Come In, Come In: A Lifestyle Christmas Carol

Transcript

Speaker1: Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, and happy holidays. Wherever you are, I hope you have blue skies, a breeze on your back, and sand between your toes. Welcome to The Other Lifestyle Podcast. I am your host, Jason. Leave vanilla behind as we talk about asshole ghost. This show is for adults only. We'll talk about sex, relationships, the lifestyle, and ethical non-monogamy in an honest way with lots of real talk. if you are under 18, this is your only warning to go find a different show right now. Around here on the beaches of sexual freedom, consent, education, and good times, everyone is welcome, lifestyle, vanilla, or the curious. Whatever your gender identity, expression, truth, flavor, you are welcome here. I do my best to use inclusive language, though you may hear words like husband or wife or man or woman to keep my life simple. You want to connect, you can send me an email to host at thatotherlifestyle.com. Go to my website, thatotherlifestyle.com. which I am 95% sure I'm going to be able to update next week. And use my promo code TOL15 for 15% off your order at stdhero.com. Testing takes the community to make a difference so go get STI tested and be safe out there. For the best lifestyle parties check out risque lifestyle parties.com. We love their vibe attitude and always have fun and I promise you will too. Come in come in and know me better man. I love that line. It is so warm and that line is from A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. I am positive that everyone listening has seen a movie version of it. I don't know anybody who read the actual book. For the three people who have not seen it, The Ghost of Christmas Present yells, come in, come in, and know me better, man, whenever he greets Scrooge for the first time. In the scene, The Ghost of Christmas Present is a big hulking man with a beard, kind of reminds me of myself. who is loud and happy. Again, it reminds me of myself. The room is warmly lit and there is a feast spread out before him. And just to clarify, have I read this book? Fuck no, it's huge. But it is a yearly tradition that my wife and I watch the Muppets version at least once during the holidays. There are two Christmas movies we commit to watching around the holidays, The Muppets Christmas Carol and Arthur Christmas. Last weekend, we crawled up on the couch, made some spiked hot chocolate, and we settled in for furry I promise this relates to the lifestyle somehow. The holidays. I am determined to get this episode done this week, which will be dropping maybe early, maybe on Christmas Eve, maybe Christmas Day. It is my present to all of you. This year, the lifestyle, this time of year, the lifestyle just kind of goes to sleep. It goes quiet because a lot of people have family and vanilla obligations. So look, if I can provide a little heathen ray of light during the gloom of winter, I know the awkwardness of having to turn off my lifestyle persona in favor of a muted vanilla countenance. Last weekend, we went to a friend's vanilla Christmas party, and we're making small talk with a group of people, and somehow it came up about costumes and dressing up. This very nice lady we were talking to went to throw a costume party for New Year's Eve. Now, this whole thing, 100% vanilla. My wife starts giving advice on where to get costumes, ideas, Outfits, themes, and this little circle of people around us were mesmerized. One of them asked, well, where do we go to dress up like this? And my wife, without missing a beat, said, we go to raves. We're in our 40s, sharing that we go to raves. The women we were talking to, they blinked as if their brains shut down at the realization that, holy shit, raves still happen. I could see longing in their faces at the idea of getting to Dress Up and Party and Have Fun. We did not disclose the lifestyle or swingery at that moment to them. We talked ahead of time. We decided to keep that shit under wraps at this party. And it shows me how badly the vanilla world wants to do what we do. Even without the sex, they want the energy and the experiences that we sometimes take for granted. Then, we watched The Muppet's Christmas Carol in a line stuck in my head, so I went down this whole rabbit hole and you were fucking coming with me on it. Come in, know me better, man. This is the welcome I want to give to the vanilla world. I want to throw open the doors and roar this out to everyone. Come in and know our world better. Learn about our culture. See that what we do is way more than sex and hot tubs and pineapples. Even for lifestyle couples, is there any better greeting you could yell at somebody? Come in and get to know me. Figure out if we're compatible for naked time or more. Come in and share space with me, possibly friends, The Christmas Carol's story, on the surface, is about morality and generosity and learning to stop being a dickhead, right? But we can tease out another layer. Scrooge, along his travels with the ghost, gets fucking ego-punched in the head by all these assholes. Nothing is as it seems, there's drama and intrigue, and in the end, they all get together and have a party. So, yeah, this makes sense to me, the lifestyle Christmas Carol. Who doesn't want to spend a whole night talking to ghosts, running around in the without shoes on. I'm not going to read that original book, by the way. No. All my research is completely based on Muppet's Christmas Carol. A Christmas Carol is oddly fitting for a person's lifestyle journey, I think. You come in hopeful, shown uncomfortable truths, possibly with puppets and songs, and you come out the other side better and more honest. If you've been in the lifestyle long enough, we all have ghosts that will come visit us in the middle of the night. Memories, hopes, regrets, missed connections. And everyone thinks that Scrooge was visited by three ghosts. Actually, there were four. The first ghost that visits him is Jacob Marley, who catches Scrooge after dinner on his way up to bed. Marley is the one who tells Scrooge he's going to be visited by the three other ghosts that night, and he drags chains with him. Dragging chains, that's important. Suffering in an existence that was or is not right for him. Miserable because of the life he lived. Boom. See, Jacob Marley followed the rules. He did everything right. He worked stupid hard, put success above everything else, and look where he ends up. In an old man's house, moaning and bitching about his life. When Scrooge meets Jacob Marley, what does Scrooge tell him? Quote, You may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of an underdone potato. There's more gravy than of grave about you, whatever you are. That's fucking awesome How many times have you as a lifestyle person tried to share with vanilla people how fucking awesome the lifestyle is, only to be met with snark and dismissal? They may not, you know, granted they may not have blamed that on undigested food, but it tracks. And the symbolism here is so, so good. Marley is dragging chains. How many of you have felt liberated after you joined the lifestyle, just threw off those bullshit chains, when you realize that, oh shit, we can't go to raves in our 40s. We can dress sexy. We can have good sex. We can collect artistic dildos that Jason does. We can talk about anal sex in the same sentences as doing your taxes. Marley represents, to me at least, and now you, the vanilla world holding us back and the consequences of always playing by their rules. Right here is the consequence of letting yourself settle in, forging those chains, and living by someone else's rules. Going back to the vanilla ladies we were talking to at this party, I could see it. They were carrying around chains of their own creations. One of the ladies said, oh, we couldn't dress up like that. And she had this tone in her voice of body self-consciousness. Why the fuck not? Okay? No one cares what you look like. We celebrate it. There is no need to be self-conscious about your body. Because the secret right here is, we all have stretch marks and scars and pimples and stuff. We're all human. People force chains of modesty and being self-consciousness. that they don't deserve. Or the other idea that kind of got floated out in the conversation is, well, we're too old for this. Who the fuck said that? I have seen 70-year-olds shuffling their happy asses into playrooms, and I hope when I am 70 to still be flirting and fucking away. The idea that we age out of fun in general is so devious and pervasive. How many times in sitcoms are people in their 40s called old or over the hill? a hill present as a joke, I would be pissed. I'm 42, and I am in way better shape now than I ever was in my 30s. Marley represents vanilla people carrying chains of their own creation and limitations. Marley shakes his chains of screws the same way vanilla people will gasp and clutch their pearls at the idea of people in their 40s, 50s, or beyond actually enjoying sex, having fun, living more in three days than most people live in a whole fucking year. Judgment speaking here. Fear that people will not approve of what you might do for fun. Oh no, people I barely know will have an opinion about what I do with my dick. People I only see once every five years at forced family functions might find out I have fun on the weekends. People whose only connection to me are genetics might decide to pass a moral judgment about me even though them motherfuckers have enough baggage to clog an airport. Your bitch of a cousin Barbara, okay? Call back to last year's holiday episode. That bitch Barbara might confront you about being a swinger at the Christmas family dinner this year. I have found the family members and the so-called friends, in air quotes, who are most desperate to confront you about what you do are also the ones who are either fundamentally unhappy with their lives or, and your happiness is a problem for them or their nosy shitheads with nothing else to entertain themselves and to create drama. Anyway, back to the story. Scrooge and Marley have a whole conversation about life and death and undigested cheese. Marley shakes his chains. That's very important. They mention that a lot. And he warns Scrooge. Okay. Three ghosts are coming to visit you tonight. Scrooge has a reaction that I admit is very similar to what my reaction would be. Fuck off. I'm going to bed. I love sleep. I love sleep almost as much as sex. And if a person told me I can't go to bed because some ghosts are going to keep me up all night, I dare say we're going to fight. Scrooge goes to bed all alone in his big old house. Okay. And when the clock strikes 10 p.m., shit gets weird. The ghost of past fuckery does not slide in gracefully. At least for me, it doesn't. It does not tip into your bedroom and wake you up gently. This is the fucker, this ghost, that will kick in the door at 2.37 a.m. on a Tuesday with a bottle of fireball in his hand and a big black dildo yelling about, It's time to make bad decisions, motherfucker. Then you are laying awake, staring at the ceiling while this one fucking ghost sits on the side of your bed, listing off all the places you should not have put your penis. This is the ghost that makes you cringe. This is the ghost that reminds you of how badly your first dating app profile was written. Remember that? Remember what you said? Just looking for fun? No shit, everyone's just looking for fun. That was not a good profile. This rat bastard will remind you of that time you were at dinner with a new couple and you were so nervous you were shaking and then accidentally spilled a whole bottle of sake on the table. and freaked out trying to clean it. Everyone remembers that and stared at you. This is the ghost who will remind you of that one time your dick didn't work and everyone remembers that and stared at you. Or maybe you had a particularly strong bout of vaginal flatulence. I did. I went and looked up the proper medical term for queefing. It is vaginal flatulence. It happens. Yeah, not what I was expecting to learn today. Or that one time you were at a house party and walked into a glass door twice leaving two separate smears of makeup. Everyone one remembers that and stared at you. Or at the time you were so drunk on fireball, you loudly told a woman she would need a wheelchair to leave that hotel takeover after you got done fucking her. I did that. I admit that one. That one was on me. Fireball whiskey causes me to lose all sense of eloquence and decorum. This ghost, the ghost of Christmas past, is a petty little bitch of a phantom. It reminds you of all the stuff you did and all the stuff you didn't do. The times that you should have asked, the times you should have apologized, the times you should have known or graved. as a person. Kick that little shit in the fucking head, okay? Even though it does deserve that kick in the head, this is the ghost that will also teach you humility, compassion, and to find humor in life. We all do dumb things. We all do dumb shit. The consolation is that people don't actually remember them. People don't care, and you will learn to laugh about them one day. Despite this creepy fucker hanging out on the side of your bed, the important thing to remember is, this is not you today. This is the past. This little fucker is showing up to talk about the past you, not the you of today. It is not here to punish you. It is here to remind you that everyone starts out as an awkward, underprepared newbie with way too much confidence. Continuing the story, the ghost of Christmas past Jack Scrooge, in his nightclothes, back through old rooms and old memories to show him all the ways he fucked up in his life, the times he hardened his heart instead of softened it, all the paths that he could have taken. That hot woman at that party, you should have talked to her. That text you go asking about, you know, text you got that someone was asking about what are your plans for this weekend, you should have answered. That time someone asked you about your play style, and yeah, you just completely missed that. They were hitting on you, and you did not catch it. Our minds can do the same thing without supernatural assistance. We don't need chains and candlelights for this. Just quiet moments when you're taking a shower, or 3 a.m. when you can't sleep, and you're staring at the ceiling fan spin, and then your brain goes ba-da-da. Let's relive everything in stunning 4k high definition. I admit I'm guilty of this to the point of rumination and ruin. Last time it happened, someone texted me in the middle of the night and broke me out of it, which was one of the kindest acts another person can do, and they had no fucking clue. It was like getting a mystery present on Christmas morning. Here's the shift that makes this ghost a little less scary. The lesson here is not to banish the ghost. Okay, you run him out by recognizing the win for what it is, a record of your growth. If you would not make the same fuck-ups when you started in the lifestyle, congratulations, you're growing as a person. You don't need to keep reliving these moments because they're not going to change. Take the lesson, take the humility, and give yourself some compassion. Then tell the ghost to shut the fuck up so you can go back to bed. And you can't sleep for long, though, because good news, something The fun ghost is going to visit you next. The ghost of Christmas present. My guy. The ghost that will text you on a Tuesday night and ask if you want to go to a sex club even though you have to work tomorrow. This is the ghost who will offer you to sleep in their hotel room for a hotel takeover. This is the ghost who will convince you that yes, that man over there wants to fuck you and you should go talk to him about it. Jolly happy, this is the ghost who will do shots with you on your birthday. Everything is a good idea when this ghost is around. If the ghost of Christmas passed, is the one that offers fireball whiskey. This is the one that has tequila. And yeah, in the Christmas Carol story, the ghost takes Scrooge around town to show him all the people talking shit about him. But the ghost is also taking Scrooge to a couple of house parties in one day? This ghost doesn't give a shit that it is Christmas Day and people are with their families. He is horny and looking for trouble. This ghost embodies that feral fun energy we get when we are in the flow state of fuckery, the freedom, the connection with other people. I don't know how much I cherish mid-sex conversations. That time between the frantic first round and the sultry second round, that space of time when we are naked and vulnerable and there's artificial boundaries between people, it's fucking beautiful. It's very hard to put on a mask when your dick is out. And recently this happened between me and some friends, and I can't remember what we talked about. I was sitting across from this woman, I just kept on kissing her, and it wasn't sexual, it was just happy to be in this space. It is a sacred space. that we can enjoy that looks so bizarre to the outside world. Four people talking naked for shame. The ability to laugh during sex, make jokes while we are fucking, that is a rare Christmas gift from the lifestyle. You know that you have true friends in this when you can laugh during sex. I found one-night stands, they are way too serious. They're like a military operation. Get in, extract the target, and get out. Get dressed and bolt. And now I'm getting sentimental here because I was listening to Christmas carols when I That song, Where Are You Christmas, it always brings a tear to my eye. Look, we are not close to our families for reasons, probably because my side of the family listens to the show and realizes how much shit I talk about them. I've already told everyone I have one vanilla friend. Beyond that, our whole social life and friends are lifestyle, and I would rather spend Christmas morning with our lifestyle tribe than forced miserable interaction with family. I wish I had a ghost friend who would give me a ride to visit everyone on Christmas Day. We did not throw a big lifestyle Christmas party this year, but we've done in the past. We just didn't this year. Maybe next year. Timing and other parties were going on. We couldn't carve out a Saturday for ourselves and friends. We have thrown those parties before. I love them. Getting everyone together, the decorations, the lights, seeing people free and happy together. We crank up Christmas songs, even though inevitably somebody will want the playlist changed to EDM. We exchange spicy presents. We drink and sing and enjoy just a little bit of light in this dark season. For the Christmas parties, I hang a sign on the door. And it says, come in and know me better, man. 95% sure that no one else would get that reference but me. To me, though, this phrase means a lot. It means welcome. It means come in and join us. It means I share my table with you friends. I share what I have, my home with others. And I literally, it is a sign. I have it in my office. This piece of paper, it means a lot to me in a weird way. A lady who attended our first party, I asked her to write the sign on this big green piece of paper because she had really pretty handwriting. I have horrible man handwriting and she did it and even added like a little heart in it. It's so cute. That sign is a reminder. It is a bittersweet reminder because we don't talk to that couple anymore. We haven't seen them in two years. I keep it because one, it is a nice sign. and the other, it is a warning to myself. It is a tangible object of warning of what could happen in the lifestyle. Connections fray, friendships explode, people drift, egos flare, and humans will be humans unlike the single-minded ghost. And I keep that sign to remind me that nothing is truly permanent in this unfortunately, just like the ghost of Christmas present. The funny aspect of this ghost, if I can call it funny, is that it brings up and visibility but you still have to be willing to defrost and enjoy it the other layer this is the ghost that checks in on you but it doesn't stop you you sure you want to take that next shot go for it you sure you want to go yell at that woman that you want to fuck her okay have fun don't do that that's my warning the shock on that woman's face was not fucking worth it for me this ghost doesn't haunt you like that other asshole but it monitors you your favorite bad influence who is technically never wrong this ghost will lead you into wild times and then fucking abandon you because he is a dick. He will leave your happy ass in the hotel parking lot at 3 a.m. to wonder how the fuck you ended up there where you're sleeping tonight and if your spouse is mad at you. I've told you this before. I will randomly mumble to myself, I have a weird life. It is a mental note to myself against these kind of moments. Like planting a flag in my brain to recognize just how out of the ordinary what we do really fucking is. on a beach in Destin smoking a cigar at 4 a.m. or being surrounded by, like, seven naked women who need help putting on lingerie. I have a weird fucking life, and the ghost of Christmas present is the one constantly telling me, come on in, know me better, man, come get in trouble with me. But he is not the one that lingers, just like connections and friendships may not linger in this, and all you're left with is a sign. By the end of the second arc of the story, the ghost of Christmas present is fading away because, the present is always temporary. The fun moments we enjoy are always temporary, unfortunately, and when the clock strikes midnight, we're alone again to live with our choices, our actions, our regrets, and our wants. Scrooge goes back to sleep in the story, and at the stroke of midnight, shit gets weird and intense. In all the versions of A Christmas Carol, they try to make the ghost of Christmas future scary and foreboding, grim reaper-type symbology here. This is the ghost that is intended to scare into being a better person by showing him the error of his ways. For us, wild people we are, this is the hangover ghost. Waking up the morning after a hotel takeover, your head fucking pounding, your genitals sore, looking for your recovery bag. The ghost of Christmas future is completely silent. He never makes a sound like the lifestyle, just like the lifestyle when it gets too heavy. When the lifestyle does get too heavy, I can tell you, there's no crash, there's no yelling, there's no bombastic explosions. It just gets heavy for a little while. It gets quiet. The invites stop, the chats die off, you stop getting propositioned. It's a gradual process, like a pond freezing over. There's doubt. You are not really sure if you want to keep going in this. You're not really sure if it's even worth it. The once bright and warm light of a feast has dimmed, the food is cold. Now the cups are empty. You are alone, save for a shadow of what could be a fate we convince ourselves that we may or may not be locked into. We think somehow we broke the lifestyle or maybe it broke us. We freeze over and can't quite figure out when the temperatures start to drop. This ghost is not here for one bad night, one awkward moment, one drunken decision. This ghost is an asshole because he keeps records and receipts, watching for the same choices made repeatedly boundaries in your marriage you decided to push, recording every time you went so fucking hard in the lifestyle you tripped and fell. The future fuckery ghost, he isn't mad about what you did once. He's just curious why you keep doing it. In the story, the ghost takes Scrooge again in his nice clothes, which sticks with me because I fucking hate cold weather and I will bitch so bad if I am cold, through a graveyard and he shows everyone ransacking his house. The scariest fact about this ghost is? It shows us the consequences of boredom and apathy. But, gotta make it a little bit brighter, even with this darkness, there is some hope here. This is the most hopeful of all the ghosts, actually, because while the past is locked in, the present doesn't give two shits. This one, the ghost of the future, offers us hope. The hope it gives is a way to enjoy the lifestyle long-term in a healthy way, with healthy connections and a healthy marriage. Yeah, this ghost is meant to be scary and intimidating, but it doesn't have to be. We can learn from it. We can learn from others. And I'm not saying change our ways like Scrooge, but we can figure out what we want from the lifestyle so that we can be here when the sun rises. This ghost is a choice. Nothing is locked in with this shifty asshole. Because he isn't saying this is the set future, he shows Scrooge a possibility. Your lifestyle experience could look like a graveyard if you avoid horror conversations, Novelty without integrity or ignore boundaries. Here, he waves his hand, lies all those who do not communicate, those who allowed resentment to grow, those who lost the spark of compersion, jealousy, anger, and, of course, apathy. The sun will rise on Christmas morning. Every dark spell in the lifestyle, I guarantee you, will end. New friends are going to come along, old friends will come back, wounds heal, and everyone gets a goose. Another connection, I'm finding these things left in Right. The party at the end. Here's something wild. Everyone comes together, the party at the end, in a real honest way. The rich and the poor. Now granted, I would wonder what the fuck my boss was doing at my door on Christmas morning too. The fact that we can come together regardless of socioeconomic backgrounds and just exist together in an inviting space speaks to one of the core philosophies of the lifestyle. We're all equal here. No one knows their job. No one knows their bank account. I have seen people try to flex their in this, oh my god, it did not go good. No one gives a shit how much money you make. Does your dick work is way more important than how much money you made last year. How many of us out here can overlay our own journey to this story? We start out as hopeful newbies to becoming wild feral swingers to the couple standing at the party in the corner wondering what the fuck we're doing here. To go from craving an orgy fucking for women in one night and then deciding, meh, I'd rather watching TV. The beauty of A Christmas Carol, especially the Muppet version, is that it shows a redemption arc. It shows Scrooge throughout his life, first as a joyful adult, then an asshole, and then he's screaming at children in the street. Did all of this make sense? Probably not. Did I get way too excited about writing an episode about one line from a Muppet movie? Yes. I'm not sure if I'm going to do an episode next week. My wife and I will be at the risque New Year's Eve party in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, So I honestly don't think I'm going to have time. You should come party with us though. Tickets are available at RiskeLifestyleParties.com. Come and party with us. Give me a hug. Tell me you listen to the show. I need this validation. Come and party with us. Let us end 2025 in style. Because fuck 2025 are running. Let us toast to better days, better weather, and better times. 2026 will be epic. I can feel it in my bones. That's wild. 2026. It is so fucking close. I can feel it. Just a few more days and the universe is going to turn again. 2025 has been the worst year of my life. Worse than the year we lost everything in a flood. Worse than the year my father died. This has been a rough year for a lot of people I know for a lot of reasons. And I am so fucking happy to see it end. I say happy new year to you. And I mean it. a good year. Next year, in like seven days, it starts up. I hope 2026 is an awesome year for you and me. We will all know success and peace and love and good health. We will grow as humans. We will learn to cherish those we have, learn to love those we meet, and find comfort in the laughter of others. If there is a balance to the universe, then 2026 will balance out all of the misery and shittiness of 2025, okay? Look at it that way. For every up, For every down, there is also an up. If you have listened to the show since the beginning, binged every episode to catch up, or you told a friend about my unpolished, raw, honest podcast, I thank you. It is the best present you can give me. The show is meant to share the good, the bad, the ugly, and the weird parts of the lifestyle, and I try to do that as best I can. I am grateful to everyone who listens, reaches out, gave me a hug at a party, shared their own stories with me, or you just quietly nod along to my ramblings while you're driving, folding laundry, This shows for those who want more from the lifestyle and need to know they're not alone in that desire. So as the year ends and lights go down for a little bit, the season does get quiet. Take care of yourselves. Take care of your partners and your friends. Take care of those who are riding this big blue ball through the universe with us. And when you're ready, when the seasons turn again, come in. Come in and know me better. If you want to reach out, ask a question, suggest a topic, or send me an email, you can do that at at ThatOtherLifestyle.com. My personal disclaimer, I am not a medical professional nor a trained and certified educator of any kind in any way. I am a guy with a microphone sharing my personal experiences with you. This podcast is for entertainment purposes only, and please join us for the next episode. Go to stdhero.com, use my promo code TOL15 for 15% off your order and get tested. This is your first reminder to get tested for 2026. Whatever you may do today or tonight, I hope you do it within Enthusiasm, Consent, Curiosity, and a little bit of spice. You are appreciated, loved, and I will see you next year. Yeah.