Compersion in Action

Transcript

Speaker1: Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. Wherever you are, I hope you have blue skies. Welcome to that other lifestyle podcast. I am your host, Jason. Leave vanilla behind as we talk about compersion and action. This podcast is for adults only. We'll be diving into adult and sexual topics with plenty of bad words, so it is not safe for work. If you're under 18, this is not the place for you. This show is all about exploring the lifestyle and ethical non-monogamy, and it's open to everyone, no matter your background, gender identity, expression, or your personal truth. While I do my best to use inclusive language, you might hear terms like husband, wife, or partner for simplicity's sake. This show is for everyone, though, Lifestyle, Vanilla, or Just the Curious. You want to connect with me, you can send me an email to host at thatotherlifestyle.com or visit my website at thatotherlifestyle.com. Everyone here is welcome because the lifestyle is so much more than you think. You may have noticed I did not do an episode last week. That was not planned. I had a script ready to go, this script. I recorded it and I wasn't happy with it. The reason is my fucking back hurt. It was crippling. Could not stand up straight kind of pain. Like my spine was trying to jump out of my fucking body. I wish I could say I had a really cool story for why it happened. Like I was in the middle of an orgy and four women piled on top of me. And while trying to satisfy all four of them, I pulled a muscle. No, fuck me. No. Unsexy truth is I pulled it at the gym. It was not serious. I don't need medical attention, but I think and feel that it perfected my, it affected my performance while recording the episode last week. And when it hurts to breathe, you can't breathe well while talking. And I can't let a good script or an idea go to waste, though. So today, today's a good one. And look, I know the bar is higher for me, and I like it that way. You're not here for just another moan and groan swinger podcast peddling sex stories to the vanilla crowd like it's OnlyFans with better lighting. That's not my jam. I don't enjoy those kind of stories. I feel I, I feel I don't sell sex on the show. I sell the lifestyle, real connection, real growth, and real honest talk and observations based on my experience, not what an algorithm is going to like. I could sit here and tell you all of my sexy stories. That'd be fucking easy and maybe a little sweaty, but that's not the point. I'm here to help you go out and create your own wild, wonderful, and maybe awkward stories. And I fucking love awkward stories, and that is half the fun collecting those. If you tune in every week, damn it, I appreciate you for it, no matter where you are on this wonderful planet. And if you've recommended this show to a friend, I owe you a big hug. A hug so good, it might require me to ask for consent first. Thank you for being here. So let's keep making this the most sex-positive, drama-free, community-centered lifestyle show out there, minus the moaning soundtrack. What was the topic that was so good, so amazing that I needed to be fully healed to do it justice? Compersion. I want to talk about compersion this week, specifically putting compersion in action. I've done two episodes already about this enigmatic force that drives the lifestyle before, and I needed more. I had to have, and I wanted to add more to the conversation today. I want to share what compersion in action looks like, how to show compersion to your partner and the ways that this weird emotion permeates the lifestyle. Backing up for the new folks in the audience, hi, welcome. My two episodes about compersion have been my most popular so far according to Total Download, so go take a listen to them and learn with me today. I've been wanting to do another episode on this topic, though I needed to wait. I had to wait for inspiration to hit me and as usual, the idea for this episode came from a party about two weeks ago. We were hosting our annual crawfish boil, me and my wife at our house. 70 pounds of crawfish and shrimp and crabs and sausage and potatoes. 20 or 30 lifestyle friends. This is the big event that we host every year for our local lifestyle tribe to kick off the summer season. A friend of ours, she brought a new couple to the gathering. She introduced me to her lady friend as Jason. He has a podcast and is really good. Before she could say another sentence, I hugged her for that one. Then my friend told me that she loved the episodes on compersion. She said the episodes helped her to understand the concept because it was something she struggled with when her and her spouse joined the lifestyle. She shared that she had had trouble doing compersion, feeling that emotion, not feeling jealousy, being able to really get compersion, just get up in there, which is totally normal to struggle with this. Don't think you are not normal for wrestling with compersion and these feelings. I'm going to talk about that in a little bit. Now, listen, I may not be doing this conversation justice. Honestly, by that point of the night, she could have been speaking French or fucking Klingon for all I know. I'd been partying since noon and this happened around like eight o'clock at eight or nine o'clock at night, which in party time is like next week. By then, I was deep into the holy trinity of drinking, feasting, and aggressively celebrating life with titties. You know that beautiful blurry point where you're not quite drunk because you sobered up a little bit? You're barefoot for some reason, you don't know why? I was not wearing the same clothes I started the day in. Yeah, that's where I was. Oh, and hey, we did start a new tradition that night. Around midnight, as folks began to peel off, instead of following the classic swinger script of, hey, let's go get frisky, it's like, no, fuck that. We said, who serves breakfast right now? So we skipped the sex and we went straight to breakfast because nothing says, I'm a grownup, sexy, and slightly buzzed like smothered biscuits and late-night hash browns. 10 out of 10 would recommend this. I may not remember the other high points of the conversation I had with her, but drunk Jason did remember to put the idea away in the filing cabinet in my brain for later reference. Sober Jason the next day while I was recovering, cleaning up after the party, rolling around the conversation in my head. I had to ask, is compersion something we do? Can you do compersion? Is it just an action or an emotion? Is it an impetus or motivation that we can act on or just feel? And if we can act on it, does that mean we can get better at it? Like working out. If I lift weights, my muscles will get bigger. If we actively use and foster compersion, do we get better at it? See the trail of questions forming? Following these questions to their logical start or end, how do we work out our compersion muscles? And hey, new folks, you may be confused, and I don't want anyone to be confused, so I need to explain what the fuck is compersion? Did I randomly make up this word? Did I misspell compression repeatedly to the consternation of Microsoft Word? No, I'm willing to bet. First time here, you've never heard this word before. It is coined by a hippie commune in the 1990s in San Francisco. Compersion is an emotion. It is a good word. It's a new word. The word is being embraced by the world at large by publications like The Atlantic and Psychology Today. So what is it? Compersion is the joy we feel when another person feels joy that is not directly our doing. Simple enough. If you're in the lifestyle, you will get asked by vanilla people, why? Why do we do this? Or how can we watch our spouse getting sexed up by another person? They can't wrap their brains around it. And I feel the reason the concept is so hard to grasp is that there is not an accepted term for this emotion that the lifestyle creates in people out in the vanilla world. We have words for happiness or joy or sadness or anger or jealousy. But out of the vanilla world, there is no word for when we feel happiness and joy for another person when we are not the cause of that joy. That's compersion. The closest approximation in the vanilla world I think we may have is altruism, but there's a difference between altruism and compersion. Compersion is feeling your partner's joy as an emotional resonance. It is about shared happiness. It is happiness that we may not be the source of. Happiness is coming from an external source that we then internalize. Altruism is acting a way to benefit others, i.e. make them happy, at a cost or an inconvenience for yourself. It is self-sacrifice or generosity without personal gain. Compersion feels like enjoying seeing your partner fulfilled, even if you are not the one doing the fulfillment. Altruism is doing the right thing, even if it does not feel good. You can perform an altruistic act of kindness to the detriment of yourself. You perform acts of compersion to the benefit I don't know. I don acts of compersion to the benefit of yourself and others. That's a deep thought right there on the difference between those two. The end results are someone is made happy or fulfilled, but internally, compersion leads you to your own happiness while altruism may not. Another difference is compersion is based in wanting, wanting to feel this type of joy, while altruism has an obligation connotation. I'm doing something nice for someone because I have to kind of thing. Story time to illustrate my thesis statement about compersion and action. There's a new restaurant in town. Everyone is talking about it. Social media, which, hey, do you follow me on social media? TikTok, Instagram, Facebook? I have the same name everywhere. That other lifestyle? Anyway, this restaurant. This place is going viral. They just got a Michelin star this week and you're pretty sure you saw Gordon Ramsay lurking in the background of one of their Instagram posts whispering, fuck yeah, finally something good. Naturally, you and your spouse make a reservation. Saturday night, it is happening. Your foodgasm fantasy. All week long, you were creeping on this restaurant's Facebook page like a hungry, thirsty ex. You're zooming in on the truffle foam. You're figuring out what the fucking aioli is, reading reviews like you're preparing for a final exam. You're not even trying to hide it at this point. Every night you corner your spouse after they get out of the shower is like, hey, can we talk about the menu again? Finally, Saturday night rolls around. You are vibrating with excitement while you're brushing your teeth. You do not eat all morning because you don't want to waste precious stomach space on something as basic as bullshit breakfast. This is a secret fast. You arrive at the restaurant early. Fashionably early? No, you are 30 minutes early, like a pilgrim at the Temple of Fine Dining. Your spouse chuckles nervously, watching you sniff the air like a bloodhound that just caught the scent of seared duck breast. You're seated, napkin in your lap, game face on. The waiter starts listing out all the specials, but you wave him off. Sir, please. I've been manifesting this menu for five days. I already know what I want and what wine pairs with it. The anticipation is so thick you could spread it on toast. Then it happens. The plates arrive, shimmering like a milf climbing out of a pool. Your spouse takes the first bite. Their eyes flutter. A single tear rolls down their cheek. You swear you see their soul just float right out of their body and they whisper, thank you. And you, you're just fucking watching all this. You haven't even touched your fork yet. You were completely mesmerized by the pleasure on their face. This is it. This is the pinnacle of joy. You didn't cook this meal. You didn't plate it. Hell, you didn't even grow the organic microgreens, but you were giddy because they are in bliss. That right there, my friends, is compersion. And yeah, if you're into hot wifing, you might be getting some parallel familiar vibes right now. And you're not wrong. Watching your partner devour the best thing they've ever tasted while you are basking in their joy like a proud, slightly hungry, slightly hangry spectator is exactly the energy I'm talking about. Compersion is not just about sex. It's about finding happiness in your partner's happiness. It is joy without ego, excitement without possession, love without a scoreboard. And whether it's a Michelin star meal or a five-star night in someone else's bed, compersion is watching your partner glow and being genuinely thrilled just to witness that light. The contrast with altruism, you are not sacrificing anything in this moment for your spouse's happiness. You're with them at that restaurant enjoying their contentment with the meal. It does not detract from your enjoyment of the meal. You're not sacrificing anything for their enjoyment. It enhances the experience for both of you and damn it, it feels good. Risqué is doing it again, bigger and better this time. Three words, glow, holograms, topless. Join that other lifestyle as we party at the Risqué Lifestyle Glow Party, May 2nd and May 3rd in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Tickets are available at risquélifestyleparties.com. Experience cutting-edge hologram and light show technology as Risqué turns it up to 11 all night long. You can glow and dance and party till 4 a.m. with all your sexy lifestyle friends at this one-of-a-kind hotel takeover. Friday night is an Area 69-themed party when all the aliens will arrive. Bring your best science fiction or alien costume. Saturday is the topless pool party. Yes, topless. Then get your favorite rave costume or outfit ready for the wildest glow party you have ever seen. Tickets are available at risquélifestyleparties.com. May 2nd and 3rd. Join us for an out-of-this-world glow party you do not want to miss. Hey, are you a newbie and nervous about doing your first STI test? Worried about someone finding out? Worried about having an awkward conversation with your doctor or having to go to a lab? Good news! STDHero.com offers discreet-at-home STI testing. Choose from their common, advanced, or ultimate testing kits to give you peace of mind and no awkward, embarrassing conversations. STD Hero tests are painless, no finger sticks, and you can mail in your results straight from your mailbox. Nothing is sexier than being responsible in the lifestyle. And now is your chance to get peace of mind and back to the fun with a special promo code. Use code TOL15 at checkout for 15% off your order. If you are nervous about taking your test, check out Jason taking a real at home STD hero STI test on the That Other Lifestyle YouTube channel. Compersion can't exist in the vanilla world. We just don't call it compersion. What would you call the feeling you have in that moment? Think about it. You're happy. Is there any word in the vanilla lexicon that fits that adequately gives quantitative justice and glory to that feeling? In the lifestyle, I meet people who tell me they enjoy watching their spouses in sexual situations with others. They enjoy seeing their spouses pleasured. They enjoy seeing their spouses as confident sexual beings. What's funny is that people will devote a hundred words to trying to explain this feeling because they don't know there is a single word for that feeling. Compersion. It can take many forms. You're not just locked into the aspect of, my partner had an orgasm, yay, I'm happy for them. You can feel compersion when your spouse is the center of attention at a party. You can feel compersion when someone flirts with your spouse. Your spouse can feel compersion for you when they know you're having a good time either with or without clothes. For newbies, joining the lifestyle. Without this word and framework, y'all can get lost in your emotions. Trying to apply vanilla concepts of relationships to the lifestyle? It ain't going to work. This is a whole different world over here. Without words to help quantify what you feel, you start grasping. Trying to fit these new sensations into a context your brain is going to understand. Going back to my story of the orgasmic restaurant, what would you call that feeling if you don't know the word compersion? You would rattle off a bunch of words to try to provide context and meaning and still be lacking. Newbies lack a word to quantify a feeling. This new sensation of happiness, seeing their spouse in action, it feels good. It feels real good. It is arousing and you just, you enjoy it. Not quite sure how to define it. That lack of definition can be a problem. Without a vessel like it were to contain and define that feeling, there is a danger that a feeling of happiness can be mislabeled as actually something bad or a negative emotion. Like you were a bad person for feeling joy in this moment, watching your wife get some good dick. These emotions without a name, they can run wild, around in your brain from positive to negative. And since I don't shy away from any topic, let's talk about the emotions you may feel when you see your partner with another person. On one side, there will be positive emotions if and only if you are going into this with the right mindset from the get-go. When you feel this unnamed feeling, your mindset will determine whether it lands in the positive or the negative side of the equation. Remember, the lifestyle, it is not here to save your marriage, fix your marriage, redeem your marriage. These acts are voluntary and we do them to enhance our marriage. If you go into any encounter with a mindset that this will going that this if you go into an encounter with a mindset that this will enhance our marriage bring us together an activity we are experiencing together for the purpose of enjoyment approaching it with positive intentions that right there will foster compersion that will help you have a positive outlook on the emotions you may be feeling now or later if you go into an encounter though with doubt, reservations, thoughts that you were inadequate, or you're only doing this to make your spouse happy, that will not foster compersion. This will lead you down the path of shame and anxiety after which are very negative emotions that will sour your experience in the lifestyle. And after the encounter, all the fuckery is done. You're back home. You have showered. You two are laying in bed together. What emotion will be in the space between you? Happiness that you shared a wonderful moment or noxious, anxious thoughts running through your mind all night? Did he enjoy himself with her more than me? How come she doesn't make those noises with me? Did she have an orgasm? My husband seemed like he really liked that blowjob. Did he like it better than mine? Some people say jealousy is the opposite of compersion. I say no. Anxiety is the opposite of compersion. Compersion is happiness and contentment that can exist in a rested, still mind. Anxiety, by its nature, is restless and not content. And speaking Speaking of jealousy really quick, for our purposes, jealousy is a tool to help us divine the true source of our insecurities. When we feel jealous or even anxious, we have to look inside first and then share second. If you did have a bad experience that is leaving your brain all twisted, I need you to ask yourself, why do I feel this way? What was it about this encounter that makes me feel this way? Did I go into this with a clear and positive mindset? We can't accurately share our feelings until we have a handle on them internally. Think about what happened during the encounter that you liked or did not like. Did your spouse do something that you did not like? And as a side note here, I promise 99 out of 100 times, whatever slight you think happened was probably completely innocent and they didn't realize it was an issue. Assume positive intent on your spouse's part. Give them the benefit of a doubt here. Once you have a handle on your feelings, then you need to share them. Share how you feel with your spouse. Go through the positive and the negative emotions you are feeling at this moment. The number one benefit of being in the lifestyle I hear from couples is that communication gets better. Now is the fucking time to communicate. Getting your spouse's perspective also will help you understand what you experienced better. Sharing is not just for negative emotions either. In the same moment, you could share all the positives you experienced, all the things you did enjoy. If you want to foster compersion with your spouse, talk. Talk about the good stuff. Talk about how you enjoyed it when he picked up the other wife and put her against the wall. Talk about how you enjoyed seeing your wife in the middle of a pile of people. Look, you cannot force compersion. If you do not feel it, no force is going to make you feel it. The lack of feeling compersion could be an issue you need to address though with your partner. If you don't feel compersion, ask yourself, is it because I don't feel anything at all or I feel negative emotions instead? If you feel negative emotions, you need to talk that out. That may be insecurity or anxiety overriding your ability to even feel compersion. If you don't feel compersion at all, meaning you don't feel anything at all before, during, or after an encounter, you need to figure out why. Is there a mental block holding you back from feeling any emotion? I ain't a psychologist. I can say compersion does enhance the lifestyle. It is a motivating emotion for what we do. The lack of any emotion, I would see as concerning. That's something that needs a deeper dive on your part. Not making an assessment of good or bad here. Just you need honestly, you need to be honest with yourself and why you're doing this. That was super fucking heavy, Jason. Guess what? I'm not done yet. Compersion extends beyond your personal relationships. It can, it could, I dare say it needs to. You can be happy for your spouse having a good time. What about other couples in the lifestyle? Hear me out. Throwing this one out there. Do you feel compersion when couples you are friends with have a good time with another couple? As in, they ain't fucking you. They're fucking someone else and you're happy for them. Compersion is not just locked in with your spouse. I know it is a quiet part of the lifestyle. People rarely share who else they're fucking while they're hanging out with a couple. My wife and I usually just say, we hung out with them. We'd leave it nebulous if we actually did anything. And that phrase could encompass, yeah, we did a six-hour fuckfest with these other people or we legit sat around and played cards all night. We are acknowledging we spent time with them and just sparing the details. Think about it though. Would you be happy for one of your sexy friends if they had sex with someone else? It is a weird concept to wrap your head around. I at least want to throw it out there. It is possible, right? I can be happy for one of our friends getting laid. I bring this up because I experienced this and I had to flip an emotion, intentionally step in the way of what could be a negative feeling and say, no, stop that shit. We were at a spicy party. Spicy party being the kind of party that people show up to with the intention of fucking versus a nice, good, calm crawfish boil where the intention is to eat a whole bunch of seafood and wash your hands really good spices and genitals are not a good combination anyway a few years ago my wife and i were at a spicy party that was evolving into a full-blown fucking orgy people were getting naked clothes were coming off was i in the mood for fuckery not really my wife wasn't either our original intention was just to make an appearance and stop by. Then we couldn't figure out how to gracefully duck out. There was one of our friend couples there. We had done stuff with them before and we did stuff with them after at this point. Our friend couple started to engage with a different couple. It happens. This though caused negative feelings in me. I felt at that moment unworthy. I was questioning why I wasn't involved, I was dejected, and this is wrong. I acknowledge this way of thinking is wrong, but I am still a human. I had to stop myself. I had to stop that train of thought at that exact moment and reframe it manually. This is one way to help you find compersion. In action, walking you through a real example I experienced. I was feeling dejected and rejected. I will fucking admit that. This was me though. I acknowledged what I was feeling was an emotion in my head. It belonged to me. No one did anything on purpose. No one did anything intentional to me. There were outside factors on why I couldn't participate in the fun. My wife and I made a conscious decision that night. We really just weren't up for it. Our friends were fully in the right to engage with another couple since they wanted to do some fuckery with somebody. I stepped into my brain and I looked at the situation. I could either be upset or choose the other option. I could be happy for them. And I chose to be happy for them. My friends were getting to have fun, getting to have fun with a couple that I knew they were scoping out for a while. I didn't need to participate and it was not my place to join. We did not have an exclusive agreement with this couple. They can do whatever the fuck they want, just like me and my wife could do whatever the fuck we wanted. I could be happy for them, and I'm genuinely happy for them. I share this to show that, yeah, even the guy with the podcast who rambles every week about this, I feel emotions too. I am people too. We all do. You may have a moment you feel weird with your spouse or with another couple or a single person I get it reframing though is a powerful tool analyzing your emotions taking a step back figuring out what you're really feeling and then reframing it and no I didn't say anything to my friends because it wasn't my place to say anything they didn't do anything intentional that that's the thing with these emotions. When someone intentionally does something, then yes, speak up. But if it is just me feeling an emotion in my brain, it's mine to work through, not theirs. To my credit, I have gotten better over the years at reframing my emotions, which I think just comes with fucking experience and exposure in this. Nothing will replace your lived experience in the lifestyle. That was me intentionally reframing a negative emotion into a positive. That is compersion in action. Cue dramatic voiceover to get your attention. Are you ready to upgrade your lifestyle? Whether you are looking for the best products, essentials for unforgettable nights, or just want to know what works in the world of ethical non-monogamy and swinging, That Other Lifestyle has got you covered. At bennable.com slash thatotherlifestyle, you will find the must-have items to enhance your lifestyle journey. From sexy and sensual to practical and playful, these are the products personally recommended by this podcast. No more guesswork. No more wasted money. Just the best tools to make your lifestyle experience smoother sexier and more exciting head over to benable.com slash that other lifestyle now and explore the list because in this world the right gear makes all the difference in a city known for sin comes an event like no other I'll see you next time. in a city known for sin comes an event like no other june 2025 las vegas will be taken over the biggest lifestyle party on the planet is coming hotel takeovers after parties that never end, and the hottest lifestyle couples from across the globe, ready to ignite the night. This is not just a weekend. This is a once-in-a-lifetime adventure. Join that other lifestyle for a gathering so epic it can only happen in Las Vegas. National Lifestyle Weekend 2025. Be there or live with the FOMO forever. Tickets available at thatotherlifestyle.com. And what else can we do to foster compulsion? Because little actions add up to big results. As always, I'm here for you. I got a list. Let's talk about verbal cues and action. You may not be the most verbal person. Your words never betray your inner thoughts. Now is a good time to fucking start if you want to try and become more comfortable by offering encouragement to your spouse, your best friend, right? This could be telling them how good they looked at a party or how much you enjoy seeing them flirting with someone. It could be as simple as giving them a peck on the cheek and telling them good job after they gave another person an earthquake orgasm. Your intent here is to express directly and honestly what you are feeling. Don't worry about the words. The words will escape you in the moment and that's fine. That verbal reinforcement is still powerful. It shows your spouse that you are happy for them. It shows your spouse you are enjoying yourself. And by saying words of encouragement, you are thereby hearing words of encouragement coming out of your own mouth into your own ears. A simple good job and a pat on the ass just like those big barley sports players. And speaking of touching butts, physical affection. That works too. This is holding hands during sex with other people, hugging them in public, using your body to communicate happiness in a moment. Not complicated. We are not sitting on anyone's face in appreciation, though you could. Just yell out, good job, Jason, and then jump on my face for a beard ride. Finally, just a simple smile at the right moment communicates books of information. It tells me my spouse is having a good time. They're in a comfortable situation. They are calm and excited about what's going on. People underestimate the value of a smile, and a real smile, not that half-hearted smirk of content. I mean big toothy grin. When my wife and I are in social situations, I am genuinely and honestly watching her and her mannerisms. She's the kind of person who may not use words to communicate her emotions, but after 20 years together, I got a pretty good read on her body language. That tells me what I need to know. It tells me if she is comfortable or uncomfortable. If she's not enjoying a moment, I know I need to step in. Being mindful of compersion and using your body language and words to communicate joy, I fully admit, is a strange thought. A vanilla world. Don't you dare fucking express happiness physically. Don't fidget. Don't smile. Don't make eye contact. Don't sway to music inside your own head. In the lifestyle though, we need that type of communication. And the benefit is if you are comfortable sharing joy, then it is easier to share not joy. If you're comfortable saying, I am good with this, it gets a lot easier saying, I am not good with this. Thinking this through, I say it is easier to share really when we are unhappy with a situation via body language, like resting bitch face, arms crossed, pensive tense. Sharing joy with body language feels strange, but it's perfectly natural. We need to reprogram ourselves to express it freely without hesitation or worry of judgment. We don't have to think about if we're having a good time. We just are. But then we do think about it and immediately catch ourselves. No, let the emotions flow. Stop stopping yourself from having a good time. Stop catching yourself and changing your mannerisms because you think they are awkward or not acceptable behavior. Laugh, smile, giggle, sway with the music of life. These actions show others that you are confident in yourself and they are sexy as hell. We've defined compersion, what compersion looks like. We talked about compersion and action. Since everything can be defined by its opposite, what does compersion not look like? I will say conditional support, as in you are only supportive of your partner's actions if they behave in a manner that you have constructed in your brain that you have not fucking told them. I admit conditional support is a loaded way to say this. Rules and boundaries are technically conditional support. You are saying I will support your behavior as long as you abide by the rules and boundaries we have agreed upon. The key word there is we, a couple, you both have discussed and established your operating procedures versus you in your own fucking head creating guidelines for your spouse, ways for them to act that you have not communicated with them. How do you expect them to honor your thoughts when you have not shared them with your spouse? If someone is abiding by a couple's rules, then support of their actions should be unconditional within reason. If you're thinking the whole time, my wife better not kiss him or I'm gonna get upset, I have to ask, do you have a rule against kissing? And if you say no, man, that's fucked up. Comparsion cannot exist if you're going into a situation with deception or ill intent. If you have all these thoughts running through your head of limits and guides and things you don't want to happen, but you don't tell anybody, that's fucked up. Comparsion cannot grow in a field of resentment. If you're harboring feelings of resentment, then of course you can't be happy for your partner. Give you an example. Let's say as a couple, you meet another couple and decide to get naked. The other husband's dick ain't working that night, but your husband lays down the fucking hammer. He gets laid and has fun. You don't. If that happens enough, that will create resentment. Your husband gets to have fun while you sit on the sidelines with a man with a floppy dick. Or another one, looking at this as a zero-sum game. Like, there's only so much happiness to go around. If my wife has too good of a time, if she experiences too much pleasure, then that is taking pleasure away from me. Happiness and pleasure are infinite. Or thinking that as a couple, you both had to experience the exact same level of happiness in an encounter? Not sure how you measure that. Look, honest truth here. Sometimes you will have a lot of fun. Sometimes you won't. Sometimes your spouse is going to have more fun than you. All these scenarios fucking happen all the time. It doesn't mean anyone lost the game because this isn't a fucking game where you keep score. Enjoy the ride, except there will be good times and not good times. All right, another one. Give us more, Jason. Performative compersion. Faking it, straight up faking. You don't feel compersion, so you fake it. You pretend like you're enjoying something. Don't do this either. If you're not feeling it, say something. Faking that you're having a good time or you're happy for your spouse leads to a world of hurt. You need to share your lack of compersion with your spouse. Don't do things because you think it will make them happy either. That is one of the worst things you can do. Going along with that is suppressing negative emotions you may feel. It is okay to feel jealousy or insecurity or being anxious. Our hobby is having sex with people we meet on the internet. By its very nature, the lifestyle is chaotic and wild, but suppressing your emotions through all of this chaos, good or bad, it's going to make it impossible for you to enjoy what we do. Do not ignore your feelings. They are valid and you need to share them with your spouse. You are a team in this. Comparsion is a muscle that we need to work. It is an emotion we can get better at by acknowledging it, fostering it, and allowing it the space to grow. Before I cut out today, I have an announcement. I think I'm going to jump to making videos, slowly and delicately, teasing it like a super sensitive clitoris. I plan on making videos on my YouTube channel, That Other Lifestyle, in addition to this regular audio podcast. Now you can get even more, Jason, in your ear holes every week. I did a video last week demonstrating how to take an STI test sponsored by stdhero.com. Wonderful company. Highly recommend them. If you are a newbie and you're intimidated by taking your first STI test, and yes, I know it is intimidating because I was intimidated the first time we took an STI test, please go watch the video. I hope it helps. Fuck me. this is a long episode. I always appreciate hearing your feedback and comments on episodes or suggestions for topics, so feel free to reach out to me at host at thatotherlifestyle.com and my website, thatotherlifestyle.com. My personal disclaimer, I am not a medical professional nor a trained and certified educator of any way and any kind. I am a guy with a microphone sharing my personal experiences with you. This podcast is for entertainment purposes only, and please join us for the next episode. Remember, STI testing is important and takes a community to make a difference. Go to stdhero.com and use my promo code TOL15 for 15% off your order. Whatever you may do today, I hope you have a fantastic time doing it. Know that you are appreciated and loved. Have a great day.