Tuesday Talks: Sharing the Spotlight—Jealousy and Friendships in Swinging

Transcript

Speaker1: This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18, it contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice. Welcome to the Swing Nation podcast, a podcast by swingers for swingers, where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle. Come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe, interview the experts, learn and grow together join the nation so lacy people are asking how do they get to go to a party or an event with us they check out swingersociety.net you create a profile you sign up for an event and you, and you come hang out with us. Super easy. That's right. 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Use coupon code TSN at checkout. Hey there, pineapple people, and welcome to the Swing Nation podcast. We we are your hosts northern guy and southern girl and today we have another rendition of our tuesday talks series we do talking tuesday tuesday talks with dan and lacey yeah i failed you guys this week we're supposed to get the phone number and set it up so you guys could call and sing your songs. Yeah, we did. But we've been a little busy. Yeah, we got a building, like office space to move all of our Swingers Society stuff and all of our podcast stuff. So we've been actually moving all of that over. So this is our last podcast. In our house. Well, we're going to film another one after this. So these the last two last week yeah of podcasts from our our spare bedroom yeah and then we'll be official officially official a little worried about the high ceilings in the new yeah we're kind of worried about the sound but we'll we'll figure it all out might do yeah okay all right so what's your your question for us this week okay Okay, so the title is Jealousy, but not about my husband. Hey, Lacey and Dan, my husband and I are fairly new to the lifestyle. We've been having a blast so far. We love adventures, conversation, and educational moments it allows us to have. But I'm also in a predicament. My vanilla BFF is also in the lifestyle, which is fantastic since it means we can be open about everything, but it does bring challenges. Growing up and even now, she has been the sexy, fit friend, and I'm the cute, thick friend, meaning the guys would always come to me to get to her. Well, the same thing has happened here, where couples will talk to me about my husband, grow a connection, but then end it with, but what about your friend? She's smoking hot. Or we'll hang out with a single male, and he'll ask if we can invite her along with us. We're also a little outside the city, and we share a lot of the same play partners. It's starting to feel suffocating with us, with us three being in the same groups, being asked about how to get with her and being around all the attention she gets i know i should be happy for her but i'm just jealous that i don't get the same desirable enthusiastic attention from couples or individuals is it weird that i want to share some play partners with i don't want to share some play partners with her what should i do thank you two for doing everything that you do for this community she didn't and Her name name starts with an s she didn't say if i could use it or not so i will air on this side of caution yeah it was an email an email from s and it sounds like she has a cute little unicorn friend she does and she's got a little bit of a jealousy issue um because she's jealous the people around her seem to be into the unicorn. Yeah. And I liked this question because I think it can be applied. I think because it is her friend her whole life, she's probably been dealing with this her whole life. But I think a lot of people can relate to this because there's always that one girl at the party or one guy who's super buff that all the girls really like. So I think in a way, people can hopefully use this answer and kind of apply it to their situation. Yes. So I think one thing to talk about that maybe we haven't talked about much or before on the podcast is when couples are dealing with jealousy or or we get asked questions about jealousy which is every single day typically what they're asking is do you get jealous seeing your partner with somebody else right and that seems to be the focus around jealousy is the jealousy between the married couple or dating couple the couple right um but something that happens very very frequently in the lifestyle i don't really think it gets talked about enough is jealousy between couples yeah right you go to a party and and one couple has made an assumption that their friends are going to play with them and then their friends go off and they play with somebody else or their friends have their eye you know this this couple has their eye on this couple and they're like oh man i'm really gonna try to make something happen with this couple and then some other couple comes swooping in and kind of steals them away from you right yeah so there's all these dynamics and if you really think about it i think this is why swingers get the like this lifestyle is drama yeah in a lot of ways this is like high school bullshit you know i mean it's like the same thing that when you were in high school and you went to a school dance you thought a boy was cute and you were hitting on him and then your friend came and he you know like yeah it's kind of those same dynamics but this is human interaction you know i mean like i don't know if it's drama it is kind of drama but it's it's normal human interaction you're always gonna if you are pursuing somebody and somebody else is pursuing them too and they win out over you there's gonna cause animosity it's gonna cause jealousy it's gonna cause friction so this is a part of the lifestyle is managing that day in and day out week in week out event to event all this stuff is kind of going on well and i think we talk about communication between the couples all the time but we as a group fail to communicate with other people like about things outside of like the actual sex like i think we've kind of got the the sex part down like these are boundaries this is what we need this is what we don't need but when it comes to anything outside of that we struggle and i'm speaking for myself as well yeah it's hard to tell people we're not into them it's hard to tell people that you want to play with someone else instead of them like all of these conversations are hard no very very difficult yeah you know as swingers we pride ourselves on we are good communicators and i think we are above average communicators, specifically with our own partners, where the communication can get complicated is when you start communicating between couples and intermingling all these people. Because, you know, it's easier for me and Lacey to communicate and decide on a couple we want to play with. But now if you start trying to orchestrate like an orgy situation, there might be six other couples that are involved and who do they want to play with who do they not want to play with who gets invited who doesn't get invited all those dynamics can be very very complicated to to execute without somebody getting their feelings hurt i agree and so it's this the drama of the lifestyle kind of comes from all these um interpersonal communications and these relationship dynamics that are all happening I don't know. The drama of the lifestyle kind of comes from all these interpersonal communications and these relationship dynamics that are all happening at these events and stuff. So what should she do? Well, first of all, I think your feelings are valid. Let me just say that. I think your feelings are valid. I grew up with a girl who was just naturally everyone loved her. I always felt like she was just a few steps ahead of me it didn't matter what idea didn't matter what outfit i picked out it just didn't matter i always like she just always was the top spot like if we were we were in beauty pageants she would always win queen i would always get first place like that was like our dynamic and i would imagine that if we were both in the lifestyle that she would be similar like it would so i can i mean obviously i don't have someone to get her in the lifestyle but you know what i mean like i so i as a female i can relate to that as far as like growing up with someone i can relate to them yeah i guess you know the answer is this this isn't a competition, right? Like, um, and your feelings are valid, but at the same time, you know, I think communicating those feelings to your friend in a respectful way, um, that hopefully doesn't create tension or drama between you and your friendship. I think most people would understand that. Yeah. Like not, you don't need to tell her at a lifestyle event. You don't need to tell her when you've been drinking. Like this seems to be like a conversation that you have like over lunch, just the two of you, you know, in like a real sincere way. Like I love you, but you're so fucking hot that I feel like I'm always in your shadow. I'm always second place, yeah. Yeah, and I think hopefully she will receive that well. And if she doesn't, then that probably tells you what you need to know right there yeah um but i do think because i thought about this over the last few days since i read it i thought about things that that this person can do to kind of like fix this going forward and i thought a lot about we interviewed double team podcast and the way they work is if they're twin sisters um and if one person sleeps with someone they're off limits for the other and you could say like we've grown up together she's basically my sister i don't want to sleep with someone that she slept with or you know i don't know y'all's dynamic as far as playing together, but you could do something like that. You and your husband could also branch out. You mentioned that you are in smaller towns. So go like go somewhere like, I don't know what your financial situation, you might have to plan for a year or more, but like maybe go on like a bliss cruise or, you know, try to do something without her and see how your experiences are and see if they're different if it's worth kind of trying to plan outside of your small town no i agree i agree and i think if you have that conversation and have an adult respectful conversation and if you guys are really as close of friends as it sounds like you are maybe just her being cognizant that that's something that you're dealing with will make her more aware of it and maybe she'll be able to kind of sidestep some of the situations so that it doesn't create that because we we've played with couples that like one couple doesn't play with the other or there won't be in an orgy with the other and it's not on bad terms it's all everybody's super respectful we just are mindful as a friend group around them so it's like okay we're going to play with you tonight but tomorrow night we're going to play with this other couple because we want to have experiences with both but we want to be respectful of each other and so maybe something along those lines but i think the first step is just talking to her yeah telling her how you feel yeah and the funny thing is okay now take that and apply it to this broader lifestyle thing that we're just talking about right um i think we had a podcast episode where we kind of i think talked about um some of that and one of our podcast episodes we came up with how do you you know negotiate who you fuck and who you don't fuck i think that was a question we had at one point in time and really the answer is the heart it's direct communication right it's to be well you sometimes you have to be blunt with people and say hey i really like you but we're probably not gonna fuck like we can be friends we can hang out but we're not interested in having sex with you because until you say that that couple you know some couples just don't get it and that's something that you and i need to work on doing a better job we struggle with it was we just want everyone to be our friend um but yeah no and i think this conversation can apply to a lot of people. There could be a couple that you see as competition. You get jealous. You just have these conversations. And I think it's okay to do that. Yeah, I think it makes me think back to one of our conversations with one of the lifestyle counselors or wherever. And they were basically saying, you can't put the blame of your feelings onto somebody else right so it's okay that you feel jealous of your friends it's okay that if sometimes um you know seeing her with other people causes you know hurt inside of you but it's not her fault like she's not doing that on purpose and unless you've talked to her and communicated to her the way you feel she might not even be aware of it yeah what do you do about the people that are coming to her to get to her friend like how do you handle that i've had the girl i was talking about like in vanilla life and my people would do that to me they come to you and kind of like yeah and it hurt my heart like i can remember one time this guy was super into him and he was like what about her and i was like you were super into him yeah and he like was asking me about her and i was just like oh i hate you i mean i didn't hate her but like how does she handle because that's that's not her friend's fault that's not her friend's fault that people are coming to her asking. What do you say? I don't know. Yeah, I don't know how, I guess. Fuck off. Go ask her yourself. Right. I mean, I don't know. Yeah, kind of. I mean, I guess. I'm not her keeper. Well, the direct communication would be like, I'm not. Yeah. Like, if you're just talking to me to get to her, then I don't want to be friends. Yeah. Then move on. Yeah. Because I wouldn't want to sleep with somebody. Like, I wouldn't want to swap with a couple that is, like, casually bringing her up. I mean. Well, and then you think about adding the lifestyle situation to that, where she's just, it sounds like she's an attractive single female, too. That's, I mean, that's a whole other dynamic. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, being a hot girl in high school or in your young 20s is one thing being a hot girl in the lifestyle and being a single unicorn like you they get put on such a pedestal anyway because every couple in the lifestyle is probably looking for the coveted spot yeah right so i imagine it's even harder of a dynamic than just her just being a pretty girl in monogamous dating now she's a pretty girl in a unicorn in this situation um she's gonna get a lot of attention that it's just part of it i do want you to i do want her to try to go to things without her friend yeah like you don't have to go i get because like if you're in a smaller town you've got kids it's hard to travel it's hard to get away like i get you can't do a lot without you know traveling but i would say try as often as you can what about flipping the script and using her to sleep with some hot people you know i was thinking about that actually because i was like what if you and i had this super hot unicorn that we'd like bring to parties and stuff like that would be like you would get more attention yeah and is that a bad thing i'm curious if she sleeps with her friend like if she's fucking her because if she's fucking her that adds a lot right that changes things a little bit here she might open some doors for you yeah it could be a mutually beneficial thing like not like you're using your friend like you are helping each other to get right now instead of just a couple you're i guess you just change your mindset i don't know that's that's kind of why i brought that up yeah maybe that's what you need to do is instead of being yeah because like oh man everybody's using me to get to my friend why not look phrase that is i have a really hot friend which creates all kinds of opportunities for me to have all these positive experiences correct but as a female that way it's a little bit different that's so much easier said than done as a female though like imagine if we had like this super hunky like beefy single guy that hung out with us would you use him to get laid i mean would you be like kind of like man i wish had a six pack it might might motivate me to go to the gym more uh but i would not be you would still be getting laid it would still be a good life if we're fucking all these hot people because they all want to fuck him and we're just kind of there i mean i don't know that would hurt your feelings yeah but at the same time part of you is gonna be like well at least i get to fuck all these hot people such a guy you know what i mean like oh this is so bad my hot friend gets me laid with all these hot people oh my gosh poor me like yeah i mean like is that really so bad i mean no we need to we need to find one let's do that let's find a hot unicorn to bring to parties like here's our friend you want to we're so terrible oh my god somebody takes this out of context i don't is there a way to take it out of context i think it's it is what it is but uh no i think maybe maybe looking at it that way too could help okay uh all right i think we crushed that question yeah um s from from email yeah and we had a hard time finding a question like we had the effort had that we had that one. So y'all please send us some questions. Because we need some for next week. We do. So email us at theswingnation at gmail.com. Just put Tuesday Talks in the title. And we'll use it. We will. You can also DM us on Instagram or TikTok or Facebook or clapper or all the other places we are at um email is the best because those are the easiest ones to find um the dms kind of get lost in all the spam of all the dudes going hey i'd like to focus lacy but we also have this fan mail thing now so if you go into our show notes there's a button you You can click and it will actually text. I've seen the email text us, but just so you know, we can't reply. There's no way for us to reply to those texts. So if people have been like, what time should I show up at club tempted this weekend? Oh, really? Yeah. And I'm like, there's no way there's no like respond button on the thing. We, we get the message and it, it comes into our, um, podcast feed and we can we can it's really easy it's a good place to send questions because we can find them easily but there's no way for me to reply so just just know that at least if there is i'm not aware of it so if somebody knows how to do that let me know but to my knowledge there's no way for me to text you back or reply to those text messages. Okay. Anything else? That's it. Okay. I think with that, in a world full of apples. Be the pineapple. Be the pineapple, guys. Bye. Bye. If you've enjoyed our podcast and want to support us, leave a five-star review wherever you're listening. If you want to see more of our content, you can find links to Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, OnlyFans, and more in the show notes. Come join the conversation with us and other Swinger content creators on our Swinger Society Discord server. If you have questions or feedback, email them to us at theswingnation at gmail.com. 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