Ep. 68: Winding Down?

Transcript

the following podcast contains adult content including adult language i talk openly about sex and other adult topics if you are under the age of 18 or are uncomfortable listening to sexually explicit narratives please listen no further i am not a professional therapist counselor or doctor i'm just an average guy in the swinger lifestyle who likes to share his experiences. This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only.

Please seek a professional if you are in need of guidance or care as it relates to sexual health or alternative lifestyles. Hello again and welcome to Evan Swings, a lifestyle podcast from the Perspective of a Guy in the Lifestyle. I'm that guy. I'm your host, Evan. Welcome to the show. I'm glad to have you here with me today. If you're new around here, let me fill you in a little bit. I am half of a lifestyle couple with my lovely wife, Eva.

we are both in our very late 40s and we've been in the lifestyle for over four and a half years now. We're a full swap couple. We prefer the FWB, the Friends With Benefits dynamic, and we live in the Dayton, Ohio area. And we've thoroughly enjoyed our amazing adventure in the lifestyle. Please remember, as you listen, that my opinion is my opinion. I'm not a lifestyle expert. I don't pretend to be. I'm just an average guy who likes to share his stories with you.

I've listened to a lot of lifestyle podcasts myself, and I've learned so much from them. So I only hope that this podcast is paying it forward. And listeners out there are finding my rantings and ravings about the lifestyle to be informative and entertaining. Quick shout out to my returning listeners. Thank you so much for your support. I honestly, I wouldn't continue doing this if it wasn't for you. So it really means a lot and I truly appreciate it.

All right, enough of the mushy stuff uh on with the show I have a quick programming note to share I usually publish episodes every other week so uh that would mean let's see this one is uh is April 25th 2026 so that means the next episode after this one would be may 9th 2026 well just let you know i might not be dropping a new episode that day and i will explain why towards the end of the episode um next episode will most likely be a week or maybe even two after that.

And again, I will explain later. It actually kind of ties in with the main topic for today's episode. But first, before I get to that, I want to start today by sharing an email I received. Um, I actually received it a while ago and I replied to it and I've been meaning for some time to share it here on, on a podcast episode, but I was holding off to give it the adequate, uh, talking time that I felt it deserves.

And I'll admit, I, I forgot to include it in my, my episode notes, um, the last couple of times. So the last couple of episodes, I admit it, I forgot. So Derek, first of all, thank you for writing. But second of all, I apologize. I wanted to share your question on here sooner and just didn't unintentionally. But anyway, here is what Derek wrote to me. Dear Evan, love the show. Just didn't. Unintentionally. But anyway, here is what Derek wrote to me. Dear Evan, Love the show.

I actually make it a point to listen to it every other weekend when a new episode drops. I have a question for you. My wife and I decided to jump into the lifestyle recently. Our first experience was fun, but it didn't end the way we hoped or expected it to. We met another couple at a house party, and sparks flew. They were new to the lifestyle too. We talked for a bit, then decided to go somewhere more private. When we got to the other room, nobody wanted to make the first move.

We ended up just talking for over an hour, and then the guy's wife asked if we wanted to go back to the kitchen for some drinks. We talked some more, but never went back to the private room. It was a lot of fun, but I wish more happened. How do you break the ice in a situation like that?

Well derek thank you for the email and listeners let me repeat that i already uh responded personally uh to derek's email so i'm just gonna uh kind of tell you what i told him already and and one more reminder i am not an expert okay especially in circumstances like this one i am i am very shy when i am with someone for the first time you know and once the once play begins though i open up very quickly it's it's like i just need a like a, like a that door to open for me.

And then once it's open, I step right in and it's go time. And I'm lucky because Eva is a lot more of a take charge type of person than I am when it comes to initiating play. When she wants Dick, she is more than happy to take the lead and get things rolling. So I understand. I understand the situation here with Derek. And even I, you know, we were there, you know, feeling the same way during the early stages of our lifestyle journey.

I feel almost a little bit hypocritical giving advice on this topic as a shy person myself, you know, as a person who hardly ever makes the first move, but my opinion was requested. So here it is. And I base this answer on one of our first lifestyle experiences ever. It was actually the suggestion of, uh, one of the first ever couples that we played with and it worked out great. Okay. So what I would suggest is instead of making a move on the other couple, make a move on your wife.

Now this, this plan will work a lot better if you are sharing, um, sharing a play space, like, like all four of you are on a bed. Start, uh, you know, with your wife, start caressing her, kissing her, rubbing her, start, you know, uh, making out with her, removing her clothing. Two things should result from that. Number one, the other couple, if they are good to go, they'll start playing with each other as well.

And then number two, everyone might get more comfortable because that means everyone is just playing with the people they are accustomed to playing with. You know, you're just playing with your significant other. Then, while everyone is on the bed together, you'd be surprised how easy it is, how easy it seems at least for hands to start wandering. You know, suddenly you find yourself touching someone else and or someone else is, you know, someone new is touching you.

And then from my experience, it will just naturally transition so that you find yourself playing with each other's partner. And will this work every time? Probably not. You know, I'm sure there are plenty of couples out there who have engaged in this type of plan. And the other couple decides that, you know, they're just into watching or, or just into parallel play. I'm sure that happens a lot, but for the most part, I feel like this strategy would work most of the time. So that's it. That's it.

Start, start playing with your partner first. And in that type of situation. That'll set the mood and allow everyone to get more comfortable with each other. You'll find yourself on a bed right next to another naked body, and your body parts will touch. Maybe first accidentally.

But after a few moments, you'll, like I said said you'll find those hands wandering and that'll just open things up for full play to take place so thanks again Derek and I will admit Derek never emailed me again to let me know if he used the strategy and whether it worked. But if you're listening, I hope it did. And I hope that you enjoyed your next experience. If you ended up having one, of course. All right.

Also, I wanted to quickly respond to another listener who asked for an update about Operation Fogsy.

If you have no idea what I'm'm talking about feel free to go back and check out episode 41 i i opened up to a co-worker an extremely attractive co-worker about uh being in the lifestyle i was seeking advice about an incident that happened i really did want her advice but i admit there was a little bit of an ulterior motive like i said she is very attractive downright hot actually and she was recently divorced and apparently exploring her wild side which i I learned from, you know, I learned through some other coworkers, you know, casual hookups and, and other adventures.

Well, as I explained later, later on in a, in a different episode, I didn't regret opening up to her because I really did want her advice. And I really, and I knew I could trust her. But I do now believe it was silly of me to hope for anything more than that. I was just kind of caught up in the moment, I guess. You know, hook, hooking up with a coworker that, that sounds really hot to me, but it would probably not be the best idea.

Fun at the moment, but the long-term ramifications would have been dangerous, or at least overly awkward. Anyway, the update is, there is no is no update and now it seems like there never will be because um i learned she now has a pretty serious boyfriend all good though because like i said it probably would not have been a good choice professionally speaking and then one more update a few episodes ago i talked about a solo a solo adventure i had with a woman that i Thank you.

professionally speaking. And then one more update. A few episodes ago, I talked about a solo, a solo adventure I had with a woman that I call Judy. It was a fun time and I hoped it would happen again and it still might, but Judy now has a boyfriend in addition to her husband, of course. So finding time to get together with her, especially with her living so far away, is now going to be even more difficult. Things seem to be winding down with her, which ties into the main subject of this episode.

So let's move on to that. The title of this episode, as I just said, is Winding Down. And I hope this doesn't turn into a major downer of an episode, because it's all about winding down our time in the lifestyle, and ultimately, leaving it. When Eva and I first began, we were 44 years old. Okay, so if you're doing the math in your head, I told you we're late 40s now.

Once we really got into it and realized how much we enjoyed it, like being in the lifestyle, we did discuss that there was a shelf life involved here. We knew that we wouldn't be doing it forever. Okay, I mean, I have talked before about how, you know, there are people who have contacted us on the lifestyle sites and the apps who are late 60s. I've even had somebody in their 70s contact me before, and we just don't understand how they're still doing it at that age.

But we thought, you know, we knew we wouldn't be doing it forever, but we thought as long as our bodies allowed it, allowed us to enjoy it, we would continue. We both predicted at that time that we would have our fun and be done with the lifestyle around age 50. But something happened. Something changed. A year or two in, and I'm just estimating here, we no longer felt like we would be stopping around 50.

We met plenty of couples, lots of couples who were active in the lifestyle and in their 50s. And I just said, we no longer felt like stopping. But I guess it would have been more accurate if I said, I no longer felt like we would be stopping around 50. I would say somewhere around ages 46, maybe 47. I thought that I could be going another 10 years, you know, into my mid fifties or late fifties. But unfortunately things change.

And I now have this feeling that our time in the lifestyle may be winding down, not stopping. OK, let's just, you know, make that very clear, not stopping, but just winding down, eventually stopping, but winding down. And there are several factors leading me to believe this.

So factor number one, I'm just going to come right out and say it it's eva let's face it people we all get older okay father time is to this date still undefeated and as we get older our bodies change as well and that's not an opinion. That is a fact. I mean, I have talked many times in several different episodes about how age affects libido for us guys. Again, that's a fact, all right? If that was not a fact, Viagra and Cialis would not exist, right?

And let's face it, it gets more and more difficult to stay in shape as we get older. It gets harder and harder to look younger. Those wrinkles start, they become more and more prominent, and more in quantity, you know, hair gets greater grayer. Uh, in my case, it's no longer exists because I'm bald. Um, your body becomes less toned and you can fight it all you want, but the fact remains that you can't stop it. You know, I know that might sound a little morbid, but it's true.

Okay, you can't stop aging. So as we age, we have a choice. We can let ourselves go, or we can do our best to look and feel our best., exercise, uh, activities to, you know, stimulate, uh, mental acuity. And with all that products, uh, products that we, that we feel help, help us look our best. All right. I mean, like for me, I'll admit it. I dye my beard. Okay. I feel it makes me look younger and better, which makes me feel more confident. I'm not ashamed of it at all.

I freely admit that I do it. Women color their hair. In fact, literally most women I know color their hair so why can't i color my beard you know i see absolutely nothing wrong with it so i freely admit that i do it but all this stuff we we older people do to stay younger look younger feel, it takes time and effort and money. And sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we don't feel like it's enough. So that brings me back to Eva.

She admittedly, she just, she doesn't feel as sexy as, as she felt when we first entered the lifestyle. She often complains about it to me. And rest assured, I 100% disagree. Okay. I, I think she has aged like a fine wine and I tell her she is crazy for thinking that way. But I get it. I understand where she's coming from and why she would feel that way. I mean, in the lifestyle, it's only natural that you would want to look and feel your best. You want to feel like you are sexy and desirable.

And if you don't feel that way about yourself, then you're not going to be very enthusiastic about doing lifestyle stuff. And that's what Eva is experiencing right now. she's she's feeling that father time is stealing too much of her youth. I don't know what you call it. She feels less desirable than she once was. And again, I do my best to support her and give her compliments and, you know, tell her how sexy she is because she is.

But I, for one, know exactly how it feels to be overly self-critical. And I've said several times before on this podcast that I joke around and say that Eva is the bait when it comes to our lifestyle involvement. She's the bait. Okay, she hooks hooks the guys then if the guy wants to get with her well his woman has to be on board with me so she has to be okay with me so if Eva is not putting herself out there to reel the guys in we're not going to have as much success finding other couples.

So with the reduced enthusiasm of Eva, we seem to be doing less events, you know, going out on fewer dates with other couples. We're certainly less active than we were, say, a year ago. Factor number two, the second factor that tells me that things are winding down for us, and it ties into my last factor about age, is overall health. Our bodies are not what they used to be. We have found Mother Nature interfering a lot more lately as we've gotten older.

I had pneumonia twice in the last six months or so. That prevented us from being very active in the lifestyle. We had to cancel a few dates.

In fact, we had to cancel a date coming up next weekend because eva requires some minor oral surgery just very minor but there is a you know a week or two recovery time plus eva has terrible allergies and food sensitivities that seem to have gotten worse over time that prevents her from feeling her best sometimes and when you're not feeling your best you don't really feel like dressing sexy and going off to have sex with other people or visiting a club and dancing and then other stuff with me um again, it is April 2026 as I record this.

And since August of 2025, so eight months, I have ruptured the fascia on my left foot. I've strained the Achilles tendon. I partially tore a calf muscle. I've injured my patella tendon, or I think that's what it's called, patellar tendon, patella tendon. And I continue to suffer from lingering effects from a knee surgery. Plus, I have tennis elbow, hip issues, arthritis, and various other injuries and ailments.

My body is falling falling apart so I'm trying to focus on my health which takes focus away from other things of course if I'm you know if I'm just sitting there on the couch on a Saturday with a strained Achilles tendon I'm not going to feel like going to the club and being on my feet for an hour or so, you know, wanting to dance. I'm not going to look very sexy limping around and wincing all the time.

And it surely isn't going to be a turn-on for another woman to see me grimace and frown in pain while I'm on a bed with her trying to change positions. So the lifestyle just isn't a priority when you're not healthy enough to enjoy it. Now, thankfully, I must say that I've had less pain less pain lately. So I'm hoping that by taking it easy lately, I'm slowly getting back to 100%. But let's face it, 100% for approximately 50 year old man is not the same as 100% for a much younger guy.

And then factor number three, the third factor that leads me to believe that things are winding down for us, lack of options, lack of opportunities. I cannot recall how many times I've mentioned on this podcast, because it has been a lot, but the area where we live is not a hotbed of lifestyle activity. We don't live near a big city with a high population, and therefore more people in the lifestyle, percentage-wise. No, we live in small town, Ohio. The nearest city to us is Dayton.

And Dayton is not very big at all. It honestly, it honestly feels at this point, we have just about exhausted all the possibilities for compatible couples in our area. As I was preparing my notes for this episode, I thought back on our last year in the lifestyle. So since January of 2025, so okay, over a year, we have met one new couple from the Dayton area. Just one. And it's not like we haven't tried. You know, we have profiles on several sites and apps. We're out there. But we have met one.

And just to clarify, I'm counting the greater Dayton area. So like a 30 to 45 minute radius from where we live and we have met one new couple.

There have been a few others who have reached out, but none that Eva and I were interested in, you know, either, either they were, uh, either they were not attractive physically or you know they were looking for a different dynamic whatever it you know it just it wasn't a match admittedly part of the problem is that eva and i are very selective especially i hate to say it when it comes to physical appearance as i mentioned before eva is extremely picky I'll see you next time.

Especially, I hate to say it, when it comes to physical appearance. As I mentioned before, Eva is extremely picky about beards. They can't be even the slightest bit long or bushy, or she is automatically out. And do you know how many damn guys out there have beards? A lot.

Plus, she doesn't care for a particular hair color and of course i i have a type as well all right i hate to say this but i don't find women with really short hairstyles attractive so i have that um i prefer women who are not too heavy and not too thin. What else? We will not meet a couple who smoke. We're not interested in meeting people who have a certain, who have certain preferences that I'll just, I won't I won't need, I don't think I need to specify. Okay.

The point is we're very selective. All right. Plus there's our, our, uh, dynamic. Eva and I, as I said, we prefer a friends with benefits dynamic. Let's hang out outside the bedroom, enjoy each other's company before heading to the bedroom. Because of that, our options tend to be very limited. You know, if we just like to meet people and fuck them, I wouldn't be telling you about our lack of options right now because there are plenty of those options available.

You know, if we wanted to seek them out in Columbus or Cincinnati, you know, we could easily show up at a club, find someone who wanted to play with us that night, and then that's it, play. And that happened on Halloween. You know, we met a couple of the club. They wanted to play. But that's just not us. And because that's not us, we feel we have exhausted the supply, so to speak, of possible friends with benefits in our area.

So it kind of feels like a, you know, a been there, done that type of situation. We've met all the lifestyle friends we could, you know, a been there, done that type of situation. We've met all the lifestyle friends we could, you know, all that we could have in our area. And now there's no more. Expanding outside of our radius, that's certainly a possibility. But we're not enthusiastic about doing that.

You know, that just, that just turns into more long drives, which results in difficulty planning get togethers, you know, planning dates. It's much easier to plan a date with a couple who lives 20 minutes away than a couple who lives an hour and 20 minutes away. There's a big difference. So right now, Eva and I have our two or three FWB type couples that we can, you know, happily get together with occasionally.

I think it's, I think it's two, two of the, you know, we have two, two couples and we're thankful to have those couples in our social lives we really are but they all live a minimum of 45 minutes away and that's not horrible that's not horrible at all don't get me wrong but we don't have any closer local lifestyle friends and and haven't had any luck meeting new ones who were even 45 minutes away. So that's why I feel like our time in the lifestyle may be winding down.

Will new local couples pop up? Absolutely. And we still may have new opportunities arise. But it's certainly not like it's not like it was in our first few years in the lifestyle. You know, I remember having to turn down couples simply because we had too many options and Eva was feeling overwhelmed.

Now, now it just seems like our lifestyle enthusiasm level has decreased significantly I hate to say it and I contend if we had more opportunities if we stayed healthy and felt better about ourselves then it might not feel like things are winding down for us but that's what's going on here those three factors are making me feel that way so that's kind of why as I mentioned at the beginning there's going to be a short I'll see you next time. on here.

Those three factors are making me feel that way. So that's kind of why, as I mentioned at the beginning, there's going to be a short Evan swings break possibly. Okay. I just, I don't have a whole lot to say right now with our decreased activity. I need to kind of recharge and hopefully, hopefully have some new experiences to discuss. I mean, I, I, I say, I say that, but I will admit I received a very interesting email from a listener about a week ago that I do want to discuss.

So I do have, you know, another topic on my mind to share. But like I said, I do feel like I might need to recharge. So if that happens, there might not be a new episode in two weeks. You might have to wait till May. Oh, I got, I forget the dates now, May 9th or May 16th, something like that.

So, but you know if something podcast worthy happens before then I will certainly post sooner okay so hope hopefully you'll be back and hopefully I'll be back sooner than I think thank you so much for listening today I would love to hear from you especially if you are going through something similar to Eva and myself I'm curious about your thoughts and your feelings about that but of course all questions and comments are welcome you can find the Evan Swings page on Blue Sky by searching for Evan Swings you can look for my profile on SLS or Swing.com by searching for the username Evan Swings all one word.

I'm on Instagram in blue sky under the name evandenson, E-V-A-N-D-E-A-N-S-O-N, or you can always send me an email at evandenson at gmail.com. I love hearing from listeners and always try to respond in a prompt manner when I can. Until next time, which again, maybe three to four weeks instead of two, maybe. Remember, be safe, be adventurous, and always live life to the fullest. We'll see you next time.