I enjoy taking the time to chat a little on SLS getting our expectations known and I pretty much always meet in a public location first so there’s no pressure on anyone to do anything not mutually agreed on. I have been stood up by couples a time or two, newbies can flake (which I can understand after hearing some really creepy stories about some first encounters and bad experiences).
I've found more BS now than during the pre internet lifestyle world
I would love to add to the list of Flakes, Ghosters, and Fake Profiles. I am a pretty good BS detector, but nothing is 100%, I suppose.
While it has been quite a long time since my last "date" on SLS, but I always show up, and if we've gotten to that point in wanting to meet for a date, I'm a sure thing and down with playing after meeting up somewhere public to break the ice. With a hectic schedule and that thing called life, planning is very important for me, so I think it downright rude and inconsiderate to no-show someone. Such playtime is even more difficult when one moves to the middle of nowhere, which is where this gurl finds herself today. It's sad, too, because we have some excellent resorts up here in Northern NH. Help!
Years ago, a wild night, my ex and I end up at our friend Barb’s house. Her friend Crystal was staying with her, (we were all on SLS at the time) and we hit it off, soon disappearing into Barb’s room. My ex and Barb were in the SLS chat room which at the time was actually quite busy. They literally couldn’t find a single male who took them seriously….a Saturday night, two women ready to meet and every single one of them thought they were getting bullshitted. They even tried getting phone numbers to verify and meet. After that night Barb called and texted often, just said I was reliable.
Dear_diary - Your experience is exactly why we focus more on parties than meeting singles/couples online. I realize not everyone has access or enjoys parties, but even if you don't like them, you could attend 1 or 2 just to meet real people and get their contact info. Someone that has made time to go to a party is more likely to make time to actually meet and play outside of a party.
As for the list, one problem is that the forums are AFAIK a relatively small subset of SLS members, so only those members and people you actually meet with would even be aware of any list. On the upside, the LS community is smaller than people realize and word does eventually get around, but it can be a slow process with many gaps in it.
The other thing is that a person that blows you off (which would be kind of crazy BTW ;-) might have a good experience with someone else, so there can always be conflicting information.
LOL I say YELP for loser's.. 1 through 5 star reviews!
Besides word does get around.. at least in our circle
Onehornywife. The ignorant break rules, The clever find a way around them.
Onehorneywife, SLS rules exist only here.
Dear Diary. I agree a published list of dead beats would be great. We could add a number of them as the fakes seem to be more abundant than the real people anymore. Problem is that SLS rules will not allow it.
Make a list and give it out. When I make plans with someone to the point where I make a time a date and a place to meet, after they tell me they’ll be there. They’re looking forward to it. They wouldn’t miss it for anything.. them if they don’t show up, they’ll go on the list to be shared with anybody that wants it as a flake. if everyone did this, there’d be a lot less of it. And yes, when somebody flakes on me, I block them. I take them out of my phone and I let them know I do it and yes, people are going to say there’s always something that comes up. That’s legit my house burnt down. I got called into work. I got a flat tire I got lost. I fell asleep. I was too drunk Meteor hit my truck I ran out of gas. and my all-time personal favorite I hit a skunk.
Well there are a lot of fakes on here. Some are couples profiles where the wife knows nothing about his fantasy. Then there are female profiles set up by males to collect dick photos. For the most part semi easy to separate out as fakes.
I have never been a no show if a date is set up, and so far that has not worked out much at all.
Just saying not all fakes are men!
To add to what Mayhem stated, if you are like me and there are no LS parties or meet and greets or active groups in your area and nobody responds to your hot dates, try Fetlife. They have munches. Which is their version of a meet and greet. In my area fetlife is very active.
They are very different from swingers, but it is still worth a try. I do not really fit in with most of them, they like things like getting hit during sex and getting bruised, but at least I am meeting people and maybe I will meet someone I am compatible with.
Mayhem- I'm surprised the "asking about local landmarks" works.
I would just google any landmark you gave me and I'm sure I could convince you I was a local.
I would think local events would work better. Unless they are very large events, I probably wouldn't find any info online.
Flip - We do the same when we travel, and people that travel for business could very well be in a bunch of different cities. There's no sure fire way to tell. Some people will make multiple plans and then just pick what they feel the best one is. I have no use for people like that.
It's a fine line though. I myself have made multiple plans because I strongly suspect a flake, but if I do make other plans I let the others KNOW right up front about that and fully expect them to cancel on me if they wind up with other firm plans. In other words, it's mutually agreed that we are OK being each others contigency plan. The unfortunate thing is that you usually don't know someone blew you off until after it's too late to do anything about it.
All of this is why we obviously prefer parties over meeting just a couple. Sometimes we meet couples that are more-the-merrier types like us and we have a house that we can accomodate multiple couples/singles. That just increases the odds that we're going to meet up and play and it's just a matter of how many people that will be with.
We always make sure that people we make plans with are fully aware of whatever the plan is so as to minimize surprises. Sometimes couples are just into 2 on 2 play, and that's fine too. More ofthen than not, by the time we get to meeting a couple it's a very high probability that we'll meet as planned, barring an emergency on either end.
bfwp4u - I realize that not everyone likes or even has LS parties in their area, but if you do AND the parties have a public RSVP list, it may be worth reaching out to people on that list.
Assuming they are actually attending these parties, it shows that they are willing to get up off their couch and go out and actually meet people. I would of course suggest that if you do have local parties, it would be worth attending one or two just to make contacts. You can also look into having your own Meet & Greets or even LS parties.
FWIW - You can still have fakes/liers at parties, but if you aren't even meeting people at all, at least this gets you to the next stage. Some don't actually care about cheaters, so there's that too.
I assume everyone's a fake or a flake until proven otherwise.
@mayhem. We travel a fair bit and we do reach out to people about meeting all the time while showing our location in SC. Usually a few weeks out from the time of hopefully meeting so it definitely happens.
We're pretty jaded anymore. SO MANY fakes, flakes and liars. Single/attached males in particular. It's almost enough to make us want to give up, as much as we enjoyed our previous FWB.
swm4norcalmfm - While it's possible someone could be in 4 cities in 2 weeks, it is suspect. Again, it doesn't hurt to report suspected fakes. If they're doing this to you, they're likely doing it to others.
SLS likely can't do anything if people make dates and then don't show, but if it's likely they never intended to make a date because they are not in the location they claim, then SLS could step in. Especially if they get multiple reports about the same profile.
It's rare, but I have had people reach out to me where their profile just "suddenly" appears in my town. I live in a small town, so if I suspect a fake I will ask if they're aware of some VERY obvious landmarks. If not, then I know they are likely fakes. I will also sometimes ask if they're aware of a fake landmark to see if they're lying. These are profiles where they are in my town one week and I notice they're in a different one in another state the next.
When it's happened to me though, it was on a different site other than SLS. Their motivation did seem to be about pictures as the asked for more of them right out of the gate, which is also a red flag.
This has been an issue with couples lately too. Guessing it’s fakes that jump town to town collecting pics? I was burned last week by one such “couple”. Been watching their profile. 4 cities in two weeks all over the country
BJmax - That sucks. I hope you at least reported him. While it may not do any good, SLS does have some motivation to deal with people like this because they are bad for their business if he is just purely a poser and not in fact travelling to the locations he claim to be in.
It is obvious that some think swinging is immoral. Who knows, but maybe they feel justified by that to falsely lead people on and try to ruin their day.
99% of the time these days, if meeting someone new we'll meet at a local restaurant where we would have gone to anyway. Worst case is we have a nice meal and go home and play with each other. The rest we meet at parties, so we don't generally encounter this ourselves. Especially since we only play with singles at parties.
Well BJMAx we have had a very similar experience with a guy whole is very well hung. I believe he was out of California. Have seen him listed in other cities too.
Thats why we stick to what we have written.. look at ones profile and photos, we chat a couple times, set up a meet within a week and meet.. we have learned quickly how to get rid of flakes quickly instead of this game back and forth they play on SLS!
It truly is amazing how many liars , guys cheating, ones who are not into swinging and havent told the wife we have met on SLS!
Fraunhubby- forget about everything else, I'm shocked that you found a guy who knew what a chevy small block is.
Back in my day, when we walked to school barefoot in July in the snow, and we argued about which was better, big block or small block,we would have to know how to duct tape a car back together to get it home after a break down and we carried hose clamps and belts and hoses and antifreeze. Guys today hyperventilate and call mommy for help when they get a flat tire.
