Lights, Consent, Action: Making Sex Tapes in the Lifestyle

Transcript

Speaker1: Hey, good morning, good afternoon, good evening. Wherever you are, I hope you have blue skies. I really do. A breeze on your back, sand between your toes. Welcome to the Other Lifestyle Podcast. I'm your host, Jason. Leave vanilla behind as we talk about making sex tapes. This show is for adults only. We will talk about sex, relationships, the lifestyle, and ethical non-monogamy in an honest way with lots of real talk. If you are under 18, this show is for adults only. We will talk about sex relationships, the lifestyle and ethical non-monogamy in an honest way with lots of real talk. If you are under 18, this show is for adults only. We will talk about sex relationships, the lifestyle and ethical non-monogamy in an honest way with lots of real talk. is your only warning to stop fucking listening. Around here on the beaches of sexual freedom, consent, education, and good times, everyone is welcome, lifestyle vanilla, or just the curious. Whatever your gender identity, expression, truth, or flavor, you are welcome here. I do my best to use inclusive language, though you may hear words like husband or wife or man or woman to make my life simple. My email address is host at thatotherlifestyle.com. My website, which I did update, good for me, ThatOtherLifestyle. And if you really like what I do and you want some more, join the afterparty at Patreon.com slash ThatOtherLifestyle. Or, hey, maybe just buy me a cup of coffee. Send me a tip at BuyMeACoffee.com slash ThatOtherLifestyle. Scintillating sights of sexual slipperiness made dinner all the spicier. That beautiful woman sits across from me who shared her smile and lack of panties freely. Conversation flows between pairs and partners while pulses quicken. That was one of the longest drives ever back to a place where we did not have to wait. Closed to the floor fast, black fingernails trace abstract shapes down my body, while my own hands explore hot places, summoning forth moans of encouragement. Brown eyes lock with mine, entrancing me, beckoning me to dive. Miles apart and minutes of waiting rapidly running out, leaving me aligned with those hot places. Inches to go and inches to spare. Two other people in the room in the same position. Laughter. Good. But wait, the laughter stops. Then a man speaks, the other man in the room. What the fuck does he want now? This is not the time for interruption, sir. This is the time for release, for a slick drag race to the finish line, pushing her ahead of me. No, this man interrupts the starting light. Green light becomes yellow, then red. Hey, do you guys mind if I record this? He asked. The fuck? My Viagra-clouded, horny brain cannot, will not process, refusing to fucking process right now. So close. And now I am drugged back, kicking and screaming to fucking reality, to consideration, to having to think right now. Granted, it is polite of him to ask. Yes, I will give him that. It's kind. He wants to do this, and he asked. Leaving nothing unhidden, he is asking for my consent and my wife's consent. our consent to create a permanent record of what we are about to do he wants to keep a memento of this night he holds the smartphone in his hand there is a pause i look to my wife wishing we had telepathy at this exact moment again wondering running a thousand variables through my head and i know she is doing the same now i am resisting the urge to tell this man begging your finest fucking pardon sir but the timing is not ideal channeling that that urge back internally, I have to think why. Then how long have we known this couple? Do I trust them? Do we both trust them, me and my wife? Is my wife okay with this? Does she mind? How is he going to keep that video? What will he do with a video? The thought of him having a sneaky game of yank-a-dick by himself watching me fuck his wife is a special kind of compliment that is rare in life. Maybe he really likes watching himself have sex. I've heard of those kind of people. Granted, that wasn't a full thousand variables, it was more like ten or twelve. I could probably come up with more, but the point is made. Recording of sex, making a sex tape, leaving a trail of evidence of our indiscretions for later enjoyment. All of this is happening, going through my head, while I am fully erect, hovering, holding myself up above a beautiful woman. Making a sex tape. Inspiration comes from strange places, and this was inspired by my wife's choice of a documentary about sex tapes a few nights ago i have been struggling to write an episode for two weeks i didn't do one last week it was it was um a lot of writing to nothing i wrote nearly three i wrote three nearly complete episodes threw them all away one of them is up on my patreon if you're curious patreon.com slash that in the lifestyle i was struggling and trying to quantify and talk about heavy concepts of being unwanted and scene and the lifestyle and then there was this whole other train of thought about attention and sniffing sunshine and purple fingernails i wrote five of the best paragraphs i dare say i may have written in my life as an intro for one of those episodes and i am fucking determined to use it at some point just not yet i was inspired by this this episode by a documentary about sex tapes celebrity sex tapes making sex tapes to let the newbies know it is a thing in the lifestyle. I have never talked about it, but I have been involved in it. I have been a participant, and I have been an initiator of my own video endeavors. Sometimes my own desire, and sometimes at the request of others. I can talk from experience on this. I can talk from the perspective of a man who put camera mounts up in his playroom in case visitors request it. I want to be a good host. You know, here are some snacks, some water, and by the way, if you move that picture, there's a camera mount. on the wall, feel free to help yourself. When I wanted to learn how to start doing YouTube videos, I needed to learn video editing. What better way to learn a new skill than watching people fuck, right? I told a friend about this to get his input, and he has a decade and a half of experience in the lifestyle. His take is that it is certainly more prevalent now than when they started, and it's likely due to the quality of smartphone cameras. Oh, I'm going to say this. I will say camera alone. when we all really know I mean a fucking smartphone. Still going to say camera because there might be like one person out there with one of those old VHS cameras and they have a fetish for grainy video. Since everyone has a modern 4k camera in their pocket, yes, there is a temptation to ask others if we can make a video recording of what we do or at a minimum take spicy pictures. Temptation is the key word. People want to do it. They are tempted to do it. Does not mean they can do it without consent. Does not mean it should ever be assumed that recording is okay. Like everything else in the lifestyle, there needs to be consent. Consent to be recorded is different than consent to have sex. There's a big distinction there that I'm working towards. And there's another distinction that there needs to be a line drawn. I'm not talking about content meant for distribution on platforms like Pornhub or OnlyFans. I know OFCreators and they have their own way of doing things and I respect it. They put a lot of work into their video productions worrying about angles and specifics versus the average swinger who just wants to watch a video and touch themselves. To OnlyFans credit, everyone who appears in a video must sign a release form and produce an ID. It is not easy to make a video and just throw it up on a legitimate streaming site. There is a process that exists ideally in a perfect world to protect people from having their home movies uploaded to these sites. And yes, I know it is not perfect. I know it can be cheated and there are horror stories, but in theory, it exists. Home movies. That's what I'm talking about. Amateur smut shot on a smartphone in a poorly lit room full of heavy breathing. The kind of stuff that used to be put on VHS tapes by good and upstanding folks, and then hidden way the hell in the back of the closet never to see the light of day, with a label on there like Jurassic Park Director's Cut or something. Or even worse, VHS tapes with no label. Ugh. So many questions that should not be answered by putting that fucking tape into that fucking VCR. A good rule of thumb, if you find a mysterious VHS tape in your parents' house, throw it away. Just junk the bitch. Yes, it could be a baseball game from 1994, or it could not be. Don't risk it. Home Movies. Videos made for personal use. Assuming the full consent of everyone involved. Because consent is the biggest issue here. Please do not ask to film the fuckery when I am inches away from glory. Do not ask to film after the fuckery starts and I am no longer capable of rational thought. Totally fine a person wants to record. I am usually cool with that depending on how sexy I am feeling that day. Just ask ahead of time. And I can't say when is the right time to do it. when the wrong fucking time is. If you're going to ask, be clear in what you're asking for. Be direct. Hey, I would like to record what we are planning on doing tonight as everyone on board. Any concerns? Simple questions. People may say yes or no, or they may ask clarifying questions. That is their choice, and they need space to make that choice freely and without pressure. So, what are some of the clarifying questions that should be asked? A good one is, who would be doing the filming. I can say from experience, it is a right bitch to film stuff and fuck and then reposition the camera for a better angle. But if one person is a camera person, then they may not be participating as much, which could also be an issue. People can take turns. That's good. My shitty opinion is, if someone wants the video, then they get to record the video while other people are busy. More questions, just to think about. What exactly are we filming? Is it just like a girl and girl thing? Is it going to be the whole session? When can I expect the camera to turn off? Maybe a woman doesn't want her orgasm sneer recorded on video. Are we recording the whole two-hour session of shenanigans or is there like just a single shot this person really wants? That's just like logistics. Let's get to the juicy bits. Is everyone consenting enthusiastically? This applies to sex and applies doubly to being recorded while having sex with a person they are not married to. If anyone is hesitant, don't do it. Just drop it, please. They may only be saying yes to please the other three or nine people in the room. Always better to err on the side of caution than participation. Those are the questions to ask the horny person who wants the video. There needs to be some soul searching going on internally and with your spouse. Is there trust? Big one right here. Do both of you trust the other party to keep that video safe and secure, never to see the Do you trust them enough to allow them to retain a recording of your husband dick deep in another woman or your wife being spit-roasted by two dudes high-fiving? That is called an Eiffel Tower, by the way, and it requires a lot of coordination. This is my biggest issue with recordings, figuring out the trust component. I do not recommend. At the fuck all. Everty. Recording with one-night stands, fly-by dates, sexual tourists to come into town for one night and then bounce never to be spoken to again. There needs to be a high level of trust between the participants and anyone else who may receive the video. Rather normal thing in the lifestyle for husbands to want to watch their wives doing fun, sexy stuff with other men. Cool. That's three people right there who are involved, who are either being recorded or they're going to watch it. If you throw in another wife, that's four. Maybe it's a big orgy, right? I dare say, look, about the orgy thing. If I'm doing something in a group activity, if I see someone pull out a smart phone during an orgy that I am participating in. I do not care what my dick is doing. At that moment, we're going to have fucking words immediately. Once a video is made and it is saved to the cloud, it is no longer yours. That sexual session is no longer the private domain of anyone. It's out there. And the only thing keeping us secure is hope and the prayer that the other person has a strong password of at least like 20 characters. Something stopping the local PTA from finding out you fuck someone else's wife is, ha ha, trust. Yes, this question has come up with one night stands for us, and I told them no. Just no. They asked, I looked at my wife, we did that mental talky thing that we do, and I told them no. We still had sex. If you were worried that saying no to being recorded will kill the vibe, let's look at it, let's share this. If saying no to being recorded kills the vibe ain't fucking worth it. A no is a no. If someone else doesn't like hearing no, that's their fucking problem. If hearing a no upsets them and they want to stop because you don't want to create a permanent record of fucking them, time to get dressed. Most people, I have found, will shrug it off. When I have said no to being recorded, I said it because I didn't feel comfortable and my wife did not feel comfortable, which is a wild idea. I know that we are willing to have but don't trust them enough to make a video with them no the lifestyle does not make any sense and i never said it did for the times that i may or may not have consented to be in a video i trusted the other people involved i know them i knew them for a long time before this came up and they can trust me it should be common courtesy to share the video with everyone involved and that needs to be established before the camera comes out like sure we can record this but I want a copy. Hopefully, I've illustrated that asking, hey, can I record this while naked and horny is fucking horrible. Way too many variables to properly consider with the horny brain. Ask ahead of time. Give people time to consider the question without pressure and ask because I might have, hey, two or three tripods and ring lights and more fucking cameras to capture B-roll in better angles. Benefit of knowing a dude that does YouTube videos. Oh yeah, I started doing YouTube videos again. The target audience for this podcast that you're listening to are those in the lifestyle. I don't cater much to the vanillas here. The YouTube videos, that's the vanilla shit. That's explaining, sharing, trying to de-stigmatize the lifestyle to the general population. The channel is called That of the Lifestyle. See, it lines up with a name. And I humbly ask, everyone, go watch the videos and give me a thumbs up so we can just fuck with that algorithm. If you are lucky enough to make a video with a couple or a person or a group of people, never ever for any reason on this planet share that video with another soul who is not in that room. That is a betrayal of trust and I hope I made someone's butthole pucker up when I said that because I know people who are fucking guilty of this. I had a dude show me videos of them fucking a woman that I had never met before. Don't do that. That is shitty behavior. I felt bad for the woman in the video. was done with that video, how it is retained, and how long. This leads even more credence to only filming with people you trust and plan on having a long-term connection with. And that, let's talk about storage and long-term considerations. Yes, you may be friends in air quotes with a couple today, but what the fuck happens when all that sours and they disappear from the lifestyle next week? They are gone to the wind, and with it, a video of you going airtight on a Friday night. The shit happens. Is there any recourse in this situation? Not fucking really. Not without getting people involved that we would rather not get involved in this. Another variable? A lot of things to think about when you're horny and have a hard-on and people are asking to record shit. Another variable to consider. That video, it exists. It will exist forever. Are you comfortable with that? Yes, you can request that they delete it. They could say they deleted it. How do you confirm that? that. You can't. You could watch a motherfucker delete it from their library in their phone in front of you and that sneaky bastard could have it saved on his computer hard drive. It's forever. And we hope that it never escapes. Like I said, legit porn sites, they do have verification and systems in place or at least that's what they tell people. Illegitimate porn sites do fucking not. They will scrape videos from Reddit, load the videos onto a server in Bosnia or Cyprus. That video is out there forever on the internet. And yet, you could fight it with a lawyer who speaks Bosnian and money. More shit I don't want to think about with a hard-on. Because really, the moment a camera shows up in a room, the whole vibe changes. Suddenly, it goes from four people just fucking away to performance. Not everyone can perform. Some people perform too much. Some people love being on camera, and others cringe and hate it. I will admit, I was very self-conscious the first time I was on camera. My wife wanted to contribute By the way, this tip to the episode, don't look at the camera. Don't look at the camera. Pretend it is not there, which can be hard if the camera person wants like a super close-up. I think it should be an established rule, only two super close-ups per session after that just back up and out of the way. I may start flailing for balance at some point. And my wife's other tip, just the tip, make sure it is actually recording. Learn this one the hard way. one of the best sex sessions ever. Knew we wanted to save this for future generations and someone who shall not be named, uh-huh, wasn't me, forgot to hit record. Anyway, the vibe. The vibe can't change in a room. Maybe good, maybe not. Be aware of that. Be aware of the vibe. Stay plugged into others. And if the energy does shift, if you notice it, if a person becomes uncomfortable, just stop. Put it down. If that person is uncomfortable for any reason, one, you kind of get into like shiesty territory, and then two, if they're uncomfortable, it's going to come across in the final video and it's going to be super fucking awkward when you watch it later. Anyone at any time can veto recording. The same rules that we honor for sex also apply for consent to record, but they're not the same. to recording. I guess they could also consent to recording and not sex, but then you just have a really boring video. The difference between sex consent and recording consent is that recording consent should never be assumed. It should be asked each time. Sexual consent, it can be established. Blanket consent is a thing. Reinforced with time to the point that no, there does not need to be a full consent conversation every single time there is sex. Still get to have that and check in with even with long-term friends. I generally know which of my friends are really cool with fucking me when we hang out. I would never assume though that they are cool with being filmed. I would never assume that any sexual consent we have established extends to being recorded. Every time a camera is pulled out, there should be a question asked if the events that are about to transpire, fucking like horny hurricanes here, can be filmed. Every time. That other couple could have said, Yes to being recorded 10 times before. They still need to be asked this time. It is their right and their ability and it should be respected. And keep in mind with filming, everything has the potential to be captured on video. This includes the room, noises, sounds, voices, names, and identifying marks like tattoos. There's an interesting nexus point between people who really want to be filmed having sex but don't want to have their faces recorded. sexy videos, but they're apprehensive about fucking on camera for fear about the video leaking. Good news, masks exist, tattoo-covering makeup exist, or the ever-popular only shoot angles that don't involve faces. People have built whole OnlyFans channels and never shown their faces. Modern problems require modern solutions. Oh, spinning back to a previous point, when I say everyone in the room, I mean everyone in the room has to consider Let's say you have three couples. Couple one and couple two regularly fucking film their sessions. Now, couple three is in the mix. Couple one asks to film. Couple two says yes. Couple three does not say yes. That means no filming, motherfuckers. Not everyone in the room consented and one couple does not have the authority to agree to filming on behalf of anyone else. I wish I didn't have to talk about this, but here we are and here we are. I go. Sneaky recording without permission. I haven't heard of this explicitly, but hey, let's at least look at it. Sneaky recording. This is bad. People should not do this. I hope people don't do this, but there are shitty people in this world I know who do shitty things. I really don't even know how to approach this because it is so shitty. If a person gets the bright idea to record other people without their knowledge, one, it is very illegal, and two, they are very bad people who should not be in the lifestyle. And it is. It's like a step up from pick collectors. It changes the dynamic of wanting to record video from this turns us on to I like collecting bodies on my phone. Big difference. Big energy shift. And this is another reason trust is so important between couples that may film their fuckery. I'm not saying this is bad. Wanting to film what we do is not bad. It's kind of fun. I've heard static from people who strongly disagree with videotaping, recording anything. They have these uppity opinions of anyone who wants to record that, you know, accuse them of being aspiring porn stars. We don't hang out with them anymore. Wanting to film is fine by me. It may not be for everyone, and we can all make a personal judgment on our comfort level. It may come up, so couples should definitely add this to a list of things they talk about during long road trips and personal comfort levels with them. now. Filming can be fun. People have lots of reasons for doing this, from the benign to the sexy. Memory, ego, arousal, long-distance re-watching, husbands watching their wives in action, couples wanting to watch themselves. All totally cool. In the lifestyle, we often joke that swapping is like watching a porno in person with our favorite actors, and a step beyond that is watching a video of our favorite people fucking. way too close to my dick while I'm inside his wife. Establish who's going to be the camera person. My simple response to this, like I said earlier, whoever wants the video, you're doing the work. If they want to record, they get to do the work. I am busy. I'm not a big watcher of porn or video, so it's never high on my list to acquire. It takes a special video for me to go, yup, on a random Tuesday afternoon sitting at my desk. I need to go back and rewatch that right now to savor that memory. If someone else wants to do this, they can do the work. Or we have tripods. Establish when filming starts and stops. Are we catching the awkward banter that happens before sex? What about clothes coming off? As my wife puts it, no one looks sexy taking off a pair of jeans, so skip the undressing. Now, I do have a personal dream of filming a video of the plot and lines and stuff, but that can wait. I have another dream that involves I have a bucket list fantasy that involves a kiddie pool and a gallon of lube. That can wait. Filming should stop when the action stops. No one wants to see four people sitting around naked talking about restaurants and fishing. I live for that naked rock conversation, but it is probably not that fun to watch. Lighting matters. Not a lot. Have enough light to see what's going on. It does not need to look like a film set. And turn off the flashlight on the phone for fuck's sake. Just quick tips that cross my mind. Put the phone on airplane mode so there's no distractions or text messages. You do not want to accidentally agree to a FaceTime call with the wrong person at the wrong time. If you can, turn off AutoCloud Backup for your photos and videos if possible. This ensures that the video does not leave the phone until everyone has reviewed it. Clean the lens. Oh, and audio. Decide about the audio. Breathing is sexy right in the ear, but it may not translate well to long form video. Oh, I have to tell you this. If you want to learn if you breathe weird during sex, film it. Then you realize that you do breathe weird and you get self-conscious about your breathing for a few months. It happened to me. Not that I filmed it, but someone told me. Someone told me that I breathe weird during sex. Look, I'm doing some heavy fucking cardio. Yes, I will breathe hard because I am pushing a standard sized dick at 100 strokes a minute. with 200 pounds of bustle. Yes, I will fucking breathe as hard as I want. I am so sorry that all these other dudes that this lady was with have controlled meditative oxygen when they have sex. Oh yeah, that fucked up my head for months. I breathe weird. If someone expresses the desire to film a session, then the session is about filming, making a decent video. It does detract from the pure frantic fucking energy, but everyone is contributing to making art, so that's pretty cool. This way people know what the video looks like, what it presents, whether or not they're breathing weird, and it's also a safety check. There's one copy of that video in existence. If anyone has regrets or wants to revoke consent, now is the time. We know there's only one copy of the video in existence and it can be deleted. I know that is not foolproof. Fucking cybersecurity nerds out there are going to correct me. It's the best I got. Yeah, video recording. It can be really hot. It's fucking sexy. There are concerns, but nothing that can be overcome with a decent question, good conversation, and willing, trusted friends. Bit of housekeeping for everyone. I mentioned it earlier, I updated my website. Glory and Hallelujah, finally! I finally sat the fuck down and did it, and it looks better. Go take a look, thatofthelifestyle.com. I now have links to buy tickets for all of the events that I'm going to do. that I talk about. Risqué, Sultry Spirits, and there is an insane Mardi Gras 2028 Blitz Cruise and Hotel Takeover in New Orleans, Louisiana, February 2028. It is fucking insane. I'm going to do a special mini-episode about that. I am working on a novel. I will drop the first chapter on my Patreon for anyone interested probably next week. And you know the stories that I do, the novel. They're going to be all a part of this larger interconnected narrative about lifestyle, about the lifestyle, because that's how the lifestyle really is. It's a bunch of interconnected stories. The same couples show up in different roles. The same people make the same mistakes or different mistakes. There's passion and fights and fire and arguments, drama and feelings and emotions. There's also sex, lots of sex. I will write the sex. Good sex, bad sex, weird sex that makes you regret where you put your pecker after. I also started doing YouTube videos again like I mentioned but oh Jason you said you had big plans last year and da well last year fucking sucked so I get a pass on that the difference is now I'm unemployed with all this fucking time on my hands and I'm in the mood to create shit creating content keeps you busy and out of an existential crisis of not having a job this weekend yeah tomorrow May 1st My wife and I will be at Luminous in Fort Walton Beach, Florida. Tickets are available at RiskeLifestyleParties.com. By the time you listen to this, we will probably already be there looking fabulous as always at the glow party. She dresses me and I put on whatever outfit she hands me. Come party with us. Come say hi. Riske is so hard to describe. You just have to experience it for yourself. Thank you for listening and tuning in every week. Make sure you tell a friend about the show. Thank you to the love of my life. life, my wife, who is on this wonderful lifestyle journey with me. Thank you to my patrons, Jen and Chris and Kristen. You are amazing, wonderful people, and I appreciate you so much. If you want to support the show directly, get bonus content, writings, ramblings, and musings, something to make you smile, join me at patreon.com slash thatofthelifestyle. If you want to reach out, ask me a question, suggest a topic, send me an email to host at thatofthelifestyle.com. My personal disclaimer, I am not a medical professional nor a trained and certified educator of any kind in any way. I'm a guy with a microphone sharing my personal experiences with you. This podcast is for entertainment purposes only and please join us for the next episode. Go to stdhero.com, use my promo code TOL15 for 15% off your order and get tested. Whatever you may do today or tonight, I hope you do it with enthusiasm, consent, curiosity, and a little bit of spice. You are appreciated, loved, and I will see you for the next episode.