Back from the Horizon: Returning to the Lifestyle

Transcript

Speaker1: Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. Wherever you are, I hope you have blue skies, a breeze on your back, and sand between your toes. Welcome to the Other Lifestyle Podcast. I am your host, Jason. Leave Vanilla behind as we dive into the lifestyle again. This show is for adults only. We will talk about sex, relationships, the lifestyle, and ethical non-monogamy in an honest way with lots of real talk. If you are under 18, this is your only warning to get the hell out of your life. out. Around here on the beaches of sexual freedom, consent, education, and good times, everyone is welcome. Lifestyle, vanilla, or the curious. Whatever your gender, identity, expression, truth, flavor, you are welcome here. I do my best to use inclusive language, though you mean to hear words like husband or wife or man or woman, just to keep things simple. You want to connect, you can send me an email to host at thatotherlifestyle.com or go to my website, thatotherlifestyle.com. And I want to mention, go use my promo code TOL15 for 15% off your order at There was a natural stopping point in my story, and I felt it move within me. The sun was setting as I left my deck chair on the beach, metaphorically, of course, a few weeks ago, leaving behind an empty margarita and a notebook of scribbled show ideas. A warm breeze coming in that spurred me to move. Shaking the sand out of my shirt, placing a hat on my head, my eyes were set on the wooden dock by the tiki bar with that faded pineapple sign. My friends turned their heads and waved as determined feet carrying me to the little sailboat bobbing in the gentle waves that evening, determined feet matching the cadence of my heart and the drum of my soul. The beat was telling me it was time to go. Bare feet on warm boards down the dock, friends watching me from shores, I cast off the lines. Questions from them of, where am I going, when will I be back, and what am I doing? Why are you stealing that boat? The answers, I don't know, someday I double don't know, and the boat told me she wanted to go with me. To the horizon, my happy ass sailed, away, out, leaving, looking. Holding the Panama hat on my head, my beard flailing in evening wind, I gripped the wheel of that ship as a man possessed, ready for new adventures away from familiar shores, taking a vacation from his vacation. I left the lifestyle behind, this podcast, the world behind me for a few weeks to see what's out there beyond the horizon. Hello, everyone, and thank you for listening, subscribing, returning with me to the lifestyle. I am back from my hiatus. I took three weeks off, original plan, to do Nothing creative and very little lifestyle related. The original plan was to do three weeks off and share an episode last week. That did not happen. Life has a way of giving you a fucking stomach virus that made it impossible to sit upright for a few days. So I'm a little behind. A wise man would take that time off to carefully craft a script, give it many days worth of pondering and editing, spend those weeks making sure his return would be a triumphant tour de force. to write a few episodes, so I have a backlog to pull from. And fuck that. I am not a wise man. I am a procrastinator. Having the pressure of a deadline sharpens the wit and the words. It is currently Thanksgiving Day here in the States, and I am dropping this episode. I'm recording and dropping this episode today. I share all that to prove that we are all human. I am human. My journey through the lifestyle these past few months, this past year, these past three, fuck, four, five years we've been in this. And if you've been following along, yes, the universe is still speaking to me about polyamory and I can't figure that one out. This episode is me. Coming back to the lifestyle, to the podcast, content creation, sharing line, wanting to connect with you, if only through my voice in the ether. This is me returning with a torn sail, no idea where the fuck I went, and a need for a drink. In my time off, I have not gotten any better at transitions in a script. Elevators. Time for a story. Elevators. Fucking elevators. There are these liminal spaces where life can change in an instant. They fascinate me completely by accident. I don't have an elevator fetish though I have had sex in an elevator. Elevators are an apt analogy for where I am in my lifestyle journey right now. Transitions from where you are to where you want to be with the universe in control of what happens along the ride. Will a sexy hot couple join you? Will you be alone with your thoughts? Will you smash all the buttons on the way out just to cause little chaos? Will you wonder why the floor is sticky? A few weeks ago, we were at a Halloween party takeover. And this was right after I decided to take a break and I was trying to figure out what I want to do next, who I want to do next, what projects I want to do. And spoiler, I still have no idea on that one. Every idea sounds great until you decide to commit. Another podcast, a second show, a short fiction show, OnlyFans, Patreon, a membership site, seminars, meetups. I really don't know. And for the first time in my life, I'm okay with not knowing what the next step is. The only thing I know is I'm going to keep doing the show. Beyond that, it's kind of up in the air and something's going to tell me which way to go. Just let the universe take my ass up on this elevator and see what floor I end up on. At the party, I needed to run up to the room to decompress my brain as I was not doing research for another psychedelic episode. And as I'm writing this metal and glass box, I had time to think, investigate my own reflection in the shiny distorted Looking at myself, through myself, missing friends, missing life, missing something, and I don't know if missing is the right word, that implies a deficiency, but I'm not deficient. Looking more, wanting more, and I don't know if that is possible, is less the answer? Am I the sexual beast pretending to be a man? All I really wanted at that moment for sure was to find my own personal trouble who tells me yes sir and just fuck her all night, but she wasn't there, and damn it, I wanted her there. Am I just a lizard wearing a devil costume rambling to myself in this elevator? Did that wall breathe? What floor am I on? What floor do I belong on? Did I even press a button? Is the universe telling me to go to the fifth floor instead of the third floor for some reason? It was a strange night. The kind of night where you forget your room number and realize that you're standing in a hallway with 100 identical doors. Each one with a story behind it. I love gathering stories. A story you are not a part of. A story you will never know. There's chaos. There's abandon and fun. In that elevator, I was so close to a personal breakthrough, the barriers of reality about to warp and pour their gooey wisdom on me. Then the door opened to scare the fuck out of me. An elevator is a good analogy for where I am in my personal journey. Through the lifestyle, through life, through everything. Unsure what floor to go to, unsure of what button to push. Kind of okay just standing here and waiting for something to happen. Waiting for the door to open to a wide, smiled, guy dressed up as a devil waiting for new people to join me, waiting for old friends to summon me. And now that I ponder this and I wrote it and I'm sharing, woe unto any vanilla dude that got on that elevator that night. Because flipping the scene around, there's me, six feet tall, muscles, in a red coat with plastic horns on my head covered in red glitter, huge pupils smiling ear to ear alone in an elevator, looking at my own reflection, flexing my chest to the music in my head. telling someone to join me in the kindest, loudest voice possible, sharing that I'm on a personal journey of discovery and soul searching. Join me. Fuck me. I'm great. Everyone evolves in the lifestyle or changes floors to keep this analogy going. I've talked to people who have been in this for 10 years who still make rookie mistakes, hitting the wrong button for the wrong floor. I've met newbies who give me the most mature, wise answers to moral dilemmas that we face, and I always ponder, is that really what's It's weird. A lot of my close friends, and we all started around the same time, oddly, and we seem to be shifting into something different. Tired of casual connections, wanting more, realizing what feeds our souls in this, wanting to focus more on the aspects we enjoy, not simply go with the flow. The evolution through the lifestyle is rooted in honesty. Being experienced enough, going through enough shit, doing enough, that there is a perspective that gives honesty that lets you evolve in this. My first episode, many, many months ago, was called Welcome to the Lifestyle. It was short. I was nervous as hell. I had not found my voice nor comfort with the idea of recording myself every week. Plus, my microphone fucking sucked. It was this little chinky cheap one. I have a nice one now. It's sexy. In honor of that episode, I want to do a part two. Welcome to the Lifestyle part two. A stick in the sand to denote the tides, a place for us to move forward from, acknowledging everyone's evolution and honesty in this, a chance for me to return to the Lifestyle. in a stolen boat, bring back coconuts I found, and return to the chair on the beach. If you're new to the lifestyle, start here, pick a random episode, listen to them all, tell your friends, send me an email, tell me hi. You can send me, okay, so with email, send me an email because I will put out more social media content, and I know sometimes you don't want to put a little thumbs up on that because then everyone's going to know that you're a swinger like us, so email, email is the best way to go if you want to connect. It's wild to think in these 650-some-odd days I've been doing this show how far my wife and I have come in the lifestyle journey. And it is a journey. It never stops. You just keep going. I have done orgies, sunset, boat rides, drunken conversations, psychedelic-induced revelations, honest moments, lies, good sex, bad sex, things that no vanilla person would fucking believe. I have friends who have been in this a lot longer than me, and they can confirm that this is normal. There is a lesson for newbie couples in this. Your definition of normal is going to change a lot. A normal Saturday may have been sitting at home watching a movie and a glass of wine. The new normal will be an orgy and staying away for 27 hours to finally crash into bed you don't know next to a woman you barely know. I know a couple who have been in this for over 15 years. They've experienced every different flavor, aspect, and way to do the lifestyle. and been there. He has seen it all. When I hit a brick wall in my own journey, I turn to him for some guidance. He's been through heartache in a fashion. He has seen tribes form and fall apart. He has led swinger groups and walked away from them. When I struggle with the lifestyle, he's been there to offer me advice and guidance and keep me from spinning out. Not as a placating presence, but as a voice of wisdom. And from him and from others, I have learned everyone does the lifestyle in a different way. That's the message I want newbies to take away. and I want you to take away that however you do this is okay. No way is better or more right or more wrong than any other. You have to find a method that matches your expectations, capacity, and abilities. What is your personal comfort level with the lifestyle and what others are looking for from the lifestyle? So let me back up. If you are thinking about doing the lifestyle, I cannot tell you to do that or not do that. I can't tell you which way to go, what to do, or if you should. There are plenty of resources out there. you to make an informed decision. My show sits on the nexus of you've already made the decision that, hey, we want to fuck around with people we meet on the internet. What do you do now? Do you make a profile, go to a takeover, put tits on the internet? If you're brand new to the lifestyle, first step is actually to get STI tested. Don't freak out. Don't be aghast at this suggestion. Responsible people in the lifestyle get tested on a regular basis, share their results, and make their sexual health a priority. Go get tested before your first encounter. That way, you know that you're all clear when you walk into this. I personally do not care how you get tested. Doctor's office, clinic, at-home tests, just do it. STD Hero is a friend of the show. I know they exist. There's no reason not to get tested. They ship all over the United States, except for New York. So for those in the States, you have no reason not to get tested. STD Hero.com. Use my promo code TOL15 for 15% off your order. Well, the lifestyle is a code word, a collective term, a lifestyle. Lifestyle is the current term for those who engage in ethical non-monogamy and its many variations. And those variations are usually but not always defined along lines of sexual preference, as in hot wife, couples, singles, game bangs, open marriage. However you want to do this, it is okay and can fall under that umbrella. There are some people who object to using the term preferring the more archaic term swinger. I typically say lifestyle. I may say swinger every now and then. Usually, I'm going to say LS or lifestyle. In conversations with friends, I say lifestyle. Swinger, though, denotes four people, two couples, whose primary interaction is sex. I have had long debates on this topic, and there is no clear answer on what the fuck to call yourself. If you want to be a swinger, you can call yourself that. Do it. Know that not everyone uses that term, though, and it is not fucking worth it to split. about this one. Not everyone is in the lifestyle just for sex. I have learned this. I have learned that and you need to know it. Some people are and that is fine. Others are looking for more friendships, social activities, parties, raves, or even full-on relationships. When we started, we thought this was all about sex. We have since learned that you can have more than that. You can also have less of it. It all depends on what a couple is looking for, what you are personally looking for, and you have full permission to Look for whatever you want. Whatever you want, you can find it here. It is perfectly acceptable in the lifestyle to only fuck around with another couple once a year, once a quarter, once a month. Perfectly acceptable to go to a sex club, do your thing, and then stop for a year or go next weekend. It is perfectly acceptable to find close friends that you fuck around with on a Thursday night and then go have Mexican. However you do this, as long as you have respect for others and yourself, it's all good. The lifestyle is based on three pillars. I got this from a friend, and I love it, so I'm going to run with it. Consent, body positivity, and sexual freedom. In the lifestyle, consent is the most important thing. Consent is necessary and asks for, if you want to touch another person, be on a handshake and an awkward sideways hug. Every action, sexual or otherwise, requires consent. And give you a quick rundown on consent. Ask before you touch. Ask before you proceed. Consent can be revoked, and consent Consent is not forever. Consent can change and you have to respect the changes. I did an episode previously on consent so go listen to that if you're new here. If a person says no, no means no. Do not argue. Do not try to Jedi mind trick your way into changing their minds. Take the no and walk away. No one owes you anything. No matter how a woman is dressed or not dressed, clothing or lack of clothing does not give you permission to touch her or him. I have this very sexy leather chest harness I love to wear because it makes my titties pop. And every time I wear it in public, there is inevitably a woman who decides they want to attach a chain to me without my consent and try to pull me around. That's a no. That's a no, darling. That's a big no. So I have to save it for special occasions where I feel comfortable with the crowd. To all the ladies out there who are hesitant to wear their lingerie sometimes, I fucking get it. I'm a 200-pound man of muscle with a big fucking and I look scary as shit. People still do this to me. The second pillar of the lifestyle is body positivity. And there's a couple of parts to this and I know I'm not going to do it justice in the time we have now. People are going to accept you. They will accept your nudity. They will accept your body and lifestyle spaces. It does not mean everyone wants to fuck you. There is a distinction here. People are allowed to have preferences. You may not be what they prefer, but you're still allowed in the space to enjoy yourself. I know I have a preference. Does that mean I exclude everyone from my orbit? No. How dare you speak to me because you don't fit my particular physical preference? Fuck no. That's jackass. And personality goes a long way too. But I do have a physical preference and I know you do too. It's okay to have that. And the flip side, this is fucking important. Don't be a dick to people who don't meet your physical preference. Even if you don't want to fuck someone, it does not mean you have permission to be a dick to them. Body positivity. Respecting everybody is super important in what we do. And I get it. People who are joining this, even people who are in this now, you do not have to be a perfect physical specimen. If you want to use the lifestyle as inspiration to get into better physical shape, do it. I know a couple, they are in their 50s and they are fucking ripped. They both have six packs. It was a lifestyle that motivated them. I've seen that a lot. Knowing that, you know, you're going to be Naked in front of people you are not married to and may want to present a different version of yourself, go for it. Start working out. Eat healthier. Or don't. Somebody is going to fuck you. Most people in this hobby, and I'm calling it a hobby right now, are over 40. They're parents. They have careers. They have life. They are struggling to maintain balance and fun. So no, you do not need a six-pack to be in this. Sexual freedom. The fuck do I say about this in a condensed matter? In the lifestyle, we fuck each other. We fuck each other in an ethical and responsible manner. And I'm going to do an entire episode about this by itself, so I'm going to make this as quick as I can. To level set, this is not cheating on our spouses when done in a proper, honest way. Our spouses are involved as much as they want to be in the process. We do this ethically with full disclosure. We don't hide it. We have sex with other couples who engage in this as well. We are honest about our desires, primal or otherwise. There is clarity on what we want. You are allowed and encouraged to fuck around, have fun, in a safe, responsible manner. Use protection, get tested. We don't judge others for their desires and what they do. I tell people as long as it is fun, consensual, and safe, do whatever the fuck you want. Yes, there is a stack of fucking nuances three cats tall because my cat Bart is sitting at my desk as I wrote this and he will serve as a unit of measurement. I have to do a full episode on this topic too. When I started this podcast, I was naive. I was dumb. And just so you know, I am still dumb. And I acknowledge my own failings in social interactions often. I've learned a lot since then. One topic that has expanded in my brain is all the different flavors and ways that people enjoy the lifestyle. And I think flavors is the right word. People like ice cream. You know what ice cream is. Some people prefer flavors like vanilla. Others like really complicated flavors like peanut butter, brittle, and chocolate. with marshmallows and cake and gummy worms. Some people experience the lifestyle in a simple, and please don't take that word wrong, simple, not complicated way, and other people prefer more complicated dynamics. So let's break this down. And this is not an exclusive or an exhaustive list. And as I was writing this and I'm pottering it as I'm recording it, maybe I'm just fucking rusty at writing and I don't say this shit well. Anyway, run with me. I got two thoughts. One, everyone listening, y'all are going to start trying to figure out what category you fall into. Here's the rub I've learned. It changes. It evolves. Where and how and what you do in relation to the lifestyle is going to flux and flow and change. Secondly, I tried and I cannot create neat button-up names for these categories because they are so mercurial. Couples are shifty. A moment is chemically unstable. You may go to one party with the intention of getting new dick, and then the next party decides not to swap. Does that mean your particular label has changed between those two parties? Do you identify differently? Labels, whatever categories I make, they're going to fall apart under scrutiny as much as people love them or reject them. And labels like soft swap, full swap, those denote penetration, those denote the ways that you do things, and those are totally okay to change your mind and go back and forth between them. Labels sound great in theory, and an easy way, it's an easy way for us to share what we like and what we want, and you can tell a couple, hey, we are full swap. That communicates so much information, or you can say we're full swap, but it's soft swap. Perfectly okay to change your mind on that too, and labels are going to change in the moment. Labels are great as shorthand, saving us the trouble of asking multiple questions, and they're going to fucking fail you. It's great to have one, but don't expect it to answer every single question or situation that you find yourself in. Like, maybe you are a full-swap couple, and you tell people you're full-swap, and then one night decide on a whim, no, we kind of want to do a hot-wife thing. You weren't lying to all those people you previously told you were into couples, and you may never do a hot-wife encounter again. You tried it, maybe you liked it or not. But for one night, that label changes, and it may change again tomorrow. A classification that is kind of simple, the basic one to start with is no-swap or dirty vanillas or vanilla swingers. three different names. There are couples that I would consider in the lifestyle because they observe our tenants who do not actively engage in sexual activities with others. But by Jason, that makes no sense. Why would someone be in the lifestyle spaces if they weren't trying to get laid? When you separate out the sex as a defining aspect of the lifestyle, you're going to see there's so much more to this. Some people take umbrage at no swap couples being considered lifestyle being in our spaces. To which I say, no, if we accept all sexual expressions, including bisexuality, including group play and all that, then we must also accept those who do not engage in sex. In full honesty, my wife and I have thought about going no swap a few times in our journey. And at specific events, we may decide ahead of time, yeah, we're not fucking around with anyone tonight. My wife wants to enjoy the dance and wants to party all night instead of trying to get laid. Her attitude is, I put all this fucking work into this costume, this super complicated costume to put on, I don't want to run up to a hotel room just to have sex and then have to put this damn thing back on so your labels can change event to event your labels can change day to day does this mean that we are no longer full swap we identify generally most of the time as a full swap couple and just to define that as in full swap we enjoy having sex with other couples full penetration right there versus soft swap which is everything but penetration Can we be a flavor at one moment and then change it in another moment? Yes, you can do this too. And I'm rambling away. The amount of time you assign to a label, the amount of time that a label is assigned to you by your choice, that's up to you. And going back to us, we have gone no swap for a few weeks and then go back to full swap. Just decide, nope, we're going on sex embargo for a little while. Or maybe for one party we decide not to do it, and then for another party we decide, okay, we're going to get laid. It doesn't change our overall dynamic, and there's the freedom to change your status as you and your spouse desire. Realistically, if you tell a couple you were no swap at this moment and they call out that you were full swap a couple of weeks ago, congratulations, they fucking remembered something. It's an individual or a couple's choice on what they do and what they call themselves in a moment. We are allowed to step back from the sex, if you want to, for however fucking long you want. And there are other aspects of our culture, and I do consider this a culture, subculture, and we can look at it with a sociological lens. We can enjoy aspects of this without focusing on the sex. We can enjoy the environment, the parties, the connections, the loud music, and the blinking lights. That's okay. All right. So all of that to say, yeah, no swap couples are valid in our spaces. They paid their money. They can be at this event. There are couples who are full swap, but they only do this once a year, once a quarter, once a month. Maybe they go apeshit on a cruise for five days and just get that dick. and then do nothing lifestyle-related back home till next year. Are these people any less valid in the lifestyle by based on the participation? No. Fuck no. This part sounds shitty, but it's a thing I want to address. There is no absolute guide requirement participation level in the lifestyle full stop. I have encountered people who judge others based on their frequency of fuckery with people or the number of people they have sex with, either positively or negatively, as in, well, you don't do this enough, or you do this too much. Fuck all that noise. They say that if you're not doing this every weekend or at least some arbitrary level other people set in their minds, well, you're not a real swinger. We're going to take away your pineapple badge. Again, fuck that noise. There are no requirements to play or not play, and that's a new term for you, play. I like to say fucking. I like to say fuckery. I'm not all about the co-words, but play is synonymous and is a word that people use instead of fucking. They will say, hey, do you guys want to go to our room to play? Instead of, hey, y'all want to go fuck it out? I tend to go with the latter because I'm more crass. You can choose of your own free will how often you share your body or your spouse with a person or another couple and no one can tell you jack shit about it. If someone does offer an opinion on whether you were too busy or not busy enough, fuck that noise. The lifestyle is a community of individuals, so whatever measure you use, your comfort level is up to you. As I'm writing this, and I was, uh, putting all this together, a conversation I had with a dude that happened a couple of years ago popped into my brain as an example. We started engaging with a couple. We were texting and chatting. We met them, you know, doing the chatty thing. And the husband texted me on the side and he shared privately that his wife prefers not to play with couples that are very active. And imagine me saying that in air quotes the word active. At the time, ha ha, stupid Jason, I was stupid. And I told him, oh, yeah, yeah, we're not that busy. And then I started being concerned about, oh fuck, are we too busy? Are we too busy for this couple? In hindsight, with the benefit of experience, I can recognize how fucked up that is. This dude was trying to accomplish a few things with this statement. He was trying to figure out how active are we? He wanted to set a standard of acceptable activity for us without offering the same standard on himself. He was using his wife as a disembodied authority figure on acceptable standards of operation in the lifestyle. Couples who pull this shit, nine times out of ten, they want a scenario where you and your spouse turn down your activity level to make them happy while they go out and do whatever the fuck they want when you're not around. You got to read between the lines sometimes, and it's good we stopped engaging with them after that. There are couples in this who are very focused on having sex, however they do that, and I've been in those shoes. Be it multiple partners at an event, dates every weekend, dates every day, gang bangs, That's okay. They can handle it. They enjoy it. You don't have to do it yourself. I just want to share that with you. If you want to be that active, and active is such a bad word, but it has the least amount of connotation and it gets the meaning across, I wasn't able to find a clinically neutral term here. No one should shame anyone for being too active. As long as it is safe, fun, and consensual, no one can tell you anything, really. As long as you take a shower after, I don't care. Other couples, they want more from the lifestyle I have learned. And none of this is exclusive. None of these categories are clearly defined because I couldn't fucking figure out how to define them. Some people want long-term connections and friendships, and I will offer this up. Sex gets better with repetition and frequency with a couple. One-night stands, they tend to be very self-focused and awkward as fuck, as in you just want to get off as quickly and efficiently as possible. With long-term repeat business? With a couple, you learn what they like, what their personal moans and groans mean. You learn their bodies. That is fucking magical, and I live for this. There are couples out there that I hope I'm still fucking in 10 years because I know the sex will only get better from here. With that connection comes friendship, which is a beautiful thing to me. But hey, some people actually shy away from the idea of friends in the lifestyle. I respect it, and I also know that you're missing out on a whole lot. But yeah, you can participate in the lifestyle and have no I know people who operate this way. They have their vanilla life completely buttoned up and the lifestyle is a rare indulgence for them. They jump in, fuck around, jump out. It's all under the same umbrella. As long as you are respectful about it, it's there, do what the fuck you want. There are many ways to experience the lifestyle. No set rules of activity, participation, swap level, none of that. You have to find the level that works for you and your spouse. That works for your expectations and how you want to experience this. My wife and I have learned that we prefer deep connections and friendships to random hookups. So that's what the fuck we're after. We landed on this after experiencing different aspects of the lifestyle and figured out what is out there. We could go back to having random hookups. We could go no swap. There's no one telling us what to do and there's no one telling you what to do. The only person you need to answer to, and not the best way to say that, is your spouse by communicating. Communicate. One more time. Communicate. When you join the lifestyle, you will learn all new ways and words to say what you think and want and need. You have to express this to your spouse openly and honestly. I admit my wife and I struggled this when we started and now only after a couple of years have we gotten to a point where we can be completely honest about everything. It's a skill that takes practice. Constant practice. And I find it funny that the vanilla world thinks being naked in front of other people is like the ultimate an act of vulnerability. It's not. You get used to it real quick. I will fucking drop my trowels. I will drop my pants anywhere I'm allowed. I don't care. I've spent many nights naked with my wife and a couple laid out on a bed talking between rounds of sex. Just naked. Nudity. You're gonna get over that. Real vulnerability in this is sharing your feelings. Ugh, feelings. I have no idea where that comes from, but my wife does it to me every time I mention feelings. She will just stop and go, ugh, feelings. Real vulnerability is having hard conversations. Real vulnerability is being open about yourself, your heart. If that terrifies you, then stop and assess what's going on. The most successful couples I know in this and successful friendships that we have, as measured by time, communicate honestly and openly. If you're enjoying the lifestyle, go get tested. Then go tell your spouse your darkest, most secret sexual fantasy. Are you prepared for that? for raw conversations about how it felt when you saw your wife giving another man a blowjob. Did it make you feel good? Did it make you feel weird? Did you enjoy it or not? Does the idea cause you some anxiety? You need to tell your spouse all of that. Be vulnerable. I've had moments where we're doing the fuckery and this feeling just clicked in my brain and I needed to share it with my wife after. I've been in situations where I didn't feel good or feel included and I needed to tell her that. I've been in situations where I thought this was the greatest fucking moment of my life and I told her that too. Be it good or be it not good, communication is paramount in this. Not just with your spouse, long-time sex buddies, friends, comrades. These people need your vulnerability and honesty too. Oh, one more thing. I promise you're going to find your tribe of people in this that you can be vulnerable to. If that's what you're looking for. Some people don't want a tribe or a friend group or a social group or social connections, I get it, I get it. I also know there are people listening to me who want a tribe. I promise there are people out there who want to be a part of your tribe, to carry your banner, and if you can't find a tribe, go make your own. Some people want to be in social groups. Some people make two friend couples, and that's all they need. No right or wrong way to handle the larger social group dynamics either. I need to do an episode about that. This whole episode has just been me laying seeds for future episodes. You can choose to join Big Check, to go on, no right or wrong way to face in an elevator either. Leave the expectations at home. And if you happen to get on an elevator with a half-dressed man with really big pupils, dressed up like a devil, having a spiritual moment, give that fucker a hug. Before I go today, I want to mention friends of mine started a new podcast, In The Playroom. In The Playroom. It's a new show. It's available on the same platforms that you found this show, so go check it out for me, please. Thank you for listening and tuning in every week. Make sure you tell a friend about the show. Thank you to the love of mine, life, my wife, who is on this wonderful journey with me. If you want to reach out, ask a question, suggest a topic, you know the email host at thatotherlifestyle.com and my website thatotherlifestyle.com. My personal disclaimer, I'm not a medical professional nor a trainer certified educator of any kind in any way. I am a guy with a microphone sharing my personal experiences with you. This podcast is for entertainment purposes only and please join me for the next episode. I'm back. I'm going to start doing episodes again every week. Might have some other projects. Might start some new shows. You never know. Kind of figuring out what mood I'm in. Go to sddhero.com. Use my promo code TOL15 for 15% off your order and get tested. Whatever you may do today or tonight, I hope you do it with enthusiasm, consent, curiosity, and a little bit of spice. You are appreciated and loved, and I will see you for the next episode.