Diving into One-Night Stands

Transcript

Speaker1: Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. Wherever you are, I hope you have blue skies. Welcome to that other lifestyle podcast. I am your host, Jason. Leave vanilla behind as we talk about one-night stands. This podcast is for adults only. We'll be diving into adult and sexual topics with plenty of colorful language, so it is not safe for work. If you were under 18, stop listening now. This show is all about exploring the lifestyle and ethical non-monogamy, and it's to everyone, no matter your background, gender, identity, expression, or your personal truth. While I do my best to use inclusive language, you might hear terms like husband, wife, or partner for simplicity's sake. This show is for everyone, lifestyle, vanilla, or just the curious. If you want to connect, you can send me an email to host at thatotherlifestyle.com or go to my website, thatotherlifestyle.com. Everyone is welcome here because the lifestyle is so much more than you think. Hi, are you interested in no-strings-attached sex? One-night stands in the lifestyle. Want to know what locations have the highest chance for getting you some strange? Are you nervous about doing a one-night stand and wonder, how the hell are we going to do this? I'm here to help. One-night stands, no-strings-attached sex. Sex with another person when you have no intention of continuing existing in their life beyond this night, beyond this point, beyond this orgasm. And it does happen. It happens in the lifestyle. I've seen it. I've been there. I have no idea what percentage of encounters between couples would qualify as one-night stands. to throw out a guess, maybe between 2% and 97%. Literally just made up those numbers. I don't know. I know it does happen based on the stories we hear, based on our own personal experience in the lifestyle. There is, most definitely, a subset of people in the lifestyle who only want one-night stands. And did you know the acronym for one-night stands is O-N-S? I will not be saying O-N-S repeatedly, as that's actually harder to enunciate than one-night stands. stands. People who do one-night stands, they don't want connection beyond one night, beyond one encounter. They don't want repeat business. No matter how good or bad the sex is, they're simply one and done. One-night stand people, and there's no judgment from me. It's not my jam. It's not my wife's jam, but I know people who do it, and we may have engaged in it ourselves. If you and your spouse enjoy it, there is no place for me to say anything about it. If you and your spouse want to do it, I might be able to help with that. I overanalyze everything. I am super methodical. I want to dissect this experience, give you pointers on the how, talk about the considerations, and give you all the information you need to decide if this is an activity for you and your spouse. I know I can come across as leaning towards the friendship and the connection side of the lifestyle a lot. That's where I'm comfortable for me and my personal life. I respect people who do things differently, though. I can see the appeal of one-night stands. I really can. Just sex. Just fucking. No emotions, no weird feelings, There's no future weirdness on the horizons. The problem with friendship slash connection is feelings can evolve, good or bad. We're all human. Vibe. Vibes can change and stuff. Extended interactions with a couple can lead to friendships, long-term relationships, and all that. It can also lead to weird feelings. I will admit that. What if you and your long-term friends find new friends or connections break down or people drift apart or move across the country? We are adults with adult lives. Moving across the country is surprisingly common, I found. The danger, and maybe danger is not the the right word, but it feels right right here. The danger with long-term connections in the lifestyle is you're going to get attached to people. And by being attached in any way besides genital, that can feel anathema to the spirit of the lifestyle, right? We are supposed to be out there fucking new people and meeting new people and new. Sometimes you don't want new. Sometimes you want what you have invested time into. And that requires a whole separate set of skills that few of us are equipped for. So then you're, you're learning how to manage. long-term lifestyle friendships as you go. That's going to be a whole episode topic in the future. The upside, right, of one-night stands. There's none of that. There's no worry about the friendships, no weird feelings, no care or concern beyond, is this person making me horny? It sounds liberating on some level. You mean, I don't have to care about this person beyond the next few hours. We can have sex and not worry about tomorrow. Like, we can do this. Yes, you can. It is allowed. Fuck you. Yes, you can. It is sex. Pure, raw, primal sex. And it could be great. It could be bad. You are rolling the dice to find out here. This is the purest expression of the lifestyle in one single act. One moment of freedom from the mundane vanilla world. Our purpose distilled into maybe an hour of physical release. And I want to define what I mean by one night stand for this episode. My definition of a one night stand is we meet a couple on the same day or let's say within 72-hour period, which sounds fair, and you have sex with them, and then you never speak to them again. Versus, say, a one-and-done situation. You meet a couple, you have sex, and then you never have sex again. This is usually a result of the sex being bad, and you don't want to bother with it again. Or maybe your lust towards this couple is satisfied, so there's no need to re-engage. Or they ghost you, which happens, and if you've ever been ghosted after an encounter, let's all join together in raising a big old middle finger to the sky and say, fuck them. There's another variation where you have sex with a couple, you're open to doing it again, and it just never happens. There's nuances to all of this. Maybe the stars never align again, and life gets in the way, and then there's this layer of, we met on a dating site, we chatted for a week, we had sex, and then we never had sex again. Where does all that fall? I haven't a fucking clue. If I've learned anything from doing this podcast, there are countless ways to slice and label and categorize all this shit. Countless. Keeping my definition simple for this episode, though. You can expand it all you want when you talk to your spouse later tonight about this. Mindset matters. Set your intentions. And here is permission from a random podcaster. You can have one-night stands. You can do it if you want to do it. And they certainly happen. Who the fuck cares? In the lifestyle, hookups are allowed. Not all sexual relations require months of planning, conversations, and connections. No, we're just here for the fucking, so get to fucking. Mindset matters. Again, two spouses. Y'all need to be on the same page. Ask each other honestly, why are we doing this? Why do we want this? Are we on the same page for this? And if you have satisfactory answers to all of those, go for it. Out in the vanilla world, in media, there is a very pervasive thought that sex always leads to negative consequences. Look at a horror movie. Anyone who has sex in a horror movie, you know that they're going to be the next victim, right? We are taught our entire fucking lives by miserable vanilla people that sex is bad. The only good sex, the only allowable sex is in a marriage. And even then, you can't enjoy it too much, right? Sex bad, and that's bullshit. Dispelling this myth, you are allowed to have sex with strangers as long as it is safe, consensual, and fun. So there you go. I know it is hard for vanilla people to wrap their heads around this concept, this simple concept of it's just sex. It's just physical intimacy. Society tells us that we have to have it at least three dates, maybe texting, complications. You don't. This is not the same as hookup culture in the vanilla world. Over there, I feel there's a lot more deception, more trickery, more lies. Men are taught to say whatever they need to in order to get laid. Women are taught to feel bad for having sex. That is not us. We are better than that as a community. And we can leave all that piranical sex thinking in the fucking dumpster, okay? Still, got you interested, right? Let's get freaky technical. about fucking strangers. We do have a few considerations to talk about now before the hunt begins. This is a hunt. We are going hunting for couples who are also interested in acquiring sex tonight. And my first point, and this is a weird one, are you going to use your real name, fake names, nicknames? What do you mean, Jason? One night stands by nature tend to lend themselves especially well to anonymity. So if you want to truly have no strings attached, you could use a fake name. Just saying. Consideration. Oh, and if you do use a fake name, make sure it's something you're going to answer to. I will say this is hunting. That implies that this will be an intentional act. There's also a possibility of, which I guess you could say, organic one-night stands. Look, I personally don't think anything to do with sex is truly organic. If the opportunity presents itself, you do not organically get naked and start rubbing on someone. You are making conscious decisions all along that path, which means this is not organic. There are conversations that should always happen before you have sex. which I'm going to talk about later, that just don't come up organically. I do not organically ask people if they are tested and can I put a thumb up their butt. Rarely does that ever come up organically. Jumping ahead, you and your spouse, you want to have anonymous sex. I get that. You want to get laid tonight. We need to look at all of our options on where to look to find these couples. Some of these options are way better than others. First, I share the shittiest option, social media, Reddit and Facebook. I see it. Blast This takes fucking work. Chatting, vetting, you still must meet these people in person to confirm physical attraction. Next on my big ol' list, meetups. Usually at a bar. Going with a bar in my head, your local tribe puts together a meetup at a bar. Upsides, meeting another couple in person, immediate feedback on physical attraction. What about mental attraction? Who the fuck said we need that? Not that important for what we are after right now. Downsides, it's a bar. They're loud, hard to talk, and because I'm a slightly weird about a body odor. Standing around in a bar all night getting sweaty, funky in the wrong places. It may not bother other people, but I like to shower more sex. And I feel like y'all are learning more interesting tidbits about me every week. The real downside of a bar meetup is, where do you go to fuck? We're trying to get laid tonight within the next two hours, hopefully. So where do you go? Hotel? That's going to cost money. Maybe someone's house if you could. And shout out to all the child-free couples out there like us that can host at our own homes anytime. Woot woot. For a bar meet-up, have a plan for a second location, or you're going to be driving around for an hour trying to find a hotel, and by then the impetus and excitement might wear off, then you decide to just go home, eat cold pizza, and go to bed. Are you ready to party in paradise? 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The Ultimate Hero panel is a comprehensive, affordable panel for infections transmitted sexually. including anal and oral, which can often be symptomless. The ultimate test screens for 13 high-risk STIs. It is the ultimate protection for those in the lifestyle. Compare the prices and see for yourself. STD Eros kits are shipped to your home in discreet packaging, utilising painless blood sample collection. Be safe out there. Be a hero of your own story. Use promo code TOL15 for 15% your order at STDHero.com. A realistic option. Sex clubs. If you want to get laid tonight, sex clubs is probably your most convenient option. There's usually a bar or a nightclub for drinks and then getting the blood pumping. And then, oh look, a place to fuck in the back or upstairs. Four people are horny at the same moment and they can do something about it. Sex clubs. Events and takeovers and parties. For this depends on the event. I've gone to events that everyone there was just looking to fuck tonight. It happens. I've been to other events and I never get proposition. It depends on the vibe, the atmosphere, the people. There's a lot of variables with this. To up your chances, a couple of things to do. Scope out couples on the guest list if you can so you know who you're attracted to, at least based on their pictures ahead of time. And mingle. Mingle like a motherfucker. Be prepared to be rejected. And more importantly, be prepared for someone to give you a yes. Yes. Being rejected. That stings. That stings the ego. When another person says yes to sex right now, that is an adrenaline rush like none other. It is like riding a roller coaster on mushrooms with heavy metal blasting in your ears. The yes is powerful. It will give me the shivers anytime. Finally, cruises and resorts. There might be other places, but this is my list, so I can say what I want. I will say getting laid is absolutely the fucking easiest on a cruise or at a resort if you're not picky. these places to fuck. They want to fuck. Go find them. Double points for these because they're not local. Realistically, locals might avoid their local sex club or dial down their wildness in their own town. On a cruise or resort? No. Everyone can go nuts and is secure in the knowledge that no one knows them. That's the scale of things as I see it. But, oh, Jason, what about this unique, odd situation or this other place that I thought of? I don't know. I don't know what you do on the weekends. One more I wanted to add. Playrooms. Dedicated playrooms at events. This is a separate category because I went to Naughty in New Orleans a few weeks ago. Buy tickets from me. Go to my website, thatotherlifestyle.com. Buy tickets from me. Do it. At Naughty, there was an entire floor of the hotel that was converted to playrooms. I did not go up there while the playrooms were active. I couldn't tell you the dynamics or the conversations that were going on up there either. I will conjecture, based on my knowledge of humanity, there were random hookups and fucking going on. So probably if you just stand in the hallway long enough, somebody's going to grab you. Or maybe not. No first-hand experience here, so I can't really tell you. We need to ask next, what exactly are you looking for? If you figure out ahead of time with your spouse, figure out what you're looking for ahead of time, this is going to save you time, and time is at the essence. Obviously, we need at least some level of physical attraction. Now, that level is entirely dependent on how horny you are and how much you want to get laid. If you're open to any body types, That does increase your odds, but I have met very few people who are truly open to all the different body types that are out there. We probably don't need an emotional, intellectual connection here. I ain't looking for someone to have a deep conversation about the human condition, conspiracy theories, or comic books. No, probably for me and probably for others out there. Less conversation, the better. The more we talk, the more chance I will stop being attracted to this person. When you're looking over a crowd, know what your spouse likes and their type. This is going to make hunting easier, as you won't have to constantly check with your spouse on every single prospective couple. And what are we looking for as we're going hunting? Sex? What kind of sex? What kind of dynamics? How hard is it to find the sex we might want tonight? There's a scale here or a web or a nexus. I don't know what to describe this as. On one end of this thing, where we measure the ease of locating, right? The first is single men. Single men are a dime a fucking dozen in the lifestyle. There's always a dude wanting to have no strings attached sex with a woman. Y'all know this. And they will pounce on all of those stupid reddit posts I mentioned earlier. Even if you say in your profile, we don't want single men, them fuckers are still going to try to swing poorly. It is easy to find a single man. It is damn near impossible to find a good one. A good one I would define as experienced with couples, respectful, his dick works, and is not weird. I will recommend also, I have a course. I haven't mentioned my course lately. I have the Single Men's Guide to the Lifestyle. It is $45. Go to my website, thatotherlifestyle.com. Check it out. It's going to teach you. How to become one of these good single men. Couples. Couples are harder to find than single dudes. Out of all the couples in the lifestyle, you have to find another one who also wants easy sex for the night. It's not impossible. Not impossible at all. I personally know couples that this is their primary style. They like it. I talked to one of them while I was writing this episode, and my buddy brought us good points. Him and his wife, all they want to do is sex. They don't want any connection. I can tell you, yes, these couples do exist, but you have to find them. If you talk to 30 couples at an event, you might only be physically attracted to 5. Of those 5, how many of them will want to have sex with you? Let's say 3. Of those 3, how many are looking for a one-night stand right now tonight? Maybe 1. It is totally a numbers game, just like everything else in the lifestyle. The last person you may engage in a one-night stand with are single women. Unicorns. Rare, glorious unicorns. I have very little experience with finding unicorns interested in having no strings attached to it. sex. I have experience with unicorns, but as I'm writing and saying all this, maybe I do. Maybe in that regard. I don't know. Here's the deal. Unicorns are rare. They're hard to find. That's why they're fucking called unicorns. It is going to be hard to find a bisexual woman who is interested in both partners equally. You can also find the versions that are only interested in the male half or the woman half. This is where my generalizations break down because even with single men or couples or unicorns, it's hard to generalize what is out there. You can find a unicorn tomorrow who wants a one-night stand with you. You could spend years looking for that. It all depends on so many factors and variables that are beyond your control. There are factors within your control, though. Clean yourself up. Remember, these other couples are judging you on whether they're physically attracted to you. This is a two-way street. There has to be attraction based on how you look, how they look at you. Or we throw all that out the fucking window and just ask, are they willing, okay? Terrible phrase here. Willing beats pretty in some cases. You're also going to need to be personable. You have to find the other couples, which means talking to other couples. Okay, talking. Should you be direct or coy, playful or to the point? I don't know. Both ways could work. I'm generally always direct, sometimes to my own detriment. You want to be direct enough to establish what you're looking for, allow the other couple to contemplate and then answer. You do not want to end up in a hotel room that you paid for with another couple and they seem confused on what's about to go down, okay? Here's a simple rule for newbies. If a couple wants to go to a private with you. They want to fuck you. Don't act all surprised. We are adults who have fun by fucking people we meet on the internet. This is what we do. I would caution about using drugs or alcohol for one-night stands. They fuck with your ability to accurately drudge attraction. Alcohol can mess with your ability to consent and it may lower inhibitions to a point that you're not going to feel good about what happened the next day. To avoid these bad vibes and bad decisions, your spouse should be your partner in this and watching out for you. or one-to-one-to-one-night-stand and the other one does not, this ain't happening. Must be on the same page. No matter how many couples you try to bring to your spouse, no amount of arguing, convincing, or pressure is going to work. Or it shouldn't work, actually, because you shouldn't be doing that to anyone. Be on the same page and watch out for each other. So, both people are on board. We are getting fucked tonight, right? Hold on. Let me just throw the kink in the plans. Do you have protection? This is a dumb question. Of course you do, right? You brought your hoe bag with you. You didn't just assume that the other couple would have condoms or that you're going to find a condom lying around. And don't laugh at the last bit. I have noticed everywhere I go recently, there are random condoms lying around at all these places. There must be a condom fairy out there leaving happy rubber presents everywhere. The condom fairy is real. And I ask you to be realistic too in what you want and what you're looking for. And look, you may strike out hard often, but you gotta swing the bat. Not every night is going to end in success. If you want this, you have to try. Another pitfall for couples is that they want to do a one-night stand, but they don't fucking try hard enough. They walk into a room and they think, oh my god, we're down to fuck anyone and everyone. Other people are just going to just smell our lust lotion and naturally gravitate towards us. No, it doesn't fucking happen like that, okay? And now to say the asshole part. If you walk into a room with an image of the absolute perfect couple for you, down to their hair color and genital size, you're looking for. And odds are, you are not going to find it. If you want to fuck a bunch of people, you're going to need to be open to fucking a bunch of people that may not fit your ideal match. You could wait to find your perfect match, which is fair enough, and you're going to be waiting a long time. Going to say, Willie beats Pretty one more time, since I'm in asshole territory. Pulling out my list of jackass things people do when they're looking for a one-night stand. And right there at the top of the list is saying anything to get laid. This has so The one that bugs me is pretending like this relationship, these four people, is going to last past one night. It won't. You know that. Don't fucking act like it will, okay? Don't exchange information. Don't make plans for a follow-up conversation unless you actually mean it. If this is one and done in your brain, be honest about it. It's okay to be honest. It is not okay to deceive people to get laid. Public service announcements right there from my own shitty past experiences. Onward with the story. We found a couple. Yay! Fun! Oh, wait! We need to have an unfun conversation. But Jason, that might ruin my horny. I promise your horny is going to be perfectly okay and it's going to come back after you get the safety discussion out of the way. I call this the unfun conversation which should happen with every couple that you are engaging in horizontal cardio. With long-term engagements, you can take your time with this. For this, we are fucking within the next hour so we need to talk right now. What is the other couple's play style? Does it match yours? I don't need to know your full fucking history in the lifestyle or your origin story. I don't care what you did last week. I don't care what you did last night. I am proposing a full swap dynamic. Are you good with that? Yes or no? Sex style. Are we doing basic vanilla sex? Any kinks we need to be aware of? Are you a brat? Do you like oral, anal? What the fuck are we going to do when we get naked? I know all this seems very direct and I'm just rattling it off. Look, it doesn't have to be direct. At least give the other couple a rough game plan though. But Jason, what about organic? There's that fucking word again. What the fuck does that even mean? I get couples maybe uncomfortable explaining They really like cock and ball torture, for instance. I promise, that's never going to come up organically. Organic is code phrased for, we do basic sex. That's my interpretation. Nothing too wild, nothing too kinky. If you want more than that, say it. If you thought those conversations were uncomfortable, there's the big one out there, testing. Now, you could say, fuck it and fuck away, roll the dice. We're using a condom. It's all good, right? Could be, could not be. It takes all of one minute to share your test results and ask for the same. One minute could make the difference between, yeah, let's do this right now, and you know what? No. And side note, if you're due in August for your test, use stdhero.com for easy, at-home, painless testing. Use my promo code TOL15 for 15% off your order at stdhero. Look, I get it. Testing is not as sexy as asking, can I come in your mouth? I get it. But to be safe out there, you should ask. One other note, do not take one for the team on this. Both people and the couple need to be on board, in the moment. Sharing a story from a buddy, he and his wife met a nice couple at a hotel takeover a few years ago. They talked it up with a couple and made plans to meet them upstairs in their hotel room. On the way up the elevator, they were both quiet, and they thought they'd just blame the silence on nerves. As they walked down the hallway, their hands touched for a second and they stopped. They looked at each other and at the same time asked, are you sure you want to do this? My buddy's wife, being the honest and radiant person she is, hesitated, and she asked him again, if he wanted to do this. Being the amazing husband that he is, and he was in touch with her voice and her mannerisms, he detected a thought in her mind, the same thought that he shared. They were both asking the other one to take one for the team. My friends are telling me this story. They realized they were just going along with this because they thought their spouse was the one who really wanted this. Neither one of them were overwhelmingly attracted to the other couple, or at least to the point to engage in fuckery this fast after meeting them. In that hallway, they both realized, how much they did not want this, how much pressure they were putting themselves under because they wanted to make their spouse happy. They turned around and went back to their hotel room that night. I share that story with you. Don't ever take one for the team, and with one-night stands, please be honest about your desires to participate with your spouse. Finally, if we get to the sex, I have been talking for 20-some-odd minutes. You know how to have sex. I don't think I need to explain all the intricacies of that. Is it going to be weird? Yup. Will it be great? Maybe. Will it be terrible? Maybe. That's a roll of the dice. There's no guarantees if this is going to be a good time or not. What about after, though? After a one-night stand, there is an afterglow. Luscious, warm sensation. It is entrancing. I dig it. My wife dug it. We both dug it at the time. I remember it. And then you take that afterglow and you combine it with reclaimed sex with your spouse. Oh, that is amazing fireworks right there. The next day, you debrief, as always, with your spouse. You talk about the night. Talk about what worked. What went good? What did not go so good? Decide if this is going to be an activity. to repeat in the future. There's no right or wrong way to approach it. If you enjoyed it, do it again. Or you could decide it's not your thing. But you're never going to know until you try. And before I go, there's an awkward aspect to one-night stands I need to discuss that makes me smile. The intention of a one-night stand is to have sex with relative strangers and never see them again. Very easy, very simple concept. But what if you do? Maybe you're on a cruise ship and the first night you have explosive sex with a couple and you have no intention of ever speaking to them again, right? You may have given them fake names. And now you're stuck on a boat in the ocean for five days with these people. Oh, this, oh, there are so many awkward moments and I'm here for it. I love awkward moments. I love when there are awkward moments around me and I'm just a silent observer and not participating. I have no good answer for this. I wish I did. It needs to be a consideration though. It applies to any multi-day event like a takeover or a resort. The mature and responsible thing is don't run and hide. Don't avoid them. Yes, you may have given them a and they will continue to call you Lisa for the rest of the trip. But please don't avoid them. They will notice. They will absolutely fucking notice you duck into a door when you see them coming. One night stands. They happen. There are people out there who want to have anonymous sex with you. I find the biggest hurdle in this is mentality. Just getting past the block. People carry their vanilla morality into the lifestyle and have trouble dropping it. We enjoy sex over here in all the different formats. Wham bam thank you ma'am nights are okay. I want that to be the takeaway. You are okay. to do this. No one will judge you, or at least they shouldn't. No one should judge you for anything you do in the lifestyle. You were empowered to do this, to do a one-night stand if you want to pursue it. They're deceptively simple to pull off, and the only person who can complicate this is you. So go get laid. In other news, my wife and I will be at Splash Houston the first weekend of August 2025. Please come say hi if you see us hanging out at the SDHero booth. I always appreciate hearing your feedback and comments on episodes or suggestions for topics, so feel free to reach out to me at host at thatofthelifestyle.com. My personal disclaimer, I am not a medical professional nor a trained and certified educator of any kind in any way. I am a guy with a microphone sharing my personal experiences with you. This podcast is for entertainment purposes only and please join us for the next episode. Remember, STI testing is important and it takes a community to make a difference. Go to stdhero.com and use my promo code TOL15 for 15% off your order. Whatever you may do today, I hope you have a fantastic time doing it. I appreciate it and loved. Have a great day.