Send us Fan MailThe Swing Nation PodcastLifestyle Education: How to talk to your partner about Swinging | Episode 82In this swinger podcast episode, Dan and Lacy give you detailed advice on how to talk to your partner about swinging. If you are looking to start your lifestyle journey but just don t know how to talk to your partner about it, then this is the episode for you! From gauging your partners interest, to how to discuss fantasies, and what it means to set boundaries, everything you need to know is in this episode of The Swing Nation Podcast!ASN Awards_______________ - The Swing Nation - Main Website Quick Navigation Website: -- (Find all our social media links more!) Follow us on Facebook! The Podcast Website_______________ - Swinger Society - Our Website to meet, connect events Swinger Society Discord Our Facebook Group_______________ - Swinger Websites - SDCUsername: TheSwingNation** Use code 36313 for 14 days free! ** SLSUsername: NorthernGuynSouthernGirl_______________ - Merch More - The Swing Nation Merch The Swinger Pride Flags Swinger Society Merch_______________ - Lacy’s Fun Links - VIP OnlyFans PREMIUM OnlyFans _______________ -- THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS -- Shameless Care: ED Medication and at home STD testingUse Code TSN at checkout for $30 off your order! Promescent® Make Love Longer, It’s Time for Great SexUse Code SwingNation for 5% off! Pinaq Liqueur; The Official Drink of The Swing NationUse Code TSN at checkout for 15% off! Non-monogamy Couples Course and Single Guy Mastery CourseUse Code ATLANTA for 50% off!Support the show- Thank you for the support! -
Transcript
This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18, it contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice. Welcome to the Swing Nation podcast, a podcast by swingers for swingers, where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle.
Come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe, interview the experts, learn and grow together. Join the nation. Lacey, we get approached by couples all the time and they want to know, like, where can they learn the one-on-ones of non-monogamy? Yeah, I totally get it. You want to get in the lifestyle, but you just don't know where to start.
We recommend Sex by Sue's class on non-monogamy yeah i totally get it you want to get in the lifestyle but you just don't know where to start we recommend sex by sue's class on non-monogamy she really helps couples learn how to communicate and do the lifestyle the correct way yeah i think this lifestyle you know it's crucial not to to step on the landmines that a lot of us do yeah and you kind of learn the hard way you know so having a class can take online, you know, in the privacy of your own home and kind of learn the ins and outs, learn, you know, how to approach the lifestyle, how to communicate with your partner about it.
You know, I think it's something worth taking and we highly recommend it. Yeah. So click below in the show notes. You'll find this link for that course. Check it out, guys. Bye. Most people have unprotected oral sex, right? Be honest. Now think about your last STD test. Did your doctor tickle your throat with something that looked like a giant Q-tip? Probably not. Yet that's the only way to check for oral gonorrhea or chlamydia, which are often asymptomatic. You need a better doctor. You need shamelesscare.com. Use coupon code TSN at checkout.
So Lacey, people are asking, how do they get to go to a party or an event with us? They check out swingersociety.net. You create a profile, you sign up for an event, and you come hang out with us. Super easy.
That that's right if you want to party with us and the other faces and names that you know from social media and tiktok head on over to swingersociety.net can't wait to see you there hey there pineapple people and welcome to the swing nation podcast we are your hosts northern guy and southern girl in today's episode we'll be talking to you about um a subject that comes up i think almost daily this is probably like our number one asked question why haven't we done this podcast i think we've been kind of maybe avoiding it a little a little bit we have uh it's kind of a touchy subject i think we don't have a lot of personal experience in this so that maybe that's why yeah maybe but anyway we are going to be talking to you about how to talk to your partner about swinging yeah like if you want to get in the lifestyle if you're interested in it but you don't know how to communicate that to your spouse we're just gonna kind of talk through it full disclosure we met in the lifestyle i was a single female he was a single male i messaged him on a swinger's website so we have in fact never had to have this conversation with each other, we had lots of conversations about what that looked like for us or, you know, if we were going to be monogamous or not monogamous or, you know, if we were going to be swingers, what our rule is about.
I mean, we've had all the conversations. But yes, we are not the couple that was married for 10, 20 years and one of us went together and said, hey, I'm really interested in this thing called swinging.
I'd like to that we've never never done that and i guess that's for me that's kind of why like even when people come into like my tiktok lives and ask that question i'm like well i don't know because i've never had to do that you know there's so many people on tiktok now that are talking about swinging there's so many other couples that have had these conversations i kind of felt like they were better to answer that however we do have a podcast and people want to know so i but i do think that we have enough knowledge on the swinger lifestyle and we have so many friends that have gotten into the lifestyle after you know being married for a while or or whatever the conversation had to come out so i feel like we have enough knowledge to speak on it but full disclosure we never had to have this conversation i think that's important to talk about that's a good it's a good uh something that was important to note but yeah like you said this is a conversation we've had this conversation with several of our um our friends you know like you know because it's It's something that we all get asked.
And I think so we've all kind of compared notes on, you know, what really is the best way. Well, when you meet a new couple, that's like one of the first things you ask, like, how'd you get in the lifestyle? And so you hear these type stories often. So I think like the years of experience of hearing other couples, we can like kind of put all the notes together and deliver them to people. Yeah, because there definitely are some some good ways of doing it and some not so good ways of doing it.
And we're going to we're going to dive into, I think, some of some of that and get as much information out there as we can. All right. So I think something to to start with, right, is bringing up the topic of swinging to your partner that is a sensitive subject to bring up it is if i come to you and you know if me and lacy are married for 10 years and we're in in marriage bliss and i come to you and i say hey i think i'd really like to fuck other people i would immediately be pissed off at you. You would be upset, right? Yeah, because my knee-jerk reaction would be, am I not good enough?
Is sex with me not enough? Do I not fulfill something? Why do you need something else? That would be, even as open-minded as I am, I'd still think that that sentence would hurt me. Right. So, I mean, I think, I really think that that's important to just put that in your mind just before you even start thinking about this, right? Is if you approach your partner and you approach them with, I'd like to do this, or I feel like I need to do this, they're immediately going to feel inadequate.
to feel inadequate and it's you're you're starting drama before you even really start to have a conversation yeah i just think that warrants a defensive response in my opinion like if someone came to me and said that i would immediately get defensive as to what about me is not sufficient in our marriage yeah and i And I think as of you know talk about some of the do's and don'ts here you know i think another thing to consider is if if you're wanting to go to your partner um to bring this subject up because you just want to fuck other people that you probably need to reevaluate why you're heading in this direction right correct because this lifestyle even though it looks it appears from the outside to be like amazing and fun and hot and it is those things it's a lot of fucking work so yes you do get to fuck other people but you have to do a lot of work to get there it's not just like hey we want to be swingers tomorrow we go to a swingers club and we fuck everybody it's takes a lot of personal growth a lot of growth within your relationship it's not easy yeah and it's you know we talk about it we make take talks about it we talk about this all the time is you know to be a non-monogamous couple you really have to and be successful i should add you really have to put in a lot of hard work behind the scenes you really have to do a lot of self-reflection you have to look at your own jealousy and insecurities um you have to look at your partner's jealousy and insecurities and be able to navigate i mean there's going to be emotions involved in this process and you have to be prepared to deal with those yeah you're definitely going to stumble along the way you know you're going to fuck up you're even if you it's easy to decide to get into the lifestyle you're going to make mistakes you're going to have to have hard questions or you're going to have to really dive deep to make this work so if you're looking for a quick fix i just want to fuck someone this is not where you need to go.
Also, just like a side note, I get the question a lot. How do I convince my partner to swing? First of all, we're not convincing anyone to do anything. It should be a journey that you decide to do together because it very much is a together type situation. Even if you swing separately, you still have to communicate and do a lot of things together. So we're just going to stop there. We're not convincing anybody. We're not talking anybody into it. That's just not what we're doing here. Right. I don't know. When you say that, like, how do I convince somebody?
It's almost like you're trying to trick them into it or something like that like manipulate them into doing what you want to do starting with that idea of i have to somehow trick my partner into agreeing to this like that's you're on the wrong footing to agree and you're just you're already headed for disaster so you you really need to get you and your partner have to be on the same page that this is something that you want to do together nobody can really be convincing or dragging somebody else into it correct because there you know that just sets yourself up for a disaster i mean resentment i mean you could put yourself in a divorce like people ask you swingers do you see a lot?
Not really, but in a situation like this, if you force someone to be a swinger, you're kind of setting yourself up for that. Yeah. I think that's where that stigma comes to is I do think that couples that are kind of don't have a good sex life, maybe they don't have a good marriage, they're looking to try to fix things.
Sometimes they turn to this lifestyle as kind of a band-aid to try to fix problems they already have and we you know if i can tell you anything that that's not going to work and you're going to end up probably where you're going to end up anyway but divorced and um i don't really view that as swingers getting divorced i view that as a monogamous couple that tried to use swinging to fix their relationship and that that failed but yeah um i do get why stigma exists in society. I do too.
Another thing to note before we even really get into this is, and you brought this up just a minute ago before we turn the mics on, but I think gentlemen or anybody, before you go to your partner and bring this up to them, swinging is not just you having, for most couples, but your partner's also going to be participating in this and i feel like a lot of people forget that right they're like oh it sounds really cool to go fuck other people but they forget that that means that their partner is going to be fucking other people as well that's part of the yeah like having sex with like new people is super exciting and super fun but what happens when you look over and your husband or your wife is like being pleasured and coming how is that going to make you feel I think that's something that people really need to stop and think about because what if she's making a noise that she's never made with you or he is doing something that he's never done with you.
Like these are all things that might possibly happen. And before you really go to your partner, you need to think about all of these things. Right. If you're in an emotional and mental state to be able to handle that. Yeah. And I didn't go as far to say those things are going to happen. They are. If you do this long enough, those things are going to happen. Your partner is going to experience things that they haven't experienced with you. And those are going to trigger sounds and moans and maybe squirting across the room. And that's a good thing. That's something to be celebrated.
But it can trigger, again, insecurities and things within yourself. And you really do have to self-evaluate. I think a lot of people, when they first start lifestyle all they think about is what do i get out of this yeah i agree and they kind of forget that that their partner is there and that their partner is going to be experiencing things and they they really have to you know think of if they're prepared for that so i think that's important to know and something really to to reflect on it within yourself before you even think of bringing the subject up to your partner. Correct. I agree.
Okay. So you've thought about all these things and you've decided, yes, okay, I want, you know, I do have these desires. I do have these fantasies. I would like to explore that and I want to have a conversation with my partner.
so what i have is step one is really gauge what you think your partner's interest would be in non-monogamy and swinging right so what are some ways you think that you could gauge your partner's interest in this lifestyle um there's lots of tv shows that bring up swinging um you could put one on you know intentionally slash you know not intentionally and when that scene or when that you know part of the show comes on see how they react um ask questions about it like was that something you ever think about doing or oh my god that's crazy I could never imagine you know just whatever just kind of like chit chat about it don't make it a big thing just kind of make it a casual thing just gauge their interest yeah we we hear that a lot with couples that they kind of say like well this started as a joke or it started as a dare or it started as something you know like yeah a lot of couples it's not like they sit down and like you know i want to swing what do you think about this or you know i'd really like to see you know like a lot of couples kind of like i heard there's this resort in jamaica that where there were swears go and nudists yeah you know like oh i heard this there's campground in georgia or this this resort in orlando or you know like they just kind of talk about it and just casually bring it up and to gauge your partner's interest to see kind of like you know if if your partner goes oh my god i would never do that okay so there you go you got engaged you know like for instance when swinging was brought up to me the first time um by next boyfriend he mentioned it after we had gotten done having sex like there was this club where you could have sex in in public it wasn't he didn't bring up swinging it was more of like Thank you.
he mentioned it after we had gotten done having sex like there was this club where you could have sex in in public it wasn't he didn't bring up swinging it was more of like you could have sex in public and that and watch other people have sex and as a female I left you know that night and went home and I found myself the next day thinking about that like that was super hot to me to be watched or have someone watch. And so I actually brought it back up to him. So, you know, I mean, it could just be something very simple, just kind of like a little drop of something and just see what they say.
Yeah. And I would imagine, you know, I was in a monogamous relationship for 13 years.
And, you know, in that did things like watch porn with my partner right and there was times we watched threesome porn or a couple porn or you know whatever you name it and so you know like if you're watching gangbang porn together and your partner's getting horny as fuck like there's some level of interest there right yeah like that's that's pretty clear to me now that doesn't mean necessarily that they want to be a swinger but yeah it does mean that there are some kind of fantasies in their mind that that is arousing to them so that's probably a good sign right now if they never watch porn maybe they would never even watch porn you know like um maybe that's a signal in the opposite way but i think these are all good ways um i've I've heard there's an HBO swing show that's out there that people have talked about.
They watch that with their partner. There's several movies about swinging. A lot of them are not very good and kind of display swinging in a bad light. And people end up divorced. And all the drama you hear about, they kind of overemphasize in a lot of these movies.
So maybe if the ending of the movie is the couple getting divorced, that's not one you want to watch and use to bring up to your partner but um there's podcasts out there uh there's lots of good podcasts uh you know you could hey i heard this podcast where this couple you know or hey i saw this couple on tiktok we've heard there's been several couples that have emailed us or approached us at different events and said i saw you on tiktok and that started the conversation or you know we there's one couple we know that said, they were both watching Lacey on TikTok, but didn't know each other were watching Lacey.
And then somehow they figured it out and they were like, that's one thing. It's kind of crazy, huh? And they were like, yeah, but kind of cool, right? Like, yeah.
You know, so there's a million ways I think to start that conversation, but you really need to gauge your partner's interest um and if they're flat not interested it might not be in the cards for you yeah and we've had friends that their partners have mentioned it and they were like absolutely not and then they waited a few more years and mentioned it again and you know maybe that time it was no and then maybe the third time it was you know oh maybe so i mean i think you have to gauge your partner's interest but also know that like especially for women there's a huge difference between me and my like late 20s versus mid 30s right so if i had been in a monogamous marriage well i was but during that time period and they had brought it up to me in my 20s honestly I wasn't secure enough in myself to even hear that where if it was brought up into my 30s I might have been okay maybe you know it also is seasons of life like if you are a new mom and you've got like a one or two year old and you're running around and can barely sleep or barely do anything and your husband says, hey, let's be swingers, I'd be laughing his face.
Because you're just not at a season of life where that lifestyle even seems plausible.
But fast forward, your kids are 15 and 18 or maybe they're going off to college and your husband brings it up or your wife brings it up that may be like okay well our kids are getting older and we have more free time so why not so I just think that like you have to really consider you know all the things in your life there's so many variables um I think also too to mention is we don't know your partner you know you know your partner a lot of people come on my tiktoks and they're like how do i convince my partner well i don't know anything about your partner yeah first don't convince them but second what if your your partner grew up in a very religious household and is still very religious and goes to church every single sunday and then you drop this swinger bomb they could probably lose their shit you know like or what if they have sexual trauma that you know maybe they're still recovering for there's so many different things that could happen in a person's life that bringing up sleeping with other people being in a non-monogamous relationship could i mean just, you could get so many different answers.
And I just think that's something to be mindful of. No, I agree. I agree with everything you said a hundred percent. And that really goes to only you can gauge your partner. You should know your partner well enough to know that if this is even a subject that you can broach. And if it's not, or if you don't think it is, then maybe you need to let it go. You know what I mean? Or wait for a season of life to when it could be a conversation. I think all that is super important and worth noting. Okay.
So if you do think there is some interest there or you feel comfortable that your partner is at least open to the idea or open-minded enough to at least have the conversation. That's kind of the next step, right? Yeah. At some point, it has to transition from this, ha, we shouldn't be swingers, you know, to. But I know people that have been that, ha, we're going to be swingers, like, or maybe we will, maybe we won't for years. And, you know, they kind of kid and talk about it. So don't lose hope.
i'm saying is at some point you have to transition from this hey you know we watch porn or we're you know if you if you want to pursue this path to to we really have to have a real conversation about this right we have to instead of it just being pillow talk instead of it just being a you know tv show or a tiktok at some point you have to be like you know what i do have some of these fantasies or another way and this is kind of the way we usually tell people to do it yeah is go to your partner and ask them what their fantasies are right yeah i think that's much well maybe let's say this let me think about how to this.
It's received better when you make it about your partner and not about yourself. Because saying, I want to be a swinger, I want to sleep with other people is pretty damn selfish, you know. But if you make it about your partner and your partner's fantasies and your partner's needs, that's one, it's hot. And two, it's just received better.
You know, it comes across a little bit nicer i don't know no you're right that's 100 right because you know again it goes back to where how we started this lacy i want to fuck other people it goes from that to lacy what are your fantasies or you know like what if i said oh i've always wanted to be with a girl okay so there he's in right he's in um which nine times out of ten most winger couples start with wanting to add a female it's a very common thing um and I think all women probably have at some point thought about being with a girl so it is an easy way in it's kind of a soft way into the left side I get why it happens but i just think that's so it just seems nicer you know like it's just it's so much better than i want to go fuck this chick yeah if you go to your partner and you're essentially saying i need more than you that's going to be received negatively but if you go to your partner and say what are your fantasies and then these are my fantasies yeah and how can we make your fantasies come true or what or hey i heard there are places where we can go and have sex and people can watch that's one of our fantasies or i heard these apps where you can find other couples or single females or single males um to explore you know and you approach it that way that's such it's such a better way of doing it oh it is but just like we said before if you ask those questions what are your fantasies you have to be prepared for their answer so like let's say dan asked me what is my fantasies and what if i said i want to be railed by like five guys in one night like you have to be prepared to hear that because that'll check you real quick to hear your spouse say that they want to be fucked or do whatever with so many people.
I mean, you have to be prepared for what you may hear, even though it's your idea. You don't know. Your wife or your husband may be a closet freak and just waiting for this conversation. Right. No, and I think that's important. And I also think, you know, people might go to their partner with these questions, right? Like, oh, tell me your fantasies. But as soon as I ask you that and you tell me yours, what's the very next step? Well, what's yours? Right. Yeah.
And so you have to be prepared for that question and also feel comfortable to open and share that, right right so if i come to you and you say my fantasies are having sex with three dudes at the same time right and then you say well what are your fantasies and i say well my fantasies are having three sex with three girls at the same time like we have to be on a mutual ground where i know that i'm not going to get pissed off by your answer but i also know that you're not going to get pissed off by your answer, but I also know that you're not going to get pissed off by my answer.
So maybe lay those boundaries up front, right? And to be honest, in the very early stages of swinging or starting these conversations, that's hard. It's very much a learned behavior, you know, because we are taught by society that monogamy is like the only way. And if you do anything different, you're wrong and you're bad and you're going to hell and you know, you're a terrible human. So you're kind of breaking all of these bound or like norms that I guess society has put on us. So saying all these things out loud can be very, very hard.
So I just need to be mindful of that and hearing your partner say that is hard and it's just you might get upset it's the further you get into your swinging journey the better at hearing and receiving and communicating your needs and wants will be so in the beginning beginning you're going to fuck up. Yeah. We all do. And I, you know, I think to kind of caveat off that, I just read a study online, I think it was you gov.something. They just did a study of couples and asked some questions about non-monogamy. And it's like one third of the couples, and this is a, I think a blind study.
So that, you know, they knew that nobody was going to see their answers. One third of the couples admitted that a non-monogamous, someone's form of essentially not being purely monogamous was their ideal relationship, right? One third of couples said that. It's like one in eight couples admitted to having sex with somebody besides their primary partner with their partner's permission.
One out of eight, right right and then one out of five admitted to having sex with somebody other than the partner without their partner's permission right it's like 20 of the people out there are cheating on their partner and their partner their partner doesn't know so you know i definitely think society this myth of monogamy that you know everybody's monogamous i don't think that's true right yeah and it was something like 93 percent of the people polled said that they have fantasies about having a threesome 93 percent of the people right so before you go to your partner you like you know feel some resolve in the fact that you you are not weird if you have these types of fantasies if you want to have sex with more than just one person the rest of your life you are in the in the majority not the minority right yeah um and and i think that's important to know i think there's so many people that think they're weird or think it's you know we're taught that well one person should satisfy all of your sexual needs and you should never even fantasize about other people and if you do like you're you're a bad husband or a bad wife and, you know, and you should go repent, right?
I don't think that's necessarily the truth. I don't think that's the ground. I think we're, in society, we're kind of faking the funk on that, pretending like that's how we all feel. But in reality, when we know people aren't listening or people aren't going to find out about what we're really saying, we kind of all admit that actually it'd be kind of nice to have sex with other people besides just my partner once a while. Yeah.
Um, so I, you know, you have to acknowledge that and you have to be comfortable sharing that with your partner and your partner has to be confident enough to realize it's not a personal attack on them. If your partner says to you, actually it would be kind of nice to have a different dick once in a while or a vagina or it is fun. I agree.
And I can tell personal experience it is 100 fun and um it doesn't really take away from our relationship yeah if anything it enhances it right okay so once you go over fantasies right um then it's kind of the okay these are the kinds of things we would like to explore but then you have to well, if we're going to do that, what are our rules and boundaries going to be, right? We've got to establish some ground rules between me and you about if we're going to explore this lifestyle, what are the do's and don'ts for us? Yeah, I agree.
And honestly, in my opinion, you shouldn't do anything in the beginning.
i think so many people rush in to swinging they're like okay so we we want to do it we want to fuck someone else let's just go do it let's just go fuck someone else you know and you you kind of rush into it you trip over yourself and you probably fuck it up you know how many people have come to us and said the first experience was like crappy you know or terrible or whatever um my advice is don't do anything just go just go to a swinger club make it a weekend you know most people don't live in big cities so find the nearest big city go for the weekend get a hotel room tell your family you're just going on a couple's weekend um and just go just immerse yourself in the atmosphere don't swing with anybody don't kiss anybody maybe dance you know i'm okay with that but just go and take it all in you know like and then leave like let's say you go friday and saturday night you go friday night you've just taken them so you're gonna be nervous as fuck you're probably gonna drink too much because you're nervous as fuck but like you'll be a wallflower the whole night yeah go back you'll probably have hot sex um and talk about what you saw go to lunch next i talk about what you saw talk about how it made you feel talk about like if something you saw really made you mad or if that was your partner how would you talk about all those things and then go back saturday night do it again i still don't think you should do anything i still i mean and i know people have stumbled into the lifestyle and fully swapped on their first time you know anywhere, anywhere, and it's worked out for them.
But my thing is, what if it doesn't work out? What if something bad happens? You know, I would just much rather you be cautious and take your time. And let's say you don't like it. Let's say you get there and your husband and your wife hates it. Okay, guess what? You didn't fuck anybody. You didn't cross any boundaries.
boundaries all you did was take a weekend just the two of you and went and checked something out you know i just think so many people rush into it and it's just not necessary yeah no i agree with what you're saying i think you know your advice is very sound advice but ultimately i think every couple is going to be different and and they have to decide what oh 100 they do have to decide like i said we didn't have so many friends that the first time at a swingers club fucked other people and it was totally fine and i just i don't know i you do what you want to do what you're saying is i think sound advice and probably the safest way that you can kind of approach this lifestyle right yeah just go slow i agree and i would i i would i would say that i would mirror that advice that would be my advice as well but you know I don't think there's just couples out there that are going to do what they're going to do and you know no matter what uh we say and and really that's fair only only they can decide oh for sure like if you know your spouse and it's either like shit or get off the pot I hate that saying but like you know it's either like do it or let's move on and that that's fine do you but as someone who has seen people succeed and people fail at this my advice was to go slow but to go at your own pace yeah uh but i do think you know have those conversations of okay if we go is it okay if i if i kiss somebody is okay if i dance with somebody is it okay if i grab their ass is it okay if i all of these conversations you really have to talk in depth about everything that could happen what you're okay with what you're not okay, and you have to be on the same page about that.
And I do really think going in set those rules and don't change them once you get there. Correct. That is a mistake we see all the time. People start getting drunk and then, you know, one partner gets excited and they go to the other partner and they say, actually, I think it'd be okay with a soft swap tonight. And then other partners may be a little bit drunk, but they're also like in a group of people and they don't want to be the one to say no and kind of ruin the night. So they go along with it. But then the next day when they get their partner home, they're like, what the fuck?
You know, you told me we weren't doing that and then you manipulated me into it. Like, fuck you. You know, you don't go down that path. Right. So set your boundaries, whatever they are. I suggest Lacey's, but if you want to do different, that's fine. But set them, stick to them, right? Have an experience, go, come back, talk about it, go over your boundaries again, adjust if you want to, set them, go.
And it doesn't matter if you're going to a club, it doesn't matter if you're meeting a couple at a bar, if you're going out to coffee with a couple, you know, whatever the thing is that you guys have decided to do, there's a thousand different ways you can kind of broach this lifestyle. And we got, you know, other podcasts about all that. But, you know, there's resorts, there's hotel takeovers that you can go to a bar with just a couple. You can meet a couple at a hotel, you know, any of the things. Just set clear boundaries and stick to that. Yeah, I agree. All right.
I think with that, we need to take a little break and hear from the partners and sponsors of the Swing Nation podcast. And I'll see you next time. and stick to that. Yeah, I agree. All right. I think with that, we need to take a little break and hear from the partners and sponsors of the Swing Nation podcast. And then when we get back, we're going to go over the rest of our steps that we recommend to get couples into the lifestyle. Okay. Because we want you here. We do. We want you part of the team. We want you Team Pineapple. Yeah. All right. We'll be right back, guys.
We here at the Swing Nation podcast are proud to partner with Promescent. Listen, guys, we've all been there. You're having a hot night with a hot chick, maybe a few hot chicks, but you need to kind of delay the time before you pull that trigger. That's where Promescent comes in. They have this awesome product called the Delay Spray. You literally spray it on. And it delays the time that you orgasm. So you can make sure that your partner is well taken care of. And as swingers, we're all about making sure our partners are well taken care of.
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So if you're looking to connect with like-minded people, click the link in our show notes and sign up for STC using our affiliate link and receive a full access for 14 days completely free. Make sure you join the Swing Nation STC group and send us a message. All right, guys, welcome back. Welcome back. We appreciate you listening to our sponsors. We love our sponsors. Were you waiting for me to say it? Yeah, you were looking at me like, I don't know.
But, you know, especially, you know, we got a couple events coming up, and we've been kind of packing bags, and, you know, we opened some bottles of Panac from Panac, and we got condoms and lube and stuff from Promescent and, you know, all this stuff. And, you know, I think I really, it's at times like this when you see them come through, you know, we're helping raise money for NCSF and stuff like that and see everybody get involved and be supporting that, all that. Um, that's what I really appreciate them guys. For sure. They, um, are big supporters of all the things that we do.
And especially when we raise money. So it's like SDC, Formescent. They always make sure that we have whatever we need to raffle, give, whatever. They're just really good to us. Yeah, super appreciate you guys. All right, so moving on. Getting into the lifestyle with your partner. These are the steps to kind of talk it over. All right. So we left off with establishing boundaries and setting kind of ground rules with you and your partner. I think the next step really is seek out resources, right? I agree.
So once you and your partner decide that, yes, we're going to enter this lifestyle, we're going to do this thing, these are our rules, these are our boundaries, now's the time to go find podcasts. Yeah. Now's the time to read books. Now's the time to hop on one of the websites, whether it's SLS, SDC, swingersidey.net is probably my favorite one, the best one out there, unless you want my personal opinion. But hop on a Discord server, talk to other couples, you know, have conversations with couples that have been in the lifestyle longer to you. Ask them questions.
Really just find out everything you can about, you know, the lifestyle and the different parts that are out there.
Yeah, I mean, especially like for me, the signing up the signing up for sites just like you've been married for the majority of your life maybe you got married 18 19 20 years old and you've only had you know maybe one or two partners your whole life you may not really know what you're into what you're not you may not know all these terms that people talk about and i think that um swinger websites are really good like sls sdc you can you can get on there and not really put much on there but able to look at other people's profiles um like see what they're into see what they're looking for and that kind of gives you like conversation starters you know even boundaries.
I think you might not realize what may or may not be an issue for you. And then you're looking at other people's profiles and you say, oh, they're into this. Well, I would never do that. So then you tell your partner, I just kind of feel like it gives you good information as to what other people are looking for into and kind of conversation starters.
Yeah, I it's like you said going through profiles going through sdcsls looking at other couples reading their profile is going to give you a lot of um insight into what people in the lifestyle are into and what their rules and boundaries are and even what their fantasies are i know a lot of the websites have like a fantasy you, paragraph or like SDC. It specifically lists out like item by item what couples are into. And, you know, there's probably some things out there that maybe you haven't talked about before, right?
Yeah, like if you don't watch a lot of porn and you've only had one or two sexual partners in your life and you've kind of grown up, you know, or you just missionary dog style, that's it.
You may not have a clue what a lot of this i mean honestly i was married got divorced was a single woman and there was stuff that i didn't know i'd have to google and look it up so i think it just kind of gives some you can learn a lot about sex and what people are doing and i don't know i just think it's good information yeah and you know another thing worth mentioning is once you add more people into the mix there are things you can do with four people that you you couldn't do i had no idea what dp was dv was before i was a swinger okay so educate us here on the swing nation podcast what this DP you speak of?
Double penetration. So one penis in your vagina, one penis in your ass at the same time. I didn't even know that was possible. DV is two dicks in one vagina. Right. Airtight is one dick in the mouth, one dick in the vagina, one dick in the ass.
so like all of these things if somebody i would have like if me and you sat down and was like let's be swingers and we're like okay we'll do this this and this and everything else is good and then somebody walks up to us and i'm just like do you want two dicks in your vagina and then we're looking at each other like like deer in headlights like holy shit what is that that's where like looking at these websites and stuff will um help with that because you're like what the fuck is that and then you google and you're like oh okay i'm not doing that which makes sense if you're early if you're like a baby swinger you probably don't want to do that not that i mean but it's fun it is fine i'm saying but like in the beginning that seems very fucking scary but after you've had like after you've done a lot of stuff you're like oh fuck it let's try it why not yeah and uh it's not a bad time right no it's not a bad time you you approve of all the above i do it's fun yeah but and then like podcasts so whatever topic um you know like even our podcasts go back and listen if you're worried about jealousy go listen to our podcast about jealousy and not just ours there are so many really good swinger podcasts out there so and we all kind of catered like we're more of like a full swap type of couple but if you're a hot wife couple you know maybe like a front porch swinger if you're like younger than us maybe foreplay because they're you know a younger more hip swinger than we are you know we're pushing 40 um so there's just mr mrs jones are a little bit older than we are so you know every so whatever stage in life whatever you're looking for there's going to be a podcast they're they're different yeah everybody everybody again everybody engages in this lifestyle differently and so you know if you listen to several podcasts you will probably identify with one yeah for sure a couple more than others me like oh this is you know i like what they're talking about i like what they're doing like if you're a hot wife couple we don't do a lot of hot wife content we don't really talk about that that part of swinging much so you might not get a lot of i mean you could obviously find things in our podcast that will help you but there's not be another podcast out there that would better suit your needs so like listening to podcasts watching tiktok's youtube there's not a ton on youtube about swinging but we're working on it we're trying um you know just yeah bell and jace have some good information yeah and uh um open love open love yeah which is good john and jackie yeah so i mean i'm a visual person so like i want to see a place i'm going to go to so like youtube's really good for that um there's lots of resources and i think you just because like let's say you work separately or you're not together and you have to listen or do these things separately i think like making notes or mental notes and going back to your partner right and then talking about it almost set homework like oh we're both going to listen to this episode and then then come back and talk about it.
Tonight, let's talk about it or something. Yeah. Or if you could listen to it together, that's great. We do a lot of podcasts when we're on long car rides together. We do. When we don't have kids. We do, yeah. So then we just talk about it or we'll pause it and chat about whatever's going on. So I think those are really good. Porn. Porn's good. Yeah. Swinger porn. It's kind of terrible.
Well, you know, you can subscribe could subscribe to our only fans and see the real stuff i'm talking about like the like porn websites but yeah you know anybody that watches porn you realize porn is not real sex right yeah so i mean but there are some hot you know you're especially talking about like dp and dvp and yeah you can see all those things and they do it you know how they get some of those camera you know as somebody that tries to do that now so when the camera angles and stuff they get i don't know how they like that's amazing but uh but we also like i said our only fans you can see a lot of videos like of us swinging of us we just you know yeah it's funny you know because we get a lot of slack about only fans and stuff like that but but i truly you know it's lifestyle educators to me that's our porn is educated but it is though right you know i'm saying like i think there are couples out there that are interested in engaging in this lifestyle and would be curious to watch that stuff well that's the stuff that sells the most right couple swaps and stuff like that oh yeah on our pages 100 we get yeah you know all of our swinger stuff is what sells more than anything else but i think there's not a lot of that content on that platform that's why but i also think a lot of people that find us are curious about that stuff and that's why that's what they're looking for well and because it's true like we we wouldn't make content with somebody that we didn't want to swing with anyway so it it's like swinging but on camera so it's not like staged like um the porn sites yeah um okay so what else uh okay so i think if we're talking about resources and and educating yourself um some other things i would recommend getting smart on is stds stis yes um do some research into that right because if you're a monogamous couple and haven't had sex with anybody but your partner for a while, you might not be versed in the different diseases that are out there and how to protect yourself.
It's just a hot topic for people that are entering the lifestyle, you know, because you just never had to worry about it and all of a sudden you're like, oh, I have to worry about this. Right. We do have a few podcasts specifically on that.
There's also, know shameless care is a great resource um safe sex safe swing safe is that um dr stores i think it's swingsafe.com i think it's her website she has a bunch of good resources out there but yeah get smart on stds get smart on using protection get smart on pregnancy prevention you know and let's talk about protection because a lot of couples or men are not used to having sex with condoms. Yeah. We have had several friends of ours that have to practice putting on condoms, having sex with condoms because it will definitely affect things.
So I think that's something to notate and it's okay. Yes. Another thing I would recommend getting smart on is consent practices. Correct. Um, it's, you know, cause again, if you've only had sex with your partner, right, you're probably used to, you're, you know, you're like, babe, can we have sex? And she's either like, nah, I'm too tired. Or she's like, yeah, baby, give it to me.
You know, that's probably the extent of your consent, consent conversation or something you know i joke but that something along those lines yeah um but when you engage and start you know exploring the swinger lifestyle and you're going to clubs and now there's orgy beds with 10 people you know get smart on how do you approach somebody you know is it okay if i touch you is it okay if i you know i'd really like to taste your pussy would you be You know, like you laugh, but I mean, those, those are, those are just how you said it, but those are normal conversations or they should be normal conversations in these spaces.
Right. Or even can I dance with your wife? Right. And then of course that would probably say as long as she's comfortable with it, I'm okay. You know, um, a lot ofette, I think is important too. Maybe we should do a podcast on etiquette sometimes, because that's something we don't really talk about a lot. But yeah, something as simple as, you know, you see couples, you know, or single guys, don't wait until the husband goes pissed to go talk to the wife, right? Really, if you want to, if you want to fuck my wife, you should come up to me and be like, Hi, my name is Tom.
And you know, like, you know, I'm like, Oh, I'm Dan, my name is Dan. And this is my wife, Lacey. And you're like, Oh, yeah, I noticed Lacey from across the room. She's really beautiful. Like, I'd really like Thank you.
come up to me and be like hi my name is tom and you know like you know i'm like oh i'm dan my name is dan and this is my wife lacy and you're like oh yeah i noticed lacy from across the room she's really beautiful like i'd really like to dance with her and be like well you're more than welcome to dance with her if she'd like to dance with you you know like that's that's the proper way to have that and that's also in my opinion consent you know like because the husband is there keeping an eye on the wife, making sure she's safe.
I just think it all kind of respect, consent, it just goes hand in hand. Right. And this whole get information, inform yourself, educate yourself, right? We want positive people in this lifestyle, right? We want you to be respectful. We want you to use good safety as far as condoms and protection goes.
We want you to be vers um we want you to use good um you know safety with as far as condoms and protection goes uh you know we want you to to be versed in consent um everybody in this community wants that right yeah and and the quickest way to have a bad experience is to fuck one of those things up right if you don't if you don't and maybe you do it on accident right yeah we all make mistakes but you know take some time if you if you really have an interest in being part of this community then educate yourself about the way this community um interacts with each other i think the for me the people that make the biggest mistakes are they just say oh we're gonna be swingers and then they just show up you know they just wherever they're showing up to it doesn't matter um they're going to fuck up right you're not going to know about boundaries you're not going to know about you're just not going to know about and it's like i said in the beginning the lifestyle is a lot of work it's not just super easy you don't just show up and like start fucking everybody it takes a lot of work a lot of preparation um a lot of communication and so i just think that's like really important for people to realize like getting into this lifestyle if you want to be successful you have to do all these things yeah and if we're being honest there are couples that have been in this lifestyle 10 20 years that still are fucking up all the things we just talked about.
Yeah, for sure. And some of them are even the worst, right? Yeah. Because they've got complacent and comfortable maybe in the groups they're in. Yeah. And so when new people come in, they don't necessarily step back and take the right steps to approach them. Correct, yeah. And I get it. It's not excusing that behavior, but I understand. I even struggle with consent.
consent i mean i know i've taken all the classes i preach it i know you should do all the things but sometimes i forget you know sometimes i think i'm just a pretty girl and if i walk up to a guy and hug him he's just going to be okay with it and i i have to remind myself that he may not be right you know or may not be. And so it's something that I have to work on every single time we swing. No, no, I agree. And that's good to know, right? Because we all make mistakes. But that's why we're talking about it. All right.
So I think after educating yourself, really the next step is continually check in with your partner, right? Because, you know, you've educated yourself, you've set boundaries, you've had the conversations about your fantasies. Now you're going to start going out and doing things. This is a constant ebb and flow, right? It's a roller coaster. It's a roller coaster of emotions. You're going to encounter things that you didn't predict that you're going to encounter. Things are going to happen that trigger you in ways that you didn't know were going to trigger you.
So you constantly have to be checking in with your partner and seeing if they're okay, if they're comfortable.
You have to have, you know, anytime you do stuff or have an experience, come back, talk about it, reconnect with your partner your partner you know it's a constant evolution of this kind of lifestyle journey that we're all on um and i think the the couples that are successful are the couples that that do that work um you know day in and day out i totally agree with them right so that's important and um i think i think Like, to, to be on the same page, you have to have those types of conversations. Right. Yeah, I agree.
And I think the checking in is really important because you could be okay one minute and not the next.
And especially in the beginning of swinging, you're just so excited to be there and you could get very caught up in the moment you know there's been times where like we've swung we've told many stories where you know i think of our first hito experience you were over there having the best fucking time of your life and i was ready to kill everybody in that room you know and you never even dawned on you that I wasn't okay you know and this is us being like seasoned swingers it took me saying hey I'm not okay for you to be like oh you know it happens you know it's it's part of it so I just think it's a learned behavior to stop to look to pause and not get caught up in whatever you're doing hell I've done that where were we not long ago and you were you went in the bathroom with the roof and i didn't even fucking know i was just having the best time of my life it was recently yeah i think it was the last llc party we went to or something yeah you just had a little bit your stomach got upset a little um so it's just being you want to enjoy yourself you want to have, but you also have to be mindful of your spouse and who's the most important person in that room.
Yeah. And I think what you just said is, you know, kind of the key to all this, right? You know, we go to these parties, we go to these hotel takeovers and resorts. But when we walk through the door, it's me and Lacey. And when we leave, it's me and Lacey, right? And that's ultimately, at the end of the day, all that really matters is our relationship, right? You know, the whole reason we're doing this is for us, for us to explore our fantasies, for us to, you know, explore sexuality, you know, whatever the case may be.
It's to enhance our relationship or to, you know, that's what it's about but at the end of the day it's it's me and you that are together in this um and i think you know couples kind of you can lose sight of that sometimes it's easy yeah and i don't even necessarily think that it's like with bad intent i just think it's like we even had this conversation today i'm not sure when this podcast is coming out but um because we're recording like two in advance but we're going to be at secrets coming up and we even had this conversation today about sticking together like we do tend to socialize because we are the host and we talked about today making trying to make an effort to stay together when we're socializing more so because we kind of divide and conquer so if i mean that kind of tells you something that we host the podcast we you know pretty successful swingers i guess you could say and but we still have to have these conversations and we still are doing this work even now no i think you're right yeah we know especially for you knowacey, when we have these events, yeah, it's, we're constantly trying to, you know, entertain and talk to people and socialize.
And, you know, we talked about like some of these events, it's been like, we go through the event, you know, events over and it's like, I feel like I haven't seen you all day. You know what I mean? Yeah. And so, yeah, we had a conversation today about let's try not to do that. Yeah. Like, let's try not to. Let's just socialize together.
I's just socialize together we have to socialize with people but let's not separate and do that let's try to do that together we'll see how we do it may or may not happen but i just think that's like a good point that like we are constantly working and involving and trying to fix and adjust so i think and that again that's just kind of us checking in with each other you know sort of. I agree. All right.
So that kind of that kind of sums up my notes for what I had for for couples out there, for for individuals out there, that if you want to approach your partner with this lifestyle, if you want to bring it up to them and have that conversation, those are kind of the steps, the things to talk about. It's a lot, I think, but hopefully that helps kind of lay the groundwork for you.
Yeah, like if you listen to this entire podcast and you're like okay yes i want to be a swinger like i feel like so it probably scared you off a little i mean but it is work it's a lot of work but super rewarding if you can get to the other side but you're always working on it does that makes sense i think it makes 100 sense yeah you know i think it's it's good for you know we i think we try not to you know over fantasize or embellish this relationship and make it just seem or you know like swing is just partying and fun and everything's glitz and glam and everybody's perfect everybody's hot nobody has amazing sex and it's.
You know, I think we're like, no, this, sometimes it's work and sometimes you're going to get hurt and sometimes your feelings are, you know, you're going to cry. You're going to, you know, you're going to get in fights. You're going to have disagreements. But if you fucking stick to it and you work through all that, there's a lot of rewards that are mixed into that. You know, there's a lot of good, positive things that can come from it.
it and a lot of hot sex does happen i've been trying to have sex with you all day because i've been so turned on like we so we're going you know to secrets this weekend um and so we've been like chit-chatting like everybody's super excited and so everybody's like three more days two more days or like everybody's like you know it's like the part. And so Dan's been like flirty all day long. And every time he like sends a text, I like look up at him and he's looking at me like for my response. And it makes me want to jump your bones.
Seeing me flirt with other girls via text makes you want to fuck me more. Yeah. I support it. Yeah. I support it. Like I was just sitting here holding your hand thinking I want to fuck you right now while we're recording this. All right. So it works. It works, people. It works, people. All right. Another thing we want to talk about. I think, okay, that sums up talking to your partner about swinging. Okay. So best of luck for those listening to this and getting ready to have that conversation. We're here for you in the future. Yeah.
And we hope that conversation goes well and we see you in an event sometime. Yeah right let's talk asn awards yeah so i don't know if y'all know but like last year at the asn awards we presented we were presenter for i don't remember which one we presented like best educator or something like that yeah so every year they have um basically you can nominate your favorite lifestyle people. You know, there's Best DJ, Best Educator, Best Podcast. There's all kinds of content creator. I mean, there's just, you know, it was a long list. So we would like your vote. Yes. Definitely.
So I think podcast is one. We could be a a content creator you could vote for us for that yeah i think there was even one that was like influencer or something like that yeah i think so so there's a few categories you could you could uh but really honestly i you can vote whatever you want but like i would love to at least be nominated that sounds so cliche i'm just honored to be would like to be nominated. Like to toot our own horn, we put a lot of work into this podcast. We don't make, like, people think that, like, you make a podcast and you get rich. No people.
My OnlyFans, that's where it's at. Podcast is just like a labor of love, you know? So I think that, like, I think we're deserving. Is that wrong for me to to say we've done a lot of work in the last two years on our podcast it is one of the top rated podcasts on apple you know i mean us and french force winners are usually neck and neck on that um i also think they probably deserve votes too so you know like i feel like we are like neck and neck typically of the top few. And so I'd like to see us and them in the nominee list. Right.
So if you'd like to nominate us, you can go to any of our social media pages. So you find us on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok. You will find a Beacons link in our bio. Click on that and there's a direct link to the ASN Award nominations.
You can actually once a day you can nominate somebody so you could every single day I think these nominations close on April 15th so from every day from now until April 15th I know everybody out there listening is gonna go to the beacons link in our bios and they're gonna click on that and they're gonna go and they're gonna nominate us and and we're gonna to be maybe nominated, maybe. That would be it. I mean, if we don't get nominated, like life goes on. We don't do this, you know, we don't do this for that. But if we do, that would be cool too. I would like it. It would be nice, yeah.
All right. I think the other thing we need to talk about is events. Today, we are recording this on aay yeah because we leave tomorrow to head to secrets um we have a special guest coming on our podcast this thursday i'm not going to announce who it is but you want to listen this thursday she's a huge podcaster she's a pretty naughty pretty naughty girl um and we had a great conversation with her so i'm looking forward to to that. So that'll be this Thursday. Next Thursday will be this episode. You'll hear all about joining the lifestyle. Okay, so. What?
If they're listening to this, that other podcast is already out, babe. You've already heard it, right? Oh, that's true. So I can't spill the name. Whatever. I'm still not saying. You're so cute. And you'll, yeah, we're going to, we've already been the secrets, had all kinds of naughty fun. Yeah. Perfect. I got tickled, though, too. But we did announce, by the time this is out, we will have announced our next secret, and tickets will be on sale for our next secrets event, which will be in September, September, taking over secrets.
Highway Resort for a weekend to remember, which is a celebration of sexy swinger, chick and brads. They're going to get married. Yes. Secrets. They are. It's going to be September 22nd and 23rd. We were doing an event in September. We had already booked it. We were already ready. If you don't know the backstory, Sexy Swinger, Chick, and Brad got engaged at this very first ever Swinger Society event. And she really wanted to get married at Secrets.
And were like hey we're throwing this event do you want to get married and she was like hell yeah i do so it's just going to be a celebration of love for everyone yeah i really view it as a celebration of marriage of love um in the whole non-monogamy right in the whole consensually non-monogamous world, we're going to celebrate love and marriage. And I think we talked about, you know, don't hold me to this, but I think maybe after she does her vows, we might have an opportunity for anybody else that's there to renew their vows. Yeah. Which I think would be pretty cool.
I think it'd be like fun to renew our vows butt ass naked. Right. With all of our friends. I wonder if there's a Guinness Book World Record for how many people have gotten. I said that and you laughed at me. Okay. Well, maybe we'll look at my, we'll see. Oh, so no, it's your idea. How many naked people have gotten married, but we're already married. So I don't know how that works. Renew their vows. How many naked people in one area? Right.
So if you want to come out and you want to celebrate love, marriage, all things non-monogamy, and also just have a kick-ass party like we always do at Secrets, get your tickets now. I'm telling you, people have been texting us and trying to get room numbers and all worried about what room they're going to get. So if you want to get a room, we sold out like three months in advance for this party we just had last weekend. So I have no doubt that this next one's going to sell out. So I wouldn't, you know, if you got the finances, we do have payment plans available for this one as well.
So go grab you a room, get you a good one. Don't come to me in September and say, can I get a room? Because it's probably not going to happen. Yeah. We skipped ahead, but we are also going to Hedo May 13th through the 20th. You can still go. I know it's only two months away, but if you'd like to join us, you can sign up. We'll be at Naughty in New Orleans in July.
We'll be at, I'm just messing up all these dates, Splash in june i'm just all over the calendar here just all over we'll be at splash atlanta in june we got a campground takeover we're gonna be announcing soon in august and then september's secrets yeah so if you want to come out to an event you want to come party with us and the faces and names that you see on social media and tikt you want to go to swingersociety.net. That's where you'll find all the information. That's where you can book tickets or have links to the other websites to book tickets if it's not one of our events.
So you definitely, everything, swingersociety.net, go sign up, be a member. There's one of the fastest growing online communities of swingers out there. Join us on Discord.
discord join us on facebook join us in all the places we can't wait to see you and party with you somewhere soon yep anything else that's it all right guys i think with that in a world full of apples be the pineapple be the pineapple guys bye bye if you've enjoyed our podcast and want to support us leave a five-star review wherever you're listening if you want to see more of our content you can find links to snapchat twitter instagram only fans and more in the show notes come join the conversation with us and other swinger content creators on our swinger society discord server if you you have questions or feedback, email them to us at theswingnation at gmail.com.
Make sure you head on over to theswingnation.net and keep up to date on all things Swing Nation. We thank you so much for joining us and we'll see you next time. Goodbye.
