Send us Fan MailThe Swing Nation PodcastLifestyle Education: Swinging With Lust Not Love | Episode 35In this swinger podcast episode, Dan and Lacy break down how to separate the emotion of love from swinging. They talk about how to avoid developing romantic feelings for the people you play with in the lifestyle, and how to maintain that friends with benefits vibe. If you have wondered what the differences between being a swinger, being polyamorous, and being in an open relationship are, they share that as well! This is a great episode that covers many of the questions so many people have asked recently, tune in to learn the answers! Non-Monogamy Map_______________- The Swing Nation -Main WebsiteQuick Navigation Website: -- (Find all our social media links more!)Follow us on Facebook!The Podcast Website_______________ - Swinger Society -Our Website to meet, connect eventsSwinger Society DiscordOur Facebook Group_______________ - Swinger Websites -SDCUsername: TheSwingNation** Use code 36313 for 14 days free! **SLSUsername: NorthernGuynSouthernGirl_______________ - Merch More -The Swing Nation MerchThe Swinger Pride FlagsSwinger Society Merch_______________ - Lacy’s Fun Links -VIP OnlyFansPREMIUM OnlyFans_______________ -- THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS --Shameless Care: ED Medication and at home STD testingUse Code TSN at checkout for $30 off your order!Promescent® Make Love Longer, It’s Time for Great SexUse Code SwingNation for 5% off!Pinaq Liqueur; The Official Drink of The Swing NationUse Code TSN at checkout for 15% off!Non-monogamy Couples Course and Single Guy Mastery CourseUse Code ATLANTA for 50% off!Support the show- Thank you for the support! -
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This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18, it contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice.
welcome to the swing nation podcast a podcast by swingers for swingers where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe interview the experts learn and grow together. Join the nation. Hey there, pineapple people, and welcome to the Swing Nation podcast. We are your hosts, Northern Guy and Southern Girl.
In today's episode, we're going to talk about how to avoid love in the lifestyle correct well you can love your partner right and so lately here on social media on tiktok on on really all the socials we've been getting asked a lot of questions on how do you not uh develop feelings for the people that you swing with how do you not fall in love with those people um so we're gonna we're gonna kind of address that a little bit yeah we're gonna talk through it i mean honestly to be super honest when people ask me this question i don't probably have a very good answer so i'm really kind of excited to talk through this with you today to kind of, like, come up with a clear answer.
I mean, I know that I don't struggle with that, and I know that, like, I don't put my heart in a place to fall for anybody, but that's kind of hard to explain, so I think this is going to be almost like a therapy session slash discussion on how to avoid that in the lifestyle. So I'm looking forward to it. Yeah. And in classic Dan and Lacey research, Dan has done all, all the research and Lacey is going to go with it. Yeah. That's right. Yeah. That's what we do here. People love that about us. Right. I think so.
Another side note about today's episode is me and lacy are not together first episode not together and so we are doing this um through a digital platform yeah so if our audio is a little off this time sorry our goal is to always do them together but if you know anything about our story we do live in separate houses and it sometimes can be hard and we debated not even doing a podcast this week but we've done one a week since we started and we really really wanted to stick with it so if our quality is not a 10, please, please give us grace.
Yeah, but I'm also kind of curious to see how this how it works out, because we have some other interviews and stuff coming up. So hopefully this platform works out well for us and we can continue to pull in people remotely to do this type of thing. Yeah, agreed. Okay, so I think the first place to start when talking about not falling in love in the lifestyle is to really understand that in non-monogamy, that's not what everybody's looking for.
correct like I love you like you are the person that I want to fall asleep with every night you are my best friend you're my partner you're my husband I love you do I care about our swinger friends absolutely do I care about some more than maybe others like we've developed closer friendships and relationships with them absolutely but I never ever want to go and like be romantically, like emotionally involved with someone. Yeah. And it's, you know, I think it's worth noting that non-monogamy is not, you know, it's not cut and dry, right?
It's really, you know, it's a fluid thing that between partners, right? So it's whatever you make it, right. It could represent a lot of different things. And, uh, it was a while ago. I shared a Tik TOK, um, that had the map of non-monogamy on it and a lot of people are pretty interested in it and it is an interesting map. Um, it just has all the different relationship types that you could see in non- monogamy.
And then it kind of little x's all over it at to what like what that could possibly look like um so i'll probably drop the link to that in the show notes just so you can see it um but i mean there's got to be 10 15 different kind of subtypes oh for sure it's crazy yeah so there's open relationships poly you know the the b the BDSM, dom, sub, closed relationships, swinging, polygamy, like religious type non-monogamy. There's just cheating spouses, you know, people that are just doing casual sex. And then it's kind of as you look over the graph, you know, there'll be an X on each thing.
So like, you know, here in the casual sex part, it says, I i'm too busy for a relationship and so all of my partners so we just we just have casual sex or me and my wife like to hook up uh at raves right so that's like that's all they do is they go to raves and once in a while they'll hook up with other couples and that's you know they wouldn't consider themselves swingers but they do with other people. So, I mean, it's, there's a whole spectrum, I think, of people out there that kind of fall into this non-monogamy umbrella. And I think that's important for people to understand.
Yeah, I mean, even the cheating ones, some people are non-monogamous and they don't even know. They don't, I mean, like, I think that's to be noted. I mean, like, let's think about it. How many people do we know that one or the other spouse has cheated? Like, so many, right? And that's technically non-monogamous, you know? I mean, like, and that's almost socially accepted at this point. It's really sad.
yeah and i don't i don't have the research in front of me but i think the last time i looked that up it's something like 50 you know 50 or over 50 percent of couples that you know have been married for x amount of years have you know experienced some type of infidelity so uh i think yeah non-monogamy is not exclusive to swinging and it's honestly also not exclusive to people that even choose to be non-monogamous. Correct. Okay.
So noting that and knowing that it's super complicated and there's a million different relationship structures that could be out there, I think it is key that we kind of define some of the more common ones. And this kind of piggybacks off last week's episode of terms, because I think we do need to kind of define some of the terms for the more popular non-monogamous relationships. No, I agree. I'm glad you did this, because honestly, I've never looked at some of these definitions.
So I'm glad that you did did that you obviously send them to me so i can read them if you or read one of them if you want me to um be i've never i've never even looked at the definition of a swinger so i'm excited to actually to do this do you want me to start yeah go ahead and start so i i would just say first the three the three ones we kind of picked and I think this is pretty universal, is swinging, polyamory and open relationships. So, you know, those are kind of the big three.
And then, you know, if you look at that map, kind of all the other types of non-monogamy kind of fall somewhere within that that spectrum. So let's start. Go ahead.
OK, so a swinger is a person who engages in group sex or swapping of sexual partners what do you how do you feel about so these are just google definitions i literally just googled definition of and this is what google popped up how do you feel about that definition of swinger i think that's appropriate um i think that a swinger can be whatever you make it um I, again, because there has been this cloud over a lot of social media with swingers, I have actually been asked this question quite a few times.
Like, well, I thought swingers swapped spouses, and I've been seeing a lot of, like, group play and stuff like that. Like, what, can you explain that? And I, my response is a swinger is whatever you make of it. Right. So like you could just invite a couple could just invite a female into their relationship. Their swingers, swingers could have a group sex play with 10 other couples, 20 people. That also is a swinger.
Another swing, swingers could also just swap with a couple that's still a swinger like there's so many branches it's really whatever you choose to make it yeah but i think you know again yeah it's a very general definition swingers are people who engage in some type of sexual activity with other with other people okay so let's move on to then what is polyamory you marry it yeah go ahead characterized by or involved in the practice of engaging in multiple romantic romantic and typically sexual relationships with the consent of all people involved so the difference there is the room is the romantic wait romantic relationships right right what's the difference right so that's my general understanding is swingers are more looking for you know they kind of focus on the sexual activity of it right um it's very it's more like casual sex with your friends where polyamory is more like i am looking to be in a romantic relationship with other people yeah so does polyamory i guess like we can just talk this or you you probably don't know this or maybe so like it's polyamory um like trying to think of how to say it where one couple dates another couple or is it like maybe like one guy into i guess is it kind of like swinging where it's really whatever you make of it i'm assuming yeah and i think what you're saying is right you know me and you aren't experts because we've never really engaged in this but my understanding from the people i've talked to is it's it's it could be in a whole umbrella of things as well it could be they're just bringing on another female it could be just one partner has another partner that they're romantically involved with i mean it could be a whole you know there's no real like cut and dry what that relationship could be like but the idea is there's some type of romantic relationship outside of the primary partnership.
Gotcha. Gotcha. OK. Let me do open relationship now. Are you? Oh, sorry. No, no. Yeah. No, I think you reading the definition seems to be working. Open relationship is a marriage or relationship in which both partners agree that each may have sexual relationships with others um I think just like reading this like what's the difference between swinger and an open relationship um it's not real clear however I feel like an open relationship is you do it alone without can like you don't't have to have prior consent. You can do whatever you please. Whereas swinger it's typically done more together.
Yeah. I think, no, I think you're right. I think it is, you know, I get why there's a confusion between swinging and open relationships.
And I think the biggest difference is what the boundaries um are and my understanding of open relationships is you know the the people in the relationship tend to play separately and when they do play separately there tends to be less rules or structure on what they can and can't you know it's it's up to the individual um you know they view um their relationship is you know people you know i it's my it's me it's my body i make the decisions on who i play with and how i play um and it's not really done as a as a couple that's again that's my understanding i could be wrong but yeah well and we tried to you know we've been open about this we tried to have an open relationship like that was our goal starting out was to just see me we live 500 miles apart and we just it just seemed to be like make the most logical sense um and we didn't do very good no and i think that's you know for us anyway without those clear rules and boundaries it it you know the jealousy and the issues and you know like it made communicating more difficult because we didn't know what the rules were so we didn't know like when what was okay and what was not okay you know i mean it was just kind of like you know a wild wild west like it was a free-for-all right and it's yeah like i'm i'm mad but you didn't do anything wrong but but you made me feel jealous and you know like yeah and i don't but you know you didn't really break any rules because we have no rules you know so it's just kind of a it's kind of you're right wild west is like a great way to explain that because you're right it was just like a free-for-all and it didn't work i would be really curious to talk to someone who has an open relationship that is successful and see like um how they manage that I would be very very curious um because like polyamory I could almost get it you know it seems like to me it makes a little bit more sense because like like as a husband and wife oh we want to bring in like a woman to be a part of our relationship and you would almost court them together it would you would be communicating about it the whole time whereas an open relationship it's just you can do whatever you want to do yeah and that that again that seems to be my understanding is open relationships are just just more open and i bet you know you probably could talk to couples in open relationships i bought i bet a lot of them have established rules and boundaries and things i bet so it probably just looks a little different because they're not really focused on doing things as a couple they're probably more focused on doing things as individuals and i think that to me that would be the different biggest difference between between swingers and an open relationship yeah i agree i agree okay so now i think we're going to get into some steps uh for the ways to separate emotions from swinging and from the lifestyle so that we kind of wanted to go over those different relationship types and get people to understand that, that not all non-monogamous people are looking to avoid feelings and love.
Um, certainly in the case of polyamory and some of the other relationship types, um, that they might very purposely be looking for those types of things. But for most swingers, for a swinger that's not poly, um, they, they are trying to avoid, um, emotions or romantic feelings for the people in which they, they play or engage with. Yeah. All right. Um, so let's start. Um, the first kind of way to, to not develop feelings is to seek play partners wanting the same things that you want. Correct. So I think like, if you go back to like some Thank you.
to not develop feelings is to seek play partners wanting the same things that you want. Correct. So I think like if you go back to like some of our red flag episodes that we talk about couples that have red flags, if you are engaging with a couple and maybe the husband starts messaging on the side or like if you start seeing some of those red flags, that is a clear indication that they're probably not wanting the same things that you are wanting. Right. So I think that there's ways to avoid that. I mean, obviously you can be open and honestly, this is what we're interested in.
This is what we want. And people can say all the right things. They can say, oh, we've been married for 30 years we love each other we're just doing this for fun and then but their actions show differently um so I think that's something to just be super mindful of um because obviously if one partner is messaging someone on the site and stuff like that they're probably probably wanting something different than they're saying, right? You know, does that make sense? Like, did I explain that clearly? Yeah, I think you're 100% right.
I think, you know, seeking partners that want the same thing, you know, step one to that, I think, is, you know, when you communicate with them, you know, if they're a poly couple looking for a poly relationship and you're in your swinger looking for a swinger type relationship, well, then they're not looking for the same thing. And maybe you should just should not go even initiate a relationship with them. Right. And then most of the time people get that. Right. Like that's pretty people are open and honest about that. And that's not hard to identify.
I think what you're saying is the part that's harder to identify is people will say, yeah, we are swingers. We're just looking to have fun. You know, we don't want feelings. You know, we've got a solid relationship.
And then as you start to engage with them and communicate with them, one or both of the partners starts to do things that you're like, wait a minute, this isn't like I thought we were chatting in chatting a group why are you messaging me like why are you you know like why are you encouraging me to break rules and boundaries you know and that's where you kind of get into the well everybody's saying that they're looking for the same things but your actions are saying that you're wanting something that i don't want or that me and my wife aren't looking for when i'm gonna throw like a little bit of a wrench in there we've actually played with poly couples um and had a great time um they were honest and open about their what they do um i guess they're probably like a combo like a poly swinger type you know they are what they are polyamorous but however they do engage in swinger activities however like Dan and I know that and we take precautions to protect our marriage our relationship our boundaries with those couples does that make sense like like I probably won't openly engage in communication with the husband just because I don't want them to have the wrong idea like at a party if we want to dance and have fun and then maybe take things a little further that's fine but like we're not going to develop a close relationship where we chat daily with maybe a couple like that we're going to kind of protect our marriage a little bit closer not thinking that they're coming after us like they want to like be polyamorous or they said you know we've never had that that happen but we're just not even gonna go down that road we're not even gonna entertain that yeah no i think that's worth noting that there are we know probably several polyamorous couples yeah we do are also active in the lifestyle in the swinger kind of lifestyle um and for the most part we've we've never had any issues with them crossing they've always been very respectful honestly they're some of our favorite couples uh but you are right that knowing that they are more open to that type of relationship we do make sure that we don't Thank you.
But you are right that knowing that they are more open to that type of relationship, we do make sure that we don't send them the wrong signals that maybe we are too. I think that's what you're saying. Yeah, it is. Exactly.
And that kind of takes us into kind of this step two or not step two, but another way to avoid it is don't be with uh the other couple if you don't want romantic feelings right correct yeah like maybe don't host sleepovers where you're snuggling don't go on separate dates if that you know like it's just like i mean just like if you're actively seeking someone like if you're vanilla and you want to have a romantic relationships all the steps that you do if you are a swinger you don't do those you can still fuck someone and have hot amazing effects and not be like romantically involved with them yeah and I think that's and you do see that and i kind of get it right because it's this like new relationship and it's fun so somebody you know sometimes it's like oh well and maybe it would be fun to go on a date with the other person right and maybe you're not even like purposely trying to like fall into that but like i can see how easy right yeah i think so too yeah especially like something like as simple as a dinner like how fun would it be to get like dressed up and let another man you know take me to dinner I get butterflies I get nervous you know it's almost like a first date um but in like and it would be fun but realistically it's probably not that's probably not beneficial to your, you and I's relationship, you know?
Yeah, I think, you know, like you said, it could, it could be fun, but you're essentially setting yourself up for failure by putting yourself in a situation to develop the very types of feelings that you are trying to avoid in the lifestyle.
now if it's something you're genuinely interested in and you're okay with it right right and i think a lot of that's communication it's bound it's talking to your partner maybe one person is looking for it the other one isn't and you're trying to like sneak one in and be like no we'll just do it and there won't be any feelings and you know i mean like i think that's where that can kind of get jumbled up and messed up. But if you're truly on the same page, and you don't want romantic feelings, going on dates separately, with other couples is probably not a good thing to do.
You know, like you said, cuddling, you know, sleepovers, especially like separate sleepovers, even sleepovers in the same bed, you know, I mean, like all those types of things are kind of setting yourself up um to develop those type of romantic feelings because it's a very i think human beings just naturally when you're close to someone like that you start doing activities like that those feelings are kind of will naturally develop yeah no i totally agree so if you don't want them then you need to avoid the things that would generate those feelings so the next thing is to set clear boundaries rules and expectation which we have been saying that this whole episode um and that's something that you and i have kind of figured out as we went along um one of our big boundaries is we do all communication via group text messaging, group kick, whatever the messaging, you know, app that we use, we do it all through group messaging.
And the reason we do that is to protect our marriage, right? i always say this on tiktok live it's really hard to fall for someone and i'll use that in quotations fall for someone if they if your husband's reading the text messages does that make sense like it's hard for me to like really grasp feelings for someone with you reading it you know like right i probably would overstep Thank you.
for me to like really grasp feelings for someone with you reading it you know like right i probably would overstep and probably push some of those boundaries without if you're not on there it kind of keeps us both accountable it keeps us both in check if i mean is that would you agree disagree am i explaining this correctly no no i think you're right i think i mean i think you're 100 right um it's you know when you know your partner is reading the things you you tend to like make sure make sure that everything you say is something that your partner would be would be comfortable with um and like you know i bet there's probably people that are thinking like well then you don't trust your partner like you know like well i thought you're trying to you know like what do you got you know it's like no we're putting rules in place because i think i do really think that following that it's an easy i don't want to say trap to fall into but but developing feelings is like a natural thing to happen especially you know when when people are attracted to each other So, it's just another another rule to put in place to to safeguard your relationship and you want this other person to like you right you want this other person to find you attractive and want you to think that you're like amazing you want to turn them on so like the messaging is going to be sexual in nature it's going to be flirtatious in nature.
And I just think that without those clear boundaries in place, it can very quickly, those lines can be very gray. I think so too. Um, don't, okay.
So that, and I think we've, you know, we're going to probably keep talking about rules and boundaries um yeah you know and again if if a couple doesn't respect your rules and boundaries uh get you know get away from that um get the fuck out asap yeah even if you like them even you know and that's sometimes gonna be hard because we do develop a lot of friendships and care deeply you know for some of these couples and so separating yourself sometimes can be difficult so yeah yeah that's actually a step later on so i won't we won't get too deep into separate yourself but uh no you're fine we're gonna we'll talk about that more in a second um but the next step we got here is do not don't treat them like your spouse what does that mean to you um there are things i tell you that i wouldn't tell other people there's um there's things that i save just for you sexually emotionally I think there's things that we have between the two of us that just keeps us I don't know united like together that's what that means to me um I also think that means don't go again communication and group messaging protects us against that it i think it'd be real easy to like talk to the other spouse like the other person like oh my god dan didn't take out the dishes today he didn't take out the trash so i think that's like another very easy step to kind of get yourself into um so i think that that also is a part of that.
Yeah. I think don't treat them like your spouse could be a million different things, but, uh, yeah, to me, it's, you know, like you're the person I come to, to tell about my day or about my problems at work about, you know, problems with the kids, you know, um, you know, if you start replacing that person with another person and, and having that kind of connection, I, I, again, feelings could develop and, you know, um, by doing that.
So I think it's, yeah, I think it's important to kind of draw those lines in the sand and say, you know, these things that I do, these are the things that I do just with my spouse, right? These types of communications, these types of conversations, that's what I'm saving for, you know, those are what me and my spouse do. And then, you know, and kind of only, you know, keeping that primary partner, you know, almost like a level above everybody else.
Okay, so the next one um the experience is the focus yeah and so to me that you know that means and i think that's kind of one of the keys to swinging right is swinging is so i think a way for me and my spouse for our in our case me and you, me and Lacey, to experience fun things together, right? That we have all these fantasies, we have all these desires, and a lot of those things we can't do is just a couple with two people. So for us, swinging is a way to go and explore those fantasies, to go have those experiences.
And for us for us you know we focus on what you know what are our our fantasies and ways to go experience those fantasies together and that's kind of for us the whole point of swinging yeah we actually like this is going to be a side note but i think it's worth mentioning we actually had a conversation we were took a long car ride and we actually had the conversation of if we would ever swing like do separate play and one of the points that I brought up to him was the reason that I enjoy swinging is because it's something that we do together it's like kind of like a hobby like for lack of a better word um it's something that you know we get to get dressed up together we get to go out together we get to dance together we get to you know pick out a couple that we like together and I think that like you know doing things separately kind of takes away from that and to me that's what I love about the lifestyle it's us together it brings us closer it makes us communicate more yeah and I and I totally get that and I think you know i wouldn't say i was advocating for separate play or or we were just but to me i have this like you know well to be a you know a purist like i almost wish we could do like be so confident in in in our relationship that we could do things like that.
You know what I mean? But I do also agree with you that for us, you know, having it be where the focus is to experience things together, I think that's a very healthy way to kind of take the lifestyle for us. Yeah, no, I completely agree. I mean, 100%. And you're right.
I mean, and I and i don't i don't disagree again just to go back to that i don't disagree like ideally i think we would get to a point where we can play separately but we choose to play together because it's more fun i think that's like a better way of explaining that right yeah i think that's the way i look at too it's like i don't want it to be that we don't play separately because like we emotionally can't handle it or our relationship can't handle it i think to say well we don't play separately because that's not the experience that we're looking for is kind of a better way to say it and i think honestly even at this point it's kind of a true way of saying it even though I don't know if even if we wanted to if we could I don't think we could I don't think we're there yet I think that we I think we've been like very honest with like the people that listen to our podcast who that follow us on social media that like we fuck up we're still figuring this out like we never claim to be these like swinging experts do we look stuff up online and try to give you our opinions and like what we think will work yes but like we are still learning this too we're holding this together like so i think and i think that honestly is what i think people respect that about us is that we are true and genuine we don't say oh we could totally do that when no one in fact and behind closed doors we can't i think we just i think we own own our faults on what we're good at i agree so i think um now we're going to take a little break um so we can hear from our sponsors uh and then we'll kind of come back and and go over um some more steps okay perfect the swing nation podcast is proud to announce an official partnership with sdc.com sdc stands for Seek, Discover, Connect, and with over 3 million members in over 50 countries, it's the world's largest lifestyle community and a great place to link up with open-minded couples, singles, and kinksters from around the globe.
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Thank you thank you sponsors we love our sponsor so what's the next step the next one is be open and honest which i think being a swinger if you're truly doing it the right way or i mean there's no right or wrong but you know as best as you can i think this comes naturally i think that i think swingers probably do a better job of being And I think that's what swingers probably do a better job of being open and honest than monogamous people because we're learning together we're exploring our sexualities we are exploring our fantasies and I think that this kind of lifestyle makes it easy to be open and honest um however um if you like for instance i take this as if one or the other like i've said this on tiktok live if i ever really started having feelings for someone i would immediately stop stop and tell you.
I mean, I would be like, Dan, I really like him. I'm feeling a certain way. And I just want to communicate that to you. And that's the correct way to do it. The wrong way to do it would be to continue to talk to that person, continue to fall for that person, you know, cross boundaries. Um, so yeah. Yeah. And I think, you know, you know, we've, again, we say that communication is like the crux of swinging, right? If you don't, if you can't communicate to your spouse, um, it's never going to work for you. And I think this being open and honest is sometimes being open and honest to your partner.
It might be hard, right? It might be some awkward conversations. You might have to tell your partner things that are uncomfortable. You might have to tell your partner that you have feelings that, you know, you know, that they're not going to like, you know what I mean? And it might cause an issue or a fight.
But in order for it it to work you have to be able to do that right you have to be able to to have those hard conversations conversations um you know and if your partner is pushing for something and wanting to do something and you aren't comfortable you have to be able to be say like no that's that's something i'm just not comfortable with i can't that's a hard limit for me I can't I can't do that like I you know I appreciate that that's something that you you're into and you want to try but for me at this point in time like I can't you know I mean you have to have to be able to have all those conversations and that's not it's not an easy thing to do yeah no I completely agree I mean I'm kind of not to jump ahead but like the next one is separating it kind of goes with what we're saying separating um if it becomes too much i mean like i think like being you have in order to separate you have to be open and honest right um so i think they kind of go hand in hand, hopefully, anyway, hopefully, you're being honest with your spouse, if, if you do, because, I mean, let's, at the end of the day, let's just, let's just call it what it is, you're fucking other people, right, you're, you're giving them your body, you're flirting with them, you are, you know, I mean, like like emotions can happen right I mean it totally can um so I just think that they kind of go hand in hand um you just have to be very aware of your feelings very aware of your partner's feelings and when if it ever comes down to it just drawing a line in the sand and ultimately choosing your marriage and your partner.
Yeah. And I think it's kind of easy to get caught up in all that, right? Cause right.
You know, like you often will think of the other couple and be like, well, I don't want to hurt their feelings and, or I don't want to come across, but like, make it look like we're crazy or, you know, like, or maybe I'm overthinking this and it's not, you know, they're not actually push you know like you'll have all those feelings but at the end of the day you have to remember that the most important thing in all of this is you and your spouse and your relationship for sure and if if and if you have to hurt somebody's feelings to put your partner first then that's what you need to do yeah and i think if you lose sight of that that's where the cracks start that's where the issues start and at the end of the day this is fun this is a hobby your marriage comes first um we get that question a lot what if one of you ever wanted to stop when did you stop like i mean you, you know, so, so, yeah, I mean, I kind of jumped to your next one.
Sorry, babe. No, no. Yeah. So I think we've kind of already hit this a lot, but, but separate. Right. So if it really becomes too much, if one of you thinks you're developing feelings, if this, you know, or if the relationship becomes toxic and they're, you know, that couple's causing issues with you and your partner, like there could be a million reasons to separate. But the bottom line is if, if that other relationship, you know, cause even swinging, it's still a relationship, right? It might not be a romantic relationship, but it is a relationship.
If a relationship with another couple starts causing issues for you and your partner, you have to separate it. You have to separate from them. I totally agree. And that's, it's not easy to do. And, you know, it's, it can cause hurt feelings. It can, it can kind of, you know, we say the lifestyle is a journey, right? And it can be a rollercoaster at times when there's highs and lows and there's, you know, hard communication and, you know, you can it can create friction points in your relationship. But you have to remember that your primary partner is your primary partner for a reason.
And even, you know, as much as you might, you know, feel for this other couple, your primary partner comes first. Yeah, totally agree. OK, so the next one is stay connected with your partner i think we've like pretty much touched on it every one of these um but yeah i mean like obviously communicate um a ton um still make time for one other you and I have actually probably struggled a little bit with this because swinging and all of this has become so much a part of our lives.
Sometimes what, if we have free time, it's, it's, we're working or swinging or, so, you know, making time to go on dates as a couple, making time, you know, for each other, make sure that you don't just have sex when you're swinging, make sure you have a good, healthy, active sex life. I think it all, I mean, this is supposed to enrich your life, not take away from your marriage.
yeah no and i i think that is key to remember and i think it's something that you may be a lot of newer couples fall into the you know once you get into the lifestyle and it's so fun and you're you know like it's exciting and you know you know having experiences with new couples is exciting and you can easily fall into like where every weekend you're hanging out with other couples and doing all these things and but you got to remember like you have to nurture the relationship that you're in now and if you don't take time to go on dates to hold hands to to have sex with your partner you know i mean like why are you doing right exactly you're enhancing that relationship but you have to maintain that relationship at the same time correct um and i you know it can i can see why you know maybe you can slack in that department once once you kind of start going down you know the rabbit hole of the lifestyle because it is so well and think about it like a lot of people have children and jobs and you know their kids have sports and whatever it's hard to get away it's hard to get a night alone and you also you have to make time to be alone and then you also have to make time for swinging so i can see i can see how that could be hard especially if you're in the season of life with children so that you You know, I think that's why you do see a lot of older swingers because they have the time to devote to it.
They don't have small children at home, you know. So I definitely think that's something, I mean, you should do that monogamous or non-monogamous. That shouldn't matter.
But definitely in a non-monogamous relationship, you want your spouse to feel loved and appreciated and like they're your number one yeah a hundred percent i think a hundred percent agree and i definitely think that's an area that we probably could look to improve in oh for sure i mean because like let's be honest swinging is fun and enjoyable but it has become a business for us right you know just has um and so it it's like let's be honest swinging is fun and enjoyable but it has become a business for us right you know it just has um and so it it's hard to separate life work business you know it's it's hard so yeah we definitely I mean do we spend a ton of time alone yeah do we but like actually like going out to dinner and not looking at our phones and not posting on social media and just being present in each other's lives yeah it's something that we could we could improve on yeah i agree uh all right so the next step is avoid swinging with friends this should be like red flag we have so many people that have told us horror stories uh to hook up with the neighbor or you know rather it be a vanilla person or not uh it's just it's hard um it's hard to separate friendships I think the best friendships come from swinging partners but you got to do it in the correct order one you fuck up and up.
And then two, you become their friends. If you do it the opposite way around, I think it blurs lines and boundaries. It's hard to swing with a friend. Yeah. And I don't know if I really understand why exactly. Cause like what you said, a lot of our, our swinger friends are some of our best friends. So it's, it is, I don't know if I really understand why when you start out as swingers and then become friends, it seems to be a healthier relationship than when you start out as friends.
I don't know, but I swear we could, we could interview like 10 couples that we know that have tried to hug up with their friends or did hug up with their friends and it turned into an absolute fucking nightmare. Yeah. And I, I think if I had to like, take a stab at why that, why that is what I would say is it's probably because swingers know the rules already, right?
They know that the boundaries they know you know like if you start out as swing swinging you kind of starting out on a common ground of of what the expectations are whereas if especially if you start out with friends especially vanilla friends you know you probably don't have those types those boundaries and and rules that you probably don't understand. So it's probably much more of a chaotic situation. Maybe we should do a podcast on that because that in itself could be a whole damn podcast. Yeah, so the last one is swinging is for everyone. Probably could.
Don't do it if it's too much for your relationship. Oh, did I read it wrong? Yeah, that note was supposed to say swinging isn't for everyone. Oh, it's totally not for everyone. A thousand percent. I was kind of wondering what you were saying about that, but I was dealing with it, babe. I was committed. Right. Support your partner. Yeah. No, it's supposed to say isn't for everyone.
Yeah, it's definitely not for everyone not not in the least little bit um it takes a lot of skill it takes a lot of communication it takes forgiveness because you're gonna fuck up along the way um it just i don't know it's If you can do it though it is rewarding and fun and um i suggested yeah and that's i think that it's a it's a you know like to just say that it's not for everyone and so if you start down the road of non-monogamy and you start to realize it causing a bunch of friction it's causing a bunch of issues it's causing you know problems in your relationship and it's not fun for you then get the fuck get the fuck out of it like stop doing it you know i mean like there's no point you know like it's supposed to enhance your relationship it's supposed to enhance your communication it's supposed to enhance your sex life um if it's not doing those things maybe it's not for you and and maybe you need to go back to monogamy or do something different yeah no totally agree um well maybe it's just not the right season in your life you know like you know maybe like because honestly me 20 or not 20 years ago I would have been 17 but but 10 years ago um I would not I was not in a mental place to be um I my my husband was not monogamous but I wasn't I was completely monogamous um it took a lot of growing up and looking at relationships and looking at myself and stuff to really understand, um, that sex can be fun without emotions and can be hot as hell to watch your husband with someone else.
Um, so as you see, you know, it may not be the right time for you. If it's something that you're really interested in and, but you, you find you're struggling, just pause, pause, give it some time, do more research. I agree. I think that's all those, all that is. And I think that's, you know, I think there's going to be people that listen to this and people that try this and, and are like, well, I don't get it.
Like, why it like why like you know like everybody makes this look so great why why are we struggling like why are we having issues i think what you're saying if it if it doesn't work for you um maybe it's not for you or maybe it's just not the right time in your relationship to do this and so the best probably solution for you would be to to go to not do it and go back to monogamy you know until you're ready or until you reach a different chapter of your life totally agree a thousand percent so and I mean like even us we've talked about it like as our life gets busy there's times where you know swinging kind of gets put on the back burner a bit you know we focus more of our family or on our kids and and that's pretty common in the lifestyle a lot of our friends do that like if they have kids graduating from high school or if it's sports season or or somebody's sick some you know somebody's got obstinatory it's not uncommon to pause and take a step back and that's not it's definitely not frowned upon in the lifestyle nope nope we hate we see it all the time and i think it's honestly that's a healthy a healthy thing to do i can respect that a lot more than than other things yeah uh okay i think with i think you got anything else on how not to fall in love how to avoid feeling that's really good like i feel like i have a lot of really good talking points now so thank you babe thanks i'll save this note so that way people ask me i know what to say now um you did a good job on that i i appreciate your notes but yeah i mean i think we kind of also i guess let me add one also a mindset.
Can I put that in there? Like, if I could end on something, when I was a unicorn, I was single and mingling and having so much fun.
And I was kind of in the mindset that if I fell for someone or, you know, or met someone that I really like, regardless, married, not, I think that was kind of irrelevant it's just a blanket term that I was open to love I was open to finding my forever and I personally had developed feelings as a unicorn I've been pretty honest with that with you with people that listen to our podcast um I think because I love myself to be right like I I didn't have clear boundaries I was single I you know it was just easy to fall for people and I probably fell for quite a few of the husbands I mean did I want to like run away with them and get married no but I definitely had feelings of emotion and and you know and I think the difference now is I think my I've cut that I've closed that you know I don't I don't want that that's not something I'm interested in I found my forever I found my partner so I'm not looking for that so I think that like that's probably like a self-reflection thing if you're getting into the lifestyle and you find yourself catching emotions and catching feelings like maybe there's a bigger problem right yeah i think that's i think that's a good couple of people that you've heard i can think of one off the top of my head that they fell in love i use loving quotation marks with multiple people over their swing i don't career path i don't know what the correct term is but they fell in love with multiple people like to me if you're falling in love with people like there's probably a bigger problem right yeah no i think i think that's it's you know if you truly are in a relationship that you want to be in and you're happy and you're not looking for anything else um i think it's pretty like for me it it just seems really natural not to develop those feelings for anybody else um because like you're saying i'm not even thinking about i'm not even it's not even in my brain when i we engage with other couples um but you know if it is something you're looking for um obviously i think you'll you'll act and do different things and that's that's kind of you know go listen to the red flag episode if you haven't done that and those are kind of some of the things to look out for um but yeah i think that's good all right should we want to go over some of the some of the notes for yes things we got coming up we have lots of fun things going on and we have podcast of palooza which is in june correct yeah so let's um so today is thursday which literally means lacy's probably on her way to atlanta um for uh the the oh you want to go in the order of dates is that what we're doing yeah i might not put this in the notes but the lock and keep party at trapeze is this saturday um so if you are in the atlanta area and you want to come out to club trapeze in atlanta and party with me and lacy and a lot of the other tiktok influencers that are part of our swinger society I don't know.
So if you are in the Atlanta area and you want to come out to Club Trapeze in Atlanta and party with me and Lacey and a lot of the other TikTok influencers that are part of our Swinger Society, please come out. You can visit our website, swingersociety.net, and you can get all the information on that event. And then, yeah, the next event after this weekend is the Podcast of Palooza, which, unfortunately, we aren't attending personal events. But we do know Life of Spice is going to be there. Wanderlust Swingers, Kate, is going to be there. I think there's a few other.
It's Podcast of Palooza because there's a bunch of other podcasters that are going to be there it looks like i'm really bummed we're not going to go i know it looks like an amazing event um if you want to get signed up for that you can also find the ways of buying tickets through swingers society.net yep okay so after that we have naughty in new orleans which is um in obviously new orleans to last six through tents we are pretty freaking excited this is our first naughty new orleans um i actually watched a dateline episode somebody had shared from youtube on naughty new orleans you and i have not talked about this i meant to send it to you but it was actually really really cool and it makes me even more excited to go yeah i can't wait we've been talking about going to naughty new orleans forever um so the fact that we're actually going to get there this year i'm super excited about um and we do have you can sign up for that event through swingersociety.net yep you can after that we have secret sensation hotel takeover in october it's going to be their halloween party we will be in philadelphia is that correct yes it's in philadelphia pa yeah which is the first time we've done really anything up north um so a good opportunity if you are in the northern half of the u.s to come out and meet us we're going to teach a couple of classes um we'll be there in our best um halloween costumes i'm excited yeah and i didn't put it on this list because it isn't up on the website yet but in august we do have our one-year podcast bash at secrets highway resort in florida i won't tell you the dates yet because um it's not up and uh i don't want you to buy the tickets until we have them available on the website but end of august we'll be at secrets so if you're if you're in that area if you want to come see us hang out with us for our one-year podcast anniversary um definitely stay stay tuned all that information will be posted on the website both the swing nation.net and swingerssociety.net so stay tuned.
All that information will be posted on the website, both the swing nation.net and swingers society.net. So stay tuned for that. And then you're right. We have the Halloween party with a secret sensations in October. I think it's the 21st and 22nd in Philly PA. That's going to be a blast. And then the next thing we really have, which we just got contracted is the cruise. We are people can buck it, which is like really a big deal. Thank you.
and then the next thing we really have which we just got contracted is the cruise we are people can book it which is like really a big deal so like backstory we were contacted by a company who wanted to host a lifestyle friendly cruise and so we are doing a partial takeover of the cruise um it's really affordable. If you are lifestyle or non-lifestyle, I think this is a fun cruise because you will have vanilla people there. So if you really just want to meet us and come check everything out and kind of watch, that's kind of it.
This might be the perfect opportunity for you because during the day, we're going to be hanging out at the pool, doing the excursions, doing all the fun things at night. We will have private parties that we will be having. Of course, we're going to have all the themes like we always do. It's going to be a good time. I'm excited. Yeah, I think it's very good.
Yeah, like if you're new, because we're going we're gonna have panels we're gonna have discussions um but then yeah we'll also have parties playrooms um you know we're gonna teach you know some of the you know maybe we'll have a naughty toy night or uh you know uh we haven't kind of ironed out all the details we're still kind of have to go back and forth in the cruise line for what events are exactly going to happen when but um and it definitely is happening and if you want to get signed up for that and get more information just search that pineapple cruise on facebook uh and all the latest and greatest will be posted on that website and um then we'll also get it up on our websites too so that you can go and purchase tickets yeah so we're excited lots of really fun amazing things coming out the um the cruise is we do it's not like an unlimited amount of room so we do only have a you know a certain amount so if that's something that you know you want to do go ahead and get booked once you know we have sold out of our rooms we will definitely try to add more but if that's something that you know you want to do go ahead get signed up because it's gonna be a good time yeah and there is uh you can put a down payment and there's a payment plan option so you don't have to pay it all up front so that's nice yeah totally agree all right what do you think babe how did this how did this go this remote i mean we had i don't know we had a few airplanes take off we had some trains go by we did my mom called yeah so honestly it might be a shit show video just know that we've kind of had a hell of a leak like if you know you know and the fact I just honestly didn't want to drive six hours to record a one-hour podcast so please give us grace and know that we are you know we are just trying and hopefully Dan doesn't spend three hours editing this and get frustrated i think i'll be okay we'll get it done it's what we do all right well i think with that in a world full of apples be the pineapple be the pineapple guys who love you bye bye Thank you.
If you want to see more of our content, you can find links to Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, OnlyFans, and more in the show notes. Come join the conversation with us and other Swinger content creators on our Swinger Society Discord server. If you have questions or feedback, email them to us at theswingnation at gmail.com. Make sure you head on over to theswingnation.net and keep up to date on all things Swing Nation. We thank you so much for joining us and we'll see you next time. Goodbye.
