Send us Fan MailLifestyle Education: Taking one for the Team | Episode 75In this swinger podcast episode, Dan and Lacy discuss the practice in the lifestyle known as taking one for the team. Listen to Dan and Lacy discuss in depth what exactly that term means and how common of a practice is this in the lifestyle. They share the nuances you should consider with your partner around this practice when developing your rules and boundaries, as well as some possible work arounds. We get into all this and more on this episode of The Swing Nation Podcast._______________- The Swing Nation - Main Website Quick Navigation Website: -- (Find all our social media links more!) Follow us on Facebook! The Podcast Website_______________ - Swinger Society - Our Website to meet, connect events Swinger Society Discord Our Facebook Group_______________ - Swinger Websites - SDCUsername: TheSwingNation** Use code 36313 for 14 days free! ** SLSUsername: NorthernGuynSouthernGirl_______________ - Merch More - The Swing Nation Merch The Swinger Pride Flags Swinger Society Merch_______________ - Lacy’s Fun Links - VIP OnlyFans PREMIUM OnlyFans _______________ -- THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS -- Shameless Care: ED Medication and at home STD testingUse Code TSN at checkout for $30 off your order! Promescent® Make Love Longer, It’s Time for Great SexUse Code SwingNation for 5% off! Pinaq Liqueur; The Official Drink of The Swing NationUse Code TSN at checkout for 15% off! Non-monogamy Couples Course and Single Guy Mastery CourseUse Code ATLANTA for 50% off!Support the show- Thank you for the support! -
Transcript
This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18, it contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice. Welcome to the Swing Nation podcast, a podcast by swingers for swingers, where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle.
Come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe, interview the experts, learn and grow together. Join the nation. Lacey, we get approached by couples all the time and they want to know, like, where can they learn the one-on-ones of non-monogamy? Yeah, I totally get it. You want to get in the lifestyle, but you just don't know where to start. We recommend Sex by Sue's class on non-monogamy.
i totally get it you want to get in the lifestyle but you just don't know where to start we recommend sex by sue's class on non-monogamy she really helps couples learn how to communicate and do the lifestyle the correct way yeah i think this lifestyle you know it's crucial not to to step on the landmines that a lot of us do yeah and you kind of learn the hard way you know so having a class can take online, you know, in the privacy of your own home and kind of learn the ins and outs, learn, you know, how to approach the lifestyle, how to communicate with your partner about it.
You know, I think it's something worth taking and we highly recommend it. Yeah. So click below in the show notes. You'll find this link for that course. Check it out, guys. Bye. Most people have unprotected oral sex, right? Be honest. Now think about your last STD test. Did your doctor tickle your throat with something that looked like a giant Q-tip? Probably not. Yet that's the only way to check for oral gonorrhea or chlamydia, which are often asymptomatic. You need a better doctor. You need shamelesscare.com. Use coupon code TSN at checkout.
So Lacey, people are asking, how do they get to go to a party or an event with us? They check out swingersociety.net. You create a profile, you sign up for an event, and you come hang out with us. Super easy.
That that's right if you want to party with us and the other faces and names that you know from social media and tiktok head on over to swingersociety.net can't wait to see you there hey there pineapple people and welcome to the swing nation podcast we are your host northern guy and southern girl in today's episode we're going to talk all about taking one for the team we are this is uh this is a subject that comes up often in the lifestyle it does it comes up often on tiktok lives yeah but i think i think this is a real thing in the lifestyle like take tiktok away i think like just as a normal everyday couple that's a swinger um taking one for the team is a hot button issue right and uh so we're going to dive into that a little bit because i don't think it's necessarily as simple as a yes or no like do you take one for the team yes or no agreed because when people ask you on tiktok and other places if you take one for the team what's your what's your general response to that question um typically i say that if i'm not into the husband or you're not into the wife of a couple we would either one one, not play with them or two, find some sort of setting like a group, like a group orgy or something where I could be with one part and you could be with the other and it doesn't make things awkward for anyone.
Like no one's left out and we can still both get to play with those people and have a great time. So that would be my response to that. But I do also think I sometimes take one for the team. Yeah. But I don't think that's a bad thing. Right. Like I've heard other creators and other people talk about it. And like prior to being so public, I would have absolutely said, no, I never take one for the team. But the truth of it is nothing is ever going to be evenly matched across the board. There's just no way that we're not the same person.
So I think there's always going to be one party that's more into a partner. Right. So we're going to dive into that and kind of get into some of the details of that.
So you can kind of understand what what Lacey's saying there is like she's saying it's actually kind of normal to take one for the team in some in some way shape or form yeah i think it has like a negative stigma around it but if you really break it down which hopefully we will do that in this episode but um if you break it down i don't necessarily think it's always bad i agree i agree you know we're gonna get into it all right so i think the place to start is the place we start with a lot of these these type of uh episodes is We'll see you next time.
think it's always bad i agree i agree you know we're gonna get into it all right so i think the place to start is the place we start with a lot of these these type of episodes is well before we can even really talk about taking one for the team and how that works um what what does that even mean all right so again lacy this is another dan's done some research lacy's coming in cold so if i was going to say to you what is what is taking define taking one for the team for me what does that mean well i'm gonna i'm sure you probably have like the webster's dictionary but i'm gonna do it as far as swinging and to me that is when someone is not attracted to someone and they play with that partner so that their husband or wife can play with the other partner right so it's generally speaking it's you know if I was attracted we met a couple and I was super attracted to the chick and you weren't really attracted to the dude but you kind of knew I was super attracted to the chick so you you agreed to play kind of went along with it anyway right so it's kind of you know and I think it's very I think it's important to say consent is key right so Oh, for sure.
Generally, I don't know. to play kind of went along with it anyway right so it's kind of you know and i think it's very i think it's important to say consent is key right so like oh for sure generally when somebody takes one for the team they are consenting yeah it's not it's not forced it's not their partner manipulated them into it it's not you know it's just kind of you know hey i'm not super into this but i'm gonna do it anyway we're here partner to we're having fun. We've gotten dressed up. Why not? You know? Right. It sounds so terrible, but, I mean, it happens every day. Right. Okay.
So, that's Lacey's definition. All right. So, I got a few definitions for you, and you're going to see kind of some of the differences here.
But the first one is, and this is, I think, where this taking one for the team, kind of where this saying comes from right it's when a player sacrifices their body in benefit to benefit a sports team right so i mean you can kind of apply that just i've sacrificed my body for you babe right so you know this could be soccer this could be football this could be a lot of sports where essentially you're like man to win this game i have to make this tackle i have to make this hit and it's probably it might knock me out of the game but for overall so that we win this game i'm going to take one for the team and really take this hit here um just to benefit my team as a whole and i think that's kind of where this idea of taking warp for the team is going to come from i think that name in itself has like such negative stigma around it but really and truly if, if you break it down, it's not that bad.
Well, I think if you look at it, you know, when that does happen in sports, it's like that's the hero of the game. You sacrifice your body to get that rebound or to stop that shot or whatever. And, you know, if it wasn't for you, we wouldn't have won the game, you know what I mean? So it's almost a heroic act kind of in that sense. Not so much in swing.
Not so much in swing not so much could you imagine like if i was not super into the guy and we leave and you're like you are the hero you did that for me i mean that might be how i felt at that if uh you took one for the team i might be celebrating you at the end i mean probably i would right i don't know all right so the second definition okay so that's this is the kind of the sports analogy and that's from wiktionary.org. All right.
But then Cambridge comes in cambridge.org and they say to agree to do something unpleasant that you really don't want to do or to have something done to you that you don't want to do in order to help, um, or be kind to other people in a group. I think that's definitely more spot on. Right.
That's more, that that's more the i think the general understanding today of what taking one for the team right so doing something unpleasant or having something unpleasant happen to you in order to benefit a group of people yeah um that's kind of the general i mean i don't like that if you're applying that to swingers i don't like the unpleasant because like sex is great regardless You, like if I'm a hundred percent into somebody, but if I'm like, it's, it's probably always going to be amazing. But if I'm like 70% into somebody versus 80% into somebody, like it's still going to be great.
It's still sex. I'm still going to come, you know, it's going to be hot and fun.
So I think what you're saying is even if you might not be super excited about the person is probably still still gonna be a pleasant experience oh for sure i wouldn't i personally would not put myself in a position for an unpleasant for an unpleasant although i you know if we look back there's been a few unpleasant yeah but like i think i've we've ended them right yeah i think that's the key is if it gets to if anybody ever becomes uncomfortable or it becomes unpleasant for somebody that that's when you pull the ripcord and you get out of that situation.
Yeah, and we can talk about a couple of times that that's happened to us. I mean, I know we've told the whole stories on the podcast, but we could give a quick little clip of that if we have time. Yeah, sure. Maybe we'll get into that here in a minute. All right, and then here's the third definition, and this is from Urban Dictionary. And this is kind of funny, right? So it's an act where one brave soul in your group of male friends hits on the naughty of the group of hotties so that his friends can get their slide on later. I mean. This is Urban Dictionary.
Which Urban Dictionary, some of their Yeah, it's great, yeah. So it's essentially saying the person in the group of friends who takes the not attractive person. Somebody flirts with the, yeah. Right, yeah. Well, again, it's probably still not an unpleasant experience. Hey, you know, sometimes those naughties are the best pleasure givers out there.
Yeah, I uh that that is kind of the you know well urban dictionary urban dictionary kind of like pushes the line yeah it's kind of meant to be funny i mean i still think there's some truth in that i mean not that you you take the naughty i don't like that part i mean but i mean there is some truth you don't like referring to a naughty in a group of parties no no that sounds terrible no but there's always gonna i mean you found in couples there's always going to be somebody that's more attracted to the other and that doesn't mean they're a naughty when you say a naughty it's n-o-t-t-i-e right so i think it's like not haughty yeah it's kind of like they're referring to not is not naughty as in like like naughty girl yeah no naughty as in not hot yeah right yeah yeah that's what they're referring to which is mean that is kind of me don't be that but that's i mean i get that's that's kind of the yeah i mean i understand yeah all right so moving on so you know we kind of hit on this a little bit but there's a lot of couples out there who say i would never we would we would never take one for the team.
We never take one for a team. We don't do that. Is that, is that, do you think that's true? I don't think that's possible. What do you mean it's not possible? Because like we've had a lot of experiences. We don't even know how many, let's just be honest. We've had a lot of experiences. I have them all counted in. They're in my dictionary or in my notebook.
Yeah okay we need i need to look at that notebook man but um no couple is equally matched i mean maybe i can count on a hand i mean like and that's not saying that someone is unattractive i'm just saying when you meet a couple nine times out of ten one of the parties is super good looking and the other is just abnormal you know i don't even like saying average i just mean like your everyday person you know not super great looking but also not unattractive right so i think saying that you never take one for the team it's impossible, I mean, there's just no way. Right.
There's always one partner in a, in a, especially in a couple for couples. Yeah.
Cause I was thinking like a lot of people that don't couple swap do that for this reason, because it's hard to find a four way connection where you're into the person, you know, you vibe you have great conversation their sexual chemistry that's hard to to do that so a lot of people not a lot but there are lots of couples that swing separately for that very reason yeah and we've also you know we've talked a lot about unicorns and single females and how hard that is to find but you'll hear a couple's reference that finding another couple that equally matches you and your couple that you're equally attracted to that that's kind of also another unicorn i agree in the lifestyle that type of um situation is is very hard to to come by and to establish no i agree but just because someone is like maybe an eight instead of a ten doesn't mean that i'm i'm still gonna have a fucking blast with them you know i mean that just sound like saying i never take one for the team it just sounds it sounds too good to be true like so do they only swap once or twice a year because right or do they have like their perfect couple maybe that you know maybe they've found that you have a perfect couple why don't just go be poly with them i mean like well if we found their perfect couple?
Maybe they've found that couple. But if you have a perfect couple, why don't you just go be poly with them? I mean, like. Well, if we found a perfect couple, would we go poly with them? No, I don't think we've ever found a couple that we, I mean, maybe, I mean, like I said before, maybe count on one hand, I can think of couples that we are very equally attractive to, but that's just so hard to find. It is. It's a very hard part. I think that's something that we don't talk about in the lifestyle enough.
So I guess, okay, so the follow-up question to is it true that couples don't take one for the team is, is it possible that one partner in that couple is taking one for the team but not telling their partner that they're doing it?
Like're not being honest you know i mean yeah but i don't know that it's necessarily like a bad thing you know like i don't just like i don't think it's like mistrust or anything like that i just there are some people i can be attracted to two people but i can be attracted to one person more than the other like i'm never gonna sleep with someone or swing with someone that i'm not attracted to like that's not something that i will sign up for but i will swing with somebody that i like but maybe they're not my ideal right but what i'm saying i guess what i'm saying here though is is it possible that say like you know we meet a couple and i can tell you're super into the dude and i'm like yeah the girl's okay is it possible that i just don't communicate to you that i just think the girl's okay and i you so it leads you to believe that we're equally excited about yeah yeah i think that's probably happening i think we've probably done that before yeah do you think yeah i think it happens i think well and you know i think the more you get into this lifestyle and the more you kind of have reasonable expectations, that almost becomes normal, right?
Yeah. It's like if you see your partner super excited and you look at that, you know, the other partner. You want them to be happy. You're like, I want my partner to be happy and honestly, especially for guys, I think they're just happy to be here a lot of times, right? Like, you know, and it was like, well, yeah, she's, you know, she might not be a 10 to me, but she's good enough.
And if my partner's super into that like yeah i'm totally terrible though she's good enough well i think we'll get more into this but yeah i think i think that's okay i think it's you know having a person that you know that's i'm willing like you know i mean like yeah i'm not like head over heels like oh my gosh it's such a touchy subject because I don't want people to think that we think that we're like tens and we're perfect. No. God knows. You're the ten. I'm the like six. Oh, hush it. I'm the one that people are taking for the team for you. Oh, hush it.
No, but I mean, I just want to make sure that like we communicate that. Like we do not think that or I guess let me speak for myself. I don't think that I'm a ten.
I've got cellulite.ite right now i've got a big ass bruise on my leg from tripping over the dog i mean i've got scars i don't think that i'm perfect and i'm not i don't want this to come across as like a judgmental podcast like i will swing with him even though he's not to my level i don't want anybody to think that's what i'm saying because i'm not saying that and this is you know i think to your point here something that's kind of interesting about this is i bet we've played with couples where sometimes the female is more into me than the male necessarily is to you yeah and we've also played with a lot of couples where the male is way more into you than the female is into me we also played with couples that i've not played with the male and you played with the white like because he either watches or he can't get on i mean like we've done a lot of that what i'm saying is a lot of this is depends on the couple right like yeah you know we might think that we're a pretty equally attractive couple or that we're a pretty attractive couple but truthfully depending on which couple that we engage with they might look at us well attraction is like everybody is attracted to different things you know like i love a dad bod a hundred percent um i also love a super fit girl like a super you know i just so what we're into the next person may not be and that's okay we're allowed to have our preferences sorry if i went off on a tangent you're good.
I don't read the notes before. Sometimes you'll start talking about notes I have later on. So far we're staying on track pretty well. All right. So I think we've kind of broken it into there are two types of taking it for the team. And we really nailed this first one quite a bit, right? That sometimes there's a partner that doesn't have a huge attraction or find the other partner crazy hot. But they're not repulsed either, right? Yeah. Thank you.
there's a partner that that doesn't have a huge attraction um or find their crazy find the other partner crazy hot um but they're not repulsed either right yeah it's like yeah i can tell my partner's super into that one uh i'm not super into it but like i'm not i'm not repulsed by that person like it's they're you know like kind of you said they're okay right yeah that that is probably the most common type of taking one and that's not and that's what i mean but that's not talked about i think when people say we don't take one for the team it's probably i'm assuming what your next definition is going to be right so the second form of taking one for the team would be you're not attracted to them at all right yeah you're actually maybe even turned off by that person yeah but you push yourself through that experience for your partner yeah um i think that's less common yeah i agree um and i think when people refer to not taking one for the team that's what they mean by that and i agree i don't think anybody should do that um and we've had cases that like i can think of this one couple in particular i'm very attracted to him and you are not attracted to her they're both super kind we're great friends with them and i would love to fuck him but you just and it's not anybody in our friend group so y'all don't go around like trying to it's not it's a local couple but like i would totally be down but you're not and that's okay like i've never really even pushed it because i knew that you that was just she's just not your type and that's totally fine yeah and this this leads exactly into our kind of the next part of this conversation is you know i think that first taking one for the team where it's like i'm not super excited but i'm willing to do it you know or like you know like this could just be a fun experience even though i'm not super into it um so let's do it i think that's perfectly normal i think it's perfectly okay i think that's natural it's okay if you're okay with it right you know that because it's again back to consent like if if you're comfortable doing it and you're into the person enough to do that then by all means i think it's your life you do what you want to do Right but that second one where you're actually repulsed or no totally not into a person I don't think that's it's not healthy to push yourself through that I don't think it's healthy either I also don't think it's healthy for your spouse to put you in a situation like I think you should have if you're in a position to be swingers and you're you know at a club or whatever you should be able to look at your partner and say it's a no for me yeah and they should respect that they should we actually had a chance a time where I was like we have to go um we were actually at Hedo if you want to go back and listen to that story.
Um, and you were super into the girl and I actually like allowed it to go on long enough that you actually got to fuck her a little bit. I never engaged with the husband. He like, he was just annoying the shit out of me. He was, you know, it was just, it wasn't a good situation. And so I was like, I kind of pretended like I had to go to the bathroom.
You checked on me and I was like, we're out Yeah, no, I think you know, let's let's recap that a little bit Right, because I think I think this is probably the most if I was gonna think of taking one for the team This is one of the most notable experiences that I can think of And so to be fair this couple that Lacey's talking about we we had met them a night or two before We had been around this couple and we had actually talked about them and said like you know obviously the the female was super hot I was super in her the girl that the guy wasn't but he was I was attracted to this is my point of this is you were attracted to the guy and we had kind of talked about it's like yeah like yeah I would do that um so you know we didn't connect with him that night the next day we're all pool drinking.
Um, and then this is when the thunderstorm comes and then this couple invites us back to their, back to their room. They had a hot tub, right? And if you go back and listen, this is where the dick slap happens and all this stuff. So you go back and listen to, I think it's Hedo, Hedo part one or something and you'll get the full story. Um, but anyway, what, what ended up happening is this guy was too drunk.
He was sloppy drunk to the point where he was annoying to the point where he was a little pushy a little grabby a little knocking over drinks not really respect you know like not really i think i don't think he was in a state of mind to to be a good partner for anybody really um and so and i think you realize it maybe not as much as i did because you were you were distracted yeah so we go from the hot set, we go to the room to play and, and, you know, I start playing with his wife. She was super into it. Yeah. She was like super into it. She was gorgeous. Yeah.
And she was beautiful and I'm kind of having fun and, you know, Lacey's there and I can't really see exactly what's going on, you know, but, you know, cause I'm kind of busy, but she ends up excusing herself and going to the bathroom and so i took not in like a i gotta get out of here way it was more of like i've got to pee i'll be right back you know i just had to like remove myself just a second to kind of gather myself i don't know if it was intuition something led me to believe like i need to go check on like maybe it's just because we stopped and we don't really play separately so i was like you know i kind of stopped too or whatever so i go to check on lacy and she was like we need to get out of here and i was like and there really wasn't a chance to talk because again we're in these people's bathrooms so i was just like we're in their hotel room we're going and he's like looking at me like deer in headlights like are you kidding you know like he was immediate reaction is he was like are you fucking kidding me yeah like i'm having so much fun and i was like oh we're leaving like i was gonna leave your ass there it was to that point well we talked like we were into them we're having fun like what the fuck what you were like balls deep you were having a great time literally yeah so we go out and i'm like hey guys i'm not feeling well we're gonna go back to lacy did the like oh my stomach's upset and I'm not feeling good which I mean we should have probably been honest but in the time we just I was like just get me out of this room and so we ended up excusing ourselves and we're butt naked walking on the beach at Hedo in Jamaica and Dan's like what the fuck Lacey he's like she was so hot and I was you know I only got to fuck her like for like five minutes and i stopped and i looked at him and i said this is not how we do this i think first you said you're welcome for those five i did say you're welcome that you got to i said no i said you better thank me you got to fuck her for five minutes but we i kind of stopped walking and i was like this is not what we do you know because i could see him like getting not necessarily at me.
He was just like, holy shit, I was having so much fun. And we just left what happened because I didn't really communicate what the problem was. But once we stopped and I looked at him and I was like, this is not what we do. He was way too drunk. I wasn't into it. I had to get out of there.
He like heard me and he kind of removed himself from the situation he was like you're right we don't do this and i mean had we not had those good boundaries and communication skills that could have been like oh it could have been a blow oh yeah but i think i think once it clicked in my head that you weren't okay like that you know you weren't comfortable in the situation i think that's I think that's when it, at first I was like, why would you just walk out in the middle of, like, having fun? Because we just don't typically behave that way.
You know, we do a pretty good job of, like, making the best out of it. But then you were like, no, he was drunk. He tried to, I don't know, he tried to put his finger in your butt. I mean, he tried to do something weird and, yeah, you weren't uncomfortable. And then, of course, of course it's time. But, like, I could have taken one for the team.
Pushed through team push through it push through it and then i would have left there and probably been resentful with you and this this gets into exactly what we're talking about next is kind of some of the risks and dangers of it right and so i think a big reason that couples do this taking one for the team especially that second one where it's it's really not healthy right they're really pushing themselves outside of their boundaries to please their partner is they don't want they want they don't want to let their partner down right if you see your partner you know comparison is a real thing you want your partner to have a good experience you do not want to be the one to be like you know like let's stop or let's leave this you know that situation you gave was perfect like you know you see me having the time of my life it takes a lot to stop that in the moment and say hey we need to we need to take a break we need to leave we need to you know go back to our room yeah um that takes a level of confidence on your part and it also takes you know it's embarrassing to do but i think it's important that you do do that yeah um because yeah one of the risks are then if you do go through with it you could then blame me for it right you could say i did this and it made me uncomfortable it made me feel bad it made me feel you know yucky whatever and i did it for you because you were having fun and i'm gonna put that blame on you yeah like you were supposed to read my mind right like you were supposed to know even though you weren't really paying you know like you were occupied you were supposed to know what i was thinking and feeling in my head yeah and because you didn't this is all this is all your fault.
Yeah. And those are like slippery slopes in the lifestyle. And I don't think, I think a lot of people don't realize that you really have to talk about all those things. And I think, you know, going back to taking one for the team, when you're new in the lifestyle, you're very eager to just like do it. Yeah.
Literally just do do it and so i can see where someone would be more willing to take one for the team in the beginning because one even if you've been married a long time talking about sleeping with someone else is a hard conversation to have and i think as you're in the lifestyle more you learn those behaviors um so i just think that in the beginning it's just probably a lot harder conversations to have well i think everybody especially when you're new you want to have an experience oh for sure and i think you know anybody that's getting into this you'll realize how sometimes how hard it is to find the right couple to have an experience with and you might you might either one be super eager and willing to take one for the team quicker or you might be like super picky and then maybe your partner's like come on you know just like what's wrong with him or what's wrong with her so i can see like especially newer in the lifestyle that that probably well you get impatient and then you just kind of let's just rip the bandit off let's just do something so so we can say we did it.
And yeah, maybe the next time it'll be easier. You know, like you said, there's a slippery slope that can be dangerous. And it's, you know, the last thing you want to happen is have a bad experience and start to blame each other for it and then have it come between you and your partner. And, you know, what this is, this is all about having good experiences together, you and your partner having good experiences together. So nobody should be taking one for the team, especially, you know, I think it's okay to not be head over heels for one of the partners.
But if you truly are repulsed or uncomfortable or, you know, don't feel safe in a situation, that's not something you should be doing. Yeah, I agree. Right.
So your partner should always come first in any and every situation every scenario and that's what it's really all about it is but again i think it's okay if when you're in a situation if you don't always see everything just like you didn't you know i could have been like mad at you and said why didn't you notice or why didn't you do this but I think it's you're busy right yeah and I think you know one of the notes here is don't let the uh your partner or the one of the partners of the other couple push you into a situation that you're not comfortable yeah and I think you know I've seen stuff like that you know especially you, I've talked about when I was single that I started to play with the wife and then the husband, you know, at some point in time while we were in the middle of play would be like, is it okay if I suck your dick?
You know, like when that was never, you know, when I was very clear about my rules or boundaries ahead of time, or maybe that was something that was never really addressed, you know, and they try to kind of sneak it in there. I think couples can do the same thing, right? There's some, I've seen couples that were like, Hey, why don't you guys go play with my wife?
with my wife right and you know maybe you're not into the husband but he kind of offered up his wife and you're like well she's hot so shit we'll go have a threesome with the wife yeah the next thing you know the husband's sneaking in the bed and starting to touch people and starting to do things you're like oh this wasn't what i thought was happening but man i'm kind of in the middle of it now and i feel guilty telling him no like because he let us use you know borrow his wallet you wallet, you know, like that kind of stuff can happen. You know, I don't think it's the norm.
You know, I don't want to scare anybody that's listening and think that there's these predator couples out there that are doing this. But but things like that can happen and do happen. And I think, you know, you have to have the piece of money or the you know, you can't be afraid to say no or to stop a situation. Yeah.
Hey, you know, hey, we were understanding that we're just going to play with your wife we're actually not comfortable you know with you you know it's hard having these conversations like i get it i mean like but and we have even came so far like even myself like in the beginning i'd be like elbowing you to have the hard conversations and it's gotten to where now i can yeah but now i've gotten to where I like it's almost like I have my own voice and I feel comfortable saying that so I think that that comes with like experience as a lifestyle yeah I think the key to all this is just to remember that this is supposed to be a fun exciting and sexy experience for both of you for everybody involved in if at any point in time it gets not fun or it's not sexy or you feel uncomfortable that's really the time to stop and your partner's always first and you're always going to have your partner so it's okay to walk away it's okay to take a break it's okay to leave um as long as you have your partner there and you're putting them first yeah all right i think now what we're going to do is we're going to take a little break and we're going to hear from the partners and sponsors of the Swing Nation podcast.
And then when we get back, we're going to talk a little bit about maybe some ways to solve this problem.
Maybe, you know, if you have a couple that's you're not equally attracted to, are there options out there that other other options besides taking one for the team okay and then after that i think we're going to talk a little bit about how society has kind of programmed us um into thinking this this taking one for the team kind of mentality and what that really means and uh maybe some ulterior ways of thinking about that okay all right guys we'll be right back after the break we here at the swing nation podcast are proud to partner with promessant listen guys we've all been there you're having a hot night with a hot chick maybe a few hot chicks but you need to kind of delay the time before you pull that trigger that's where promescent comes in they have this awesome product called the delay spray you literally spray it on and it delays the time that you orgasm so you can make sure that your partner is well taken care of and as swingers we're all about making sure our partners are well taken care of.
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So if you're looking to connect with with like-minded people click the link in our show notes and sign up for stc using our affiliate link and receive a full access for 14 days completely free make sure you join the swing nation stc group and send us a message all right guys welcome back welcome back Thanks for listening to our sponsors we love our sponsors we do all of them we got some nice sponsor baskets ready for nashville this weekend yeah lacy has been working she's actually just literally finished them i did i think we have six baskets to give away if you're just listening to this we will be in nashville january 27th and 28th um of 2023 in case you listen to this later yeah literally tomorrow we'll be in nashville tomorrow um and i just made six gift baskets for all of our sponsors they all donated and all the money that we raised for those rifle baskets will go to Woodhull Foundation.
Well, excellent. And, yeah, we really appreciate it. You know, people don't really realize that. But, you know, our sponsors are continuously donating things for events. They're very. Charity giveaways and, you know, lube and condoms and all that stuff. They take good care of us. And we appreciate it. All right. So back to taking one for the team. Right.
So I guess the, guess the you know the question becomes if if there are partners there that you feel not equally attracted to are the ways around you know is there ways to still have fun with them without necessarily taking one for the team absolutely well i don't how though like if we're a couple for a couple like how do you play with another couple if we're not we don't feel equally attracted to them without taking them we love we love group play i mean not necessarily for this reason we love it because it's just fun this reason does add in an extra bonus um that you know like one of us could sleep with one and the other not now i will say just fyi if any of our friends are listening to this there's been a couple of times where like you've swung with like the wife and i haven't swung with the husband but i was really into them but because we have such a big group it's like hard for me to get over there so just fyi if you listen to this that doesn't mean that we're not attracted to you it just sometimes we can have ginormous orgies it's um becoming more and more of a thing which i actually absolutely love but i will say the same thing that you just said is there's been several times where we've had kind of these orgies and i've never i haven't gotten to necessarily everybody that i wanted to get yeah it happens or maybe didn't get to the ones i was actually excited you know the most excited about that night so you know especially when you start getting you know up there in numbers it become more and more difficult man we sound like sluts we do well you are a slut but i am but yeah i mean we love group play it's so much fun and i do get that like not everybody that they're comfortable with that um i also get like maybe they're comfortable with it, but they't know how to like initiate it which can be tricky you're kind of like our group play um person or g whisper that's you um so i do get that like that comes with like i don't know if it's a special skill set but you do have to have somebody that's a little bit more outgoing and comfortable kind of putting their themselves out there to make that happen and i know not every friend group is going to have someone comfortable doing that it can be difficult right because it's always the hey we want to have a group we want to have a group thing you know and it's like you go to one couple be like hey we're thinking about inviting this you know like are you okay with them you don't want to leave anybody out but if there's a couple that feels uncomfortable with a couple it can get awkward real quick so it is a hard thing to negotiate but man when it happens it is yeah it is magical i want to say like a more organic group play where we just happen to all be in a playroom and it's just fun now of course you have to be like super aware of your surroundings and who's touching you and consent and stuff like that but i think that's a little bit more fun than like the organized okay so in a group play scenario yeah how do you avoid taking one for the team well first of all your alcohol consumption is number one because if your judgment is clouded that makes it hard and i do get that you know a few shots kind of make the nerves go away so there is such a fine line but um definitely aware of your surroundings and who's by you so just being you know looking around paying attention also placing yourself in positions so that way you're going towards someone and let's say somebody that maybe kind of that falls in that first category like maybe you're into them but you're not like there's somebody over there that you're super you know i think you can like be kissy and flirty as you're making your way over you know i don't think we should like hurt anybody's feelings you flirt with them a little on your way past them yeah and i think that's okay um i've even gotten up and like went to the restroom to like you know clean you know or you go cool off or say i get a drink of water and then then move myself right to the other side i mean i know a lot of couples love honesty they would rather you just say hey i think you're great but i'm not sexually attracted to you i kind of fall on the opposite end of that i don't want to hurt your heart you know so like i would rather you get a sip of water and then walk to the other side of the bed and then like make you feel bad about yourself and yourself.
And I think, you know, to say this in group play, in a group play scenario, I think the most important thing for people to realize is before you, even in that group play scenario, you still have to ask for consent. Oh, 100%. Is it okay if I touch you? Is it all right if I, whatever. Well, and you've done a really good job about before we start, you will stop everything and say, okay, what's everybody's boundaries? Who is soft swap? Who's full swap? What can we do? What can't we do? And I very much enjoy that. I really like that.
And I do agree that the consent, I love that when guys or even, you know, girls are like, hey, can I touch i touch you or can i instead of just like grabbing you and like making out no i think it's something that needs to be more normalized i think we do a decent job in our group but i think it's something i feel like it's gotten better just even in like the last year i think working with ncsf on consent has just brought like a heightened awareness for us and i'm thankful for them for that because i feel like we kind of needed it as like swingers in whole um i do think consent is very important yeah no i think you know it's easy to get excited in a group full naked people and think that it's a free-for-all.
It is never that case. Yeah, and even if you had previously played with someone, you still need to ask consent, like, if this is another occasion. Because they may have taken one for the team last time, and they were like, not today. I'm not doing it. And so I just think to be mindful of that. Right. Well, there's also other things. I mean, there's sometimes in group situations where, you know, you might get tired or you might, you know, like physically you need to take a break. I've done that plenty of times. Not that you don't want to have sex with that person. Yeah.
But you just, you know, hey, not right now. Like, I need to take a little time out. I've done that because, like, I tend to, like, sometimes I can feel myself getting too drunk. And if I kind of like cool, like kind of remove myself, like sit back a little, drink some water, watch for a while. I will feel a lot better. And honestly, like watching you is a huge turn on for me. So I enjoy that.
So I just think if you feel yourself getting there, you can do those things a hundred percent all right some other ways to uh not take one for the team what about separate play yeah i mean i definitely think that's that's a big deal i know a lot of couples that do separate play i think the problem is is that there is by far more same room couple. So I've met a lot in our group. And I think, I think overall in the lifestyle, we encounter people. I don't know what the percentages are. I would be super curious, but I do feel like it's probably like at least 60, 40.
Would you say that are same room, same room, 60, separate room, 40. So I imagine that the separate room people probably sometimes have to play same room unless it's like with a single you know like i think that happens a lot yeah not so i think you know not you know it seems like you know couples that maybe have a big age gap probably have harder times doing couple for couple um yeah there could be a lot a lot of reasons why couples would do that. Some couples just enjoy it.
I've talked, you know, we've talked to couples that just like, you know, when I'm in the room with my wife, I just can't concentrate. Like, I'm always looking at her. I'm always worried about her. I always, you know, I can't really. Like be in the moment. All right. I can't, yeah, I can't engage. I'm not fully engaged with the person I'm with because I'm always keeping an eye on my partner. And, you know, I can, I guess, understand that. But for me, it's like, well, I want to keep an eye on my partner. Like, that's what's hot about it. Like, that's what I like. I like watching you.
I really enjoy that. But I also, like, I totally get that. Why people choose to play separate. It makes sense to me. I just, it scares.
That scares me a little if i'm if i'm gonna be honest i don't know yeah um but to each their own yeah okay and then i think another and this is kind of another separate play but with the whole the hot wife situation i think is that a reason yeah i think it's a reason i think we talk about this a lot on tiktok and stuff but more of our friends play with single males than anything else like because it's hard to find a four-way connection and a lot of times the guys just want their wives to be taken care of and i think that's like a sweet thing they're kind of putting their wife first and so it's easier to just bring in a single male and have her taken care of that way i agree you know it's not something we've done uh yeah maybe i want to maybe next time we kind of kind of do maybe we are doing it this weekend a little bit uh i don't know if it's exactly a hot wife situation.
We can make you sit in the corner and watch. You know that's not his style. No, but I mean, a lot of our friends do it. You know, a lot of singles are like, oh, you know, there's not a lot of place for single males. But by far, the majority of our friends bring single males home. Yeah. I think it's totally a way to, you know, to. Avoid taking one for a team. Right. And especially, you know, I think in that hot wife scenario, really the female gets to kind of pick out what her perfect specimen is. You know, what her fantasy is.
And a little more than it can be harder to, you know, for you to pick out a male in a couple for couples. it's like impossible to find a single female if listen if somebody's got the trick out there can you like email it to us but like we've tried now but like single males like we could probably find one in like an hour to come over um so i just think that's why like hot wifing is such a bigger thing than, like, hot husbing, hot husbing. Yeah, and it's been interesting to me, you know, as we kind of developed in the lifestyle that how many wives are actually kind of into hot husbanding.
It's just not a thing so much, I think, because of what you're saying. It's so hard to find single females that would do the hot, you know, honestly. Oh, I'd love to watch you.
If you were going to hot husband me, it would probably be more with hot wife couples, you know what I mean, than it would be single females that would do the hot you know honestly i'd love to watch you if you were gonna hot husband me it would probably be more with hot wife couples you know i mean then it would be single females bringing in them in yeah then we should make that a thing hot hot husbanding with hot wife couples yeah like a hot swap i'll let you but that's kind of in a way a couple for couple almost no. No, we just pick one. We do that with some of our friends.
We've done it with quite a few of our friends where I just fuck the wife and you watch and he watches. Or at some point in the night. I'm getting the shit in and the deal here. You're going to get fine deals this weekend.
you've always got decent deals all right all right moving on moving on all right so this is something i wanted to talk about and it's because i actually came across this on on reddit right um which is reddit's a whole world that i really don't understand but this this i found interesting right um and and it's this is the a lot of wives and maybe this can apply I don't think it necessarily is gender you know specific but the idea of not settling or lowering your standards when looking for somebody to have sex with right and so there I think there are people out there that are like you know hey my wife or husband is hot I'm swinging for fun why would I low like why would i no i agree why would i engage with somebody less attractive that i'm less attracted to than my husband or my spouse like i'm not doing that i can kind of relate to that so i'm only gonna play with people that are hotter or more attractive or equally hot not hotter than my wife not that part but like i do see i do if i had that mentality my my standard would be way the fuck up but see that's how i feel about you though because like let's be honest you are always hard in these events not always okay 90 of the time you always like give it to the wife like so good and a lot of times i feel like the male is struggling you know they're over there like really trying to make it work or you know just having confidence issues or it could be anxiety I don't know and then I'm watching you like have the time of your life and I'm like why would I swing when I have you who's just going to give it to me good every single time right so i can kind of relate to that on a certain level but like i'm off but at the same time i'm not searching for someone better than you right well you just said that though no well you said you wanted equal equal or better.
I just. Okay, let me let's move on. All right. Next question. Do you think women in society are programmed to withhold sex from men that they don't, you know, like, do you think women are taught wait for the perfect man before you have sex with them? Like, wait for a good guy.
wait for you know like there's something is there's something kind of pre-programmed into woman that like if that's not somebody that you think can take care of you or be your mate or is at certain standard that's like part of like don't have sex with them yeah i mean i think that's part of like everything that we're breaking you know i think that's part of monogamy i think that's just like part of growing up and thinking that a relationship has to look a certain way and be a certain way i think that kind of was lumped into that so you think you know maybe there's some part of your brain like that that's not somebody i would marry and have children with so i don't want to fuck them like that that's somehow still stuck into your your i'm sure on some level but like when people ask me about like those like kind of that or like what is your type And I never know how to answer that question because I'm not trying to marry these people that I swim with like I'm not trying to take them home to meet my parents I'm just trying to like have a great orgasm and have fun some naughty fun for the night like you know I so my type varies like I and I want it to vary like sometimes I want a dad bod sometimes I might want a six pack sometimes I might like a shaved head sometimes I might like long hair you know I mean like that's what's fun about the lifestyle and I think as women for I can only speak for women because I am a woman but like once you learn, it's like it's about my pleasure and about what I'm getting from this.
And that makes the whole taking one for a team kind of like that's where it's OK. That's what makes it kind of what I'm trying to get to. Right.
Is, you know, maybe it sounds like you feel this way, that if there's some kind of society programming into you know if you're gonna have sex with a man he better be look a certain way he better have some kind of social status maybe he needs to make so much money um you know but i think about that when i'm picking a spouse when i'm picking someone to marry but not in the swing car lifestyle no right so that's that would be my point is in this community in this this lifestyle you know when you're looking to play right when you're looking to engage with men you're not looking for the man or in my case the woman that you're going to marry that you're going to raise children with so in a way it's oh it's okay if you don't find him super attractive it's okay maybe if he doesn't uh you know maybe he doesn't make a bunch of money which honestly a lot of times in the lifestyle have no idea how much no nor does it matter you know it's okay if you don't look at that male as somebody that you would date right and i think that's kind of the line right is i think a lot of females especially maybe newer couples or maybe you know and i think men do the same thing they look at the the females or the you know the potential partners out there and they think would i date this person yeah and if the answer is no then in their head it's like well if i fuck them then i'm kind of taking that i'm taking one for the team i don't see i totally disagree and maybe that's just because we've been in the lifestyle for you know a while now and that's probably like a learned behavior too because a lot of like a lot of parts of the lifestyle is breaking all of those stigmas that Well breaking your programming like breaking you kind of have to like change your mindset correct like i part of why i love lifestyle now is and probably why i was drawn to it is because it is naughty like that excites me um being with people that i wouldn't necessarily marry or i wouldn't necessarily take home to meet my parents.
That is fun for me. Right. And that's, that's my point. Right. So the whole idea behind the lifestyle is really to have new experiences, uh, and different experiences and enjoy the excitement that comes from that. Right. Um, and you don't necessarily have to have a partner, a play partner that would be somebody you would date to have new experiences, to have different experiences. You can just hold smorgasbord of people out there. Enjoy it for what it is. It's kind of like friends with benefits. You're my friend.
I'm not the type of person that's only going to be friends with somebody because they look a certain way or act a certain way. I'm picking my friends based on their personality and are they a good time? And I think, again, that's a learned behavior in the lifestyle. Yeah. And I think there are people out there that you can be compatible with for so many other reasons than just physical attraction. Oh, 100%. You might think they're funny. You might think they hold a good conversation. You might just see a big dick and be like, I want to try that big dick out. Yeah. Right.
It could be it could be any kind of any reason they might have. They just have a good vibe. You're right. You're hanging out with them. You're fun. They just are fun and easy to get along with. I mean, how many people have we saw on like a swinger website? And I'm like, oh, I don't know. I'm not super into that.
And then we see him at a club and like hit it off instantly you know sometimes what you see it you have to get to know the person yeah and their personality makes them attractive well yeah like life of spice and them they always use vibe like if we vibe with a couple we'll play with them yeah it's like well what does vibe mean but it's you know that's what it is it's like you can hang out have conversations and laugh and enjoy them i don't really care if you're physically attracted to them if you're having fun with them keep having fun with them and maybe some of that fun is naked fun yeah you know i mean as long as it's a good vibe you don't necessarily have to be like oh my god i'm so attracted to that him or her you know they can now when that happens though yeah if you can get all of it but that's i think that's kind of the point to say here is you're almost never gonna find all of it it.
No, and I think that's what, like, when you find the person that you're like, whoo, they're sexy. It's fun. You know, it's like it makes it new and exciting. So if they were all like 12, you know, it probably wouldn't be super fun.
You got to sprinkle in a little bit to appreciate what you have yeah so i think you know if we were to sum this up because you know we're running low on time um if you're repulsed by somebody if you're turned off by somebody if you're getting a bad vibe if you feel unsafe around somebody that's that's taking one for the team and yeah don't fucking do it right's no reason to do that. Don't don't push to pressure your partner to do it. Stay away from that. Huge red flag. Don't engage. Right. Yeah. But at the same time, it's okay if you're not crazy about them. It's okay if you don't.
It's not somebody you see yourself falling in love with and dating. Honestly, that's probably a good thing. Right.
It's's okay to try a variety if you are hanging out with people and you're vibing with them and you're having fun then that's all it takes necessarily to take it to the next level and maybe go back to a playroom and yeah get a little more crazy yeah i agree um and i think you know we've talked about it a lot of times is i think a lot of couples kind of get hung up on that and maybe it's easy it prevents them from having experiences because they keep their bar so high you know that they they want to have you know if they don't feel like that partner is somebody that they would if it doesn't check like mary right then they they don't they don't take it to that next level when in real reality they could have had an amazing night right and i'm not saying lower your standards i'm just saying like enjoy the experience be open to new experiences and you know physical attraction is Thank you.
had an amazing night right and i'm not saying lower your standards i'm just saying like enjoy the experience be open to new experiences and you know physical attraction is not the only thing that can lead to a good experience because i we've met some like amazing people and like that it's not about their looks you know like some of times the hottest guy or the hottest girl in a room is not the funnest you know and i would rather be with the funnest person in the room i agree yeah and i think you know the lifestyle is supposed to be fun right you and your partner need to be on the same page you probably need to talk about this before you go to events and go and before you engage with couples um the last thing you want to do is spend all night arguing about who you're gonna you know who you want to play with or trying to you know like if you disagree trying to like you know mediate that in the middle of a club or in the middle of an event like that that's no fun um this is supposed to be fun you're supposed to have fun um i think as long as you're vibing with a couple despite their physical appearance it's okay to to take one for the team so to speak can we call it something else what would you what would you call i don't know i feel like there needs to be like well taking one for the team should be if you're repulsed or you're not into it but i feel like there's such a gray area between that and i just wish we could name that gray area the i'm not excited but i'm willing to do it no that sounds terrible too i don't know yolo Thank you.
in that gray area the i'm not excited but i'm willing to do it no that sounds terrible too i don't know yolo yolo does that show we're old if we say yolo yeah probably but uh no i think you're right i think it's okay to yolo yeah i think it's okay to go out there and yolo somebody yeah um i think that's okay yeah i'm i'm good with that uh all right so you already mentioned it but but tomorrow we'll be at the Red Room in Nashville. Friday night's our content creator night. We have plenty of tickets for that. Actually, we can sell tickets at the door.
So if you are some type of content creator, it could be OnlyFans, it could be TikTok, it could be Instagram, it could be you like taking pictures of your wife to save on your hard drive.
Just know that there's going to cameras gonna be video um nobody's gonna be taking any pictures or videos of people without consent but uh there will be a all of that going on at the club um and if you're interested come on out um uh all the tickets are purchased through twitter.net so you know log on there first make sure there's some tickets buy your ticket and then show up to the red room tomorrow now saturday night is completely sold out saturday night is sold out that's why you guys start getting your tickets early right don't show up they're not gonna let you show up um and then we have secrets in march which last i heard i think there was three rooms there's two i think two rooms so if you're hearing this and you were thinking about going like this right now this is your last call yeah pull up your phone yeah go to swingersaudy.net and go grab one of the two rooms because you will be if you don't get a room you can stay yeah there's an over hotel overflow hotel you can get day passes but then you got uber back you've got to do all that stuff.
I mean, is it fun? Yes, but you have more fun on property. We've got some big DJs for that event that we're going to announce very soon, so stay tuned for that. The headliner for Saturday is kind of a big deal. Really? Yeah, kind of a big deal. I don't know a lot about DJs. I'll let you handle that. Okay. All right. Anything else that you want to say to the Swing Nation listeners out there? That's it. YOLO, guys. Just go out and YOLO. That's all we got to say. All right. I think with that, in a world full of apples. Be the pineapple. Be the pineapple, guys. Bye.
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