Send us Fan MailThe Swing Nation PodcastLifestyle Education: Is the Lifestyle Cliquey? | Episode 72In this swinger podcast episode, Dan and Lacy talk about cliques in the lifestyle. They talk about how to identify them, ways to address them, and things you can do to ensure your group doesn t contribute to this stigma. Learn all this and more in this episode of The Swing Nation Podcast. _______________- The Swing Nation - Main Website Quick Navigation Website: -- (Find all our social media links more!) Follow us on Facebook! The Podcast Website_______________ - Swinger Society - Our Website to meet, connect events Swinger Society Discord Our Facebook Group_______________ - Swinger Websites - SDCUsername: TheSwingNation** Use code 36313 for 14 days free! ** SLSUsername: NorthernGuynSouthernGirl_______________ - Merch More - The Swing Nation Merch The Swinger Pride Flags Swinger Society Merch_______________ - Lacy’s Fun Links - VIP OnlyFans PREMIUM OnlyFans _______________ -- THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS -- Shameless Care: ED Medication and at home STD testingUse Code TSN at checkout for $30 off your order! Promescent® Make Love Longer, It’s Time for Great SexUse Code SwingNation for 5% off! Pinaq Liqueur; The Official Drink of The Swing NationUse Code TSN at checkout for 15% off! Non-monogamy Couples Course and Single Guy Mastery CourseUse Code ATLANTA for 50% off!Support the show- Thank you for the support! -
Transcript
Speaker1: This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18, it contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice. Welcome to the Swing Nation podcast, a podcast by swingers for swingers, where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle. Come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe, interview the experts, learn and grow together join the nation lacy we get approached by couples all the time and they want to know like where can they learn the 101s of non-monogamy yeah i totally get it you want to get in the lifestyle but you just don't know where to start we recommend sex by sue's class on non-monogamy she really helps couples learn how to communicate and do the lifestyle the correct way yeah i think this lifestyle you know it's crucial not to to step on the landmines that a lot of us do yeah and you kind of learn the hard way you know so having a class that you can take online you know in the privacy of your own home and kind of learn the hard way. So having a class that you can take online in the privacy of your own home and kind of learn the ins and outs, learn how to approach the lifestyle, how to communicate with your partner about it. I think it's something worth taking and we highly recommend it. Yeah. So click below in the show notes. You'll find this link for that course. Check it out, guys. Bye. Bye. Most people have unprotected oral sex, right? Be honest. Now think about your last STD test. Did your doctor tickle your throat with something that looked like a giant Q-tip? Probably not. Yet that's the only way to check for oral gonorrhea or chlamydia, which are often asymptomatic. You need a better doctor. You need shamelesscare.com. Use coupon code TSN at checkout. So Lacey, people are asking, how do they get to go to a party or an event with us? They check out swingersociety.net. You create a profile, you sign up for an event, and you come hang out with us. Super easy. That that's right if you want to party with us and the other faces and names that you know from social media and tiktok head on over to swingersociety.net can't wait to see you there hey there pineapple people and welcome to the swing nation podcast we are your host northern guy and southern girl and today's episode we're going to talk to you all about clicks in the lifestyle we are so recently we went to a lifestyle connection hotel takeover It was not our event, even though we were told it was. It was not a Swinger Society event. But typically, if we go to an event, we'll tell everybody where we're going. We like to promote. We'll have to promote our friends, especially if it's our friends' event. Yeah, Lifestyle Connection, they're just really cool people. And so, like, we're like, hey, we're going to be here. Right, so if we can get some more people to show up and help them out, like, we're all about it. For sure. And especially this one, because they had the Christmas charity. Right. So, like, we actually, like, I wasn't even kid-free for this event. Which, if you know me and you've been around for any amount of time, I don't do any events when I have my kid. so like we rearranged scheduled and made it work so we could go because giving to their charity their children's toy drive, is very, very important to us. Correct. So, but after the event, we were called out for being clicky. Yes. And then it kind of brought up a lot of things. So, like, other people were chiming in about how they felt at Secrets and stuff like that. Not necessarily. yes and then it kind of brought up a lot of things so like other people were chiming in about how they felt at secrets and stuff like that not necessarily negative but just that they could understand why they felt that way because they kind of felt that way at secrets but and they understood because it was our event so we definitely have been very much talking about this in our regular lives so when we were deciding what podcast we should do i said let's do one on clicks because that's a pretty big part of the lifestyle and you hear about it all the time like when you hear about a party or a club you hear oh it's clicky yeah i don't want to go to that event it's a clicky event or that club's clicky or yeah lifestyle and clicky you you hear those things kind of goes hand in hand all the time right yeah and so we had never really talked about this so you know kudos to the guy who called us out um it was thanks for the podcast topic. Yeah. No, I think it is something important to talk about. I agree. I think using the word click or clicky is almost like a buzzword. I think people use it and they don't necessarily even know what they're saying when they say it. Well, and being in the lifestyle before, we had a lot of lifestyle friends. now to lifestyle before we had a lot of lifestyle friends now to where we do have a lot of lifestyle friends i can kind of see both sides of it and so i can kind of relate to both sides of it so i think this is going to be a good podcast to kind of work through that and talk about it okay all right so i think if we're gonna talk swinging and clicks, we have to first define what does that word click even mean? What is the definition of the word click? All right. So before you don't, don't look at the screen, don't read it. If you had to just say in lacy words, what a click was, what would you, what would you say a click is? um i would say well i think the what people think of when they say cliques it would be typically like a group of people that don't let others in to their group right so it's it's a it's kind of like there's already a group formed and they're not looking to have anybody else correct be part of their group yeah i think that's like the point where maybe they not only do they not want they might go out of their way to not yeah or kind of like look down on people that are not right you're not part of the it's a cool kids look correct the click is the cool kids look correct right yeah uh okay so the definition of a click and you aren't far off is a small group of people with shared interests or other features that are in common who spend time together and do not readily allow others to join with them. Oh, so that's pretty close. That's pretty close. Yeah. So in this case, the shared interest would be swinging, right? It would be the lifestyle. Yeah. And maybe, you know, it says features in common and maybe it's, these are, to me in my mind they kind of all look alike well it's the pretty people yeah but i feel like i think nerdy people could be clicks right okay i mean i'm saying swinging out of it i'm taking swinging out of it if you think about like a high school you've got like the jobs you've got like you know the super pop you've got the nerdy people you've got yeah i mean just all these different band kids i was a band kid for the record i know i know um so i can't imagine what click you were in i was a cheerleader um so i think like i i think they have shared like they all look alike and act alike and do things like but i don't think necessarily when i think of click i don't think like they're pretty pretty people because i think a click can be whatever right i would say in the lifestyle though yeah if you think of a lifestyle click it tends my thing in my head what pops up is those are the pretty people yeah or the popular people yeah right yeah and so i can see why people associate us automatically with that because they they think that like oh these guys have they have a podcast and they're on tiktok they think they're cool like they don't want to associate with us right yeah i can see why people would assume that yeah right yeah okay all right the next thing i want to i guess highlight is not all groups of friends are necessarily a clique okay what does that mean okay because like people allow they want others to join them right so a click right a click that means this is a group of people that are making an effort to exclude people from their group oh right and they might even go as far as to like there's hurdles you have to jump through you know like i almost think of like uh the colleges like, the colleges, like, you know, like, sororities and stuff, right? Like, that sorority is, like, the ultimate click, right? Like, this is the popular people. And if you want to join, you have to do all these crazy things, you know. Yeah. You know. But, okay, to play devil's advocate here in the lifestyle, sometimes you're sleeping with people. Sometimes have to be choosy you know yes you have to like exclude people because you don't necessarily want to be intimate with them and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that right but i think you know and we're jumping ahead no maybe not but i think it's okay let's talk about it just because i don't want to fuck you doesn't mean i'm excluding you from my group right okay yeah you can be in my group we can hang out we can talk we can laugh we can joke but maybe when it comes play time i don't ask you to come back with a playroom with me that doesn't mean i'm a click just because i don't want to fuck you doesn't mean like you know i'm saying like but sometimes okay a lot of people can assume in the lifestyle that Like if I go up, like how many times have we been at a swinger a bit and I'm just really nice to people? I tend to be nice to like older gentlemen. I don't know why. I just think they're cute and squishy and that's level. And I'm like, hey, how are you? And then that guy thinks that I want to fuck him because I was kind to him.
Speaker2:
So.
Speaker1:
You send mixed singles sometimes, yeah. But if I wasn't kind to them, then they would say.
Speaker2:
You're mean. I'm mean.
Speaker1:
I'm a bitch. So, like, where's the fun line there?
Speaker2:
Right.
Speaker1:
No, I think, you know, and this maybe is unique to the lifestyle, right, is we all have, you know, people that we're're attracted to we all have people that we want to be intimate with um and it's okay to not you know to choose who those people are and just because you don't want that with some people i don't think you it's fair to label them as a click right like i don't have to want to fuck everybody to be inclusive and be not labeled a click, right? I am allowed to be selective in who I engage sexually with. And, you know, if you slap the label click on me because of that, that's, you're misusing that definition. You know, nowhere in here does it say you have to be inclusive and sexually intimate with everybody, you know mean like that's that's not the definition the definition is if i purposely exclude you um from my group or make it difficult for you that you know i exclude people from joining my group um that's a click gotcha who you sleep with is not necessarily clicky because we usually include at least one new couple, if not more, at every event. Yeah. All right. So let's go. Sorry. I'm jumping ahead. He's got a whole thing, guys. Let's go. No, I think it's important to really understand what a click is because I do think in the lifestyle that term gets thrown around a lot. It's almost a weapon and it's mislabeled. You know what I mean? Yeah. Just like what like what you said right just because i don't sleep with you doesn't mean i'm now a click and like oh they're clicky like stay away from them um just because i you know me and you it's not just me are selective on who we engage sexually with all right so this is these are the things that make a group a click okay uh clicks usually have one or two leaders who decide who can and cannot join the group right so there's some person in that group that is kind of the leader of their boss and they they are the one in charge and they decide who can or cannot cannot join right okay and this is just cliques in general not cliques this is not lifestyle no this is just in general right uh they focus on maintaining their popularity or status and they accomplish this by excluding and leaving out other people right so to kind of if you know purpose according to that on purpose right so it's you know to be the cool kid club there has to be a not cool kid club right like so you have to you can't be the popular cool click unless there's people that are left out right if you include everybody you're not you're not a click so you have to very purposely exclude people from your group and kind of make that known to to society that hey we're leaving you out right you're not you're not part of us you're not with us or you're like you know you know i don't know i think it's sororities i they go as far to like label themselves it's like this is my group right like but they do let new people in yeah but yeah you're right i don't know if sorry did i just kill you no no you're right i don't think you know sorority i don't think it's the perfect definition of that but some cliques do too they just make it very difficult you know like yeah uh cliques generally don't socialize outside of their group uh it's rare that they will allow an outside into the group and it's rare to allow somebody from the outside in right um so that's that's pretty like you know and i can like this reminds me of like back to high school right like if somebody from the the cool kid group is like talking to you know somebody that's not part of the cool it's like why are you talking to them like they're not part they're not cool like what what are you doing you know i mean like it's like looked down upon right like you shouldn't be talking to them they're not part of our group um that's definitely a clicky thing to do right yeah um members of clicks are pressured to confirm to certain standards to be a part of the group right so there might you know again like the pretty people or you know you might have to oh if you don't have this clothing brand or that you know i mean like there's some kind of standard for the group and you have to conform to that to that standard now like when i think of you know people call us clicky and i think of swear society there is no standard right like i think one of the things i like about all of our influencers and all the different people part of our group is they are all different and we get to celebrate that there's we're not trying to make you know like you said like what's that the mean girls right like yeah we don't want to make carbon copies of one person and have everybody act like that person we really want to be a diverse and inclusive we try really hard um we try to have a little bit of everything so that way if you are you know someone that be a swinger, you can find someone that you can relate to to look up to. I mean, I think we could still do a better job. We are at mercy of who actually applies to be an influencer. But, yeah, I mean, that's totally the goal. Clicks are mean even to members of their own group. And they often have rules on how to act not only within the group but outside of the group as well so kind of bullies right yeah but i mean so swinger society as a whole we do have some guidelines that we ask our influencers and hosts to kind of stick with so that way we're respectful of each other and we show the lifestyle in a positive way but i don't know that but like we don't control what they post or what they do or anything like that yeah right so so you know if we're comparing these you know this is what a click is and then comparing that to swimmer society so we do have community guidelines just like any social platform does um but i think you know it's the opposite we're not mean we actually if you're mean we'll ban you like yeah like if we will kick you out we really have those community guidelines in place to stop people from being mean yeah so that way we can't attack each other we can't um you if you've been around you know but um it's really just to protect each other. So that way, if something goes south that, um, we have some things in place to stop the meanness and the bullying. And what, I think what people do in their private life, we have no, no, really interest or say in, um, it's more of, you know, especially for our, the influencers and hosts that are part of our society society we just want you to represent the lifestyle in a positive way yeah if you started representing the lifestyle in a not positive way we would just ask you not to be part you know like yeah we would just go our separate ways and that's okay you know okay yes all right so those are some of what a click is and what a click isn't right and so if we we focus on some of those things you can see how um i do think me and you and the swinger society um are a group of friends but i see us as a group of friends that try to encourage people to join our group oh for sure i mean okay so i guess this is a great opportunity for me to talk on this. If you've been around us and followed our journey, we have been attacked. Like, to lack of a better word, we have been not only run over by a bus, but like put in reverse and backed up and forward and back a few times. I mean, we have not had the easiest road to where we are today we we really had to there was a lot of times where we just wanted to quit social media and stuff just because of and and not only do we publicly get it but we've also had private instances i know everybody feels like they know everything about us on social media but we've had private friendships that have no that have been severed because of other things and um so to be super honest I'm very guarded like I've had my uh pornography leaked all over the internet I've had I've been destroyed online by people that I cared about. I've had groups, you know, pick apart everything from my appearance to the way I moan in bed to everything, everything. Yeah, zoomed in on images of your body and reposted it. The way I sit, they'll zoom in. You know, I've had horrible Reddit thingsdit things i mean just you name it i've you know we've been docs with everything everything and so personally i am guarded as fuck i mean i just am so i don't really trust a lot of people anymore even people close to me i don't trust i don't put anything in writing um i don't use against you that could be used against me i never text anything you know there's a very select group of people that will actually get the true me because i'm so afraid that someone will screenshot it and post it or share it or whatever. So I don't easily let people in. And that just is what it is. So I can almost get why people might say that me personally, I could come across as cliquish. Because they're right. I've been burned. I've been burned hard and it's taken me a lot of time to kind of get to where I am today, where I feel comfortable in my own skin and my body and what I post and what I don't post. And so I get that. But in no way am I mean. I always, if you stop me at a party and say, Lacey, the podcast i love your tiktoks you're wonderful i'm going to give you a big old hug with consent of course and tell you thank you and i always try to stop and spend time with people and thank them but to invite someone into my heart into my like true true inner circle it's very hard yeah and i think and i think i deserve the right to say that no i agree if anybody was in my shoes could say that they would do differently i i would i would be all ears to hear their advice on how i can do things differently yeah no but i think that's you know to to say like oh because i'm public and on social media and because now i have this platform that i'm real guarded on who i trust and get close with that's very different than saying oh well they're a click and they don't let you know i mean like yeah but that also has to do with who i sleep with too because like what if you're just a random person and we sleep with you and then you decide to go on the line and tell everybody, oh, she was fat. She has to lay there. She's starfish. I mean, like, let's just think about it. You know, they could. They very much could. And so that's also scary for me, too. I don't want anybody saying any of those things about me. And so do we add a ton of new partners? Yes and no. I mean we we've added probably more in the last few months than we have in a while but um i don't know yeah i guess my point is you as an individual having your boundaries is different than a group being a click you know i mean no i completely agree but i'm from the outside looking in i can totally see how someone would say, oh, Lacey's clicky, she doesn't hang out with people, because they're not looking at the truth of what it is. Yeah. You know, that's what I'm saying. Well, I don't think, I think you would give anybody an opportunity. Oh, 100%. To become, right, you were very guarded in who you let in instantly, but that's not to say, if we were at a club and a couple approached and wanted to chat and sit down and talk we would invite them in and if you guys hit it off you know yeah maybe they might be you know i can think of like katie uh i can think you know there's been a handful of of couples and stuff that we've met really in the last few months who very quickly became close friends and now now we're very close yes it does happen right yeah it does i think if we were truly clicky when they approached us to begin with we would have just pushed them away oh 100 we definitely but it also takes a strong personality to do that if you're meek if you are intimidated if you you know don't have a lot of confidence and you walk up and try to you know that might be harder if you so like for instance kd she's just like such a bubbly energetic person that she's just like we're gonna be friends yeah you know and it almost takes someone like that to kind of break that barrier okay all right i'll give you that um all right so that's generically what click is. When we talk about clicks in the lifestyle, what are people usually talking about? Groups. Right. Like groups of people. Like you always hear, oh, I went to that hotel takeover and it was so clicky. That's a very common thing. Yeah. And I think what people are seeing, right, is if you are a new person and you go to any club any hotel takeover any resort where there's regulars yeah the regulars are gonna appear to you as a click because they know each other they're friends right yeah yeah i think that like in the lifestyle like everything you said great before was great but really and truly if you walk into a party and people know each other and they're dancing and chatting people are going to say they're
Speaker2:
Thank you. said great before was great but really and truly if you walk into a party and people know each other
Speaker1:
and they're dancing and chatting people are going to say they're cliquish so that depends on you though like if you're the type of person that's going to stand in the corner and not feel confident to approach those people then yeah they're going to be clicky but if you say heck no let's go introduce ourselves right that's where you break that barrier yeah and um you know i would say like we've been accused of being clickish but like when we go to events especially if it's not our event we don't even know who there knows us right so like it would be very difficult for us to walk up to people and be like hey i don't know you but are you here to say hi to me like you know i mean yeah we've gotten some criticism from people because we didn't speak to everyone but it's almost like i don't want to come across like everybody knows me i'm lacy from the swing nation i don't want to come across that way um so if you know us and you've seen us on social media and you would like to meet us just come up and say hey i just don't want to be like hi yeah you know who i am right yeah if you walked around especially an event that's not our event if you walked around an event introducing yourself to people and be oh i just i wanted to come and talk to you because i'm lacy from the swing nation podcast like this fucking girl like who the fuck does she think she is yeah yeah um yeah um yeah so i think that's you know from your perspective from our perspective we like you know we don't even do that at our own events we definitely don't do that at events that aren't ours that we hosted yeah you know i think we could do better i think we have learned you know from this criticism when we got over the last couple months that you know maybe we may need to make a better effort to have a meet and greet specific time where people do want to talk to us we're kind of in a position to be open to that you know kind of facilitate that a little better to me like i guess i didn't know there was a need for that like to me that seems pretentious to even assume that like oh i'm gonna set up a table and give an hour for people to come talk to me like you know i mean but okay you know we hear you like okay we'll start yeah but on the flip side of that we've done where we've taught classes at events nobody shows up nobody shows up and we're like okay we're a bunch of idiots we're sitting here all by ourselves with one person yeah yeah uh now i will say so you know prior to us we've been to clubs and stuff and events and not known a single not known anybody and you do see those groups of people um socializing and i think you know are there are some of those groups clicks probably right they're probably you know if you couldn't say there are no clicks in the lifestyle i think that would be um untrue i think if i if i really had to make a dan's opinion estimated guest i would say most of them are just friend groups and if you did approach them and try to get to know them um they would probably invite you in or at least give you an opportunity to to be a part of where people call them clicks is like maybe they that friend group wasn't attracted to you or maybe wasn't into you and didn't readily invite you in and then people are like oh well they're cliquish because we didn't get an invite um i think that could happen and that's they have the prerogative to not allow you in that doesn't mean that they're click it doesn't mean that they're mean it means like maybe you're just not what they're into no i agree a hundred percent but i do get as somebody especially newer people in the lifestyle because we went to so many parties and stuff we did not know one person and i am very introverted so i would just be like dancing by ourselves and you definitely are the type of person that's going to go up and introduce yourself or introduce us. So as a couple, if you are, if one of you is not extroverted like that, you're going to have problems. You have to have one or two, you know, in the couple that is going to do that. Or you're really going to struggle in this sense. You may have to do more of like where you meet people online and then go and meet them at like a bar or restaurant or something. That might have to be more of your swing-in style opposed to like a club or a party or something. Yeah, I agree. I think it's almost like the easy out, right? If you go to an event and like sit in a corner and nobody approaches you, you're like, oh, well, nobody came and talked to me because they're all a click. Where I really think if you are a new person to an an event or to a club or to a hotel takeover you have to put yourself out you have you have to be the one to put in the work to to kind of facilitate yourself which can be scary infiltrate the friend group especially if you've been married for any amount of time and you you're not you know really active in the dating scene it's hard to put yourself out there it's hard to be rejected it's scary so I get the hesitation to not want to do it trust me if it wasn't for him I wouldn't do it maybe I don't know I just I wouldn't so I just think that you have to understand that as a newer couple in the life or even a seasoned couple in the last of one and one of you are not very extroverted you're going to struggle yeah especially i think what you said was a good point is you know if you are an introverted person maybe making connections online and then meeting people in person is kind of the the roadmap you need to take as opposed to just showing up at an event and thinking you're going to get pulled into a group because i think very much you you have to approach those groups you're not going to they're just not going to come pull you you know off the sideline and then bring you in uh all right i think with that we need to take a little break and hear from the partners and sponsors of the swing nation podcast and then when we get back we're going to go over some uh more stuff about clicks we're going to talk about how to avoid uh appearing to be cliquish and then maybe some some more ways to to break down those barriers of those groups okay all right we'll be right back guys we here at the swing nation podcast are proud to partner with promessant listen guys we've all been there you're having a hot night with a hot chick maybe a few hot chicks but you need to kind of delay the time before you pull that trigger that's where promessant comes in they have this awesome product called the delay spray you literally spray it on and it delays the time that you orgasm so you can make sure that your partner is well taken care of. And as swingers, we're all about making sure our partners are well taken care of. And Promescent Delay Spray is the perfect product for that. Click the link in the show notes below to get yours today. Anxiety can cause ED, like the kind you get while watching your partner with someone else. You're having the time of your life, yet are having stage fright. Most men in the lifestyle use prescription ED medication for this reason. Shameless Care should be your provider. Shameless is less expensive than other companies and has a 50-state network of physicians who are lifestyle- friendly. Use coupon code TSN for $30 off. Shamelesscare.com. The Swing Nation podcast is proud to announce an official partnership with SDC.com. SDC stands for Seek, Discover, Connect. And with over 3 million members in over 50 countries, it's the world's largest lifestyle community and a great place to link up with open-minded couples, singles, and kinksters from around the globe. Whether you're just starting your lifestyle journey or you're an old pro, SDC has something to offer you. With chat rooms, live cams, groups, and blogs, there's always naughty fun to be found. SDC.com also has expert advice, professional articles, and entertaining content to enhance your erotic lifestyle journey. With information about parties, events, clubs, and businesses, SDC is so much more than just a hookup site for swingers. It's truly an epicenter that can keep you plugged into the pulse of the lifestyle community in your area. We personally love the website's ease of use and amazing customer support. They have supported us in our podcast and giving generous donations to our charity fundraising efforts. So if you're looking to connect with like-minded people, click the link in our show notes and sign up for SDC using our affiliate link and receive a full access for 14 days completely free. Make sure you join the Swing nation stc group and send us a message okay all right so we're talking about clicks um well i think what something to go over is some of the i guess some of the dangers in forming a clip like why do you not want to to form like why are clicks bad like where are some of the the dangers to forming a click or having a click let's get into that a little bit okay i like the variety you like variety right so when you form a i know you do i mean that was not on your notes but i thought i'd throw that in there no but yeah so clicks have this scarcity mindset right they believe that there isn't, right? So that like their friends are a limited quantity and they do not want to share them, right? To me, that goes against everything lifestyle. Yeah, I mean, I guess if I just wanted to swap with the same three or four couples that I would be polyamorous. I wouldn't be a swinger. So to me, I like the variety. I variety i mean i also like feeling safe and so i do find comfort in having a couple of couples that i know are like a sure thing we're gonna have fun watching your back yeah they're watching my back but bringing in new couples so it almost lights like a fire that's there i mean that's kind of why we swing right no i agree i think a big part about us in the lifestyle is it you know for me it's all about having new experiences is that if that's going to new places if that's having sex with new people if that's you know trying new positions or new you know groups and ways of doing things that's that's the energy i get as well as like feeding off their energy right that's the reason i love new couples so much is yeah you really feed off their excitement and their energy when they when they you know when you engage with them um if you're a click you know i think a bit you know we've talked about like you know would we ever start a club or would we ever do something like that and we've always said no i don't i don't want to do that because i don't want to go to the same club every weekend with the same group of people um and really you know that's when drama starts to happen that's when you know when you get comfortable with people and it starts to you know not saying there's anything wrong with that we have several couples that we've known for years and are very comfortable with but i just don't want that same mundane every you know couple weekends we go to the same club with the same people to me that doesn't right yeah yeah i think that's what makes it fun i think like to me personally i love the lifestyle because i love that feeling that rush um and i think if you play with the same couples all the time it becomes routine it becomes you know it loses that piece of it which is what I very much crave about the lifestyle. Yeah. All right. Now, point number two of why not to form a clique is every friend group goes through drama. Is that what we want to say? Yeah, you can call it that. Every friend group goes through issues and problems. Mm-hmm. So if you form a clique and it's you and three other couples. One couple has drama. It's going to affect your whole lifestyle. It's going to affect everything about swinging.
Speaker2:
You know what I mean?
Speaker1:
I've heard of couples that won't even go to clubs because they had an issue with another couple. My clique is you, babe.
Speaker2:
Right.
Speaker1:
I think that's what people need to remember. I do this. I swing for me and you. You know, not for this couple or that couple. Even though I care about them and I wish them nothing but the best. But ultimately, it's about you and I. And I think that's important to remember. Yeah. And we've had some falling outs over the years. We have. And they've been very hard hard some very public and some very private yeah uh yeah i think every you know couples are going to go through that and people in the lifestyle are going to go through that uh there's couples that sometimes we're very close with them and we we hang out with them a lot for a few months uh and then maybe we don't see them again for six months yeah uh but then when we see him you know six months later it's like it's like yeah um so i think you know i don't like to portray that the lifestyle has a bunch of drama in it but whenever you bring a group of people together um well there's drama in everything there's gonna be drama there and if you have an exclusive click um and that drama hits it could really upend the whole lifestyle for you and kind of ruin the fun for you. And, you know, then you're, you're stuck picking up the pieces and starting over. Yeah. Um, so having a bigger circle of friends or having multiple circles of friends and not being exclusive to one group, uh, I think is a very beneficial way of engaging in lifestyle lifestyle because when there are issues, it isn't so dramatic on you. Correct. I agree with that. You agree with that? Yeah, I do. I think we've seen that. I can think of examples of that where certain groups, we have several circles of friends. Yeah, we've always had different, depending on what part of the country we're in you know charlotte charlotte north carolina group and atlanta group uh you know a local where we live group a nashville group so definitely now as things have gotten bigger a lot of that is merged together we've intertwined a lot of that but before we were so public there was definitely those groups um and so if there was an issue with one we always have like another one to kind of fall back on does that make sense yeah no yeah no i agree 100 and i think you know when you form these cliques and they're kind of held together with these hierarchies and you know somebody's the leader and then everybody has to conform and you know that's gonna i will say in the lifestyle i've never i know that we get accused of being clique i've never had anything close to that we haven't and i think you know a big kind of what we talked about a big reason we've avoided that is because we bounce around so much yeah i think you had if you know if we went to the same club every saturday yeah it makes total sense like if we like we love trapeze atlanta but if we went to trapeze atlanta every other weekend when we were kid free and that was our only club and the only thing we did i could very much see how you could fall into like a clicky situation but because we only go to trapeze atlanta four or five times a year it's hard to fall in a clique. Yeah. And, you know, we get told about the cliques. You know what I mean? Like when we go, they're like, oh, those are the mean girls of this. Yeah. Well, that's a mean girl group. And that's, oh, they are, you know, they think they, you know, Trapeze, you know, like, you know, we've not had issues. But there's been times when we go there and we bring a group and other groups have had, like, with what we're doing how did they get they bring a group back here and you know and things like that so i don't you know i don't i hate to even bring light to some of that stuff but it's you know the lifestyle is a social construct and you're gonna have whenever you have a bunch of people together there's gonna be those types of things just like like you said. It's very similar to high school. I mean, if you think about it. I mean, we're partying. We're drinking. We're having fun. Or college, I guess you could say. I mean, people are going to gravitate towards each other. Like-minded people will gravitate towards each other. But I don't think that makes them a click. Right. And that's, I guess, if I was going to, you know, the biggest takeaway from this episode is just because there's a group a group of friends right just because maybe you prefer hanging out with this one couple or a couple couples and maybe you have sex with that couple more than anybody else that doesn't mean that you are a click with them yeah you're only a click if you go out of your way to exclude people from your friend group right or make it virtually impossible to have for people to kind of come within your circle. Yeah, okay, but what you said was very good. But to an outsider, I could see where they could say it's virtually impossible between you and I. Yeah, no, I agree. To break those barriers. One, because if you message us on SLS, SDC, odds are we're going to say thank you for your compliment or thank you, but we're not going to communicate with you. Right. Well, I will say, because I handle a lot of that messaging, basically, if you message us on most of the – if there's a few couples that maybe if they stand out, we might set something up. But for the most part, we say, hey, we'll be at – say 99% of people that reach out to us on a swinger website we don't pursue as far as like a to try to set up a date with them with just them and that has nothing to do with them no yeah it really has to do with like we're just so fucking busy right so most most of the time what we will tell them is hey we you know we'll be at nashville in january uh at the Red Room. We'd love to meet you. Come on out to the event. Okay. So to play devil's advocate, if that couple comes to the Red Room and they're like, hey, we messaged us up. I'm like, hey, how are you? Nice to meet you. I would probably like hug their neck and say thank you for your support. Even if they're drop-dead gorgeous like i'm too fucking busy you know like it's very very hard but that does not mean because i mean doesn't mean because i'm trying to leave people out doesn't mean any of that it means that like there's a lot of people here that have that same perspective as that couple and if i was to sleep with every single Well, one of them damn be a busy girl you know yeah and that that almost seems like pretentious to even say that but i don't know what else to say i mean that's just no i think yeah i think what you're saying is right and you know there's again you know boston couple katie you know uh there's been a half a dozen couples I can think of over the last year who showed up to an event, introduced themselves to us, and we ended up being lifelong, you know, good friends with them. Well, like, so Katie and Ryan, you've heard us talk about them on the podcast, they literally came up to us at Trapeze, and she said, Dan, I want you to make me squirt. Well, we talked to them a little bit before that, but yeah. We did? Yeah. I had did yeah i had a conversation with her at the bar before okay but anyway we had not talked to them like on kick or anything like that but like that just kind of shows like the type of person that you know we didn't sleep with them i mean it took a while it took several months that was in may i don't think we slept with them until the fall yeah no you're right yeah so it's a it's more of like a marathon than a sprint than a sprint i mean the odds of you meeting us and it actually happening is is few and far between right but dan and lacy aside groups of we're talking just generic groups of swingers um to infiltrate what are some ways to infiltrate these groups of friends? Go up and introduce yourself. Yeah. Hi. We think you're hot. My name is Lacey and this is my husband, Dan. How are y'all? Yeah. Where y'all from? Do y'all come to these parties often? This is our first party. Yeah. This is our first one. Tell us what we need to know. um you could pull the dan move and kind of nudge your spouse into bumping into someone i mean we don't recommend domestic violence or anything but like just a little nudge uh worked for us that's how we um that's how we met jersey couple we you know because honestly if you go back to our hito episode we really struggled to make connections at hito we were overwhelmed at hito we were because we we didn't know any we knew one couple two couples there we two uh and it was it felt like we got there and it was like everybody else was full steam like hooking up and doing stuff and we just were kind of like holy shit what did we walk into um so yeah i mean like he kind of backed me into jersey couple and the rest is history we still hang out with him now they'll be in the red room in nashville um what other ways babe uh yeah no i think you have to go you just you have to put your your walls down and go and introduce and talk to people i think um what we talked about like the boston couple there was obviously a connection there but him pulling you to the side and being like man my wife is really into you yeah no he yeah he pulled me to the side and straight told me like my wife's really into you and and i'm really into your wife and i know you guys are busy and you know this and that but you know like yeah if there's an opportunity here i i don't want to miss it and you know yeah it was very just straight up with us and i i appreciated that you know i mean and very much there you know and i get that's you know knowing him he's a very outspoken guy you know i mean that's for him maybe that's easy but a lot of people wouldn't be but you know i think if we look back you know we know a lot of people and we go to a lot of these parties the people that are the most successful and having experiences are like that are the people that put themselves out there yeah um which can be hard you know it's scary to put yourself out like for me who's introverted that seems super scary like for me to go up to another wife and be like, Dan is super into you and I'm super into your husband. That can be scary. But in order to make these connections happen, sometimes you have to do that. Yeah. All right. So let's twist this a little bit, right? If you were going to, you know, and since we do throw parties and events now, if you were talking to a club owner or an event organizer um if you were gonna you know and since we do throw parties and events now if you were talking to a club owner or an event organizer um and you were gonna give them advice on how to host a party or throw a party and not and try to break down some of these clicks how would you what would some advice be to you that you'd give them to try to kind of break this up a little bit i think ice breakers are fun um i know like at trapeze once we did the lock and key party be to you that you'd give them to try to kind of break this up a little bit i think ice breakers are fun um i know like at trapeze once we did the lock and key party so the females got a lock and the males got a key and then it kind of forced you to talk to people that maybe you wouldn't have talked you're trying to figure out if you're yeah you know they did what like necklaces or something yeah so he had to find your color or something they did lace and you had to find your match so it required you to talk to people you know a lot of the like resort type parties they do a lot of things that require you to talk to other people so i think that definitely helps um i do know that at a club atmosphere that's kind of hard but it can be done yeah uh what about clubs um when new people show up to a club that never have been there what what are some things you've seen that clubs do that are tours or i yeah if you're new to a club if you get there early if you ask for a tour a lot of times they will i know if they're like usually saturday nights like they're super busy so if you get there in the middle of like crazy time they may not be able to but if you get there right when they open a lot of times if you ask for a tour they'll give you one which is really important because a lot of times you get in there it's dark it's crowded you don't really have any idea what is what so i think that's important yeah um i've seen the the speed dating thing yeah i've seen that which is a good you know they did that at naughty and i think they did did they do it at one of the splash i can't remember if they did a splash or not but we've seen where they you know they give an opportunity at least for people to go and do like a speed date which is just couples rotating and talking to each other for a minute and then you know even i don't know if it was a minute but kind of rotating and doing like speed dating type activities it's a good way to mix mix things up a lot of different groups will have what they call host couples so they'll you know and this is kind of maybe the regular couples the couples that go there a lot and these host couples are kind of their their mission yeah like they're like the mentor like they're there to like be a liaison between the club or the event and because they will kind of know if you go to the same club every weekend in a newbie walks in everybody knows who those newbies are right yes and so these host couples will scoop them up ask them you know give them a tour talk to them maybe introduce them to a few other couples and kind of just get them to start mingling i think that's i love seeing that when people in groups but i think it's also important for people that have been in the lifestyle that see people do it like maybe like you see that couple that they're standing in the corner and they look like a deer in headlights and they're like holy shit what did i just walk into i think as a couple that have been around if you see that i think that is a good way of stopping and being like how are y'all are y'all good come on let's you know even kylie sexy swinger chicks she talks about the first time that she went to a swinger party or a club they were at the bar and the bartender was like you do realize you have to talk to people you cannot just sit here drink all night and assume that something's gonna happen yeah so i think like people like that that give a little nudge but in a respectful way i think it's important i think a lot of people that have been in the lifestyle for any any amount of time um sometimes they forget what it's like to feel like those first few times you come. We forget.
Speaker2:
We forget. And then a lot of people even don't want to deal with that. You know, you hear a lot of people that are veterans in the lifestyle, like, I don't want to deal with newbies. I don't want to be someone's mistake. I don't want to babysit somebody.
Speaker1:
I don't want to babysit.
Speaker2:
We've never felt that way.
Speaker3:
Never.
Speaker1:
We, you know, sometimes it takes a little bit more patience, a little bit more word to kind of help them get to the point where they're ready to do the things that you want to do with them, but it can be very rewarding. And you also don't have to sleep with someone to be a good human, you know, you can, you can kind of try to help someone along or give them advice without actually being the one that sleeps with them first. So I think as veterans in the lifestyle, I think it's important for us to remember that yeah no i think that's a that's a huge point right and nobody i think in the lifestyle wants to form these clicks nobody wants to be known as clicky everybody wants to avoid that lifestyle and i think it's really all of us if we all do a little part right can make especially new couples experience all that much better is if we just do things like what you're saying you see that couple with the deer in the headlights approach them if you see that new couple walk into your club approach them talk to them introduce them to people if you see you know people that look scared or you know just just be welcoming just be a kind person like it doesn't take a lot of extra work and i get that like you're drinking you're having fun you have like you want to get laid that night like you want to do right you have your priorities yeah so i think sometimes we have to stop and think about that and you know like the gentleman who called us out for being clicky i do think his approach was wrong but he did have valid points and i think that's why this podcast is important i think that you know sometimes we have to be made aware of that to really look internally no yeah yeah he called us out for the lc event and if you listen to that podcast we we hung out for a little bit but very early on in the night recorded that podcast before he called us out which is funny because we kind of called ourself out in the podcast we talked about it we're like we went back to the room at 10 30 and we're fucking you know and like somebody could say oh that's cliquish but really we were just having a badass time wanting to fuck our friends you know but like on the flip side to him that seemed clicky because he felt like he wanted to have opportunity to like chat with us and he felt like he didn't get that because it was a smaller event it wasn't like a secrets or something like that that he would have that opportunity and he didn't um so i get that but because of that you know we're like okay so we need to be mindful of of these things um but there again is a fine line because we we paid just like everybody else to go to that party well yeah no and i think you know we wanted to fuck our friends too we wanted to have fun right we didn't purposely exclude him and his wife we just just the chain of events that night led us to it was 10 30 we were in our room everybody's feeling, you know. So, I don't think the click label is appropriate for us for that particular night. But I do, like you were saying, understand his perspective. And I think that's, again, why we're talking about clicks is, you know, a lot of it is because of, you know, things that we've been told and heard over the last year. And we just kind of wanted to clarify that and put some perspective perspective on it yeah no i totally agree all right uh so if people want to come to a party or an event with us um that's not clicky where can they find not intentionally clicky i mean really and truly if we if we appear clicky i get it and i i can't say that if i was in your shoes i wouldn't feel the same way but i don't think anything is done with malicious intent exactly yeah i think that's the difference here so um all our events are listed on swingersociety.net um you can find all of our events our next big event is january 27th and 28th at nashville and thanks to. Man who called us out, we are now having a lunch. Luncheon, yeah. We're having a luncheon. So if you're not on the Discord server, you need to get on there. Or you can register at swingerscited.net. We are sending out emails every Friday now. So you can get information about this, stuff like this. We are going to do a lunch at like noon or somewhere in Nashville. I don i don't know the name but it's on the flyer so we will um it's another opportunity that we're not drinking that we're not partying that we're not getting pulled in a thousand different directions that we can chat and get to know our followers and our friends and i'm excited the community the community yeah yeah all right and then what else what's after What's after Red Room? So after Red Room, we will be attending LSC's Lifestyle Connections Valentine's Day party. We are not hosts, guys. We paid our money. We are not on the party floor. We are not hosting a shot room. We are paid. Members. Members. We're going there to party and fuck our friends. Yeah. So if you want to come and watch us party and fuck our – well, you probably can't watch us fuck our friends because we'll be in a hotel room with the door shut. But if you want to come and, you know, say hello or, you know, whatever, please do so. LSE, they throw a badass party. That's just why we talk about them because they're – it's fun. After that, we have Secrets in in march march 9th and 10th sure something like that 11th something like that yeah 9th through 11th something like that it's where's meg she's probably in the lab um she that's secrets is like our super bowl kind i know it's called hito in the last episode um super bowl but for us for Swinger Society. Secrets is like our Super Bowl kind. I know I was called Hedo in the last episode, Super Bowl. But for us, for Swingers Society, Secrets is our big thing. And this Secrets is going to be so much fun. It's going to be Swingers Spring Break. So, Friday night is 90s theme. So, bring out your fanny packs and your MC Hammer pants. Yeah, your baggy jeans. Your neon.
Speaker3:
And show up.
Speaker2:
Your Walkman. Your Walkman. Yeah.
Speaker1:
I even looked on Amazon for one of those old-fashioned phones. Like a flip phone? No, like the big box one, like Saved by the Bell. And then Saturday night is Swinger Prom. So I'm going full glam, ladies. I know a lot of people. They're all asking about what you're wearing. Yeah, they're all asking. It's March 10th and 12th. May came in clutch. But I'm going full glam. 10th to the 12th. So, 10th, 11th to 12th. Yes. Gotcha. So, I'm wearing probably a dress to the floor, sparkles, updo. You're going to wear some sort of tux-ish. Tux underwearish tux underwear i mean whatever yeah but i don't care what you wear i'm worried about me i heard a lot of guys saying like um you know maybe wearing a vest yeah i like that idea yeah because it's hot it's orlando um but we're i mean we sold a lot of rooms yeah we have like 40 rooms available there's only yeah so there's at secrets there's about 140 rooms and i think we're down to like 40 maybe even a little under 40 now so if you want to come to secrets uh yeah the event's not till march um so go go to swingerside.net get you a room uh the good rooms are going left and right there's there's not many left um but we get you a room yeah Yeah. It's going to be epic. It is going to be epic. We're looking forward to it. Yeah. So, I'm really excited about that. After that, we have Hedo. We have Splash Atlanta, Naughty in New Orleans. The Bliss Cruise. Bliss Cruise. Another secret event, so stay tuned. If you can't make it to the March Secrets, we will do another one in the fall. just come sign up for swing society.net just it's where you want to be i'm telling you we're going to give you the biggest parties in america and internationally um we're going to tell you where they're at you don't need to be on any of these other websites we're going to we're going to tell you where the party where you want to be at we'll let you know we'll plan your whole year for you so come on over and it's been blowing up we've been having like 50 people a day join in the last like week or two yeah it's been really good so that's it that's it all right that's all we got um i think hopefully we clarified some things on clicks you know they exist they're out there it's a thing uh we try very very hard not to to do that and uh we're going to continue to try uh and even harder i think going forward yeah and if i mean we're always open to constructive criticism let's make that very clear if you're just going to bash us then maybe not keep it to yourself but if you genuinely see things that we could do better at we're all ears because let's be honest we stumbled into this scene like i mean we never thought we would be hosting and in podcast we never thought so we're learning as we go so if you have some constructive criticism we're all ears and the swing nation at gmail.com we'd love to hear from you yeah okay i think with that guys in a world full of apples be the pineapple be the pineapple guys bye bye if you've enjoyed our podcast and want to support us leave a five-star review wherever you're listening if you want to see more of of our content, you can find links to Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, OnlyFans, and more in the show notes. Come join the conversation with us and other Swinger content creators on our Swinger Society Discord server. If you have questions or feedback, email them to us at theswingnation at gmail.com. Make sure you head on over to theswingnation.net and keep up to date on all things Swing Nation. We thank you so much for joining us, and we'll see you next time.com. Make sure you head on over to the swing nation.net and keep up to date on all things swing nation. We thank you so much for joining us and we'll see you next time. Goodbye.
