Send us Fan MailTuesday Talks: Help my Wife Wants to Swing | Episode 13Join Dan and Lacy on The Swing Nation Podcast, the top-rated lifestyle podcast about non-monogamy and swinging, for another Tuesday Talks segment where they answer listener questions.In this episode, Dan and Lacy address a heartfelt question from an anonymous listener on social media. This listener s wife is eager to join the lifestyle and participate in orgies, but he is hesitant due to his sheltered upbringing and fears of losing his wife. Tune in as Dan and Lacy offer their insights, share personal experiences, and provide advice on navigating these complex emotions and concerns, helping couples find balance and mutual satisfaction in their journey into the lifestyle.Don t miss out—hit play now and join the conversation!- The Swing Nation - Main Website Quick Navigation Website: -- (Find all our social media links more!) Follow us on Facebook! The Podcast Website- Swinger Society - Our Website to meet, connect events Swinger Society Discord Our Facebook Group- Swinger Websites -Kasadie 90 day free trialUsername: TheSwingNation SDC 14 day free trial Username: TheSwingNation** Use code 36313 for 14 days free! ** SLSUsername: NorthernGuynSouthernGirl- Merch More -Order Your Merch Here!- Lacy’s Fun Links - VIP OnlyFans PREMIUM OnlyFans-- THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS --Wisp : Making sexual healthcare inclusive, cost-effective, and accessible—for everyoneUse Code SWING at checkout for 15% off your oder! Shameless Care: ED Medication and at home STD testingUse Code TSN at checkout for $30 off your order!Promescent® Make Love Longer, It’s Time for Great SexUse Code SwingNation for 5% off!Pinaq Liqueur; The Official Drink of The Swing NationUse Code TSN at checkout for 15% off!Support the show- Thank you for the support! -
Transcript
Speaker1: This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18, it contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice. Welcome to the Swing Nation podcast, a podcast by swingers for swingers, where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle. Come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe, interview the experts, learn and grow together join the nation so lacy people are asking how do they get to go to a party or an event with us they check out swingers society.net you create a, you sign up for an event, and you come hang out with us. Super easy. That's right. If you want to party with us and the other faces and names that you know from social media and TikTok, head on over to swingersociety.net. Can't wait to see you there. Sexual health care can be so much more than STI testing. WISP offers services like emergency contraception, help in delaying your period, UTI treatments, and so much more. They You know what I mean? care can be so much more than STI testing. WISP offers services like emergency contraception, help in delaying your period, UTI treatments, and so much more. They even have a product called the OMG Cream that helps provide more fulfilling orgasms for women. WISP provides same-day prescriptions and can give you discreet treatment in the comfort and privacy of your own home. Check out the link in our show notes or go to HelloWISiz.com and use code SWING for 15% off. Most people have unprotected oral sex, right? Be honest. Now think about your last STD test. Did your doctor tickle your throat with something that looked like a giant Q-tip? Probably not. Yet that's the only way to check for oral gonorrhea or chlamydia, which are often asymptomatic. You need a better doctor. You need shamelesscare.com. Use coupon code TSN at checkout. Hey there, pineapple people, and welcome to the Swing Nation podcast. We are are your hosts northern guy and southern girl and today we're back with another listener question for tuesday talks we are i feel like we're turning into like relationship advice yeah what was that like uh it's like a newspaper like dear abby dear abby yeah we're like the swinger version of dear abby yeah that's the direction i feel like tuesday talks has gone into it has like i didn't know i didn't see that it's okay though i don't hate it yeah i kind of like we're just not professionals guys like let's just make that super clear like this is just two people that have you know had some ups and downs and you know are kind of used to speaking on like a public platform and we're just kind of giving you our two cents agreed uh we are not relationship coaches please do not take this as like the gospel no okay no but it is fun little tea like i like because some of these are kind of like yeah a little bit people are like you know they're struggling out there. They got issues. They need help.
Speaker2:
Yeah.
Speaker3:
We got issues.
Speaker1:
What better way to relate to our listeners?
Speaker2:
What did we fight yesterday about? I don't know.
Speaker3:
But it's always something with us.
Speaker2:
We are just like you. Okay. So this one is another one of those anonymous ones.
Speaker1:
Dan's going to have to start. Anonymous social media person has a question. Okay. I'm needing some help my wife and i are having some problems my wife is bi and i'm a straight male she is wanting to get back into swinging again and group orgies i've always lived a sheltered life and always been with one person and at one time i'm willing to try to see my wife's side of what she would like. I'm just nervous and scared that I would lose her. And she says we would never do anything without each other. And we'll always come back home with each other. I'm confused.
Speaker2:
I need help.
Speaker1:
So from what I gather from this, it sounds like they're their marriage is struggling. No, he said. Yes, I didn't get that. He said, hold said hold up he said my wife and i are having problems well they're disagreeing like obviously she wants to be a swinger i took that as we're having problems in our marriage no i think they're struggling on this issue i didn't think it was an overall relationship see because i read that as we were having trouble in our marriage and my answer to that is do not do anything like if you were having trouble in your marriage do not go and fuck someone else like never ever red flag no but i mean i don't know i guess i read that as they're struggling about this subject and they're asking us for help on this one thing so i agree with you if if if the writer if you and your partner are struggling in your relationship overall then do not do this do not stay away from this do not now if you and your partner are in a happy healthy relationship but it sounds to me from what he just said that she must have been in a previous relationship where she was a swinger yeah and, and he is very sheltered. Because he's saying he's sheltered. He's lived a sheltered life. He's only ever had sex with one person at a time. And this makes him very nervous. And it sounds like she has experience in the lifestyle. And she's wanting to get back into it. Okay, I hope that's it. So I'm assuming they are a happy, healthy newlyweds. Or maybe they've been, you know, second marriage couple. And his wife is like, baby, I used to do some hot shit. You should try some of this hot shit. And he's like, whoa. I don't know what the hell you're talking about. I hope that's what he is. I am a Christian and I don't do that stuff. And she's trying to convince him. I don't know if he's a Christian. I just made that up. But this is a scenario I have in my head. Okay. Well. Because he lives a sheltered life. Your scenario is better than mine. Okay. Because mine was like going to be, this was going to be over real quick. I'm like, no, do not. I don't think, I didn't get that from that. But okay, I can see what you're saying. So we agree, listener, if you and your relationship, and your wife are struggling in your marriage, work on that, fix that. Yeah, go to counseling. Swinging is not the way to work on it. No, that will, all that will do is just implode. All right. Yeah. Now, let's assume i've read this question the right way and inferred what he meant by this the right way and they are just struggling with this one issue and they they need help and guidance and it's she wants to swing and he's actually from what he says he's actually open to the idea but he's nervous and scared that he's going to lose his wife he said he's willing to try is that really open to me that seems coerced willing to try it's open yeah that's that's okay my wife's coming to me with this listen it goes against everything i've been taught my life because i live this sheltered life but i love my wife and i trust her and so i'm willing to give it a try but i'm nervous because i live this sheltered life if that's the case then okay but if it's the other way i'm afraid of losing my wife so i feel like i have to do this to make her happy again maybe i'm maybe i just woke up you're just jaded maybe i i feel bad for this guy i feel you feel like he's being coerced i do a little yeah see i and this is funny because i actually read it when i read this i'm like oh this is just a guy like she has experience so she's comfortable because she's done this before she knows it's not okay but hold on so like just we're gonna get off on a tangent here but switch it around say the guy was the one trying to get his wife to do this because he was would it be different would you look at it differently because it's a female and she's like oh let's go have this hot sex and he's like oh like i feel like the male was like pushing the female to do something we know couples that have gone both ways we know couples where it's the husband who's really into it and the wife is hesitant i probably actually know more couples that i can think of where the wife was into it and the husband was hesitant i think it's normal either way and it's actually in this case very normal because she has experience so i think for her it's not as like drastic of an idea because she's done it before where him if he truly let live this sheltered life this is probably like shattering his whole world to even think about trying yeah so he's struggling with this this to even like think about doing it because it goes against everything he was taught his whole life yeah yeah i don't know i have mixed emotions i'm gonna let you lead this because i just want to save him go ahead i do all right so again if you. I do. All right. So, again, if you are only doing this. All right. So, first of all, if you're having relationship issues, go fix those. Second, if you're only doing this because your wife is coercing you into doing this and you have no interest and no desires. Or you feel pressure because you're afraid you're going to lose her. Yeah. Don't do it. Yeah. Okay. Now, let's go with the the least pessimistic sorry uh understanding of this let's just assume that you've lived this sheltered life so this is just kind of shattering your world yeah but you love your wife you're in a good relationship you trust her and so you're willing to give this a try but what i'm hearing you him say is but i'm worried it might cause me to lose my wife i'm not gonna answer what do you mean because he may that's my that's my response why do you think it's gonna i don't know something about this just gives me the heebie-jeebies i don't know i don't i feel like this is a lot of relationships though i don't know i think this is almost every relationship where one partner he just doesn't seem to want to do it okay i'm gonna get off my soapbox go ahead he didn't he doesn't say he doesn't want to do it he says he has fears and i think anybody considering this lifestyle for the first time yeah has fears i guess because one of those fears i think everybody has is i could lose my partner. Let me, like, defend myself here. I never had to do that. Like, I was never in – like, I never entered the lifestyle. You entered the lifestyle as a single. Yes. And then you and I were both in the lifestyle. As singles, right. So as someone – somebody else that has done this, maybe for them, they totally see his his side and for me i maybe because i've never walked that road maybe that's why i'm struggling with it i don't know if you really think about it right yeah a couple's approaching the lifestyle yeah there's always one is always leading that approach that whatever goal one is always kind of you're right pushing for it you're right always one that's hesitant and i think every couple that's thinking about this that one that is hesitant is fearing the same things that this guy is saying right no i agree it's like i love my wife i want her to have a good time but those are also valid fears i guess that's like my point like a lot of couples this is amazing and wonderful and honestly i love the lifestyle and i think he would probably have an awesome time but also if he's sheltered and this just totally freaks him out and is not something that would ever have been on his radar i don't know and this is kind of i can't remember i heard somebody talking about this one time and they said you know the experiences you have in the lifestyle are going to be more positive with the amount of trust that you have with the person you're engaging with right and they even went on and i wish i remembered this was a podcast or this was i don't know something i was reading i don't even know where this came from and part of what they said is if you approach your partner about the lifestyle and they're not interested or or their answer is no a lot of the reasons that might be is because they don't trust you enough right like you don't have that that foundation of trust um to to explore i think it takes a lot of trust i think a lot of like especially people that don't know a lot about the lifestyle just assume that this is just like super easy and we're just like no like like we're not human like we have no emotions like it's interesting because i think a lot of times when i think about it and i think the couples that don't want to do it i think of like the first things i think about is like jealousies and insecurities right i don't often think well they don't want to do it because they haven't established a level of trust between them which i think that that's the third piece right so jealousy and insecurities will that'll that'll ruin you real quick but if you don't have trust in your partner if you truly don't trust them you're not going to want to do this either yeah so going back and working on that those trust issues can also be a fix for this. But I think, you know, so this person who's writing us, you know, he's kind of saying all these things. It sounds like he has insecurities. I probably freaked him out. It sounds like he might have a little bit of jealousy. And it sounds like he has trust issues.
Speaker2:
Yeah.
Speaker1:
And so I think, you know, he really needs to work on those things with his partners, his own insecurities. Because if he's thinking his life, his wife is just going to leave him if she engages with another man, that's definitely an insecurity issue, right? And then it's a trust thing. Now, I will say, if he does trust his wife, I think he can get past some of those insecurities. Yeah, and especially if she's super bisexual, that's like an easy way to start. Like, just with a female. Like, have her have her come that last little part where he says like hold on you know i really want it i want to do this but i uh i'm just i'm willing to try and see my wife's side of what she would like i'm just nervous and scared that i would lose her she says we would never do anything without each other and we will always come back home with each other i'm confused and help it sounds really sweet though yeah it actually is so what she's saying is like we're gonna do this together babe like i'm gonna i'm gonna be right by your side you can trust me well baby steps we're always gonna reconnect we're always gonna be together i guess like i don't know if it's my motherly instinct or something i just like i just worry about him and he's just seems he seems pure maybe that's what it is he seems pure and genuine We'll be right back. motherly instinct or something i just like i just worry about him and he's just seems he seems pure maybe that's what it is he seems pure and genuine like he really loves her he wants to give her what she wants but he also wants to like maintain their marriage and i think that's super sweet and valid and but also kudos to her for saying that because those are the right things to say you should do it together you should always come home together and that's what it's all about yeah so i really think maybe he or they need to reflect on themselves like does he have any of these fantasies so like is the only thing holding him back is that the insecurity or trust issues or maybe is this just not because there's some people i think it's just not yeah they just don't want to do it like it's not well and that's the cool thing like we've been preaching this for years is a lot of people think they have to like do a full swap like the first night and you don't have to like if he genuinely is super like sheltered and has no knowledge of the lifestyle go to like a swingers club on like a saturday night but make a commitment to each other that there will be no kissing no having sex no anything like that you're literally there as an observer and like if he goes into that situation and he is just super uncomfortable and not happy then that's that's going to tell him something he goes and he's like this isn't quite as bad you know it's not that bad maybe you know and then like maybe go home reflect on it let it sink in let it marinate and like really talk through it like that's the good thing about the last you don't have to like you don't have to fuck somebody on the first day like you can this could be a long drawn-out process to figuring out if this is what you want to do and then again because she is bisexual bringing in like what once if he ever gets to that point like bringing in a girl might be an easy step into him yeah and that's what i was going to say is really what i would suggest to him is reflect on your fantasies right what are your fantasies do you have fantasies of seeing your wife with another girl do you have fantasies of seeing your wife with another guy do you have fantasies of being in a group play do you have fantasy like if you have those fantasies then it's like you want something's there you want to do this it's just your insecurities and trust and and you know maybe jealousy that's holding you back all right so if you have those fantasies then work on the jealousy the trust insecurities and then thirdly like what you said take baby steps right and i think those baby steps are good because if you have insecurities or trust issues when you take those baby steps they'll almost like reassure you right like oh for sure we did this little thing and it's okay yeah okay we did this other little thing or the office that we did this and i'm not okay let's talk about how we can you know how can we maneuver can we work around this can this be a boundary like there's always like ways to talk through it like even just like her dancing with another girl could be like another could be like step one how does that make you feel let's go back let's talk about it you know um but i'm sorry i felt like i feel like i was a little jaded a little overprotective a little overprotective but it comes from like a sweet soft place i'm very sorry if your wife is listening to this she's probably like that bitch but no i really think if you stop and you take a step back yeah you're right and you look at it this is why we're married babe i react on emotion and you react you're like no i think their story is every couple that's coming together to the lifestyle it's it's their story is everybody's story yeah no we all have doubts and and fears and you know yeah and so i think what we just said taking those baby steps addressing the the insecurities and you know some of the some of the issues they might have within themselves which is the great thing about the journey of the lifestyle what a lot of people don't understand is you know you go you might enter into this lifestyle thinking like i'm gonna do this so we can have hot sex and that's cool and that's that's an awesome goal but what happens is you work on yourself right you start to work on your communication skills with your partner you start to work on your own insecurity issues you start to work on your own jealousy issues you start to build trust with your partner at a level that you probably have never had in your life you know i mean so all these benefits come to your relationship that you some you didn't realize what's going to happen just by going out and seeking some good sex or some different sex or seeking out your fantasies, whatever you want to say. I think some of the second and third order effects of that are very, very positive for your relationship. Agree. But I do think step one for this gentleman is do you even have those fantasies? Yeah. Like are those in your head? Is this really something that you want to pursue or are you just doing it to make her happy and if you're just doing it to make her happy and you don't have at least some level of desire and want to do this i don't think it's gonna work no and even if they tried it would probably be a nightmare yeah all right anything else that's it all right we love your tuesday talk questions even if lacy tears your question apart and makes you want to quit the lifestyle even though you're just asking i'm sorry i feel like shit like i like halfway through i was thinking like should we stop and rerecord this but that was genuinely like how i was feeling yeah that was yeah i was just being a little mom of air i guess no i think your reaction is sweet like you're just like oh my god he's fried like don't do it like yeah please like run yeah um but it i will say somebody that was like not super sheltered but not like totally promiscuous um i never would have imagined that i would be in this lifestyle and it's really freaking amazing right and yeah and open to the amount of things we're open to yeah even me i can't i never thought we'd be where we are now five years ago no no way so it's and it's it's all good yeah yeah uh so anyway if you have a tuesday talk question you can email us at the swing nation at gmail.com or message us on any social media platform you can find links to all our social media on the swing nation don info we'd love to hear your question and uh and try to answer it for you yep all right i think with that guys in a world full of apples be the pineapple be the pineapple guys bye if you've enjoyed our podcast and want to support us, leave a five-star review wherever you're listening. If you want to see more of our content, you can find links to Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, OnlyFans, and more in the show notes. Come join the conversation with us and other Swinger content creators on our Swinger Society Discord server. If you have questions or feedback, email them to us at theswingnation at gmail.com. Make sure you head on over to theswingnation.net and keep up to date on all things Swing Nation. We thank you so much for joining us and we'll see you next time. Goodbye.
