Send us Fan MailThe Swing Nation PodcastLifestyle Education: Tips for Beginners 2.0 Holiday Special | Episode 20In this swinger podcast episode, Dan and Lacy bring us a part two of their very popular Tips for Beginners Episode. They go over chat etiquette, how to handle a first date, tips for playtime, and much more. Whether you are new or experienced in the lifestyle, these are some important tips that may help you along your lifestyle journey. _______________- The Swing Nation -Main WebsiteQuick Navigation Website: -- (Find all our social media links more!)Follow us on Facebook!The Podcast Website_______________ - Swinger Society -Our Website to meet, connect eventsSwinger Society DiscordOur Facebook Group_______________ - Swinger Websites -SDCUsername: TheSwingNation** Use code 36313 for 14 days free! ** SLSUsername: NorthernGuynSouthernGirl_______________ - Merch More -The Swing Nation MerchThe Swinger Pride FlagsSwinger Society Merch_______________ - Lacy’s Fun Links -VIP OnlyFansPREMIUM OnlyFans_______________ -- THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS --Shameless Care: ED Medication and at home STD testingUse Code TSN at checkout for $30 off your order!Promescent® Make Love Longer, It’s Time for Great SexUse Code SwingNation for 5% off!Pinaq Liqueur; The Official Drink of The Swing NationUse Code TSN at checkout for 15% off!Non-monogamy Couples Course and Single Guy Mastery CourseUse Code ATLANTA for 50% off!Support the show- Thank you for the support! -
Transcript
This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18, it contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice. welcome to the swing nation, a podcast by swingers for swingers, where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle.
Come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe, interview the experts, learn and grow together join the nation welcome to the swing nation podcast i'm your host northern guy and southern girl and in uh today's episode we're gonna do a little uh tips for beginners 2.0 yeah we keep getting tons of questions so we just decided let's make another podcast about it right so this is kind of the the continuation of our tips for beginning episode the extended version yeah we keep getting questions about okay we got all the stuff you told us in the first one but but then what yeah what do we do now this is kind of like okay you find a couple but but now what do you do yeah what do we do where we go from here yeah correct so we're just gonna we're really gonna break it down from like the very beginning until you like the next day right and again we said this in the first time we did this but this is our opinion i think there's for sure i think there's a lot of ways to do this.
I think opinions probably vary in the ways to approach it. So this is the Dan and Lacey version. Yeah, for sure. Like, honestly, there's a thousand different ways to do it. And we're just going to give you some advice, like swinger to swinger. So, I mean, do with it as you will and, you know, come up with your own plan. Yeah.
So, you know, we went over last time getting on sls or stc the abs meeting people um you know where to go first and stuff like that but we're gonna dig a little more deeper into that so we'll assume you know how to set up a profile and get on an app and now you've you've met a couple right yeah like you found that couple they're the ones you're brand new you've connected yeah for some reason you're into this couple and you just want to know what to do next yeah so when dan and i typically use these apps he and i kind of find that most relationships one or the other in the couple kind of handles it primarily it seems like so Dan typically handles most of our social apps and stuff like that so he'll send me a picture of a couple and it's like what do you think kind of given you know he's wanting me to give the green light or red light however I see and if I'm like yeah they're hot then he kind of typically goes back and starts a kick chat with them, which is an app.
We talked about kick a little bit before. A lot of swingers tend to be private. They don't want to give out their personal information. So kick is an app that you can use that protects your phone number and your contact information.
You basically have a username um you can also turn the notifications off um you can hide it pretty well in your phone so you know if you don't want a text for some random guy popping up on your phone it kind of helps protect from all that yeah i'm uh very much let's all move to discord kick is like going downhill quick isn't it i mean in my opinion i don't know with the ads and the I think Discord's all move to Discord. Kik is like going downhill quick, isn't it? I mean, in my opinion. I don't know. With the ads and the – I think Discord is better.
Lacey hasn't really made the jump yet, and a lot of swingers haven't. But I will say the Discord server that we do run, there's quite a few couples that have started their own groups and things on there. That's awesome. So it is an alternative to Kik. But either way, however you choose – like even if you just exchange phone numbers and start texting, you basically just start a chat. Right. Dan and I's case, we include all parties. Yeah. So we always do, you know, we are a full swap same room couple. So we like to keep everything on the up and up and everybody chat together.
So we do group chats with with kick or even with text messages and things like that um so i mean again if you're if you're into separate play if you know if you're okay with people texting each other with not in a group setting that's you know that's perfectly fine we don't have much experience with that so i couldn't really tell you what to do and not to do in that situation but uh for us i think we're focused more kind of on that group chat setting yeah well because that's really all we know anything about yeah so um so yeah so dan is typically the starter of the groups just because he's the one communicating and he'll kind of add all parties in and it's kind of a go from there i mean i really enjoy that those first few however long you chat with someone some some couples we've chatted with for just a day or two others we've chatted for months some years um and never met but um yeah so that's fun for me i really genuinely enjoyed this part um sending hot nudes yeah so i guess yeah what are the rules of the chat group i guess like what what is okay to say what's not okay to say what's what's the whole idea of it like what do you think i mean i don't really know what's i don't know that anything's off limits i mean you're not gonna bash your husband or wife but other than that i mean as far as likeinger related, I think it's all kind of on the up and up.
Yeah, I think it's whatever, you know, whatever you and your spouse are comfortable with. For the most part, it's almost like, you know, if you've matched with somebody on Tinder, you know, like or you're dating, you know, if you've had any experience with that, it's kind of the same idea. You're getting kind of feeling each other out. You're kind of being a little bit of flirty. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, so, yeah.
So it's typically like, you know, you share your names, where you're kind of being a little bit of flirty yeah yeah i mean so yeah so it's typically like you know you share your names where you're from you know like what you're into what's your boundaries um obviously you're going to share pictures you know as comfortable as you feel you don't have to like first picture see in a complete nude absolutely not no um especially i would actually suggest against that yeah yeah true um you definitely slowly it's just a really cool place to like flirt yeah kind of work on the build-up i mean really the idea is to see if you have chemistry with that couple because that's really hard to do on the apps and you know through the websites but you know a little fun chat a little banter back and forth you kind of get an idea okay is this a couple i would actually be be into correct yeah i mean some couples do come aggressive with nudes right off the bat and talking super dirty right off the yeah and like can we meet tomorrow yeah i mean so you obviously have to go at your own pace and if you are new since this podcast is kind of geared towards new people I would be up front and say that if it was me.
And, like, as a more experienced couple, I would prefer that a new couple just be honest with us because we're going to, like, pace ourselves a little bit. You know, not that we come at, you know, come with full nudes out the gate, which I'm sure we probably have.
but i mean like if we know that you're new we're gonna make sure that we handle ourselves extra cautiously just to make sure we're super respectful for us anyway the ideal chat is like a flirty fun sexy chat but not overly aggressive or creepy you know i mean yeah for sure like you want them to know you're into them but you don't want to come across as like too much just like just like dating yeah i mean it's literally just like dating but in a group chat with your husband yeah i think another thing i will say is i don't like it when just one partner you know i mean like a lot of times it'll be like just the dude will do all the talking and the girl won't say anything yeah and i mean i do get that some people's like they can't talk like if you have a job where you can't have your phone and like and usually if the couple says that i'm cool with it like because like i work from home so i typically can kind of respond to messages almost instantly but like you can't because you can't have your phone at work so i typically try to say that right they usually have to start the day dan doesn't have his phone every day so just so you know he'll pop in tonight yeah yeah so if if that is your case i think kind of just saying that up front some couples can be very chatty we can be very chatty yeah some couples can you cannot hear from them for months and then they'll pop back up i mean you kind of see all things okay so once i guess once you chat and kind of you're feeling this couple out and uh well i guess maybe we should do is what if what if you chat with a couple you're like well here's the thing you and i are not very good at this like we so our advice might not be what we actually do we try really hard to keep it like like super honest here.
If we're not into a couple, a lot of times we will never, never do we say we're not into you. It just seems so mean. See, we're just not. Oh, sorry. The podcast dog is here. I think she wants you.
So we tend to just kind of let the conversation die off um and not being straightforward and honest um and saying we're not interested and that's not good i think that we should strategy i mean it's not you know instead of saying hey guys we're not really feeling this we just kind of let the conversation die yeah like we don't not respond like if someone messages us we respond so we're not we're not ghosting anybody but like the people that we're not into we're not actively messaging yeah does that you agree with that yeah you know so like they may say hey how are you and we're like hey we're good and then it just that's it and then a month later they're like hey how are you like hey we're good you know we're not rude by any means but we're not right overly you could say hey guys just you know you know we're i don't know we're not feeling you know we're not feeling it or you know we're we're not we're not looking to meet anybody right now you know just to not you could say something that's not yeah there's definitely lets them know that you're not interested Yeah, there's definitely ways to say, you know, because you could even say, hey, we're going to take a little bit of a break.
Yeah, until they see you at the hotel takeover that weekend. I know. So maybe don't lie. Maybe just be honest. I mean, let's just. Our strategy is to let it die. That's our strategy. On the vine. Just so you know.
Yeah, sorry you know yeah sorry if we let to be fair there's some conversations that have died that we just don't have haven't had a time no there's a lot of you're listening there's a lot of couples that i'll think about like a few weeks later i'm like we haven't chatted with that couple i really like them and then like too much time i mean we do have very busy schedules be careful what we say there might be couples listening they're like no but that's very true i can think of a couple of couples that we met we're just so crazy busy now that it's not really yeah i've been trying to get you to take me out on a date at this one restaurant since august it's january it's true and let alone the swinger dates um so yeah so you told him So, you told him no.
Right. You told him no. All right. So, then maybe. You want to tell him yes. The opposite is the yes. Yeah. So, once you've connected with a couple and you want to go further with them, what's the next step? Somebody always mentions it.
You're more of like a deal closer in our relationship so you are more of a deal closer in our relationship than i am so you're more likely to be like hey do y'all want to do something um that's kind of your role yeah no i think yeah i don't know why but i'm always the one that's like hey guys we're free or you know like would you like to meet up or or hey we're going to this event would you like to come with us yeah so that next step is really the meetup right and uh you know i don't know i think we talked about this a little bit on you know advice 1.0 there's several different ways you know you could meet at an event at a hotel takeover at a club um you can go out on a date one-on-one i think each one of them has their own advantages agree and uh i think we talk about that when we go over the different like clubs hotel takeovers and house party like that episode yeah so go back and listen to that one yeah i don't want to delve too deep into this because i think we have other stuff to talk about but i you know whatever the case we'll just go all right once you agree to meet a couple whatever the case may be what like what do you do like all right yeah yeah and it really like like dan says just to piggyback go back and listen to that episode because it really depends on your personal style you know like you may not be a club person that may not even be an option you may be like a total restaurant or bar or whatever so just put whatever fits to your lifestyle put that there um yeah yeah clubs and hotel takeovers and events are kind of hard because they're usually louder there's usually a lot going on so it can be harder to connect so if you're really trying to like get to know a couple for the first time you know maybe meeting them out for dinner or meeting them out for coffee might be the way to to do that i'd almost recommend it yeah we don't do that a lot anymore mostly because we don't have the time to do that but there it is fun i do enjoy that yeah i do enjoy that um so yeah so dan would typically you know obviously we're going to have a conversation before so definitely talk to your significant other before you go trying to make plans.
But Dan or one of us would be like, hey, we really are into you guys. How do you feel about maybe getting together? We're just going to say getting together and you put in there what you want. And then obviously the customer, the other couple will respond back to you and tell you, we're going to assume they say yes, right? And so now what? Now what do we do? Well, now you've got to pick a day and a location. And honestly, to us, finding a day where all our schedules match up can be challenging because a lot know, a lot of couples have kids. They have jobs.
You know, we all have, you know, baseball games with kids. There's so much going on in our life that I think that's the hardest thing for us is really setting a date on a calendar to meet with people. But, you know, so maybe don't do it when you're rushed, though.
Because the cool thing about meeting swingers is there you can sit and talk for hours it's just so fun to be around like-minded people that i would just suggest if you can not be rushed obviously if you have child care or whatever you you know you might be a little yeah but just really try to like enjoy your evening yeah uh so i recommend yeah like you said if if you really don't know a couple yet and you really want to get to know somebody, you know, going out to dinner is probably – something like that is probably the best case.
Yeah, or even just sitting at a bar, you know, like maybe – Somewhere quiet where you can talk and you can get to know each other. Yeah, you know, not too quiet, though. You don't want it to be – you know.
It makes me think of when we were with brian and sarah here recently and we were talking about the club the night before oh yeah what he was like yeah i was banging this guy's wife and the people next to us heard and the guy just died laughing yeah we got super excited about what you know we were talking about the club the night before because we were there friday and saturday night and we just we're just talking and we kind of got a little loud and and at some point somebody noticed like the couple behind us laughing or like like making faces are like oh shit we're too sorry and they're like no it's fine it was funny yeah so i mean you want it to be quiet where you can hear but you you don't want it to be like a stuffy place right you know for sure so um so yeah so plan your you know your location plan a time um ladies what do you wear that I get this question on the time everybody wants to know what you wear um if I was just going to meet a couple I would be pretty casual um depending on the location but like if we were just going to a restaurant or something like that I'd probably wear cute jeans maybe some boots a cute sweater if it's the winter time you know maybe if it was a summer maybe a sundress i mean you obviously you obviously want to be sexy right so think about if you were going on a date because that's essentially what this is like you want as a female you want the male and possibly the female if that's what you're into to be attracted to you so you want to present yourself in the best light and and that goes for males too i mean dan would probably wear jeans a button up you know some nice shoes um you don't want to like come super fancy but you want to you want to look your best you want to feel confident and good about yourself yeah and i hear a lot of swingers talk about this like take a shower brush your teeth like you know i mean like people that fortunate right that show up we've never ran into that no but i i hear it a lot that people are like yeah that like you know please shower beforehand like i wouldn't think you'd have to say things like that you know i mean but apparently there are people out there where you can tell okay so like if you are messaging someone for you know a week or two you're gonna be able to tell if they're gross and yucky right you know like maybe if you like meet someone you you start a kick and then two nights later you go out maybe you might miss that but like if you've really started chatting and developing like not a relationship because i hate to use that word but like maybe a friendship with this couple you're gonna know some of those things you're gonna know if they're icky yeah i would hope so i mean you might not have a bad breath you know but i mean like you you know you you kind of feel it out yeah okay okay so what what do you what do you talk about all right so now you're at this restaurant you got your your nice dinnerware on you sit at the table what what are what do we talk about with this couple we've never met before so we tend to tell swinger stories um obviously if you're new you're not gonna you don't have a lot but a lot of the conversation goes how did you get in the lifestyle what made you decide to do that and then even if you're brand new you have a story he mentioned it to me or my wife did it previously or however you know you tell your story and what got you to this point and it's really fun that's like i said earlier some of my favorite is that conversation learning about people you know i mean you talk about your kids you talk about you know work as much as you're comfortable with um just like you're dating a regular couple you just happen to be dating them with your husband or why yeah it's it's very it's an interesting dynamic because it is very i think it's very much like a first date it's fun because you can kind of get you get those same butterflies uh as you're getting ready for it you're like helping each other like prep like oh fix your hair or like oh no don't wear that shirt it's not sexy enough like put that shirt on and i know like must be the people that aren't in the lifestyle like all that must sound kind of crazy right like that it's fun it is fun i mean it's super it like brings back all of those memories of when like like for instance we started dating you know i mean like and it's not it's it's not a bad thing because you're doing it together you know it's it's all of how you look at it but i love that part yeah i think it is fun too uh okay so you have a conversation i will say one thing that i've had done i don't think that this wasn't me and you this is me and the ex there but uh swapping where you sit oh yeah i've done that before but not with you yeah yeah it's kind of it's kind of fun uh yeah because the waiters are like waiters yeah the waiter don't really know and like you know so like what we're talking about is instead of me sitting next to lacy i might sit next to the other wife and so you know and it gives you an opportunity to maybe like a little touching a little flirting a little you know uh and it does a lot of times it confuses the waitress or waiter it's just kind of fun.
It's just kind of fun. Yeah, it is kind of fun. It's just like, maybe if you're not at the restaurant right down the road from your house, maybe you're a tad bit away. That's fun. I've done that, and like the waiters don't know who's checked to put somebody's stuff on. They're like, what? You know, it's kind of fun. It's especially fun if you're out of town, then you can really, you can really play it up. What else?
Any other fun little swinger tricks or things that people do i've had a a wife take me to the bathroom and put like some kind of cooling lube on me like inksing me back to the table on like a first meeting that's cooling lube on you yeah it's like a like almost like a not icy hot that's a horrible reference but that's the only thing I can think of. But you know what I mean? Like a cooling, like to get – I guess she knew it was happening, you know? So I guess she wanted to, like, get me, like, going. So she's like, let's go to the bathroom. I'm like, okay. This is when you were a unicorn? Yeah.
Yeah, that's fun. But, no, I was with another guy, so we were actually completely – we were swapping them. Okay. Yeah, there's all kinds of little fun things like that that you can do. You know, a lot of times you'll get some petting or touching under the table. It's fun. Yeah, that kind of stuff. To me, all that stuff is fun. And it kind of gets things going. Now, I will say, so once you have dinner, you know, that could be it, right? That could be the end of the night right there. Yes. If you are new, maybe that's, you know, you might want to pre-commit to not doing anything.
Yeah, a lot of couples, especially that are new, have that standing agreement. They do not play on the first day. Even couples that have been in the lifestyle sometimes won't play yet.
Yeah, and they'll communicate that to to you beforehand so that way um there is no like it kind of makes you a little bit more relaxed you don't have to worry i think it gives you the opportunity so if you're not into it sometimes it's hard to tell a couple no right to be like yeah so if you say hey we don't if we don't play on the first date um it almost gives you a time to break away and then if you're interested, it's a little easier to end it than it is if there's some expectation of play on that first night. And especially if you're new.
Like, you may not know what's going through your wife's head. Like, let's say you're the husband. And, you know, you think your wife is into it, right? You know, she's kind of – but really and truly, until you break away and have a few minutes together to really have that conversation, you really, truly don't.
I mean up on like hughes from her like her body language and stuff like that or him vice versa but if you're new it's almost might be a better especially like the first few times until you really know um if you're okay with it to just have that role say you know or just say hey we're going to step to the bathroom or whatever there's other ways dan is actually even like text me before like especially in the beginning text her and say hey you know how are you feeling or what do you think of them are you into this um we've even like whispered in each other's ear kind of like looked and like some couples have code words and things that you know like if i say you don't want to know purple butterfly some of them like don't use purple butterfly that's terrible right like if you're like purple butterfly purple you're a hippopotamus everybody knows what you're saying but you could come up with a code word that's like i'm in or i'm out you know some people have elaborate code words and hand signals and we don't do all that but a simple go to the bathroom shoot a text that's pretty pretty easy yeah yeah so i mean i guess it depends on how eager how comfortable you are um you know you can choose to use that you know you don't play on the first day but let's just say you didn't you didn't um make that rule beforehand and i guess just like when we were messaging what if we're not interested what do we do uh i think so i think if you had finished up dinner or something with a couple and you weren't interested you would just you would just wrap it up right you'd be like hey that was fun guys appreciate it you know we got to get back to our kids or you know whatever the case may be you would excuse yourself for some reason correct which that's i think why it's really good not to set expectations because you yeah you know you might be talking to this couple and think that you want to fuck their brains out and then you meet them in person and it's like whoa that is not what i thought yeah um so i would very much caution new people to not commit to play time during texting because you might regret it once you meet somebody yeah with that said though we have it we have left couples and not played with them that we were super into you know so if you if you're hearing this and you're like they left i love what we're not talking about you i promise no because sometimes we like sometimes we are like dan one time planned something like the day we got home from something and we were going to end i think we watched like, sometimes we are, like, Dan one time planned something, like, the day we got home from something, and we were going to end, I think we watched, like, the Super Bowl with him, and we were there for, like, four or five hours.
We had been, like, four different places that weekend, and I was exhausted, and it had nothing to do with anybody. Right, yeah. So, yeah, sometimes that does happen, but, but, yeah, I mean, I just think wrapping it up and just being.
Yeah, now i will say um before we get on to like if you do go to play time another option is after dinner to go to a bar or somewhere where there's music to go dancing i really like that um it's one of my favorite things about like hotel takeovers and clubs is you know the conversation is great but then being able to get on on the dance floor and do a little you know little grind a little dancing a little touching uh it really gives you an opportunity to move you know to get a little sexual without maybe doing anything you know and maybe if you're driving yourself there like you're taking separate cars that could also be a good time to have a conversation with your spouse you know like hey guys would you like to go to this you know if there is some way so if you got to dinner with a couple if there is somewhere you know a bar or whatever somewhere that has live music or what you know whatever the case a club I feel like we're too old for most we're not too old for sure close over told for normal clubs but you know I don't in Nashville certainly there's plenty of places to go dancing and things like that that is a good in between like I agree all right so say you do that right Thanks, guys.
That is a good in-between to spend time with a couple. I agree. I agree. All right. So say you do that, right? So you talked to a couple. You liked them. You went and found a bar with some live music. You got dancing and grinding. You're feeling it. You are hot and heavy. You want to play. Yeah. How do you do that?
I get this question all the time on snapchat they're like um now what so well first of all you need to decide where are you going to play and this you honestly should probably pre-plan with your spouse though not with the couple because what if you get there and they're stinky mcstinkerson you know i mean let's just be real so between you and your spouse you should kind of have a plan going into it so there's a few places you could host at your home you could go to the other couple's home or you could go to a hotel um all has their advantages all has their disadvantages um yeah i think for me my the hotel room is my favorite me too because if at any time you need to leave you can leave you know um you can get out the door um if they're at your house you're kicking someone out you know inviting somebody into your home especially somebody you don't know there's so many other things that could happen like you know family could show up or you know like they could know where you live and they're crazy yeah your dog shits on the floor or you know like there's just so many like other variables yeah and if you don't like them now they've been to your house and i feel the same way if a couple invites you back to their house like you get back to their house and all of a sudden their kids are there.
Yeah. Or, you know, like, you're walking into a situation that you didn't know you were walking into. So we don't bring anyone to our house. And it's, you know, honestly, we never really planned it that way. It just kind of worked out that way. And then it was like, oh, well, that's probably smart.
It just kind of feel like it's our home however we've been to tons of swinger things at people's houses and honestly they're my favorite so even though we don't bring people to our home i'm grateful for the people that do bring them to theirs you know i mean like i don't i don't pass judgment um at all i'm grateful for it's like, we just don't want to have our house all clean and perfect. Yeah, well, we don't have time to clean our house. And there is the kid thing that, you know. Yeah, and our dogs. Yeah, like, yeah. It's just a lot to our house that isn't ideal to a sexy night.
Yeah, other than we have a hot tub. Right. That's true.
Okay, so let's just say we're going to hotel we're just going to pick one because but really and truly it doesn't matter so typically i again i am definitely more passive when it comes to these situations i'm not super i like i'm not one to make a first move that's just kind of my style and that way i was that way when i was single and that way now dan would probably be the one to say hey guys are y'all interested in grabbing a hotel room or going back to our house or however you know most likely we've already you know because a lot of times what we'll do you know we've probably traveled to another city we have a hotel room for the night so you know the question be like hey guys would you like to come back to us to our we you know we have a hotel room down the street or down the you know five minutes but you can apply whatever situation you have right it could be yeah would you like to come back to our house or you know whatever the case or you could just be honest and say we would like to continue this but we cannot host um we have kids at the house or you know whatever the situation or we live an hour away or whatever so you know just definitely be honest um the cool thing is you can pretty much book a hotel room like in two seconds from your phone and it's not uncomfortable or awkward um so yeah so i mean honestly you just kind of have to shoot your shot yeah somebody has to like put it out there right and i've noticed that a lot is i think you know even the couples that we wanted to play with and it didn't end up happening i think it's just a lot of times it's because nobody made that made that leap never nobody made a move like you'll talk to them two or three days later and be like oh man i really wanted that you know like we really wanted to play with you guys you're like we want to play with you guys too it's like oh man like yeah why didn't we do that you know and we still do that like to this day i mean all the time jersey couple jersey couple yes we're about to we're about to fix that about the remedy that situation yeah so um so yeah so i mean it just and i think you know your spouse you can kind of talk and maybe kind of decide who's going to do that um beforehand if that's something you're interested or you could just kind of see how the night goes not everything has to be super planned out but you do also need to be on the same page as much as possible yeah and i think it's this is why it's it's very i think it's why it's common for to have the conversation about what your rules and boundaries are during like dinner or during because everybody kind of want you want to know that knowledge if it does lead to to going back to a hotel room or going back to somebody's house because you know like in that transition in that heat of the moment you might not always have time to have those conversations a lot of times you've had a few drinks you know beers wine whatever so and like you're all hot and heavy and it's kind of you don't want to stop and be like wait what are your rules so like all of those conversations should have been had like on the kit group or even at dinner if you haven't.
Like, all of that should have been done prior to where we are now. Ideally, yeah. Yeah. And then – Sorry. Yeah, go ahead.
I found when we haven't done those things, and if you can go back and listen to a few of our podcasts, when we haven't done those things, I feel like the night ends up being a shit show because we didn't stop and communicate yeah and i think most of the time that happens is because it's we you know we're at an event we meet a couple we haven't had the conversations we didn't go to them you know it's just kind of a random thing that happens and then you you don't always stop to take the time to to have those conversations and they are super i cannot you know say enough how important it is to understand where the other couple is at what they're comfortable with what they want to do what they don't want to do you know yeah because we've been like literally naked and then people are like oh we're only soft swap and we're like oh okay you know i mean like and you should have those conversations should have We are we are smarter than that yeah yeah we should have done that but we mess up so to this day yeah or you know somebody's got a toy and trying to put it in your ass you know i mean and it's like whoa yes that's true you know again like you don't want to be that's a weird situation an awkward situation um have the conversation ahead of time i think yeah super important it's kind of weird to have the conversations but it's weirder somebody start trying to do something to you that you're absolutely not comfortable with so and if anything the lifestyle has taught me just to say the things like i've always been like again like kind of whatever, you know, I mean, just kind of go with the flow type of person.
And this has made me learn that I have a voice and that I can speak up and I can say what I want and what I don't want and what I'm comfortable with and what I'm not comfortable with. And I mean, I still to this day, sometimes struggle with it, but I definitely have came a long way. Yeah.
I think it's important for new couples to know that it's okay to to speak up it's okay to you know say i'm not you know okay with that i'm not comfortable with that you know we don't do this we don't do we don't kiss and if a couple doesn't respect that they're not your couple right you don't they're not there's plenty of couples out there right definitely 100 okay so we've we've chatted what'd you say what did you say um would you guys know would you like to head back to uh why you sound so scared would you like to come to our i don't sound scared this is very confident no you did not sound confident you put me on the spot that wasn't quite ready i was trying to like i didn't i'm trying to get like a sexy voice going it was you laughing at me?
I was like, so you guys want to come back? So, baby. There we go. Hey, guys. There is my husband. Hey, guys. Would you like to – we actually have a hotel, like, just a couple minutes down the road. Would you like to come back with us? Yeah. Yeah, we would, actually. Thank you for inviting. It's got a hot tub.
It's got a jet tub jet yeah um it's a sweet jetted tub you those jetted tubs are never big enough for four people though out of personal experience you know it's like the uh the honeymoon suite it's that's a two-person uh tub i promise you we've never done that so who are you doing that with long story oh yeah okay so you've asked the couple you've made that transition and they're like yeah so let's say you grab your uber and you go right this is always the awkward part it is because now you get back to the hotel room and everybody knows you want to fuck like that's everybody like they wouldn't have came back there if they didn't want to fuck but now it's like how like do we just go at it this is why i love my husband this is part of the reason why i married you even though sometimes you don't like this is why you married me because i know how to fuck other couples no no okay that's what you said that's what you said did i say well i mean basically this is okay this is not why i married you i married you because you're human and i love you but i love that you always get things started yeah you're like i'm just here to fuck somebody you know in the most respectful way in the most respectful way so it doesn't matter if it's just one couple there or six couples dan will just whip out his dick yeah well so what all right so there's a few ways to get things started what i my typical move is one whip out your dick whip out my dick but i'll just start playing with lacy yes because i know like right that's i can play with lacy because she's comfortable and generally speaking if i start playing with lacy the other couple will start playing each other.
Everybody gets naked and then then people start swapping and switching and doing all that stuff. So he'll start making out with me or he'll like pull out my boobs or like again, start touching on her, you know, whatever, pull her pants down, you know, whatever the case may be, but initiate that way. Yes. And that typically gets everything started. Now, Lacey thinks I've done it too soon.
Sometimes you you've done it too soon a lot of times and i'm like read the room dan read the room like he'll whip out his dick and everybody's like not even feeling it and they're like completely like what's happening i'm like put your dick up put your dick up i don't know i mean it's happened it's probably happened so yeah so i definitely would say um start with your partner with your partner and to be honest with you if this is really your first time you do not have to full swap you don't i mean even if that's what you want to do eventually you don't have to do that we've met couples that have just had sex on their each individual beds with the other people watching as to start or done soft swap or maybe just girl on girl play i mean there's lots of different options that are very very hot so just know that just because you you've checked the box you're swinger you've made a profile you've met a couple you went out with them you're going back you don't have to full swap right and again during that during that dinner conversation have a conversation with them about what like hey we're new you know we maybe we'd like to start out by playing in the same room with another couple you know like we're just trying to feel our way out you know feel figure out what we're comfortable with uh you know we've said it a hundred times on on on our tiktok lives and stuff that like it is better to go slow than to jump in and go too far and have a bad experience yeah because you can't once you do things there's no taking it back like there's no like undoing it you know i mean like you did that and if if especially if one of the partners is shy or hesitant or not sure if you push them too far and cause them to have a bad experience because of that you might have just ruined swinging for that person for a long time yeah but because that's it's a hard thing to bounce back from yeah um so you're i think you're much better off playing down to whoever the least comfortable person is going at a pace that they're comfortable with and really taking your time and i think from my experience what you'll see is often they will realize it's not as big a deal as they thought like all their all you know they were worried they were nervous they were you know you can fuck someone and still love your spouse right so if you go slow you know often they'll be like oh wow like that wasn't that was awesome that was fun like i want to do more whereas if you push and pry you know and kind of force them into a situation they're not comfortable with you could ruin the lifestyle correct correct um now i will say it's probably worth mentioning some other styles and then whipping your dick out um to start to start play i know a lot of couples will do like games you know yeah icebreakers um for our play should we talk about that yeah yeah there are friends bella and jace they have another podcast um on yeah it's for our plate that the number four and then oh you are play and and they have a website and it's i think it's for our play.com yeah um and they they have a like a digital card game um that you can play i actually think uh is that that couple next door just launched one too oh cool uh so there's a few games out there that are like meant specifically for swingers to kind of help you transition from this we're all in a room and we know we want to fuck but we don't really know yeah how to get it started cards against humanity is a good one that's a lot of swingers play strip poker you know all these silly little card games that just kind of start breaking the ice and getting people comfortable with some stuff yeah uh those swinger card games are definitely good because they're very swinger you know it could be like kiss the person to your left or you know like suck on a nipple you know so it really kind of you know and i know bella and jace's i've looked we we have their game um they gave it to us um you know they have like different decks you know i mean so like there's like a red deck or i mean i don't know what i think it's red is what it's called but you know so different comfort levels more pg and some of them are more x-rated so you can kind of pick a card deck you're comfortable with if that's something you want to do yeah that's that's a good idea that's much better than whipping your dick out is it i mean i think it depends on the crowd but yeah depends on the crowd yeah like at this stage in our in our swinging career i don't know if you call it career you always say career swinging career like i think whipping your dick out is an appropriate response but if you're brand new probably a game to be fair we don't play with brand new couples fair too often it's happened a few times over the last year or two but not very often now we'll say if you are new just own it um don't try to pretend like you're experience if you are new just say hey guys we are super into this and we really want to be swingers and want to enjoy this lifestyle but we are brand new and learning and I think you'll have a better response I know some swingers don't like playing with new couples and that's fine there's plenty of swingers out there that do so um I just would rather see you be open and honest and the couple that you're choosing to play with for the first time be respectful of that then then you kind of misleading yeah i agree and um i would you know with the the whole new thing um i think i don't remember what i was just gonna say i don't know i love new couples uh no yeah okay so what you were saying about that some couples there definitely are couples out there that will not play with with new couples and i think the reason for that is sometimes new couples can be drama because they don't know what they want well they're just learning they're not sure what they're comfortable with and yeah so there is that stigma i think with us the new couples that we've experienced they've been open and honest with us and told us about it yeah it was great because we were able to go at their pace and be aware that they were new you know well we obviously we're sitting here giving tips on how to be swingers so we love kind of helping swingers get into the lifestyle and kind of navigate that so that's kind of like our thing so maybe that's why i'm i love the energy that we get from new couples they're just happy to be there they're like a kid on christmas you know like that like you know when you've experienced you know or i can think of like when my kids were little like toddlers you know i mean and the first time you see like the first time they walk or the first time they experience you know like blowing bubbles or like yeah let's put maybe blowing bubbles i don't know being a swinger is equal to your children's first steps babe but you know no i'm saying like seeing the child do it and then be like whoa like yeah no i understand i'm just giving you shit like that you know i feel like that's what swingers are a lot of times the first time they're like oh my god yeah it was fucking like oh holy you know like yeah we're couples that have been doing it for a while.
I was like, that's a Wednesday night. That was good. Yeah. I think one of our podcasts, you said a vanilla threesome or something like that. Oh, it's just a normal threesome. Just a normal one. Like a vanilla threesome. Yeah. Definitely. I feed off the energy of new couples and I love, I love seeing them be like a kid in the candy shop. I love being part of that. So find a couple that is going to help you and not hinder you. And I think if you just keep looking, I think it's worth like maybe taking an extra few days or a week or two to find the right couple opposed to just jumping in with one.
I think, yeah. Couples that are new, sometimes there's just this experience like we have to do this. Like, okay, we decided to do it. Rip a Band-Aid off. Like, just let's do it, you know. But I would say, yeah, be patient. Find the right couple and your experience will be a lot better. All right. So we're having sex. So now there's a lot of questions we get about.
I get this all the time what do you get on what happens if one of your partner or like your partner finishes early and you're not finished or vice versa or like i'm assuming they mean orgasm yeah like so let's say the guy you're with the spouse and like let's say me and the husband the husband finishes but you're still going what do we do oh my god what do we do i get this all the time it cracks me up and you know what i say cheer him on well i think there you know there's ways to keep playing even if you finish you know i mean like there's you can yeah i mean like or you can just yeah just walk i mean i know there's been several times where like if i finish with the other girl and you're still playing with a guy or a few guys you know whatever the case may be give me some water you go take me a little break and i'll go you know sit on the couch and you know yeah i know i mean just chat with the other people in the room what you make it like if you make it awkward like feel like oh well when when you're finished is it awkward like just like when everybody no i mean like you're not 18 and this is not the first time you fuck someone like it's awkward if you make it awkward but if we're all adults i mean we've got i'm gonna go to the kitchen get a snack like i'll be back like you know i mean like yeah no i mean like it's all in what you make it i love watching dan so if i was finished and dan wasn't i would absolutely just kind of like lay back you know we don't do a ton of cuddling but like that's kind of like a probably an exception like maybe if you're finished and you're just kind of laying there watching that could be some fun like just you know maybe the light know, after you finish watching or again, I mean, like Dan could probably even call me over to join while the husband cleans himself up or what, you know, whatever the case may be.
And there's lots of different options. It's just however you choose to handle it. I just wouldn't stop and make it awkward. Like that's correct. Do not do that.
Any of the other options are perfectly options are perfectly acceptable whether yeah like you said if if the husband goes and cleans himself up and you come and join me and the other girl if you guys go get water and sit back and walk you know i mean some husbands like let them go to the bathroom and get a sip of water they're ready for round two yeah so don't discredit anybody where like some other some guys are just like one and done and that's fine but they last for a long time so it it's it's not awkward people it's just sex yeah i think we get in our own heads and make it seem like you know i mean we get all yeah worried about all these little details no no i get it anxiety and think about it a lot but honestly just just go with the flow just go whatever feels natural and whatever's fun just just go with it okay so everyone's came I'll see you next time.
I get it. Anxiety and think about it a lot. But honestly, just go with the flow. Just go whatever feels natural and whatever's fun. Just go with it. Okay. So everyone's came. That doesn't happen very often. Well, true. That is probably worth talking about. Yeah, it is. You don't typically. It's probably 50-50. Right. So, you know, we've talked about this before and I don't mind talking about it. Like I usually take Viag Viagra when we're in a swinger situation, and it can be harder for me to finish with Viagra for whatever reason. I actually like it when you don't finish. That's me. I get it.
You want me to finish with you because you like that. I like us going back and having sex after. There was something about that reclaiming that I love, and I do like it when you come with me. It's just hot. But I'll see you next time.
going back and having sex after there was something about that reclaiming that i love and i do like it like if you when you come with me it's just hot but also it's okay if you don't like it's not but if i like had if you asked me a preference i do like it for you to come because you are 50 50 on whether i orgasm during a swing because you are one of those guys that really just come one time like you could come that morning and then that night but some guys will come like three and four times in a row and you're not that guy yeah so i know if you come the night's kind of done kind of done yeah but we still will probably have sex though we usually do yeah you're right i'm usually am one and done but like if we have a swinger thing when i finish with the other girl or whatever you'll still fuck me usually by the end of the night we're fucking again yeah but you don't usually come no but i just need to make you come just to have that yeah yeah i don't we got off on a tangent we did a little bit but no i think it is important to realize you know especially if you're not comfortable you know like new people or whatever they can't like i don't know when there's a bunch of people in the room and it's not the spouse you're used to, it can be harder to finish an orgasm.
So it's okay if they don't. Right. And that's my point is if, you know, I think there are some girls and probably some guys even that think, like, they didn't do a good job if the other person doesn't come. I kind of feel that way sometimes.
Right it's like probably a natural thing to happen but i will say that is normal that happens often not just with me but with a lot of the couple other couples we play with yeah i won't finish or sometimes the girls well and like we've had it where i could come very easy like it doesn't take much for me to come and then like but some girls some girls it's very hard for them too and then you got me over there just coming and shaking and orgasming yeah and then they're you know so definitely you have to be mindful of that but it's yeah my only point is it's okay right like whatever happens like people again caught up in it.
Some people will like be like, we're not leaving this room until I get you to come. And that doesn't help. You know what I mean? No, the pressure. Oh, gosh. No, thank you. Just, you know. I'd be faking it and it'd harm me. Just have fun. And then if everybody's done, everybody's done it. I don't think it really matters. Again, don't, you know, people get caught up in all that little stuff, I think. Yeah. So let's just say the time is, it's over. Whatever has happened has happened.
And it's time to wrap it up like well we've already wrapped it up but you know what i mean it's time it's time for somebody to leave or for everyone to leave um i would say don't hang around a ton i mean obviously you don't have to hit it and hit the door i mean again typically for us it's you're talking it's now one two o'clock in the morning we're exhausted everybody's tired and we're just ready to you know like when everybody's finished we're like all right guys that was awesome we had a good time well we'll you know we'll see you next time that's that's basically how we do now sometimes we will lay around and yeah it depends on the comfort level but especially some of the couples we've been around you know we might i might you know the girl might hang out with me and the guy might hang out with you and like you said light petting and stuff like that it's not like an intimate cuddling it's just more of a like we're all done and tired and this is just kind of fun to hang out here for a minute uh naked you know with not your partner you know yeah um so that's that's normal if you're okay with that but if you're not just just get up and get dressed and clean yourself up and say thank you guys we had a great night and no we'll we'll talk to you again yeah yeah we're typically as soon as we're done we're done like at that point it's yeah like you said it's one or two o'clock in the morning i need a drink i need a shower i need a bed i'm i'm over it so yeah we tend to now it could be you know if you're at a weekend getaway with a couple or something you know you just go to bed it might be but now it's lunchtime or now let's go to the lake or now let's you know but this is our first but typically for most of the things we do it's the end of the night it's early in the morning at this point and it's just time to get dressed get cleaned up and say goodbye yeah so i love it is it awkward after though it's awkward if you make it awkward just like like when someone comes and the other one's still going i'm guessing most everybody that's listening to this podcast is 30s and up i'm sure we have a few 20s maybe i don't know but like we're all grown-ups we've all had intercourse so like just clean yourself up be kind be gracious and give my hug and a kiss and say uh thanks for the thanks for the good we're exhausted yeah um i love a good follow-up text or kick message or whatever app you're using to message i think that's so classy you mean immediately after or the?
It doesn't matter. Like if it's 2 o'clock in the morning and we're driving an hour home. And you're driving and I'm sitting there. Maybe I'll send it, you know. But now if we're just going to the room next door. Because we've got two separate hotel rooms and we're staying the night.
Maybe the next morning I'll send a text and just say, hey, we had a wonderful you can't wait to do it again i think that goes a long way like me as like a person when i see that the next day i'm like oh we did a good job or even you know some couples would be like well text us when you get home so we know you made it safe yeah that's that's a good one that's a good move uh you know uh you know they're probably sleeping once they leave like send a message and say hey guys like we had a great time really enjoyed you you know shoot us a message when you get home and let us know you made it i mean it's essentially just like dating yeah yeah what would you do if you had just hooked up with some guy or some girl you would hopefully treat this couple the way that you would treat that person same The same kind of concept.
Yeah, I agree. I agree. And that's it. That's it. We typically play with couples multiple times. If we have a good experience. How many couples can you tell me that we have only played one time? I don't even know. Very few probably. Okay, so there we go. You're right.
You right you're right yeah it is funny to say that because it's we're definitely not like a dating poly type of of couple but i think you know once you find a good couple that you have a intimacy with and you connect with we're all about them yeah it's just that's a lot of work to find that so you don't i don't know for me i don't want to let that go i'm not into dating a couple like every friday night let's go out and then we're fucking and then i'm not into that i definitely like to change it up but if i like a couple i'm down with seeing them a few times a year if possible you know um we do have friends that really intermingle their friends with their lifestyle people and i mean i don't know what's the right what's the wrong way i don't know um i think there's advantages to both yeah i think so too yeah i think so too so you know once you're finished with the night whatever you choose to do i mean if you want to stay in contact with that couple and continue you know and do it again i mean obvious that's just depends on your boundaries and how you feel you know some couples don't like getting close to couples yeah just want to do a one and done kind of thing yeah i mean i get that so so yeah so that's pretty much how we we see nights going again that's totally our opinion and well it's really our style of play too i mean there's some couples that you know completely just bring a dude in for the night and fucking go you know i mean yeah yeah totally different than that yeah like we're definitely as like a full swap same room same room couple repeated yeah he did uh yeah where there's so many styles hot wife where they bring in single guys or you know you could bring in a unicorn i mean there's just so many different options so this may not even be your option may be something that you want to do but yeah that's what we know so that's what we give advice on so i hope that helps i hope that helps for the couples out there that are at least looking for the same style of play that me and lacy are into i think we touched real quick quick on on secrets so uh this is thursday and so next not this weekend but next weekend the 14th through the 17th we'll be at secrets hideaway resort and what i'm being told is kiss me florida okay so listen you draw me nuts it's called kiss me all right we're gonna we're gonna square that away when we get there it's kiss me no it's not okay but we get there.
It's Kissimmee. No, it's not. Okay, but. Okay, to you it is. It's Kissimmee. Okay. Florida, whatever. All the Florida people are rooting for me right now. No. I just want you to know that. We need to know. They're out there yelling at their radios. Okay, so you say it and then I'll say it. You say it first. Kissimmee. Kissimmee. Okay, so is Dan right or is Lacey right?
Let us please snapchat us tiktok us instagram all the things email facebook i mean send a pigeon somehow get it to us who is tell lacy she's wrong no all right so anyway with with secrets we're raising money for help now which is a um women's shelter um where women and children are that are victims of domestic violence can go and to have a safe place to stay until they can get back on their feet. Um, and so we have a bunch of giveaways. We're going to be raffling off, um, a bunch of gift baskets. We have a thousand dollar free stay at secrets resort that came from Frederick and Barbie.
Frederick and Barbie also donated, uh, I think i think like a 400 gift basket of of things from their gift shop uh sex toys and things like that um we are going to give away a swing nation gift basket that's going to have some swing nation custom tumblers a one year subscription to my only fans a free one year subscription to lacy's only fans um and some t-shirts i think we're gonna throw And maybe a flag, a Swingers flag. Yeah, and then we also have an SDC bag that has all of their merch, all their swag, and it also has a lifetime membership to SDC.
Yeah, so that's another $250 value just for that. And so there's also, there's a ton of Swing Talk creators, and they've all also worked on other raffles, too. I think we have some stuff from Cassidy, some stuff from 3Fun app. So, definitely a lot of good raffles. So, if you're going to be in that area, if you don't have reservations, you can always come on a day pass. We'd love to see you. We'd love to meet you. We're going to have a room crawl. So, everyone can come in our room and get to meet us and get to know us.
we have away some we got some cool swag to give out um so yeah so we're super excited about it can't wait so that's the 14th through 17th you can go to the swing nation.net uh into the events tab in the menu there you'll find all the information you need to know about that please come out um we're gonna be having a bunch of fun stuff going on um we're gonna be making tiktoks you know uh maybe we'll make some tiktoks with some people in the club or something maybe you can be in our tiktok if you so desire um so um come on out we we look forward to seeing as as many of you as yeah we're excited this is kind of like our last big hurrah for before lacy gets her surgery surgery.
Yeah. So, yeah, we look forward to that. What else? Any other updates you want to give the Swing Nation before we sign off on this episode? I think that's it. Yeah, so that was Beginner Guide 2.0. So I hope that helps answer some of the questions. Again, that's kind of how we roll here is you guys ask us questions on all our social media platforms, and we come on here and try to answer them the best we can. So we hope we helped with that. And if we left anything off or if there's another avenue you want us to take, just message me. Yeah. We can do a three-point at some point.
Yeah, we'll definitely keep those notes and turn them into just podcasts. Yeah. All right. Anything else, babe? That's it. All right. You did a good job. Good job explaining people about how to be a swimmer. You did good. Thanks, ma'am. All right. So with that, folks, in a world full of apples. Be a pineapple. Be the pineapple, guys. Bye. Bye. If you've enjoyed our podcast and want to support us, leave a five-star review wherever you're listening. If you want to see more of our content, you can find links to Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, OnlyFans, and more in the show notes.
Come join the conversation with us and other Swinger content creators on our Swinger Society Discord server. If you have questions or feedback, email them to us at theswingnation at gmail.com. Make sure you head on over to theswingnation.net and keep up to date on all things Swing Nation. We thank you so much for joining us and we'll see you next time. Goodbye.
