Send us Fan MailTuesday Talks: Overcoming Cliques in the Swinger Community | Episode 44In this episode of The Swing Nation Podcast, the top-rated show about non-monogamy and swinging, Dan and Lacy dive into another engaging Tuesday Talks segment, where they tackle listener questions with their signature mix of insight and humor.This week, an anonymous caller opens up about a disappointing experience at a hotel takeover, where they felt the event was dominated by cliques. Struggling to connect with others in such an environment, they ask Dan and Lacy for advice on breaking through social barriers and finding their groove at lifestyle events.Tune in as Dan and Lacy share their best tips for navigating cliques, building genuine connections, and making the most of every lifestyle event, no matter the crowd. Whether you re a newcomer or a seasoned swinger, this episode is packed with valuable advice for enhancing your lifestyle journey.- The Swing Nation - Main Website Quick Navigation Website: -- (Find all our social media links more!)- Swinger Society - Our Website to meet, connect events Swinger Society Discord Our Facebook Group- Swinger Websites -Kasadie 90 day free trialUsername: TheSwingNation SDC 14 day free trial Username: TheSwingNation** Use code 36313 for 14 days free! ** SLSUsername: NorthernGuynSouthernGirl- Merch More -Order Your Merch Here!- Lacy’s Fun Links -VIP OnlyFansPREMIUM OnlyFans-- THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS --Wisp : Making sexual healthcare inclusive, cost-effective, and accessible—for everyoneUse Code SWING at checkout for 15% off your oder!Shameless Care: ED Medication and at home STD testingUse Code TSN at checkout for $30 off your order!Promescent® Make Love Longer, It’s Time for Great SexUse Code SwingNation for 5% off!Sing it Bikinis: adjustable one-size styles, thoughtfully crafted to flatter every body type.Support the show- Thank you for the support! -
Transcript
Speaker1: This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18, it contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice. Speaker2: Welcome to the Swing Nation Podcast, a podcast by swingers for swingers. We'll be right back. Welcome to the Swing Nation podcast, a podcast by swingers, for swingers, where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle. Come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe, Speaker1: interview the activists, learn and grow together. Join the nation. So Lacey, people are asking, how do they get to go to a party or an event with us? They check out swingersociety.net. You create a profile, you sign up for an event, and you come hang out with us. Super easy. That's right. If you want to party with us and the other faces and names that you know from social media and TikTok, head on over to swingersociety.net. Can't wait to see you there. Sexual health care can be so much more than STI testing. WISP offers services like emergency contraception, help in delaying your period, UTI treatments, and so much more. They even have a product called the OMG Cream that helps provide more fulfilling orgasms for women. WISP provides same-day prescriptions and can give you discreet treatment in the comfort and privacy of your own home. Check out the link in our show notes or go to hellowiz.com and use code SWING for 15% off. Swing Nation. Robert here. I'm the founder of Shameless Care and a proud member of the lifestyle just like you. Did you know that traditional STI tests miss critical infections? I learned this the hard way. You see, I got the all clear from an STI panel and then passed along Speaker2: a completely asymptomatic case of oral gonorrhea. As it turns out, my doctor wasn't aware of throat swab testing. Yikes. Look, I became obsessed with improving the health of the lifestyle and threw my life savings into this venture called Shameless Care, a telemedicine company specifically for you we have a network of board certified physicians who provide at-home sti testing for 13 different sexually transmitted infections i know firsthand that swingers care about their health and their community visit shamelesscare.com tsn for the swing nation shamelesscare.com tsn stay healthy-N. Stay healthy and swing shamelessly. Have a great show, guys. Tuesday Talks. Just send your questions to Dan and Lacey. Tuesday Talks. Swing Nation got you feeling sexy. Tuesday Talks. Talking Tuesday with Dan and Lacey. Ooh, how about that high note? It was perfect. Hey there, Pineapple people, and welcome to the Swing Nation podcast. We are your hosts, Northern Guy and Southern Girl. And today, we are back with another rendition of Tuesday Talks. We are. Talking Tuesday. What day am I saying? Talking Tuesday!
Speaker1:
Oh my god. You just broke some of these speakers in their car.
Speaker2:
No, that was good. It was like perfect. Like that was an A flat. Yeah, totally. Right in key. Yeah. Okay. I guess I'm not even going to talk about the jingles. We did hear
Speaker1:
from one of our good friends, Jimmy slash JC, that last week's intro was perfect. So I got the hint that maybe we were a little long-winded
Speaker2:
I'm going to take a random one it wasn't it wasn't the one you like that's fine you don't care yeah whatever it was just leave it as perfect yeah yeah we're perfect thank you jimmy for the insight we appreciate you so let's get to this week's question all right let's go to the phone lines for this week's tuesday talks hey guys i just want to thank y'all for everything y'all do and everything y'all stand for in the community i just had a question the wife and i went to a swing event or a hotel takeover several years back and the event seemed very clickish and we had a bad experience and we're kind of hesitant about going to another one so how do you handle going to a hotel takeover with the groups being very clickish look forward to hearing from you thanks okay well did you catch his name i didn't i didn't catch his name i don't think he told us okay but anyway his question is how do you handle clicks in the lifestyle so i while you are while you're listening to that i actually looked up the definition of click
Speaker1:
because i i was curious and it's a small group of people with shared interests or other features in common who spend time together and do not really allow others to join them yeah and so we actually
Speaker2:
have done an entire podcast episode on clicks we have and clicks is something that comes up a lot if you ever hear about somebody in a lifestyle and they're talking about really any group or club Thank you. Thank you. Bye-bye.
Speaker1:
Bye.
Speaker2:
Bye-bye. podcast episode on clicks and clicks is something that comes up a lot if you ever hear about somebody in the lifestyle and they're talking about really any group or club eventually what's going to come up is oh i don't go there that that club's really clickish or oh i've heard this group is really clickish i think just about every group club hotel takeover or community that exists in the lifestyle has probably been accused of being clickish at some point correct we've been accused of it and i was gonna say to include us and the swinger society and specifically me and you we've all been accused of that and i can see how people see that like i'm not i'm not saying like that opinion is completely invalid because i i understand how people see that and i think even to explain that a little more so if you think about it if you come to one of our events say you come to a secrets in florida right you're going to see me and lacy hosting we're gonna be walking around or be talking to people um but we're gonna have a cabana in that cabana it's gonna be mostly us and our friends when we go in the club at night we're probably gonna have one of the vips in that vip is going to be up us and our friends and then usually at the end of the night we end up in a playroom usually an orgy type in a group playroom like we were probably in public where most people can see us but we're having sex with me and lacy and a group of our friends so i can see if you came to our party for the first time and you're looking at it you're like well there's no i have no they're already an established friend group they're already a clique like they're not really engaging with people outside of their friend group they're just hanging out with their friends and fucking their friends so i can see how that looks like that totally but i think the key is in that definition that you just read is it says a group that purposely tries to exclude others yeah from joining yeah i do not think we are that i don't and i honestly i don't think most lifestyle people are we are mostly actively looking for people to fuck let's just be honest so i mean we we want new people to come we want new people to join we that's kind of isn the point of being a swinger? I mean, like we would be polyamorous if we weren't wanting new people to come in. Does that make, or at least a version of that, if that makes sense. To me, swingers are actively looking for new partners. No, I agree 100%. And I think you're right. I think most groups and most communities and most lifestyle groups out there are looking for new members and are looking for new people to join. I think a lot of people are just like us. We love new chemistry. It's exciting, right? So it's almost like going on a date for the first time and it's having a new experience. And I mean, I love our friends and I love the connections we have and I love all that. But there's just something about new energy into a situation that adds something to that yeah um so it is true that me and lacey and our friend group are always looking to add people but what happens but that's more difficult than i think what people realize yeah and i think it's a two-way street one we have to be open to the connection and kind of looking for it but two if you come to an event and you don't even talk to it you just see us with our friends and you don't even try to engage well then then how would you ever establish a relationship with us how would you ever get to a point to where we might you know hang out with you or want to play with you or or whatever the case may be um and i think what keeps me steadfast in the the not you know i really don't believe we're a click and what makes me feel that way is just about every single event we go to we add at least one person more into our friend group yeah it seems like every time every secrets every club every anything we do it seems like we're continuing to add people that just become part of the family. Well, we just got home from Dallas. You fucked two new people. I fucked one new person. So, like, that in itself is, like, proof to that, you know? I will say, like, stopping and thinking about people that have, like, been added to our group. It's typically people with, like, big personalities. A lot of confidence. People that are like, I see y'all. Put y'all out there i'm gonna be y'all's friend like we're hanging out we're gonna have fun together it's those type of people the people that don't typically make it into the friend group or the click should you know according to other people is the people that stand back that are shy that are a little bit more timid um you unfortunately in the lifestyle we're not used to like putting ourselves out there because we've usually been married and been with the same partner for you know usually a decent amount of our lives and that's kind of a new thing to learn is to like put yourself out there and kind of you don't want to force yourself into a group but you have to like be confident and fun and just kind of bubbly and engaging if you stand in the corner and don't engage with anyone that's just not going to happen organically yeah so i would generically say i consider anybody that comes to our our events like a member of our community yeah but to be really like somebody that we're personal friends with or somebody that we personally play with we have to establish a connection and like you're saying because we kind of are always surrounded in this pre-established bubble of friends somebody has to break through that bubble and and we try to break out of that bubble so i think it's a two-way street you have to try to break into our bubble and we have to be conscious to break outside of our bubble i think the way me and lacy do that is we call it taking a lap yeah so we'll literally be sitting in the cabana and be like baby we should really take a lap yeah what that means is okay get up out of the cabana and go walk around secrets and just talk to random people right just come up to people and say hey hey we're dan lacy what are your names where are you from which i hate doing how long you've been in the lifestyle and we just we do a lap around the entire pool area or at the club the same thing we'll be like okay we really we should probably about time to go take a lap and we'll walk around the club and we'll talk to people do we talk to everybody in the club no how do we figure out who we talk to and who we don't usually it's like people that look like they want to talk yeah like it's like people that look like they're open to engaging with people or maybe it's people as as we're walking by, they're like, oh, hi, Dan and Lacey. You're like, oh, hi. And Dan's really good at this. He is like wonderful at it. He loves talking to people. Me, I could sit in the cabana or the VIP and just like be content there. So I really have to like push myself to do this with him. So it's not – we're just not – I'm just not naturally that fun, bubb person that i want to do this and so if you're that person too you might have to push yourself as well right so to answer the the listener's question what do you do if you've gone to a group and they seem clickish and not inviting you have two options one maybe reevaluate were they purposely trying to exclude me or did they just not go out of their way to meet me and if they didn't go out of their way to meet me did i go out of my way to at least try to meet some of them right and so if the answer is no to either one of those if i didn't go out of my way or they didn't then it's then that's it's not really that that's a click it's just that nobody took that first step to make it a connection and so maybe go back with this open-minded of hey tonight we're going to go back to this hotel takeover and we're going to take every hour we're going to do a lap right yeah and we're going to go around the the dance room and we're just going to introduce ourselves to people now if you do that and nobody and people either kind of ignore you or brush you off or don't talk to you or don't engage with you then maybe it is a click right maybe this is a group
Speaker1:
of people that just does not want and then that's when you know this is maybe not the place for me
Speaker2:
and you need to move on that was going to be my thing then if that's the case that's not the club or a group or whatever for you right so then there's i promise you there's other ones go try a new one um but if you do that i would guess what you're going to find is you're going to make if you go to a hotel takeover and say the the ballrooms open from nine o'clock usually though eight nine o'clock to midnight if every hour you take a lap and you talk to everybody that you see i almost promise you you're going to make some friends yeah that you're going to make some friends. And I think you can do that in just about any hotel takeover, club, event, group out there. If you put yourself out there, I promise you, nine out of ten times you're going to make at least one friend. Now, if you don't, go find a different party and do the whole process over again. I want to add one thing. There's been a few times over the years that you and i have went to a party or club and not known anybody or maybe like just knew a few people which is not super common anymore because we do kind of travel with our friend group and when when we went just by ourselves we've kind of got a dose of this medicine you know like we've had we were like oh shit are we rusty do you know and we've had to like really purposely go out of our way to make connections um so it happens to us too i don't want it to seem like this doesn't happen to us i think once you've been in an established friend group for a while and not had to be that new couple that's at that club or that bar for the first time and looking to make friends you almost kind of forget what it's like to be that couple so i do think it is important for anybody in the lifestyle to venture outside of their friend group or outside of their quote unquote click and go see what that's like go to a new club go to a new you know hotel takeover whatever that you've never been to before and kind of experience that and because I do think it gives you a fresh perspective on what it's like to be those new people um and then the only other thing I would say is even if you're not us right you're not Dan and Lacey anybody I think if you go to a club every weekend if you have an established friend group maybe stop and think when's the last time i took a lap right when's the last time i got outside of my friend group and i just walked around and tried to meet new people because i promise you that's where the magic happens like it's great to have good friends it's great to fuck your friends it's great to hang out with your friends um but making those new connections and bringing new people in um especially you know maybe people that have come to the club for the first time making you have no idea how just walking up to people and saying hello and having a conversation with them can change their entire night and their entire outlook you know this this listener here that's that's called into us they went to a group and it sounds like nobody really talked to them and they kind of felt like they were outsiders um if just one couple had walked up to them and welcomed them and and made them feel comfortable I'll see you next time. And it sounds like nobody really talked to them and they kind of felt like they were outsiders. If just one couple had walked up to them and welcomed them and made them feel comfortable and made them feel wanted, they would have probably have a very much different outlook on that group. so i'd say if you are a a group owner or if you're a member of a group or a club make a very conscious effort to when new people show up to your club or your event that you make them feel welcome because i think as a community that's what we want to do and i think there's you know we're always striving to try to find new and better ways of doing that um but i think everybody needs to do that because i don't want anybody to walk away the way this listener did and say oh they were really clicky i didn't feel welcome there what what do i do now is it is it me Is there something wrong with me? Should I go? What should I do? Yeah. I don't want anybody to feel like that. No, me either. I really think that's on everybody to make that better. Yeah, I agree. All right. Well, I hope that helps answer your Tuesday talk question about clicks. Yes, 100% clicks exist. But I think more often than not, what you're seeing is an established friend group that just maybe isn't stepping outside their friend group as much as they need to and i think you also need to make a conscious effort to break into those groups and introduce yourself to them and i think once you do that you'll find that they're actually pretty good people and would be very welcoming of you um okay so if you have a tuesday talk question there's a few ways you can get that to us. My number one preferred way so that we can hear your voice, we can hear the inflection, we can hear the tone is to call in. Yeah. And you can call phone number. 972-302-7716. One more time. 972-302-7716. So call that, leave a voicemail. I think you only have like a minute and a half, maybe two minutes to leave your voicemail. We've had a couple of Tuesday talk questions where the people got cut off like three quarters of the way through. And then unfortunately we're not able to use that because we need the audio for the podcast. So just know that you only have, I think it's like a minute and a half or two minutes to ask your question. You can also text your questions to that same phone number you can just send us a text with your question or you can email us at the swing nation at gmail.com the swing nation at gmail.com and we can take your questions that way um the only other note i would say is we're getting ready to go to miami yeah we just finished up an event in dallas which was amazing thank you to everybody in dallas um john and jackie and melissa the manager out there and then all the all the staff you guys were absolutely amazing we had a great time stay tuned to hear all the dirt and all the tea and all the sexy stories from that trip on the full on the thursday podcast episode um but now onward to miami so if you want to come party with us we will be be at Miami Velvet in Miami, Florida. When? February 21st and 22nd. And you can get tickets for that at SwingerSociety.net. It's going to be a great weekend. We're going to be at the club Friday and Saturday. And then Saturday during the day, we're actually doing a meet and greet at the Hall over Nude Beach. So, you know, maybe you're up in New England somewhere. Maybe you're like up there in Michigan or Canada. We had some Canadians come down to Dallas. If you're somewhere cold, maybe you want to come down to Florida and feel a little heat both at the beach and in the club. We would love to have you. Yeah. So head on over to Swing Your Study. Get those tickets. We'll see you in Miami next month. And I think that's it. anything else for the swing nation listeners i think that's it all right i think with that in a world full of apples be the pineapple be the pineapple guys bye if you've enjoyed our podcast and want to support us leave a five-star review wherever you you're listening. If you want to see more of our content, you can find links to Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, OnlyFans, and more in the show notes. Come join the conversation with us and other Swinger content creators on our Swinger Society Discord server. If you have questions or feedback, email them to us at theswingnation at gmail.com. Make sure you head on over to theswingnation.net and keep up to date on all things Swing Nation. We thank you so much for joining us and we'll see you next time. Goodbye.
