Send us Fan MailTuesday Talks: Holding Out or Missing Out? The Struggle to Find a First Swap | Episode 49In this episode of The Swing Nation Podcast, the top-rated podcast about non-monogamy and swinging, Dan and Lacy dive into another Tuesday Talks segment, where they tackle listener questions with honesty and experience.This week, Wendy calls in to share her frustration after a year in the lifestyle without finding her first swap. She and her husband are committed to not taking one for the team, but they’re struggling to find a couple where mutual attraction aligns. Wendy fears that forcing the experience just to check a box could lead to resentment.Dan and Lacy offer their advice on managing expectations, redefining attraction beyond just physical looks, and focusing on trust and connection as key factors in chemistry. They explore how prioritizing genuine vibes over rigid standards can lead to more fulfilling experiences in the lifestyle. If you’ve ever felt like the stars just won’t align, this is an episode you won’t want to miss!- The Swing Nation - Main Website Quick Navigation Website: -- (Find all our social media links more!)- Swinger Society - Our Website to meet, connect events Swinger Society Discord Our Facebook Group- Swinger Websites -Kasadie 90 day free trialUsername: TheSwingNation SDC 14 day free trial Username: TheSwingNation** Use code 36313 for 14 days free! ** SLSUsername: NorthernGuynSouthernGirl- Merch More -Order Your Merch Here!- Lacy’s Fun Links -VIP OnlyFansPREMIUM OnlyFans-- THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS --Wisp : Making sexual healthcare inclusive, cost-effective, and accessible—for everyoneUse Code SWING at checkout for 15% off your oder!Shameless Care: ED Medication and at home STD testingUse Code TSN at checkout for $30 off your order!Promescent® Make Love Longer, It’s Time for Great SexUse Code SwingNation for 5% off!Sing it Bikinis: adjustable one-size styles, thoughtfully crafted to flatter every body type.Support the show- Thank you for the support! -
Transcript
Speaker1: This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18, it contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice. Welcome to the Swing Nation Podcast, a podcast by swingers for swingers where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe interview the activists learn and grow together. Join the nation. So Lacey, people are asking, how do they get to go to a party or an event with us? They check out swingersociety.net, you create a you sign up for an event and you come hang out with us super easy that's right if you want to party with us and the other faces and names that you know from social media and tiktok head on over to swingersociety.net can't wait to see you there Tuesday Talks Just send your questions So Dan and Lake said Tuesday Talks Swing Nation got you feeling sexy hey there pineapple people and welcome to the swing nation podcast we are your host northern god and southern girl and today we are back with another rendition of Tuesday Talks. Yep. Talking Tuesday. With Dan and Lacey. Dan and Lacey! All right. So you don't even know what today's question is. I don't. I was working in the back when you picked it out. So let's go to the phone lines and let's hear it it together okay hi it's wendy i am calling because i have a question for your tuesday talk i love when you guys do that by the way so long story short my husband and i have been in a lifestyle for just over a year and up until this point we have remained swapless sad right it's me i'm the problem it's me we've met so many great couples in this last year year and a half but i am usually not physically attracted to the guys in the couple now that's kind of a big deal because my husband and I are both straight. So, you know, we want to swap fairly. When I'm attracted to somebody, then it seems like he hasn't been attracted to the wife. And we agreed at the very beginning when we joined the lifestyle that we were never going to take one for the team. But here we are all this time later swapless losers it feels like is it just time for me to rip the band-aid off am i thinking about this all wrong is it always about attraction i'm not sure where to go at this point to be honest we're having such a blast in the lifestyle and we really want to have fun play partners but it just seems like the stars haven't aligned i'm worried that if i just go ahead and do it when i'm really not feeling it that i'm going to be resentful afterwards and i don't want that to happen especially with it being our first swap what do you do in this situation any feedback would be much appreciated thanks she seems so nice i was gonna say first of all i love wendy yeah she's cute i want to be her first oh wow didn't expect that okay i'm just saying that she was she had a good like she had a good yeah and she was well spoken yeah i feel like she probably speaks publicly or something. Maybe. She's like a teacher. Maybe. Probably a naughty teacher. A nurse, something like that. Something like that, yeah. I just think teachers talk in front of people more. Yeah, yeah, I get it. I think that Wendy's problem is very common in the lifestyle. You know, it's funny. While she was talking, I was thinking about a conversation that you and I had in the car today. Do you know what I'm talking about? No. We were talking about how many guys I'm into versus how many girls you're into. Anyway, this is something that we've been openly talking about with each other for the last, I don't know, six months or so, really. i don't know we've came to a realization lately that we don't have to be like what is I don't know you know how like when you're madly in love with someone it's like madly lusting over someone you don't have to be like they don't have to be the most gorgeous person or fit all your boxes to be a match in the lifestyle and I thing let me just like kind of back up because i kind of said a lot right there um when you and i first started in the lifestyle we like we were looking for our traditional type of like person like i'm not saying it right help me trying to get there like you have a box right when you're dating somebody Let's say, for example I'm not saying it right. Help me here. No, you are. I'm trying to get there.
Speaker2:
Like you have a box, right? When you're dating somebody, let's say, for example, when you have, you're dating someone, you want them to be a certain height. You want them to have a certain color hair. You want them to have a certain job. You want them to have, you know, you have all of this criteria that you're looking for,
Speaker1:
for an ideal, like mate partner. And that's kind of like what we're taught as children. You know, you come up with what you're into and that's what you look for um and then I think we apply that to swinging a lot of times like we take all of those things and be like okay well this is okay so now this is what I want to find in the lifestyle I want to find this type of guy or this type of girl and then but lately we've been realizing that you can have a lot of fun with people that maybe check off five out of your 10 boxes or three out of your 10 boxes or one or one now one of these days that guy that or girl comes in and they check off all of them and it's a fucking like it's one of those nights to absolutely remember but those dates in between, you know, are still really, really fun. And you can still learn a lot and have a great time, even if someone doesn't check off all your boxes. 100 percent. That would 100 percent be my advice to Wendy. I think the problem that people have in the lifestyle is we treat it like what you're saying. Traditional dating. Yeah. Right. You who would be your life partner and that's kind of how you're approaching it in this she may not even realize she's doing it because we didn't even realize we were doing it yeah it's it just like kind of dawned on us at some point like no we're not taking these people home to meet our parents we just want to have a fucking awesome night you know like as long as you're respectful and you know for me cleanliness you know is important and and you have a good vibe and we have a great time and you can make me laugh and you're not taking life too seriously let's let's go let's have a fun time yeah so if i was going to give advice to wendy on how to find more people to connect with i wouldn't even call it lowering your standard I would call like look at it in a different light like broadening your horizons 100% broaden your horizons it's a good way to put it because Lacey exactly what Lacey said is what we all do we look for this person when we start dating in the swinger lifestyle we treat it like traditional dating and it's not that you have a life partner you have somebody that that fills all your boxes you have somebody that you want to go through life with these people that you're engaged with in the swingers lifestyle it's just for fun it's just for fun it's not even for a full 24 hours you're talking about like three four five hours tops you know it doesn't it's not that serious um it and and wendy's probably like wait it is you know if she's only been with the same guy for like 20 years to her right now it's probably going to seem that serious and unfortunately this is kind of like a learned thing we had to go through it we had to learn it and so I think people like Wendy or newer people in life so will also kind of follow suit. But I think knowing in the beginning maybe will help you kind of get there quicker. I mean, don't get me wrong. Nobody wants to take one for the team. And we've actually talked about that as well, about how it's very, very hard to find a couple. Let's say we and you are a full-slop couple. Wendy and her husband are a full-slop couple. it's very hard to find a couple let's say we and you are full stop couple Wendy and her husband are full stop couple it's very hard to find a couple that you're equally attracted to the other couple damn near impossible or vibe with or whatever the case may be yeah it's damn like it's not 100% about attraction there's just no way there's no way that we are exactly going to match every single time but like sometimes I'm really into the guy and you know that and you might be like 70 80 percent into the girl but because you know that I'm super in you're more eager to kind of pursue that because you know it's like you're looking out for me and vice versa so the same goes for you if you're super into a girl and maybe the husband's okay maybe he's not my favorite but he's clean. He's nice. respectful you know i mean he's like kind of the life of the party hell why not you know 100 you have to look at the swingers lifestyle like you're not trying to date and fall in love with these people you're just trying to have a good experience and to me what matters like you said cleanliness is important yeah looks are you have to be somewhat attracted to the person yeah but it's to me it's more about do i trust this person do i vibe with this person does this person have good energy right are they are they bringing positive energy to this experience and do i feel like i'm going to have a good time with that person and as long as the answer to that is yes how attracted to them you are or if you find them super hot or not super hot or you know you can go even further how big their dick is how big their boobs are do they have you know do they have stretch marks none of that fucking matters you're just trying to have a good time a positive exchange with that person at this event this night this weekend or maybe into the future but but you're not trying to marry them and i think that's how we traditionally have approached relationships and that's how we traditionally when we're newer to the lifestyle programmed to do that so it's very hard to break that programming it's something we've been taught our whole lives now i want to i want to keep going because this is her very first swap so i think that's that's a little different though because well one you almost need to like rip that band-aid off and just do it and just then you're like oh i was really overthinking things and that's what i was gonna say is does it even matter that it's her first swap i mean it's not like she's a virgin like she's had sex before i think she's in her head to me it's more important that she just does it than necessary that it's the greatest best experience of her life correct but i don't want her to have a bad experience so i don't want her to even if you have a bad experience as long as you learn from that experience and grow you're headed in the right direction right in this lifestyle for windy though i don't want her to have a bad time but she's gonna have bad experiences at some point she's gonna have a bad experience right so i just don't think i think some people get so focused on this has to be perfect everything has to be all the check marks have to be met you know it's got to be the perfect night and the perfect situation and me and my husband have to be you know perfectly in tune so that everything and they think like butterflies and rainbows are going to come flying out of the heavens and it's just going to be this life-changing thing yeah and it's not that it's just not that it's just sex right yeah so i think let go of that forget about all that just just enjoy the moment and if it's terrible that's terrible learn from it and move on honestly sometimes terrible swapping makes me love you more does that make sense right that's probably a little toxic it doesn't matter what as long as you know nobody hurts anybody yeah you know there's consent and all that that's what's important but as long as that yeah there it doesn't matter what happens yeah to me like if i have a mediocre to like not necessarily bad but like because the only way i'm really gonna have a bad experience is if somebody crosses the line right which doesn't happen right rarely if ever the most important thing when finding the first couple you're going to swap with is finding a couple that you trust yeah it doesn't matter how hot they are it doesn't matter how big his dick is it doesn't matter that all the stars aligned if you trust them if you trust them you can move forward with yeah because i think that's the most important thing it might be bad sex listen the first time you have sex with somebody think back to when you were single before bad sex. Listen, the first time you have sex with somebody, think back to when you were single before you were a swinger. The first time you have sex with somebody, it usually is bad. You don't know how to kiss them. You don't know what they'd like. You don't know where their buttons are. Like the first time you have sex with somebody is usually the worst time in most situations. Right. But then you like you kind of figure it out and you go from there and you try again and you learn and you grow. And it sounds like Wendy wants to be on this journey with her husband and they want to progress. And I think the most important thing is to take those steps. And it's okay if they're not perfect. We have these friends. I've talked about them so many times on here. They know who they are. They were, I do say it in quotations, in the lifestyle for a year before they did their first full swap. Similar to Wendy. Very similar. they um i do say it in quotations in the lifestyle for a year before they did their first full swap similar to wendy very similar they um i think were just really taking it slow and i think they took it so slow then towards the end they were like kind of overthinking and like when do we do it when do we not and they finally just ripped the band-aid off and i don't think it was the greatest experience for them no i mean i don't think it was bad but i don't think it was like but like the next. No, I mean, I don't think it was bad, but I don't think it was like, but like the next day they were like, oh, I get it. I get it. You know, they're like, oh, okay. This, yeah, we're good. Now, now we're fine. Cause they had done everything but that. Um, so I think, yeah, cause she did ask, am I overthinking it? Am I thinking too much? And I think a little, but I also don't think you should hook up with somebody that you're not into. Yeah, there's a lifestyle group called iOS Connections, and iOS stands for It's Only Sex. Oh, I didn't realize. And that's it. It's only sex. And I think our society has built sex up to be this grandiose thing. And I think we put so much thought and fear and anxiety around sex when really it's just a pleasure exchange with people and as long as you're safe and you have consent that's all that matters and you know i like finding people that genuinely want to share a connection with us and that genuinely want to give pleasure to each other that that's what this is about yeah and so as long as you meet people and you feel like these are genuine people who i trust and i can share in pleasure with them i think that's what matters more than anything else if you can laugh with them if you can joke with them if you can have fun with them this is about having fun yeah it's it's naughty fun but it's still about having fun and exchanging pleasure and we i'll tell you this someone like the hottest guys tend to not be my favorite to have sex with because they're like they're too obsessed with themselves like it's the same way yeah they're too like you know they're thinking about calories and working out in the gym and like they're looking at themselves in the mirror and worrying like i i would much rather have sex with a dad bod who's just gonna rock my world than some muscly like workout guy who only cares about himself you know i i think that's also something really to remember no i i you know and you said well he doesn't have to check all the boxes and you know it's it's okay if not all the stars aligned i'll tell you there's been some times where we've engaged with couples and i felt mediocre going into the experience and then they surprised me they like rocked my world i was like holy fuck like there's been times where we've like seen pictures of people and i'm like they're okay but then i met them in like in person and i'm like oh they're super because they're just cool people you know it's not really about like the way they look you know they they're better in person than the pictures you kind of put out there i agree there's definitely several of our friends that the longer we've got to know them and the more we've connected with them the more and more attractive they become to me and it has nothing to do with their physical appearance 100 100 so to wrap this up wendy you are 100 overthinking this it's okay to rip the band-aid off i would say just find a couple that you trust you feel safe with that you can you you share energy with yeah you share a vibe as the kids say these days um and just make it happen and i promise you it's not going to change your you know it's not going to change your life not that one experience now the lifestyle in general is probably going to but one night with a couple is not gonna it's not gonna be pass or fail and and remember that because i think there are people that have one bad experience and like oh this lifestyle is not for me it's over i quit one bad experience is not a way to judge anything yeah um or it's one good experience but go out there have fun right and uh i promise you um it's gonna be a good time yeah eventually even if the performance sucks yeah uh okay if you have a tuesday talk question um we would love to hear from you we could use some more like wendy call us leave a message if you don't feel comfortable calling we have quite a few more people texting in and stuff like that and you can also email us at the swing nation at gmail.com do you know the phone number it's probably on that phone yeah if you do type in swinger society if you have a question from us we would love to hear from you we love hearing your voice your tone your inflection um i love thinking about what you look like naked when you call oh you do yeah yeah and all the callers i'm picturing them naked in my head as they're talking wow that's what the you know when i was a back when i was an instructor that's what they teach you right to picture everybody naked so when our callers call in i'm picturing them naked in my head as they're talking. Wow. That's what the, you know, when I was a, back when I was an instructor, that's what they teach you, right? Oh. To picture everybody naked. Oh. So when our callers call in, I'm picturing them naked. What does Wendy look like? I think she's, she's blonde. Oh, really? Yeah. I was thinking brunette curly hair. I think she's, you know, maybe a little older than us, but not old, old. Like? Mid to late 40s. Yeah, early 50s. Blonde hair. I think she's, I think she's a teacher. Probably like a teacher probably like a younger like elementary school or something is this some kind of naughty fantasy that you're creating she's tall skinny yeah i was thinking brown curly hair a little bit shorter blonde hair for sure she looks really good naked though oh yeah really good i'm impressed with her i think you might have just sexually harassed me. All right. If you have a question, you want to be sexually harassed, you can call us. And that number is 972-302-7716. One more time. 972-302-7716. All right. Well, we hope you call and ask your questions. We can't wait from here for you. Thanks for listening to Tuesday Talks. And I think with that, in a world full of apples, be a pineapple, be a pineapple, guys. Bye. Bye. if you've enjoyed our podcast and want to support us leave a five-star review wherever you're listening if you want to see more of our content you can find links to snapchat twitter if you've enjoyed our podcast and want to support us leave a five-star review wherever you're listening if you want to see more of our content you can find links to snapchat twitter instagram only fans and more in the show notes come join the conversation with us and other swinger content creators on our swinger society discord server if you have questions or feedback email them to us at the swing nation at gmail.com make sure you head on over to the swing nation dot net and keep up to date on all things swing nation we thank you so much for joining us and we'll see you next time goodbye
