Consent

Transcript

Speaker1: Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. Wherever you are, I hope you have blue skies. Welcome to that other lifestyle podcast. I am your host, Jason. Leave vanilla behind as we talk about consent. This podcast is for adults only. We'll be diving into adult and sexual topics with plenty of colorful language, so it is not safe for work. If you are under 18, get the hell out. This is not the place for you. This show is all about exploring the lifestyle and ethical non-monogamy, and it's open to everyone, no matter your background, gender identity, expression, or your personal truth. While I do my best to use inclusive language, you might hear terms like husband, wife, or partner, for simplicity's sake. This show is for everyone, lifestyle, vanilla, or the curious. You want to connect with me? You can send me an email to we respect everyone's body autonomy? What are the ways I see people fuck it up? What are the ways I see people doing it right? What the fuck is the right thing to do? This is going to be complicated, my friends. Prefacing this episode by stating, I am not an expert at this. I am not the end-all, be-all authority on this. I still navigate daily consent as delicately as everyone else. There is no ultimate authority. No hard and fast set guidelines for consent. I can share what I know, what I've seen, what I will caution you on, but it is up to you and your spouse. I imagine this episode is going to prompt pausing and conversations, which is fantastic. I hope it takes you two days to make it all the way through this episode because you keep having to stop and talk. That's a good thing. I will throw out scenarios for couples or singles to ponder. Talk now. Talk through it now before you are in the moment. It is better to plan than regret. I'm not a lawyer, therapist, law enforcement, or any other person of authority. Take what I say with a grain of salt. I may be very conservative in my views on consent, my actions towards others, and my overall attitude towards consent. I would rather be cautious and respectful than pushy and get too close to the line, and there is most definitely a line. This episode is the way I see consent. This is the way I feel it should be respected, informed by my experiences and input from others, but hey, this is me, one dude with a microphone. I fully expect that in the future I will need to do another episode about consent. My attitude may change. People may offer differing opinions that I'm going to question or embrace. Before we go further, let's define what is consent and why does it matter? And why is consent so much more complicated in the lifestyle? Our hobby is fucking people we meet on the internet. By definition, what we do for fun involves sex, physical intimacy, and getting naked with other people that we may or may not know for more than an hour. Consent, for our purposes, is an informed, enthusiastic, reversible agreement between two or four or more people to engage in physical, sexual, or emotional interaction. And there's an acronym we're going to start this discussion with. So I'm framing all this out. I found an acronym. And you know what? Acronyms are fucking great. They're like foreplay for the brain. They're short, snappy, and they're a great way to remember the important stuff before your pants come off. This one is FRIES. Yep, FRIES. F-R-I-E-S. Easy to remember and full of sexy, sexy deliciousness. This is a great acronym. It's a great place to start and frame out this narrative. Especially for folks who are new to the lifestyle and you're maybe still wondering, what do I do with my hands? And once we've got fries on the table, metaphorically, haha, I'm going to throw out all kinds of whatabouts. What about this? What about that? What if someone wants to surprise thumb up the butt? And yeah, these are real situations that come up. I have lived most of them, sometimes twice, maybe once or twice with glitter. So what do you do when these situations hit? There is no one-size-fits-all answer, except maybe condoms. Those are most definitely one-size-fits-all. Fits most. Seriously, as long as everyone's respected and body autonomy is upheld like a sacred swinger commandment, it's about having your own plan. Make it ahead of time. Talk it out. Because the time to decide how you feel about face-sitting is not while it's happening. And my buddy, he helps me ride these episodes. We text all the time and he weighs in on topics. I told him the topic of this episode and he suggested that I try to make this sexy instead of breechy. I will do my best to make consent sexy. I'll try. Anyway, what the fuck does fries mean? Fries, the acronym F. F is for freely given. As in, no pressure, no guilt trips, no, but I bought you a drink kind of energy and definitely no accidental boners brushing against your thigh while someone, you know, just wants to hang out. In the lifestyle, freely given means what it says on the pineapple. You ask someone clearly and respectfully, would you like to have sex? And then, get this, get this, they can say yes or no without fear, persuasion, or any tequila flocking up their brain. This is a good starting point, like the very beginning of your Choose Your Own Adventure book, but all the endings involve genitals and mutual enthusiasm. Let's compare this to the vanilla world, where asking for sex is treated like diffusing a fucking bomb. Step one, you have a hug that kind of lingers a little bit too long. Step two, you might accidentally touch a boob. And then step three, there's weird eye contact. Everyone's naked, pants are off, and no one knows what the fuck happened. Lifestyle folks, they just come out and say it. We just come out and say, hey, do you want to fuck? It is very refreshing, I have to say. There's no guessing. There's no weird head games. It's just old-fashioned directness wrapped up in respect and topped with clarity. So remember, if consent isn't freely given, it is not consent. It is a really bad plot twist. Lifestyle people, we use our words. Full-on adult words Grown up, no misunderstanding, say what you mean kind of words. I will straight up ask in the least sexy phrasing possible, would you like to engage in sexual relations? And yes, I sound like a horny government agent, but I do that on purpose because I want zero fucking confusion. I'm not trying to seduce you with poetry. I'm not trying to make you want to. I'm trying to make sure that you want to have sex with me. Clarity is hot. And once I've asked, guess what? The other person or the couple, they are free to give one of three valid answers. Yes, no, not right now. That's it. There's no secret code here. There's no weird signals to decode like a horny mystery. If it's a yes, amazing, go forth and fornicate. If it's a no, cool, respect it, and move the hell on. And if it's a not right now, that's just a polite, eh, come back later, maybe. Oh, but it's not an invitation to hover like a creep in heat. That maybe they're just magically going to change their mind with you standing there staring at them like you're waiting for a piece of gym equipment. Just back off a little bit and come back. And this is where it gets interesting. I run a course for single men navigating the lifestyle. It's $45. You can buy it on my website, thatotherlifestyle.com. Thank you very much for for asking and the very first thing i tell single men in this course is forget everything you learned about vanilla pickup culture all that manipulative crap about overcoming objections and using jedi mind tricks to turn a yes into a no fucking no i hate it nope nope i do it. That shit disgusts me and I do not use that word lightly. We just don't do that. In a lifestyle, if someone says no, it is a no. It is not an invitation for you to decide to overcome her objections. And this is especially for dudes and a couple of ladies out there. If someone says no, that's it. We're done. It is not a challenge. It is not a mystery to dissolve. It's not a kink that you haven't unlocked yet. It is in order to stop fucking trying. Because in the lifestyle, we lead with respect, not manipulation. If you can't handle a no, you are certainly not ready for a yes. And I've gotten no's before. It happens. One time, a couple years ago, we were orbiting, I'll say that, a couple. We were flirting, vibing, chatting, circling around each other like sexy satellites, right? And I couldn't quite tell where I stood with the wife. So being the kind of person who has more balls and brains, I went straight to the husband and I asked, like, hey, man, is your wife feeling me? And he said, no, just straight up. No, we were in a bar waiting for drinks. And I asked and he said no. And it wasn't, you know, a confused, vague kind of let me go ask her thing. No, he just full on said no. She wasn't interested, not into me. That's great. That's fine. She's not trying to hop on the Jason train over here. And he tried to, you know, do all this justification afterwards. I didn't fucking listen to it because I got a no. I said, okay. I nodded my head like a gentleman who lost a round of Swinger Jeopardy, and I went about my fucking day. There was no pouting. There was no huffing. No follow-up PowerPoint on why I'm so great at sex. I stayed friendly with him. I did. And I'm not going to act like her. No, activated some weird trapdoor in my personality. We were still cool. We were still at a party. I'm a nice guy. But if sex is off the table, okay, that's fine. The table's still there, just with fewer genitals on it. Weird thing that happened is, like, the next day, 24 hours later, the guy messages me. Apparently, he wanted to clarify. What he meant was, his wife wasn't interested at me in that moment in that way, but I was supposed to fight for her. Like, this is a swinger edition of Bachelor and I missed the cue. She wanted me to work for it, to court her, woo her, charm my way from benchwarmer to starter. And I said, absolutely the fuck not. I am not here to fight for anyone's affection, like I'm not here to fight for anyone's affection, like to starter. And I said, absolutely the fuck not. I am not here to fight for anyone's affection like I'm auditioning for a fucking play. I am married. I have a wife. I do not need to go out and campaign for sexual attention like I'm running for mayor of Poundtown. I got a note. I took the note. We're done. That's it. Done. And the kicker is, it turns out this lady at the event we were at, she had her eye on another guy. But just in case that didn't pan out, she was kind of pissed at her husband for telling me no because they wanted to line me and my wife up, like the backup plan, like we were the standby swingers. Ain't fucking playing that game either. And later on, I found out that she has a brat kink. So, hey, newbies, file this under weird shit you might encounter because people will be out there trying to run orgies like they're a fantasy football bracket. Don't fall for that shit. You deserve to be someone's first pick, not their rainy day backup draft. And as a brief aside here, I am not a fan of the brat kink. If a woman argues with me, okay, we're done. You tell me no, we're done. I'm not going to indulge this brat bullshit with you because it ain't my thing. Is it one swing and you walk away? For me, kind of, yeah. That may change with continued interaction, but come on. I'm not going to step up my game, in air quotes. I'm not going to change anything about what the fuck I do to try to flip a no to a yes. People can say, not right now. I will accept that too. It means I may get to swing the bat in the future. I take the no. I strike out and I go about my fucking life. And fuck me, I've been talking the moment in the first letter. Freely given consent. This can get complicated when four people are involved, specifically when you are naked. Three people really want to get naked and the fourth person is just not feeling it. Whatever reason they have, though, is valid to them and to everyone else in the room. Horrible as or they're unwilling. Respect their choices. This is how we get into that whole taking one for the team territory, which only leads to resentment and bad vibes.
Speaker2: Are you ready to party in paradise? Risque Lifestyle Parties presents Pulsify 2025 at the Island Resort on the sparkling waters of the Gulf Coast in Fort Walton Beach, Florida, September 26th through the 28th, 2025. Come for the two-day party that will take hotel takeovers to the next level in one place, with many stories and endless fun for you and your sexiest friends. Spend the day relaxing by the pool with swim-up bars, evenings on the white sand beach, and your nights with the hottest lifestyle DJs all in one place. Rooms now available. Go to risqué kind of things the vanilla world can only dream of. You want to set the night on fire. STDHero.com has got you covered no matter where your story may go. Be the ultimate lifestyle hero with STDHero's new Ultimate STI testing kit. The Ultimate Hero panel is a comprehensive, affordable panel for infections transmitted sexually, including anal and oral, which can often be symptomless. The Ultimate Test Screens for 13 high-risk STIs. It is the ultimate protection for those in the lifestyle. Compare the prices and see for yourself. STD Heroes kits are shipped to your your home in discreet packaging, utilizing painless blood sample collection. Be safe out there. Be a hero of your own story. Use promo code TOL15 for 15% off your order at stdhero.com. I have been in situations where we are fucking around with another couple and one person says they are done. Got fucked too much and maybe they can't continue to function. Then it is a call that everyone needs to make in the moment. Is it now a threesome with one person watching or do we all stop? And in that moment, I can say, depending on what you're doing and the couples that you're with, it can kind of look different every time. Sometimes, yes better to completely stop everything you should if you think you should sometimes one person bows out everyone else wants to have fun it's kind of a cool vibe okay that's fine too but if someone says no and they want to stop fully stop everything you're done if my wife says we are done i done? And she says, done, done. That's it. Putting my clothes on. I respect her decision and she would do the same for me. If the other couple says, we're done, are we done, done? Then we're done. Which leads me into the next letter, R. Reversible, R is for reversible. A person is free to change their mind at any time, no matter the circumstances. And this is good. People are allowed and valid to have a voice and speak up at any time, even if they have a penis in their mouth. And now it's getting more complicated, though, because between two people, one person may say, I don't want to do this, and that's it. What happens when you have four people involved, like the thing I was just talking about? And to illustrate that, yeah, consent is reversible. I have a story from my own wonderful catalog of experiences. Hanging out with a couple a few years ago, the wife is feeling me very strongly. My wife is on board, and the other dude, he seems a little hesitant, but he's on board. Up until that point, up until the point that I'm about to dive in physically, the mission is a go or so I thought. Landing gear was engaged, lining up for final approach, and this dude yells out, stop. Full stop. My wife and I have this bus rule, and I've shared this before with y'all. We shared it with this couple before we ever took our clothes off. The bus rule is all four people are getting on the bus willingly and freely. And bus is a metaphor for sex in this situation. The bus can stop at any time for any reason if one person wants to get off. And this dude exercised his stop option. Gotta respect it. We had consent up until the moment he realized he was not comfortable with what was about to happen. We respected it. We got dressed. Date was done. And that's why I say consent in the lifestyle, it is more complicated, but we do need to keep it simple. There was no negotiation on my part. I said, okay. I struck my shoulders confident in the thought that I get to go home and have sex with my wife, which is wonderful because I really like having sex with her. My life's happiness is not determined by me having sex with another woman. I'm fine. That's the attitude that we all need. If a person reverses consent, it's okay. Yeah, it sucks, but it's better for a person to use their voice, stop everything, stop an action they may not be comfortable with. Because you don't want a person to do the sexy time if they're not comfortable with it. That leads to the dark side, the dark path. Resentment, bad vibes, anger, jealousy, lots of bad feelings. Informed. I is for informed. And we know what we are talking about. We know what we're walking into. And to the lifestyle's credit, we are, as a community, really good at this one. Most people talk about rules and boundaries ahead of time, even if it is in the elevator on the way up to a hotel room. We're going to say, I'm okay with this action. I'm not okay with this action. No choking, no butt stuff. Rough is good. Rough is bad. Wear condoms. We, as a community, tend to have very informed conversations. So kudos to us. I would recommend to newbies, y'all, keep your rules simple. Think elevator pitch. Can you state your rules within a minute or two? Don't expect another couple to abide by your three fucking pages of rules single-spaced typed out. You can make all the rules you want. It's another thing for another person to remember all the shit that you say yes or no to in the moment. Keep it simple. These conversations can be sexy though. Talking about what you like. Asking questions. You can definitely put a sexy spin on this. But keep it simple. E is for enthusiastic. This is a big one for me. If I ask, do you want to have sex? I much prefer to ask this in a room or situation where I can actually hear the nuances and inflections in a voice. This is not the best question to ask on a dance floor with thumping music, in my opinion. I'm very tuned into people's voices. I do a podcast, and I talk at work all the time. For me, body language does say a lot, but I can read a voice like a book. You may have a great poker face or a resting bitch face, but when you open your mouth, I can learn exactly what I need to. Enthusiastic, if I detect a hint of hesitation. Even if a person says yes, that hesitation's there. That's a no from me. And you see what I did there. Even if another couple says yes, I can still say no. If I don't think there is enthusiasm, then we're out. It sounds very jackass, so let me explain. We may get a yes in that moment, but I don't feel good about it. I want to feel good about what we are about to do. I don't want to go into a situation with any hesitation on my part. My enthusiasm for the act is certainly going to diminish because I'm not entirely positive that everyone is on the fucking bus. I feel it's always better to err on the side of caution than proceed. Yes, we may miss out on great opportunities for orgasms, and I can live with that because I can't live with the alternative. If someone says yes and you detect hesitation, step back and analyze it. Ask a follow-up question or just reschedule for another time. If a person is serious with their yes, the yes will still be there tomorrow under better circumstances. And that's my take. I could be wrong. Could be super fucking wrong and someone out there is willing to tell me I'm wrong. And you should certainly email me and tell me I'm wrong at host at thatotherlifestyle.com. I'm okay with that. S is for specific. There's two layers to this one, the action and the timing. When you ask for consent, be specific in what you are asking for. Kissing, a big one right here. You're on a dance floor, dancing with a very attractive man, and you have the urge to kiss him. Should you ask consent? Yes. Here's a simple rule I always tell people. Anything past a hug and a handshake, you should ask for consent. I do. Anything. But Jason, that sounds tedious and dumb, and to that I say fuck you. Again, it is better to err on the side of caution than violate somebody's body autonomy with an action they don't want. If you ask consent to kiss someone, beyond that, yes, you have to ask before you escalate. Remember, this is not a drag race. It's golf. And this is a very bad analogy. Drag race. When the light turns green, it is pedal to the metal to go as fast as possible. A woman say, yes, you may kiss me. That does not mean you are now green light go for everything. Not the fuck all. Does not mean you have permission to grope them, run them up to a playroom, or get naked. It is one ask for one action. One step at a time, like a golf game. Golf games are 18 holes. 18 times to swing of the ball. There are 18 steps, I guess, to a golf game. And you cannot proceed to the next hole until you've completed the one you're on. And yes, I know technically you can skip around, but you get my point. They're stages. And you need to ask at every stage before it escalates to the next one. There's also a timing aspect to this. Asking a person to kiss them or have sex or just grab their butt. They are agreeing to this one time, this one instance. It does not give you blanket consent to do it again in the future every time you see them unless they specifically say, yes, you have blanket consent for this action. And blanket consent is something that we have in the lifestyle. I'll give you an example. I will always ask for permission before I send a nude of myself. Dick pics may not always be welcome at all times to all people. So I ask, want to see me naked? I will ask every time unless that person gives me blanket consent. And this might be a different term around the world. In general, it is a person agreeing that yes, at any time, they are okay with a certain action. It's a very powerful thing. It can run from news to kissing to fucking.
Speaker1: It is an act of trust between two people, a couple, or a group of people. And oh my god, I finally got through that acronym. And no, I'm still not done yet. I have a bunch more stuff to tell you. I have a recommendation for everyone. There is an old video on YouTube about tea and consent. Go find it and watch it. It's very short. It's two minutes of your life. And I'm going to paraphrase it very poorly and change it to a cup of coffee because I don't drink tea. Let's say you're talking to someone about having a cup of coffee. And here a cup of coffee is a substitution for having sex. If someone asks, if you ask someone, do you want to have a cup of coffee? And they enthusiastically say, yes, I would like a cup of coffee, then make them a cup of coffee. If you offer someone a cup of coffee and they say, maybe, or they're not really sure, you could make the coffee, but they may not drink it. Just because you made the cup of coffee, there are no obligation to drink it. And if someone says, no, I would not like coffee at this time, then don't make them a cup of coffee. They said, no. And maybe when you asked, do you want a cup of coffee? And they said, yes, then you made the coffee. And in the time it took to actually brew it, they decided they did not want the coffee. People can change their minds, and they're under no obligation to drink the coffee you made. If you ask someone if they want a cup of coffee, and they are too drunk to gurgle out an answer, don't make them coffee. They did not agree to drinking the coffee. If someone is unconscious or close to it, and you ask, do you want a cup of coffee? They don't. They just don't. They're unconscious and unconscious people don't want coffee. And maybe someone said last Saturday they would like a cup of coffee and you shared a cup with them. Do not assume next week that they will want to have a cup of coffee with you again. You should always ask before you're going through the trouble of making the coffee if the other person wants a cup of coffee right now. And I'm paraphrasing this video like a motherfucker right now. Go to YouTube. Look up consent and a cup of tea. There's multiple variations of this video. It does an excellent job of explaining consent in very simple terms. Getting down into the weeds now. In the lifestyle for the newbies listening, consent is king. Consent is number one. Consent is one of the central pillars of the lifestyle, along with body positivity and sexual freedom. Consent is non-negotiable. A no means no and is a no, like I shared in my story earlier. That nice lady said no. Okay, I'm done. We are done. I am not indulging that brat bullshit, by the way, ever. Consent is important to what we do because we have sex. And by disregarding the rules of consent, we open ourselves up to bad experiences, bad vibes, possible legal ramifications. I cannot stress how important consent is to what we do. Consent can only be given directly and verbally, maybe via text, but it has to be given. It is never implied. And to illustrate this, let's play what is not consent. Alright, number one, a person's presence at an event is not consent. Just because a person is at a swinger party, that is not consent. Tell you a story. We were at a party and big dance floor full of people. There was this dude drunk off his ass in his underwear and he had a flogger in his hand. And a flogger, if you don't know, it's like a handle and it's got these little, usually leather, maybe velvet strips that come out of it. And this man was whacking random women. I saw this and I didn't like it. And I kept my eye on this son of a bitch. And I don't like that because I didn't see him asking consent or permission to hit these ladies with an object. Granted, I don't know every fucking conversation he had that night leading up to his drunken adventure, but I'm positive he did not ask all these women for permission to hit them because he did not ask my wife. Dun, foresh Swingers. I don't get it. When they get a flogger or a riding crop in their hand, they go ape shit stupid. They will think everyone wants to get hit. Haha, playfully. Teehee. No, motherfucker. It hurts. Don't fucking hit me and certainly don't hit my wife, which he did. I was watching this dude and I went to go get a drink. And my wife told me later that night that, yeah, he popped her when I walked away. And she turned around and gave him the death stare and told him, do not do that again. This is an extreme example to set the stage. This dude was assuming incorrectly that by my wife being present in this room, she wanted to get hit with a flogger. Flat out wrong. Now, I know people are cringing at the story and agreeing, yeah, that dude fucked up. It illustrates my point about consent. Proximity, being in this room, is not consent. The way a person is dressed is not consent either. I have been at parties where women are running around in lingerie or just full-on naked. To the men of the lifestyle's credit, for the most part, we don't assume consent to be touched based on what a woman is wearing. Or a man, for that matter. Never assume that what a person is wearing gives implied consent to touch them. Ever. What else is not consent? Okay, here's one. Two couples. Couple A, couple B. If wife A kisses husband B, that does not mean husband A can now kiss wife B at all. There is no reciprocity in the lifestyle, and I've seen this happen. Do thinks, well, you kissed my wife, now I am entitled to kiss your wife. No, motherfucker, you still have to ask my wife. You still need her consent. You still need permission. You were not owed attention by my wife because your wife gave me attention. This one's going to sound harsh, but a person in the audience needs to hear it. If you have to ask for forgiveness, you fucked up. You ever heard the person is receptive. I don't know. That's wrong. That's wrong. Just because you want to try it and think maybe it might fucking work, that's vanilla bullshit. That's vanilla dude thinking. You're in the lifestyle. You're better than that. And okay, okay, give you an example of an extreme example that could apply to all genders, really. Let's say you have this attitude. You know, you have the attitude, it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission. Well, I'm just going to kiss that woman and I'm going to grab her and pull her into my lap without asking for permission first. And if she doesn't like it, oh, ha ha, tee hee, I can just ask her to forgive me. Or ladies, I'll just grab his pecker. Oops, it was an accident. Shit like that. Okay, how would you feel if during a sexual encounter, a person just rammed a thumb up your ass? No lube, no warning, no discussion ahead of time. Finger right in the hole. And Grant, there are some people who like surprise thumb. Most people actually don't like surprise thumb. But oh, Jason, this is not applicable because it's a matter of degrees. A kiss is innocent and sweet, while anal violation, that's a much bigger deal. Is it though? It's the same concept. You are physically violating another person's body autonomy. That's it. No matter the degree. That is what the fuck is happening here. You are forcing your body onto their body without permission, i.e. violating consent. That is why consent matters. We have to respect the body autonomy of others, the infallible, infinite self of another in a way that does not force our body onto theirs without permission. But oh, but it's innocent. I was being playful. It's not that bad. You're just being too uptight. Fucking great. Have that attitude. Let me stick my thumb up your ass while making intense eye contact and you tell me it's not that bad. Okay, full disclosure, my lovely wife contributed to the previous paragraphs, by the way. Before I leave today, I want to give special attention to liquor or drugs or adult substances that people may do to enhance the fun of an experience. And I'm going to use my strong words here for everyone. If someone is drunk, don't fuck them. If someone is too drunk to consent and their spouse is now speaking for them, agreeing for them, saying it's okay. Don't fuck them. Their spouse cannot give consent for them. Fight me if you don't like the answer. Yes, people will drink or do other substances in the lifestyle. It happens. I acknowledge that. But there's a line that should not be crossed. And you know this. Do not let your horny brain override your common sense and decency here. If a person has to get plastered drunk to have sex in the lifestyle, they need to reevaluate their fucking life choices and participation in this. Realistically, I get that, yes, you may have a pre-existing relationship with a couple, everyone feels comfortable, and you may engage in drunk sex with them. You had consent prior to the evening, there's still a line there that we need to respect. PREPRECONCEPRECONCEPRECONCEPRECON along with blanket consent that I talked about earlier. Run through a scenario. You and your spouse are chatting with a couple. Through text, everyone establishes desire and consent ahead of time. The night of naughty time arrives. The other couple, let's say the wife, decides she really needs four Long Island iced teas and a couple of shots. She is hammered beyond recognition. She can't keep her eyes open to the table. And the other husband still wants to party. Now, this is a good time to stop and talk to your spouse about what you will do in this situation. My answer, just to tell you, is we stop. We are done. We do not proceed. The issue here is that other woman cannot consent in this moment. And yeah, we had consent prior to tonight, but she threw that out the window and she also threw up. As I mentioned earlier, consent is specific and consent must be agreed upon in the moment when it is needed. Taking my example a step further, you're hanging out with a friend couple. All four of you have been fucking each other happily for years. The plan for tonight is to engage in fun and the other wife gets hammered. The show should still stop. Even if you have this pre-existing relationship, even with years of consent, she's not in the right place. She's not in a good place to have sex tonight. You reschedule for another opportunity. That's the best call. Do not think with your horny brain on this. Just shut it down. Coming across as an asshole right now, I acknowledge that. But we all need to be firm here. If someone is not in a state to have sex, you need to step up, say something, and stop it. There will be more opportunities. And going back to my other story I was talking about, let's say we got the drunk wife, four Long Island iced teas, and a couple of shots, she's shit-faced, and the other husband is really horny and still wants to play. He even tries to convince you that, oh, no, no, my wife is good. This is normal. She's fine. She always gets this drunk before sex, even with me. Ha. You need to stop, man. That's a real problem.
Speaker2: That's a real problem. That's fine. She always gets this drunk before sex, even with me. Ha ha ha. You need to stop, man. That's a red flag. That means he does not respect his wife enough to shut this down. I see this as a huge fucking problem, and I've seen it in person. His wife is not functional. She needs a nap and water, not dick right now. This is a problem. This couple you should not be fucking around with. If he does not respect his wife enough to take care of her in her time of need, he will not respect your wife when you're all being intimate. And that's a pretty heavy note to end on today. Haha, thanks for hanging out with me. That's consent. I probably didn't cover everything I needed to. I know there are other situations that are going to come up. I will most likely do another episode on this very soon because I think I have more to say. Consent is simple and it is complicated. It's simple rules to abide by that can be complicated in dynamic situations. Look, it always comes down to ask. Never assume. Check in often. Check for consent often. And remember the fries. I always appreciate hearing your feedback and comments on episodes or suggestions for topics, so feel free to reach out to me at host at thatotherlifestyle.com. My website is thatotherlifestyle.com. My personal disclaimer, I am not a medical professional nor a trained and certified educator of any kind in any way. I am a guy with a microphone sharing my personal experiences with you. This podcast is for entertainment purposes only, and please join us for the next episode. Remember, STI testing is important, and it takes a community to make a difference. Go to stdhero.com and use my promo code TOL15 for 15% off your order. Whatever you may do today, I hope you have a fantastic time doing it. Know that you are appreciated and loved. Have a great day.