Girlfriend Wants A 3-4 Way

For me I'm personally attracted to intelligent men with a great sense of humor. If they can dance that's a big plus. Of course good looking with a hard body doesn't disqualify them, but it's not necessary for me to be attracted to them either. Of course 1st impressions are important, but what seals the deal for me is their personality. I like confident men who aren't necessarily overbearing, but who know what they want and aren't too shy about it. I used to have sex with a friend of my husbands who was 5'3" tall. He was a really fun guy to be with, in and out of bed. He's since passed away, but I can say he was someone that was always fun to be around. Even a little overweight doesn't turn me off, but obesity does. I want to enjoy being with my partners. If you can be that kind of man, you'll eventually do just fine. Actually I think my husband is more picky than I am. Although we do have a rule that neither of us ever takes one for the team. That doesn't work out either.

TBR nailed it, so to speak. General vanilla world vs swinger world dynamics.

:-)

~Allen

I'll agree with OE that in general, for the entire population, there is a genetic imperative for men to get their sperm out there, impregnating as many women as will let them (and for some, even those that won't). For women, there is a genetic imperative for women to be more selective.

However, we are not looking at a normal distribution in the swinger community.

I don't have the inclination to look for studies that look at this, but I know they are out there. An acquaintance of mine wrote his thesis about sexual practices in kibbutzim in the 1970s, which describes promiscuous practices.

Over educated: I prefer slaps to bring some to reality. Speaking of posts, I’ve already admitted that I’ll turn a lady down and disqualify her for a simple single item. I’m not independently wealthy nor with washboard abs.. My wife has already posted about needing qualifiers, not disqualifiers, per prior posts. These are quite the opposite of the “personal experience” you supply as fact. There are dozens of posts here and there about it.

The study you provided: These are hyperactivated people, you said normal, excuse me, “typical”, therefore, your research data does not even flow with your posts, ie expertise. Last minute Google perhaps.........

Brings to mind EroticAmazon and/or a Mario; we have enough of those already.

Rustic: LOL Nanna nanna boo boo, I’m with you, I’m out too, there’s way too much witch’s brew.

:-)

~Allen

RonKathy a wise man once said "Some people are educated beyond their capability to comprehend it." I'm out and did you get extra butter on that popcorn? If not I will have to get my own.

Meh, if you are sincerely interested in data and studies and not just internet slap fighting, you can start with this study that found that even in environments with rather extreme sex ratios (favoring males) that women are more selective, and socio-economic factors are most important to them.

RATIONAL CHOICE AND EVOLUTIONARY PSYCHOLOGY AS EXPLANATIONS FOR MATE SELECTIVITY

Yaarit Bokek-Cohen, Yochanan Peres, Satoshi Kanazawa

This one specifically buttresses my point about men being less selective specifically as it regard to just having sex.

Two of the key conclussions: Sexually hyperactivated men display lower short-term attractiveness standards. Sexually hyperactivated women display higher short-term attractiveness standards.

Misguided attraction: The contribution of normative and individual-differences components of the sexual system to mating preferences?

Ohad Szepsen, Gurit E.Birnbauma

“ I find women are way more selective (as part of their evolutionary mating strategy) and typically look to disqualify rather than qualify potential partners. Typical guys (i.e. not in the top tier of physical and/or socio-economic strata) will have sex with pretty much whatever.”

There must not be any data, except your own, because reading posts over the past almost decade says otherwise to both accounts.

:-)

On a side note:If anyone has ever read something that made them want to call BS and couldn’t resist themselves in doing so, they understand.

~Allen

Your disagreements reinforce my argument. Using sex as a means to increase social and thus material standing falls perfectly within what I said, ditto for rich men. Biological imperatives don't change just because sex isn't always intentionally procreative, and attraction typically is a subconscious not rational process

overeducatedcouple I can't agree with that. Sex is not just about procreation in modern society (say 10 thousand years or more). In fact historically it has been used by women to increase social standing more than "perfect" offspring. If you don't believe that look at how some of these unattractive overweight rich guys have an almost perfect 10 on their arm. Thankfully most women are not so shallow and look for a personality and attitude as they do perfect genetics. That's not to say women (and men) are not attracted to the perfect specimen however the fact that we are mentally advanced means we can overlook physical "flaws" for other more endearing attributes. BTW I can say last night just proves that what others see as a flaw some see as a turn on. I had a woman come over where I was sitting alone, while the wife was warming up in the hot tub, and stoke my beard then make me an offer however she wanted me solo without my wife even in the room so it did not work out.

Can't agree with the last comment at all. I find women are way more selective (as part of their evolutionary mating strategy) and typically look to disqualify rather than qualify potential partners. Typical guys (i.e. not in the top tier of physical and/or socio-economic strata) will have sex with pretty much whatever.

Hello Firstime

We all have insecurities about ourselves and you are no different. We have one great thing in our favor as a man, most women can overlook most things in guys as long as the personality and the confidence is there. Women for the most part have this unique ability to see past all the negative stuff and reach that positive thing that others cannot see. They are just amazing in that way and use that to your advantage! Sorry ladies. It sounds like she loves you very much and that you both are genuinely concerned with each others happiness. That in and of itself should give you confidence! Make sure these couples and women see what she sees in you and I am sure it will all work out. If you can make them laugh and smile, that just may be enough to break that ice!

Keep going buddy, I admire you for how you put this out here. Do not let those other people get you down, we all know that they are not perfect.

Maybe under normal circumstances the joke could be unwelcomed, but when delivered with sincerity from a sexy woman such as yourself I can't believe it would be taken badly.

Whether you’re 5 feet or 6’ 5”, if you act small in the presence of others, you’ll get treated as such!

As other posters have said, there’s something in your game that has that lady with you, and her feeling comfortable enough to share her deepest wants with you.

I can understand your hesitation with a male third, but even in a couples swap, you’ve gotta be comfortable & confident with seeing another guy with your lady ... if another guy is an issue for you under any circumstance, then this may not be for you.

Post pics in your profile - get a kik account that you both can openly share, and mingle.

No, Bucket, I did not make any dwarf jokes at all, because I imagine that shit gets old. ;-)

Not to turn this into a little person convo........... But I have yet to see one in the lifestyle at all. Even on SLS. I'd jump at the chance though :)

@GGMM ... Did you offer to play Snow White asking him to play Doc, with the promise to make him Happy?

I spent a couple of years very attracted to a dwarf and he to me. Didn't matter how many signals I sent out, nor how bluntly they were phrased, he believed I was joking. An ounce more of self-confidence in him and we'd have had a very good time.

Women aren't men. Whatever attracted your hot girlfriend is going to attract other women as well.

I saw a midget post in hot dates just last week.

I don't know man. I assume women are going to see a chubby midget with a hottie around his arm and be curious. "Is this guy packing a horse cock, super charming, rich?" all things that will give you a mystique and advantage imho.

I think you will find success here. Just be smart about how you curate your profile (use the advice forum).

Let me say I feel you on the outclassed by the female in the relationship. That said once you find people that look past that things become all sorts of fun. Just one look at our pictures and you can see how I look 10-20 years older than she does yet she is older than I am. It has been this way since we met in college (well the looking older gap has increased a lot). The thing is the people that judge you only on your looks are really not folks you want to spend your time with anyway. Work on getting to know people especially at a party where meeting and greeting is more the focus than heading to a room. It will allow you to socialize and make an impression (hopefully a good one) which for the folks you want to get to know counts a whole lot more than looks.

BTW this all assumes you are not a hunchback troll or something. I mean you do have both eyes on the same side of your head above your nose in the middle and all your teeth right? That was an attempt at humor although it does have some truth to it. At a certain point no amount of personality can fix the looks. Yeah I know shallow but truthful.

Scary is normal when you are first sticking your toe in the pool. You’ll soon find that the water is fine.

Thank you for the replies. I guess i didnt know exactly where i was going with the post, other than to get some frustration out. I will post in the hotdates section and keep looking. As i said before, this is my first time doing anything like this so its a bit scary but exciting at the same time. Looking forward to an upgrade also for sure.

Firsttime. I wouldn't go beating yourself up to much as obviously your GF sees something special in you and others will too. You need to be patient, pay for a gold membership as others will take you as a serious couple not just someone surfing swinger sites and see where it goes from there. Maybe hitting the gym and working on getting yourself in better shape will also help with self esteem and attracting couples to play. Good luck!

Firsttime,
First, welcome to the SLS forums.

Second, it’s not clear if if you are trying to ask a question, start a general discussion, or actively solicit for a date.

If you are tying to get a date you should post in the hotdates section. If you are asking a question wanting to know if given your stature and body type, is it possible to be successful in your quest, the answer is yes, assuming that you are not a complete troll. From your reasonably worded post, I would assume that you are an OK guy. Ok guys do just fine in this lifestyle, but you’ll need patience and realistic expectations.

You will find that here are many couples where the women is much better looking than the men. My wife is considerably better looking than me, but she doesn’t look specifically for pretty boys, although she wouldn’t turn them down either. My wife, like many women, are attracted to nice, funny, attentive men, especially when she’s in the midst of a sexually charged environment such as a club or party.

Spend time here in the forum, or chat room. Develop relationships with people. Be a good human. You’ll do well.

The girl im with is 27 and im 32. She has been really curious lately. She is hot and im not (not trying to sound self deprecating, just know societal standards) she is 5'9 with amazing breasts and a good body, im 5 foot even and chubby. I do want to experience another woman or couple with her but i know most couples will probably pull out due to me and it has happened already. I know she can probably land a single guy for a threesome but im not too interested in that as i would feel somewhat inadequate. This is the first time i have taken part in this kind of a search and the second time my girl has. Not too sure what to do. I keep trying dating sites and forums. I just signed us up to here and will probably upgrade our account soon. Sorry for the rambling but i guess i just needed to get some frustration put haha. There is a lot more to tell and maybe i will depending on the responses to this post.