Send us Fan MailLifestyle Interview | Preparing for Your First Lifestyle Event: What You Need to Know | Episode 162In this episode of The Swing Nation Podcast, the top-rated lifestyle podcast about non-monogamy and swinging, Dan and Lacy dive into everything you need to know to prepare for your very first lifestyle event. Whether you re new to the scene or looking for a refresher, this episode is packed with practical tips to ensure your experience is a success.Dan and Lacy cover essential topics like what to discuss with your partner before attending, what to wear to feel confident and sexy, and even what toys or accessories might enhance your fun. From the basics of event etiquette to tips on navigating social dynamics, they provide a comprehensive guide that will leave you feeling ready and excited for your first lifestyle adventure.If you’ve been curious about attending a lifestyle event but unsure where to start, this episode has you covered! Tune in to get all the advice you need to make your debut in the lifestyle community a memorable one.- The Swing Nation - Main Website Quick Navigation Website: -- (Find all our social media links more!)- Swinger Society - Our Website to meet, connect events Swinger Society Discord Our Facebook Group- Swinger Websites -Kasadie 90 day free trialUsername: TheSwingNation SDC 14 day free trial Username: TheSwingNation** Use code 36313 for 14 days free! ** SLSUsername: NorthernGuynSouthernGirl- Merch More -Order Your Merch Here!- Lacy’s Fun Links -VIP OnlyFansPREMIUM OnlyFans-- THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS --Wisp : Making sexual healthcare inclusive, cost-effective, and accessible—for everyoneUse Code SWING at checkout for 15% off your oder!Shameless Care: ED Medication and at home STD testingUse Code TSN at checkout for $30 off your order!Promescent® Make Love Longer, It’s Time for Great SexUse Code SwingNation for 5% off!Sing it Bikinis: adjustable one-size styles, thoughtfully crafted to flatter every body type.Support the show- Thank you for the support! -
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This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18, it contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice.
welcome to the swing nation podcast a podcast by swingers for swingers where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe interview the experts learn and grow together. Join the nation. So, Lacey, people are asking, how do they get to go to a party or an event with us? They check out swingersociety.net. You create a profile, you sign up for an event, and you come hang out with us. Super easy. That's right.
If you want to party with us and the other faces and names that you know from social media and TikTok, head on over to swingersociety.net. Can't wait to see you there. Sexual health care can be so much more than STI testing. WISP offers services like emergency contraception, help in delaying your period, UTI treatments, and so much more. Thank you. health care can be so much more than STI testing. WISP offers services like emergency contraception, help in delaying your period, UTI treatments, and so much more.
They even have a product called the OMG Cream that helps provide more fulfilling orgasms for women. WISP provides same-day prescriptions and can give you discreet treatment in the comfort and privacy of your own home. Check out the link in our show notes or go to HelloWiz.com and use code SWING for 15% off. Most people have unprotected oral sex, right? Be honest. Now think about your last STD test. Did your doctor tickle your throat with something that looked like a giant Q-tip? Probably not.
Yet that's the only way to check for oral gonorrhea or chlamydia which are often asymptomatic you need a better doctor you need shamelesscare.com use coupon code tsn at checkout hey there pineapple people and welcome to the swing nation podcast we are your hosts northern guy and southern girl and today we have a very special episode for you uh back to practical advice yeah it's been a while yeah it has we've been doing a lot of events and then the educational podcast we've been doing between events have been a lot of interviews and stuff like that so we haven't had many dan and lacy kind of practical advice episodes yeah and because we did not make it to splash port lauderdale we do this that would be what this week's episode was on since we didn't go um because my parents are my mom was in the hospital she is home now by the way um so thank you all who reached out she did come home yesterday after like nine or ten days in the hospital um but because of that we did not go so therefore we do not have a recap so we decided to come up with a topic that we felt like would be helpful to y'all yeah so we're going to go over how to prepare for your first lifestyle event um and the reason i want to talk about that is because we get messages all the time it's like hey we're bob and suzy and we're you know in california and we just on a whim booked our first trip to hedo please help us we have no idea what to do yeah correct we're scared we're nervous what are we supposed well and it doesn't even have to be heated that is a huge event i would say even a seasoned person would probably be nervous but like let's just say you want to go to your local club or um a hotel take over all of this advice is kind of the same for all of them you just add extra days if it's more days there take some days away so i think think whatever stage you're in, hopefully this can help.
Yeah. I also wanted to bring up the fact that we just published a lifestyle guidebook. Yeah. You did that, babe. Yeah, we wrote it and we published it and it's completely free. It's only 10, say, 10 pages. It's pretty simple.
But it's basically like if you are thinking about it's really this subject right here right so if you're thinking about joining the lifestyle and you're not sure what to do it's kind of like a step-by-step kind of how to get how to get into it we have all like the the key podcast episodes linked like you know what to wear to a club and uh stuff like that so if you're interested in that if you go to the swing nation dot info at the very top it'll say um you know subscribe to our email list to get a free lifestyle guidebook click that all you do is put your name and your email in there and we'll email you that guidebook yeah so super excited about that okay uh so let's talk about what to do if you're preparing for your first lifestyle event okay okay so i really think the first stage is talking to your partner right so there's some assumption in here that you've already been talking about you know surely like you didn't just book it and be like surprise wife here we're going here i mean you hear those stories those stories do exist but let's let's pretend like that doesn't happen and then this is a couple who have been communicating already about joining the lifestyle or maybe they've met a few couples to dinner or something like that but they've never actually like went anywhere or swinging yeah right but i do think if you've booked an event and you're thinking about going, it is key to have this like talk about boundaries, talk about what your expectations are, what you're OK with doing, what you're not OK with doing.
That way you and your partner are entering the event on the same page.
Yeah, because you if you don't do these things, you're setting yourself up for like some sort of drama, to be with you and even if you are like a really good solid couple that in in all other aspects like you've got it down like sharing your spouse and walking in you need to know what's okay what's not okay and honestly you might not even know some of them until they happen but at least if you just kind of have like a good overview of everything you're going into it in in a positive way yeah i think it's important to talk about okay we're going to this event are what are we open to doing you're dancing with other people kissing other people are we okay with touching you know are we gonna swap or if we do is it gonna be a soft swap or a full swap um because the problem is going to be is if your husband's going and thinking you guys are going to full swap and the wife is going thinking you're just there to observe what an event's about that's going to create problems yeah so what if i have a question what if you ask your spouse like you're sitting there and you having this discussion and say, like, so what are you open to do?
And the spouse's response is everything. Because that happens. I think people just don't know what to say. And they're like, we're down for anything. We're down for everything. And to me, that's like a huge red flag.
And that even in the perfect – like the most perfect couple, everything should not be be on the i think there should be some boundaries is this question before so like if you're talking about it before going to the event yeah and you asked me yeah like me and you sitting here like okay damn what are you okay so what are we okay with doing babe what are you thinking and i say everything and that's what you know no i don't think that's okay do you well unless i mean like there might be some case where they're on the same page about that.
If they've never swung and they've never, and have no idea what they're walking into. Not the way I would recommend doing it, but I guess it's possible. But what you, what we always say, and I think that the way to go with this is play down to whoever has the lowest comfort level, right?
So maybe I, maybe the husband or me in a scenario, I am down for everything and maybe's legitimate but maybe you are i'm like oh my gosh more nervous and so what you say is well i'm not okay with i don't feel comfortable with that right now but what i would be comfortable with is maybe dancing with some people maybe kissing that's where i you know want to stop maybe me and you can go to a playroom and fuck with you know in the corner or something like that while people are watching us um but that's as far as i'm willing to go at this point in time if i'm your supportive husband i'm probably gonna be like well that sounds fucking cool too especially if you've done nothing up to this point that's gonna excite me enough and be like okay well that sounds awesome let's do that and then we'll set that as our boundaries and we'll go forward um but as a general rule if you're entering the lifestyle space you always should play down to whoever is the least comfortable because you never want to push somebody too far and outside their comfort level because that's when problems happen that's when people get upset that's when feelings get hurt so as a general rule try to avoid that now we do encourage people to push yourselves right you know i think there are people that could be in this lifestyle for 10 years and never do anything if they don't push themselves a little bit but you have to kind of push yourself within your comfort level if that makes sense okay all right so set expectations make sure you and your partner are on the same page about that i also think going in you guys need to come up with some kind of way to communicate to each other during the event, right?
And some people say, oh, well, we're going to use a safe word or we're going to use hand signals. I would say whatever you decide to do, don't make it overly complicated, right?
Because you might confuse each other and if it's some kind of crazy hand signal, maybe he thinks you did this when you really meant that like uh as simple as possible is always good i know there's some like hey babe i need a drink you know i'm thirsty let's go get a drink at the bar and you know just a way to step away and say hey how do you feel about this couple how are you feeling how are you know like having some kind of check-in system honestly i think that is a perfect way to do it because you're not saying weird things like hippopotamus or like blinking three times and i think even season like you know like they're trying to signal somebody to steal a base in baseball or something like i think even like you and i could probably do a better job of that and i think seasoned couples can let's just it's easy to kind of get caught up in the moment and when you step away and have like an honest conversation like i think that in the end is a better right you might be a speeding train heading towards a brick wall and you're so caught up in the moment you don't quite realize it but when you step away from the scenario and kind of talk to each other like there's been several times where i think lacy's like giving me the green light i'm like this is gonna happen she seems so into this and then like before we get away and we have a talk and i'm like this is hot this is gonna be awesome this is great she's like get me the out of here and i'm like wait what yeah huh but that's not i did not that was not the situation that's not the way i was reading the room well especially like you're excited you probably had a drink or two you're feeling good like there's a lot of reasons why you might like one part of that couple could be misreading the situation for sure yeah so i think um same expectations and then some way to check in with each other and i think stepping away and i also say you know we're tailoring this towards new couples but what i love is when you see an experienced couple and they say something to you like hey guys we'd really love to go to the playroom with you guys no pressure we're gonna go get a drink you guys talk about it for a minute and then we'll come back and check it you know when they give people the opportunity to talk before something happens and we've seen that several times i think we try to do better at doing i don't think like giving couples that opportunity but like hey we're gonna go to the playroom we'd love you guys to come with us you don't have to but we're gonna step away give you guys a minute to talk about it if we see you in there great if we don't no worries you know like little things like that like intentionally giving couples that space to have that communication prior to something happening i think if you're an experienced couple that's the way to do it agreed okay what about what event to attend is there is there some thought for the you know if people are thinking about attending their first event should they put some thought into which event to go to i get this question a lot when i go to talk live like where's more newbies is where should we go what should we do and truthfully i don't think there's not like okay some places have newbie night but really nobody kind of follows that everyone kind of just goes you know but they do have newbie night and stuff like that but really i don't think i can say go to this club or go to this event because i don't know you right you know and i think for me it depends on what type of person you are if you love to dance and like flirt that way and you love music and that's just your total vibe and then you meet someone and you think you know you're you go straight back to the playroom a club is probably going to be your best bet because it is you know it's fast paced you dance you drink you grind on each other and then hopefully intentionally you eventually you go to the playroom that same night because you might not ever see that couple again um if that's seems hot to you and that seems like your jam then you need to do that like if the thought of going to a club even like a vanilla club freaks you out maybe don't do that um or if maybe it takes you a little longer to get to know someone you can't you don't feel comfortable meeting them on a dance floor and then immediately well not immediately but the same night go back to a playroom you might need to do something that has two or three days built in so that way you have a chance to get to know someone like a hotel takeover like a splash or a naughty new orleans or even like keto bliss yeah yeah or you know like let's say you don't have a lot of opportunities to um travel and you maybe you have small kids or your life your work is busy and so this is kind of like a once a year once every eight months type thing and you just kind of want to make it luxurious and fun maybe a resort might be your better bed because you get a week-long chance or however long you choose to stay um opportunity to meet couples you hang out and really relax so it's like a vacation and this naughty fun at the same time so i really just think it depends on um on the couple i do think though if you are new i think it's good wherever you go to lead with we're new this is our first lifestyle this is only our second we've never fully swapped we're just kind of working our way through all of this i think being honest with people is the best way to do it if you're a newbie no i agree i you know there are some it is interesting because we always say like oh bliss cruise like that's a huge event and maybe not good for for newbies because like they're trapped on a ship with three four thousand other swingers but then there's some things about a bliss cruise where you could probably go on a bliss cruise and not do anything and it would just kind of feel like a spicy vacation correct and then they have all these workshops and stuff that go on during the day where you could you know attend these different classes where you could learn about things um so i really think you know you can make the best out of any any event yeah um i think you could tailor any event to a new couple correct the larger ones just do have a lot of resources so if you're a seasoned pro and you've been at this for a long time you may not go to the seminars you might not care anything about speed dating or learning how to come or giving the best blow job ever you might not care about any of those things that like a big huge lifestyle event offers um but if you're new those those might sound fun you know like and even some of the bigger Los Alv have um trained uh counselors or doctors there that can help you navigate like it can actually have counseling sessions with you to talk about some of the things and kind of help you along so there's definitely a perk to going to the big ones i guess this is kind of advantage and kind of a disadvantage there's a lot of people so depending on who depending on who you are, that might seem amazing because you have so many people to choose from.
But on the flip side, it can also be overwhelming. But like you said, if you're ever overwhelmed, and I tell this to people that go to Secrets all the time. I get overwhelmed, and I can't even tell you how many times I've been to Secrets. You just have to remove yourself and kind of like. Go back to your room. Go back to your room. Kind of center yourself. Get a snack. Yeah. Get a drink. Take a little cat nap. Yeah. Maybe go fuck your husband or whatever. Yeah. Sometimes I just like to go back to the room and scroll like on my phone and like not have to think or do anything.
And that kind of like it calms down my anxiety.
It just kind of like me out a bit so i think there's perks and advantages and disadvantages to all different ones yeah okay what about it seems like every event every club the the rules and the etiquette and things like that are a little bit different so how do people know like if they've never been to a place before how do they know like what the rules and things are going to be when they go well one you can check out their website most clubs hotel takeovers hotel takeovers maybe not them so much because they tend to be smaller run organizations but most big clubs events will have rules on their website.
definitely check out those um at check-in a lot of times they will give you a tour maybe not on like a bliss cruise they're not going to give you one but they do they will do what like a club like if you're first time there you can even if they don't offer it you can ask and usually they'll do it or have like a seasoned couple there now bigger things like naughty bliss screws hedo a lot of times they will have like couples yeah they'll have host couples and they'll have like a guide to naughty i know for instance they have that in the like the owner the director of naughty teaches a class and kind of tells you what to expect.
Yeah, even on the hotel takeover and stuff. Usually, like, that Thursday or that Friday night, they'll have, like, a newbie seminar where you can come. And I will say that even if they don't have anything official, if you tell someone there you're new and is there someone that can show you around, they will find somebody.
Listen everybody's wanting to fuck people like there's somebody will be your friend somebody will help you if it's not the owners of people that run it someone there will be more than happy to kind of show you the ropes yeah i think another thing about rules um so usually if you buy your tickets online you're going to get like an email um or before you buy the tickets there's some kind of like thing you got to agree to so most of these events are like members only and to sign up for the membership you have to like review and and click rules and accept them and stuff like that so what i would say is if you know we get all the time you know we get emails and stuff about our events and they're like oh what what are the you know what about this or what about that or what are the rules for this and it's like if you just read like you signed it and you'd agree to it yeah you clearly didn't read it so maybe take some time when you do sign up and you purchase tickets um or some like resorts and stuff when you get to the front desk and they have you actually sign the rules again most people are just excited to get in there and they kind of just skim through them real quick and sign um but if you don't do have any questions, take time to read all that stuff that they give you and that you're signing and agreeing to so that you really do understand the rules going into an event.
Okay, let's talk a little bit about the practicality. So you booked an event, you know the rules, you've talked over your boundaries, you and your partner are on the same page. What do you pack? What do you bring? What do you wear? We get these questions all the time. This is probably my most asked question. Most swinger events have a theme.
You probably already know that now if you've gotten to this far um and i always say dress with what makes you feel confident and beautiful and the sexiest version of yourself so if the theme is something crazy and you have no fucking clue what to do they don't wear it like it's going to be okay not everyone dresses in theme you know it's usually probably a little over half you know half and half depending on the event but some people just choose to not ever dress it so i say you can never go wrong with like a little black dress something like that will always make you feel beautiful but if you choose to dress in theme it really just depends on how elaborate you want to go.
Some people are going to go to the very top. Some people are going to throw on like just an accessory and that's going to be fine. So that's completely up to you. I would say dress like you're going to a super sexy club. So less is more. Confidence is more than that.
You know, you have to feel confident, feel beautiful, and look your best that's really what what is going to work for you yeah um some places do have dress codes they do um the dress codes seem to be more picky towards the men i will say it seems like women can get away with just about wearing anything if you want to wear a pair of panties and a bra um that are loosely based in theme and they're gonna let you in like that if a guy shows up it doesn't have a collared shirt they kick him out sometimes you know i mean so it's i think you know pay attention again to the websites and the rules and stuff like that when you sign up um guys for most clubs um they're going to want to wear some kind of collared shirt and some kind of pants that don't have holes in them and then either dress shoes or if you do wear sneakers or something like that they can't be like dirty and things like that so some kind of nice pair of shoes um now for men though we found that if the resort or party is around water like secret tito bliss cruise splash Splash.
They tend to be a little bit more lax on their attire for men. It's really the clubs that kind of get picky about guys. It's your more traditional swinger clubs that are really, you know, really want those collars and shirts. Everything outside of that is definitely more rave-like themed.
So whenever I'm trying to find, him an outfit for instance i will google like whatever color you know or whatever that theme is men rave outfits or men festival outfits and usually um and that's that's what i kind of try to help you base your outfits around um but it's i i think just since we've been in the lifestyle it's got and i don't know if that's just because you're more confident in yourself but the men's shorts have gotten shorter and the holds have gotten more met or the shirts have gotten more mesh or more holy or it's definitely become less of clothing for men i agree i think you know we've been doing this for five six years now you didn't see guys in clubs and just thong bikini bottoms very often early early on nowadays that is not unusual yeah there's usually at least a few at every event um so i do think you're right i think guys are getting more comfortable wearing less and being a little sexier i think that's generally more accepted in most most places nowadays um and the funny thing is a lot of these clubs is like you might have to wear a collared shirt and pants to get in but then at like midnight or you know 11 o'clock you can basically be naked so it doesn't really matter at that point so you pay attention to the websites i think guys it's very similar wear what you you're comfortable comfortable in i will say in general i think this was for men and women it is going to be hot always it's going to be hot i don't care if you're in arizona or if you're in alaska in a club um when you get hundreds of bodies out on a dance floor moving there's no air conditioner in the world that seems like it can set up it can keep up with these these events and these parties we've gone into you know we do like the tour videos and stuff when we go into the clubs before the event.
It's always freezing cold. Always. It's like you walk in and you're like, oh, my God, it's cold in here. And then you're like, oh, this is going to be great. Then at midnight, it's a million friggin' degrees in there and everybody's sweating. So think about you're going to be hot.
So, you know, long sleeves or like wearing jackets jackets and and things like that um generally speaking you're not going to want to do that because it's not going to last very long before you're sweating which is making me laugh because we have secrets next week and my outfit is long sleeve and has a jacket which i knew when i picked it like i was fully aware that i was going to be hot but like it was more about the like the fashion moment so but moment.
So, but early on in the lifestyle, I can remember a couple of times, like in the winter, I would pick like a long sleeve, like backless dress that was so sexy. No, you cannot do that. You cannot, you're going to die. Um, a few other things that I didn't mention that I want to mention about clothing. Women tend to change a lot.
Um, most women will at some point change out of their club wear into lingerie or something skimpier something see-through or you know just something less usually around midnight 11 45 especially at like clubs and stuff like that people tend to change so yeah i think yours early is like probably 11 yeah it just depends like if your outfit's uncomfortable or you're really hot you'll change um so i would make sure that you you pack some and you probably already have it pack lingerie but a lot of times i'll throw an extra lingerie or two and i tend to try to have them match the theme like if it's a pink party I'll throw in a pink set of lingerie or if it's a glow party I have a couple of things that actually glow I try to loosely have them match the theme I don't typically go out and like buy new lingerie for an event but some girls do also your shoes um I usually start in like the coolest prettiest shoes but they don't usually last very long it is very a gen x thing to wear tennis shoes to a club now i'm struggling with it because i you just don't do that you wear um heels or wedges or something so i've i have tried to embrace it a little but a lot of the girls don't even show up in heels they'll come straight in their like nike dunks and they look adorable i just have a hard time doing it because i feel i don't know i feel like i need a heel i'm i'm working i'm trying to break out of my millennial box i'm trying to work on it but that has been a thing more to have and like these girls have like all the colors of the dunks that like match their outfits and stuff you can even dazzle yeah you can even get like like generic versions like on amazon they have like the shape of them but like when black or red or whatever your theme is so that is definitely an option as well agreed uh okay i forgot one more thing one more outfit thing if i could talk about this subject for like you know all day if you're going to a club and you're staying at a vanilla hotel you need to have something to put over your clothes to walk out of the hotel depending on what you're wearing you know if you're just wearing a little black dress you're probably fine but if you have on pasties and a paint a pair of panties you cannot walk out of that you there might be a kid in the in the um lobby so i bought a cheap 30 trench coat from amazon like five years ago it's thin it's very thin um and i just throw that on over my outfit and i have even wore that and nothing under it back to the room.
It's like 2 o'clock in the morning. It really is nice to throw on. And it's worked perfect for me. You do get some weird looks when you wear a trench coat out of a hotel in August. Yeah. And it's not raining. But it's kind of fun. Let's give them something to talk about. You know? They just look at you like, why do you have all that? When you have high heels on. High heels. It's pretty obvious, yeah. All that makeup. All that hair.
Something's going on something she's going somewhere but i'll be honest it's gotten to the point now where i don't even care much like we're at tempted i just walked out with my but i mean i was how long is this respectful it was respectful i just like i had a ha Halloween costume on, but you know. Yeah. Okay. What to wear? What about what to bring? For a girl or for a guy? I'll do the girl. You do the guy. Sure. So, like I said, lingerie. I have a hoe bag. We sell them at merch.swingersidey.com. Dot net. Dot net. Thank you.
But yeah, I have a hoe bag and i carry a couple pairs of lingerie one or two just in case you know you're on these options one two three extra pairs that's used depending on what i'm wearing i have i have done that many times i usually bring a little bag of lip gloss, a hairbrush, a little makeup, because a lot of times we will stay from open to close, and so we'll have to touch up. But if you're just, you know, you might not need all of that. I'm trying to think what else. Any toys. Like if you're one of those girls that need a toy to get off, totally bring your toy.
That's perfectly fine to bring a little bullet vibe for sure what i mean if you want to bring a strap on i mean it's whatever whatever your jam is yeah but i don't bring a lot um for me i know you bring you kind of handle the the um i almost always have a vibrator on hand yeah and you have the condoms and all that so that's but that's pretty much what i pack right okay so for the guy i and i usually bring a fanny pack and what i will say is for the guys so some of these playrooms you have to go in naked right or in a towel or something like that um so you can't necessarily like have your condoms and your lube and stuff in your pockets of like your jeans um so it's nice to have a little like small bag that where you can put condoms you can put lube if you want to bring a small vibrator or something like that um and have it all in a bag and that way when it's time to go to the playroom you can just kind of strip down grab your bag grab your towel or whatever and then you have everything you need to go to the playroom so having all that kind of stuff in a quick bag that you can grab and go um has been pretty pretty handy for me another thing i'll say is alcohol we didn't talk about that most clubs uh and most lifestyle stuff is byob unless you go to like a resort or something like that usually they sell their own alcohol but if it's a byob club you're gonna want to bring your bottles of alcohol and generally speaking you want to bring some kind of tumbler or cup uh something with a lid screw on lid uh and straw you know straws things like that um we've never had any issues or problems with people slipping things into our drinks or anything like that but a cup with a lid is it's usually a pretty good idea and it's it's nice um a lot of those places they just give you like a little solo cup so it's nice if you have the bigger tumblers you don't have to go up to the you know sometimes it can take quite a bit of time to go up to the bar and get your drink and stuff like that um so having a bigger cup Thank you.
places they just give you like a little solo cup so it's nice if you have the bigger tumblers you don't have to go up to the you know sometimes it can take quite a bit of time to go up to the bar and get your drink and stuff like that um so having a bigger cup that you can make a drink and kind of carry around for a while um and it keeps it cold is is useful and it's easier to identify this is my cup as opposed to there being 50 red solo cups on a on a table or something like that oh i agree uh what about a fan yeah so we are we have our like rave fan i don't even know what you call that they're rave fans they're like those big uh fans those are crucial on the dance floor i can't tell you how many times i've met chicks just by having a fan and i'm coming up and being like can you fan me for a second i'm so hot but they do sell like little handheld fans like uh that you know you can charge just be careful of your hair with this yeah speaking from experience yeah let's learn that the hard way yeah but it's a little fan something like that is nice because like you said it's very hot in there yeah and we have those we actually have all of those things so we have the fans we have the we just launched them they're just been put the website.
The little bags. We have one that says kinky stuff. One that says only swingers. And then one that says might be makeup, might be sex stuff. And they've got little wristlets on them. So you can stuff those with whatever you like to carry to the club. And it's easy. So if you're not a fanny pack person.
But we also have fanny packs too yeah but those are merch.swingersociety.net and then the the wipes is something yeah yeah we usually carry dude wipes or something like that some kind of ph friendly um wipe so that you can you can clean up yeah depends on where you are and what club or if you're in a room sometimes there's soap and water some readily available sometimes there's not so it's just nice to have a wipe so that way especially if you're engaging with multiple people so that way everything's cleaned up yeah so we usually wear condoms but you know the use the latex free condoms and they don't have the best taste so once you take the condom off be able to kind of wipe down and kind of get some of that and that's also important that's a great point that you just made some people are allergic to latex you've gotten to where we really just almost buy latex free now just so that way um we're safe and you know you don't take the risk they're a little more expensive but it's kind of almost worth it um and they do from what i understand taste worse but yeah i don't like the like if you pull a condom off and you know like suck a guy's dick it does have a weird taste so i usually have you wipe in between just to get that it's like a powder like whatever that's made out of or something yeah uh so yeah definitely keep that in mind latex free for people that have allergies or sensitivities to latex um okay anything else that you can think of to bring bring to an event or club i don't think so okay all right i think now is the perfect time to take a little break and hear from the partners and sponsors of the swing nation podcast and then when we get back we're gonna continue this um what to expect for your first event well lacy since we're talking about what to bring to a club i think we should talk about promescent yeah they they have all the things they do they have the lube they have massage oils they have all the sex essentials that anybody could really want honestly their lube is my favorite lube that we use.
Their condoms are great. They have the wipes. They have all the stuff. So if you're looking to fill your sex bag to bring to a club, go to Promescent and check out all their things. If you go to theswingnation.info, scroll down to the bottom to recommended apps and products, you'll see the Promescent logo. If you use our link, you save a percent off each purchase. So go to theswingnation.info and get all the stuff you need for your next club experience. Okay, so I know it's becoming fall and then it'll be winter. Boo. That means bikini season is over.
But not if you go on vacation we'll be in florida next week there's a bliss cruise in november i mean i'm always down for a hito or a desire trip and sling it bikinis is the perfect place to wear those they are so cute so i just love that they're one size they basically fit everyone You just adjust the straps and make it work for you. I just recently took some super cute pictures. If you check out our Instagram, you can check a few of them out. And you can go to theswingnation.info to save a little money and get yourself a bikini. All right.
Another essential before you go to an event, if you're a guy, is you got to worry about performance anxiety yeah it's a real thing all of us guys experience it trust me almost every man in the lifestyle is taking some kind of ed medication for performance anxiety it can be awkward to go to your your doctor that you've had since you were a kid and say hey doc i'm trying to go to go to a lifestyle party. I need some ED medication in case I have performance anxiety. That can be a hard conversation.
So luckily we have shameless care, which is a lifestyle friendly online telehealth medical service where you can go, you can talk to doctors that know that you're coming from shameless care. They know that you're talking about lifestyle things.
They're completely familiar with performance anxiety and they have no issues with that so if you want to go you want to get that medication before you go to an event so that you're prepared you get that kind of swinger insurance policy in your pocket you're going to want to go to the swing nation don info scroll down to the shameless care icon click on that you're going to save some money on your first purchase just by signing up through us the swing nation podcast again go to the swing I'm not going to save some money on your first purchase just by signing up through us the swing nation podcast again go to the swing nation dot info click on the shameless care icon all right guys welcome back welcome back thank you for listening to our sponsors we love our sponsors just so happens they line up pretty nicely with this this podcast episode they really do like if you're looking for some things to bring to your first event basically all of our sponsors are the ones that are going to give you all those things that's why they're our sponsors exactly exactly okay all right so now we're talking about we went to an event we packed we're going we're there i think a lot of new couples where they kind of get wrapped around the axle about is i don't necessarily want to go to a swingers party because i don't they think they have to participate you think if they go into a club if they go into a party that it's going to be like this big orgy and everybody's going to be fucking and there's going to be pressure for them to participate in that yeah and on the flip side what if they go and they don't talk to anybody and then no one comes up to them and then leave pissed off because they don't think anybody likes them.
I mean, it happens. We've had people get mad at us as event hosts because they've showed up to an event and they didn't get laid.
It's like I don't think like our job is to throw a good party that's safe and safe and friendly where you can make connections but there's no guarantee that if you come to one of our parties that you're going to fuck somebody like we can't that's not how any of this works um so i i i think you brought up two good points so let's talk a little bit about the first one if people are going to a lifestyle event or if they want to go to a lifestyle event is there an obligation to participate? No.
And I've always said that if someone tells you that there is, you're at the wrong party or with the wrong person and you need to leave or talk to someone else because you, you should never be obligated to do anything at all. Agreed. A hundred percent. It is okay.
If you were just curious about this lifestyle and you just want to see what it's about you can go to an event with the and say we are not going to do anything we are just going to watch and see and see what happens um but we are not fucking anybody we just want to go to this party and see what these parties are all about yeah and people seem to be worried about that like will people get mad at them if they do that or will they get in trouble if they're gawking and watching?
And the answer is no, as long as you do it respectfully, if you just want to go and sit in a playroom, a lot of playrooms have like couches and benches and places that you can, you can kind of watch. Um, as long as you're sitting there and being respectful and not, you know, catcalling or, you know, just. Right. Don't try to be the director. Yeah. Don't tell a couple what to do and how to fuck each other. Yeah. Don't talk about the football game last night loudly with people beside you while people are trying to fuck. Yeah. Or sit in the middle of the orgy bed like and just watch.
You need to kind of step away. Right.
Give some people some distance people some distance and you know especially like if it's you and a spouse and you're sitting there kind of very close and maybe you're rubbing his leg and you're kissing some and you're just kind of enjoying the show there is absolutely nothing wrong with that right i would say like as a general we'll try to be like more than an arm's distance away for sure if you were just watching right now if it's an orgy bed you want to get on the bed and like you said you know make out with your partner or you know whatever masturbate with your partner whatever you want to do that's fine get on the bed but if you were just watching it is annoying we've had people come up and literally like their knees to the bed we're on trying to fuck and just standing there watching it's like i'm worried about like kicking you now you know like and i'm kind of worried about like are you going to try to touch or grab yeah lacy like you can't fully enjoy yourself distracting me because now i'm worried about you because you're so close to us that i'm worried that you might be trying to do something and i will say if you want to be like on the main orgy bed because there usually is one in pretty much every play space but you're not wanting to interact with other couples but you want to maybe have your own experience next to them totally fine totally okay but just be prepared that people may ask you if they can touch you and they may even wherever you're sitting if you're just sitting and watching they may you know like kind of touch your knee is it okay if i touch you you have to be prepared to give them your answer and that's something honestly i've had to learn being in the lifestyle um it's not as easy as it sounds to be honest not for me anyway maybe some people they can be like no thank you and i'm that way now but when i first started i had a hard time like doing that And I've had to kind of train myself to be comfortable with doing that.
So just know when you enter a playroom that people may approach you, and it is 100% okay to say no. It's also okay to maybe say yes, and then maybe that's all you want.
And then maybe tell them a few minutes in, no, thank you, I'm good now, get that it's hard to say no that first time yeah okay now let's flip that a little bit and talk about the proper ways to if you're in that space and you want to engage with somebody how do you go about like i'm the new couple and i want to engage okay so there's a couple ways um you know it depends on where you go in the playroom if you do go to the big orgy bed and you see a couple or a group that you would like to join in a lot of times dan and i will start playing next to them and ask like is it okay if we use this spot right here right do you mind if we get on the bed here if they say yes usually all right totally that's okay and then if we're interested in that couple we might move a little closer and then at some point we will ask to touch or join i typically like the female right to do that um i think women we just react better to the female i don't i don.
And honestly, the women kind of rule the lifestyle in an unspoken type of way. We kind of are the driving force, in my opinion. So I think it comes off better. Even if I ask for you, like, can I say, can he touch you? Is that okay? And if you say, no, thank you right now. I'm like, oh, okay, that's fine.
Yeah, and then that kind of gives you, as no no thank you right now but okay that's fine or yeah and then you know you that kind of gives you as my husband the green light so that is a way to start um there yeah another general rule if doors are closed or curtains are closed don't don't open yeah that's what i was about to say so open them yeah they're outside of the big orgy bed there are going to be um like smaller beds usually they'll have curtains around them sometimes they'll be in a room and they might be like a red rope if the curtains are closed you can totally usually you can see through them you can totally watch or you know or keep going but if they're open that kind of gives people the indication that you might be willing to have someone to join but the same rules still apply you're gonna have to ask and you're gonna you know and get an answer and if they're okay with you joining then they'll tell you yeah yeah i can think about there was one time we played on bliss cruise in a room and uh it was just you and i you and i on a bed you and i on a bed and we left the curtains open.
And I think it was a mistake because literally almost, we had like 20 people be like, can we join you? Can we join you? It was like every two minutes, three minutes. I was like, oh man, we totally should have just closed. But we left them open because we wanted people to watch us. Yeah.
Not because we were trying to get people to join us, but it turned into kind of yeah and to be honest with you if you're a new couple going into one of those playrooms like a lot of times they have white sheer curtains if you close a white sheer curtain and you can hear the sounds and the conversations of the people next to you and how they're talking and you can see their like outline of their shadows that's fucking hot like you don't even need to fuck anybody else like that in itself is very hard that's why you and I typically do that a night or two on big swinger events because it's just kind of nice to reconnect if you go into it and close the curtains you can kind of see and hear everything a lot of times you can even see like shadows of people fucking next to you it's like a enhanced sex for you yeah it is you kind of feed off their energy to hear all the usually the playrooms are Here we go.
enhanced sex for you yeah it is it's total like you kind of feed off their energy to hear all the like usually the playrooms are especially these bigger things are are in places that wouldn't normally be so you can hear a lot and it's pretty cool yeah agreed okay all right maybe this isn't in the best order but let's talk a little bit about approaching couples to like you said you know so if you go to a party and you just sit on the wall all night or stand against the wall all night it's not gonna be the best yeah like kind of what i was saying that couple that doesn't talk to anybody and then gets mad yeah i mean i think it's hard to talk to people especially let's say you've been married to your spouse for 20 years and you haven't went on a date or haven't had to like really flirt with anybody outside of your it's it's hard to get yourself back in that routine and if you're introverted or a little shy that can be hard as well but you have to put in an effort you can't just go and expect everyone to rush to you and it be this big orgy and I think people think that that sometimes you're going to have to step out of your comfort zone.
You're going to have to dance with people and talk to people. We met someone at Naughty this year, and he was like, how do you do that? Like, just walk up and start a conversation with somebody. And we kind of, it became a joke, but we saw them every single day at Naughty. And we would do that. We would be like, hey, I really love that shirt. Where'd you get that? That's so cute. Or is this your first time here? Little things like that. And honestly, you can practice at home. That sounds crazy, but you can. Are y'all from here? Do y'all come here very often?
Little things like that are really how you're going to have to have a conversation and you're going to have to start talking to people now once you get to the playroom that's a different type of conversation uh yeah uh what about things to avoid talking about politics religion asking people where they work asking people kids personal things i mean don't get me wrong we know a lot of those things about our play partners but we don't ask them the first night yeah as a general rule in lifestyle settings you don't talk politics uh you don't talk about religion and you don't try to pry into like people and who they are um it's funny because it seems like in the vanilla world like what do you do for work and you know those are kind of like some of the first questions that come up in the lifestyle world those are some of the last questions nobody cares um it's a lot of you know where are you from how long you've been in the lifestyle what are you guys into you know things like that really kind of get the conversation going um you kind of try to avoid some of those dividing conversations um okay and then i guess we're a little out of what about when you do decide to play with a couple i think it's really important for people to talk take a minute and talk about like rules and boundaries and things like that yeah it's not super sexy and to be honest with you we've had, like, not great experience is because we failed to do this.
So, like, it's something that we really have to work on as well. Like, let's say you meet a really hot couple in the dance floor and you all really hit it off and you decide to go back.
And you have no idea if they're a full swap couple or if he's bi or he's straight or if she's into girls or do they use condoms or when was the last time they were you don't know any of those things and then you get in the playroom and so like let's say she's not into girls and your wife wants to go down on her and she has to stop her and it just makes it awkward right so at some point before preferably before you are naked it now it does happen sometimes when we're fully naked and we're ready to play so as long as you have it it's ideal but preferably before you're literally on a bed naked yeah it's nice so you know where are you from what are you guys into oh what are your rules and boundaries or you know like getting once you kind of feel the conversation going that way it's nice to do that before you're naked in the bed but if you have not done that right do it naked in the bed like it's better to be naked in the bed sitting there staring at each other than have somebody's face in a pussy and they're like no i don't like that you know it's definitely better to have those conversations so what it i guess my question to you is what if you're this new couple what would you say like what kind of information should you tell them uh well so if we're talking about the scenario where you get to a bed and now we have to go over rules and boundaries and i think you know this is new couples can do this really that you know i think it's more on the experienced couples but somebody even in like orgy situations you know if you listen to our podcast you know how we play a lot of times it's in a group you know there's two three four five couples there somebody needs to stop that group or stop before the sex starts and say hey guys let's have a quick conversation about rules and boundaries okay you know it wears the nose for everybody you know and a lot of people be like nothing in my butt you know or you know um wear a condom right i can't no latex for me you know like oh hey you know and even some girls are like oh hey you know like sometimes it's i'm on my period so you know i i want to participate but just you know i just got my hands in my mouth today.
You know what I mean? And, like, I know one girl, she loves girls playing, and she's like, just no fingers. Because, you know, girls have long nails. Some have long nails. Some have short nails. She's always like, I'm totally down for oral, just no fingers. So it really just depends on what you're into. You're right. Like, I can imagine if somebody's listening to this and being like, oh, my God, somebody goes to a a swingers club on their period and they've got to tell people. That's not really a big deal.
You can still have a lot of fun in a swingers club even if you can't have penetrated sex. It's perfectly okay to tell everybody, please do that rather than somebody feel like a tampon string or something.
that's the way to do it yeah so i think it's very important to stop and have that conversation of what the goes and no goes are of this situation so everybody's on the same page because like you said somebody puts a finger on somebody's butt that they don't want it now all of a sudden there might be a fight yeah so um i think laying the cards out there is very important the more you talk about that before you go to the playroom the better but i think you definitely need to stop and have that conversation before you start before you start fucking and it's kind of one of those things the more you do it the more comfortable it gets the more you are confident in what you are okay with and what you're not okay with i will say if you are a new couple and you have decided that you are not going to full swap or you're not going to do whatever thing don't change your mind when you're in that situation don't be like well we said we we might no you have to walk in with your clear boundaries and you need to stick with them even if halfway through you think you know what i could do this that's a decision for the next day for your next trip i agree you need to stick with what you have decided on and honestly if the couple that you're sitting there with talking about this with if they want to push that they're not the right couple for you right and we've even brought new couples to like orgies and stuff like that and been like hey they're just soft swap or yeah we've done that or hey they're just here to play with each other and watch like don't nobody touch them i can think of like one couple that came to one of our very first atlanta trips they were brand new but they wanted to be in a playroom they wanted to in like experience that and they had communicated that to us so we as people that were around you know were more comfortable brought them to the playroom like hey guys they're brand new they're just going to like parallel play by themselves so we're just going to let them just kind of watch and be a part of it um and everyone was totally respectful of that yeah yeah and so that's i mean that comes to play and then you know i think that kind of sums up the the night right like what i talked about before what to wear what do you do there how do you interact with people how do you play how do you talk about rules and boundaries i think that's kind we ran through most the gambit is there anything else that you can think about that we didn't talk about well i guess like what and we don't have much time left but like what if something doesn't go like you think it's gonna go yeah i think this kind of maybe goes back to managing expectations this lifestyle is a roller coaster right when we didn't really talk much about jealousy and stuff like that but if you are new and you're experiencing all this for the first time at some point in time in this journey you are going to get triggered by something yeah whether it's a jealousy trigger whether it's a you know somebody was off putting to you whether somebody upset you or made you feel left out or made you feel not pretty or made you feel uncomfortable those things are all going to happen at some point in time along your lifestyle journey um and probably more so in the beginning right and that's okay but you have to manage yourself like yeah you're in charge of your emotions you have to respond to that in a mature way yeah and i will say we've seen people fight at events and clubs and especially being host of a lot of those things we do tend to be a little bit more involved in that part um take your shit back to the hotel room in the nicest way possible it is it's okay things are going to happen you're going to get jealous somebody's going to look at your husband or your wife wrong as long as someone didn't break a rule of the you know if someone has done something that is inappropriate and you need help from an organ you know from somebody that organized the event that's one thing um but this is just like that girl looked at my husband and i didn't like it these are this type of thing just take it back to your hotel room talk about it in the uber on the way back of even now i tend to be a jealous person and things will bother me but i know that we're going home together i know you love me i know you're i'm always going to be your number one i can even wait till the next day to talk to you about it most sometimes yeah once some time passes once everybody sobers up the thing that seemed like yeah it was so major It's such a big issue or problem in the daylight the next day when you're sober does not seem like such a big problem and truth is we all have things we've all got our feelings hurt we've all been a little jealous we've all felt left out everybody has had something happen um but you just don't want to be that couple that's fighting in the parking lot we've seen it time and time again where or she's crying in the corner if you feel yourself getting to that point it's time to go just get your uber go home just you know um because that's it's not good to be that person it's not good no and the funny thing i don't want that for you either you know and i'm not saying that for me i mean like we can handle you know as far as when we throw events it's fine but like that's embarrassing if i had every time i was jealous if i had thrown a fit and acted a fool we wouldn't be in the lifestyle anymore we just couldn't do it right now i will say you just kind of it sounds dramatic and drama but like i've seen just as many fights at normal vanilla bars you know for sure the reason these things happen is when you get a bunch of people together and alcohol and then you add sex then you add yeah like it's just a recipe for those things to happen the thing is about like lifestyle it's like kind of like a small town like people are going to remember but and unless you're like are in california and you live in florida and you never plan to go to california again but if this is your local club that you'll probably go to all the time people are gonna know you were the couple in the parking lot throwing shoes and yelling and right acting a fool right yeah if you if you don't handle yourself in a mature way you will get a reputation for being drama and that that will get out to people yeah so to speak so just take it back talk about it that night next morning whenever you feel like it's an appropriate time but obviously something major happened and you need security definitely get them that's a different different topic yeah for sure okay i think that sums up um expectations for events or what to expect or how to prepare and get ready for events i hope that helps if you guys got an upcoming trip or an event if you're coming to party with us at one of our swinger society events we're getting ready to go to secrets next week for our backstage pass takeover we still we've had some cancellations so we still have a few rooms available so go to swingerside.net and grab those if they're still available go book yours we'd love to have you down there at secrets with us we got more events we're going back to louisville in december we're going to dallas in january and then we got pretty much an event every single month scheduled for 2025 we release those about six months out so keep an eye I'll see you next time.
in January. Uh, and then we got pretty much an event every single month, uh, scheduled for 2025. We released those about six months out. So keep an eye on the calendar. You can go to the swimmer side.net and see our calendar and all our events. Um, we'd love for you guys to come out and party with us. Um, we work really hard to provide some of the best parties, safe environments. We work very hard on the meet and greets and the mixing and mingling. We try to really create an environment where you can form genuine connections and have a good time.
And hopefully that leads to the playroom if that's something you're interested in when you come to these events. So we try to facilitate that the best we can. There is no you're going to get fucked guaranteed, though. There's no you're going to get fucked in your money back guarantee. No. I think that would be illegal anyway. Yeah. But we try to lay all the groundwork there for you so that you can make it happen if that's something you want to do. So please come check us out. Anything else? That's it. All right. I think with that, in a world full of apples. Be the pineapple.
Be the pineapple, guys. Bye. Bye. If you've enjoyed our podcast and want to support us, leave a five-star review wherever you're listening. If you want to see more of our content, you can find links to Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, OnlyFans, and more in the show notes. Come join the conversation with us and other Swinger content creators on our Swinger Society Discord server. If you have questions or feedback, email them to us at theswingnation at gmail.com. Make sure you head on over to theswingnation.net and keep up to date on all things Swing Nation.
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