Ettiquette - splitting the room

Sorry that they cancelled on you all. We never pay for anything until we see the whites of their eyes in the coffee shop across the street or in the lobby.

Sorry to see your date didn't work out. At least they cancelled in time to where you didn't pay for the room and found out later. There are always flags that seem to come to light after the fact, don't let it discourage you. We all have had times where we wish we would've seen the warning signs quicker. Those people just help keep the doors open for you to meet the right ones.

That's the spirit.

I think long time swingers can seem intolerant, but it's often a matter of having figured out that certain behaviors are indicators of future problems. So a departure from the norm, like asking you to pay for the room without explaining why, raised a red flag in my head. Like, it could be fine, but it isn't a good sign.

Certainly seems that way now. Hindsight being 20/20 and all.

Oh well. NEXT!

I’ve got to agree with Scamp that their request to have you pay for the room was a foreshadowing of more flakey behavior.

Luckily they told us that morning. So we're not out any $$.

No obvious signs of them not being totally on board. We were even texting the night before and he was telling me how much he was looking forward to playing with my wife.

They're an established couple with good certs so we were confident things were going to progress.

Oh well, it's all part of the journey I guess.

Well that’s a bummer. Maybe the “you pay for the room” was their way of being non committal? Any other red flags and were they just a no show or did they give you warning before you paid for the room?

~Scamp

Thanks again all. Turned out they flaked on us.

It isn't too unusual to take turns hosting assuming multiple play dates. That is probably what they are thinking. You all are just hosting at the non roach infested hotel room and they will do the next one at their house or another house. Hope it goes/went well.

AandJinNNJ …. I'm sorry, maybe I mistook "They're asking us to cover the room. I thought splitting the room was customary in these situations?" as quibbling ...…... maybe that is more of a Southern term.

Maybe they are thinking since they can host the next play date, you should pay for this one?

If you want to play with them, pay for the room and if it happens again where neither can host, casually suggest it’s their turn to pay.

~Scamp

Thanks everyone for the advice.

Phoenix - I must have given the wrong impression - all the quibbling is in my head - haven't had a controversial word with the the other couple at all...

Forgive me - my newbie is showing...

Seems to me that their inability to host offsets your inability to host, so therefore splitting the hotel cost is the only reasonable and fair option.

One other thought, maybe unsolicited, but if this much quibbling over the first meeting, I wonder how likely it is that this is going to be a successful relationship.

Splitting the room is customary. I can think of a few situations in which it would be courteous to pick up the whole tab, but this just sounds like an ordinary play date.

Sure, since you say it's an afternoon date, then yes, the bill should be split without question.

Thanks Friendly. Actually, its an afternoon date and both couples will be heading home after playtime. So no one will use the room overnight. There are some "no tell motels" in the area but we're not comfortbale with those and think they're skeevy.

Everyone may have different views, but in this case splitting the room would be the proper thing to do. We would not feel comfortable expecting the other couple to pay the whole bill, especially if all of you will be there the entire night. If you plan on keeping the room but sending them home, then the bill may be up to you. Just our opinion.

Ok - we're new and have a question.

We met a couple a while ago with who we hit it off. After weeks of life getting in the way on both sides we've finally scheduled a play date for tomorrow. We've explained that we will never be able to host and they said they sometimes can but can't host tomorrow.

They're asking us to cover the room. I thought splitting the room was customary in these situations?