Ep. 42: FWB Downfalls

Transcript

the following podcast contains adult content including adult language i talk openly about sex and other adult topics if you are under the age of 18 or are uncomfortable listening to sexually explicit narratives please listen no further i am not a professional therapist counselor or doctor i'm just an average guy in the swinger lifestyle who likes to share his experiences. This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. Please seek a professional if you are in need of guidance or care as it relates to sexual health or alternative lifestyles.

Hi everyone and welcome to Evan Swings, a podcast about the swinger lifestyle from the perspective of a guy in the lifestyle. That would be me. I'm your host, Evan, and I thank you for joining me today. For those of you who are tuning in for the first time, I'm half of a lifestyle couple. The other half is my wife, Eva, and we have been in the lifestyle for three and a half years now and loving it most of the time. That's kind of what this episode is about, but I'll get to that. I want to say thank you to anyone who is a returning listener. Thank you so much. I'm to have you here.

And I really appreciate your support. I have received a lot of kind comments lately. So I wanted to say thank you to those who sent them. You know who you are. Oh, and one final comment for anyone new to the show. If you are interested in learning about how Eva and I got into the lifestyle and hearing about some of our first adventures, please feel free to check out my earliest episodes. Again, if you're new, I'm not an expert here, and I think it shows where I'm sitting right now. I'm sitting in my home office, and there's a lot of dog activity going on right now.

So I don't know if that's coming through the microphone, but I'm not in a professional studio here, okay? I'm just in a home office. The weather is warming up, so there's dogs barking like crazy outside right now. My dogs are sitting by me. One of them keeps scratching and shaking, so that may come through the mic, and if it does, I apologize. But I hope it reinforces the fact that I am indeed just the normal, average, everyday guy in the lifestyle. Now, before I get into the meat and potatoes of this episode, I wanted to share an interesting update. At least, I feel it is interesting.

Oftentimes during my shows, I will mention something like, if anything else happens with a situation or story, I will keep you updated. And that's what I'm going to do right now. I really can't remember which episode it was. I think it was part two of my interesting and infuriating interactions episodes where I talked about a particular woman who reached out to me on SLS and was super nice until she wasn't. She only had pics of herself on her profile, none of her husband or boyfriend or whoever he was. She claimed it was for discretion due to his job.

Eva and I were not eager to take a chance that he was going to be attractive. I mean, we usually never do. You got to have some face pics for us so we can see what you look like. It didn't appear we were a match, but they were from the Dayton area and those couples are few and far in between. And she was super attractive. So we said we would meet them for dinner if they wanted to do so. But she wanted to talk to Eva. She wanted Eva to chat in a group chat along with her and her boyfriend or husband. Well, Eva doesn't do that. She doesn't do that until we have met a couple in person.

And we do that for various reasons. I explain this and she suddenly flew off the handle. And now I am exaggerating just a little bit. I mean, flying off the handle. I mean, she didn't get violent. She didn't curse me out or anything. But you could tell she was agitated. She accused Eva of being fake and me being dishonest. Like, she accused me of being on that site without Eva knowing about it. And I was pissed. I don't like being called dishonest.

I even gave her Eva's kick name and told her to reach out to her if she wanted to talk to her as proof, just, just to prove that I wasn't lying, which she didn't, which is good because Eva would have probably ripped her a new one. But I also said that we were obviously not a match. She made some other snotty comment, but I can't remember what that was at this point. And that was the end of it. No further messages were exchanged, and then many months later, her profile, or their profile, popped up on another site we use. I saw it, and I immediately blocked her, and I told Eva about it.

Eva actually suggested that I unblock her, so that she could see all the awesome pics we post, proving she exists, and, you know, kind of showing her what she was missing. I agreed, and I unblocked them. Within 24 hours, she reached out to us. Excuse me.

She obviously didn't recognize us from our our first interaction she introduced herself and her man i replied that we had chatted before on a previous site and reminded her all politely that we were not a match but i also wanted to i also wanted to stick it to her just just a little bit so I had Eva write a message on her iPad just like typed it on her iPad it said hello and it said their profile name then we took a selfie with it so we had this message on her iPad this hello and then their profile name. Then we took a selfie with it.

So we had this message on her iPad, this hello, and then their profile name. And it was displayed on her iPad with us. This was so she knew from our previous conversation now that Eva was real. And in fact, I was not a liar. She seemed to remember at that point because I also reminded her that she got upset with us about the way we handle our lifestyle business. She said she never got upset ever. So I sent her some screenshots of her kind of going off on me. And she laughed it off and said she wasn't upset. Which, bullshit, if you ask me.

But again, I reiterated that we were not a match, and that was the of it or so I thought that's where I left off with my previous episode regarding that situation months later February 2025 she contacted me again on SLS and that's where she had reached out to us the first time and she was introducing herself again so this is the third time she has contacted us and introduced herself. Apparently once again not remembering we had already chat twice before.

I was polite explained that we had chat several times and just you know i just carried on a conversation just polite conversation i figured it wouldn't hurt dating couples okay dating ohio couples are damn hard to find. And she was very sexy looking. But of course, things went sour again. I told her that we hope to run into them sometime, you know, because, you know, we weren't a match other ways.

Because, you know, Eva's not going to chat with you unless, you know, weren't a match other ways you know i eva's not gonna chat with it's not gonna chat with you unless you know we have met you in person and you don't want to meet us in person because we're not chatting with eva's not chatting and we don't want to meet with you because you're not showing us what he looks like so we're just not a. But I thought it would be cool if we ran into each other. That would solve all our problems, I thought. She asked how we could possibly run into each other.

And I have to admit, I was getting a little annoyed at this point. She was starting to rub me the wrong way. So I just wrote back a few words. I put, at a club or event. She responded, and this is kind of paraphrasing here, sorry, we do not talk to other couples at clubs or events unless we first chat with them online. And that, I assume, was a dig at Eva for not chatting. Because, I mean, her and I were certainly currently chatting at that moment. But then and there, I was completely done with this woman. I mean, she reached out to me. Again, a third time.

So I decided to just respond with three words. I put, okay, no worries. Done. She responded with a long paragraph. Kind of, again, going off on me, for lack of a better term, about, why do I, Evan, even bother getting on here? What's the point of me being on lifestyle sites? Why do I waste people's times? I really can't remember what it said exactly because I don't even think I made it through the whole paragraph. I was done and I just blocked her right there. And then I also went to the other site where she contacted me and blocked her there too. Just insane.

I mean, I, I'm not, I'm not going to waste my time on that anymore. I wanted to respond and say something like, look, just because the way we go about our lifestyle business is different than the way you go about yours doesn't make our way the wrong way and your way the right way and i don't have to explain myself you know i don't have to i don't i didn't feel obligated like i had to give reasons and and defend myself just accept it and walk away we We're not a match. We've already been through this twice before. This was the third time.

So just blocked her there, blocked her on the other site. That's my big takeaway from this that I would like to say to you listeners, especially if any of you are currently early in your lifestyle journey, respect others, okay? Respect the way they handle their lifestyle business. Just because it is different than yours doesn't make it wrong. And you're not going to be a match for everyone. And when you're not, graciously accept it and walk away. Don't go off on them like this woman did and insinuate that you are going about things the wrong way and what they're doing is the right way.

Everyone is different. Couples will have different beliefs, different rules, different desires, you know, than other people, other people in the lifestyle. For instance, Eva and I, you know, we're a, we're a full swap couple. If we chat with someone and discover they are soft swap only. Okay. This is not a match. No big deal. We go our separate ways and we do it amicably. We're not going to sit there and tell you why you were wrong for doing soft swap, soft swap only, and that you should be doing full swaps. No, that's not how it works, people. Respect the preferences of others.

It's very simple. Okay, rant over. That was my update. Now that I got my blood boiling a little bit. Now we can move on to the topic of this episode. Friends with Benefits, FWB. Specifically, I would like to talk about one of the major downfalls of being in a Friends with Bene benefits type of situation. Eva and I, we happen to love the FWB dynamic. We are very much social swingers. We are not the types to meet someone at a club for the first time and then go fuck them an hour or two later. No, no, we are, we're very much into the social part of it.

We are not looking for, as I've said before, uh, notches on our bedpost. It's a common expression I've, I've run into in the lifestyle. We're looking for friends, friends we can hang out with outside the bedroom as well as inside it. We like to go out to dinner, play games, have some laughs, enjoy each other's personalities before enjoying each other's bodies. that is what makes our situation in the Dayton, Ohio area so difficult. Because we want friends with benefits, we prefer local couples, couples that are nearby to us. And there are not many options in the greater Dayton area.

I mean, there's, there's options, but you know, only a certain number of those are matches. Only a certain number of those are, uh, attractive to us or we're attractive to them. I've, I've said it many times before, okay, the population of Dayton is just not high enough for there to statistically be a large amount of lifestyle couples. And the ones that are, well, not all of them are searching for a friends with benefits type situation like we are. It has been very hard, to be honest. However, we have managed to make some very good friends with benefits during our time in the lifestyle.

And the fact that I use the words very good that's significant all right i'm not talking about casual acquaintances here i'm talking about actual friends people that we have grown to trust and and care about and that right there is the downfall so let let me let me explain So, let me explain. Eva and I, I'm just gonna say, I'm just gonna say it here. We had it made for a while. All right. About a year ago, we had some great friends with benefits in the Dayton area. A few couples that we could spend time with, again, inside and outside of the bedroom. And it was fun. We did dinners.

We did game nights. We did escape rooms. Just fun stuff. We genuinely appreciated each other's company. But currently, none of those three couples, there's three that kind of come to mind, none of those three dating couples I'm referring to factor into our lifestyle plans right now. One of those couples is taking an indefinite break due to a medical situation. And we totally get that. We totally understand that. We still talk with them. We still plan to hang out with them because we're friends and we care about them. We enjoy their company.

We enjoy being with them inside and outside of the bedroom. But let me talk about the other two couples. One couple we, of course, got very close with. We really, really like this couple. Plus, they live close to us. Very close to us, actually. It was quite convenient. We didn't have to drive far to see them. Unlike the many other couples who we have met who live in Cincinnati or Columbus or elsewhere. I'm not going to lie. It was a pretty sweet situation. Well, as with the previous couple that I just mentioned, there was a medical issue.

I know it kind of seems like a trend, but there was a medical issue that came up that prevented us from playing together. They were also taking, due to this, an indefinite break from the lifestyle. Now, I will admit I was pretty damn bummed about it because the sex was absolutely incredible. She was absolutely incredible. But, and that is a big but, that was okay. Because we valued them as friends. We thought, Eva and I, we thought we had become fairly close friends.

We had a lot of similar personal and professional interests eva loved chatting with both of him with both of him with both of them him and his wife i enjoy i enjoyed chatting with both her and her husband they were a lot of fun and not to corny, but we started caring about them. You know, they became our good friends. We were concerned with the medical situation they faced. We offered to help wherever needed.

We made them a nice meal and delivered it so they didn't have to worry about that and expressed interest in seeing them again when they were ready and when I say expressed interest in seeing them I don't mean in the bedroom okay that was 100% an afterthought these people were our friends now we enjoyed their company they they suggested that they were or they might be out of the lifestyle for good. And Eva and I were fine with that. Again, we enjoyed them. We enjoyed being with them. We enjoyed their company. They were fun people. They are fun people. He especially was hilarious.

Back in August or September 2024, I can't remember exactly. That's when this medical incident, this medical situation came up. We kept in touch in October, sending a couple of messages back and forth and i even saw the husband at at some point at the grocery store and we talked for a bit we decided you know the the two of us should definitely hang out sometime and do like a a guy's night you know hang out have some drinks play some darts hang out then right after that the messages suddenly Thank you. hang out, have some drinks, play some darts, hang out.

Then, right after that, the messages suddenly stopped coming. I sent them messages asking how they were doing. I sent them a happy Thanksgiving message. Nothing. I sent them a Merry Christmas message. Nothing. We were ghosted. Completely ghosted. It's probably going to come across as mushy here, okay? But I'm going to say it anyways. I was a bit hurt. I thought these people were our friends. I guess Eva and I, we felt a little differently than what they did. Okay, because we got ghosted. And Eva's reaction was different than mine as well.

She was more like, that's really annoying, but oh well oh well life goes on and I guess I can say that too but I can't help but feel I'm just gonna say hurt again because I can't think of any other word hurt because the couple I assumed were our friends and liked us for who we were outside the bedroom decided we weren't important enough to them to respond to a message or even after all the good times we had just to simply text us and say look we had some things come up and we think it would be better if we don't see you guys anymore. That would have sucked too.

But at least there would have been some closure. Right now, I'm just left wondering what happened. I mean, first and foremost, are they okay? Like I said, they became our friends. And we care about our friends. I want to make sure something bad didn't happen. I mean, heck, they could have died in a fiery boat crash, for all we know. But we got nothing. Eva and I have actually wondered if one of the reasons they have not reached out to us is because it has been so long. Maybe they feel awkward or uncomfortable at this point because so much time has passed.

I mean, I've felt the same way because, I mean, I know if that's the case, I know what they they're feeling like because I was talking to a couple in August when I had um I had knee surgery back in August and things got really busy and we lost touch and I feel I feel kind of weird about reaching back out to them now and being like hey remember, remember me? It's almost like too much time has passed. So I get it. Now, this particular couple that I'm talking about has actually listened to this podcast. So they may hear this. So I'm just going to say it.

If you're if you are listening to this, Eva and I are definitely still interested. Vanilla or spicy. Please contact us. We'd love to hear from you and hear how you're doing. And that brings me to the second couple. Also good friends of ours. We have shared some awesome times inside and outside of the bedroom. I have mentioned them prominently in a couple of podcast episodes, but I don't want to say which. I don't want to acknowledge that. I kind of want to protect their anonymity a little bit, just in case they ever hear this. I doubt they will, but just in case.

They don't know about this podcast, but you never know. Anyway, like I said, we have shared some awesome times with this couple. We've gone to the club together. We've gone to a different club together. They took us to a club we had never been to before. We've been to their home. We've hung out with them at a hotel takeover. We've done fun things with them outside of the bedroom. You know, we've gone places. I considered him, the dude of the couple, I considered him a lifestyle confidant.

He and I would bounce questions off each other, ask each other for advice, you know, all about lifestyle stuff, and even non-lifestyle stuff. Then, one day, the messages just stopped. Although I had their actual phone number, we communicated communicated primarily on kick. And that's just kind of the way we handle things. We try to keep our personal life and lifestyle life separate.

So our lifestyle interactions are usually done through kick or telegram or something like that but on uh with certain couples that we've gotten to know really well we do exchange our actual phone numbers and then that helps when uh you got when you schedule an event or schedule a get-together it's easier to communicate that way because the notifications pop up right away on your phone uh you don't have to worry about checking an app. So we had each other's numbers. Okay.

But anyway, like I said, we communicated mostly through Kik and I sent him a couple of different messages over, I don't know, a period of maybe a month, maybe.

response whatsoever and this was very unlike him like i noticed he wasn't even checking his messages like the messages weren't even read and we were not receiving any messages on our group chat either because we also had a group chat with him and his wife finally I decided you know screw it I texted him on his actual his actual phone number and this was around the holidays just this you know a few months ago a few months prior to this recording so here's my message I hope this is not crossing a line by texting you, but you haven't been on kick in ages, and since we consider you friends outside of the lifestyle, we wanted to check and make sure everything is okay and tell you happy holidays.

Hope all is well and that you had a great Christmas and New Year's. He responded, not at all. Hope you've had a great break as well. We have decided to leave the lifestyle. It was fun while it lasted, but we think we need to take some time and focus on just us. Wish you both nothing but the best. I wrote back, gotcha. Well, that is sad news, but we completely understand. Break has been great. Wish you the best as well. My response was polite, but I was actually annoyed. It didn't seem like his message was written as a friend to another friend. Maybe a fuck buddy to another fuck buddy.

Maybe a casual acquaintance, but not from a friend to a friend. It was like, wish you the best, have a nice life. And actually, the message itself didn't bother me as much as the fact that they had no intention of telling us they were leaving the lifestyle. Or that they didn't want to see us anymore, even outside the lifestyle. That was my dog walking away, if you heard the clickety-clack there. We would have expected fairly good friends of ours to let us know. I mean, we had just seen them a little over a month prior and all was great.

Had we been in their shoes, we would have shot us a text that said something like, Hey guys, just want to let you know we've decided to leave the lifestyle. Basically what he did say after I, after I contacted him and then maybe we'd still love to grab dinner sometime. If you're ever in the area, maybe catch up, you know, something like that, but nothing. I kind of felt like, like we were just another random couple instead of what I thought were good lifestyle friends of ours. I just expected more.

When you were actually friends with someone, I mean, think about the friends in your life, lifestyle or not. They are a part of your life. Friendships end. I understand that as well. But without a falling out or a significant event that seems to change feelings involved, there should have been some form of communication, maybe a text, you know, a polite, just so you know, text. But we got nothing and haven't heard from them since. Some of you out there listening may be thinking, man, this guy's a loony. Meaning me. He gets so attached that he needs a goodbye message? No.

No, I really don't need that. I'm just saying, if you are truly friends with someone, it is kind of a polite thing to do rather than just ghost them. Because now I think, were we really friends? Or did they just put up with us because we were good in the bedroom? I guess that's kind of a compliment, I guess, but I guess that's something we will never know for sure. But that's my, that is what I would say is the biggest downfall of the way that Eva and I approach the lifestyle.

Whether it's appropriate or warranted or not there is some form of attachment that's what happens with friends right I mean you enjoy each other's company you get attached you you want to be with them you you care about them and when a friendship ends abruptly without any warning it kind of sucks and it really does and that is all for today my friends thank you for listening i would absolutely love to hear your comments on this one. Am I off on this? Is this, am I putting too much stock into this? Am I overthinking this whole thing?

I mean, I understand in the lifestyle, you really don't owe anybody anything. People can leave the lifestyle at any moment and that is their prerogative and they have every right to do it. I understand that and agree with it. Thank you. People can leave the lifestyle at any moment, and that is their prerogative, and they have every right to do it. I understand that and agree with it. But if you think to your vanilla life, if you're friends with somebody, good friends with somebody, would you ever just ghost them? I would say no.

if you were really truly friends with somebody really truly good friends with somebody you would never think of just ghosting them and never talking to them again. If something came up where you didn't want to see them or talk to them ever again, I assume you would let them know. Like, I'm trying to think if I was ever in that situation, I would probably let them know if a friend did something to piss me off and I didn't want to talk to those friends anymore. I would, I would let them know, Hey, do me a favor. Don't text me anymore. But no, none of that happened here. Just ghosting.

So again, I would love to hear your comments on this one. Please feel free to send them my way via Gmail, evandeanson at gmail.com. That's E-V-A-N-D-E-A-N-S-O-N at gmail.com. You can also find me at Instagram at Evan Deenson or connect with me via my Blue Sky page. To find that, just search for Evan Swings on Blue Sky and my page will pop right up for you. Send me your thoughts on this episode or any other lifestyle matters you may have in mind, I am happy to offer my insight or happy to also get Eva to share hers with you.

She would love to join me as a co-host on another episode, so feel free to send questions for her as well. Or of course, any comments suggestions or, or questions about this podcast or where I should take this podcast. Suggestions for future topics, that sort of thing. I would be happy to address them in a future episode. It has been a pleasure sharing our adventures with you today. Until next time, be safe, be naughty, and take care.