Send us Fan MailTuesday Talks: Hookups Without Hurt Feelings | Episode 16Join Dan and Lacy on The Swing Nation Podcast, the top-rated lifestyle podcast about non-monogamy and swinging, for another Tuesday Talks segment where they answer listener questions. In this episode, Dan and Lacy respond to Amanda, who emailed asking for advice on navigating multiple sexual invitations in the same night and how to turn people down without hurting their feelings. Tune in as Dan and Lacy share their insights, tips, and personal experiences to help you gracefully manage these situations while maintaining positive connections within the lifestyle community.Don t miss out—hit play now and join the conversation!- The Swing Nation - Main Website Quick Navigation Website: -- (Find all our social media links more!) Follow us on Facebook! The Podcast Website- Swinger Society - Our Website to meet, connect events Swinger Society Discord Our Facebook Group- Swinger Websites -Kasadie 90 day free trialUsername: TheSwingNation SDC 14 day free trial Username: TheSwingNation** Use code 36313 for 14 days free! ** SLSUsername: NorthernGuynSouthernGirl- Merch More -Order Your Merch Here!- Lacy’s Fun Links - VIP OnlyFans PREMIUM OnlyFans-- THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS --Wisp : Making sexual healthcare inclusive, cost-effective, and accessible—for everyoneUse Code SWING at checkout for 15% off your oder! Shameless Care: ED Medication and at home STD testingUse Code TSN at checkout for $30 off your order!Promescent® Make Love Longer, It’s Time for Great SexUse Code SwingNation for 5% off!Pinaq Liqueur; The Official Drink of The Swing NationUse Code TSN at checkout for 15% off!Support the show- Thank you for the support! -
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Speaker1: This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18, it contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice. Welcome to the Swing Nation podcast, a podcast by swingers for swingers, where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle. Come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe, interview the experts, learn and grow together join the nation so lacy people are asking how do they get to go to a party or an event with us they check out swingers society.net you create a, you sign up for an event, and you come hang out with us. Super easy. That's right. If you want to party with us and the other faces and names that you know from social media and TikTok, head on over to swingersociety.net. Can't wait to see Speaker2: you there. Sexual health care can be so much more than STI testing. WISP offers services like emergency contraception, help in delaying your period, UTI treatments, and so much more. They You know what I mean? care can be so much more than STI testing. WISP offers services like emergency contraception, help in delaying your period, UTI treatments, and so much more. They even have a product called the OMG Cream that helps provide more fulfilling orgasms for women. WISP provides same-day prescriptions and can give you discreet treatment in the comfort and privacy of your own home. Check out the link in our show notes or go to HelloWISiz.com and use code SWING for 15% off. Most people have unprotected oral sex, right? Be honest. Now think about your last STD test. Did your doctor tickle your throat with something that looked like a giant Q-tip? Probably not. Yet that's the only way to check for oral gonorrhea or chlamydia, which are often asymptomatic. You need a better doctor. You need shamelesscare.com. Use coupon code TSN at checkout. Hey there, pineapple people, and welcome to the Swing Nation podcast. We we are your hosts northern guy and southern girl and today we're back with another rendition of our tuesday talks we are talking tuesday tuesday talks with dan and lacy correct i haven't figured out my kids line my so you just say them all i'm keep saying a bunch. Maybe one will stick. Maybe. We'll see where it goes. I was wondering. Nothing's grown on me yet. I was like, where's he going? What do you got for us today? Okay, so it says, Hello, I have a question for one of your Tuesday Talk sessions. This question is for Lacey. When you were a unicorn, how did you navigate multiple sexual invitations at the same night? For example, it can be super awkward telling a person, sorry, I'm not interested or no thank you. And then later that night, the same person sees you with in the playroom with someone else. It can create hard feelings and upset people. I have been struggling with this lately. I want to play with who i want to and not feel bad about not playing with someone else i also don't like answering questions like why did you go up to the playroom with him but you won't go with that with me did you have a similar situation and if so how did you navigate them thanks um and her name is amanda well thank you for your question amanda yeah she also said p.s i look forward to listening to the podcast every week you and dan do a fantastic job oh well thank you you said amanda right yeah all right so we're talking to amanda but i think this is like she's a unicorn but i think this question is really for everyone i mean like we can all benefit from this to be honest with you we could use some help in this but like for real i mean think about that's like the hardest part about less turning down people and being turned down yeah this subject is probably the hardest part of the lifestyle yeah because if we're being honest when we go to events when we go to you know parties um just in the lifestyle in general you know we have this group of friends and then there's even like some new acquaintance acquaintance well acquaintance how am i trying to say that here your invisalign's kicking your ass acquaintances yeah acquaintances that really it's hard for my tongue to get that that's funny um yeah so i'm invisalign now that it sounds like I'm mumbling or it's hard for my tongue to get that um yeah so i'm invisalign now that it so it sounds like i'm mumbling or it's hard for me to talk um it is uh you've gotten a lot better since you got it yeah i have a little bit um okay i lost my total train of thought but it's hard this is the hardest part of the lifestyle no it is it really is and because here's the thing not only is it like who do i want to fuck tonight because sometimes you have options right but then it's it's who you know if you're trying to like arrange an orgy who out of the people that i want to fuck are okay with other people that want to fuck if there's one couple that one couple's not cool with how do we get to a playroom without them coming like it's a whole fucking nightmare it is i will say that amanda is a unicorn so she's kind of at this alone. She doesn't have a partner, and I think that's something to be said. It's kind of nice that we can do this together, and I'm like, I don't know. It's like we work together to try to figure out how to either make things happen or make things not happen. She's not on her own, and that seems like for me would be a little scary so when you were a unicorn you went to clubs and stuff like that i'm assuming you went with like a couple yeah i never went to clubs alone or anything alone um and i'm assuming you kind of let them lead right like yeah i kind of let them lead i would go in i say, if I was a unicorn now, I would probably – Do it differently. I would probably be okay with going – I mean, going alone. But at the time, I was fresh in the life, so I didn't really know. So I would always find a couple that we kind of – or a single. I went with singles. Like, it was very well-known. You had a chaperone. Yes, basically. Like, another set of eyes on me me so when you went to clubs and stuff as a single did you ever participate in orgies and stuff like that or did you just always play with that couple that you went with uh well i only went to one club okay so and i don't remember to be honest with you i'm trying to i don't remember there being an orgy yeah but i don't remember being like in a playroom just them so i don't not even fuck yeah i don't really remember but yeah i don't know yeah so we to be fair we as and even i went to one or two swimmers clubs um as a single male each time with a couple and i think you know i had to be escorted by a couple a couple as a single male at the ones i went to um i will say that as a single i i was very new to the lifestyle and i struggled with finding my boys and it's taken me a while even as a couple to like now i'm perfectly fine with being like no thank you or whatever um but as a single, I really struggled with it. And I sometimes would find myself in situations that maybe like in hindsight, I probably shouldn't have gotten there because I was just not super comfortable like being up front. So take that as you will. But I have gotten a lot better now. We still do struggle with it though yeah i would say yeah so when i was a single male the one or two times i went i think i slept with the couple that i went with um and i had i was so new to it that i had no idea because even i can remember the couple saying to me like oh you don't have to like if you want to go meet other people like you don't there's no obligation here with us which is very nice because we brought you in and i can remember thinking like it was just hard for me to comprehend and then like some girls would come up and flirt with me you know i probably didn't know how much fun i could have had had i been a little more outgoing and open in that situation but yeah okay so let's just talk about like like, turning people down in lifestyle in general. Because I think that's kind of what her question really is.
Speaker1:
Yeah, I mean, I think the true answer to her question is going to be, use your voice.
Speaker2:
And be honest.
Speaker1:
Be honest and almost, like, brutally honest to a point.
Speaker2:
Yeah, but I do think, because I've heard of people, like, just being downright rude. Like, no, we're not interested. Or, no, you're not our type.
Speaker1:
I think you can have, like, tact. You can say something like something like oh treat i would love to but i have other plans tonight yeah you don't have to tell them you don't have to say with who or who you know what your plans are or but if like a couple approaches you you know and you're a unicorn and they're saying hey would you like to play tonight it's okay for you to say oh i've already made other plans or tonight. You know, I'm working on something else. Yeah. So, two things. One, if she's genuinely not interested in them, should she just be honest, though? Yes. Yeah, that. Because, like, you don't want to say maybe another night. If it's not true. If it's not true. And then, you know, the next night, then try again. I don't know. When I read your question, what I got out of it is that she had, like, multiple people. Yeah, so let me go back. And it wasn't actually she didn't want to play with one, but she was kind of trying to choose. And how did she tell one no? Yeah, she said it's super awkward telling a person, sorry, I'm not interested or no thank you. And then later that night, the same person sees you in the playroom, and they have hard feelings, and they'll ask. Right. So in that situation, that situation i think if you because this has happened even to us like you go to a club and there's several people there that maybe you've played with before and so maybe they have expectations in their head but you are working on like this making something happen with a new couple or with another couple or whatever the case may be i think in that situation it's okay to say hey you know i really like you guys but i i have i've already made other plans for tonight so what so don't wait up on you know like don't plan your night around me yeah what if she doesn't actually have plans though she's just i don't know i'm playing devil's advocate well even if she doesn't have plans you could still say that and then you could be like oh those plans fell through if you know if it doesn't happen yeah like they're not gonna but like i get it too it's there's no good answer the truth is there's no good answer right so you but honesty is probably right you have to be basically honest now if you don't want to play with them at all yeah what you should say is hey you know like i like you guys as friends but i'm just not into you in that way or you know like which is awkward but you have to have that conversation because otherwise every weekend you show at the club they're gonna be trying to you know yeah some people just aren't good at reading the room and figuring out that oh they've had an excuse not to play with me the last for six months now maybe i should quit some people you just have to be up front and awesome and say hey this is this isn't i like you guys but this isn't i don't see us progressing any further yeah that's hard though it is so hard it's like the worst part of the life now but i think that i hate turning people down it's the worst it's the worst and we're not good at it we're And then you start editing multiple people, and some people don't get along with these people, and trying to arrange an orgy, and then excluding people, and, like, we've even been in situations where, like, couples are trying to sneak away from couples so they can get to a room and not hurt other people's feelings by telling them they can't come.
Speaker2:
And honestly, that's just not a good situation, like, for anyone.
Speaker3:
Right.
Speaker2:
So I think everyone should just be honest with each other.
Speaker3:
Right.
Speaker1:
But it's hard.
Speaker2:
Thank you. that's just not a good situation like for anyone so I think everyone should just be honest with each other
Speaker1:
right but it's hard
Speaker2:
especially when you don't want to hurt someone's feelings you could think they're good people you just don't want to fuck them you could be like I think you're cool and I don't mind hanging out with you I'm just not I'm just not into
Speaker1:
but even in the situation where it's not even necessarily you it's somebody else like you're trying to go to an orgy but you know there's somebody that's participating in that Thank you. i'm just not into but even you know in the situation where it's it's not even necessarily you it's somebody else like you're going to try to go to an orgy but you know there's somebody that's participating in an orgy that doesn't want isn't attracted to this couple or whatever reason doesn't get along with this couple it's not on you to like explain that to them you know what i mean like so it's it's just in an awkward situation there's no way to avoid that yeah this is the kind of stuff when people say that lifestyle is drama yeah this is what they're talking about but this is it's also unavoidable right we're human beings that you know interact with other human beings you're gonna have personality conflicts you're gonna have you're gonna have some level of drama and all you can do is try to carry yourself and behave the best you can in that yeah and treat others the way that you would like to be treated yeah and you can't you can't control everybody else and i think you know from our perspective where we've kind of been leaders of a group and now you know and now we do events you know so often we kind of have taken this leadership role when it comes to planning play and and stuff like that and then when stuff happens or people don't want other people there they come to us and be like oh yeah we really want to do something but don't we don't want so and so there and then so we're put in the position to try to navigate and it's like i've gotten to the point where i just don't want to do that yeah that's to say we i feel like we've stepped away from that role yeah like and a few like not intentionally i agree and it's really been recently in the last six months yeah like we're just not doing that anymore yeah and we never like there was never like a hard line in the sand like we were like okay from now on we're just not doing we just kind of let other people lead a little bit and it's actually been kind of nice no yeah because that's it's just a bad it's an uncomfortable situation to be in and then you know you kind of catch a lot of the brunt of the blame when you know because's be honest, if you sneak away from a couple and go have an orgy and that couple is going to realize at some point, hey, we weren't invited. And then they're mad at you. You know, I mean, it's like, I don't want to be in that. Also, don't. Could you imagine if that was us? And people were sneaking away? It's probably been us a few times. I'm sure it has. Yeah. So I feel like we did a terrible. I mean, like we answered it as truthfully as we can. But it's just, there's just not a good answer. Yeah, I think the answer for Amanda is, the only correct answer is to be honest with people. Yeah, it is. It's the only way that you can do it. Now, you can try to make up lies. You can try to make up excuses. But I've seen, like, firsthand, like, where people have said, like, gave an excuse. Oh gave an excuse i'm not feeling well oh i'm on my period oh i don't like girls tonight yeah i don't like girls and then an hour later they're in the playroom fucking somebody yeah and then somebody sees and somebody gets their feelings hurt and never it doesn't feel good right so the best answer is to be honest yeah i mean like i've always said i would rather somebody tell me the truth and let me be mad about the truth and tell me a lie or not like me for uh the truth and then not like me for a lie you know just be honest that is extremely hard and we are struggling with that to this day and i think we'll continue to struggle with it because you know the flip side of the coin for that is if you're a people pleaser like like we are you don't want to hurt people's feelings and ultimately you cannot participate in this lifestyle with so many social dynamics happening and not hurt somebody's feelings well it's just like we we preach about the lifestyle being like we're such good communicators and i and i do think that we are like overall as a group. I think we're really good with our partner. But yes you nailed it. But like that part is really hard. Because I just genuinely don't think none of us want to be the person left out or the person that's being rejected. Or the person that hurts somebody. To stand up and say hey we're gonna go have an orgy but the group decided they don't want you there how do you say that to somebody you know i mean like you can't say that you know i mean you almost cannot say that especially if it's somebody you like you know because sometimes that's the situation is yeah you're going to fuck two or three couples and there's another couple you really like but you know that they're not invited because you know whoever in that that group doesn't want them there so like how do you say that to them why can't we just like all have orgies and individually if you're not comfortable with someone you like you know what i mean just avoid them yeah yeah or no just like if they go to touch you say no thank you and that's my preferred method and we've been in that situation before yeah it's okay if there's 10 couples in our in an orgy situation and you only want to be somebody comes up to you and says okay if i touch you you can say no thank you that's hard and it's awkward and that's hard to do too but at least then it's not fair to the person completely excluded from the experience yeah especially if i mean i'll be honest with you there's a lot of people that i genuinely like as people but i don't necessarily want to fuck them but i don't care if they're fucking right next to me or they're doing like i genuinely do not care and that does not bother me but i don't personally want to sleep with them right so what ends up happening is amanda is people are like oh i'm gonna go back to my room and freshen up or i'm gonna go get a drink or we're gonna go to the bathroom and then they they go disappear to a room that was pre-designated to where everybody was going to fuck. Like that's what's really happening at every single party in the lifestyle ever because people can't be honest and have and have conversations. But it is what it is. You know, I mean, this feels icky feels icky. I don't like why I don't know what else to say. I mean, that's the truth, right? No, it's the truth. I think everybody knows it's happening. It's the truth, yeah. Everybody knows it's what's going on. And there's no good answer to fix it, right? Well, the answer is let's all be honest. Let's all be honest with each other. Let's put everything on the table. But even with that, I'm saying be honest. But I'm not going to tell my friends, we're going to go fuck these three other couples and you're not invited because so-and-so doesn't like you. Like, I not gonna do that it's easier for me to say well so-and-so needs to be the one right i mean i would say to my friends oh hey we got plans we're gonna dip out right and not explain but not explain all the rest of it you know i mean and they probably would know what kind of is going on but it's just it's awkward can we normalize being happy for our friends when they go fuck someone else yes we can you know like it's okay if we don't always get invited to everything like it's okay like yeah i mean it's easy to say but it's harder when you're on the other side of that yeah and all your friends are leaving the club and we're not good at least us in our head we can tell ourselves well it's because we're the hosts so they know they didn't invite us because they know we have to stay here right like they're not just leaving and ditching us because they don't want to fuck us it's because they know we're the hosts yeah we have to stay here they're not just ditching us that's what we tell ourselves when it happens but i mean i hope that answers your question i apologize that it's clear as mud but i mean to be honest that is the truth um i think that you and everyone else is thinking the same thing you just happen to be a unicorn and alone and don't have a partner in this so um yeah and i will say we're all dealing with this right so everybody in the lifestyle is trying to navigate this how do i play with people and not other people and how do i not hurt people's feelings and how do i you know keep when there's groups that come together how do we navigate that and not you know have people that don't get along clash with each other you know so everybody is dealing with this there's not a good answer i encourage everybody to be as open and honest in that communication as you can and try to not get your feelings hurt if you are on the you know on the being left out in some situations because it's inevitably going to happen um but that's really all i can say about it yeah all right anything else that's it all right i think that answers amanda's questions as best we can if you have a tuesday talk question feel free to email us at the swing nationnation at gmail.com. You can DM us on Twitter and Instagram and Facebook. Shit, you can send us a DM on OnlyFans if you want. But I will say the email is the best, the best source. It is for Tuesday Talk. Yeah. So theswingnation at gmail is your best bet we check all the emails some of the some of the dms they go to spam folders and get lost and stuff so um send us an email but we look forward to it okay all right amanda thanks for the question and i hope to get some more from you guys soon i think with that in a world full of apples be the pineapple be. Bye. If you've enjoyed our podcast and want to support us, leave a five-star review wherever you're listening. If you want to see more of our content, you can find links to Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, OnlyFans, and more in the show notes. Come join the conversation with us and other Swinger content creators on our Swinger Society Discord server. If you have questions or feedback, email them to us at theswingnation at gmail.com. Make sure you head on over to theswingnation.net and keep up to date on all things Swing Nation. We thank you so much for joining us, and we'll see you next time.
