Jealousy

Im "decent size" myself but my biggest tuen on is to see her with someone way bigger then me and get to fuck her loose and swollen pussy after he leaves. No jealousy

"...but I don’t want to be jealous."

Okay, but you are. The two of you can embrace that and, depending on what makes you jealous, either stick with MFM or do separate room play only. Or you can just roll with the jealousy, but that only works if you can live with how awful it feels for you and (this is the most important part) simultaneously not act on your feelings. Or you can quit swinging, because the imbalance throws off your relationship.

Or, and this is harder, take a break, pick apart why you're jealous, and deal with it. You might need a sex-positive therapist or you might be able to do an unflinching self inventory and figure out your shit on your own. Based on observation and experience, jealousy usually arises from fear and lack, sometimes from twisted competitiveness. Anyway, working through it also requires being honest with yourself and your partner.

I'm not inclined towards jealousy, but when I have been, it's hearkened back to a childhood where everything was in short supply, including attention, and shoved me back into toddlerhood emotionally. I've had to just feel my feelings, have the conversations, and resolve things in a way that works for both of us.

Mayhem,

Engaging response. Thanks.

For us, the best parts of the erotic play with others is the foreplay—the quickened pulses of our anticipation of an evening of play—and especially the afterplay when we are back alone together or what we call lovemaking in the afterglow (which can have more fire in it than the play itself).

"I wonder if--or how much--women similarly feel a more intensified desire to make love to their husband after watching him with another woman."

I know that the Mrs enjoys seeing/hearing me have fun. A lot of her "after desire" depends on how well she was taken care of. If playing with a couple and the guy couldn't really perform, the Mrs is definitely going to want me to scratch that itch after they leave.

We used to ALWAYS have sex after a LS party, but if the Mrs is sated and it's like 2 am, we'll usually save it for morning-after sex.

The Opposite of Jealousy:

Confession: My wife has discovered the joy she takes in being pleasured by two men at the same time.

I have discovered the opposite of jealousy: the excitement I take in watching, listening, and then participating in her beyond vanilla MFM adventures.

The breaking apart of our monogamous bond--a momentary fission--seems to release an energy that fuses us back together more deeply in romantic passion.

Our favorite lovemaking and fucking--and our most intense orgasms--come now in the anticipation and afterglow of such play.

Maybe the best word to describe this joy and excitement that I have called "the opposite of jealousy" is limerence.

How do I explain this joy?

There is something stirred up inside me watching my wife sexing it up with another man, and jealousy is activated somewhere in my psyche, but any feeling of jealousy is then surpassed by my desire to make love to my wife and fuck her even more intensely, with more passion, with an untamed fervor and beauty.

In a word, it makes me feel so cockstrong.

The last time we played with a couple, my wife had a wild, fun fuck with the other guy. This came at the end of a long play session where over the course of a few hours, I had two wonderful orgasms.

To my surprise, as soon as the other couple left our hotel room around midnight, I was rebounding back with quickened pulse into full potency.

My wife and I made love, and I experienced the longest, most intense orgasm of my life. It was like a rocket firing off in two stages, an orgasm doubled in length and power, the closest I've come to a multiple orgasm.

I wonder if--or how much--women similarly feel a more intensified desire to make love to their husband after watching him with another woman.

We completely echo what @ronkathy had to say. If both partners aren’t having a blast in the LS then it’s probably not worth doing. Each of us not only derive our fun and pleasure from playing with others but from knowing our partner shares the same sentiment. It really is just about having sex for us. Now, we’ve forged some long term friendships with some of our playmates and see some of them regularly. That said, when we do get together with them it still all about the sex. We‘ve played together with couples, as well as MFM’s, FMF’s and we have no issues playing separately. In fact, playing separate is becoming one of our favorite things to do. It adds a new level of eroticism to our relationship.

Excellent advice by sexy!

Now from our point of view also... STOP.. you guys are not on the same page and we have seen over our 23 plus years swinging couples like yourself that cannot handle going to bed with someone else just for FUN.. so seriously until you work out your issues stop and communicate what you both want.

For us we both do 3sums and also go out alone just to keep what we do fun and exciting.. we all know its not love but an emotional fun sexy time..

Its just sex and we have always looked at swinging like a fun flirtatious sport... we both enjoy.. we do 3sums, 4 sums and go out alone.. but like I said many cannot do this and we have seen it end badly if you are not on the same page. Good luck.. communicate and communicate more!

Getting jealous over different things at different times is to be expected. I don't care how long you've been doing this or how much. Occasionally you will get a bit jealous over this thing or that. Most of the time if you just bite your tongue for a few days it will just fade away. Other times a conversation about it may be the appropriate response. Just don't expect to enjoy this lifestyle with ZERO jealous feelings now and then. It happens to every single person in the lifestyle and don't let anyone tell you different.

How you deal with it is the key.

Sounds like it fucks you up mentally and emotionally, too. If he wants reciprocity to be with other females if you are with other males, you two may want to step back from the lifestyle until you can work this out. But some couples have fun in the LS with MFMs only, if that's what you BOTH want. I wouldn't suggest you engage with couples, unless they know ahead of time about your issue and that he won't be playing with the other woman (or that if he does, you'll be jealous). This is a red flag or show-stopper for some couples - they either want swap or want to avoid the drama.

First of all, that's a very normal response to seeing your life partner being intimate with someone else. Please don't buy into the polyamory dogma that you're somehow broken for feeling jealous. You really have to talk with one another about this so you can work through it together. Jealousy comes from some underlying fear.

You'll have to dig in together to pinpoint what that is so he can reassure you that it's an irrational fear. For example, are you afraid that he will enjoy the other woman more than you? If he does, what are you afraid of then? That he will leave? (And so on)

Swinging should be an add-on to a strong relationship. Don't force it until you've worked through these things.

Just my NSHO. Good luck.

Hi, my partner and I are new to this site. My partner has no problem, and encourages me to be with other men. Hence, my question.

Why, when he is going to be with another woman jealousy rears it’s ugly head? It fucks him up mentally and emotionally , which I understand, but I don’t want to be jealous. I want him to fully embrace life and the person that he is; the same way in which he encourages me.

I would greatly appreciate some wisdom and guidance. Lori