Curious about our profile

Late to the party, but that's when the cool stuff starts happening, right?

Disclaimer applies: I really want you two to have some great adventures. Don't ask me why, but for some reason I feel invested here so I'm going to be more nitpicky than I normally am. Remember it all comes from a supportive place.

Pictures: I get they're a work in process, but if they're not flattering, get rid of them. Lose all pics of M except the boat pic. The rest look awkward or are unflattering. Keep J's crocheted coverup pic, the eyes, bathroom selfie (I normally hate them but that one serves a purpose), beach pic (tattoo) and the bed pic with the towel animal. Fill in once you get the photoshoot done.

Why keep the bathroom selfie? There's some stretch marks that will help older women feel more comfortable about the idea of being naked with a much younger woman.

There's some creative wordsmithing I like. Funships is a good one. I like the questioning approach of the first paragraph. Keep those.

Having said that, the sentences about pace and process in the first paragraph feel out of place. The feeling I get is you're trying to communicate that you're open to whatever happens, so maybe reword it from that perspective. I'd probably include some expression of experience level since without that the wide-open approach you're expressing can come across as desperate. That will make the difference between "Let's play" and "Will someone please fuck us"?

"Finding a woman that she can become friends with, that is open to showing her the ropes (so to speak)" isn't a complete sentence. Same with the next one. There's a few more scattered throughout, so find and fix them. Their presence contradicts the educated persona being presented.

Descriptions: Agreed, lose the first paragraph. Yes, women have an issue bringing a younger woman into the bedroom. The two main reasons from my experience are they're going to be in much better shape, and they won't have any thing to talk about. Mrs C. did so unwittingly recently (happy birthday to me!) and is now a bit more comfortable with playing with someone half my age, but that's a rarity. What let this younger lady slip under the radar was the way she carried herself...she came across much more mature than her chronological age. I'd definitely follow the advice of emphasizing J's maturity, and what she has in common with more mature couples if that's true.

Hope all this helps!

"...haven't had a chance to get cynical and jaded... and maybe a little naive... but is there a reason to put so many rules and don't in the profile? Don't most of the turnoffs become readily apparent after the briefest of chats, and certainly immediately at drinks?"

There are no good reasons, no. And you needn't be new to lack cynicism or jadedness. People are generally lovely annnnnd occasionally you're going to have a poor experience, which in retrospect might have been avoided if you hadn't ignored some warning signs. Trying to erect signposts to keep from having additional poor experiences generally arises from magical thinking. It's kind of like folks looking for no drama couples. Do you really think people are going to see you don't want drama and recuse themselves because they're full of drama? Of course not. It's just as useless to fill a profile full of negativity and don't wants, because it will turn off a large number of people who wouldn't dream of doing those things and do nothing at all to eliminate the problems, which are often the result of poor screening anyway.

To the OP: Hi there. You are really the nicest couple. I have some nits to pick and a few suggestions, but overall I think you've done an amazing job.

So, first, that photo of the two of you where she's in a floral dress? I'd lose that one. The rest are fine for now, even the bathroom selfie, but that one does neither of you any favors.

In Looking For, downright is one word, the paragraph about chemistry would work way better as the first paragraph in Additional comments (but you need to add a "we" to it or something to fix the syntax), it's women rather than females for reasons of grammar, and you need a blank line between the last paragraph and the one above it.

In Description, I'd just leave out the first paragraph. You're making the age difference stand out when you really don't want to. Instead, your better option is to emphasize J's maturity, which you've done, and maybe think about - if it's true - including something about the potential attraction she might feel for women of all ages. Because it's women who are going to be subconsciously noping out due to her age, not men. I think both are equally lovely, but the body of a 30 year old woman is way different than that of a 55 year old and some mature women have feelings about that. That's why the age difference can be a red flag.

I'm going to let you keep the part about his sexual skills, even though I'd usually be the first to say dump it (honestly, sex is the least interesting thing about meeting new people for the first time, odd as that sounds), because it works here for those younger who might be wondering if he can keep up.

And it's errs on the side of caution unless you recast the sentence. Also, "shaven" generally comes with the suggestion of scratchy, so maybe just leave it out. Aside from everything else, it's the norm, along with good hygiene.

Fantasies is terrific.

And how about "congenial" in the place of "likeminded?" One actually has meaning, the other does not.

I think you've done a great job of being charming, relatable, sweet and fuckable. Congratulations and thanks for coming back.

It's hard work trying to incorporate all the various bits of often conflicting advice into your own writing style but you've done a great job.

Have fun with your planned photo shoot!

~Phoebert's Wife

I didnt read your original profile, but I love it now. I would absolutely contact you if you were in my area.
It's inviting, friendly, and very positive. It won't scare this lifestyle newbie, and hopefully will attract veterans as well.

I do see a lot of negativity in many profiles. We are new so haven't had a chance to get cynical and jaded... and maybe a little naive... but is there a reason to put so many rules and don't in the profile? Don't most of the turnoffs become readily apparent after the briefest of chats, and certainly immediately at drinks?

But I think your profile does a great job positioning itself to be attractive to people you want to attract.

Definitely get hotter photos though.

I’ve edited, edited...and edited the profile. Concentrating on the “resume” aspect of descriptions. How does the write up sound? Strayed away from negativity and honed in on staying positive. Mostly trying to appeal to all that we are interested in. Added in hobbies and interests (maybe too much?)
Feel like I can work on the additional section but I’m still thinking of a good conclusion/summary.

Our photos are a work in progress (there will be photo sessions soon to work out the debauch method)....

I don't remember your profile very well from the quick look I took early yesterday but I think it's much better now.

Looking for is very repetitious - you could probably combine the first three paragraphs into one - keeping the best bits that emphasize others and the relationships you're looking for.

Continue to work Velma's DEBauCH system - it creates a great core for your public gallery. My photo advice is more general - smile (even if you obscure your faces it affects your body language), watch for clutter and/or visual chaos in the background and avoid selfies.

And you should think of something for Additional Comments - you want people to think that you follow through and finish what you start.

Glad you came back - those who comment here really do want you to be successful.

Good luck & have fun!

~Phoebert's Wife

I think the pictures are a lot better.

The male half needs to keep his arm cocked and stand contrapposto.

It looks like the guy has somewhat of a belly. There’s ways of minimizing it, and the first step is not to stand with your arms down ever.

Keep that in mind as you take pictures.

You’re not a tin soldier, you're a Greek god. Pose like one.

You know, usually someone gives their version of the standard warning, because I think we all know how invasive and intrusive this can feel (some of us because we've offered up our own profiles), but for some reason, none of us thought to do it for you. It's some variant on: This can feel so mean and unpleasant, but we promise that our motives are benign and we want you to succeed. But the advice here is really blunt and pretty much reflects what could be getting between you and what you want in a way that makes it hard to ignore.

Also, Velma's photos are the best. Partly because she and Shaggy are ridiculously photogenic, partly because they're both great at capturing a moment.

I think you've done a much better job of refining and explaining what you're looking for, which is a great start. I'm not going to do a profile review for you this evening, because I think it's better if you have another night to sleep on it and decide if you're okay with more critiques, but I do want to encourage you to phrase things in Looking For in such a way that the other people are the focus. It's a seemingly subtle difference (I think it was mayhem who gave a great example below), but it can have a fairly profound affect on how you're perceived and how welcoming you seem.

I can admit when I’ve made a mistake and own up to it. I hastily deleted, feeling a bit thin skinned and should have done exactly what @Mayhem8 said. Sleep on it.

I did take the advice, started with pictures (although I feel still a work in progress) and updated the profile descriptions, etc. I know we’re still an “inside the box” couple and we’re ok with that. I did add in an excerpt regarding the age difference as I see where @catchynickname mentioned it’s not so desirable by some. Our relationship (and age difference) has always been an issue with others in and out of the lifestyle.

@goodgollymsmolly I did hone in on what we’re looking for (a little I guess) not sure if enough or too much or....

@velmaandshaggy we’re not vain I promise. I did enjoy looking at your debauch photos and it gave me great insight on what to do for photos now and in the future.

@Catchy - Thanks for the update. I know that I have read stuff, taken offense, and after I slept on it and re-read what was written, realized it was nowhere near as bad as I thought. Hopefully that was the case here.

They're working on it. The pics have changed considerably.

I'll be interested to see if they come back for a check-up. I'm interested to see the next iteration of their profile.

Perhaps I should have put in the standard disclaimer ;-) It can bit a bit harsh. You create something thinking you did exceptionally well, then people tear it down. Unfortunately they don't always get that the comments are to help them do better and not meant to be mean.

I will say that they at least had a fair amount of content. Some just have 3 or 4 sentences, which is either severe writer's block or simply lack of effort. The OP had neither and could have benefited from a bit of focus/polish.

I guess they were too vain.

Heh. Probably not your fault. ;-)

This can be an intense, uncomfortable experience so I'm never surprised when someone deletes their initial post, although I'm generally sorry. I have no way to really test the theory, but I do suspect that people who weather the process well go on to really enjoy swinging and end up having it be a valuable part of their lives. Not that the two things are connected, just that being comfortable with one and being comfortable with the other probably go together.

Wow - I finally got time to comment on the profile that I took a quick look at earlier today and the OP is gone!

Wonder if they looked at my profile before or after deleting their initial post? ;-)

~Phoebert's Wife

I agree with the "exclusive" comment GGMM made. I think it's safe to say that most people get into the LS because they want variety, not just one other couple to play with. They are out there too, but it's a lot smaller pool of people to choose from.

You have a lot of content but it seems like it's all over the place. A lot would fit better in other sections. A LOT of it comes across as very YOU-centric . For example, '"We are willing to take it slow..." in Looking For could say "Looking for people willing to take it slow".

Some content can go away. For example, there's no need for physical descriptions when you can see the same thing in the pictures.

You say nothing about what you like other than sex. No hobbies/interests to start a conversation over or perhaps see if you have common interests.

She's cute, even if it is a bathroom selfie so that may pull some people in, but I don't really see a clear message about what you're actually looking for.

I opened a private gallery for you to see the kinds of pictures you should have.

I’m going to make up a new name for a couple like you. I’m going to call you a “Clowns in my Coffee Couple.”

You know that song by Carlie Simon: “You're So Vain”? Well, that song is home to one of the greatest misunderstood lyrics in rock.

The line is “clouds in my coffee” but it’s often misinterpreted as “Clowns in my coffee.”

So... you guys are a Clowns in my Coffee couple. You know the melody, but the lyrics are a little out of reach.

Everything you need to make a great profile is there. You just need to put the pieces together. Your pictures aren’t bad, just schizophrenic: him, her, boobs, eyes, more eyes.

You are wearing Philadelphia Flyers gear with no explanation as to why since you are 300 miles away from Philadelphia.

This kind of makes me feel like maybe you were once Philly residents but left and maybe your pics are old?

But... sports uniforms are good. They are a way of showing that you may have something in common with a couple who is looking.

Go over the DEBauCH method I have in my private gallery. Take some new pictures and repost so we can review.

Hi. I don't love your profile - you talk a lot about yourselves in the section dedicated to others, you list nothing about yourselves that would interest me in Description, there's some negativity in Fantasies, and you've found one of the less effective ways to end your profile if your aim is for people to like you - but none of that is a deal breaker, even for me.

Your photos might be though, since you have a bathroom selfie (why?), no photos of the two of you together, he's wearing baggy clothes and if we get to see her eyes, why can't we see his?

And then you are either just looking around or you are looking for an exclusive couple. Except maybe you're willing to try others on while you're looking for that exclusive relationship. I can't really tell. But this is a swinger site, so many couples will pass you by because they're not looking for a relationship of that sort and single women will pass you by because you don't mention them at all, so it looks as if toggling an interest in them is an error you've failed to correct.

Plus, you don't have certs and there is a big age gap, so you're not going to appeal to a lot of couples for those reasons alone.

On line, people are looking for a reason to say no and you give them a bunch. You'd probably have better luck in clubs and at parties.

If you want a detailed profile review, I can give one, but it's probably not necessary.

Good luck.

Agreed, the profile is good and the pics could use some work. That’s not what I’d peg as the cause of the low volume of contacts though

First, our WVM stays right at 1000. That not to brag, but to help you understand that we are in a similar situation (lots of people looking), as we get 1-2 contacts a week on average right now.

The roots (imho) are two-fold: You have an age gap of 20 years, and you e done a great job of qualifying potential playmates through the detail in your profile.

The age gap matters a lot to some couples. If they’re close to 50 they may not feel they’ll have anything in common with a 30-year old, and vice Vera’s for younger couples. There’s a lot of people that don’t want to play with couples young enough to be their children, or old enough to be their parents

As far as the level of detail and how it affects your contact rate, that’s up to you. If you thin it out and make the profile shorter, you may get more contacts but they won’t be as good a fit. Leave it alone, and you’ll also get the “tl;dr” effect at work

Hope that insight is beneficial!

The written portion of the profile isn't too bad. But, be aware that you will get a lot of views from people who never play for one reason or another. Your pictures could use some work. Stay away from selfies and go for an uncluttered background. Try and get several of you all together that let people see both of you in full body shots not just the female half. It seems like the male half is hiding behind baggy clothes. Take an evening and have some fun getting some good photos.