Send us Fan MailLifestyle Education | Back to Basics: What Is Swinging and How Does It Work? | Episode 177In this episode of The Swing Nation Podcast, the top-rated podcast about non-monogamy and swinging, Dan and Lacy take it back to the basics! Whether you re brand new to the lifestyle or just curious, this episode is your ultimate beginner’s guide to swinging.Dan and Lacy break down what swinging really is, explain essential key terms, and explore the different types of swinging—from soft swap to full swap and everything in between. They also dive into how swinging works, offering insight into navigating connections, boundaries, and expectations in the lifestyle.Tune in for a fun, informative, and candid conversation that’s perfect for anyone looking to learn more about the world of swinging. Don’t miss this back-to-basics episode!- The Swing Nation -Main Website Quick Navigation Website: -- (Find all our social media links more!)- Swinger Society - Our Website to meet, connect events Swinger Society Discord Our Facebook Group- Swinger Websites -Kasadie 90 day free trialUsername: TheSwingNation SDC 14 day free trial Username: TheSwingNation** Use code 36313 for 14 days free! ** SLSUsername: NorthernGuynSouthernGirl- Merch More -Order Your Merch Here!- Lacy’s Fun Links -VIP OnlyFansPREMIUM OnlyFans-- THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS --Wisp : Making sexual healthcare inclusive, cost-effective, and accessible—for everyoneUse Code SWING at checkout for 15% off your oder!Shameless Care: ED Medication and at home STD testingUse Code TSN at checkout for $30 off your order!Promescent® Make Love Longer, It’s Time for Great SexUse Code SwingNation for 5% off!Sing it Bikinis: adjustable one-size styles, thoughtfully crafted to flatter every body type.Support the show- Thank you for the support! -
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This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18, it contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice. Welcome to the Swing Nation podcast, a podcast by swingers, for swingers, where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle.
Come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe, interview the experts, learn and grow together. Join the nation. So Lacey, people are asking, how do they get to go to a party or an event with us? They check out swingersociety.net. You create a profile, you sign up for an event, and you come hang out with us. Super easy. That's right. If you want to party with us and the other faces and names that you know from social media and TikTok, head on over to swingersociety.net. Can't wait to see you there. Sexual health care can be so much more than STI testing.
WISP offers services like emergency contraception, help in delaying your period, UTI treatments, and so much more. Thank you. health care can be so much more than STI testing. WISP offers services like emergency contraception, help in delaying your period, UTI treatments, and so much more. They even have a product called the OMG Cream that helps provide more fulfilling orgasms for women. WISP provides same-day prescriptions and can give you discreet treatment in the comfort and privacy of your own home. Check out the link in our show notes or go to HelloWiz.com and use code SWING for 15% off.
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Yet that's the only way to check for oral gonorrhea or chlamydia which are often asymptomatic you need a better doctor you need shamelesscare.com use coupon code tsn at checkout hey there pineapple people and welcome to the swing nation podcast we are your hosts northern guy and southern girl and today we're back with another i was gonna say special episode but a normal episode yeah it's a normal it's like that in between christmas new year's time so it's no events for us we got well we're about to hit the ground we are running yeah 2025 is here and it's it's not slowing down yeah so we're going to be at trapeze atlanta this weekend so you're hearing this on thursday we're going to be there on saturday yeah and there's a chance of snow but we're going to be there we're going to make it happen so as long trafeeze, we're there.
Yeah. So as somebody that grew up in New England and now living in the south, seeing people freak out when it snows is kind of entertaining to me. Yeah, it is.
I do understand that the towns and the cities are not equipped to handle snow like they are in New England, but it's still hilarious and even like the way people drive when it starts to snow it's also hilarious to us who are doing it just so you know like we also know we're ridiculous it's also kind of fun to like stay home and do nothing like the northern people are like oh well i'll just go to work well if i could stay home that would be great yeah i think so we just went on family vacation to niagara falls over new year's and on the way back from niagara falls we went through i don't know this seemed like several blizzards yeah and you're like i cannot believe people are just driving in this like you're like if this was home nobody would leave their house for a month no yeah it's like this this is just a normal tuesday up here yeah but anyway okay so back um to this episode so what we're going to talk about today we're kind of bringing it back to the basics a little bit honestly some of our most popular episodes that we've had over the last few few years or really since we started the podcast is when we kind of explain the lifestyle so like the swinging 101 or advice to newbies or a lot of episodes have to do with jealousy that kind of thing yeah they tend to do very good and um something i don't think we've ever really talked about is like what are we talking about like what is swinging like what we've never really kind of just had a general discussion about what swinging is or what the lifestyle is so that's kind of what i wanted to do today yeah i like it you like it well i like it because there is um a lot of people that say like you're not a real swinger you're a fake swinger like stuff like that we actually have a a group chat that's called fake swing as a joke it's an inside story but um so they talk to us They say that about us but they said we hear people say it about other people as well so i think like talking about this will kind of like debunk some of that yeah so today's episode is literally what is swinging that's what we're gonna talk about yeah okay so i think give me the definition i lose definition don't even look at what i wrote here on the the show notes what would you if you were to define swinging what would that mean to you like in general term it's swapping partners but i know that these notes say otherwise because it is more than swapping partners it can be all right so here's here's my definition um swinging is consensual not the the consensual non-monogamous lifestyle where couples or individuals yeah engage with sexual activities with other often as a shared experience yeah i think that's i think to being to get like which i know then we talk about like same room not same room but overall the experiences typically are together even if you're doing separate rooms and you come back to each other and talk about it to me that brings it back together so i think as long as it's along those lines to me it is sweet no i agree i think you know if you've listened to people that are in the hot wife lifestyle um you know front porch swingers is probably the one of the more predominant ones as a podcast and stuff and you hear why they enjoy it a big reason they enjoy it as a couple is that reconnection right it's that i know you're going and doing something bad that turns me not bad naughty naughty whatever yeah and then when you come back that energy we have from that experience that you had is what we enjoy in that yeah um so yeah i think i think if you're in the non-monogamous lifestyle if you are a swinger if you're a lifestyle person whatever term you want to use for it um i think it is a shared experience for you as a couple yeah um now if you single obviously it's it's all about you yeah and i think we both experienced that yeah agree okay so before we get into more discussion on this i do think we need to go over some terms because i think we're going to say them and um if you're there's when you talk to when we start talking about terms in the lifestyle, we could do an entire podcast on that.
We have some. We have some. We've done at least one if not two on just lifestyle terms. So if you want to know more about lifestyle terms, go back and find those episodes.
We're going to go over some of the most used ones, I think, just so that we're kind of all on the same page here uh so give me what is soft swap um it's basically everything but sex like the penetration part so yes all the foreplay and all the things leading up to it yeah so soft swapping is non-penetrative sexual activities with other partners and i kind of when you say that like like where where does the soft swap start i guess is kind of the question you could get into right because like if you're dancing if you're on the dance floor making out with somebody that's not your wife is that soft swapping basically right so i mean like do you have to be horizontal well i don't know i just don't know where that starts i don't know i don't think it really matters at least it doesn't to me i don't know yeah i know for us when we say we soft swap with a couple that usually means like we went somewhere like we had oral sex with them yeah usually yeah but i mean i could see we've done like parallel play and stuff like that with people and not done anything and that's kind of uh in the realm of soft swapping i would say okay so if that's soft swapping then what is what is full swapping the whole shebang all of it right so penetrative sex penis and vagina right or i guess if you were you could be any penetrative sorry i'm going down a rabbit hole well yeah regardless of gender i guess you could have um other ways but uh okay unicorn single female that engages with couples yeah And so there are some debate about the unicorn thing is does she have to be single yeah i think that's yeah because it is common to say like my wife will unicorn for you yeah i think if you say it like that i'm okay with it my wife will be your unicorn this weekend yeah i think if you say it in those, I'm okay with using it as far as that.
Because I know what you're talking about. But if someone presents themselves as a unicorn, I'm going to assume that they are not married. Right. Or that would be, yeah, that would be my thought. Also, I personally do not think that unicorns have to be bisexual. That is another debated topic.
It debated um and i think to each their own i would not consider a girl who like plays with like let's say like she makes out with the wife you know they give devil blowjobs to the husband to me and she like just has actual penetrative sex with the husband to me that is still a unicorn i don't i agree i think if you are a single female engaging with couples however you choose to engage that's that's a unicorn now i do think we use that term and say to to clarify married couples that are going to go play separately or single with with another couple you say oh yeah my wife will be your unicorn tonight or my wife you know you can my wife can be your unicorn you know which basically means she's going to go play by herself with whoever but isn't that still kind of a hot wife situation because she's still going to come back and tell her husband about yeah i'm getting into the weeds here and this and this is well this is important you know i think every person or every group you know we've had discussions on this on at stages at naughty in new orleans where people are arguing about terms basically when you use one of these terms if you are not clear what they mean you need to clarify with them because it does these terms all mean different things to different people correct it's also regional it depends on where you live in the country so i think we shouldn't just if someone says i am a unicorn you say okay what does that mean to you yeah are you single are you married are you yeah do you play separately and as a list goes on yeah because if somebody says we only soft swab and then somebody like starts fingering you know somebody that could be to somebody else that might be penetration right so i think just being like clear on boundaries and what you mean by terms is always important regardless if it's your first day in the lifestyle or you've been doing this for years agreed uh a bull a single male in the lifestyle now i know where this is going because typically a bull is like a well-endowed more dominant type of guy um but i would not consider a single guy who maybe didn't have those characteristics not a bull right i agree yeah there's so much gray areas i mean it's like just learning about swinging that hears this they're like what the fuck right so in very general terms a bull is a single man who engages with couples yeah now again you can do the same thing where oh my husband will be your bull tonight or like yeah you can take my husband and he can be your bull tonight um there is some you know other terms out there that kind of clarify their sexual orientation more right some people will call a bisexual male a dragon um like you said there is some connotation that a bull is somewhat more dominant and somewhat well endowed and so there's another term there, bluefish, which is just a single male that's not those things.
Some people will use that. Honestly, I hear bull used all the time. I do hear dragon more and more these days. I think that's because we're in the southeast U.S. I think, like, to me, that's more of like a west Coast, Midwest. The blue fish and the dragon thing. So anyway, but if you hear blue fish or dragon, that's what they're saying. A dragon is a bisexual male. A blue fish is just a normal dude that might not be well-endowed or dominant, but will play separately with couples. Okay. Hot wife.
It's a wife that goes and plays either without her husband or like maybe her husband goes and he just engages with her not with the other guy or sometimes maybe just watch maybe just in the room or whatever yeah so hot wife is generally a female that plays separately for her husband or just plays with her husband in the room um you get hot husbanding seems to be a thing that's talked about more and more these days uh you know when we first started this three four years ago i don't think i've ever ever heard ever heard anybody say that i don't know if it's like an official term but it definitely is something that's gained popularity it's essentially the opposite is where women like to watch and um their husbands engage i think that's probably like more of like women empowerment like we're kind of being okay to admit that you enjoy watching your husband fuck other people i think that's kind of changing with time so i think maybe that's why it's just now kind of more of a thing than it was before that's just my opinion anyway yeah agreed i'm gonna skip that next one because i've never heard that one before but um then the term play yeah somebody says play what do they mean in the lifestyle it's just have sex or have some form of sex it could be making out it could be all the way to full-on sex again i've heard negative uh talks about the word play because it is like associated with children with children and i've heard people say can we please not use that word i kind of agree i think it's a weird word but it's in my vocabulary now so i just kind of use i can't think of a better word i guess is the problem right because you say well you want to go fuck but not everybody fucks you know so like what word do you want to go have sexual activities that may or may not include penetration like are we fucking yeah that's you know but yeah play is essentially the act of swinging whatever that means very sensitive when it comes to you know things that involve children and stuff like that and that's why some people are scared about that but i also think it's okay for adults to play with each other you know i mean like yeah i think well like naughty gym their logo is like never never stop playing and in in the right yeah i think we're just super sensitive to things around that and i really do feel like the lifestyle is in a way a way to to keep that energy alive yeah i think we you know we in general are like oh once you get old you're supposed to you know settle down and be with one person and the white picket fence and you can't where i really feel like the lifestyle and the swingers lifestyle is like fuck that i'm gonna do what i'm gonna enjoy my life i'm gonna live my best life yeah i don't care about your rules so i kind of get why that you know we're playing we're gonna never stop playing that kind of thing i agree um lifestyle what does the word lifestyle mean um i think it well for me it's just swinging it's our life that we, you lifestyle um i will say that some people like i've heard at secrets they say lifestylers instead of swingers a lot he um jordan marshall says that so i kind of i actually kind of like that um and some people can just be like there's some debate if are you a swinger are you like a lifestyler you know are you is this like your true lifestyle yeah they're they're you know when you hear somebody say lifestyle they're basically talking about the swinger community but can it be non-monogamous because i feel like someone that's in the kink lifestyle is still somewhat of the lifestyle yeah well they might be monogamous though monogamous, though.
If you're talking about, like, BDSM and kink. So, when I think of lifestyle, I think that means anybody that's alternative lifestyle. Meaning they're not straight-laced, pure, what society says you're supposed to be. You know, they're not monogamous, white picket fence. These people, they're a little kinky.
Whether they're non-monogamous, whether they're into BDSM, whetherdsm whether they're those are all lifestyle people to me i almost don't think you have to be monogamous i think if like if you're heavy in bdsm with your right no i agree you can be yeah you can you can be monogamous okay you don't have to be non-monogamous you can be monogamous and be a lifestyle i think so yeah i think it's really anybody that's open-minded right you can be a lifestyle yeah you could be somebody that just likes being watched you know people watch you have sex to me that's a lifestyle and i think that's why i like the when you use the word lifestyle it refers to the overall community when you say i'm a swinger you're talking about yourself right like i am a swinger but i'm part of the lifestyle and i think that's that's the way i agree yeah because somebody else might be like, well, I'm a swinger, but I'm part of the lifestyle.
And I think that's the way I see it, too. I agree. Yeah. Because somebody else might be like, well, I'm a dungeon master, but I am part of the lifestyle, you know. Agreed. You can kind of, or I'm poly and I'm part of the lifestyle. So I think that kind of works. Yeah. Again, that term, you're going to get a million different answers. Correct, yeah. And like you said, a lot of people, there are people that say we should get rid of the word swinger because it has a negative connotation and people don't like the word. Thank you very much.
different answers and like you said a lot of people there are people that say we should get rid of the word swinger because it has a negative connotation and people don't like the word and we should replace that with lifestyle lacy i think kind of likes that i'm more of the i have mixed emotions yeah i'm more of the fuck you you're not going to tell me what my word means i like the word swinger like that i think feel like defines who i am better correct i guess like my stand is like i don't think that we swing the way that swingers did 50 years ago um i pray the general concept is the same so i don't know i have mixed emotions um that's another topic for another day agreed agreed uh okay any other terms so that's that's the basics of it is there any other terms that we didn't say that you think we should define um you said vanilla i see vanilla oh yeah i did which is vanilla is just basically like a non-swinger non-lifestyle non-lifestyle right yeah right so if you say you know oh uh we got friends coming over for dinner you know like if your swinger friends are coming over and you say hey we have some other friends coming tonight just so you know they're vanilla which basically is like hey don't be doing anything yeah they are not part of this lifestyle like treat them appropriately correct uh so just a way to refer to people that are not um part of the community yeah uh okay all right so now i think if we're gonna get more into what is swinging we have to define the different types of swinging and again we're gonna go over wave tops right because i think there's probably a hundred different types of swinging we're not going to talk about each and every one of them we're going to kind of hit the big picture stuff yeah all right so and we kind of hit on this a little bit with the terms but soft there's soft swap full and full swap and then same in separate room right so usually when you meet somebody that's in the lifestyle and you start the conversation you'd be like hey nice to meet you my name is dan you're like oh i'm lacy how long the next question usually is how long have you been in the lifestyle yeah what got you in the lifestyle what are y'all into right and then at some point they're going to say what are you into or or you know what do you guys do or you know are they might even straight out ask you you guys full swap or soft swap you know and they're basically you know maybe what are your rules what are your boundaries um because when you meet a couple you basically are trying one you're trying to figure out if you have a connection you want to fuck them but you also want to see what their rules and boundaries are because you need to see if they align with yours because we know there are couples out there that are just they will only play separate room yeah right so maybe we're dancing we see this hot couple and we're like oh these guys are hot we go over we start talking to them well if they only play separate room is we're never gonna get there right unless they're willing to um change right you know if we were in that situation you know there might be a situation where i'm like you know what i'll just take my wife and go fuck her like yeah it's okay like if you were like super into that yeah and i why did that just turn me on felt comfortable i don't i don't know um so anyway so you have to explain that stuff so again soft swap non-penetrative only sex full swap penetrative sex and then what is same room literally that um you're in the same room it doesn't necessarily have to be on the same bed swingers tend to get a two bed hotel room for that very reason because it's really hard to fuck more than one couple on a bed so um two beds and usually you know sometimes you'll be on the one sometimes you'll switch back and forth um different rooms would obviously be completely different rooms you know that may be you're at home and your wife goes with you know a couple or with a guy you know to his house it could be that you're in another room of the house it it could mean a lot of different things you could be at a swingers club by yourself and close the door yeah no and i think it's worth mentioning we use the term same roof often yeah because there's been a lot of times especially like we have only fans and we make content there's a lot of times where we will be in the same house but like i might be in a room over the you and then we can like hear each other so we're still actively like a part of it it's just not like right next to each other yeah no there's been time yeah like at secrets you went and did an all-girl orgy while i um threw a pool party so like uh we would you know if somebody asked us what are your rules and boundaries we would say we are a full swap same room couple correct but then there are some situations where we might change those rules and boundaries and that's completely okay i just think when you engage with a couple and you tell them what your rules and boundaries are, you're telling them very general.
Like for most people, most of the time, 90, you know, 5% of the time, we're a full swap same room couple. I will say that if you are a newer couple listening to this, because I think this is kind of like that audience, we have been doing this for a while. So we can kind of make those changes on the fly.
Like we have the communication skills and the trust and the honesty built up that we know that we can change but if you're newer to the lifestyle if you decide you're a same room full swap couple you need to stick to that and definitely don't don't do it don't if you're going to change it don't do it mitch mitch no don't do it at the party after you've had three drinks and you know a couple is like oh well we only play separate room like oh fuck it we'll do you know yeah that's that's usually a disaster right yeah and you might need to do that to learn you know that you don't do that because we've we we fucked up and have done that and that's kind of you know how we learned to kind of work through things so i just think that's worth pointing out because you get into a club you get horny you have a drink or two so you're feeling a little lose it's super easy to like adjust to like just so like have fun um but that can end up being a nightmare and i even think the you know the bigger reason not to do that is because in that situation there's pressure yeah right so What do you think?
can end up being a nightmare and i even think the you know the bigger reason not to do that is because in that situation there's pressure yeah right so we feel pressure years and years into this you know there's definitely pressure when you're new and you haven't learned those skills yet and not even that somebody's trying trying to to pressure you not even that somebody's trying to coerce you and make you do something you don't want to do but in that situation when there's you know if you meet another couple and maybe say i want to go play separately and maybe you don't but they say hey we only play separately and i'm like well fuck it i'll do that and then the three of us are looking at you and saying are you cool with it well that's a lot of pressure in that situation you know like you're going to feel pressure to say yes even if you don't genuinely want to yeah so the best thing to do in all those situations is stick to your rules and boundaries wait till you're out of the situation then have a real conversation without any pressure that like okay hey last night you know i know we didn't do, but I kind of wanted to play separately.
Would you have done that? And you'd be like, well, you know, maybe, actually, I might have. Or, okay, well, going forward, if we encounter that situation, is there some way we can communicate to each other about that, hey, this time with this couple, I am comfortable doing that? And you can even tell the couple, say, you know, tonight we're not sure. This is not something that we feel comfortable with. But, you know, let us go home. Let us have a conversation.
conversation you know like say it's a friday saturday night at a club or you know it's a club you go to so you're gonna be there next weekend too you know that's okay too i think that it's just communicating through it and if you can do that you're gonna mess this up but if you can do that um you're gonna avoid a lot of confrontation because the opposite happening is now lacy agrees to do it when really she didn't really want to right then she gets in that room and maybe that guy's dick doesn't get hard right and then i'm you know it's not funny i don't know why but you know but this is what the kind of things that happen right so you go in there and you mess around for 10 minutes and he never fucks you and then you come out of the room and then you hear me banging the shit out of this girl in the room next to you and then you're pissed you know i mean you're like i didn't want to do that you made me do it then i didn't even get fucked and you're just having the time of your life like you like that's how these things escalate into those situations you know it happens and then you're mad at each other for a week over nothing like nothing it was just a silly circumstances that that happened and you you communicated you thought you were on the same page but um it's just a hard thing to to change in the situation all right we got a little bit off on a tangent but i think i think that's i think that's an important uh and then i okay i think we left off with the same room so then what is separate room like literally a separate room so like i said before it could be in the same house as you it could be down the road it could be in another state you just you're not together typically it's the act of like leaving each other and then coming back and kind of reconnecting after the fact why do you let's i guess maybe give me some pros and for the same versus separate um a lot of pros that i hear is um you don't get distracted by your partner um you know especially like men they want to make sure their their wife is being taken care of that you know she's safe she's secure so you're you know you it's hard for you to fully let go and enjoy yourself because you have your eyes on when do you ever feel distracted by me in a group setting or in the same room situation like are you like in the back of your head being like is dan okay is everything going uh i'm not worried if you're okay that's not it i think i'm aware of you and I am, you know, I do have my eyes on you some, you know.
I am like checking in and stuff like, you know. But would I be more into it without you there? Possibly. Yeah. Possibly. But not, but at the point, I like you to be there, you know.
Like I choose for you to be, it's's hot i get turned on with you being there so that that is a part of it i enjoy now like if i'm looking for like passionate you know a different type of sex you not being there would probably be better but i'm not really looking for that yeah no that's interesting it is interesting i think what we get out of the lifestyle is we like doing it together because we like i like seeing you get fucked and squirt and come and like i think you like seeing me fuck girls and so like that's the experience for us i'm not really necessarily looking for like how do i have the best sexual experience me myself it's how we can have it but i can see yeah why being in separate rooms could make the sex that you have with other people better because you're not distracted yeah especially if someone's nervous like if the like if i'm with a guy that maybe like you make him nervous because you you know like it could be even that they're newer and you he hasn't like learned about eating medication and stuff like that you know it could be even something like that that like maybe your presence could make him nervous so just like removing you might make a better experience because that kind of takes that out but overall i genuinely want you there it's fine no and it's funny you know at this point i think we could go either way you know in the right situation yeah yeah i think we could do uh okay i think now's the perfect time oh i didn't do any did i do pros or did i do i did yeah okay what are some what are well i think yeah you get pros yeah did i do cons cons for playing separately uh no i didn't do that so for me um a con is i let my imagination get the best of me.
And instead of like fully relaxing and enjoying myself, I'm thinking about what you're doing or what I think that you're doing, which my imagination is always way worse than reality. I think you're like talking about like a five-year plan.
You're planning a wedding, planning a wedding, looking at houses, houses you know like what kind of new dog yeah what kind of dog you're gonna get like in my mind that's where my mind goes especially if i'm at home like not doing anything not doing anything and you're gone i think i would do probably do better with that if i was distracted you know like so you're saying if we were going to be so you're saying if we're going to play separately if i'm hearing you correctly you'd be better off like we're at a club i go into a playroom with one girl you go into a playroom with a guy i could do that easy and then we come back yeah if you don't have you've never listened to that podcast we did back during covid darren went and fucked a girl and i stayed home and i think it was just like you got dressed up you you know look nice you smell nice and you left and i'm like laying in bed in my pajamas like i don't know it was just like sad to just sit there the whole time thinking about what you were doing completely your idea too by the way yeah it was my idea go back and find that episode if you want to laugh at us because i was ridiculous um but yeah to me that's a con i don't know to me maybe this is an insecurity that i'm showing but i'm not gonna fall in love with another man if you're laying there next to me while i'm fucking him you know like it's just that's not that that i'm not that i'm think i'm going to do that when you're not there but i don't know i feel like you're just kind of opening yourself up to some of that i can see if you well i don't know i and it's i think it's different for men and women so for me i think if i just went and fucked women yeah it would be hard for me to fall in love or establish a connection i think if i'm like taking them out to dinner and going on dates and going for a walk and then fucking them like you're doing all the things that people do to fall in love yeah i mean if we're like fucking and laying there and i'm like caressing his back and we're talking about our goals in life and you know like especially if you like this is a once a week thing to me i personally can see where like some intimacy it's got to be there right especially if it's a long term thing there's some and i think the difference is you know some people will say why be afraid of that yeah some people really enjoy that and in swingers very much enjoy that and i don't i don't like knock them i think that if that's their journey i'm more proud to you at this stage in my life that's not something that i'm looking for no it's interesting and i wonder if it's sometimes i look at like polyamorous people and think like well they're the next level like they're just more like more advanced right they're more socially mature they're more in touch with their emotions like to be able to do that i think you'd have to be you know i mean yeah um managing your emotions and jealousy and insecurity like i think you'd have to be at a very very high level of all those things to even consider doing that um i do think there are people that are in that lifestyle that are not good at all those things and they just are trying to make it work too but um yeah i i think that sometimes and part of me is like i want to be the best at all those things so like but then there's a part of me that doesn't i don't want that but that part of me is like i don't i have no desire i don't want that personally i do not want that i mean like more power to the people i love and respect the people that do but for me personally it's not something that i'm interested in i agree i agree at this time we'll see what happens in five years watch we're gonna be on a podcast in a couple years and be like well you know what happened was listen i don't know yeah okay now it's the perfect time take a little break and hear from the partners and sponsors of the swing nation broadcast and then when we get back we're going to talk a little bit more about what is this what is this swinging thing yeah all right we'll be right back guys lacy we get asked all the time how do you meet like-minded people in the swingers lifestyle right and the answer is you have to get on one of these swinger dating sites one of our favorite swinger dating sites is cassidy um not only are they a great website they're one of the more like in this century feeling website you know it's laid out a lot like Facebook or something like that it's really easy to manage and negotiate lots of events on there we post all of our events on Cassidy you can also get it for 90 days 90 days completely risk-free if you use our link so if you go to the swing nation dot info scroll down to the recommended apps and product click on the Cassidy banner you're going to get it completely risk-free for 90 days go see who's in your area go see what events are going on check it out meet some like-minded people so did you know that you could actually own one of those awesome sex toys that you can ride on in your very own home yep that's right um we used to go to swinger parties and stuff and they would usually have one and i didn't realize that you could just like commercially like buy one of those for your home but you can and they're really not that expensive and to be honest with you it could be like a really awesome party favorite to have at your house like come on you want to come to our house and ride our motor bunny they're really amazing good quality um toys for your house you can just hop on on and enjoy the experience we love motor bunny if you've been to any of our secrets you've seen seen it out poolside, you should totally check them out.
They have basically prices for everyone, so it depends on what you're looking for. If you check out theswingnation.info, scroll to the bottom, find the Motor Bunny icon, and click on it to check them out.
One of our favorite sponsors, I think they were one of our first sponsors, is is promescent um promescent has everything you need for the lifestyle condoms lube um they got the massage oils um absolutely everything i didn't realize until we had joined this lifestyle and started um going to parties and stuff that gas station condoms are not what all condoms are and lube there's a lot better stuff out there so go check out permessent they got the aloe vera lube they got all kinds of massage oils they got some of the best condoms we've ever used go to the swing nation don info scroll down to the permessent icon go check them out they got everything you need for your next swingers event all right guys welcome back welcome back thank you for listening to our sponsors lacy loves all of our sponsors i do they're her favorite especially that motor bunny she really loves that one yeah that'd be a good gift like for a husband to buy his wife i like what you said like if you're going to throw sex parties at your house it's almost it's almost a must-have and that you can pack it away in this like discreet like box that it comes in yeah it comes in like a little almost looks like a it's like the same stuff like audio equipment comes in box okay let's talk about now uh you know we kind of went over what swinging is we went over a bunch of terms and stuff that are used in the lifestyle we went over some of the different rules and boundaries people can have so let's talk about a little bit about how does this work right so you know you've talked to your partner you guys are interested you saw lacy'sacey's TikTok.
You were like, this seems to be a thing. So how exactly does this work? So if I was interested in starting in a lifestyle, what would I do? So first you need to talk to your partner and you need to be on the same page. Are we past that? Are we at that stage? What are you asking? Let's say we're past that, right?
Okay, we're past that right so we've we've talked to each other all right so we've listened to the swing nation podcast we went to the swing nation.info we got we downloaded the swinger lifestyle guidebook for free from the swing nation.info we've had a good communication between partners and we're like you know what i think we want to try this thing so the next step for me is decide kind of what you're into what your boundaries stuff like that so i think you know you said you've listened into the podcast you've done the guide so you've kind of gotten a good sense of that to me i think the websites are really awesome because you can really see how freaky people are um i mean truth i didn't know what half this shit was before i was in the life so let's be honest i didn't know what dvp or any of this weird shit was so not weird not weird well i mean i do it but it's still weird i can call myself weird um so for me i think that you download any one of these Swinger websites.
And Dan just talked about one in the break. But there are several, Cassidy, SDC, 3Fund, SLS. There's a lot out there. And they're very regional. So you might have to, like, we have free trials for basically all of them. But you might have to get a free trial for all of them and kind of find which one you like. Which one you like. And the platforms are all a little different. They are. Right. So you might, you know, I think depending on who you are, you know, if you're a Facebook person, you might like Cassidy.
You know, STC, SLS, some of the, you know, they're all a little different in how they interact. Yeah. So you might just prefer, like, the actual platform itself. Yeah.
But the cool thing is like pretty much us or any other swinger influencer club any of that they all kind of have some sort of free trial see they're out there don't go pay for them right off the back use those free trials try to figure out what you like um and you really it'll make you build a profile to kind of get started you can leave it pretty bare you don't have to put any pictures or anything like that you know you could just leave it and i think go and like almost do research like look at other people to see what they're doing yeah and maybe talk about it with your partner be like oh they're they say they like this isn't this how do we feel about you know their full swap are we ready for full swap are we only?
Yeah. What is that? You're probably going to be Googling a lot. You're probably trying to figure it out. You know, see how other people post their pictures. You might, if you've been pretty vanilla, you might not have any, like, sexy pictures. So you might have to plan, like, and that could be a fun date night for each other.
You know, maybe send the kids to grandma's and have a glass of wine and take some pitch some hot pictures together so you can have something to upload you also want to look and see what's in your area like is there a swingers club you you may have one in your town and you have no idea they kind of hide in the back corners there might be hotel takeovers there might be a huge you huge lifestyle event or party in one town over. So I think the websites are really valuable for that reason. There are also some free websites like our Discord. We have the Swinger Society Discord.
You can also find that at swingersidey.info and it's completely free. A lot of those websites will have forums where you can ask questions. Discord is one of the great ones. There's literally a room for everything you can think of, like literally everything you can think of. So there's places where you can go and ask all those questions. And I really think that's like a good place to start. Yeah.
So Lacey's referring to swimmer site discord server so we have a it's like a chat server with 46 47 000 people in it and so like you're saying if you're interested in hot wifing where the wife goes and plays separately we have a hot wife channel so you could go in there and say hey guys we're new to the lifestyle we're thinking about hot wife thing um you know we you guys have any advice you know we're thinking about setting these rules these boundaries you know how do you help screen guys and there's people that you know have been doing this for 10 20 years and they'll they can walk you through it and if you have specific questions they can answer those specific questions so it's definitely a great place and there's rooms about everything right there's like rooms by state there's i mean everything every event that we throw there's a room for that um so i just i really think like especially if you're new to swinging actually going in person is kind of scary so i think starting with the online is like a safe way to do it at your home you could read something you could think about it you could come back and talk it's like i saw dvp what the hell is that and then you look it up and you're like i'm never doing that you know or i'm absolutely gonna do that right maybe you want to try it yeah like what's the best position or what lube should i use or does it hurt you know any of those questions you can you can go and ask and all that the great thing about lifestyle people is they're so open-minded like there's no stupid question um there's also no silly kink like if you're into something that you're thinking oh this is i'm weird for being into this thing um i actually just posted a i don't know if you saw it or not on the groups i posted i usually do like a question of the day and last night my question was are you into women that are lactating oh my god you so many guys are into it so many and girls for that matter oh tons there was way more into it than not into it so there's no fucking way just know that i'm not alone but anyway questions like that right yeah so um there's definitely kinks for everything and it's a safe place to share those and talk about of things.
We also have a Facebook group. The Facebook's a little more limited than the Discord because we can't do any not safe for work stuff on Facebook. But if you just had genuine questions, you can go on Facebook and ask those questions. We have a Reddit page, all that stuff. So all those links, theswingnation.info. But it doesn't even have to be us.
Let like let's just be real i mean i just want you to find the information however you find it i mean obviously it's super easy to go find it at our website but really the truth is it's out there you just kind of have to look for it um that would be for me if i was you starting swinging and didn't know to start um that's where i would start for sure okay um how do interactions usually um happen um well a couple of ways online um it's typically through messages so you can like search your area you know in a 15 mile radius or you know wherever if you want to change it to the next sound over and find someone there if you like someone it depends on the website i think they all have a different like version of like thinking somebody's cute right isn't some like you like them some you there's different ways of you know sometimes it's like you know you hit a heart on their profile and then if they hit a heart on your profile it matches you sometimes it's you you have to literally email them and wait and see if they sometimes you can open your pictures for them um because the way pictures work on these swinger websites typically is um you have public pictures that you don't mind everyone showing and then you have private pictures that typically are a little bit more risque um you don't want just anybody seeing those so if you find a couple attractive or a single attractive you can unlock your photos for them and it'll send them like a notification so it's basically like saying hey i see you check me out.
But there's always a good old-fashioned, hey, how are you? My name is Lacey. My husband's name is Dan. We live in the southeast. We really think you're attractive. You know, you can always do that as well. That's going to be your online way of doing it. In person, you just walk up to someone and say, hey, I'm Lacey.
Is this your first time here it's my first time i'm a little nervous you know where the bathroom is you know i mean it can be super simple and i think that it it gets i think people overthink it it so super funny naughty new orleans last year i met this super sweet couple and the guy um it was like they were brand new and the guy was like how do you just go up and talk to people like I don't even know so the whole Naughty and Moreland like our whole group got behind it every time we'd see him we're like hey I'm Lacey I'm new well I'm glad you're here can you you know and we were just like it he it became like this funny joke but we kind of taught him and that's something you'll learn in the lifestyle, how to introduce and how to, like, mingle with people.
I'm still not great at it, to be honest. Yeah, it's hard. I mean, it's, you know, I think we did that in high school and maybe in college. And then, you know, if you've been married for 10, 20 years, it's kind of hard to get back to that a little bit. But, yeah.
So, really, the the two ways of interacting with people are online and then if you get i will say there's so many people that we've met that are like oh we want we tried the swinging thing but we got on our app and there was a bunch of fake people and we didn't didn't work and so we quit um sometimes just going to an event going to a club going to you know a hotel takeover going to a resort or on a cruise sometimes that's better way yeah i i get the getting frustrated with apps things because these apps work a lot like i think you know if you've tried tinder and bumble and hinge and all those like it's it's kind of that same thing where you have all those same issues and problems and stuff like that well a lot of people can throw up a profile and say they're swingers but to actually go and meet someone and actually do it you know that's a different you know so you're going to run into a lot of that so if you get frustrated with the online take the take the dive take the plunge and at least give it i don't think just doing the online thing and judging the lifestyle off of that is fair.
I think if you at least come to an event, a party, and experience it one time, you might have a different opinion after that. Because those are all the – the real people all show up to the parties. Well, and if you go to the party, you have to talk to people. We've met people that they just stood in the corner and were nervous, which I get it. Honestly, if Dan wasn't with me, I would probably do the same thing. I'd be in the corner with you. But you have to actually go and talk to people. If you seem timid and shy, people are probably not going to come up to you.
So you have to put yourself out there. You've got to speak to people. You've got to stand at the bar. You've got to do all the things. Okay. Let's talk about a few other things. Let's start with safety. So talk to me a little bit about safety in the lifestyle. What does that mean when I say that? I've always felt safe. I don't know what you're asking, to be honest with you. I've always felt safe. One, because you're always there.
So feel safe because you're you're there too um the events always have security uh so I don't feel unsafe at events and I've we've had times where things have happened nothing major but things happen you know not everybody is going to make good decisions especially when there's alcohol involved security is always spreading to action and even if security was maybe not as quick as i want them to be everyone else around me was so it's almost like a self i don't know what you call it like self-policing yeah like the members and the people around you want you to be safe so you know if security is if security is on the other side and it takes them a minute to get there, by the time they get there, it's pretty much handled by the people around me.
The only time I've ever felt unsafe in a swingers situation was as a single female meeting people. Because I would go to people's like hotel rooms in their houses.
And that was pretty scary and kind of ballsy of me yeah but outside of that i've always felt safe yeah and i think what you said is important right so you think about a swingers club it's got all the same problems as a normal club yeah right where people are drinking and partying and there's still some of that you know male masculine peacocking kind of energy going on um but then people are getting naked people are fucking people are fucking each other's spouses and partners so there's all that there too all that being said if we go to a bar on friday night in n, there's going to be way more fights than there is at a swingers club, right?
So I really feel like this community gets it and is very, very good at even though there are all these things that could cause issues and problems, the community as a whole is pretty good at managing it and keeping it from getting to a boiling point.
And then if it does get to a boiling point quickly shutting that down and taking the appropriate yeah i know like phone security security and that uh recording is also a topic um clubs are very particular about where you can use your phone when you can use it um places like that you know, people are always scared they're going to get recorded and stuff like that. If somebody has a phone out, somebody's going to say something. Nobody wants to be recorded. Nobody wants to be. So if the club's not saying something, someone around you is going to be like, hey, man, you got to put that phone up.
You know, it's and no one wants to send your videos to someone else either. You know, even if they got that video, which I don't think they ever would, there's nothing they could do with it. Yeah. Well, that's important. Yeah. Pictures, videos are, you know, people do do that. I think having the right spaces in these clubs and stuff are important. And from what we've seen from the events and stuff that we go to, people are getting, you know, there's lots of backdrops, lots of photo booths and things like that. 360. 360 cameras. But there's like specific areas to use your phone. Yeah.
And then if you're using your phone outside of those areas, it usually gets shut down pretty quickly. Yeah. Because shit happens. Sometimes, you know, your watch goes off and it's your kid or your front doorbell's going off and you're like, who's at my house?
Sometimes you've got to step to the side the side check your phone to make sure everything's okay as long as you like respectfully step to the side and it's obvious you're not like recording someone you're usually pretty good you know and even to be honest with you i've been in a club where i did that you know i just decided to check my phone and they've said something to me like hey you can't have it out i'm like okay sorry just checking to make sure everything was good at my house you know so they're they're pretty cautious of that okay what about consent and and how consent is handled in the lifestyle so you you need to ask anyone before you touch them girl girl guy guy girl girl guy whatever whatever combination you can think of, you need to ask.
And that's for dancing, touching your arm, kissing, smacking an ass, touching a thigh. All of those things have to be consented on.
And I feel like the newer generation of swingers and lifestylers have done a really good job of making that a top priority uh to be honest with you it's something that i've had to learn especially with females i would just like go up and start dancing with a girl or touch her you know and it's something that i've had to really work on because i've never in like the normal world i've never really had to ask permission for that it's maybe i should have been doing it i don't know it's just not as prevalent as it is in the lifestyle but it's definitely something that the lifestyle preaches and really um upholds yeah no and i think you know again going back to the whole i think if you went to dress sexy went to a bar in nashville you probably have a better chance of somebody you know sliding by and grabbing your ass or slapping your asses or walking by or something like that um then you do it at a swing or club not to say it doesn't happen it does happen it does happen but i've like you're saying i've noticed if it happens usually three or four people are like yeah did you ask like you don't slap you Or like you don't do that yeah if i say like like not long ago we were at um a hotel takeover and the halls were like packed you were like kind of like butts to nuts you know getting through there and somebody very obviously like grabbed a handful of my ass and i was like that guy just grabbed my ass and one of our friends like duane was like who you know he was about to go get him and i was like it's really honestly it's not a big deal like if if the hallways weren't as packed you know i probably would have made it but i was like it's really it's not a big deal i'm fine but he was gonna go like say something to that guy because it's not okay so yeah uh definitely uh then like you said can i kiss you can i you know hey your boobs your boobs are beautiful do you mind if i touch them oh i love your ass is okay if i touch it like that's those are normal conversations that happen every single night in lifestyle environments your wife yeah and honestly it's a good like if a guy comes up to you and is dancing on you and i see him do that right like oh my god your ass is beautiful is it okay if i touch it you know or sometimes it'd be like you know and you're like yeah and then he even like look at me like yeah it's okay if i touch your wife's ass like when you do those things it makes everybody else so much more comfortable and so much more likely to want to then progress to the next level right because you're you've shown you're somebody that can be trusted that is is is cognizant of consent and is doing the right things to make sure everybody that's engaging that you're engaging with is comfortable with what you're doing agree uh okay and then for the safety thing what about safe sex um Condom use is very important to me.
I think as a whole, it's very important to the lifestyle. But that is an individual responsibility in question. I would never assume that someone is going to use a condom. I would always ask and then confirm. um i've've, I've, I've stuck my hand back there and felt, you know, or put the dick inside of me so I can see it on or put the condom on myself. Um, it definitely needs to be a conversation before you're naked before, you know, uh, because not everyone is responsible as they should be. Um, but it is your responsibility to protect yourself and ask those questions.
Yeah, it really goes along with, you know, yeah, we're a same room, full swap, condoms only, a couple. You know what I mean? Like that should be the third part of that conversation so that it's real clear up front. And just because that is a priority to you does not mean it's a priority to someone else.
We'd like for it be right but they might have a different boundary they might have a different you know whatever so what about testing and things like that do clubs require it do you have to show your std test i've never i've never went to a club and they required std tester results again that's a personal um question we always it's not like you walk around with your paper in your back pocket we always have our results on our phone so if someone asks i can pull it up almost immediately and if i ask someone to see their results and they can't pull theirs up or have them on them that's a red fucking flag for me that means i haven't been tested and i'm trying to avoid this question um somebody actually asked i was live yesterday and somebody said that that's the one thing they struggle with how do you ask and for me i think the best way to do it is like if you're in a group chat you know send them yours send them yours yeah hey we just got our updated test back here it is i just wanted to go ahead and get that out there so we can go and get this done you know because when somebody does that you immediately feel like you have to reply with yours or give a you know yeah a response yeah and if they don't respond with theirs you maybe follow it up like hey do you guys you know do you mind sharing you mind sharing yours just so we can all feel comfortable yeah yeah um and we've had cases like where maybe we haven't been tested where we said hey our last test was you know a month and a half ago but we've slept with x y and z and we've only used condoms you know and so like we we have you can have those conversations as well yeah the problem when you get into a club and it's loud and you're drinking and you're dancing um that's when a lot of times that gets fallen to the wayside which we've done it you know it happens uh we're not above that so uh agreed agreed uh okay i think i mean that sums up a lot of the basics of swinging i guess the only other thing i would think to maybe add is why why would you say you do it somebody said it came up to you and said like why are you a swinger like why why do you do this what what would your reason I'm a sexual being that means she's a freak I like enjoying I'm a sexual being.
That means she's a freak. I like enjoying sex. I like exploring different avenues of sex. I like being watched. I like watching.
And me and you doing this together is a way for me to express that part of myself in a safe environment where I feel secure in so for me that's why i do it no i i agree 100 with that and we always say like swinging is like we don't need to be swingers but it's nice it's it's like an it's it's a add-on to our relationship um and i think that's true i think that's true i think you know we've we've had a discussion like could we stop swinging when we want to stop swinging you know and we've i think we've had a whole podcast about that so i don't think we need to get too much into that but it definitely is a an add-on it's an enhancement to our relationship um it's a safe like you said a safe place to explore your sexuality and honestly you know i've listened to some of these um you know a lot of these like monogamous sex podcasts and stuff like that and you know and there's all these people that are trying to get advice on how to like have more sex with their partner or with their spouse and one of the things they always talk about is like being intentional with your sex right like so it's being like hey making it a priority so for us because we're going to events and we're you know like it's always a priority for you know i mean like we're always exploring you know but you get what i'm saying yeah like we're going to get ready to go to trapeze atlanta this weekend i i can feel your sexual energy is peaked just because well we fucked really good last night yeah and then even today you're like i'm horny yeah and it's because i know it's because you're thinking about like oh what are we going to do this weekend was it's going to be dirty it's going to be you know and that's i think that's great i think it it's good for our relationship and you know we travel together we spend time together we go get hotel rooms we go out to eat like it's it's a very positive thing in our relationship and i know people are going to look at that and be like it's so fucking weird you know i mean but it really truly is because you know the rest of the time we're working we're dealing with kids we're dealing with sick family members we're we're dealing with all this life stuff so the lifestyles really are escape for me and you to enjoy each other and to explore and have fun agree uh okay is there anything else you'd like to tell the swing nation listeners but to the people that have questions about swinging about what is this swinging thing is there anything else you'd tell them um i would tell them about our next event after the traffic is we will be in dallas the um 23rd i mean sorry the 24th and the 25th of this January.
So if you are in Texas, we will be at the Klutz there in Dallas. Everybody keeps telling us, come to Texas. We'll guess what. We're coming. So y'all better show up. You better show up and show out. Yeah, that's a huge club. So we can fit a ton of people.
So we need every single one of you to come out and make that a great party we can't we can't wait for that one yeah that's it that's all i got that's all you would tell them is just come out to a party or an event huh well i mean i don't yeah i guess i don't know what else you want me to tell them no i think that's it i think that's it well what i would say you know just to kind of wrap this up oh you're wanting like ending words kind of yeah oh i'm sorry i didn't fall no you're good uh to wrap up you know what is swinging and stuff like that it's whatever you want it to be yeah right there's no blueprint there's no right or wrong answer if you are considering non-monogamy you can engage in that however you want and nobody can make you do more than what you want to do um or do anything you're uncomfortable with you can literally do it however you want to do it and that's perfectly okay we know couples that you know have come to parties for years before they even do anything just because they like the sexy environment so it's whatever you want to make it um and i would you know i know it's scary i know it seems intimidating um but i promise you once you start your journey you're going to realize it's maybe not as scary and intimidating as you think and uh it's actually a lot of fun yeah okay so we hope to see you at an event go to swingerside.net we're in dallas this month we're going to be in miami next month uh then back to secrets we got cruises coming up uh a trip to hito in jamaica y'all really need to come to hito that's gonna be so much fun it's like the end of july i don't know if there's how many rooms are left so if you want to do a hito trip you want to come to us with jamaica honestly you know people reach out to us all the time and they're like hey how do we get to know you you know better and blah um the cruises and you know because it's a week long and it's a small group those are some of the better opportunities if you if you really want to like spend some time with us and get to know us uh those are better opportunities than a weekend at a club where we're working you know yeah so anyway uh we hope to see you swingerside.net has all of our events if you want more information on that.
And then theswingnation.info has all of our information. You can follow us on Facebook and TikTok and Clapper and Instagram. If you want links to the Facebook groups, the Reddit groups, the Discord server, theswingnation.info. Okay, I think with that, in a world full of apples, be the pineapple. Be the pineapple, guys pineapple guys bye if you've enjoyed our podcast and want to support us leave a five-star review wherever you're listening if you want to see more of our content you can find links to snapchat OnlyFans, and more in the show notes.
Come join the conversation with us and other Swinger content creators on our Swinger Society Discord server. If you have questions or feedback, email them to us at theswingnation at gmail.com. Make sure you head on over to theswingnation.net and keep up to date on all things Swing Nation. We thank you so much for joining us, and we'll see you next time. Goodbye.
