Let's talk to the Flirty Pineapples

Transcript

Speaker1: Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. Wherever you are, I hope you have blue skies, a breeze on your back, and sand between your toes. Welcome to the Other Lifestyle Podcast. I am your host, Jason. Leave Vanilla behind as we hang out with some really cool people today. This show is for adults only. We will talk about sex, relationships, the lifestyle, and ethical non-monogamy in an honest way with lots of real talk. If you're under 18, this is your only warning to get the hell out and go find a different show. Around here on the beaches of sexual freedom, consent, education, and good times, everyone is welcome, lifestyle, vanilla, or the curious. Whatever your gender identity, expression, truth, flavor, you are welcome here. I do my best to use inclusive language, though you may hear words like husband or wife or man or woman just to keep things simple. You want to connect, you can send me an email to host at thatotherlifestyle.com, go to my website thatotherlifestyle.com, And go to stdhero.com. Use my promo code TOL15 for 15% off your order. Testing takes a community to make a difference, so go get STI tested and be safe out there. Today, I am very excited to be joined by some old friends. We have the lovely, the beautiful, she is so wonderful, Bella, and her wonderful, talented, equally as sexy husband, Prescott. Thank y'all so much for joining me today. Hey. Hello. Jason. Thank you. Thank you very much. So for everybody who out there in listening land, we're just doing audio, but we are on Zoom call. And it's funny because Bella and Prescott got on my Zoom call and we have our cameras on and they just look amazing. They're so put together. Bella, every single time I have hung out with her, she is just radiant. She is put together. And then Prescott just has this sexy swagger to him right now. Well, on the camera, they're both embodying these wonderful qualities, and I am sitting here in my gym shirt. Which is hot, too. I mean, you pull off the gym shirt. You pull it off. Well, as I said when he said that before, as if I had arms and shoulders like his, I would be wearing no shirt. Oh, thank you. Thank you. These compliments, they're wonderful. Keep them coming. I'm covered up a lot. There's a reason why that. There's a reason why I'm covered. So, just to tell everybody the story, met Bella and Prescott. A few months ago, we met, oh, actually we met last year, but the first time we actually hung out in person. That's the wild thing about the lifestyle and content and all the things we do. We may meet each other and talk, but you don't see each other in person. And we actually, the first time we met in person was at Naughty New Orleans. We were hanging out with the STD Hero crew. And we were both there as brand ambassadors, working the booth. So if you were at Naughty, you probably saw all three of us hanging out, working, together. Bella, I still remember you wore this costume one night. It was a superhero costume. It was white, pleather, and it was just smashing the whole night. I was like, I want to touch it. I want to touch it. And I think you did. I think I did. And you had the cape and everything and these boots. They were like, what, six-inch boots? So we were eye-to-eye, which is freaky to me. I totally appreciate that. Thank you so much for hanging out with me. This is the first time on the show. So for our audience out there, I guess we need to do intros. So tell everybody a little bit about yourselves. Okay. So I am Bella. I am a retired sex therapist. I was a sex therapist and a family therapist, and then I transitioned into being a clinical supervisor for like a decade before I ended up retiring in 2020, about. And then I started exploring lifestyle stuff and developing my skills in the lifestyle. And as we got to know the lifestyle and we implemented a bunch of different strategies that I knew from my work before, we started figuring out that we kind of liked the idea of mentoring other people and teaching other people. So a big piece for me was when we got started in the lifestyle, I had struggled before that with a lot of jealousy. issues, a lot of insecurities, mainly insecurities, that would lead to jealousy. And I knew that I wanted to be in the lifestyle. I knew that I really wanted to be with girls, and my husband wanted me to be able to be with girls, but I wanted him to be with the hot girls with me, which meant I needed to get over myself. So I created a jealousy course, which I went through over the course of about a year, and now literally jealousy is almost like forgotten to me, which is incredible and also just, like, disappointing for me because I spent so many years dealing with it when if I had just done the work, I wouldn't have had to spend all those years dealing with that. So then we started talking to a lot of people about it and people are like, I need that too. I need that too. And then I was like, well, yeah, maybe I could start some sort of social media presence and maybe I could educate people about the things that I'm doing. And so it developed from there. And then my trusty husband came along for the ride. But you can tell me more about you. I'm the trusty husband. Hi. Hi, trusty husband. That I have a business card. That's what it says. So yeah, I'm just Prescott and her nerdy husband. We're kind of just partners in crime with some of this stuff. I mean, obviously, Bella, given her background in therapy and sexuality, it was a perfect match to basically do what she's been up to, which is the education part of it. And we've had enough experiences. We've been doing this now for, what, five years? Is it five or six years we've been doing this? Yeah. So being a partner with Bella basically guarantees that I'm going to do a lot of talking. A lot of this is going to rub off. And I've got my own journey that we talk about as well. So I try to give kind of the husband or male perspective on some of this stuff as it relates to our relationship, but also then kind of globalizing that with other people. That's it. Because we are very, very similar in a lot of ways. We have similar desires and interests and attractions. However, our personalities are very different. I speak out everything that I'm feeling pretty quickly and I understand my feelings really quickly and he takes a little bit longer to like process his feelings and figure out what he's thinking and feeling about things however on the flip side I was very insecure and had a lot of things to deal with and he had never experienced a moment of jealousy or insecurity ever until we got into a lifestyle so he had his very first experience with that in the lifestyle which was a surprise to both of us like we didn't see it coming and and it was it it brought us a lot closer but it it also scared us so it was like a really interesting experience to have so we have very different personalities and yet a lot of similarities and we try to share things from both of our perspectives i love the shot the maturity that now i imagine when it happened you both just stood back just like wait a minute wait a minute that's jealousy i felt a thing That's what that thing is. Yeah. And it took him a while to recognize it for what it was. It took it like he just knew that he felt bad. Yeah. Like that he felt really bad and he didn't like it. He didn't want to keep feeling that way. And then when he started sharing it, I was like, I don't want you to feel that way. I don't know if I want to do lifestyle anymore. Like we should quit. Well, I think that, I mean, it, it took a while. Um, I mean, it was kind of a feeling that I wasn't very familiar with. Right. So, um, and I am, more in my head than Bella. And so, and when it comes to emotions, sometimes I, obviously it's pretty typical. I might feel all the range of emotions, but I need to process it just to figure out what am I feeling? And that was a strange feeling enough that it took me a little while to really put my finger on it. And honestly, not, and to accept it, I think was a big part of it. It wasn't even that I had to figure out that it was jealousy. Before, I knew that the, that I thought that's what it was, but I didn't, and a part of me wanted to admit to it. I was, I was embarrassed of it. Yes. I was embarrassed to feel jealous. And I was not used to feeling that way. And I didn't like it. It made me very uncomfortable. So I almost just didn't want to admit to myself that that's what I was feeling. Um, until I finally, until I finally did. And I, I wish the only thing I could say about that is I wish I had done it sooner. I get that. I totally get that. Cause it is part of the dogma of the lifestyle. And that's something I want to dive into on my show. Another episode somewhere, somewhere down the road. There is this dogma to the lifestyle that, okay, you can't feel this emotion. And you're not supposed to feel this emotion. And then you have shame around feeling the emotion. Then you want to name it something else so that it's not actually the thing you think that you're feeling. So totally understand that. Especially for someone who's never felt jealousy before to have this brand new sensation, emotion sensation, just pop up that you're completely unfamiliar with. And I see it too as like compersion. Whenever a couple feels compersion for the first time in a sexual situation, that's a brand new sensation. They may not have a word for. Some people may not react positively to this brand new sensation. Or they might be confused by it or feel guilty about it. I have had so many people contact me and say, is it wrong that I feel so excited about this? that I experience so much joy when I see my partner with somebody else because they've been trained throughout life. Yeah, we've been socialized that way, that this is like the be-all, end-all, the worst thing that could possibly happen in your life, and that you should, and in some ways, through, again, socialization, they make it seem as if it's the most natural state is to be mad as hell about it and to fight this. They never let this happen. And that if you were to feel that way, that these people like to be excited about it, that there's somehow some kind of flaw in your system. Right. And my new thing is the vanilla world does a shitty job of preparing us for the emotions of the lifestyle. Oh, yeah. For sure. Just a horrible job. For sure. And even kind of a shitty job of preparing us for monogamy. Yeah. Like, there's this idea that you meet your perfect match. And because they're your perfect match, it's just going to be amazing. And it should be easy and everything else. And then you transition into, oh my gosh, marriage is the hardest thing ever. Well, it's neither. It's not the easiest thing ever. And it shouldn't feel like the hardest thing ever either. But you do have to put effort into it. Right. It's a constant. You do need these foundational skills, no matter what your relationship structure is, whether it's polyamory or some form of ethical non-monogamy or swing being a swinger or monogamy. And we were lucky, going back a little bit, how we kind of started this whole journey. We, I won't give all the backstory, but we came to this where it was like, okay, this is something we wanted to explore. And just as we were like, okay, let's take the first step. And the first step was actually a diving headfirst into it by booking the Bliss Cruise. It was the first thing we were going to do, right? Literally, we started talking about it. And the first thing we found was Bliss Cruise. And I was like, let's book it because I don't know if you are familiar with the Enneagram. Are you? No, tell me more. Our audience may not know. It's a world, it's like a personality inventory or a worldview inventory. And when you look it up after, I'll give you some resources. When you look it up after this, I'm a type seven. And when you read about type seven, you're going to totally understand. I was like, yeah, that sounds amazing. Let's do it. Let's book it right now. And then after we booked it, I was like, oh, wait, I'm insecure. How is this going to work? Maybe I should think about all of the different potential ramifications before we jump on this cruise. But then COVID hit. COVID hit. And so if I hate to say there's any silver lining, if there's any silver lining for us with COVID, which it was awfully. It was horrible. Obviously horrible. Right. But it did put it off, which. gave us a good year of just talking about this stuff, which was working through a lot of the different issues that may come up. And it was an exercise. Go ahead. I created the what-if game during that time. So we would go on walks every day because we have four kids, and all the kids were in the house except for one. And so we had a packed house. And then we also had a friend living with us because she was single, and she didn't have anyone to be with, and she was lonely. So we're like, okay, it's a start of COVID. just come and stay with us now so we had oh and we had a foster kid yeah we had so much going on we're packed it was those walks were freedom those walks we looked forward to have adult conversations it was amazing it was like going it was like going on a date sometimes we'd go drive around we'd get we'd actually like shower get dressed and look nice and everything and just drive around like we were on a date yeah and get maybe we can't know where we yeah we just know where to go just right yeah we just go have sex in the corn We went parking sometimes. It was great. But what was the point? Well, the bottom line is you did the what if game. So we would do all these hypotheticals. We would go on these walks and say, what if this happens? What if that happens? How are you going to feel about this? How are you going to feel about that? So we basically, I call it like, you know, not only did we do over that stuff, but we faced a lot of different fears. You know, I think about the Peter Gabriel song, Digging in the Dirt. We were digging in the dirt, right? We went places. We got messy. Even though, you know, Bella being a therapist and all, that we talked about shit a lot, right? And we were no stranger to that. However, there were still, you know, there were still landmines. There were still places that we didn't want to go, that we weren't, you know, comfortable saying or were afraid to hurt each other's feelings, all that kind of stuff. There were still places that we did not tread. And during that period, we tread all over that shit. And we dug in and we told each other that no matter what, even if we think we're going to, you know, hurt the other person's feelings, we are going to be honest, brutally honest if we have to be. And we don't have to say it in a brutal fashion. No, no. We don't want to hide anything. Well, because for me, I was like, he's always so nice. Like, he's always worried about my feelings and tender with me. And I love that. But I was like, I don't, as much as I love that, it makes me feel like I can't trust you in this situation with the lifestyle because I need you to be able to say how you really feel, even if you think it might make me feel insecure, even if you think it might make me feel scared, because that's what's going to make me feel safe. If you say, she's really hot and I really want to fuck her, that is not going to make me feel insecure. If you're like, yeah, whatever. Like, if you like her, whatever, I'm not going to like that because I know you have eyeballs and I know you think she's hot. So just like say what you really, really think. And then I know that I'm going to feel safe and secure because we don't, we are not polyamorous. We are not interested in sharing each other's hearts. And if you can't tell me that you find this girl really hot and you want to be with her, my concern was that he'd be like talking about me with girls all the time. And he'd be like, do you want to be with her? And then he'd shit the phone. Kind of a manipulation, yeah. Instead of talking about him. Oh, that's good. And I'm like, no, it's not just about me. It's about you, too. And I want you to tell me what you feel. Yes. Not what you think I feel. So we had to work through that. Yeah. And I think that was a bit challenging. It was. Well, it was challenging because it was, like, just even still hearing you say that, like, that girl looks really hot and I want to fuck her. For me to say that to you, we've been together for 20 years, right? And, you know, as a, as a in this couple, which we had been in the majority of that time, obviously, 16 years, that, you know, you have certain boundaries and things. Just being able to say those things is weird. It's in some ways liberating, right? It is liberating, but I agree. It feels weird. It can feel weird. It feels weird, right? It's naughty, I'm almost saying it, but to have those kind of conversations, it was difficult to, but also there was a safety knowing that when I would say things, and I did say things, I think that hurt your feelings too, but we talked about it. through it. And you said things to me that I wasn't sure about. But those things, you know, we worked through them. We talked through them. I've said this, you know, really did make our relationship even stronger. I didn't really think that our relationship could get much stronger. I thought it was like we were, you know, firing on all cylinders. But that's also not thinking about the things that we didn't, that we don't talk about, that we don't discuss, right? But after going through that exercise, really, for over a year, not only with all the work that Bella did with jealousy and everything. Which I corralled him and made him do with me. Which I did, right? Yeah. Do the workbook. But there was like, there were some things I'm like, I need you too. So I'm going to do all my independent work, but there are some things that I need you to feel for me. Yeah. It made our relationship even stronger, which I know that so many people outside of the life people in lifestyle get that outside the lifestyle um just as i used to think outside the lifestyle that that was kind of bullshit that you know that uh you know come on you just want to have sex with other people you know you're just trying to rationalize the rationalize cheating cheating and everything else anyway um yeah exactly why did you get married in the first place and all that kind of stuff whatever and you're all just lying to yourselves and um but it it really is true. I was wrong. Going through all of that and being where we are now, our relationship is not only stronger than it was before, but without, it's weird to say, but without the whole E&M, our relationship wouldn't be as strong as it is today. I agree. Because now I believe him. Like before, I always felt like he was always taking care of me. Like he was being very tender and not saying what he actually thought. for fear of offending me. And I was like, I would always think, or sometimes I would say, but I know you're a human. Like, you're a human. That's why I'm asking this. And you're married to a therapist. I mean, come on, they know the brain. They know the brain tricks. Yeah. And I'm like, you're not getting away with this. So then every time he would say something real about something he wanted with another woman or something that he found really attractive with another woman, it built my trust in him that he would say the hard things. And it made me feel... Because my biggest worry was we knew we had a good relationship. Like, we have lots of friends with relationships. So we see relationships all the time. And we knew that our relationship was exceptional. And we didn't want to fuck it up over some fun. Something that might be fun one day. I get that. Yeah. There was a lot at risk, you know, when you do that. When you've got a great relationship and... you don't know exactly you don't know until you're in the situations how you're really going to react we played the game of what ifs and we did all the hypotheticals and everything but really until you're in that spot yeah and i tell and i tell people look you're not going to know how you're going to react until you see your wife get dicked down by another man you just don't know and some you know it it's it's a real raw experience that first time how are you going to handle this and i always tell people Well, I was just going to say, Mike Tyson, everyone's got a plan until they get punched in the face. That's my attitude. I screwed up because I did not ask for your socials and where people can find you online when we started. We just started talking and went down this great conversation. We just blew right into it. Yeah, we just blew right into it. We are the flirty pineapple. Yeah, we are the flirty pineapple. We didn't even say that yet, did we? No. We're the flirty pineapple. The Flirty Pineapples. Yes, correct. Also, our podcast is The Unexpected Us. We have a couple episodes out. I think they're just on YouTube right now. I think the two that are out are Bella's Journey and My Journey. We talk a lot about this more in detail. And our origin story. But we have more coming out. We have a distributor, so it's going to start going out to more platforms and all that kind of stuff in the next few weeks, hopefully. That's who we are. Where else? On Instagram? The Flirty Pineapples on Instagram. And then on SDC, we are the Flirty Pineapples, but our group is the new Flirty Pineapples. Ooh. And the new Flirty Pineapples. SDC.com. Yeah. on the dating app so if y'all want to find out more that's a great place to go to stc i we're on this i'm on that side as well that other lifestyle um and you have a group on there and you've been very active with the group posting all kinds of like really good advice i see it i see it every day and i read through like this is smart this is good stuff more people need to yes more people need to be aware of this like you're giving really good information about because that is i know when we started. It was a weird thing. It's like, oh, shit. I have to go make a dating profile. What the hell? And when I met my wife 20 years ago, I think Match.com and eHarmony were the only two dating platforms. Were you ever on them? I admit I was. Were you? Okay. We had never been on a dating yet. Oh, yeah. No. I completely missed Tinder. Whenever I saw Tinder on TV and people were talking about it, I was like, you lucky shits. You've had to sit with your phone. and just swipe. I had to put work into this. I had to write a bio back then. I had to meet people in person and go to places. Now you just have it on your phone. So I know for couples, especially in my generation, I'm in my 40s here, having to start a dating profile, having to figure out what to put on there, what kind of pictures, because I see a lot of picture faux pas. And we can get into all that stuff, but the content that you have, on your group is about making your profile better and making it using these dating sites to their full capabilities and all the different little nuances and features of them so i just i love the stuff that you're putting out it is very useful and i recommend people go check it out get on sdc.com and look for the new flirty pineapples group make sure you follow all of your posts yeah and you have a link for sdc right i have a link on my website you can go check um yeah the bottom of the page you can go Sign up for SDC through my website if you want to get started and all that. So, okay, let's talk about profiles because you seem to be a profile guru and I want to pick you right now. Let's talk about it together because I bet you've used a lot of the skills that we're talking about. It literally is just something that when you first get on a big dating app, so the biggest dating apps that I know of, Cassidy, SLS, and SDC, we've been on all of them. I've been on all of them too. Yeah, and our favorite by far is SDC. We were on SLS, and for us, it was challenging because it took so many different clicks to get different places. There are still a lot of people on there, so that's an option. And for us, between SDC and Cassidy, Cassidy is like, it felt more hardcore. It felt like a lot of super intense pictures and things like that. Close-ups. Lots of close-ups. Like, I'm going to see buttholes today. I'm getting on here. I'm going to see some buttholes. Yep. Exactly. A lot of DTF people on Cassidy, which is awesome if that's your vibe. It's not our vibe, really. So SDC, to us, felt like home when we got there. It just felt very comfortable. Lots of functionality. It was easy to navigate, which is important for us. Super important. Yeah, the interface is good. Yeah, and fast. and easy to keep track of everything, but also just like so many different ways to boost your profile and get more visibility, which we didn't know when we started and we didn't have any kind of coach. So it was literally like everything. I just did a challenge last month in or this month in November. I'm doing a challenge. It's about how to boost your profile. And it's funny because whenever I'm recording these reels, telling people different features that they can use. So many times I have a story of we use this feature and we were so excited because every time we used a new feature we were so excited yeah like and i mean people need to take event like speed dates travel calendars the groups um all these different ways to get more of this because that's part of the challenge is you want eyeballs on your profile but you want to have a good profile to start with you want to make sure that the profile you put out there is representative of you because i can't tell you how many times i see a profile and if you were one of these people listening to me right now go fix it where it's a couple and they both have emojis over their faces so i don't know what you look like and then they'll write in there like profile text pending or you know looking for fun and then you scroll down and it has no yeah physical information yeah they didn't do anything okay i don't know who the hell you are and i don't want to know because you're not putting effort and that's kind of what it feels like you're not putting effort into this why should i put effort And also, there's a certain window, right? When you're a quote-unquote new member and you show up on the new members tab, right? There's a certain point where you need to kind of strike while the iron's hot. You want to put your best foot forward immediately. You want to have your whole freaking thing filled out. You want to have a good representation. It's like, you know, I'd liken it to, you wouldn't set up a profile on LinkedIn or something, right? Where it's just half-assed, doesn't have your information, nothing. It doesn't have any background. It's just kind of a mess, right? It doesn't represent you well. Some people might. And they might. But, you know, the problem is, is then, like, we talk about eyeballs, right? And getting people to look at it. Now, you may have people look at it. However, if you don't represent yourself well, they're the wrong eyeballs, right? Right. You're going to have people responding to you that you're not interested in because you don't have the same play style. You may be bi and they're straight. Whatever it might be that isn't a good match. Okay, we need to have another episode in the future about how sales and marketing skills transfer to the lifestyle. We're going to talk for like hours about that. I hate to be that way, but it sounds like I feel like that. But that's exactly what it is because I know people who check the new members section on SDC every single day looking for new members for whatever reason. And you're right. That's like, you know, if you're brand new to all this, you want to have that profile done, ready to go, best representation of you, and make sure that you put a couple of different pictures. We're going to start with the pictures because I'm picturing the profile in my head. The pictures. My take is, yes, you can cover up your face, but you need to have multiple pictures up there of your full body. Yeah. And if you have to cover up your face for professional reasons or whatever, totally fine, but you should have an with face pics in it because have you i have talked to one person six years we've been on stc i have talked to one person ever that would go on a date with someone who they didn't see a face pick up would you i wouldn't know no way how do you think you're going to get how do you think you're going to get attention and go get a date the actual thing in person yeah if people don't know what you look like how do you even how do you even show up at a bar or whatever you're going to do and find each other well i'm wearing a red That whole thing. By the way, I have a pet peeve too. I totally, again, get it. Why people have to cover their faces. I understand that. However, putting a huge pumpkin head or whatever sticker graphic or whatever that just throws you off completely, I would highly recommend it against it. I mean, there's nothing wrong with blurring your face so you can see that kind of your hair or something. You still can't tell what you look like. or being a small yeah i've seen people do it where you can still i gotta say i'm a sucker for a nice smile right and so if i if i see a woman where you know her eyes are covered and everything else but i can see a smile that's going to pull me in that's going to make me want to click on it um and uh but minimize i guess cover your face to the minimal level that you cannot be reckoned that's a good way to put it right so and i i get why people want privacy but you have to remember for a like SDC. It discourages the looky-loos because you got to pay. You do have to pay to go on this site. So it's not just going to be like Facebook and your cousin Brenda is going to be just rolling along looking, you know. And my attitude is... The only caveat is that they do have the three-day free trial. But with a three-day free trial, those members only have access to the cover picture. So people complain about the cover pic and they're like, It has to be so conservative. That's not, like, that sucks. This is a sex site. We should be able to do whatever we want. Actually, what you should be saying is, thank you, SDC. You are protecting my privacy. So your first pick is the only pick that trial members can see. You can have whatever you want in the rest of the album, and the only picture they're going to see is your cover photo. Yes. Oh, I did not know that. Thank you. That's a good thing. That's a good tip to share out to people. Yeah. So talked about pictures, and And what's next? What's coming up next? I like what you said, by the way, is body shots. Body shots. I just want to come back to that. Yeah, I guess you didn't call it body shots. That's another meaning, too. But a good, you know, the super close-up of the asshole, that's, you know, that's cool. Whatever if you want. That's fine. Yeah, that's fine. Put that in your album. Yeah, put that in your album, whatever, private, whatever. Like, some of them, some of the pictures, you'll see 10 photos in there, and they're all extreme close-ups of someone's boobs, let's say. Yeah. And I'm all about boobs. Yeah, that's awesome. It does not give me a good sense of what you look like. No. And who you are and your body shape and all that other kind of good stuff. I want to see pictures of both spouses full body. Yes. If I don't see that, I'm going to keep walking. Yep. Right. 100%. Yeah. And the graphic pictures, there are some people that are super exhibitionist and they just want you to see. I don't mind that. I think it's totally fine to have those pictures and they can even be in a public album. but they should be not in your primary album so that someone can choose to click on that album and see it so like they're never going to flip and be like whoa because i cannot even tell you how many times we've been like there's a pecker yeah yeah and i love it or or pussy because i'm telling you close-ups of pussies like i and i love pussy like i love it but i do not need to see it like right up in my face when i don't know the person yeah i think you're flipping it's like Oh, that's a nice picture. It looks like they were probably at somebody's wedding. And this is, Oh my God. Right there. That escalates very quickly. I always tell people like there's so many times in the lifestyle. I have seen women's buttholes before I have heard their voices. That has happened. That's awesome. Go many times. That is hilarious. So I'll tell you a story. There's a one couple, we know this was a couple of years ago and we were kind of like in the same chat groups and saw them on STC and stuff. and never met him. And finally, one night we're at a friend's house and they came over and I looked at him and I was like, hey, I've seen your butthole. I was like, what? How do I know it's you? Let me see it. Let me see it. Prove it. Yeah. Prove your identity and over. So thinking next, profile text. This is one that just gets me. It's like, you have an opportunity here to say everything you need to about yourself, about what you're looking for. You can be specific. you can be as graphic as you want. Take advantage of the real estate that you have and not just looking for fun. Everybody is. That doesn't narrow it down for me. Right. Yeah. So our tips for people when they're writing their actual bio is to have two separate sections. One is about you and the other section is about what you're looking for. And the whole time that you're writing the entire bio, you should be thinking about what people are going to you when they reach out to you. If you hate those messages that are high or hay, it is your responsibility to give them something to talk about. Yes, give them a hook. Because in our bio, we talk about, I work out a lot. My wife loves theme parks in the 80s. There are things in there that if you read the bio, you can reach out and hook a conversation. Yes, yes. So if you're talking about what you genuinely enjoy doing these people should have an idea of the type of date they want to ask you on so if you love music festivals you just gave them a hint that if they say we're going to this amazing music festival in chicago next weekend you want to come we're probably going to say yes because we love music festivals that's awesome you like speakeasies do you like whiskey do you like whatever whatever it might be yeah oops yeah so you're you're constantly you're not just advertising your personality which I think some people shy away from that because they're like, this is not a vanilla dating app. I'm not trying to find someone to marry. You're still trying to find someone that's on your level. You're trying to find someone who's relatable and you're trying to make it easy for those people who relate to you to reach out to you. So think in terms of date hints. I did hear a tip a while back to have the spouses write the bio for each other. Yeah. So you would write one for your husband. He would write one for you because we're terrible at writing about ourselves. But our spouses will talk us up to the moon. Yeah. And I actually love that, except, this is my exception, except when one person writes it for both people. And you can tell. You can tell. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. When one person is like, when it's in one person's voice the entire time, and whenever we have seen this, typically the person who's writing it is way more flattering about themselves than the other person. And they've gotten more pictures. The very first picture and the second picture is of them. And the fifth and sixth and seventh. No, I do. I do try to balance out the pictures. If I have a group, you know, me and her together, then I'll have one of me, one of her. And it'll be an equal number of each of us. Because like you said, I have seen where it's just loaded one side with one spouse completely. And I don't know what the other one looks like. Yeah. And if you're a couple on there, I mean, you got to have both pictures. You can't just have a picture of one person. And we've seen that time and time again. And people even say in their bios, they have said, you know, that if you're reaching out to us and you don't have pictures of it, let's be honest, it's usually going to be the guy, right? They'll be putting in pictures of the female partner. But we will just kind of figure that... The other person's a troll. The other person's a troll are not worth putting in there. And that could very well not be the case, obviously. But what else are you going to think if you don't have a picture? We're making assumptions and moving on. Yep. I don't want to find out. Yeah. But in the reverse, there have been a few profiles where it is guy dominant, where it's almost all pictures of the guy. And then like, it's like the guy scantily clad. And then like a picture of the girl in her sweats. I don't think she wants to be there. That is not very flattering. Yeah. And what's your takeaway from that? Your takeaway from that is I'm pretty sure she may not even know she's on this. It feels very male-dominant. It feels very husband-dominant. Yeah. She may not even know. Doesn't feel balanced. Yeah. Yeah. So I know you had, there was something you posted the other day. What did you call it? The list. You posted a list of things about profile. What did you call it? I don't know. I don't know. Where did I post it? Oh, it was on SDC. I saw it. Your tips. We're drawing them. It was one of the just the tips. I don't know. I post so many tips. I don't know which one. I gotta say, you film so much stuff that goes on SDC for all that stuff. Your checklist. Your profile checklist. You have a checklist kind of here, though. This is about... You've got a few things. What are you doing now? I've been enjoying it. We're on the Zoom camera. I am noticing that Bella's outfit is just... It's like inching down. You got some serious side boob and I was... So distracting. I was like, this is awesome. But if we're not being filmed right now, and so I was able to just kind of stare at it. I'm staring at it. Instead of looking at you while you're talking, I've been staring at your side boob the entire time. I mean, just to share, Bella has this smile, right? He's been talking. I've not been looking at him in my Zoom camera. I've just been looking at her smile and her top. I will admit this because might as well. Right. And I totally get that. Well, the only thing that's covered with my top is my cleavage, though. Well, yeah. It's okay. It's okay. We didn't put together the rest of the picture. It's fine. It's fine. Okay. I know you had something. You had something on your tablet. Yeah. The checklist. It's just this list that you actually, you are going through it actually in order so far. Oh, my hell. Everything you brought up is in order of what I was going to talk about. So we are so insane. What is the next thing on your list? So another really good tip that I think some people don't know on SDC is to optimize your privacy settings. Okay. So you want to make sure that other people can see the activity on your profile. Your friends can see the activity on your profile. Oh, that's the thing where I find out like this couple is going to this event or these people are now friends with this. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And that's another big tip is that we have had different strategies. I don't know what your strategy is with your friend list, but we have cycled through different strategies. So when we first started in the lifestyle, it was COVID and we weren't like playing and immediately when we started. And so I'm going to admit my strategy with our friend list was if someone contacts me that has a hot cover photo, you're my friend. So it was my lookbook. It was just that shallow. Yes. It was literally just my Well, some people are weird about their friendless. Some people are like, well, we're only friends if we've met in person. She's like, that's cool, man. I'll only be a friend if I've met you in person. But not everybody has that same standard. So you can't go off of that. Because I have friends who are friends with people. And then I wonder, do you actually know these people? Or is it just Facebook rules? Yeah. So that's the thing that people need to understand is there's a difference between validations and friend requests. Validation means you had to meet the person. If you validated them, you had to have been able to reach out and touch their skin. You have met them in person. I want to clarify with validations because I have seen this attitude too. Just because someone is validated by another couple does not mean they had sex. That just means they're real. I'm saying this couple, and I have validated couples myself. I've met them. I've met them. I've hung out with them. I will vouch for you or you or other people that this couple is actually real and legit that is so that that's one of the things that we learned but um we needed to learn it no one really told us that that is so important in the lifestyle that is so important to have validations if you don't have validations out there then nobody knows nobody can trust that you're an actual person that you're not just some kind of catfish out there you got to get you got to get validations on there and in in a in a perfect world um you know It won't be a validation. It's kind of the boilerplate, the one that you use, like the template, thank you, that just says, I hereby, you know. I hereby certify that the profile from da-da-da is for real. Exactly. It's nice to put something personal in there. If you met them and, you know, thought they were, you know, fun and exciting and whatever and talkative, whatever it might be, put that in your statement about them. Give it a little personality kick. That's always helpful. But it also means that for real, you could really trust that even more. It's like kind of next level that you've met these people, that you've interacted with them, that they are for real. And then next level from that is if you've played with someone that you really dig, like you love their play style, you just love them as people, and you're hoping that you can meet other people like them, go to their profile, look at their validations, read their validations, and see if there's someone in there that describes them similarly to the way that you would describe. Because more than likely, that person has a similar mindset to yours. So then look at their profile, see if they're a play match, and then reach out to them because that could be another opportunity. I like that. As we're sitting here talking about profiles, I'm actually editing my profile on SDC. I was like, wait, let me go look at this thing so I know what we're talking about. I was like, oh, there's a typo. I need to fix that. Your cover photo is no longer an asshole. That's good. That's good. It is actually, our cover photo is actually a picture that you took when we were at Naughty. Really? Yes. We were out on the balcony. Are we friends? Are we friends on STC? I don't know. I have to go double check. How are we not? How are we going? No, our profile got changed to a business profile, so I don't know. But we should figure out if I can follow you. We definitely, yeah. We definitely need to do that. We're friends. I want to validate you. You know what? I think, though, our validations are gone, though, aren't they? Our validations are gone. Yeah, you know, we switched over to a business. We had so many wonderful, lovely validations from people that we've met. Some great people that gave us, I mean, really sweet validations. And unfortunately, we lost them all. But they're trying to get it back. The best validation I ever got was a couple said that I had porn star swagger. Ooh, nice. You do. That was some confidence right there. Holy shit. Oh, yeah. I hope we get ours back. Validation is super important. What else you got on there? Well, not just validations, but searching on your friends' profiles. And your friends' friends are a good resource list, but even more so, your friends' validations are a good resource. Yeah. So, have you posted speed dates? A couple over the years. We posted a couple of them. Mostly we do, when we add ourselves to events and parties and stuff, that's mostly what we're going. You're going to know we're there. People will see that we got added there. No, not really down to speed dates. I know about them. My friends use them all the time. It's just not something we personally take advantage of. That's a good tip that you just said, too. If you add yourself to a party guest list and then you can get into the group chat, that's a really great tip. But also, once you're on the guest list, exploring the other people on the guest list and seeing who's there, look at their profiles and touch base with them in advance. Because sometimes, especially for newbies, when you go to a new party, you feel really alone if you haven't built a network yet. So if you reach out to people ahead of time, at least, even if it's not a play match, most of the time, every once in a while, you'll get someone who's like, I'm not going to talk to you because you're not a play match. I don't want to have anything to do with that. But most of the time, people are like, I just, I want to make friends. And if something turns into play, that's great. It's nice to walk into a familiar face. So the guest list is good for that. It's good with the chats. But yeah, the first time we did a speed date, we were driving down to Florida. We go down to Fort Myers Beach in Florida several times a year. And we were driving down there for a longer trip that year. And we decided to try out the speed date function. And it was crazy. Yeah. Yeah. We were like, oh, let's just put it out there that, hey, we're going to be down here and, you know, we'd love to meet up with some people, possibly. And it was like a deluge of messages. And it was fantastic. Like, we ended up meeting some great people that we still keep in contact with. And some people just friends. Some people, you know, play friends, play partners. But it ended up being fantastic. And it's funny how it also increased our kind of our friends. Our network. Our network. There you go. Increased our network huge. It like doubled it in a matter of just a few days. And we had, I literally had to pull out a sheet of paper and start keeping track of everything because we had so many like fun dates set up. It was awesome. Oh, wow. Yeah, it was so, it was so fun. Yeah. Yeah, I would definitely use that. We've used that also before, even just in Chicago. We've kind of thrown it out there that we're going to, there's a place called the Lux here, which is outside of Chicago. Like, hey, we're going to go. It's kind of funny. It's not a play date. It doesn't kind of follow what you'd expect it would be when it comes to what this. A speed date. A speed date, this function is, because we're not really setting up a speed date. We're really just throwing it out there that, Hey, we're going to be at the Lux this night, whatever. We'd love to see some people. So if you guys are, you know, we'd love to meet some new people, whatever, come on out and people would contact us and show it. Our favorite night at the Lux, we've been to the Lux a lot, but our favorite night, I think one of our favorite nights was the first night that we did a speed date announcing that we were going there because so many people showed up and we did not. This is when we were new to the speed date function. So we showed up and we had no idea so many people were going to be there looking for us. and so many people were like oh my gosh thanks for inviting us so we were giving tours of a place that we had been to like maybe three or four times before we were separated yeah we were separated most of the night because like there's two sections of the of the lux is that there's a it's a big house and everything and then there's also a separate there's a pool and all this kind of stuff in the backyard but there's also a separate space where the outbuilding with dancing and all that good stuff and playrooms and everything so it's funny because we ended up being like the tour guides of the place. You know, you'd take them inside. I would show them the playrooms and everything else. It was as if we worked there. But we were there. But we felt a little bit responsible because a lot of people were like, yeah, this is our first time. We saw this play day thing. We thought, hey, why not? Let's show up and see what happens. Yeah, and see what happens. And so it ended up being a really fun night. We had a lot of fun people. That's awesome. And some friends that we, this was maybe four or five years ago, and we met some friends that are still some close friends. Yeah. and the lifestyle because of that event. It was really fun. You should do that again. Yeah, we should. That was really fun. What other tips do you have on your list? Do you, so have you, you mentioned the updating your travel plans. Have you ever changed your location? Do you have a separate location that you've changed? We, I don't do that, but I know people who do. I know there's all these things like, I know about it. I just, I just don't do it. But yeah, I do have friends who do that when they're traveling, you know, going to wherever. One couple I know, they went to Germany last year, and they were like, oh, yeah, we're going to be in this town for a night. Reach out to us and say hi. Yeah. Yep. And if you change your location, when people look at who's around and everything else, what's going on, you pop up on the radar that you were there. And so they'll pop up and be like, oh, my gosh, who's this? This is somebody totally new, especially if it's a smaller area. It's one thing to be in New York City or whatever where there's a ton of people. But when you go even to a smaller city, a lot of people, it's a bit incestuous. A lot of people know everybody from that small city where suddenly you pop up on their radar as somebody that's new and you get a lot of hits that way. So I see the other side of it because we live in a touristy area. So people will change the location to here whenever they travel over this way. Yeah. So you get to see them there. I get to see them here. I don't have to go anywhere. I just, they come to me. And then the STC travel calendar is, have you used that? We have. Yeah. We can use that. So you can actually see people pop up on the map when they're close by to where you are, which is really fun if they put themselves on there. Right. Yeah. I thought that was super cool when I learned about it. So that they just have so many. All of those things are different things that you can do to really raise the visibility on your profile and be more present and have more opportunities to meet people like single guys talk about how hard it is to meet people because so many people have them blocked on their profile. And for a decent reason, because a lot of single guys have pretty bad etiquette. We have just recently had that reinforced because we opened up our profile to single guys because of the contest that I had. But my biggest tip when it comes to single guys who are trying to get exposure is show up other places where you can demonstrate your personality. Show up in webinars. You know, show up in chat rooms. Show up to different places where couples will also be, and even if they have you blocked from DMing you, they will see you interacting there. And if you're classy, if you're respectful, and if they're open to single guys, then they're going to be way more likely to reach out to you. And that's, like, all of those different ways that you can engage, or even in the live, if you're going live and doing something, or they can attend a live show from someone else, and the comments that they Yeah, everybody can see your comments in live shows. Just so y'all know when you're doing, because I've done live shows, everyone can see your comments. Just so y'all know that. Everybody can see the shit you're saying. Have you seen some comments that you're like, you don't think anyone can do? Oh my God. Yeah. I've had people get on there and it's like, y'all know this is not anonymous, right? Y'all know I can just click on your name and open up your profile and see who the hell you are. Yeah. You just said this. Do people say rude things on there? I've had one or two. And it's human nature, I guess. But if you're on SEC and you're attending a live show, I just need you to know, this shit ain't anonymous. This ain't Facebook or wherever you think it is. People just right-click and they can open up your profile and they can see who you are and the dumb shit you just said. It's funny because we've done them before where people say things that are off topic, whatever, just kind of being annoying. And other people that are attending the webinar or whatever, we'll start talking back to them saying, hey, put a lid on it. And hey, this is not the appropriate for these questions or whatever. That literally just happened today. Yeah. For the live shows, I mean, they are wonderful resources because a lot of hosts, and a lot of content creators and stuff. We do live shows. Great for people to come and attend. And you are right about the comment section in the chat and stuff. People respect the material. They respect the host and all that. Like 99.99% of the time, there's never an issue. And the one person who may be a jackass, other people will take care of. They'll police it for you so you don't even have to do anything about it. I love that. Pretty cool. But it's revealing. So in the first webinar that I did on SDGs, There was a guy that was perpetually saying, show me your tits and all this other stuff. And you just gave yourself a bad reputation. Do you think any of the couples in this webinar are going to reach out to you right now? None of them are. Whereas if you had had intelligent, respectable things to say in this webinar, there are people that might have thought, he's intriguing. Like, maybe we'll reach out to him. at least look at his picture yeah click the profile since like you said you can just click it right there it's it's right there for everyone to to access so yeah it's uh yeah it's it's good to remind people that um they're not as anonymous as they think nope well i thank y'all very much for hanging out with me today this has been one i'm glad i finally have you on the show we've known each other for god it's been over a year now and i finally get you on the show and hanging out with me and And we're going to do it again. Yeah, we are going to do it again. And we're going to have you on our show, too. Definitely. Definitely. I want to bring you on to talk about the single men's stuff. Yes. I did a single men's course. So if you're new here, I have a single men's course available on my website, thatotherlifestyle.com. Go check it out. It's for single men who want to get into the lifestyle, teach you about what is the lifestyle, how to navigate it, how to meet couples, how not to be a jackass, how to actually get attention, how to be successful, however you want to measure that. and yeah so i have an entire course on that and then also have a course for the men's guide to flirting because a lot of us you know don't know how to flirt with other women after 20 years so having a refresher course might be useful hell yeah no that yeah we definitely need to dig in deeper on those on those subjects that would be great like we'll interview him on that yes we talk about that hey before people give us give us your contact Yes, social. Contact information. Not your socials. Do not give your number. I'm going to say that right now. Not your phone number. We need your socials. Where do we find you? We are the Flirty Pineapples on Instagram and pretty much everywhere, although I pretty much only post on Instagram. And the new Flirty Pineapples. And then Circle App, we're also Flirty Pineapples. On SDC, we are the new Flirty Pineapples. Yes. You can hop into your group and get all this information. Yeah. And, oh, by the way, So we're talking about all these different things, the challenges that I'm doing on SDC, and I didn't talk about the prizes, which is the cool part. I'm not providing the prizes. SDC is providing the prizes, but, well, I'm providing one of them. So the three prizes that you can get every month so far are one-year annual subscription to SDC. Oh, wow. That's awesome. Plus, November, and you can still get in on the November challenge right now. I don't know when this is, this might drop after it's too late. But for the November challenge, it's three days, two nights at Caliente. Wow, yeah. And so for every single time that you complete a challenge, and then I'll give you additional opportunities to win more entries by doing extras with each challenge. So then we'll do a drawing at the end of the month. So it's SDC membership and Caliente this month. And then I'm giving away one of my dare decks, which is a fun game, which I'm so mad that we We're going to play it next time. We're going to play it next time. We're going to talk about your games and all the other stuff that you do. Yeah, save that for next time. We'll do this again. We'll do that. And then next month in December, with the December Challenge on SDC, instead of Caliente, it is going to be Secrets for three days to next. Awesome. Those are wonderful prizes. It'll be good. Thank you all so much for hanging out with me today. Thank you, man. So good to see you. It was wonderful to see you. It is even better to see Bella. And that top and that smile, it is just fabulous. I will never take offense at that. Totally get it. And it's so great to see you too, Jason. We love seeing you. Oh, thank you very much. And my gym shirt. Give us a little special squeeze if you know what I'm talking about. Yes. To your significant other. I will. I will. Before I go today, I do want to mention two of my friends have started a brand new show. It's called In the Playroom Podcast. It is available on all the same platforms that you hear this great show. So go check it out. The Playroom. Thank you for listening and tuning in every single week. I appreciate you. Make sure you tell a friend about the show. Thank you to the love of my life, my wife, who is on this wonderful lifestyle journey with me. If you want to reach out, ask a question, suggest a topic, or tell me I'm wrong, send me an email to host at thatofthelifestyle.com. My website is thatofthelifestyle.com. If you want to know more about my guests today, they are wonderful and amazing people, and you should go find The Flirty Pineapples on all the social media platforms. My medical disclaimer, I am not a medical professional. nor a trained and certified educator of any kind in any way. I am a guy with a microphone sharing my personal experiences with you. This podcast is for entertainment purposes only and please join us for the next episode. Go to stthero.com, use my promo code TOL15 for 15% off your order and get tested. Whatever you may do today or tonight, I hope you do it with enthusiasm, consent, curiosity, and a little bit of spice. You are appreciated, loved, and I will see you for the next episode.