Send us Fan MailThe Swing Nation PodcastLifestyle Education: Swinger RED FLAGS | Episode 21In this swinger podcast episode, Dan and Lacy talk about red flags in the swinger community. They give examples of red flags and how to recognize and avoid them. They offer key insight on how to identify fakes, flakes and drama couples in the lifestyle. They share personal experiences where they have failed to recognize the red flags and made their own mistakes. Tune in to learn about red flags in the lifestyle! _______________ - The Swing Nation - Main Website Quick Navigation Website: -- (Find all our social media links more!) Follow us on Facebook! The Podcast Website_______________ - Swinger Society - Our Website to meet, connect events Swinger Society Discord Our Facebook Group_______________ - Swinger Websites - SDCUsername: TheSwingNation** Use code 36313 for 14 days free! ** SLSUsername: NorthernGuynSouthernGirl_______________ - Merch More - The Swing Nation Merch The Swinger Pride Flags Swinger Society Merch_______________ - Lacy’s Fun Links - VIP OnlyFans PREMIUM OnlyFans _______________ -- THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS -- Shameless Care: ED Medication and at home STD testingUse Code TSN at checkout for $30 off your order! Promescent® Make Love Longer, It’s Time for Great SexUse Code SwingNation for 5% off! Pinaq Liqueur; The Official Drink of The Swing NationUse Code TSN at checkout for 15% off! Non-monogamy Couples Course and Single Guy Mastery CourseUse Code ATLANTA for 50% off!Support the show- Thank you for the support! -
Transcript
This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18, it contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice. welcome to the swing nation, a podcast by swingers for swingers, where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle.
Come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe, interview the experts, learn and grow together join the nation hey there pineapple people and welcome to the swing nation podcast i'm your host northern guy and southern girl and uh it's It is. We're at Secrets. We are. We're partying it up. Well, we're getting there. We're partying. It's 5 a.m. This podcast comes at 5 a.m. Yeah, it's early. So technically. Oh my gosh, I'm so tired. We're not at Secrets, but we're on our way. Yeah. We're ready for a great weekend.
But as our voices hit your ears, we are at Secrets Hideaway Resort with the Swing Talk crew partying it up. Yes. It's going to be such a great weekend. All right. You're right. It's Thursday. So we're on our way to Secrets. That's what you're saying. Yeah. It's 5 a.m. This comes out at 5 a.m. Yeah. So you're right. I'm in the car. You're on an airplane. Correct. We're traveling to Secrets.
It's our travel day travel day yeah we're going down a day early that's right because we gotta get ready yeah we gotta go ready for all the stuff and Disney right so if you're hearing this it's Thursday you still got time yeah you can if you're near Orlando if you're near Kissimmee Florida yeah you can come over to Secrets Highway and party with us yeah even if you don't want to come for the weekend, they do sell day passes. I got a car full of stuff. I got some Panac. I got swinger flags. I got t-shirts. I got SDC giveaways. Only fan giveaways. Only fan. I got neon signs. I got all the stuff.
Yep. We're about to party it down. What are you doing with your life if you're not on your way to Secrets Hideaway? What do you have planned that's better than what we're about to throw down and do this weekend no it's gonna be fun it's gonna be a fun time it's gonna be a good a good good time yeah and uh we're very much it's actually it's like we're recording this like a week ahead of time but we are we are recording this ahead of time we got you yeah we Yeah. We're excited. Very, very excited.
Um, so this week's episode, you know, when we have to record a one or two in advance, sometimes we have to like ask for help. We're like, okay guys, what do you want to talk about? Like, tell us what you want to hear. And Sarah from Snapchat messaged me and said, red flags. Can you do a podcast on red flags for swingers? Stuff to look out for, you know, just help us out. So I brought that to Dan. I was like, what do you think? And he was like. I was like, there's no way we can do a whole podcast episode on red flags. There's not that much to talk about. There is.
And then we started putting notes on a paper. And I was like, oh, my God. There's so much to talk about. Well, I did. After we decided we were doing red flags, I did go to Snapchat and say, okay, tell me some red flags that you've seen. Because, I mean, Dean and I can only go on our experiences, right? I mean, like, we do hear stuff from other people. So I wanted Snapchat, like, followers or people to give me their red flags that they've ran into. So they definitely sent some, and then obviously we put the ones that we knew. Yeah, I think most of theirs were right in line with what.
Yeah, they were. I don't think there was too many we got from them that were like, oh, I don't know. I've never experienced that. Yeah, yeah. It's like, oh, yeah, oh, yeah. Forgot about that one. Yeah. Thank you. They were really spot on. So thank you.
So Snapchat is like like if you're not on my snapchat please add me that's really um they kind of follow along with my day in and day out like tonight i went and got chinese food and i snapchat getting chinese food um i kind of if i need quick responses or quick answers or stuff like that that's really where i go for that so if you want to you know help me with the podcast or help dan and or want to kind of see the behind the scenes definitely add me on snapchat so you can stay in the loop on all this yeah and if they want to see the behind the behind the scenes they can add you to the special yes i do have i have two snapchats especially with you're on your way to secrets right now yeah that that's about to get wild it is so i have regular snapchat which is free and then i have what i call members only snapchat um it is a fee and you basically see like the goods you see all the behind the scenes all the behind the unedited yeah version so if if that's something that you're interested in also if you really just want to communicate with me um it's hard for me to i can give like one more responses or quickly you know i try really hard to be helpful as much as i can on the free snapchat but genuinely if you just want to chat and want to get to know me and ask questions and really want to advise the paid one i mean obviously i'm going to provide the most attention to the people that are paying me so that's right yeah so that's just a side note yeah add me on that and then also the uh if you want to see the behind the scenes uh only fans is another another option yeah and all that information is in the show notes so if you're interested in that uh certainly check it out for sure yeah okay let's talk we got a little sidetracked, but we're talking red flags.
We are. And this is a good topic because I think, you know, if you're new or maybe even experienced in the lifestyle, you've been around for a while, maybe you don't know about some of these. Maybe you haven't experienced. So, learn from what we've learned in some of the other swingers that we've talked to. Yeah. I mean, most of these things we have personally experienced. Hell, some of them, like we were making the list to do the podcast, and we were like, we've done that. You know, I mean, you know, we're not perfect. We have our moments, too. So definitely, you know, learn from us.
Take our advice.
You know, I mean, again, like we we say every podcast this is just our opinion like and again like we said we've done some of these red flags so they're not end-all be-alls it doesn't mean that if someone does any of these things they're not good swingers they could just be having an off night um yeah we're all human um that's one cool thing i do love about the lifestyle if you i think it's back our halloween episode when we talk about that couple that we played with that we left in the middle they had we there's every every red flag there was it was waving that night but we still would play with them again uh yeah i think so i mean because we did play with them again because swingers are people and we have off nights and we have emotions and sometimes you get jealous and sometimes shit happens shit happens you know and it's all in how you deal with it especially you know if alcohol and things like that are involved for sure things can things can happen yeah for sure i mean dan and i are kind of with the flow people.
So, I mean, as long as you're not a complete dickhead, we'll pretty much work with you. Yeah, we'll give you a second chance. Yeah. As long as you extend that same courteous to us. Because sometimes. We have our masks. Sometimes, you know, we end up peeing on beaches and passing out on couches. I'm sorry. Do you not do anything wrong, mister? No, never.
never oh i love how you named off all of the things that i did oh wow okay let's move you're the problem child let's move along see red flag number one there you go right there no just well kind of kind of kidding yeah we might talk about that a little bit um so let's start then this is in no particular order no we just kind of randomly if we were me and lacy were talking and going through the snapchat texts and we kind of wrote all these down so it's not like in order of precedent or anything but um these are definitely some red flags to be aware of and to look out for so red flag number one lacy yeah tell it to me when the partner is not in the chat or can't chat Let's do that.
So red flag number one, Lacey. Yeah. Tell it to me. When the partner is not in the chat or can't chat. So let's say, for example, the husband has made the chat with us. And this is the most common is it is the husband that is chatting and the wife that can't. Correct. It could go either way. It could go either way.
We've experienced it's usually the husband um the husband is the one doing the chatting the wife never even joins the chat um of course he has all the pictures right he's gonna share all the hot pictures but she's just not there i've actually personally met someone who used to have a couple they had a couple's profile but they were divorced they weren't even together and he was just using it as a couple's but he was technically a single male so definitely keep your eye out for that yeah so what we're talking about here is sometimes you will be contacted by a couple and on sls sdc one of the swinger websites tinder whatever platform you're using and um and they once you start talking to them there's just one partner the other partner doesn't seem to to exist um so typically what's going on here is the wife or the other spouse doesn't exist or doesn't know that their partner is a swinger.
Like it doesn't they're not aware of this platform that they're on. Correct. And so this person will chat with you. They'll send you pictures of them and their wife. They'll they'll act like they're going to meet up. They might, you know, they're going to come up with a lot of excuses for why their wife can't text. Oh, she's busy at work or she's with the kids or she's not good with technology. But last week in our podcast, we did talk about sometimes one of the members of a couple may not be able to text that often. Like they have a job or something. And this is a different situation.
never even joined this person doesn't seem to exist and even if even maybe even they might even pulled another kick into the chat but that doesn't mean you know if they're not chatting it can become kind of obvious yeah um another thing that this couple will this couple will do is they're always going to come up with excuses why they can't meet right like you know if they're like hey we're freeside oh we can't you know like they're going to keep kind of pushing it off because they don't have a partner to meet you with yeah but do you remember back in our bull and unicorn podcast you told the story of meeting with a wife it happened to me yeah you um it ended up working out for you worked out great for me but but she was doing the thing that we're talking about yes um and they actually were a well from what she told me they were actually a real swingers couple and i know they were she met she sent me pictures of them on a bliss cruise and stuff so i know they were real swingers but but when she messaged me she gave me the impression that she was allowed to meet guys on her own and her husband was just busy come to find out later on he didn't know he had no idea she was yeah and i think you find that a lot with guys i but and sometimes like if you if you want single males you have to make sure that they're not married i mean if that's something that is important if you and care I get that some people don't care, and that's fine.
No judgment there. But there are a lot of single guys or married guys who present themselves as single male on the swinger abs. So depending on your comfort level with that, that might be something that kind of goes along with this.
it's not it's a little bit different you know because they're not presenting themselves as a married man where some of these are but just definitely a red flag something to keep your eye out so they're going to make excuses why they can't meet you as a couple and a lot of times what they'll do is offer to meet you as a single or eventually they'll be like well what about like my wife's really busy but would you be would you entertain just me coming over tonight or just me me maybe me getting to know you you know like just to break the ice like if you're into single males or i guess single females if but it's just your the odds of it happening the other way around are so slim right but it did happen to me yeah it did um if that's something that you're into this may not be a red flag this may be fine for you but it's just something to be aware of yeah me personally i'd rather they present themselves honestly like yeah even if you're married and you're you're having sex and your wife doesn't know just say that just say that they're playing couples that will still play with you especially if you're an attractive good you know if you're a hot unicorn and call us yeah uh people are judging us right now but uh i mean to be fair i think both of our opinion is what goes on between you and your spouse between you and your that's not in my bit like i can't force you to be a good husband or a good wife or you know i mean yeah that's kind of how we look at that's how we look at it but i get not everybody's on the same page as us but what we're telling you is if you encounter you're going if you're in the lifestyle for more than a week you're probably going to encounter this couple where the other one of the spouses most likely the wife just seems to not exist yeah or doesn't even know right maybe she does exist she just doesn't have a clue right and likely uh the case is that's a that's a cheating husband yeah or that most likely or cheating wife you know it could go that way but that's that's what you're encountering in there definitely a red flag um i think we've kind of laid out what they're gonna do yeah um so if you are experiencing that currently or if you encounter that in the future, just know, learn from us.
That is a person that's not being honest. Okay, so moving on. Red flag number two, older pictures. Old pictures. This is a huge thing in a lifestyle. Okay, but here's the thing. To be honest with you, this could be us. I've cleaned up our pictures. Oh, you have? Okay.
but before you cleaned up some of our pictures some of them were several years old before covid i'm not talking about yeah we all know what happened during covid i think for me anyway i can understand if if you have a picture on your sls or sdc or whatever your profile that you're 10 pounds heavier now than you were then some of these pictures are from 1997 let's be honest like some of these older couples you know they're taking pictures of like printed out picture you know like the old like they're not a digital photo they're taking a digital photo of a of a hard copy photo and and it has the date stamp in the bottom corner and it says 1997 yeah and this is a sidebar to that but your your date of birth like you don't put your date of birth you put the year it doesn't automatically update so if you see somebody has a five-year-old profile unless they went in there and manually fixed that that they might have been yeah yeah it could be however many years off or they could be lying or they could be lying we've ran we've ran into that quite a few times especially with females but definitely pictures being out of date is a red flag i mean they might just be it might be something as simple as they're just self-conscious about the way they look i mean it could be something more i don't i don't know yeah and i'm not against you know so if you're a couple in your 50s and you want to post a couple hot pictures of when you in your 30s, I think I'm okay with that as long as you're not trying to present that that's you now.
And there are couples where they'll have current pictures of them now and they'll have pictures of them 10, 20 years ago. And I'm perfectly fine with that. But I think what I'm talking about for the red flags is these couples that they're using pictures from 20 years ago and trying to pretend like that's what they look like now so a suggestion that i would give you is once you start your kick or however you're communicating via text whatever um there's ways to get pictures i know some apps selfie test them some apps do and some people actually say i need a live video or i need.
There is definitely, we're not really that couple. We're not like, send us a video. However, there's ways to get stuff like that without being that direct. I mean, like, if they're out to dinner, they could snap, you know, be like, oh, send us a picture of y'all out to dinner. They could, you know, they can see it. Right, yeah, we're going out tonight. Oh, send us a picture of, you know, your outfits. Yeah, yeah, there's ways that you can. Or you initiate, right?
going out tonight oh send us a picture of what you know your outfits or yeah yeah there's ways that you can or you initiate right you say you send them yeah we're just laying in bed tonight and you send them a picture of you laying in bed right yeah so the implied task here is we've sent you a picture of us currently right now you should probably respond with something similar right and there is a way in kick if you're using it if you take the photo within the kick app it does somehow tell you that it was taken yeah i think it says live or in the bottom corner it does something that shows that it's a lot of yeah so there's definitely ways a lot of the newer apps and newer swinger things like three fun app has photo verify um i don't SLS and SDC don't, they're a little bit you know we've talked about but again the certs kind of give you an idea yeah if you don't know what you're talking about so on a lot of these websites there are places that you can go within your profile where other couples that you've been with can leave you a certification an amazon review yeah yelp review yeah um and so if you have a question about a couple like if you want to see if a couple's legit you could definitely check those out but like i don't think we've had any new certs in years that's true we haven't it's not that we've met plenty of new people yeah it's just not everybody goes in there yeah i mean at this point i mean we're on tiktok we're on if you don't know what we look like yeah good luck you're not paying attention but uh we're posting shit everywhere every day so um but definitely uh i think if you are a couple keep your photos somewhat i get that photos can get a year or two um out of date but uh you definitely want um you don't want to misrepresent yourself um to other couples but i mean like obviously if i took a picture a year ago if i'm looking damn good it's going to be up there in the first one yeah i mean i'm just right yeah i think there's you know we we all understand that we want to present ourselves in the best light there's a difference between a good picture and you're catfishing somebody.
You know what I mean? Yeah. There's a difference there. I think where the red flags come is the catfishing people or photos that are super old or things like that. Yeah. So to piggyback on that, red flag number three is when you see a profile or when you're talking to a couple and like you only see the wife like like you might see one picture of the husband and 10 of the wife nine times out of the 10 that's because the husband is not attractive and the wife is gorgeous, which is very, very common. Why is that so common in the lifestyle?
Where are these dudes finding all these hot girls that want to be swingers? Like, I mean, where did you find me, babe? I mean, I would, I mean, I'm not saying I'm not, I'm not saying you're not way hotter than me, but I'm also not ashamed to show my pictures. You know what I mean? No, I'm just speaking. You're so handsome.
No, but I mean, like, we all, if you've been around swinging for any amount of time you know what couple we're talking about like the husband like a little chubby zero pictures zero pictures like none like if you're scrolling through there and you're like oh she's very very attractive and you're like wait where is he like you never see him at all but it shows that she's married there is a reason why she's not, she's not showing him or he's not showing him. Yeah. Whoever made that profile.
And I mean, honestly, you might not even realize it until you start chatting or you, or you even meet them. I mean, like, I mean, we've met couples that like the husband was really short really short. You know, or, like, pictures can be deceiving. They just can. It's just a red flag. I mean, it just is. Or, again, they're old, you know, like, pictures, you know, like. Or they're just of their face. You're looking at the pictures, and this guy has a whole nice head of hair, and then you meet him, and he's bald, and it's like, wait a minute. Like, what the fuck?
Because he has hats on in every picture you've seen, you have no idea yeah you know or vice versa i mean there's just so many things that pitchers and so when it comes to pitchers and red flags there's just so many there's just there it is yeah so i i think for you know for all the picture stuff the best way to try to get when you start chatting with a couple on kick or texting or whatever you end up doing try to get try to extend do some picture exchanges and try to get live pictures so to speak yeah so you can kind of get an idea that sums up all of that so that you don't walk into a situation where you're disappointing getting something that you're not expecting yeah so So moving along, some are like the more serious red flags.
Sure.
yeah so moving along some are like the more serious red flags sure um when the husband or wife we we always go to the husband those damn men you know it's always the man's fault but well to be fair it's it's always the man's more common than it is starts a side conversation dan and i have experienced this so much it's gotten better yeah it has gotten better because i think it's because we well and i think it's part of it's because we have couples now that we're we're more consistent with we're not finding a lot of new couples nowadays so so it was very very common when dan and i first started out for the husband to message me on the side and say, hey, you know, how are you?
You're so beautiful. You know, whatever. It doesn't really matter what they say. But they message you on the side. And if you know anything about us, you know our boundaries are we communicate all together.
And I feel like once that man crosses that line it's very hard to go back can you steer it back yeah but it shows their true character right and you don't really want to associate with people right and to be fair like there are there are couples that are perfectly fine and enjoy texting one-on-one and separately from their their partner we make it very clear when we um reach out and talk to couples that we like to communicate in group we don't want you know we don't want sidebar conversations we we want to do everything in group chat so when we tell that to a couple and then a day or two later a week later a dude starts messaging and sometimes it's a girl you know it's not always a dude but sometimes it's a girl but when one of them starts messaging the other one on the side and trying to start a side conversation and sometimes they do it semi-innocently like like oh hey i just wanted to message you and ask like you know what kind of alcohol does she like or you know like and it's like what that's why couldn't you have asked that in the group you know i mean and then they'll be like oh i just i think i want to tell you that i think you're really sexy you know like and then they're trying to they're trying to weasel their way in that's all it is i mean we've even had not even in take this a little step further we've had couples pull me to the side in person and do this as well another red flag and and if this happens to you immediately tell your partner because if like this happened to dan and i one time that i know actually more than once but one time that i can think of off the top of my head we were dancing and he kind of pulled me to the side and was like so when dan's out of town who takes care of you and the second i can get down alone i immediately told him because had i not told you that kind of mean would make me guilty by guilty yeah because i wasn't communicating that with you and so i think those are all just like super red flags in my opinion they're looking to cheat they're looking to do something and and maybe they're not and maybe they are being innocent but it sure doesn't look good it's not a good look yeah no it you know again if a couple spells out their boundaries to you and then you purposely violate one that's that's you just killed your relationship with us that's the like ultimate red flag yeah that you're yeah so it's something to be aware of.
Unfortunately, I think, again, if you're around the lifestyle for long enough, it's going to happen. But like Lacey's saying, the best way to deal with that is to tell your partner that it happened and then cut ties. And that's what we've done for the most part.
We do have a couple of couples, like like even now i can think of one off the top of my head that every so often the husband will message me it's always innocent it's never anything inappropriate however every time he does it i immediately tell you yeah i immediately say hey yeah i guess you know because you know i know all our friends listen our friends that we've been friends with for years and, you know, like our actual friends with and, you know, yeah, there's some blurred lines that were, you know, I can think of a few couples where if the guy text you, I'd be perfectly fine with it, would never blink an eye, wouldn't even worry about it.
Yeah, it's more for these new couples that we're encountering and dealing with. Correct. So our lifelong friends, I don't care if they text you every single day. You know what I mean? Yeah, we definitely integrated our lifestyle friends into our everyday friends. I mean, they just are. They absolutely are. So, yeah, there are times where you would talk to the wife or vice versa. But you're not. Well, because some of these people were planning birthday parties. We're doing surprise parties. You know, there's all this stuff going on. But the conversations are not sexual in nature.
Like if you were like, hey, gorgeous, good morning, how are you? That'd be different. They're more like, hey, I wear a small t-shirt. Can you bring me one to the event? I mean, so it's how you look at it. So, yeah, that's very good.
I'm glad you made that so yes some of at this stage in our swinging career as you get mad at me for saying but we definitely blur some of those lines however if we are just meeting a couple on kick we take we go out to dinner with them we tell them our boundaries and they clearly step over them and and try to do this that is a red flag absolutely yep what's next babe this is this is a very common one the over seller or over promising or over the hyping themselves up yeah couple or dude it's always the dude this is the guy that's i'm gonna rock your world i have a big dick and i'm gonna you know like you've never experienced this before and i'm gonna make you come all night long oh i hate that guy those guys they never come through no so i i struggle with this all the time because like i don't know i just feel like i don't get me wrong.
We have a handful of guys that we play with that are couples that the guys are amazing, right? But every so often, I feel like you get this guy and he's just, like, overselling. He's just going to do all these things. And lo and behold, I fall for it. And I'm like, oh, yeah, I can't wait. It's going to, he's going to rock my world.
And then it happens and it's like you know and like and it's always those guys so the guys that are self-hyping them up and talking it's always the ones that do bad right the guys that are just go you know like just normal conversation and not really you know like you know like flirting and stuff but you know then all of a sudden they surprise you but it's these guys you know if you're overcompensating and talking yourself up and about how awesome there's a reason why you're doing that probably because yeah you're self-conscious about yeah and to be honest with you if those guys hadn't done that and just had just been normal everyday guys wouldn't have been disappointed i wouldn't have been disappointed but because they had set themselves up to be this like amazing like fireworks and like butterflies are going to come out and like birds are going to chirp and all this stuff and like but then it just doesn't happen and i'm like so guys don't do it a lot of times i mean you know sometimes the guys that can't even get hard like or don't even get.
You know what I mean? Correct. They can't even do anything with it. So, again, if you have that. Again, no judgment. Take a pill. Yeah, no judgment. But don't sell it. Most guys have all been there. Yeah. But don't oversell yourself. And ladies especially, because I don't think that ladies oversell themselves much.
But if you hear of a guy that is doing this do not do not get your hopes up because this is a red flag you're gonna be disappointed yeah you're gonna be sitting over there you know how like last week we were talking about you're cheering on your partner because you're gonna be sitting there pissed off like no you gotta come over here and finish me now because mr overseller didn't follow through mr mr i'm gonna rock your world oh the ladies that are listening to this they know they're nodding their heads there's a lot of people that are like fuck yeah i know exactly who they're talking about and i mean like i'm very fortunate that you are and i can oversell you because well I'm not overselling.
That was wrong. But I'm selling. You are very good in bed. I mean, I'm very fortunate that you are, and I can oversell you because, well, I'm not overselling. That was wrong. But I'm selling you. You are very good in that. I mean, I'm very, very fortunate. You know, like a lot of people think, like, when they hear we're in the last, they're like, oh, he can't fulfill your needs, you know, and like that. Yeah, get those comments. So not true. If you've been on any of our paid pages, you've seen that Dan can absolutely fulfill those needs. So it's not like I'm not getting it at home, right?
Like I swing for extra exciting just for the naughtiness of it. So you don't have to oversell yourself. I mean, like, and it's good at home. So, you know, it's, I don't know. It's just so disappointing when guys do that. It's just, guys, just stop. I'd like to think I don't hype myself too much. You don't. You don't. But you know somebody that I love is the guy who hypes up his wife. If there is an opposite of a red flag.
That's true, are several guys love guys that are just like my wife is so beautiful and instead of hyping yourself up hype up your wife like my wife gives the best fucking blowjobs i've ever got yeah she'll make your toes whatever she's gorgeous she's got the to me that is so much sexier i do love those couples i do too i love those couples Yeah, they are. They are. Because honestly, I feel like I hype, I try to hype you up because you don't do it. Like, you don't. You're not one to be like, I got a big dick. You know, you're just not that guy. But I'm like, look at my husband's dick, you know.
But I like that about you. I don't send a lot of cock pictures. Lacey does, though. I do. I do. I'm proud of that sucker. I'm proud of it. Thanks, man. But I mean, like, I am grateful that you're not that guy. Right. But I'm also proud of it. So, like, yeah. I mean, like, if I want the wife to be super into you, I'll send a cock pic. I don't even care. I mean. Well, I appreciate you being my hype man. Yeah. I'm your hype man. Thank you, babe. I hyped you up. I try. I send the pictures of you all the time. You do send the pictures all the time. You would correct. Okay. Moving along.
This is a big one. I feel like. We do this. I think we're calling ourselves out. this is the one the couple that fights and argues with each other so here's the thing dan and i are passionate right we are passionate in our love making in our but we can fight like cats and dogs we can fight i've never fought with a girl as much as i fought with you i mean true story like but then 10 minutes later we love each other and we're fucking like crazy yeah so it's but so we do have, but. I'd like to think we don't do it in front of people. Correct. Right.
We're probably the couple that like walks in to have dinner with you. And you could probably look at us and tell that we're like. We're frustrated. We're frustrated. We're going to pretend like we love each other. We do love each other. We tend not to do that in front of people.
I say we never have yeah but uh but there probably are couples that can tell that we have been finding especially like couples we spend weekends with and like around us a lot i'm like oh my god i'm gonna kill you but you know that couple right that they are bickering back and forth they're at each other or like one's putting down the other you know that's what we mean more so than like especially they had a disagreement couples that are cutting each other down in front of another couple like putting like like putting each other down like me it makes me uncomfortable like you know like like insulting their spouse like to a couple that they're trying to fuck like what are you doing like such a red why would you do that yeah like if your relationship is not in a good place you don't need to be swinging now that's not like what dan was saying about him and i those are just like marital everyday things oh it's we get in fights over traffic or you know like lacy give me the wrong directions or like just like tonight i ordered in the wrong chinese food he got mad at me i mean but we're not talking i wasn't actually that mad but you did or the funny thing is you do it every time every time she always gets what she wants and orders me the wrong thing okay okay so that's not what we're talking about we're talking about like real relationship issues like marital issues and those shine they through people so like if you're in those situations where maybe your marriage is not in the best place you would be surprised no matter how much you try to cover it people see it a hundred percent we see it yeah we do i mean it's very apparent.
Um, it it just shows i mean you know another thing is like if you get in the argument which i've done this i've gotten mad at dan because of something and i went into kick and i removed myself from every single kick because i was not that is people know who we're talking about that the spouse that quits kick yeah i've done it i've done it like twice probably ever i think i did it once but you know like is people know who we're talking about that the spouse that quits kick yeah i've done it i've done it like twice probably ever i think i did it once but you know like you're like i'm not gonna be a swinger anymore because i don't yeah fuck you yeah because you didn't do the dishes yeah yeah and then you go into your kick and you and when someone when someone leaves a kick group it says it like alerts everybody very obvious and then the other spouse is like i'm sorry there was a glitch i'll invite them back the next day we're calling ourselves people know that's why that's why lacy quit our kid group but no i've quit kid groups and was honest i'm like listen y'all i had a bad fucking night you know and that's what we say like have grace because like we're all human beings everybody's got in a fight over about something it could be the dishes it could be your kids it could be life yeah and got well that's the thing is the truth is a lot of times it's not it's not even related to the lifestyle at all what we're fighting about it's just it's like you use that against each other like well fuck you i'm not a swinger anymore then we're not fucking anybody ever again yeah so i think like if somebody does that obviously you want to offer them grace and you want to be kind it is a red flag though sorry guys we're red flags you stay away from us we're trouble i mean but like it is a red flag but we're also human Right.
And I think, let's tie this one into that one, because I think they're directly related. Yeah, for sure. I think this is where we're stronger. Yeah, so we also, a red flag for us is a couple that is not sexually into each other. We always notice if we've swapped to the couple, and the couple never even kiss, don't even touch each other. It's so weird to me. It's so weird. Like we leave, we're like, oh my God. They never kissed each other. They never touched each other. They never kissed each other. They never. Dan and I, and we don't even like do it on purpose, but we always find each other.
Well, and sometimes like, I almost feel like people have got annoyed with us because we're all over each other. Someone that once they're like well we saw you last night but we felt like y'all were doing your own thing you were not into each other yeah um so obviously there's like a fine line there but i mean i want swinging is to enhance a relationship not fix it. And those couples that don't even glance at each other, there's a they're doing it to fulfill something. They're doing it to cover up something. And that's a red flag.
It's a red flag because they're they're looking for something they don't have in their own relationship, which can cause a whole heap of problems. Yeah. Yeah.
So pay attention, you know, with couples when you play with them if if you know or even just like you know like when you're dancing they don't dance with each other they don't touch each other like yeah or like the husband walks up and he you know tuts the lower back of his wife or kisses her you know or what i mean you don't even like you don't even really have to have like like, full-blown sex while, you know, in the middle of swapping. You just tell if a couple has that intimate sexual connection. Or even just any connection.
And I'll tell you, it's one of the things I love about swingers is I see these couples that have been married 20, 30, 40 years. And when they get on the dance floor together, when they get in a playroom together, you can just see the fireworks. Like, you can see that sexual chemistry.
can see helps that personally yeah and it's that's hot right like a couple that's into each other that's to me that's hot it's like i want to be with them because look how much like like look what they got you know i want to share that with me give me some of that yeah for sure absolutely so yeah definitely i mean you you want the couple that you're swapping with to be into each other to be on the same page to love each other to not be in a fight i mean i think that should be unless unless the wife ordered the wrong damn chinese food if she ordered the wrong damn chinese food then they can fight like It's okay.
That's acceptable. I ordered everything that he got wrong. It's not... If she ordered the wrong damn Chinese food, then they can fight. Like, it's okay. That's acceptable. I ordered everything that he got wrong. It's not, and I order the same thing every time. It's not like it's, gosh, she doesn't love me, guys. I don't get Christmas trees, and I don't get Chinese food. Oh, okay. You guys know what I'm talking about. Yeah. You're so deprived. All right. You get to fuck bitches for fun. I mean, I'm sorry.
I don't talking about yeah you're so deprived all right you get to fuck bitches for fun i mean i'm sorry i don't feel bad for you okay all right so another red flag is a couple that are just clearly not on the same page um like with boundaries and stuff i mean again couples that think they're on the same page can chat you can start chatting with them and it becomes very clear that they're not yeah now to be fair this is common with new couples so you maybe give them some grace because they might not even know they're learning what they're about right you're right they might just not know but there are couples that's very apparent one of them is super into swinging and the other one got dragged into it somehow yeah correct or their same room communication all in group text and then the husband's messaging on the side that is some they're not on the same page husband wants to play separately wife thinks they're not you know i mean you see it like i've seen like where the wife is soft wants to be soft swap and the husband wants people to fuck his wife and it's like wait she's pushing right and it's trying to get guys to do it it's like no no she said she said she doesn't want to do that or she said she's soft swap all of those things need to be ironed out before you start swinging because what happens is alcohol and becomes a factor and then it's we've seen it time and time again the wife the husband gets one too many and starts mouthing off it happens so often the truth i mean it's happened to close friends of ours that we care about that are seasoned swingers i mean we all do it right you get a little tipsy and you start mouthing off about whatever you're pissed off about, you know?
Yeah, and I almost feel bad that we're saying, like, there definitely is drama within the lifestyle, right? The lifestyle is not all of drama, though. No. Yeah, it's very common to, like, any friend group, right? If you've been around friends for long enough, there's drama within any friend group.
That's how I would say swing of drama is right yeah but like what i'm saying with these red flags is a lot of this can if you are handling this appropriately up front it doesn't matter how if your wife or your husband gets shit-faced if it's handled and ever all parties are in agreements those things won't come out because they're they're not issues yeah so handle all of that before don't be that red flag and if you are the couple that sees that like if you Thank you. Because they're non-issues. Yeah. So handle all of that before. Don't be that red flag.
And if you are the couple that sees that, like if you see a couple that are obviously not on the same page, maybe you should take a step back. Maybe let them get a little bit more experience under the belt before you play with them. Yeah, I mean, because they're learning and they're going to make mistakes. We've made mistakes. We've done it. We've been there, done that. Yeah. So, I mean, just if you are that new couple, just be on the same page as your partner or try or play down to the, you know, the one that's least comfortable and don't be that red flag. Okay.
And then this kind of leads into our next thing, the drama couple. Yeah.
So you all, we all know that girl or that guy that's like or the couple the couple and they're like i do not like drama but they have all the drama around i hate drama i'm a swinger and i don't like i don't like drama swingers that are in drama but let me tell you about becky steve yeah but i don't get along with her she's a fucking bitch yeah you we all know um right it's so funny because it's so true um just that it's a huge red flag if you meet a couple and they're like oh well and they start spilling the beans about everybody and what they are and who they're fighting with yeah we've done this because it's kind of fun like when you when you meet a new hubble especially if you're local to be like and you all know the same people it's kind of fun to like just like wow there's the gossip like did you hear what yeah so it is easy to get caught up in it and you know again here we are i think that's different that so if you're in a friend group and there's just rumors and things that are you know like rumor mill stuff that's to talk that's different than like you meet a couple for the first time and they're like we don't get along with this couple I hate this person and that person and we've got in a fight with the and it's like oh my god like I just don't know you for five minutes you're telling me about everybody that you hate like yeah run away get away from them yeah because couples that have drama it's for a reason right I mean it just is red flag yeah run so those are like our top red flags i mean obviously we could go on for days and days and days i mean there's so many variations of that um those were some of the ones that snapchat and like we kind of created or not creative it came up with amongst us so if you know of any more that you want to add to it we could do a red flag 2.0 we can do a red flag 2.0 because honestly this topic is so fluid we literally could talk for days on it i mean there's just so many red flags um and we also wanted to tell a story in conjunction with that because we had a situation that had every fucking red flag there was every red flag in the book and we just went headfirst into him so we um well i mean we never we never never played with her never played with her but we want to again like we try super hard to be transparent let you learn from us we never claim to be these like perfect swingers who don't fuck up we fuck up all the time those people don't exist yeah um we get jealous we have emotions you know it just it's just who we are we so we thought it would be fun to kind of end this podcast with our story about a total red flag and um we've told you know quicker versions or you know we have to kind of mute them for tiktok so we thought this would be fun to really give the true story here without being censored so no shit there we were huh no shit there we were looking for a unicorn yes we were we were.
We decided, well, this was early on in our relationship, I think. Earlier in our relationship. Yeah. That we wanted to find a unicorn. We wanted to find a nice, sexy, young unicorn. Yeah. And we wanted to play with her. We did. Like, it was like a mission. Like, a check mark off the box. We might have been those dreaded unicorn hunters that people talk about. We were. We were. For a few. I mean, like, it wasn't.
Not to say that we that we would be i mean we were we were respectful good yeah yeah it's not like we were trying to be mean we were actively looking for a unicorn i think that's a better way of saying yeah and we and we took to tinder oh we got to tinder uh and to be fair if you are looking for a unicorn you're gonna have a hard time on the swinger websites because there's just not many of them. And the ones that there are are inundated by couples that are looking for them. So you are really better off, if you're looking for a unicorn, getting off of doing it some other way. Yeah.
And Tinder is an option. So we both made Tinder profiles. He made a couple profile with a picture of both. It was technically, I think, like, I male profile because i don't think you can make a couple you can make a couple profiles now but back then i don't know yeah so he made and it was a picture of both of us and it just it was very clear what our intentions were i made a girl profile and i think it had just me i don don't remember. I don't remember either. But either way, we were both actively looking. And Dan happened to find this girl. Mm-hmm. I don't even remember her name.
But we'll just call her the unicorn. Is that bad? I don't remember her name. I'm trying to think of it, and I can't. I think I know. Okay. I think I remember. But we're not going to say. We'll just call her the unicorn. So, Dan, actually, you found her, correct? I found her, yeah. And I did what we always do. I think we started a group kick. Yeah. She was too young for us. She was 20 years old. She was in college. She went to a local college that was not far from us. Like about an hour, 45 minutes. So, red flag number one.
She was legal, but she was too damn young yeah 20 is pretty pretty young um she was really into like fet life bdsm kind of that realm which if you've been around any you know dan kind of dabbles he's a little bit more dominant when he's not a dom but he's a little bit more dominant so that part of it we kind of liked because i think you liked oh you didn't like it i was a little jealous okay okay well because like she would like get her you know she would send us pictures of her like bruises from where she had like got her ass beat by this dom or whatever and you would loved it yeah and i'm over here like don't you dare spank me that hard you know so like there was a little piece of me that was like i kind of felt like she was fulfilling a need that i wasn't giving right which is a good like that's fun in some ways you know i mean it is fun in some ways um but when it's a single 20 year old girl and i'm a 30 pushing 40 something year old woman i don't know it just brings out a little bit of insecurities totally understandable yeah she um in my opinion was not the most attractive she was okay she was okay she was attractive i think she was one that in the pictures at first looked better than when we met her in real life but yeah yeah i mean i personally would not have picked her out of a group but we really wanted a unicorn and i was she was she was cute enough and so i was down for making this happen for you and for me because we both wanted this yeah we both did yeah so um red flag number one she was too young okay so red flag number one, she was too young.
Okay, so red flag number two, she had what she called was a dom. Right, so this didn't really come out until we met her. It was before, we knew it before. But yeah, because she had to get the dom's permission to meet us.
So she had this dom guy, and she was telling us about how they played and some of the things they did and he was very dominant you know guy and but there was like her telling us the stories about him there was a lot of red flags like he was married and we were right like she's like he randomly texts me and then won't answer and then like we only meet during the day and like she's like sometimes i have to like leave school to try to you know like he'll make me leave school to meet him and i'm like wait a minute if he can't text you at night or you know if he can't text you whenever if he's only meeting you during like this sounds like to me like a married dude she's like no no no he's not married she was naive you know she was young so we we also didn't want want to bust her bubble, but whatever.
And she's like, no, he's not married. But she was naive, you know, and she was young. So we also didn't want to bust her bubble, but whatever. So we wanted to take her to dinner. No play. We had to, well, we knew we weren't going to play. No, I think we just wanted to meet her and talk to her. But we did want to meet her and talk to her. And so she had to get permission from her dom. Okay, red flag number, whatever. There we go.
we should never have taken anybody to dinner that had to get permission but she did get she canceled and said no thank you and then she decided that fuck him she's gonna do it anyway i mean it was a lot about it there was a lot of drama i mean honestly we should have just turned around i mean but y'all we were so desperate for a unicorn we just kind of looked past all these red flags we were like we're gonna do this yeah so we ended up meeting her we went to this cute little boutique restaurant like a rooftop restaurant she couldn't even drink no that's true i forgot about that how embarrassing i know right um and her dom had given her specific instructions like what to wear what to wear you couldn't touch her she you know all these things it was totally ridiculous but yeah whatever um dinner was fine she's a nice girl she was a nice girl i think we left dinner like this isn't this isn't for us like this isn't gonna work out we kind of knew i think we left it open and with her essentially i think what we told her was like figure out what the fuck you got going on with this dude and if you want to talk to us like message us but we're not yeah i mean because we totally would have fucked her and oh yeah you know like okay yeah and had fun um but we just it was too much we knew then that you know i mean it just wasn't pretty much we left it with her like hey if you want to play if you want to hook up with us like figure out your shit and let us know it's kind of what we left it so again we did all of our messaging and group messaging and stuff like that and um now rightfully so we weren't super clear about our boundaries back then this has been a few years ago we never said these are our rules i don't think i don't i don't think so no um however she did start messaging you on the side and and again this is you know we talked about this isn't as a red flag she She did it as, oh, hey, I think I'm going to get ready to move.
And it's going to be closer to where I was living at the time. I had some questions about like apartments or something, right? Isn't that how she started? Yes, which I didn't care for. First of all, you were there. You lived in the middle of the sticks. First of all, you knew nothing about apartments.
apartments second of all you were there temporarily it was not even like a you weren't even this girl was born and raised in this town like and you were there for like less than a year for work and she's asking you about you know it was obvious that she she was trying you and this is kind of funny because you were very much like this bitch is trying to try some shit i'm like no i think she seems like she's genuinely curious you're like no fuck this bitch like she's trying to fucking hook up with you i'm like no i think like she because she didn't say anything bad like it wasn't like she was like but like even if that was her question she should have sent that in the group chat there was no reason like we talked about why yeah like why this innocent question on the side why not in the group chat right there's there's some weird flags there yeah so i don't really remember what happened with that i think i told her i don't really know much yeah i think you just kind of blew her off a little so one day i tried to call you and you didn't answer right now was that how this happened yeah you didn't text me and tell me about it beforehand men pay attention i just tried to call you and you didn't answer and i'm one of the i'm a little crazy lacy if i don't answer the phone she doesn't even give like so usually if i don't answer the phone i'm on the phone or i'm doing something or you know whatever and what will happen is i'll try to text her back and say hey babe i'm on the phone with whatever my kids my parents my you know or i'm doing this thing like i'll call you right back she won't give me time to text her like she'll call me and then i'll like decline and i'll go to start writing the text and then i can't even write the freaking text because she keeps calling me back so quickly it kicks me out of my text it's who i am and she'll just keep calling and i have to like answer the phone be like babe like i was trying to text you i'm doing this like oh i'm sorry i'm like stop being crazy yeah i mean i don't it's not like i think you're like i'll do sometimes sometimes but nothing's i'm just that's just what i do so anyway i call him and he doesn't answer and he texts me and says he's on the phone with her.
And I'm like, hold the fucking phone. What? First of all, we don't talk to people individually. Second of all, we sure as hell don't give them our phone number. Yeah. It's not happy. Yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. Lacey had tried to call me. And I did, you know, whenever she tried to call me, I declined it.
But then I text her immediately and said, hey, I'm on the phone right now with whatever her name is I'll call it like give me a minute I'll call you or something like that so we ended up hanging up with her and calling me and what happened I'll let you tell this part of the story since you are the one that got the message so I don't remember exactly essentially what had happened is she had texted me and essentially said, like, she was in an emotional crisis. She was in a mental crisis. She messaged me and said, I'm not in a good place.
My parents, I don't know if they had found out about the Dom. I don't remember the whole situation. But essentially, she's like, I'm just going to end my life. It's not, you know, like, whatever. So you were a good guy. Gave her your phone number. And I said, call me. I said this, no, you're not going to do that. Call me. And, and, you know, I've had some experience with that and I've, you know, been through some classes and training on what to do in that situation. And, and so I, you know, my immediate response was I need to get her on the phone and I need to talk to her.
I need to get her help. I need to make sure she gets to a safe place so that she's okay. And, yeah, I probably could have texted you while I was on the phone. I mean, I could have handled it differently. But, I don't know, me as a person, I wasn't just going to blow this girl off. No, you were being a nice guy.
However, I was not of all she's met you one time and this had been some time yeah it's been it's been like a month i mean yeah it's not like it was two days later we're talking about like a month or so i was like tell her to call her damn mama tell her to call her best friend let's see what's not happening i mean like i'm not i'm not trying to be insensitive to a mental crisis because I personally struggle with my own mental health, and I do sincerely feel bad for this girl. Like, however, you are not her person or should not have been her person.
She should have went to the hospital, a doctor, a family member, a friend. She's in college. I'm sure she has a roommate. There's so many options.
And then some random guy that she met one time for an hour and maybe an hour and a half at dinner I was not okay I showed my ass I messaged her I was like you have broken which I shouldn't have done I feel bad because she was going through a mental health crisis but I did message her and I was like you broke swinger rule number one you do not message the husband or you know on the side you you have broken the rules we don't do this and of course she was like you know i didn't really you know she gave me the whole sob story i didn't realize and apologized and she did end up getting the help that she needed she ended up going yes she did but emergency treatment place but there were so many red flags y'all so many red flags i mean we could have done better i could have not been a bitch and messaged her you could have stopped and called me and before you could i mean she we could have group called her yeah there's there's so many things we should have we should have backed away very early on probably should have never met her to begin with no she was too young for us um there was just so many so many red flags but like a lot of couples that just want to swing they they just want to find a couple, we just wanted a unicorn.
So, we were just, like, we were not even looking at those red flags. Fuck a red flag. You know, we just wanted to do this. This cute young girl that was interested. Yeah. Yeah. So, just take our story and learn from it. For sure. But, I mean, I don't know. We haven't heard from her in years now. But, I know at least that night she ended up getting help. She did. She did. And I genuinely feel bad that I got upset. I just felt threatened. And I shouldn't have behaved that way. And I think I did. I think I apologized to her after she apologized. But we should have never.
We, as, well, we weren't pushing 40 at the time. We were probably in cluster to our early thirties, but we should not have put ourselves in a situation where she felt the need to call you live and learn. Yeah. Learn from our mistakes. And that is swinger red flags. It's a good list that we've done all of them. Yeah.
So I helped some people learn i hope so and if we've missed it like anything major again just let us know maybe we'll do a continuance yeah yeah i think that's pretty good that's a pretty good episode um thank thank you sarah right yeah sarah is the one that suggested that good job sarah shout out to you um so i think now. You you got a flight to catch yeah you gotta we gotta go to secrets we gotta we gotta go meet uh frederick and barbie and malia and kylie and life of spice and all the nadine and spencer and spencer oh jersey couple jersey couples coming shout out to our hit episode.
We got some other friends from Atlanta that are coming. Yeah. Bo and Ash. Ash and Bo. Yeah. Mr. Fireball. Fireball. Yeah. So there's there's a lot going on this weekend. There he is. So again if you're if you're in the Orlando Kissimmee. I want to have sex with everybody this time. Baby. Baby. You can't have sex with everybody. I know. Well maybe you can. I don't know. Well I mean like honestly like normally we go to like an event and there's like one or two Thank you. You can't have sex with everybody that's gone. Baby. Baby. You can't have sex with everybody. I know. Well, maybe you can.
I don't know. Well, I mean, like, honestly, like, normally we go to, like, an event, and there's, like, one or two couples. Like, there's, like, four. There's, like, ten. That I genuinely would like to have in cover. There's, like, ten. No, there's, like, ten going, but there's, like, four or five that, like, I genuinely want to do it with. There's probably ten I want to do it with. Okay, you big whore. That's why I love you. That's why I love you. We'll see what happens. But if you want to know what happens, you should join us on Snapchat. Yep. On OnlyFans. On Instagram. On Twitter.
All the things. On Facebook. Yeah. On Discord. Watch Dan fuck all the bitches. Yeah, come follow us. Come join us. We're going to be sharing it on the platforms we can share it on. Yeah. And, well, with the people that allow us to share it, of course. We respect everybody's privacy. Yes. But it's going to be a good weekend. So, hopefully, we'll see you guys there. Yeah. I'm super excited. If you're there, please come say hello to us. Yes. Come to our room crawl. Get to know us. We're really excited to get to meet everybody.
we are just normal people guys like don't don't be shy come say hi come give us a hug come uh these are my boobies last appearance before there that's right so come see the boobies give them a squeeze well with consent yeah give them a good squeeze they're about to be gone so you can squeeze away now with consent with consent always yeah um anything else that's it all right guys uh thanks for the the episode sarah and we look forward to talking to you guys again we're going to have lots of hopefully lots of episodes coming out of secrets with the swing talk crew and and some of the the secrets hideaway crew we're going to talk to some of them we'll be makings, doing all the things, and we look forward to sharing it with you as always.
So with that, folks, in a world full of apples, be a pineapple. Be the pineapple, guys. Bye. Bye. If you've enjoyed our podcast and want to support us, leave a five-star review wherever you're listening. If you want to see more of our content, you can find links to Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, OnlyFans, and more in the show notes. Come join the conversation with us and other Swinger content creators on our Swinger Society Discord server. If you have questions or feedback, email them to us at theswingnation at gmail.com.
Make sure you head on over to theswingnation.net and keep up to date on all things Swing Nation. We thank you so much for joining us, and we'll see you next time. Goodbye.
