Tuesday Talks: Navigating Parenthood and Swinging

Transcript

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We are your hosts, northern guy and southern people and welcome to the swing nation podcast we are your hosts northern guy and southern girl and welcome to tuesday talks yeah with dan and lacy where we're answering your burning questions about non-monogamy yeah i actually really enjoy these or whatever it might not be nominal you might have a random question about something else you might want to know my favorite color what is it pink or purple you don't even know well i actually really like pink but i really like purple but i kind of let daphne have pink oh because that's kind of like her thing you can have the same favorite color yeah well we can have the same favorite color but usually like i'll get a pink version and'll get the purple, she'll get the pink. I don't know. It's a long story, but I'll link both. What is your favorite color, babe? Blue. I need that. I'm wearing blue shirt right now. You are. Okay, so what question do we have for Tuesday Talks today? So we have a question from Kristen, and it came through on Instagram. Kristen from Instagram. She said, hi, I have a question. My husband and I have an open marriage. It was going super well, but we recently had kids, and it's hard to get back to it. Do you guys have kids? And if you do, how do you do it? Thank you. Sorry, this is super random. That's what she said. I don't think this is a Tuesday Talk question. I think this is just a random question. I think this is a really good question. But I do have to admit that we have an unusual situation. But we do have a lot of friends that have children small and older. So I think we can kind of like pull from all of them to kind of answer this. I like pulling my friends. So we have three children. I'm not even sure what that meant. Sounded good. we have three children i'm not sure what that sounded good we have three children touring college they live um a decent amount away from us so they're not here we see them throughout the year usually when we're traveling we travel to them or we go that's right um i do have a teenager um but i have 50 50 custody of of him. So, one week he is home, and one week he is with his dad. So, for us, we plan our entire year's schedule around my son's schedule. I literally send it to our employees at the beginning of the year. Like, they've already got 2025 schedule. we cannot control we can't control the bliss cruise we can't control naughty in new orleans sometimes sometimes hedo um and i can't control splash events but any swinger society event typically is 99 of the time planned around his schedule um so for the most part we're okay but of course that we do have those situations and i will say you know you and your ex don't always get along in a lot of ways but you have worked good on that because there's times even when we get off the schedule because of vacations or school or you know whatever some some things happen we just get off or you know those weekend plans and uh we always you guys do well in communicating and getting back on plan because we realize there's no we have to get back or else it screws everything up yeah so like we have to if we we've got to split a week or whatever we just have to make it work and so we do get a lot of hate on the internet because they say are you never with your kids where your kids of course they don't know right but the truth is is most of the time like if my son leaves to go to his dad's on sunday we're pulling out of town on monday sometimes that sunday night it just depends on what we have going on occasionally like for this past secrets um we had the event ended like it was sunday night as well so we left monday morning and i was supposed to get him back on sunday night so my mom came to the house and kept him for me just so he wasn't here by himself and he didn't have to say he's sad he got to come home so that's like basically how we navigate it yeah and i will say because of now that we're doing this full time we basically when we're not an event we work from home when you have your son you're with him all day every day the weeks that you have him yeah except for school and even the weeks that you don't have him if he has a doctor's appointment if he needs a ride to school if he needs a ride from practice i mean you're able to really really you know yeah use our schedule to your advantage to spend as much time with yeah i mean this is not my week with him i took him to school yesterday i took him uh lunch or like for his team sports we brought food we were at his games last night i picked him up from school today and this is not my week so we're very much even if we are um even with his dad we're i try to be as involved when i'm home as i can because i do realize that there are some weeks that we're just not here and there's nothing i can do and there's there is a downside there's been times where we've been at an event and missed a sports you know missed his sports games and things like that and that that sucks for us you know i mean but it's usually one weekend a month you know i mean so really we're probably able to be with him more than most parents are um because of our flexible schedule but there are times when there's conflicts between our schedule and his schedule and and those times are hard i know you really struggle yeah because um our schedule is done almost a year out at this point so i may not know a year from now what's going to be going on like obviously the games haven't been scheduled the whatever presentation at school it's not even the school year yet when we're looking at the calendar um i do try to remind myself that this is a business and that this is my job i know that this is different from what she's saying and And I'll see you next time. school year yet when we're looking at the calendar i do try to remind myself that this is a business and that this is my job i know that this is different from what she's saying in the question but for us this is our job this is how we survive this is our income and so i do have to remind myself of that but it doesn't doesn't take away from the fact that i do on occasion well i think you know because people know what we do yeah they assume it's all fun and games because when we miss a game then it's like oh they missed a game you know there's just that stigma of they missed a game because they're out partying and swinging and stuff like that when it's really like we missed a game because we're out working yeah we just happen to pick a job that is actually really fucking fun i'm sorry pick a better job so that's that's hard okay This probably doesn't apply it does not a lot to kristen and her question yeah it doesn't so it sounds like they were in an open relationship they got pregnant and now they've basically like wanting to get back out right they've gone back they've gone to monogamy while they've gone through this pregnancy and now they're looking at ways to get out there yeah and this can apply to a couple that is wanting to be a swinger but they're like what the hell do we do with these kids i mean this can be you know there's a lot of different scenarios that this can apply to yeah so what would your advice to a mom be that's trying to to navigate this lifestyle but also trying to balance it with being a parent well i will say that you don't most swingers don't swing throughout the week or multiple times a month most swingers do like once a month maybe a little more maybe a little less but i would say that would probably be the average um and i would like to think that you're getting a date night or two in for the month and so however you're getting that it would just be used towards this opposed to just doing something alone so if that means hiring a babysitter asking a grandparent you know a neighbor however you trust with your children it's basically the same thing we've had friends that have hired a babysitter and they leave in their regular clothes and then they go you know they get to the club and they have to change into their slutty outfit or change in the car or whatever so their babysitter or their mom or whomever is keeping their children doesn't know what they're up to um you can also use it as a vacation um let's let's say you can't get away once a month maybe every six months or maybe every three months let's say whatever the closest biggest city that probably has a swinger club because most big cities have at least one let's just say you go away for the weekend together and um it's just a romantic weekend and people get caught up on what do you tell people like what do i say say for for me and you for instance we say dan and i are going to atlanta for the weekend for a couple's only get you know just me and him we're just spending time together and like honestly during the day and stuff you just do regular stuff you know you go to the aquarium or you go shopping or whatever you want to do on vacation go hiking or whatever you want to do on vacation no we do it a lot when we go places for swinger events we actually try to do vanilla stuff during the day just because sometimes there are places we've never been before yeah or places we might never go again and so we do a lot of like the touristy sightseeing stuff during the day and then at night we're at the club yeah you can even like dress up go out to you if you're like trapeze atlanta i'm using atlanta has dinner so in that case you wouldn't but let's just say you're going to your average swimmer club that doesn't have dinner go out have a nice dinner have good quality couple time and then after that you go to the swingers club nobody has to know that let's just use omit that part right um any of any advice that i'm not covering that you can think of well no i will say um whether you're a swinger or not a swinger making time for you and your partner in your relationship just to be together and not with kids i think is really really important yeah uh you know if i think back to my failed marriage we weren't very good at that Thank you. partner in your relationship just to be together and not with kids i think is really really important yeah uh you know if i think back to my failed marriage we weren't very good at that uh you know especially if it sounds like kristin's maybe a new a new parent a new mom um she probably needs that time right you can get wrapped up in your children and they kind of become your life and you can kind of forget that you have a partner that you love and you care about and that one-on-one quality you know dating kind of experience with your partner can kind of get put on a shelf um and one of the things i love about swinging is it it gives you good quality time with your partner people are probably thinking you're going to go fuck other people how is that you know i mean like that sounds crazy i know but if you think about it here's what a swinger club night is right you travel to a city you get a hotel room you go out to dinner with your partner maybe a few of your friends you get dressed up you get dressed up you go to the club you dance you probably dance with your partner more than you dance with anybody else but you might dance with somebody else and then you go if everything works out and you go fuck you might fuck other people but you're you're almost definitely gonna fuck your partner and it's probably gonna be some of the hottest sex you've had in a long time because you're in this hot sexy environment is that not the perfect date night you know i mean like is that you know i mean like you go out somewhere you get a hotel room you get dressed up you go dance and you have hot sex and then the wake up the next morning you're laying in the bed and you're giggly and you're like oh my god did we do that last night that was so fucking or do you remember when those when dan and lacy were having an orgy with 12 other couples in the middle of the play you know i mean like whatever the thing is yeah and here's the thing you're gonna go home and probably for the next month or two or until you do it again you're gonna be talking about all the shit you did you said talking i said fuck it but i mean both yeah yeah right you're gonna be hot sex thinking like oh man i remember watching so-and-so give it to so-and-so or oh yeah her ass was perfect but it was riding his dick while we were fucking you're just going to talk about all the dirty fucking shit you saw at the club and it's going to carry you through for a while you know what I mean I don't know to me that sounds like a really there's some of the best you know if we think about our life and think about the last three years or even if I think about my entire life some of the best memories I have are in these situations right like fucking in a cave Well, I don't know. Or even if I think about my entire life, some of the best memories I have are in these situations, right? Like fucking in a cave in Jamaica. You could go on and on about just these memories, these core memories that are stuck with me forever. And some of the best quality time me and you have spent together has been somehow lifestyle related. yeah um and you know at hito you know i've seen this couple and they're like in their 90s and they're dressed up all looking fly and sexy and uh they're out on the dance floor dancing and they're laughing and they're smiling and they're touching each other and they're he's grabbing her ass and they're giggling like i really feel like in a lot of ways the lifestyle is almost like this fountain of youth you know i mean like that just just keeps you energized and keeps you connected with your partner and you get to have all these bonus connections with these other amazing open-minded people so um you kind of went on a tangent i did i did go off on a So basically, you need to date your spouse. Being part of the lifestyle only strengthens your marriage. So taking a little time away to spend that time with your partner is going to be good quality time. It's going to benefit your marriage. So, yeah. So let's get back on the topic. No, so that's exactly what you just said. So Kristen, if you, if you want to bring the lifestyle back into your relationship, you need to be intentional and find the time, put it on a calendar, pick a weekend and go do something fun with your partner. I know she said open marriage. And so to me and kristin i may be i may be assuming here and i probably shouldn't assume but to me open marriage you do things separately right so maybe um once a month he goes out once a month you go out however whatever works for your relationship you've just got to make that happen yeah i could never do that but more power to more power to kristen yeah if she can right but if they do play separately there and i know like even hot wife couples you know they really get off on that on a wednesday night you know she goes out on a date with another guy and while he takes care of the kids and then she comes home from this hot date and they ravish each other you know like so if that's your thing like find the time put it on a schedule uh and make it happen yeah i totally agree all right i think i think we answered that i don't know how else how else to go i want to also say that if you can't i know that if you have like let's say you have four kids it's really hard to get someone to keep you can't do a night during the week or you can't get away once a month or once every we have friends that kids are super involved in sports super involved in school they both have full-time jobs like life is just crazy and once a year they go to desire or they go to hito or they do a bliss cruise and they just they just swing that that one week or that one weekend a year, they just live it up and have the best time. And because at that stage they are at life, they just can't, they can't give more than that and still be good parents and good employees and good husbands and wives. And eventually their kids are going to grow up and the kids are going to get out of the house and they'll have much more free time to enjoy it at that stage but just for right now that's all that works for them and that's okay too and i think that might even be an easier way for people to get out like get away without people realizing it because most couples take a trip each year together you know it's our anniversary it's whatever um i know that's what we did before people knew we were swingers so that's i guess that's just my last little piece of advice yeah you just gotta find a way to make it work within your schedule and if i think it's important to do do that even if it's not swinging even if you're monogamous find some quality you know date your date your wife date your partner yeah um that's important Thank you. do that even if it's not swinging even if you're monogamous find some quality you know date your date your wife date your partner yeah um that's important yeah all right i think we crushed that one yep so if you have any tuesday talks questions please send them to the swing nation at gmail.com or dm us on any platform we'll try to find the dms but definitely email us we'll definitely see those so this has been fun yeah our our third rendition of tuesday talks yeah all right i think with that guys in a world full of apples be the pineapple be the pineapple guys bye Bye. 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