Please review

OP: I do like your profile (it shows a really fun, sexy, engaging couple), but I would make a couple of changes:

In descriptions: remove “What you can't see on public photos is properly sized”, and take out the final paragraph (describing how you show up on time, well showered, etc)- many would view this as negative, since it’s a passive way of telling people they should behave the same.

In Fantasies, you should both list as bi-curious, since you make it clear that you are BOTH open to exploring with the same sex. Many would see this omission as not being honest for the man.

Other than that, all looks good to me! :)

Good luck and have fun!
~Kira

I'm reminded of Elmore Leonard's 10 rules for writing, #10 is "Try to leave out the part that readers tend to skip." But most importantly, he summarized all ten rules as "If it sounds like writing, I rewrite it."

So in that spirit, I'd say that if a part of your profile doesn't say something profound or important about you, it can probably be lopped off.

On the other hand, my own profile breaks several of those rules, but I KNOW that it breaks them, and I'm willing to accept the consequences, because it amuses me. :)

Coming back for some advice...
I think our profile should be shorter. it's too long, and maybe too meandering.
Asking for editing help - what looks extraneous to you? Which parts did you like, and which parts would you cut?

Thanks!

@mayhem - yes, I do enjoy writing. Definitely like a good turn of the phrase, and have been known to read entire books with no discernible plot because they were written so well (pretty much describes Salman Rushdie's entire body of work).

We are new to this site , and I'm absolutely having fun with this. It's a solitary fun for now because as a ploy to attract playmates, it misses the mark, but that's OK. Is there Dan Kennedy book on how to write effective swinger site copy? :)

Anyway, I was in the pensive mood this morning, and decided to switch it up again.

The previous version, if anyone cares :)
_______________

Looking For:

We love our play at lifestyle resorts.

One night, you may find us in the jacuzzi bed, with our playmates de nuit - kissing, sucking, licking, fingering, fucking.
Whose hand was that? Who cares, it felt good, do it again - wife wildy riding the other husband's cock while his wife is convulsing in ecstasy, crushing the head between her legs, until all four are spent and can't move, their faces in each other's laps where they stopped from exhaustion, the passed time just a blur of body parts.

Another, it may be a gentle, sensuous evening, with six hands caressing one body, in turns, pleasure building up and coming over in waves for all four in a row.

Or a kinky, dirty, freaky night, finger in your ass, can I spank you now, boundaries melt away as we discover amazing pleasure in things never considered.

Description:

Others seem to see us very sexually attractive as we never fuck alone at group events unless we choose to.
And sometimes we choose to, because all the lust and depravity around you only heightens the pure, untainted connection to someone you love.

All we need to have the same play here - if you are a clean, deviant, upscale, perverted, curious, twisted couple, in love so madly nothing excites you more than to see your partner pleasured, no matter by whom - then all we need is you.

Fantasies and / or real experiences:

When you meet us in a bar, we are the elegant, well-dressed couple in the dark corner, she with her Sancerre, he a hearty red.
We are down to earth and not shy, and minutes after meeting you we will all laugh so much the neighboring tables will look at us sternly, how boring their vanilla life must be!

Quickly our conversation turns to things you can't talk about with anyone else, and we share more and more - our intimate details, your wild experiences, and even a war story or two, as all four get more excited with every glass of wine and can't wait to tear clothes off each other - if not the other couple then your partner when you get home.

Additional comments and things to do, see, hear or learn about:

We come ready to play.
We don't for look reasons to fuck you, we hope you won't give us reasons to not.
We all know what we are here for.
Let's light up the night.

thank you. that part looked oK to me too but I added a blank line anyway in case it renders differently on different screens

That part is fine in both places. Fantasies not so much.

@GGM- on my screen it looks well formatted... see below.. does it look different on yours?

We love our play at lifestyle resorts.

One night, you may find us in the jacuzzi bed, with our playmates de nuit - kissing, sucking, licking, fingering, fucking.
Whose hand was that? Who cares, it felt good, do it again - wife wildy riding the other husband's cock while his wife is convulsing in ecstasy, crushing the head between her legs, until all four are spent and can't move, their faces in each other's laps where they stopped from exhaustion, the passed time just a blur of body parts.

Another, it may be a gentle, sensuous evening, with six hands caressing one body, in turns, pleasure building up and coming over in waves for all four in a row.

Or a kinky, dirty, freaky night, finger in your ass, can I spank you now, boundaries melt away as we discover amazing pleasure in things never considered.

It is an interesting experiment and I'd be curious to know how it goes.

This is something I can only evaluate from a personal standpoint and I'm torn. As written, your profile doesn't attract me at all (he doesn't make the decisions about people on line), but I'm pretty sure in person we would be intrigued. What I can't quite get to is the precise reason for the divide.

The closest I can get is that your profile reads as performative and that's offputting for me at the remove engendered by the extended negotiations of on line meetings. At a club or party or even at a restaurant, many highly social people are performative as a matter of course and it's charming even on first meeting.

So maybe it's just context, something I'm really sensitive to. That could be a minority view.

Anyway, what you have is well written and just needs more blank lines between your paragraphs.

@OP: Looks like one (or both) of you enjoy writing ;-) I think the first version better answers the basic questions posed by the headings (Looking For, Description, etc.). They are both good and fun reads.

As you know, there are no perfect words but it's clear that you have fun with the process which implies you will have and be fun with many other things.

Thank you all for your suggestions.

Out of curiosity, we decided to change the focus of our profile.
From "we are a fun couple, meet us and maybe we can click" to ... something else.

Might be an interesting experiment.

For those who care, this was our previous profile.

____________________________________________

Looking For:

We are looking for flirty, freaky, we-will-show-you-ours-if you-show-us-yours couples (and we will show you ours!) - for fun evenings and crazy nights.

Let's split a drink, share a laugh, swap a few stories and see if we click.

If we do, let's make each other's toes curl and create amazing memories to be used later, when we are back home, reliving the night and getting excited all over again.

We love smart, articulate, open-minded guys and fun, energetic, adventurous girls - and vice versa!
We've found we connect easier with couples that are close to us in age, so late 30s/40s/early 50s preferred. We click quicker with educated, professional, elegant, upscale couples of any color or national origin.

Description:

In the vanilla world, we have letters after our names and signs on our doors.
But our 20-year marriage has so much spice - the vanilla world can't contain it. Want a taste?

The lady is a sexual bombshell, with incredibly creative fantasies. She loves to narrate them during sex, and they get wilder and wilder.
The gentleman is strong and intelligent, and extremely caring about his partner's satisfaction. Listening to her describing fantasies drives him wild, especially when she veers to her kinkier side. And after recent sexplorations, the kinkier side has become her favorite side.

We marked ourselves "straight", but lately both had experiences we enjoyed so much, that label is somewhat questionable now. While we are attracted to opposite sex, we are open to different opportunities.
We want to be seduced but don't need to be courted. We are full swap and ready to go if everyone clicks.
Our photos are from September 2019, our ages are up to date, and our weights are what the scales say, not New Year resolution targets.

If we are not fucking or talking about fucking, we are traveling or talking about traveling.
We love traveling almost as much as fucking, from Abu Dhabi to Zimbabwe, and 56 countries in between. And we fucked in almost all of them (ah, Vatican City, the one that got away!)

Fantasies and / or real experiences:

Every experience opens our minds to new and exciting possibilities.
Some things that were "a hard no" a year ago have become "Oh my god YES!" now. It's true you never know till you try.
Some did not live up to our fantasies - others we never thought about, but now make the gentleman hard and the lady wet at the mere memory.

Additional comments and things to do, see, hear or learn about:

We can plan ahead or be spur of the moment. With no need for childcare plans, we are ready to go at any time (she might want to finish her book first).

But if you're an intelligent, educated, sexy couple - we'll share a drink with you, because we'll be probably drinking tonight anyway.
We'll be probably fucking tonight anyway as well, maybe we'll share that too?

Our sexual fantasies often involve couples we've played with. They come back into our imaginary world to play with us again, but with time seem to get wilder and kinkier than they were during our playtime.

What will be your part in our fantasies?
It cannot start until one of us says "Hello", and the other says it back.

So, "Hello".

I forgot to say that I would either change none of them or remove the one of her alone seen from a bit below. The reason for that is the blurring is a bit overdone or something.

Made some changes to the text.
Still not sure if the new pics combine well with old ones.
Perhaps you could suggest which pics to keep and which to toss.

Yeah, other than some minor typos and putting something in Additional Comments, looked good to me too.

Wow, I was expecting at least some criticism... thank you all for your kind words.
And thank you for your very helpful suggestions as well. I've made the recommended changes to the flow of the text, but they are taking a while to populate.
I added some dressed up and fun pics... but may have gone a little too far on the fun. Now the sexy and sensual gallery has become a "How I spent my summer" show and tell.
I was hoping to put those pics into a different public folder but I don't think the system has this capability.

Hi. Thanks so much for temporarily opening your toggles. I looked at your profile earlier, but I was making my second trip to the emergency vet and thought you deserved more of my attention than I had.

I really like your profile and just have some quibbles, mostly about punctuation. Instead of correcting that, because that's too finicky for me today, I'd just suggest you run your profile through a much more robust spelling and grammar check than is available here and it should catch most of what is wrong.

Also, you need more blank lines between paragraphs to break up the wall 'o text thing that is happening in places. You might have to hit the enter key two or more times in order to get one blank line.

While I too would like more casual, playful photos mixed in, the only substantive quibble is that your approach to age is a bit idiosyncratic and might cause some eye rolling. One of you is much closer in age to 55 than to 35 and emphasizing it with a line of text in addition to your toggles is probably going to lose you some women who are well within your age range. So, I'd just boot that line, which will probably slightly increase your pool.

My only other suggestion, other than reading the whole thing out loud to catch a few infelicitous phrasings or even a typo or two (it's "As years go by), is to take that last paragraph in Description, the one that starts "We love traveling..." and bump it down to Additional comments.

Leaving a section blank is never a good idea, but here you not only get to fill that space, you get to end on a charming and more than semi-adorable note.

Thanks again and good luck.

I like your profile. I'm not even going to give you the disclaimer since I'm not going to be mean. ;-)

I usually don't like it when a profile is all coy in the Fantasies/Experience section - but you've done it so well that it is endearing. I'd leave off the "want to know...ask us!" bit since anyone interested will already be typing furiously to send you a message to find out what turns you on.

The last few lines in Looking For should probably be moved to other sections. I'd move the lines about plan ahead/spur of the moment to Description since that's more about you than who you're looking for. And if you move those very last few lines about sharing drinks and sex to Additional Comments you end on a fun note and aren't leaving that section blank. You'd have to reword it just a bit for it to make sense but you obviously have a way with words so that shouldn't be a problem.

As for your pictures, I agree with Velma. You need at least a few pictures that show a life outside swinging and one all dressed up for that first meeting.

Have fun!

~Phoebert's Wife

My first thought upon seeing your profile is that you guys look like you’re in love.

Your pictures are very well done but I think they have an Achilles’ heel. They look like they were done by a professional.

The problem with that is I can imagine that U2 are going to keep the same pictures for the next 10 years because they look so good.

I usually change my pictures every two weeks. I normally put new pictures up after every race.

Hell – my default picture was taken last night as I was leaving happy hour at Buena Vida is Silver Spring.

I opened a private gallery for you to show you some example pictures.

About the only change I would make is to add one picture of the two of you dressed nicely Like you’re going out for a date.

I would also take an event picture-maybe go to a football game or a basketball game or rock climbing. Show me that you have a life outside of swinging .

Please take a look and let us know your thoughts.
Thanks!