Send us Fan MailBonus Episode | Double Teamed Podcast: Are These Ur Red Flags?Double Teamed is a podcast hosted by twins Cami and Niki, diving into the topics of sex, non-monogamy, and kink. In this episode, Are These Ur Red Flags?, the hosts discuss red flags in dating, the traumas they are rooted in, and their own red flags they ve become aware of along the way. Tune into Double Teamed Podcast anywhere you listen to podcasts every Thursday morning. If you d like to learn more, all relevant links can be found on doubleteamedpocast.com.Remember to Subscribe, rate, and review on your favorite podcast platform.- The Swing Nation - Main Website Quick Navigation Website: -- (Find all our social media links more!) Follow us on Facebook! The Podcast Website- Swinger Society - Our Website to meet, connect events Swinger Society Discord Our Facebook Group- Swinger Websites -Kasadie 90 day free trialUsername: TheSwingNation SDC 14 day free trial Username: TheSwingNation** Use code 36313 for 14 days free! ** SLSUsername: NorthernGuynSouthernGirl- Merch More -Order Your Merch Here!- Lacy’s Fun Links - VIP OnlyFans PREMIUM OnlyFans-- THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS --Wisp : Making sexual healthcare inclusive, cost-effective, and accessible—for everyoneUse Code SWING at checkout for 15% off your oder! Shameless Care: ED Medication and at home STD testingUse Code TSN at checkout for $30 off your order!Promescent® Make Love Longer, It’s Time for Great SexUse Code SwingNation for 5% off!Pinaq Liqueur; The Official Drink of The Swing NationUse Code TSN at checkout for 15% off!Support the show- Thank you for the support! -
Transcript
Hey there, Pineapple people, and welcome to the Swing Nation podcast. We are your hosts, Northern Guy and Southern Girl. Today we're doing something a little bit different. Yeah, it's Tuesday. It's a Tuesday. And so this isn't a Swing Nation podcast episode, but what we're going to do is we're going to drop kind of a sister podcast for you. Yeah, they're very similar to us. They are twin sisters named Cammie and Nikki, and they host the Double Team Podcast. That's right. And they live out in California, and they're kind of doing the same thing we're doing.
They're pushing back against the stigma that surrounds non-monogamy and kink. They attend play parties, and they talk about their experiences. So I think this is kind of the perfect podcast for our listeners. If you're looking, you know, if you're somebody that drives an hour plus a day and you're looking for another podcast to listen to, I think this is a perfect one. Yeah. So what we're going to do is we're going to drop an episode of their podcast here so that you can listen to it. And then if you enjoy it, you can go and follow them. Yeah.
So take a little listen to the Double Team Podcast. Thanks. I actually really like it. What is it saying? Reading something. It's poems. Oh. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I still love Dick.
No one doubted you are you recording oh we are did anyone did someone say you don't love dick no i'm just saying like even though that book says men are trash oh wait you want to get the show started yeah welcome back double teamed fam how are we doing today um we were supposed to have a guest but there was a slight miscommunication all the time so now we're in studio just the two of us just the two of us we can make it if we try i have full faith in us i do too and you know if needed joseph's here to you know throw out a third opinion that's our well what do you call him video guy i was gonna say he said yeah in studio producer yeah that's a good title i like it anyways i found while we're here in studio i found this book it's titled men are trash the end of him and beginning of you a collection of poems on breakups dating and healing written by franziska pew and i like some of these okay let's hear one this one says it's titled millions and it says is it a haiku honey if he shows off how much money he has he doesn't have any that's you know what that's a fucking red flag for me really oh if he tries to be like super like oh this is how much money i have yes 100 yes because don't be flexing money exactly it's like i don't it's important how much you fucking make i make my own fucking money like and i and i get it you can have nice things you can have nice clothes nice cars whatever but like you don't need to tell me like how much you make or you don't need to like flaunt it because i feel like there are some people where it's like what's that one saying where it's like um about money money talks and wealth whispers yeah but it's like and that's the thing it's like you don't need to tell everyone you know like just chill the fuck out they'll you know they'll figure it out on their own and why like why does it matter i always let me say this one thing i from coming from someone that used to uh sell airplanes to a lot of rich people um i always knew who probably wasn't going to end up buying anything because those would be the people that talked the most about how much money they had or like how easy like like wait like treat the topic of like money or the cost or whatever as if it was like you know yeah like make comments on it or like oh that's not a problem whatever and it's like that's just packaging yeah exactly anytime that they made like comments about that i'm like is it that's still your dick size like okay yeah sorry um let me see what the other ones are.
I just know it's like, you know, I was actually having this conversation with someone the other day. What? At dinner. Like about money.
And it's like, you know, I feel like a lot of the times like, you know, especially like when you live like in a place like LA where it's, you know, everyone has the cool jobs and wants the flashy things and wants the roles and the you know lambos and all that and it's like is that is that all we're on this earth to to do i've definitely changed my perspective on like the nice things because like i i've well i had my submissive that used to buy me like all those really nice things gucci shoes louis vuitton bags like yeah we sold half that shit because we didn't care about it that's what i'm saying once i had it i was like this is cute and nice and i like it and i appreciate it but like it doesn't do anything for me as i'm wearing a louis belt okay i like the color of this belt don't judge me however i like it it's just at the end it's just a fucking belt what what does it mean i like the color you know actually this is your belt it's not even my belt i love that belt actually it is a great belt yeah i like i like staple pieces in in designer i like staple pieces that i know like i'm like for example i have a fendi travel bag that i use a lot and it's like sturdy as fuck out of all the travel bags i've bought it's it's very demure like the little branding on it isn't like super and like that that burberry scarf we have like that's super durable however at the end of the day like i realize that it's like you don't need like a plethora of it and like to be like head to toe like designer just like if there are a few things that you like like to have you know like a staple piece of like that's nice to like throw in every now and then but for the most part like most of the shit i buy is just standard run-of-the-mill non-designer and if you haven't been able to tell i'm on my you know pajama chic era i fucking love this brand it's called dressed in lala or just lala anyway this is not a fashion podcast yeah these sets are fucking fire and i love wearing them and if just a plug there's no code i wish there was wait hold on can i tell can i show you another one of these poems from no let's keep going because i really like this uh damaged the title is damaged goods i only knew how to give and receive love the same way my parents did forcefully and i was like damn that struck home but that's also hard yeah but think about mom and dad's marriage like that's how that's how that felt in what way between the two of them i don't think they ever knew how to give and receive love they just kind of you know i don't know like they were just i mean yeah i feel like when it comes to our parents for a long time like they've been forcing their love in a way that's like just trying to make it work rather than genuinely feeling in love so i agree with you there this one is pickup lines and tan lines and it says are these all haikus what is the what is the formula for a haiku i don't i don't know joseph can you look it up dear thank you he's like cursing me okay pickup lines and tan lines and the poem is i was so dumb i actually believed your pickup lines that one's kind of dumb that actually is really dumb but I mean I get it don't we all don't we all have those moments where like we believe what someone is telling us and it's like the nice sweet nothings and then after a while you're like oh they were just playing me the whole time I you know sometimes pretty I actually tweeted this not that long ago pretty words or just that pretty words oh this one's called heartbreak and it says by the time we learn to love again we'll get our heart broken maybe that's what i'm scared of same yeah i was gonna say that's that's you right now okay did you find it Haiku is composed of three lines, three typical, every first line of the haiku has five syllables, the second line has seven syllables, and the third line has seven syllables, and the syllables middle line seven syllables and then the last line is five syllables okay so i don't think these are all haikus i don't know man i don't know but i actually really like i might steal this book but the thing is is that like it's not necessarily about how men are trash not all of them this one's called games you and i became a game of watching how far the other person would go oh ouch fuck okay that's truck home in what way from who calvin how far could the other go year and a half that's the answer okay i mean that was like me and mike for a little bit anyways okay the episode wasn't supposed to be about this book i just kind of like it um actually yeah today's episode i wanted to do well we were going to do it with our guest and we were going to do it on red flags but homie's not here so we're just going to do it nikki and i and we'll do another episode with him about what i don't know but we'll figure it out um such aries rising we'll figure it out anyways okay so y'all we asked what some red flags are and there's a pattern with a few of them the amount of people that said smoking yes and i want to know because like smoking weed or smoking cigarettes i'm gonna say smoking cigarettes a lot of people clarified cigarettes yeah out of like i see four right here and that say smoking and two of them clarify cigarettes and i think it's cigarettes and i just want to say i think millennials and gen z are past cigarettes yeah that was well no early day millennials were all yeah but a lot of them have quit that's true but now we've got vapes and i'm just like what about vapes and on top of that like i mean what kind of smoking like daily smoking because like all all well it's been probably over a year since i've like bummed a cigarette off someone when i was drunk but like every now and then if i'm like inebriated i think a cigarette every now and then is fine but like if you're smoking every day like and if you get through a pack like fairly quickly if you get through a pack like within like a two days but are we do we agree that that's a red flag i think that is a red flag why why do you think that's a red flag like what is it i only say that from my experience because i yeah but do we i guess i don't know it's a health thing okay i get that you're increasing your chances of cancer a b the smell of sanitary yeah the smell of smoke sticks to everything and if you have children and if you're in a household like you know didn't we have that one friend in not college in high school her parents just chain smoked inside their all the time their her little brother had health issues because he was constantly inhaling that their house always smelled like smoke she always smelled like smoke yeah i agree there so i feel like you know when it's taken to an extreme like that absolutely it's a red flag but i guess i'd look at red flags are like as but as like things that, you know, are this is like a bad or icky behavior and or something that's like but that's like damaging to others.
And I guess, yes, technically smoking can be damaging to others, but I don't know that one. I don't know if I title it a red flag. However, I don't know that I would date someone that would smoke regularly. I think it's a red flag if it's taken to the extreme.
If it's the occasional smoke, I don't think that's a red flag however i don't know that i would date someone that would smoke regularly i think it's a red flag if it's taken to the extreme if it's the occasional smoke i don't think that's a red flag but if it's like a daily habit that they can't let go of that damages them or other people around them i would say that yeah okay let's see what some of the other ones are a lot of people said republican okay so a lot of politics but so a lot of people said that being republican is a red flag yeah well i mean i'm just seeing a few here i will say this i don't i think it depends on where you live because if you go to the midwest everyone's going to be like that's a green that's a green flag in my opinion however like you know here in la or coastal cities i'm sure we're you know turned off by republicans i think and i actually i was having this conversation again with someone at dinner the other day what well yeah a lot of the times when it comes to politics i feel like what i'm most turned off are the extreme cases of both yeah yeah democratic and republican yeah i would agree there because i see you're a moderate yeah well i think you know have you voted ever i don't know you have have you ever voted in a single election i did i did i voted in one what was it for um it was um it was joe biden's election think I was still in Kansas.
Okay. So the last presidential election. Yes. Okay. I don't think I voted for Joe. The fuck did you vote for? I just voted for a random candidate. I can't, weren't there like four? There's not Rocky. There's like an independent. Yeah. Weren't there like four? I think I voted for that one.
Did you know anything about the candidate no absolutely not okay see i think not knowing shit and voting look that's the thing i will gladly admit that i know fucking nothing about i'm not a politician either yeah most of the time i know i know i do not you know stick or stick with politics because i don't agree with either party i think we should have a middle person that is like fair and just to you know all sides and just takes in like what is the moral choice but of course we don't have that no we're not gonna have that um but i find that one funny that everyone was like republican um that i'm just glad to know though that like we're hitting our demographic yeah because i not not that i don't want to like you know for anyone in our show here that is maybe you know red leaning nothing nothing against you and i think yeah nothing against you i i just i i am i am more liberal i am pro-choice and so i hope that like you know that's what my audience aligns with that's honestly what it comes down to for me is if they're pro-choice.
Abortion. Yeah. Anyways. Okay. I actually really like this one. Someone said when they ask for my Snapchat, that is a red flag. That means, honey, they are too young for you. Well, I guess it depends on the age. I was going to say because if you are over the age of 27 and someone asks you for their Snapchat, that's a no.
I don't know i oh you i can't god no i can't comment on that because like i talked to someone on snapchat but i will say someone who's 23 yeah four 24 whatever yeah come on i've dated guys that are under 25 that never once asked me for snapchat okay it's just whatever i don't care why what's why can't you use regular text messaging instead of snap now we do sometimes just snap for pictures okay so you're using it for its intended purpose oh god yes okay but still i think yeah if you're over if you're over 27 and someone asks you for a snapchat red flag they're too young for you or they're just wanting to fuck and like well but if you're you know if you're not looking for a relationship maybe that's okay however i really liked this one rude to anyone in customer service industry oh a hundred percent that's an easy one that's an easy one even when the your server is absolute shit you still be nice and if i see someone like just treat a server like they're lesser than now like if they if the server is just a piece of shit and they give you a reason to like be angry you can do that respectfully but like if you're just rude for no reason or if you're like overly rude in like a sticky situation red flag i was just thinking as i as we were as i brought this one up about like being because i i saw the server one quite a bit a lot of people were like that's a red flag if they're like rude to service staff or like waiters anything like that and i realized i can't remember the last time i've been on a dinner date i went to one on friday and we left the waitress my number she never texted though you would call that a dinner date we called it a date okay no judgment i'm judging hard that was the neighbor cammy doesn't know how to let go anyways of situ of things that don't treat her right but you know we digress however i haven't been on a dinner date since even before my celibacy oh my god it's been like a year then why don't you go on one with a but that means i gotta go find someone that wants to take me on a date well no you could just tell the guy that you're seeing hey i'd love to go on a date with you.
I don't know if we're there yet. What? I don't know if we're at the point where I could be like, hey, let's go on a date. I don't know. I'll have to check. Wait, what? I don't know. What the fuck do you mean? Nicole, what's wrong with you? Hey, that's literally what I told neighbor. I'd love to go on a date.
He date he was like yeah i'd like to take you on one so we went on one despite all our shit okay great i love that's literally all i said and he said absolutely i know so you should just be able to especially with your guy just be like hey i'd love to go on a date and he should be enthusiastically like fuck yeah let me take you to dinner i might be slightly worried that he wouldn't be enthusiastic about taking me to dinner not that not that he wouldn't it's just like i you're overthinking no no no but we've both said that we're taking it slow and so i just don't know if we're i just don't know if we're at the point yet where we're ready to like plus wouldn't it be better just a date nicole i know but wouldn't it be better wouldn't it be better if he was like hey i want to take you on a date rather than me being like i want to go on a date no what it's a nicole i'm trying to be in my it's just a two-way street you can just be like yes i know it's a two-way street but at the same time i think i'd rather him be like yo i want to and that's fine that's fine but like after like i don't know he's been inside you enough times where you can just be like i'm sorry i'm being honest here you he's you you can just be like you know and this is not like chivalry or anything but just express the interest of hey look love where this is going love what we're doing already you know whatever activities y'all go on and you can just be like i would love to go to dinner with you are you down what's wrong with that look there's nothing wrong with that i'm judging hard that you think you can't ask that okay listen listen and stop with the judgment okay you stop with the judgment then or all i'm saying is i joseph stop laughing at us all i'm saying is well i want his opinion on this okay yeah joseph what are your thoughts he's been seeing this guy for weeks like since december what okay yes but what if i want okay so joseph said that he i should ask him out on a date what if i want him to ask me out on a date well and that's great then i'll just wait until that comes around that's fine but don't sit there and be like well now i gotta find someone to take me on a date no you know exactly who you want to take you on the date you can just express that interest i'm 24 what i mean you someone should be like you know what i'm trying to say i know but it's like i joseph was saying it's 2024 and like this is not the year all i'm saying is i'm not sure if i'm ready to be like to say that because i would like to maybe give it a little bit more time and see if he initiates that first see and this is why and i've been thinking about this and kate kate gave us this advice and i completely agree with her let's hear it you know when she said like whenever you start seeing someone like don't immediately go to like the normal activities where it's like hey let's get let's get together and fucking bank no go on dates first go on dates and then later put out the kitty great because i feel like but kimi okay you have to understand at the same time like we slept the first night we met each other that's fine and we were both you know inebriated and we had fun whatever and on top of that he expressed that he is not like in a place where he wants to necessarily be like you know in a relationship which is fine however i'm just not sure if he is ready to like go on a date and so like i don't want to push for it i would much rather him come to me when he's ready to be like i would like to take you out to dinner but what's what is so why do we have to argue this this is what i'm saying but what is so serious about a date like you can just it's dinner like you can just sit down go to dinner have a conversation don't y'all go out and have drinks all the time yeah but that's like in social settings with his friends and one time like you know we had both finished up at the gym and we were like okay we're hungry let's go grab dinner and like we just went to the sushi bar perfect and i don't think that that was not a date okay but like a date is not far off from that okay great i just.
I just don't know. I don't want to initiate that. And so I... That's fine. I'm happy to wait until he does. That's fine. We're going to... Wait, do we think that that's a red flag? The red flag right now is you. Moving on. Okay, I have... Okay. Thank you, Joseph. Joseph might have just agreed with that. Hold on a second. Hold on. Actually, you know what? Before we continue with this list, what do you think your red flags are? I meant to ask that. Because I'm pretty self-aware. I think I know what mine are. All right, let's hear them. Okay. Um, my avoidant attachment. Okay.
Which by the way, I saw someone put in avoidant attachment on, it literally says right here. And no one's written anxious. And I'm like, come on guys, it's even worse. I know.
And yes, I fully recognize my avoidant attachment style is a bit of a red flag but i'm working through it okay i'm working through it i'm aware of it i am doing my best to not run anytime things get uncomfy yay yay anyways um another red flag i yay yay anyways um another red flag I probably expect a much quicker pace than I should like and I guess I'm someone that like immediately wants to just like bulldoze like when I'm feeling the energy there I'm someone that like immediately wants to just like divedoze, like when I'm feeling the energy there, I'm someone that like immediately wants to just like dive right in.
Um, and that can, and that can be a little bit of a red flag sometimes. I think I need to slow it down some. And so that's also another area where I'm trying to like consciously make an effort to slow down and not have sex on the first day or, you know, wait a little bit or like try to get to know them a little bit before you start like really you know pushing for things whatever so like I'm very aware that I'm and not to blame Mr.
Pology um but like it's my Aries rising anyways and Mars is our chart ruler and we're Scorpio Mars in the eighth house so but no but really what it comes down to is just like I I've always just been someone that like as soon as i know which direction i'm going poof i hit the ground running and i would like to go at breakneck speed and so i i can already tell within one date whether i want to pursue someone or not so it's like as soon as i know that i want to pursue them i'm like okay let's go and that's what i'm saying is like that's how i am too and so as soon as i have that gut in like that initial gut reaction of like oh yep this is it then i'm like poof let's go and that ties in perfectly with my red flag and sometimes people need to need a little bit more time you know they're not going to be as sure as I am and so like you know understanding and being cognizant of someone else's needs like is also something that I'm working on and just not going so fast um but so that's another red flag of mine.
Um, oh, let me think. I had a third one. Now I kind of forgot it, but let me think. I guess it just depends. Like for example, I saw someone say I'm unemployed and I'm like, I technically don't have a job. Like we do the pod. We do. I was going to say, I think that's very subjective and case by case. Yeah.
Cause like I still have things that make me an income income i'm just not technically like i'm like self-employed i guess well i think what they mean by unemployed is just like laziness and lack of drive to like pursue what they actually want to because i feel like for example like pandemic i was unemployed for a year and then i got a job left that i was unemployed again for six months but it's not like I was ever not looking for my next gig or my neck I was just between finances so like between opportunities between opportunities no but I think it's true it's like it's not about being unemployed it's about your work ethic your drive if you are you know maybe you're in a shitty job you decide to leave i you know what's a red flag for me it's like if people are just like up and quitting too quickly too fast yeah um like they can't stick to something for more than like six months they're constantly changing jobs i think that can be a little bit of a red flag it depending on how it's done yes but now i get it if you you know started a job then you've got this like kick-ass offer and before you know it you know you're like moving I get that however if it's like if you're not actually giving anything a chance there it is yeah if you try something and within like two weeks you're like oh I can't do this this sucks not that red flag yeah oh my third red flag um i will um make up scenarios in my head and without actually asking the person about what actually happened and then i'll just like believe that whatever i made up is probably right because how could i be wrong and i'm kidding and then i'll like get upset at the possibility of that possibility being a possibility.
Oh, my God. I get that. That is a red flag. The possibility of that possibility being a possibility? Huge. I hate it. And I am terrible with that. I will literally be like, oh, he didn't text me? He's fucking some other bitch. He actually isn't? The fact that that was a possibility makes me upset. Okay, so here. See, that's a little bit of a red flag. Thank you.
he didn't text me he's fucking some other bitch he actually isn't the fact that that was a possibility okay so see that's a little bit of a red flag however I am aware of it and so my therapist told me I remember she was like okay well what data do you have to go off of and I was like oh you're right and then I'm like okay well and then she was like well why do you have to believe the worst case scenario and I'm that's where my mind immediately goes. And she was like, okay, well, what about the best case scenario? They're being honest. Like, why can't we believe that? And I'm like, no, we can.
It's just, you know, once easier than the other. So I don't know. I have my red flags. I certainly do. But I will say this. I am fucking aware and I'm consciously working on them.
And i i progress and i do great and other times i don't and i have slip ups and i'm human and that is okay and guess what like people also have red flags and like i've met guys that have red flags and i'm like okay you know what like even though that is a little bit of red flag let's just see how this progresses or like see where this can you know whatever yeah because i mean there are like some hard stop red flags and then there are some like you know softer more more like a salmon pink flag wait i want to hear what's a red flag that you've encountered that you're like, ugh.
I'm trying to think. I mean, I mean. trying to think i mean i mean yeah we all see them but i'm actually you know what i was trying to think about here let me let me say what i think my red flags are because i'm also self-aware and even though nikki chooses to believe that i just always make the worst decisions for myself possible i don't think you make the worst decisions for yourself. I think you make questionable decisions, but not the worst decisions. Thank you for that vote of confidence. You make good decisions too, though.
So now, I don't think it's a red flag that I have anxious attachment style. That is deeply rooted in me because of my circumstances and upbringing and my abandonment issues. So I don't think that it's a red flag that I have anxious attachment. And actually I'm very aware of my anxious attachment and I know how it's triggered. Now, my red flag is that when my anxious attachment is triggered and someone makes me upset and that someone is the person I've attached myself to, I will not leave.
If ignoring me if they're not answering my text i will literally blow their phone the fuck up until i get a response and i see this is where the we are the exact opposite i will ignore the shit out of them i will not you cannot get me off their phone until i hear something from them and i know that that's a red flag and I know that and you know this started like way back when and I a lot of the times like I think like okay you know most of the time I'm able to like power through it um I feel like just recently I've gotten a little bit like like my defenses haven't been as up so I find myself like almost doing it or sort of doing it, but in a very lesser way.
And I'm just like, like my defenses haven't been as up. So I find myself like almost doing it or sort of doing it, but in a very lesser way. And I'm just like, actually, wait, I need to stop. So I think that's a red flag of mine. Oh, I thought of a good red flag for, for, and this is actually someone that someone mentioned, but keep going with yours. Um, I can be self-sacrificing. I think that's a red flag. Yeah, same. I can be self-sacrificing and I will try to do whatever it takes to make that other person happy. And so that can get me in trouble. Yeah.
Any final ones ones um I think in like the past um a red flag was um but like just with my people pleasing and like I almost just like I know I say like you know I'm a bad liar now but I feel like back back then maybe like I don't know two years ago i was more willing to in order to people please i would not like well no i guess this kind of goes back to self-sacrificing anyway so i think that's another red flag is that sometimes i can just do that but i feel like over the past year i've done a lot of work to like really undo those red flags and i've become a lot more aware a lot more cognizant of like how to you know the processes in myself to make sure and i don't raise those flags i definitely think some of my red flags have turned like pink you know like we're working on them you know same in pink like you said um one does someone mentioned this and i actually i think this is a huge red flag and so something i will look for even i don't care if you say it's toxic i will fucking look for it calvin had this and it was huge red flag you go to their follow list and it looks like a victoria's secret model catalog oh that is a red flag in my opinion i think so too because and i'm sorry like i think you know especially when it comes to like social media who you follow like what you know the kind of content you're looking for i think it's very questionable if all you're following are just like bikini models and no offense to the bikini queens out there no y'all y'all get your bag do what you're doing yeah get your bag i'm fucking jealous like i mean why i look great in a bikini too but all i'm saying is like if you go to someone's follow page and it's all like just that that tells me that like all they're looking for is the aesthetic of someone and a lot of times in my opinion for the men that go for the men that have kind of like that follow list and a lot of times like say maybe it's not just like bikini accounts but it's like you know all the girls that they've probably like and i'm not saying that a high body count is a red flag but what i'm saying is it's like you see the type that they're going for and it's like all the type of girl that's like got to social media she looks hot as fuck like that's that's her and if that's their only standard yeah that's their standard how they look and who how many followers they have that's a red flag that is a red flag and and that i think is because then they're just looking for the validation of those women being like oh i want to fuck you or there's just they just prefer superficial like non and not not that i'm saying that those people aren't deep because i think they are but like all their the presentation just gives off superficial absolutely and that's what i'm saying is like if you're you know like if you look at someone's exes and it's all just a bunch of like superficial people and maybe this is a red flag for me oh i just called myself that a little bit.
A little bit, actually, because the moment you said that, I was like, oh, wait. Because it is true. Like if if you look at their exes and it's but you know what? Look at my husband, my ex-husband. That is my redeeming quality. OK, that is my is your one. That is my redemption. No, think of Travis. Travis is hot.
But travis wasn't like you know the the kind of guy that's like he wasn't gq's finest i get it but he was pretty no he was hot i'm just saying he wasn't like you know on instagram like shirtless blah blah anyways actually he had a few shirtless what i was saying is is that like if you look at their exes and it's all superficial then maybe question like okay yeah what are they actually going for in a person however my type is tall ripped do you need the validation no it's not that i need the validation i just i i really like very strong arms and and i really like people that you know take are like good about their health however I do also want someone that is like a good person so it's like and that's what I'm saying is like you can find both you can find someone that is super hot and takes care of their body and like look at me I'm a great person and I'm super hot so it's like they're out there I think I think the main point here is that like social media at the end of the day is really not that big of a deal and like really just kind of stupid so don't i'm being real here so but if someone like takes their social media like that seriously outside of it being their job yeah red flag um also someone said doesn't like animals any person that is shitty to an innocent being animal human whatever immediate red flag and i will say this not everyone needs to own a pet okay i totally get it pets are expensive it's like you know millennials children and maybe you just don't like fur i get that and on top of that or maybe you know you just travel a lot however yeah if you don't like animals or this if a guy says like i hate cats red flag I don't like fur i get that and on top of that or maybe you know you just travel a lot however yeah if you don't like animals or this if a guy says like i hate cats red flag don't fucking come near me well yeah but i have four cats but like what's their why do you hate them like what do they ever yeah what do they ever do to you why is it like really like truly like mauled the fuck out of you when you were four and now you have like trauma yeah i get that but otherwise even then you could probably work through it and forgive the fucking cat exactly also someone i've been bitten by a dog and i still love dogs yeah you know someone put don't know if it's weird but if he doesn't have car insurance i think the red flag that they're trying to say there is that they don't have their shit together yeah i get i'm deciphering all of these but at the same time like the root issue at the same time you know like we can't always expect everyone to have all of their shit together i don't but car insurance is pretty okay i will say this someone also said where was that oh and there's any like and we're not just saying red flags for men but like um ones that like if they're homophobic or like they use that's gay the phrase that's gay when a man enjoys something labeled feminine I'll see you next time.
red flags for men but like um ones that like if they're homophobic or like they use that's gay the phrase that's gay when a man enjoys something labeled feminine oh yes i remember one time i was talking to a guy and i can't remember what i was like saying or what how what the conversation was about or like how it necessarily got there where it went but it was like something along the lines of like um uh it had to do with like pegging guys and then his response was like something along the lines of like you know getting rid of that you know group of men that enjoyed me and I was like excuse me and I was like that is an immediate red flag oh hell no I know and I I'm glad i didn't i didn't pursue that any further but that was i thought yeah if they if like i get it you know not everyone has to be into like feminine things or not everyone has to be into pegging or you know if something isn't your cup of tea that's fine but like especially when it comes to like men talking about men if they're shaming something that's like feminine that another man is doing i think that's a red flag someone put no social media i think that's a green flag wait they put that no social media is a red flag okay i agree i think no social media is a little bit of a green flag i like it if anything i'm like you're not out here looking at bitches all the time and you don't need to be a jealous bitch but no no no on top of that like you're not constantly like seeking the validation of social media and and i do think that's a green flag however with those people you don't know what they're doing you have no idea yeah that's what do they do with their spare time you can't look to see when they were active on instagram or what if or if their Snapchat score keeps going up without them responding to you.
Okay, that's a red flag. If you check people's Snapchat scores, red flag. And this is coming from someone that used to do that. Someone who does do that. I've healed it. I've healed it. I'm not. I'm not. I've healed it. I don't look. Well, back when I used to use Snapchat.
And then i got to a point where i'm like why am i doing this this is stupid and that's the thing i think we need to remember about red flags everyone has them everyone does shady shit you know that's hilarious um prudish when it comes to humor do you agree with that is that a red flag is that a red flag i will say this okay i oh go ahead you know you go ahead well i was gonna say you know like for example you and i are people that talk very openly about sex i get it sometimes we should probably dial it back just a skosh however if you know in a social setting i'm talking about something that is sexual in nature and someone acts as if like it is disgusting that i that I am, like, discussing that or, like, shaming me for it, I think that's a red flag.
Thoughts? Yeah. However, I am someone that wants, like, I want to be aware of my environment. Sure. Like, you know, if a little kid comes walking up, I will shut my damn mouth. Yeah.
But if I'm at a bar and it's loud and I'm, you know, like, I'm surrounded by a adults no i'm not gonna be screaming what i was doing last night however you know if i'm talking to someone about it like that's it's fine exactly no i mean i think when it comes to like being prudish it's it's just a matter of like you can be prude and you can express a boundary you can be like yeah like and that's not a red flag that's not a red flag but like don't be rude about it to the other person someone put um long fake hoochie mama nails lmeo oh that those are okay if i'm not gonna lie if i see the nails that are like this long which i mean if you're on youtube you can see the length but like the nails that are like over an inch long like hella long like you think also also i broke this nail so please don't look at it but also kimi and i broke the same nail on the exact on the opposite hand on the same day if that doesn't scream mirror image twin i don't know what does anyways i think long hoochie mama nails but that's a preference i think that's the thing i think that's one thing that like when it comes to our red flags and green flags is we have to remember it's like what it's all based on preference it is so it's like but long feet what long feet yeah oh wait sorry yeah big size feet ugly feet okay interesting that's just a preference yeah that's not a red flag i think i think red flag should speak more on like the person's character well and i told and that's what i was saying i think red flag is or and green flags are related to character and like basic morals and it's something that would like negatively impact the other person yes so like for example if you have big feet that's not going to negatively impact them you just have a preference of not liking big feet or republicans you know you just don't like republicans yeah that's a preference what has a Republican done to you that's what I'm saying it's like that well okay okay wait hold on that one's a that one's a weird one okay but anyways what has a Republican done to you I'm gonna make that into a t-shirt sorry we just have phlegm sorry sorry we have phlegm okay wait i have one i have one a red flag what this is a red flag that anytime i hear a guy say it it's almost immediate ick and actually one of my exes said this early on and i should have known right away to just like poof cut it off and leave oh what is it he said i'm just a good old boy like i'm just a good guy i'm just a good you know guy trying to do this and i was like no if you have to validate a narcissist no that's just because that's just because they want to make it known that they're good they are exactly and that's what i'm saying That there's unhealed issues there that they need to like get to the bottom of uh but that's what i'm saying like he was like i remember one time he was like i'm just a good old boy from texas like i'm not trying to or it's like i'm just a good guy trying to and i'm like no if you have to validate that you're a good person like yourself no i'm sorry red flag and i was like immediate ick i think that's an ick anyways someone with a red flag because then they're not self-aware of the fact that like or i think they're like trying to overcompensate yes and ignoring their faults and instead trying to be like oh no no i'm a good person yeah that's you know like at the end of the day I remember I had a coworker.
He was very, um, I could tell he was very insecure about like himself and he would always, whenever he'd get drunk, he'd be like, I'm a good person. And I'm like, a good person doesn't need to tell themselves that they're a good person. I, you know, I've been on that side of insecurity where I'm just like trying to remind myself that, and that I had to heal a lot before I could get out.
Like, I even tell myself that like if you ask me what kind of person i think i am i would say i'm a decent person i think i am depends on the day in the situation i know i don't know what energy are you meeting i don't know what energy you're gonna catch me and i have my days where i'm not a good person i'm probably that one girl i crossed that fucking barreled into me she did not get the nice version of me exactly god oh fuck you and i mean i think for the most part i'm respectful and i practice kindness however like i i'm i'm a decent person i don't know anyways i think you're good well thank you um another one i actually really like this one if they're not willing to Go down on you And I think that can apply for both Okay actually you know what i take that back that could be a preference however i feel like if here's if you've been seeing them for a long time and they will never go down on you i do think that is a topic of discussion and something that you should consider because something that i ignored for far too long I think the root cause there is that like that gives you you know reason to question their level of attraction and intimacy for you because it's like if they're not willing to go down on you then it's like so are you not getting excited about my body exactly and you know what that's also what?
That's also a great way to tell. Like, is there a repulsion there or? And it's also a great way to tell, like, if you like on the flip side of it, like, if you don't want to go down on someone for whatever reason, you're probably not that into them. Because here's the thing. I hate blowjobs. But if I love the guy, fuck, yeah, I'm down. Or if I'm really into him.
guy fuck yeah i'm down or if i'm really into him that's what i'm saying if i'm really into the person i will do my absolute best to deep throw i will do anything possible exactly so but if i don't like the person i don't want my mouth on their genitals so yeah okay also a lot of people said dirty nails again preference preference i think the root cause there is that they just don't want some they want someone that takes care of their body yeah so really easy way to see like where their hygiene's at oh i like this one um if they talk down about and someone actually it's funny because someone said talking down on only fans girls is a red flag and then someone else said only fans only fans is a red flag and that is a thing i don't think only if someone has an only fans i don't think that's a red flag no it's it's sex work and it i mean if you enjoy porn but then get mad at people who have only fans and it's like well then why are you looking at porn exactly and i think the thing there is like log off chive do some self-work i know and that's the thing is that like it's always guys that are like you know looking down on girls with only fans and i'm like you look at porn you look at you know all the instagram models and their bikini pics like yeah i'm like what what so it's okay if you're enjoying it but like if it's someone that you're dating then suddenly it's not okay that's just misogynistic and patriarchal as fuck and you're wrong i don't think that's a red flag but this person said talking down on of girls but following their igs yeah that's just a fucking hypocrite yeah and that's the thing if i think it is a green flag when you have a supportive king who doesn't care what his girl is doing to bring in money and and here's the thing you can have a preference if you don't want to date someone that does sex work that is fine to have as a preference however you don't need to look down on you don't need to look down on them and you don't need to think it's a red flag if they do sex work so and if you do think it's a red flag that they do sex work maybe do some soul searching and figure out why and then go see a therapist and fix that anyways that was a little straightforward someone said why am i not a priority after one date yeah that that's kind of a red flag that's just moving a little too fast and like and see that's what i'm saying i thought that was kind of my red flag too high of expectations without the communication yeah and so it's like that that was kind of my red flag is that like i'd want to like you know within like three four like three, four dates be like prioritized.
And I'm like, I need to slow that down a little bit and like, let things kind of build organically. Well, because everybody prioritizes differently and like everybody has their day-to-day life and you can't just go on a date with one person like them. And then all of a sudden expect them to change their entire routine of however many years or whatever to accommodate you. Yeah. Like that's not going to happen overnight.
It's going to happen over a happen over a span of time absolutely but yeah that's advice i need to take oh that is another red flag of mine is what historically i let my when i let my anxious attachment style take over i take things too fast and i feel like i said that too yeah yeah and i've learned i've learned to slow it down a lot more and i and i recognize when i'm doing it myself but like i think that is a red flag when i just like when i try when i try to take things too fast when it's like no just you know chill out chill out um i thought this one was funny someone said uh for red flags plays golf i'm sorry i think it's a green flag if you have a boo that plays golf because guess what Thank you.
um i thought this one was funny someone said uh for red flags plays golf i'm sorry i think it's a green flag if you have a boo that plays golf because guess what you know what they're doing yeah they are focused on that game they are trying to keep their score low i think that's how you play golf yeah you know and so they're putting tiny balls in tiny holes which means they are not out fucking another bitch no do we have cheating trauma why do we we do anyways um no i think if anything if someone has a hobby like that i think that's a green flag because they're willing to like dedicate themselves to something and a lot of times like it's something that they want to like maybe improve in or just, like, it keeps him active or whatever.
So, like, I think that's a green flag. I think what the person is trying to say there is by, like, saying plays golf, and I'm assuming this is a trauma for them. It was probably just someone in their past chose golf over them. It can be an intensive sport. Well, no, but then it's like, but then they prioritized golf more than the person. So then that person is now resentful towards golf because it's like their partner wasn't prioritizing them. Yeah. I mean, and I think, you know, especially like whenever you have like long-term relationship, whatever, like prioritization is very important.
And if your partner in a long-term relationship is not prioritizing you, that's exactly, that's definitely a red flag.
So in oh i saw this one actually quite a bit a lot of people said that if someone calls women females that's a red flag i agree why are we calling them females i think you should only be using male female like in like the very scientific literal terms i know like if you're referring to women as like females i think like like i love that female over there i mean i guess it really depends on the context but i know what they're trying to say and i do think that that can be a little bit of a red it's like if you go up to someone and you're like you're a beautiful male joseph is like dying laughing over there see i'm so funny okay actually this one is interesting um and i don't think it's a red flag someone who says they hang out with their family every weekend if you have a family that you actually enjoy spending time with that is a green flag okay okay but here's here's a here's a sense where it's not a green flag oh and i actually have a perfect example for this and i'm assuming this is op's um trauma here this is actually what we're doing is we're taking your red flags and unearthing your traumas um but i have a very good friend who her and her husband they have two kids he's the money maker she's a stay-at-home mom he will easily prioritize spending time with his family over like his parents and his siblings over spending time with his children and her why because he's so close to his mom oh that's a red flag that is a red mommy's boy or daddy's girl yeah and i think that the thing there is that like your your parents are have not been able to like let go of control of you and for some reason you have still seeking validation from your parents exactly and so i i do agree that can be a red flag however i think people with good family dynamics that's a green flag no i think that's beautiful because like i'm sure people look at us and they think like and they look at the fact that we have you know broken relationships with both of our fathers and we're like wow two for two like No, I've been like yeah I've got daddy issues because you know both my fathers have either disowned or abandoned me like that I could see people looking at me and when I say that I'm being like oh red flag however I have a great relationship with my mother so I hope that's a redeeming quality but that is actually one of the first things that I will ask a guy is what their relationship is like with their mother because and then follow that with their father yeah because I think that that can be a strong indicator of the kind of person you're getting into.
So now I will say this. Related to family, here's another thing that I look at and it can be a red flag. If a guy that I'm like dating or whatever doesn't have a lot of friends, red flag. What if they're just kind of a loner?
I get it when people are loners.'s however if and here's the thing they don't need to have like you know a thousand friends i'm saying if you don't have like a single close platonic person in your life that you can like hang out with and talk to and do stuff with and like you know whatever if you don't have that i think that's a red flag and yes i get it you know we all have priorities and like you know if you're working a lot and you want to find love maybe like you know you are spending your free time prioritizing romantic connections however like i do think you need to find balance and also prioritize you know friends i mean i think when it comes to like you know because whether you're introverted whether you you know what whatever friendship means to you i mean i think that's more of a preference but i feel like it is like maybe it's a red flag if like they just they're not able to build strictly platonic relationships or something and that's what i'm saying i think that's a red flag absolutely 100 okay valley girl accent that's not a red flag that's a preference and see guys we got to really think about this like when it comes to red like think about what's just a preference and i get it preferences are fine and what's something that like you know if you notice that about a person then all of a sudden you're like oh that's something that i need to like be mindful of and see like if they're fixing it if they are aware of it and that's I think that's the thing is like when I notice a red flag in someone like I want them to be aware of it you know and you don't necessarily have to you know have it completely healed but like if you're at least like aware of it and understand like maybe what you need to do to get there I think that's good enough and I'm like okay then at least like they know okay I need to take these steps and like this is what you do but if they like you know if there's something that is a clear red flag and they have like just absolutely no you know line of vision to it then I'm like okay then they're not self-aware yeah someone put bad talking their ex red flag absolutely because I feel like that speaks to their character I agree that that is a red flag however I have heard of instances where they explain the situation and I feel like that speaks to their character.
I agree that that is a red flag. However, I have heard of instances where they're explaining the situation and I'm like, that is valid. Yeah. That is valid. I feel like you can explain a situation and still be respectful. Exactly. And you know what?
I will say this whenever I was going through my divorce and I was dating people, I remember so many people would comment on how they're like, they're like, I can't believe that like you speak so highly of him after everything that like you guys are going through and I'm like yes because I still respect this person and because even though like things aren't working out like they are not a bad person yeah so like I get it you know there are people out there that will like fuck you up and like cause trauma and all that shit and so like yes you know if they are actually a bad ex, those exist like let's not you know uh pretend that doesn't exist however when you are talking about them there is a way to go about it because like the the tone the words like how you're describing it like all of that yeah if you're using you know that fucking bitch every five seconds that's questionable yeah and so i think there it's like you know yes recognize that you know some of your exes did some fucked up shit but like how you go about discussing it is gonna is like whether that's a red or green flag like that's what tells me like okay you know it was a fucked up situation but they can at least still be respectful towards this person that's good yeah so i just very recently learned um i don't know i think we covered just about all of them yeah honestly this was love bombing oh i think like is it i love bombing can just be a quality, a bad quality in the sense, like, you could be trying to be manipulative.
That one's a tricky one because I'm, like, if you want, and this is where I struggle. I wonder sometimes. That's, there's my red flag. What? That's what I was trying to say earlier. In my self-sacrificing, I can become in like in my self-sacrificing tied in with my anxious attachment and how like sometimes I just won't leave a situation alone. It can come off as a little bit like manipulative or love bombing. Yes. I feel like I've done that in the past, at least like I'm aware of it now and I know not to do it, but I feel like I have done that in the past.
But the thing with that one is, and I think that's something that we need to all remember is that when it comes to like love bombing or you know when people say like oh they're being manipulative you have to remember that a lot of those actions come from the trauma from when we were children we felt we needed to do certain things so that we could receive love from our parents and so those patterns were trained in us from a very young and early age and so then when we're doing that to other people then all of a sudden you know someone else looks at me like that's manipulative that's love bombing or whatever but like it's rooted in childhood trauma and this happened to me i remember like when i was when i was with camilla and i had my session with her and we were talking about the ways that I show love or express love to people.
And she was like, and she was kind of saying that some of it could be considered manipulative. And then she, and then she kind of like, we went back to my childhood and like what I felt I needed to do to get love from my parents. And that's where we kind of put two and two together. That's where it stemmed from. And it made me look at the way that I show love so much differently because it made me realize that I need to really think about the intention.
Am I doing something because I want to elicit a certain response from someone or am I doing something because I genuinely want to, you know, do that thing for them? There it is. Show them love in that way. Perfect. Exactly. The issue that I've had in the past. Exactly. And, well, we did have this in childhood. Yeah, we did. Exactly.
And exactly and so that's the thing it's like i'm very well aware that sometimes yes i probably do things because i do want to elicit a response but at least like i am a lot more aware of it now and i can actually before i do something i will think for a second why am i doing this what it what like what is my intention here and put a little bit more thought into it to try and heal that i'm not perfect at it sometimes i think i still fuck it up but at the end of the day again i'm aware of it and so i think that when i hear love bombing i guess that's like what i think of is that like where does that stem from in like likely their childhood trauma and like is it something that they're aware of because i didn't become aware of it until a year ago so well and i think i mean same similar timeline for me um because you know in the past like based on childhood traumas i have you know done certain things self-sacrificing people pleasing whatever however you want to look at it you know to try to listen a certain response and i think like you know when you come across that situation you can look at the other person and be like well you know this is a wound of theirs you can point it out or you can like simply ask them like if someone is showing you what you consider love bombing ask them what are your intentions behind all of this you know love and affection that you're showering me with or do you want a certain response out of it are you trying to get a response out of me or is it because you genuinely want to like show me that love and affection or like what is your intention etc and like maybe get them to think about it and then maybe that will help kind of bridge that um but that i think love bombing is just so hard you hear that term all the time and i think that's such a tough one because like i said a it can be rooted in childhood trauma b it's one that maybe people aren't necessarily always aware of c it can also be related to anxious attachment style and d um i also like just come from it could come from an actually manipulative person or it could come from a actual genuine place too someone that just but then again is it self-sacrificing is it you know like if someone's showing so much love right away like what is that root where is that stemming from and so i don't think we need to take that one so personally i actually really loved this episode really yeah it was all over the place no but i think you know well not really because at the end of the day like we were just like taking red flags and finding the root problem rooted red flags there's a title oh i like it i like it that's a good title too anyways guys wait joseph how much time do we have left oh okay also someone said when someone acts like that tough guy and wants to fight and argue with others constantly red flag ego work my guy guys thanks for tuning in um thanks for listening us talk about traumas we told you it wouldn't be a healing season but we're still healing so here we are well i mean is it's also just a great topic i think when it comes to red flags so yeah anyways and i hope we do get to record with our guest in the near future now we got to think of another fucking topic to talk about with him but we'll figure it out anyways y'all have a great rest of your day um thank you for tuning in we love you doubleteenpodcast.com you know where to find us at cami and nikki at doubleteenpodcast um what else we'll see you next week bye Bye.
Wear condoms. All right. All right. I hope you guys enjoyed that episode of the Double Team Podcast.
Again, if you want to listen to them every Thursday, a new episode drops drops so you can find them the double team podcast on all major podcast platforms and don't forget to check them out on social media as well their instagram is at cammy and nikki and at double team podcast or if you want to find them on tiktok it's at double team podcast and if you want to be able to see them and tell a difference you know with in their voices make sure you go and listen and watch them on youtube as well all right i think with that in a world full of apples be the pineapple be the pineapple guys bye
