Ghosting

We used to attend what was refererred to as a Nooner party. It was a hotel room party that started at 4 pm and usually had intense play till around 6 pm or so. There were times where we went from a Nooner party to a different evening party.

While we'll still find ourselves up and about at 1 am at LS parties, we usually now need to get in an afternoon nap to enable that. The thing that made me think about this was P&Bs comment about being overly optimistic. It's not that we aren't still optimistic. It's just tempered by a dose of reality now ;-)

My wife had several experiences where the bi woman in the couple and she were having private texts to establish an interest to meet in person. They would schedule a time and date and then POOF. Gone before the meeting could actually happen. I am beginning to believe it was actually a guy in each circumstance.

Too many irons in the fire means you've scheduled too many meetings too close together or too close to other obligations - you are unrealistically optimistic about what you can accomplish. Setting up multiple meetings for the same date/time and then picking the best & ghosting the others is dishonest.

Another reason could be too many irons in the fire. I can see some people setting up multiple plans for the same day/time and just picking the one they feel is best. They can't very well say at the last minute that they're pursuing a better offer, so they ghost/block.

This could explain having what seemed like a great conversation and then they just "go away", particularly when it comes time to meet. Just one of many possibilities and again, anyone ghosting you for any reason is just not worth losing sleep over.

It does suck though when you could have made other plans and someone pulls a last minute ghosting. Yet another reason we prefer parties over meeting just a couple, and I'm seeing a few people here that have basically given up on the idea of trying to meet people from online interactions.

Them being cheaters is a grand assumption. I am not going to say people cheating doesn’t exist or that one half of a couple acts without the others awareness, because it happens. But there are many other plausible explanations, such as they lost interest (either from talking or not feeling a attraction after seeing private pics), found a better match elsewhere, or were simply pic collecting.

There can be many reasons, but a more likely one is that the person was cheating, or in the event of a couple, one didn't know what the other was doing. If ghosted just before a planned meeting time, perhaps the window of opportunity closed on their cheating time and they just didn't want to bother making excuses, so just blocked you. Some may get a rush to see just how far they can push this and never had any intention of meeting.

In any event, it's no use in losing any sleep over it. If it was a cheater, there's a good chance they'd have blocked you after an encounter and they would have gotten away with cheating and used you to do that. There are worse things than being ghosted.

“ I think a lot of the initial contacts are people just carpet bombing profiles with Messages without knowing who they’re contacting. Then when they get a reply, they look and realize it’s someone they’re not interested in.”

I thought that too, but his last message to me was to say that he’d read my profile, and wanted to talk to me more.

We've been in the lifestyle for more than 20 years.

Getting ghosted once in a while is not exactly a recent development. It's always happened.

Well we recently had a guy we connected with and chatted daily for about 2 weeks till we could arrange a mutual day to meet. First time he had to cancel because of a sick kid. Hey we get it. Following week all set up to meet on a Thursday. He normally responses to my morning good morning. Well that day nothing. Never heard from him since. WTF is wrong with people that do that crap?

I think a lot of the initial contacts are people just carpet bombing profiles with Messages without knowing who they’re contacting. Then when they get a reply, they look and realize it’s someone their not interested in.

I had a guy message me, and in the last few weeks, I’ve gotten two very brief responses. I’ve decided to keep responding to him until he either responds or blocks me. Because I’m 12 and I have time on my hands.

Yeah This is a Big Issue you can im , Chat and Even exchange Numbers and the Boom Ghosted

While this doeesn't always hold true, it does at least make one leary that these very short exchanges online would be similarly painful in person. One would think that's common sense but......

A few years back, I'd get those one-two word intros, mostly from SFs, but couples who were interested would actually write a decent intro message. I'd respond to the SFs and either get no response or more often, some variation of "I don't know what I want." So basically, the scenario was SF says Hi to sorillo, now expects sorillo to put in all of the effort. Uhhh, no. It takes two (or more) to have a conversation.

I've also noticed that the younger crowd tends to be more incapable of having a simple conversation online. Of course, that's partly the curmudgeon in me, wanting to swat the young whippersnappers with my cane and croaking about how things were hard when I was their age... ;) To be fair though, I've had people around my age contact me, and even THEY can't seem to communicate either. Drives me nuts.

We recently were contacted by a couple. They gave three greeting in a row. When asked if they want to chat beyond greetings they said “yes.” I told them that this was painful and best of luck. They said it was painful too and blamed the chat. I replied that three greeting and a total of 6 words over 4 messages is not that chat, it’s them. Then told them to simply own they botched the intro. They disagreed and blocked us lol. What’s really odd is this was from a profile with 93 certs.

Not only ghosting. I’ve gotten one word replies as well. And this will carry on for many back and forth texts. I usually give up after a few one word responses.

Froze his interest off.

ionsawmill = "I replied that I was fine, and then I asked about whether he made it through the recent cold weather ok. Crickets. Nothing for days."

Maybe he didn't survive the cold ;-)

I got a message from a local guy a few days ago. He said “ How are you this morning?”

I replied that I was fine, and then I asked about whether he made it through the recent cold weather ok.

Crickets. Nothing for days.

Last Saturday not only did I get ghosted it was a freaking man to pretended to be a couple if I were rotten person I would post this piece of trash phone number I came very close to doing it I can't stand people like that that's why I have a thing once you lie to me I don't want anything to do with you

Based on comments here from others, we started putting a similar effort into replies as went into the original message to us.

We’ve also been “ghosted” by one particular local couple who opened every one of their galleries to us. We noticed, sent an intro message, and did not receive a reply. The galleries are still open, they continue to look at our profile, and still no communication. We’re not disappointed, we just find it odd.

As for a newer trend of “ghosting”, it’s not just happening here. Over the years, I have had to interview to replace staff and the number of people who schedule, confirm, and then no-show without a call or e-mail is also worse.

<p>mayhem8,</p>

<p>I'm generalizing based on what I have seen. I would say that people getting ghosted a lot could improve their chances with better responses. Meeting on a site like this is a form of marketing. In marketing it is called a "call to action". If interested, don't just be polite and introduce yourself. Introduce yourself and go ahead and try to setup a meeting.</p>

<p>You also have to remember that some people are using the brute force method. The site definitely does not encourge this, but some people will send out 100 short messages and then see who responds and pick from those. If you are really interested in meeting that person, you are competing with 100 other people and the best response "wins".</p>

"But that's because I'm basically not interested in 99.9% of the people who contact me."

Same. Same.

FWIW - I didn't read where the OP was doing minimal messages. It was the one/s responding to him. They'd respond 2 weeks later with a “Hey, how’s it going?”, then he'd reply and get nothing back.

The initial 2 week response time sounds like someone that is rarely online, for whatever reason. I thought you could see when someone was last online, but not seeing it for SLS. The data is there because it is part of the SLS Search criteria.

I basically don't want to continue a conversation with someone who does the polite, trite "How are you?" thing. So, I either don't answer or do the same kind of low effort in the response. I also am clear in my profile that I might not respond to those sorts of overtures, so they've been warned.

But that's because I'm basically not interested in 99.9% of the people who contact me.

If you have a different aim, like, say, to meet more new people, then you have to do more. So, instead of of responding "fine," it needs to be something along the lines of "I'm great and hope you are too. When I read your profile I noticed xyz in your profile. And then ask a question." Or some other way to forward the conversation past low effort platitudes that almost guarantee the conversation will stop.

Also, yes, based on anecdotal reports, ghosting is getting worse.