Episode 8: The Alexa Guy (with co-host, Eva!)

Transcript

Warning, the following podcast contains adult content, adult language, and adult situations. I talk openly about sex and explicit topics. If you are under the age of 18 or are uncomfortable listening to sexually explicit narratives, please listen no further. I am not a professional therapist, counselor, or doctor. I'm just an average guy in the swinger lifestyle who likes to share his experiences. This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. Please don't forget to subscribe to our channel. or doctor.

I'm just an average guy in the swinger lifestyle who likes to share his experiences. This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. Please seek a professional if you are in need of advice, guidance, or care as it relates to sexual health or alternative lifestyles. hi my friends and welcome to evan swings i'm your host evan and this is my podcast about the swinger lifestyle from a male perspective usually so i'm half of a lifestyle couple and the other half is my wife eva and she is actually joining me for the first time as a guest on this podcast right now.

So hello, hello evan thank you for coming thank you for coming on my podcast you're welcome so good and if you are giving this podcast a shot for the first time thank you for joining me uh first of all and i wanted to be uh upfront and clear about this you know this is You know just my point of view, and in this case, our point of view. I asked Eva to join us because we have a tale to tell you that she will have an awesome perspective on. And we'll no doubt fill in details that I may forget to fill in. So I thought it would be fun to have her on to talk about that.

We do have to warn you that we are filming this right now in our home office and we have a kid upstairs. And if you were to come downstairs, we're going to have to pause this. So there may be some unexpected pauses as we get through this episode, but bear with us. I think you'll find it worth it.

So up until this point, I've been moving chronologically through her journey in the lifestyle but i think that's going to change now so with this episode we're changing that up my first seven episodes were designed to kind of build a foundation to show how we got into the lifestyle and discuss some of our first experiences but now that that foundation has been built i I don't think it's necessary anymore to move chronologically. Therefore, we're stepping off that path today and we want to tell you about a very recent experience. A very strange one. Yeah. A frustrating one. Mostly for you, Eva.

For me, yeah. But before we get to that, I usually start episodes with uh you know some kind of minor rant or or narrative expressing an opinion on a lifestyle topic so today i or we wanted to offer some advice now remember we're not experts eva and i have been doing this for about three years now almost three years and i don't think we can be considered experts. Perhaps there are very few in the lifestyle who can be considered experts, if anybody. So this advice that we're about to give, take it or leave it, but it is our opinion only.

The advice we want to give you is to be honest with your profile, okay? If you use SLS or SDC or some other lifestyle site, be honest. Okay. Especially with your photos. Okay. There have been at least two occasions where we have met couples who looked completely different than their profile. I mean, I mean completely different.

So it was almost like they were intentionally trying to be deceptive the first was a couple outside of columbus we'd been chatting them for some time and it turned out that they were buying a vehicle in our hometown as luck would have it so they came out to visit the local dealership um and so i said you know might as well we might as well invite them to meet for dinner and they were happy to do so and there really isn't much else to that story it's just when we pulled into the lot they were pulling in and when she got out of the car i'm sorry to say i was just not attracted to her now now you can correct me if i'm wrong on this, but her husband, I thought, looked pretty much the same as his photos.

Except for the eye patch. Yes, he did wear an eye patch, which was interesting. And not in the photos. Right, and they weren't present in the photos, correct. Well, I feel like that should have been disclosed. Again, that's what we're talking about. And I understand it was a transient issue that there was something weird going on with one eye.

But I could have used a heads up to, okay, you've seen my photos, but just so you know, right now I have to wear an eye patch until this eye issue gets resolved and I would have been prepared right and i would have been okay yeah i was not prepared to see an eye patch so then i had to adjust and that's what we're saying be just be honest with everything so the next day i messaged them and said that we had a really good time which was the truth and we didn't feel that there was a spark and that was the truth and I hope that we could still be friends so you know all truthful stuff and this couple was again super nice okay they were really kind about it she responded with something like of course you know we had a great time too but we understand chemistry is important and if everyone's not feeling it then you know we're all adults we're all adults here and we and we should go our separate ways and that was just a fantastic response I mean that was but but again the point was that could have all been avoided if they were honest and accurate with their with their profile pics well I was annoyed because I rearranged my work schedule to have lunch with them mm-hmm and if I wouldn't have done that if you had seen an accurate picture and known that you know I'm just not attracted to her I wouldn't have wasted my time rearranging my work yeah you know first impressions with pictures and the lifestyle they are important so right before we started recording this Eva actually you uh mentioned that we should mention you mentioned that we should mention the um that some people don't have face uh like profile pics like face pics no and they they try to you know say hello and and talk and then you know we we take all this time do all these conversations with them and then we find out when we do share face pics that they're not very attractive and in the face right and physical appearance unfortunately is is very important i mean you have to there has to be some kind of physical attraction and we understand discretion and privacy but i i think that you need to be very upfront with face pics right away.

If you start talking to somebody, I think if you don't have Facebook's face pics available on your profile, you need to make them available right away after you start talking. Agree? What, with like a locked folder or something?

anything lock folder um send send them separately just so they know so everybody knows who they're talking to it just seems like it would save a lot of time well i also don't like when you show me some pictures on some of the sites that can't be enlarged so like it can't even take up the entire phone screen and i can't judge whether or not i find that couple male the man or the woman attractive so that's why i usually in our profile on some of the sites we use i put very bluntly um if you do not we usually will not respond to you if you don't have facebook i keep saying facebook if you don't have face pics or uh the face pics you have are obscured by distance by clarity or sunglasses something like that you know we we need to know what you look like.

I'm sorry to say. So there's one more quick situation we'll tell you about before we get into our main tale. And that was a situation where we were chatting with a couple from Columbus. And Columbus is a large city. If I'm correct, it's 14th in the nation in terms of population. So it's normal for there to be a higher concentration of lifestyle couples living there compared to where we live in a smaller city. And they seemed great. Okay. We had similar interests. They seemed super nice. They seemed very attractive. And even better, they had season tickets to the Columbus Blue Jackets.

And I'm a huge hockey fan. They're my favorite team and Eva got involved in these chats too and all four of us seem to be really hitting it off. Eva decided to take a chance and asked if they said they had season tickets and but they hardly ever attended games it was right around my birthday so eva secretly contacted them and we haven't even met them yet at this point and asked if they were using the jackets tickets uh for the game on my birthday weekend they were not and they after they actually offered her the tickets for free. Who are these awesome people, right?

So Eva surprises me and says we have to pick up the tickets from this couple. So we decided we might as well turn that into a meet and greet. So we arranged to have dinner. Before the game. Right, before the game.

And when they showed up, Eva and I were were both and you can correct me if i'm if i'm overstating this just absolutely shocked they looked completely different both of them completely different compared to their profile pics it was just a staggering difference and you know we enjoyed our meal and they were really nice yeah we really liked them we did we weren't attracted to them that was but we really liked them and if i and am i right do i remember this correctly that they really didn't like clean up well like they didn't seem to like she didn't seem to wear a lot of makeup and i'm not saying you have to wear makeup i mean we know a couple that the woman doesn't wear makeup and she pulls it off beautifully but her you know she didn't seem to wear a lot of makeup and i'm not saying you have to wear makeup i mean we we know a couple that the woman doesn't wear makeup and she pulls it off beautifully but her you know she didn't seem like she did her hair very well she just kind of showed up no i disagree really yeah i don't remember that i think it they just were not attractive to us i don't remember them being frumpy at all he had just like this t-shirt on and I had, you know, I stepped it up.

I had like a nice button down. I don't, I don't. Because remember, because he, something happened to his sweatshirt and he went and buy one. That's the only reason that he had the t-shirt though. Okay. There was something, yeah. I don't think the t-shirt was intended for us to actually see, but it wasn't a bad t-shirt. And they were by no means ugly people. No, they weren't. We were just unfortunately not attracted to them. But all of this, again, could have been avoided if their profile pics were more accurate.

So we look back and I think they just use a lot of filters and and good angles well everybody uses good angles sure we try to of course but i think that is what deceived us if that's the right word i guess i don't know but we actually had a dilemma after that because like we said we really like them we did we had a lot in common yeah like so many similar interests and i'm not just saying that because they could hook us up with free free tickets to hockey games i'm not i promise i'm not saying that you know he was into science fiction just like i am we like similar books and tv shows games games yeah it was it was a fantastic discussion so we had a dilemma we we wanted to we we wanted to keep talking to them but somehow transition it from a lifestyle friendship to a vanilla friendship so we had we worked up kind of a plan we were like okay well you know we'll keep chatting with them and the next time that they offer to do something we'll just kind of lay it out like you know hey you know we really want to get together when we we plan on getting together but that's about as far as it's going to go we're going to keep it outside the bedroom so that was the plan but it didn't really matter it didn't matter because we were chatting though i was chatting with her and talking about books and and then they just ghosted us they just never talked to us again it was so funny and so here we are worried about how we're gonna let this couple off the hook if they were trying to get off the hook i guess they didn't like us so okay problem solved just not the way we intended so all right so my point to all this was be honest with your pics and be honest with your profile it's unfair to to trick for last lack of a better word to trick others into seeing you because they find you attractive when your photos are accurate or not accurate okay keep your photos relatively up to date uh avoid over filtering um we we don't use filters at all even i we don't use filters at all because i don't want to be standing in the bedroom in front of somebody and have them think well shoot that's not what i thought i was getting.

Exactly. So with us, what you see is what you get. And we think that's the way it should be. You know, we don't, we're not trying to convince or persuade anyone, anyone to talk to us. If you like what you see, great. If not, no hard feelings, move along.

You know, and again, if either of those couples had honest photos and profiles, would not have wasted our time well the problem with the second couple is that i never got to see a photo large enough that i could tell yeah i forget what site that was on but some sites uh you can't enlarge the pictures to get a better view you know so that cause like zoom in on someone's face zoom in on so um you know and it worked out because one couple was very kind about it and the other just flat out ghosted it was a non-issue yeah so it was a non-issue but you know it could have gone it could have could have gotten sour so i wonder if she ever read the book i recommended she said she was gonna i don't know so that will segue into our tale for today the tale of the alexa guy and this just happened to us recently the time of this recording so march is march of 2024 is when we're recording this right now i might not post this until april but uh that that's when we're recording this so we'll refer to them to you know preserve preserve identities i'll we'll call them alex and siri so the story starts in uh it actually begins in the spring of 2023 so we went to a hotel, went out with a group of people and met Alex and Siri as part of that group.

But our targets were actually a different couple. And so you'll find that out in a future episode, which I hope Eva joins me for again. That's a good one, too. We're going to call that the sensitive nurses episode.

And I really that eva will join me for that one as well sweet so uh anyway so we didn't really talk to alex and siri very much so we had all but forgotten about them to be honest but fast forward to january of 2024 and this guy reaches out to me on one of the sites we use um and we chat a little bit and exchange some pics and suddenly he says we know you guys so he recalled the dinner we had at the hotel takeover where eva and i vaguely remember meeting them so we continue chatting and i actually really hit it off with this guy you know he had a very similar sense of humor to me and his wife was very very attractive and really enjoyed board games so if you listen to previous episodes you'll recall that eva and i love board games we are board game nerds so if you're willing to play board games with us then that's serious bonus points for you it is so February February rolls around and we're going to try this a new club it's called tempted in Louisville and we highly we highly recommend this club it is a great club but it is three hours from us so you know we'll probably go maybe once a year once or twice a year as it turned out coincidentally alex and siri were going as well so we were going with some other lifestyle friends of ours but we said that we would definitely say hello and chat with them while we were there so eventually we found them at the club uh eva and i we we approached them and said hello i remember siri was wearing this tight red dress she was looking pretty damn fine in it so was everyone else at that club that is true valentine's day everyone was wearing a tight red dress i don't remember what he was wearing either I don't think there's anything remarkable.

It wasn't a tight red dress, so I don't remember what he was wearing either i don't think it wasn't a tight red dress so i don't remember either um so we talked with them a little bit throughout the night but we were with another couple so we couldn't devote an exceptional amount of time to them you know we wanted to be respectful but i noticed something and i usually don't notice things i'm very oblivious to things but you know i don't read signals well but i was picking up that siri was was actually into me you know i kept noticing her eyeballing me from across the room she caught me eyeballing her a few times um so i made it a point that before we left that club i wanted to dance with her at least one time so we were getting closer to departure time so i finally got the opportunity where she wasn't talking to other people to ask her for a dance so i danced with her and i told her you know i told her how hot i thought she looked and how nice her smile was and i also told her that i hoped i would be able to see her again sometime and she said she would love that awesome and i danced with him while you did you see i don't remember that really i think okay okay so after we danced i assume we were leaving right away but we probably stayed around for like another 20 minutes or so i don't know and during that time alex and siri both came over to talk to talk to us again so i'm talking to siri and all of a sudden i look to my left and eva is kissing alex i asked him first you did didn't you didn't you say like can i bite your bottom lip or something can i suck on your bottom lip i think so well it was very obvious that he was interested oh yeah at that time well how could they not be listeners i want you to know my wife is drop dead fucking hot no she's not yes she is so i wish i can show you her but i cannot so um i was like how did this happen so she stopped kissing him and i don't know what you said to siri but it was something like oh i asked if i could kiss yeah like now it's your turn or something like that so they started kissing oh my god so we already knew we were going to meet them at some point after well sure we knew we were going to do a spicy date well sure so so they stopped and i said something like to siri i was like well hell i'm the only one not getting kissed so can i kiss you and she pulled me in and we kissed and it was hot and i was just i was so excited to see her again and you know we we left shortly after that now i will say this siri is a lot like eva she doesn't like to chat on messaging platforms you know until things really have gotten going with our conversations so it was mostly me and this dude chatting for the next several days after tempted you had a great time with that i did and i'll yes um and i'll explain that in just a moment but eva was also interested in chatting with alex so not until like we had scheduled it was just a few days before okay we were going to meet them all right but let's let's go into that now so alex was open to to um chatting with eva but that did not go swimmingly did it it did not so explain to our listeners how that did not go swimmingly it it just well what did i say to you that he might be as bad as you at flirting yes because i suck at flirting i totally i totally suck at evan is yeah really bad at flirting he is in person via text anything he is he's not exaggerating he's really bad at it a lot of flirty things that get sent to women I actually write on his behalf sure that's why we're an EOK's it we're a good team but you would throw out like all this flirtatious banter and he would would never respond.

That is what I was expecting. Yeah, I gave him many, many openings to compliment me. But he never complimented you. He never did. No, he texted with me, he chatted with me as though he was chatting with you almost. Yeah.

And so I didn't, it didn't last long was you know a half hour and then I was like well this is boring I'm done with it I guess we'll see how the evening goes because some people are just not good at flirting and not good at chatting like Evan like me but he's a ton of fun in the bedroom and at dinner and to talk to in person and listen to podcasts yeah all right so we so we had this date set up and he told me something during you know the the period before that that still sticks in my mind he he said to me in a text he's like he said siri really wants to fuck you and i confess listeners that i don't hear things like that very often though i jokingly refer to eva as the bait in our lifestyle relationship she is the bait she attracts the men because she is smoking hot both with her physical appearance and because of her personality so she is the bait she reels the guys in and if the guys want a piece of piece of her then their spouse has to put up with me so that's probably not completely accurate no it is not i don't reel anyone in oh you do i do not oh you do so that is honestly um Um, how I see we, we, uh, we, we target our, our couples is that, you know, Eva's the bait and I'm just the guy that the other woman has to have sex.

You target them that way. I don't target them at all. So if you're the bait, maybe I'm the rod. Cause you have to go fishing. I like your rod. You have to have a rod. You know how to use it well. You have to have a rod. So you're the bait and I'm the rod. Anyway. All right.

So Alex and I, we arranged to have you know how to use it well you have to have a rod so you're the bait and i'm the rod anyway all right so alex and i we arranged to have a date a couple weeks later and they lived outside of cincinnati their kids were not going to be home they had their house to themselves and could host us now hosting is a huge boon if you go back and listen to episode six i explain how many or how having someone host is such a benefit for saving money and for having a laid-back casual atmosphere so the plan was dinner with alex and suri then back to their place for games things went well play time before the date he sent me a weird text though very weird it was it that morning It was either the night before or.

Very weird. Was it that morning? It was either the night before or that morning. It was after I had given up on chatting with him. Okay.

Well, at the time, I didn't really know if it was a bad omen but it was it was he asked if it would be okay if during our play date he brought out some of the sex furniture he built he had like a saddle of some kind and a swing spanking bench spanking yeah and he wanted to know if he could take photos because he loved photography oh i don't remember you telling me that yeah i just knew i as soon as you said he wants to know if and i was like um no not on the first date anyway that's something i would be open to from someone that i'd met with multiple times and knew well yes and that's what i told him and he was fine with it you know we just said it's very weird of him to bring it up to someone who he's never been with right very weird so we had all these little warning signs but we kept at it dinner was interesting uh the place they picked was decent but very very loud it was very loud that was annoying it was tough to have uh conversations that we're used to having um funny side story this heavy older heavier older gentleman at the table next to us came crashing to the floor when his chair broke underneath him and you would think that that would be the most crazy interesting story of the evening but it wasn't so at dinner we talked about eva said something was off she is much better at this than i am i am and we have a new rule since this since this night too we'll go ahead and tell them the rule the new rule is we do not play with.

We do not have a spicy date until we have had a vanilla date first with absolutely no expectations and no intentions. Like I deliberately do not shave my legs before the first vanilla date with a couple. Because if my legs and other areas are unshaven, then there's no way I'm going to be tempted to let anyone new view anything or feel anything or touch anything.

And I do not want to be tempted in any way to break this rule and, uh, and do a spicy date go back to their house because the last time we did that it didn't it wasn't bad but it was nothing to nothing special at all i could have lived without it so and now and during this dinner like i i always made it like i make point. Like, I want to give the girl my attention. So, you know, a lot of eye contact, showing interest. You did that. Yeah, I did. He did not do that to you. No, he did not. And, and I remember I have to, I have to mention this because, just, because it paints a picture.

At one point, Siri looked at me, pointed at me and said, I want that dick. During dinner? Yes.

dinner yes she said that and i was like i was all hot and bothered by that i didn't hear that massive turn on uh so another interesting thing that happened during that dinner was that they told us a few interesting stories of some bad lifestyle experiences they had and we said oh we really didn't have any interesting lifestyle experiences little did we know but this night was going to turn into one of those tales so dinner wrapped up and i thought i just thought of something that i remember thinking of when we were at dinner and i never mentioned it to you when i was chatting with him i specifically asked like does he have a favorite color does he have a favorite style of lingerie does he have um like you really like dangly earrings that really turns you on does he have anything like that i told him you really like dangly earrings now what i expected him to do was tell his wife that evan really enjoys dangly earrings that did not because she didn't have any earrings on at all no yeah so he did not tell her that true because i know she would have worn them if she had known oh yeah because like i said usually yeah i can't sense when women are into me but she was into me yeah so we got to their house after dinner wrapped up and the second we got in the door not exaggerating alex wanted to show us all his cool gadgets and tech stuff he used alexa for everything and that's why we're using his name as alex for this everything okay to turn on the lights to adjust the brightness of the lighting to adjust the temperature to play music and he Thank you.

And that's why we're using his name as Alex for this. Everything, okay? To turn on the lights, to adjust the brightness of the lighting, to adjust the temperature, to play music. And he took time to explain all the wiring he did and how there were speakers built in every room in the house. Now, a normal person could have taken a minute to explain that as a quick anecdote and moved on. But this guy kept going. And after that, he told us to come down to the basement.

And and keep in mind we've been in his house for five minutes yeah he wanted to show us his big screen tv his 3d printers his stereo system which he cranked up to full blast immediately so we could feel the house shape i don't remember that no he did i was checked out by then already well he apparently thought we were going to be super impressed by this but we weren't well he was probably upset that he didn't get to bring out his spanking bench and swing and show us how he built it well we finally got away from his tech babble and sat down upstairs back in the kitchen area to play a board game i sat next to siri and eva and alex sat across from us and two things happened of note during this game so i'm going to explain this eva and then i want you to chime in with your impressions and everything okay okay so when he was not making a move in the game he was spending 100 of his time on his phone 100 messing with his playlist, and talking to Alexa to change songs and genres and playlists, or adjust the lighting in the rooms next to us.

Changing speakers. Changing speakers, messing with the volume. It was constant. And the other thing he did was give Eva absolutely zero attention. None. Oh, you saw that, though? Yeah oh you saw that though you didn't oh i thought you didn't notice that until i pointed it out at the second we got in the car looking back i noticed i realized but he never complimented you in the moment but once i mentioned it you were like oh yeah right exactly well because you were wrapped, as you should have been. Well, he never complimented you a single time. No, he did not.

Never touched you, not even like a brush against your shoulder. Mm-mm. Nothing. Like, nothing. And my door was wide open. Oh, yeah. For all that.

And at one point, without saying a word, he used his phone to turn on the tv in the adjacent room and started playing porn and we thought that was very odd we thought that was odd i think maybe he was going to trying to be funny i don't know like shock us but by that point i was so checked out and that's the thing usually if this would normally happen eva we would respect each other's decision and she could have very easily told me we're done here oh i yeah i could have i knew i could have but at that point correct me if i'm wrong you were thinking one of two things one he'll either redeem himself in the bedroom or two this is going to be one hell of a story to tell other people i will be honest honest.

At that point, I was not thinking of the story I was going to get to tell. I was genuinely thinking this would change when we get to the bedroom. Oh, when it gets worse. Because it did not change. But because I had never, it was a totally new experience for me. Totally new. I've never been ignored like that ever in my life, in any situation, lifestyle or not. Yeah. Never been. But I kept thinking, is it just nerves? Is it, it didn't seem like nerves, but it also did not seem deliberate.

It just, he just was completely oblivious to any anything i was doing he was just so wrapped up in why alexa wasn't doing things he was asking it to do because it wasn't working right it was an obsession yeah so we kept going the game ended and siri got up to use the restroom he won the game i think or came in second i think he came in second oh yeah you won well when she got out of the restroom she was in the family room and she looked at me from across the room and she used her finger to like beckon me to like say come here and i was like yes ma'am so i went right to her she grabbed my hand and started leading me upstairs because you know she said she wanted that dick earlier yeah she did and that was a totally new situation for me too to have someone lead you off and well yeah i wanted you to tell this yeah i was kind of so of left standing in the kitchen, although he was in there and any normal person would have done what he did not do.

I assumed that as soon as his wife and you, you know, stepped out and stepped off, even though we don't do separate rooms um I have no problem starting in separate you know I really thought I would get some attention then and I did not I literally had to ask him so where did they go where do I need to go point me in the right direction because I got tired of standing there waiting and I just trotted my little self up the stairs by myself Thank you. where do I need to go point me in the right direction?

Because I got tired of standing there waiting and I just trotted my little self up the stairs by myself, found the bedroom to see you and Siri standing there kissing, which was great. That was fine. And I stood around and waited a little longer and thought, I guess I'll take some clothes off.

And eventually he showed up and what does he immediately do oh my god he starts messing with the lights through alexa oh my he literally interrupted you and her getting things going to show us oh yeah how alexa controlled the night stands and the music i'm gonna try very hard to to not use the actual names here but he'd say things like Alexa turn on Siri side Alexa reduce Alex aside brightness by 10% Alexa change Siri side to red and Siri side never worked yeah nothing never worked the music because the whole house was supposed to be wired together the music he ended up giving up and leaving it on i assume it was spotify or apple plus or something i it wasn't a playlist there were commercials oh my god you don't notice things like that but i had nothing else to focus on i had nothing to distract me from the insanity that this man was instead of saying instead of saying fuck this i'm calling this quits i had this beautiful hot woman here ready to fuck me i'll just worry about the lights and music later nope that did not happen he kept at it that did not happen i can't remember how long it was but it was very awkward between the three of us were just basically standing there waiting for him yeah when he finally got done he came over and i think you guys started messing around at that point so yeah now if you can call let that so i so i i took off series bra and they were nice smallish but nice boobs sorry she had nice but she was a lot of fun she did very very fun she undid my pants i would love to see her again me too and she started giving me a blow job and then next to me and you'll and this is what i remember so'll have to correct me on this, it seemed like you were trying to do the same to him.

I was. But something wasn't working. If the words blowjob just mean someone's dick is in my mouth, then that is what was going on. But I did every, pulled out, every trick that I could.

The most i could get was a semi i established a semi only only if the entire thing was in my mouth and i was like sucking as hard as i could our dog is trying to get into our office right now it's so next thing next thing i know we'll kind of skip ahead here um i was having sex with siri on the bed while eva was riding alex or so i thought because oh that was a while down the road was there something else in between that i'm missing well first i would like to establish that after he completely ignored me in the kitchen and I took myself upstairs by myself um that is when in my mind I thought I am truly I'm here for you meaning I'm here for Evan because I don't want him to have a bad night I know that they really into each other.

And it's not like I was grossed out or anything. We have to pause. We have to pause. All right, we're back from our pause. So hopefully that was seamless in the recording. So I have a question for listeners out there. Have you ever had sex while listening to the ants go marching one by one? Because that's what was going on.

You were trying to have sex with a guy who had a 100% flaccid dick and there was the ants go marching one by one playing on his playlist or his whatever music system it wasn't a playlist i'm telling you they don't there's no small kits so there were commercials which distracted me and then the ants go marching one by one was playing like a genuine children's thing and there was at least one other preschool song either before or after it and that is the moment i was lying on my back on the bed while you were fucking siri and having a great time that is a moment i was like i i had to stop myself from laughing i remember thinking i cannot believe that this is what is going on right now.

This is going to make the best fucking story I have ever been able to tell. Lying here, singing in my head, the ants go marching one by one, while a guy literally tries to stuff a 100% flaccid penis inside me.

And I'm just laying there thinking wonder how far he's gonna get before he gets it like how far is he gonna go with it I can't believe he even got a condom to stay on it I it just was surreal it was surreal and at some point there was a break in the action and eva was closer to me at some point on the bed well i gave up on him and started playing with her okay and then that's when he started caressing and touching and kissing and fondling his wife yes yeah and he got hard while doing this great good for him yeah and started fucking her from behind now ladies and gentlemen put yourself in his shoes you are struggling to get hard you have this hot struggling to stay hard okay but he never got totally hard i'm telling you and you have this hot woman in your bedroom who is not your wife, who you have invited here for a good time, and you have yet to come through.

You have yet to provide a good time. What would you have done once your wife was able to get you hard? Because that's happened to us. To you, right? Yeah. I've had to help you. And I talked about that in episode two.

He sent you numerous, not numerous, but on more than one time and sent you on your merry way to the other side of the bed well i hope you agree all you listeners out there i hope you agree with eva and myself on this when that happens you switch over and fuck the woman who came here to be fucked by you yes but he didn't do that nope he just kept going at it with his wife from behind until he finished eva and i looked at each other like what i know we were watching each other the whole time he chose looking right at you he chose to finish in his wife while eva was actually on he pulled out actually yes sprayed it all over her literally right next to him watching yeah he can he can have sex with his wife any time any day eva was here for one night specifically for that reason he should have been like awesome i'm hard now now i can take care of eva nope he finished with his wife and i thought boy this story just keeps getting better and better so at that point uh eva asked series like could could she watch her and me i said i would really like to watch you fuck my husband one more time that was hot i did it for you i know and the the night was a loss.

So you were like, you might as well. Exactly. I just wanted you to have as good of a time as possible because you still didn't realize how shitty of a time I was having.

And if I had had a different personality, you probably would have absolutely realized because I wouldn't have been able to hide it but for me the thought of having a good story means the night truly wasn't that shitty the experience was a shitty lifestyle experience but the night was worth this story and it was worth it that you had a really good time no I just I wish I could see her again it was totally worth it but but there's a little bit more to this so while i did with her alex sat back on the bed and started massaging eva's shoulders well because i was playing with i was biting and kissing and licking in her nipples and her face while you were fucking her.

And I couldn't even, I couldn't even do that without him. But that's the thing. But my thing is, you know, you hardly touched her all night. And then you wait until after you've come all over your wife. And now you're going to give her a massage. You're going to give a massage to this thoroughly dissatisfied woman. I didn't need a massage. The massage was like distracting. I was trying. Why was he even bothering? I don't know. I don't know. It was insane. Because it wasn't even really a sensual massage. It was. He had no charm. Just. Yeah. No idea how to please a woman. No, I feel bad for her.

That was my first. I kept thinking that throughout the night.

Not only is this a good story, but my God, I hope this is not how he is with her all the time after all the technology focus he had then he starts randomly giving you a massage it was just so freaking weird yeah so i i thought i was bad at you know reading signals but this guy was he took the cake and i mean you knew at that you You at that point that oh yeah he did not come through and that i surely did not have a good time up there right yeah okay okay and i ended up walking out of there thinking like i was like god in bed compared to him and you are everyone is and well and it wasn't really about him not hard.

He was the worst lay I've ever had in my life. That's quite a statement. So, and it wasn't about getting hard, okay? Eva and I know. No. Being in the lifestyle, that that's going to happen sometimes. And I, listeners, I completely understand that happens to men.

And I really think that most women understand that happens to men and we know it's because of nerves and we know it's your your it's not an age and we know I know that I am sexy because I hear it all the time from my husband and from numerous other people in the lifestyle I have confidence it is not me i understand it's anxiety however when you have made no attempt to even touch me or talk to me or look at me throughout the evening it is 100 your fault because you did nothing to get the the motor running mine or yours so if you're not gonna you're not gonna perform fine but at least be attentive to your date's needs like give her attention give her compliments this guy did none of that he had no game and okay the previous men that I've been with that had some trouble staying hard they at least had a good fingering game they had a good oral game they had a good nipple play game they could give me something this guy could give me nothing nothing literally nothing so we can wrap up the story here we we put on our clothes we thanked them for hosting and began it was like an hour and 20 minute drive home it was it was a lengthy drive um we were both in shock we were like what the fuck did we just experience and how was i so wrong about this guy you know we hit it off great better than most other guys i've met in the lifestyle but it was clearly an oversight and it was not what we expected and And the ride home eva is sitting there obviously very unsatisfied and understandably annoyed that she gave up an evening but still i mean i don't think i was annoyed yeah so i mean i was annoyed i was annoyed at the situation i was annoyed that someone could be that oblivious so we actually called called my dj partner we are texted my dj partner and another friend that we know from the lifestyle it was close to 1 a.m we knew it was a long shot but we wanted one of them to drive out and meet us somewhere in eva because in the car yes you know my dj partner isn't in the lifestyle anymore so we knew that was a long shot.

And my other friend, his wife, fucks other guys, you know, threesomes and separate play. But I don't think he's allowed to be with other women. You know, that's their thing. So I knew it was a long shot, too. Sadly, it didn't happen. And we arrived home, and I took care of you by myself. Which was wonderful. It was the end to a very strange, but very interesting. It was, oh my God.

It god it was worth the story though i truly would do it again to have this story so there's one other just tiny thing to wrap this up so the next day which was sunday i texted alex i thanked him for hosting us but i made it a point to not say hey we had a great time and all that well when we hugged goodbye because I you know put on a smiling happy face and and again I'm happy to have the story so the night was not all lost um so it's not like I was gonna yell at him or slap him across the face or refuse to hug him or storm storm out that's just not my personality I gave him a hug and i said thank you for having us over that because i thought in my head i'm like i am not gonna say i had a great time i am not gonna say i had fun i'm not gonna say let's do this again i'm not gonna kiss him goodbye because honestly he wasn't even that great of a kisser never met anyone anyone who had such a little game but but i said that you know we had a great time i said oh you know you didn't no that's right i said we had we had you you just thanked for having us over and i said uh you know we were up so late we're just getting up now because it was a late text normally we would have texted when we got home right to say hey we're we made it home okay but he didn't respond all day sunday he did not respond to my message and you were waiting because you wanted to call him out no you would yeah he would have thanked us for coming over for traveling an hour and 20 minutes to spend time with them nope you know you would have thought he would have said something anything to address the evening we just had but no he did not respond to my text until the next day which was monday and all it said was this so i'm going to read you this exact quote yeah yesterday was a lazy day for us lol that was it and that is the end of our interaction with that couple we never heard from him again you know but hope you both had fun we really enjoyed your company um or even just you know i'm sorry things didn't work i don't anything nothing or even just we don't like you guys fuck off nothing we got nothing just yeah yesterday was a lazy day for us.

LOL. Did not acknowledge the evening at all. And I wanted him to. Yeah. Because now I was irritated and I was going to, I was going to tell him how I treated him. In a nice way. In a nice way. I wanted to say, you are more interested in playing with technology than my wife. Because what I really wanted him to say was, we'd like to get together again sometime.

And I was going to say, no, because you wanted to play with technology and not my wife so i'm just kind of at the stage where i feel like i want to start calling people out on bullshit in the lifestyle because i don't want other people to go through what we go through with things like this. So I wanted to be upfront and honest with him, man to man. You know, this is what's up, dude. But he never gave me that opening. So I never sent him another message, and he never sent me another one. And that was it. That was about two months ago at the time of this recording.

So I hope this is a cautionary tale. People may not be as they appear in their photos. People may not be as they come across in their text messages. And guys, take it from me, another guy. Your number one priority is showing your date a good time. They're your focus when you have a play date. Your number one priority is your wife. Well, after that, that's a given that you're my number one priority. Okay, I just want to make sure. I know that. But they don't know you, the people listening to this. Okay. Am I wrong? You are not wrong. You are always my number one priority.

Okay, but even when we're on a spicy date, you are always looking out for me. Just that. Other than that. Yeah. Okay. Treat them treat them well okay performance issues are normal they can happen they may be something you can't control that's understandable if they do please switch to a different method plenty you can control women are we are open to just about everything you know You know, complementing your date, that should be a requirement, okay? Talk.

and control women are we are open to just about everything you know complimenting your date that should be a requirement okay talking to your date absolute requirement so focus on that make her feel comfortable make her feel sexy make her feel like you like you want to be there with her because you should want to be there with her otherwise why did you even set up this date so i have an expression that i like to use to describe how i go into a lifestyle date what i say is i don't give a shit about my pleasure all i care about is your pleasure i get more pleasure i'm gonna say pleasure like 10 times yeah i get more pleasure out of knowing i'm i've given a woman pleasure than being pleasured myself that is a lot of pleasure so if that if that makes any sense and i truly believe that's the way it should be if you're a gentleman like me and hopefully that rings true with most of you gentlemen out there so that's our story of the alexa dude and we don't have very many crazy stories to share but that is certainly one of them i can only think of one other and i'm hoping you come back for that one i will come back for that actually then i can think of two others oh i can't wait to hear so it was definitely a learning experience um definitely gave us a great tale to tell other lifestyle dates and we have we've already talked to several other lifestyle people about it it's actually really funny if i think back because as soon as we got in the car and i told you what you know all had gone on because you saw the difficulty in the bedroom that's really all you noticed You didn't notice that I was ignored the whole previous part of the evening.

You didn't really notice. The next thing I did was send a message to the couple that we were meeting the following weekend. Who we know well. We've met before. A couple of times. Three or four times now. And I said, you better bring your A-game next week to make up for the night I just had. And he did, by the way. He did. Yes, he did. So I think we're going to sign off here. So if you made it this far, I humbly thank you for taking the time of your busy schedule to listen to this podcast. And I want to thank my wife, Eva, for joining us today. I hope that she will come back and do this again.

Especially the sensitive nurses story I can't wait to tell about. That's a good one. Yeah. So look for that title in future episodes. If you see one that says sensitive nurses, you'll know that that's a good one and that Eva will be back to discuss that one with me. In the meantime, feel free to connect with me. You can find me on Kik and Instagram at Evan Deanson. That's E-V-A-N-D-E-A-S. You just spelled your name wrong.

E-V-A-N-D-E-A-N-S-O-o-n evan deanson i would be happy to answer any questions you have in a future podcast episode or talk about a topic you'd like to hear about i can answer questions too i was just about to say now that you know eva can do this if you have questions for her i will definitely make her get on here and and answer those questions so so hit me up sometime if that's something that interests you bye for now see you next time on evan swings goodbye