Episode 53: Quick Bits

Transcript

the following podcast contains adult content including adult language i talk openly about sex and other adult topics if you are under the age of 18 or are uncomfortable listening to sexually explicit narratives please listen no further i am not a professional therapist counselor or doctor i'm just an average guy in the swinger lifestyle who likes to share his experiences. This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. Please seek a professional if you are in need of guidance or care as it relates to sexual health or alternative lifestyles.

Hi, everyone, and welcome to Evan Swings, a lifestyle podcast from the perspective of a guy in the lifestyle. I'm your host, Evan, and I'm just an average guy in the lifestyle, along with my lovely wife, Eva. Thank you for joining me today. If you are new around here, I hope you enjoy the show. End up checking out some of my older content and possibly come back for more. It is my goal to entertain and inform. Please remember though, I'm not an expert. I don't claim to be an expert on the lifestyle. I just like to offer my honest perspective again, as a way to, uh, entertain and inform and,.

And just shout out real quick to my returning listeners. Thank you so much. Thanks for coming back to me. Really appreciate the support. Today's episode is going to be a little different. My usual format is to start with an introduction, maybe give an update on a previous episode's topic, maybe a quick little anecdote, then I dive into my main topic of the day. Well, today, I'm straying from that, straying from that format. Instead, I will be doing some Thank you. Well, today, I'm straying from that, straying from that format.

Instead, I will be doing some brief commentary on a variety of topics, four to be precise. Don't know if you heard that, my dog barked. Remember, I just do this, you know, casually in my home home office so you get that once in a while but anyway as I said I'm straying from my usual format and just doing a commentary on four topics because you see here's how I prepare for this podcast I have a google doc and on that Google doc, I keep notes. When a topic comes to my mind that I would like to address in an episode, I'll jot it down or type it, I guess I should say, um, in that Google doc.

It's like a list of ideas that I hope to talk about at some point on the show. Well, some topics don't really warrant an entire episode. I try to make each episode between 30 and 40 minutes, whenever I can. Granted, sometimes I exceed that, but I usually keep it right around that time frame. I think I dipped under 30 minutes once. But regardless, there are some topics that I just don't have that much to say about. I don't have that much material. I can't stretch those topics into full episodes, nor would I want to. I mean, that would be a lot of boring filler.

So instead, what I decided to do with this episode was to touch on those topics that have accumulated on my Google Doc of Notes, and I call it Quick Bits. I'm going to start with a minor complaint, and I know, I know, I seem to have a lot of minor complaints. What can I say? I have a high level of expectation, I guess, when it comes to lifestyle matters. This complaint revolves around two of our lifestyle friends, a couple who we have played with just a couple of times at the time of this recording.

They are very, very busy people people we hit it off back in the spring and you know right now i'm recalling i'm recording this it's it's very close to fall so we hit it off back in the spring you know really hit it off and all four of us were eager to see each other again and here we are in late september and we've only managed to see each other twice Let's do this. it off and all four of us were eager to see each other again. And here we are in late September and we've only managed to see each other twice, despite hoping and trying for more.

They actually played with some other friends of ours and we all decided we wanted to try for a group playdate, a six-person playdate. However, schedules didn't match up for the other couple that I just mentioned, so instead, I suggested that just the four of us get together. They happily accepted, and they suggested we do something a little different because the previous two dates we had, they just hosted at their home and it was a lot of fun. But they suggested doing something different. They actually suggested going to a club. And Eva and I were all for that.

We love going to the club and wish we had more lifestyle friends who were interested in going with us. So we were all in right away. But I thought about it for a moment and figured that I needed to mention to them that I did not enjoy playing at the club. So if they still wanted to go, we would have to look into getting a hotel for afterwards. Eva and I also don't play on the first date or the same night we meet someone at a club. Her rule, by the way, not mine. Well, I wanted to make sure that they knew this.

The dude responded that one of the things they liked about going to the club was finding a couple to play with that night. Okay, that's fine. I had no problem with that. They would be with us. So that really wouldn't apply, right? But then he said that he thought we should just do something else entirely, you know, instead of going to the club, because he said it would be really awkward if they met someone there and went off to play with them without us. I don't know why, but that bothered me. And I'm trying to figure out if I was rightfully bothered. Like, should this have bothered me?

In my mind, if you were agreeing to go to a club with another couple, that's your date for the evening. Sure, you're welcome to chat with whoever you want and we'll feel free to do the same, but we're there together to enjoy each other's company and respect each other's rules.

You know, ours is that we don't play with anybody we just meet and I don't like playing at the club and then of course also in our case we uh you know we we take our company to a hotel room after you know after our time of dancing and chatting and drinking at the club and i don't know i was just i was i was just bothered it's like it's like they were saying sure you know we'll go to the club with you but we may leave you and fuck other people instead of you and I'm just I'm just not sure of the etiquette in a situation like this you know and and a lot of it boils down to the that that rule that we have you know we don't play with anybody on the you know where we just met them and I don't like playing at the club so I know a lot of it boils down to that and if they were with a different couple that didn't have those rules well then maybe maybe we'd feel a lot differently as a matter of fact I'm I'm fairly certain I would feel a lot differently.

But they should have been respecting our rules. You're agreeing to go to the club with me, with us, I should say, sorry. And I'm just, I'm not sure of the etiquette here. Now, in their defense, you know, they did speak up right away and say, you know, we should do something else to avoid any awkwardness. So, so it's all good. But it just got me thinking, what is the etiquette here? In my mind, you are agreeing to go to the club with another couple and you are well aware of their rules or their dynamic.

You are well aware they don't play at the club you are well aware that they don't that we don't play with people you know after just meeting them that evening well that is your date for the night so that's what you were agreeing to but again in his defense he spoke up right away and now we don't have to worry but it just brings up the question you know what is the etiquette here is it don't go to a club with another couple if you plan on leaving them and fucking other couples while you were there or is it assumed that if you go to a club a club, there is a possibility you may hit it off with a couple other than the one you plan to spend time with.

And I'm just not sure about this one. I'm just glad the dude here knew we could easily avoid anything uncomfortable by planning to do something else instead of going to the club that evening problem solved for now i really would like to know what the proper etiquette is though i mean i i guess really it doesn't matter as long as everyone is on the same page we clearly were not on the same page in this situation so we nipped it in the bud and no feelings were hurt, no harm done.

But it just makes me wonder, probably just our dynamic, I'm sure there are plenty of couples out there who go to the club with other couples and know that they might not end up playing with each other that night or playing as a larger group with new couples that they meet joining them. It's just not the way Eva and I operate and that is fine. Everyone is different. Next quick bit here. Money. Let's talk about money. This is something that's something that Eva and I have talked about quite a bit. The lifestyle is expensive.

In one episode, like a while back, I can't even remember what episode it was. It was a while back. I talked about the costs of being in the lifestyle. and then in another, I used a hotel takeover as an example. Just to attend a hotel takeover and spend two nights at the host hotel, you can expect to pay at least $800 for the weekend.

And in reality, it's a lot more than that when you figure in wardrobe theme decorations travel vendor purchases because they have lots of vendors at the events meals drinks why am i bringing this up well eva and i marvel all the time about how the couples we we usually meet and turn out uh hitting it off with they seem to be much wealthier than us we are the textbook definition of middle class all not even upper or lower middle class. We are middle, middle class. I am a teacher, a noble profession, sure, but certainly not one of the highest paying.

Eva owns a small healthcare business in our city and sets her own hours, but her client base is small and rotates frequently, like she discharges them and gets new clients. There's a, there's a, a generally a big rotation. Therefore, income from her business fluctuates greatly. We have a daughter in college. We just had to spend thousands of dollars on a surgery for our dog. And the very next day after we, it was the very next day after we had to spend like $600 to fix Eva's car that broke down. So we have a lot of expenses.

We are by no means hurting for money, but at the same time, we certainly do not have the flexibility of doing what we see a lot of others in the lifestyle doing, like frequent trips to resorts, several hotel takeovers a year, visits to clubs in faraway cities, trips to Vegas. I mean, all that sounds amazing, but it's just something we just can't afford to do. We are very thankful for the life that we lead, the life that we have. We have plenty of luxuries that many in this world do not have.

it's just it's just quite humorous to us that I would say 75% of the people we have hit it off with in the lifestyle have been clearly much more well off than we are. And we have hosted at our house and we have a nice house, plenty of space space fairly well kept and it's an it's an older home in 1960s but you know we've we've updated it put a lot of a lot of work into it but it's you know it's a nice home but then you know a couple reciprocates and hosts at their home and their house is immaculate. When that happens, Eva and I, we can't help but notice.

So it just makes us wonder, are most couples in the lifestyle fairly wealthy? Or has it just been luck of the draw that we have mostly connected with couples who are more well off than we are? And honestly, you know, I'm saying this, but it really doesn't matter. And it hasn't mattered in the grand scheme of things. I don't think anyone we've met has looked at us and thought, oh, look at those poor fuckers. Nothing like that.

And, and, you and you know the the people that we've like I said we've hit it off so you know they're super nice people we get along with them so it's really not a big deal it's just something that Eva and I have clearly noticed and I just thought it would be an interesting study to see the mean income of couples in the lifestyle. Okay, next quick bit. Next item to discuss, unattractive Eskimo brothers. Now, if you don't know the term Eskimo brother, I learned it from a show from a while back called The League. It was a comedy about fantasy football.

Anyway, it was established in that show that if someone had previously had sex with someone you have had sex with, that person is considered your Eskimo brother. So that means any man who has had sex with Eva is my Eskimo brother. If I play with a woman, any other person that has played with her is my Eskimo brother. Well, on several occasions during our time in the lifestyle, we have gotten fairly close with another couple, and they in turn end up recommending another couple to us.

You know, they think, okay, well, we really get along with Evan and Eva, and we also get along really well with this other couple. What if we had them meet? You know, I, you know, they think that we would hit it off pretty well. And having a large group of lifestyle friends who all get along and are all attracted to one another and therefore can all play together, something I have always hoped to find. So when a couple we have played with recommends we meet some of their other lifestyle friends, it sounds great. There's potential.

But a few times this has happened and we are just not attracted to the other couple at all. In fact, on a few occasions, we have found the other couple that was recommended to us to be downright very unattractive. And then that leads us to think, we can't believe our friends play with that couple. And then that leads us to think, wait a minute, if that other couple is so unattractive, does that mean we are just as unattractive? I mean, if their standard for physical attractiveness is that low, what does that make us? I have to admit, it has made Eva and I think about that on a few occasions.

Like, wow, are we really on that level? And we have shaken shaken it off it's not something we have dwelled on it's just just something interesting to us that that i've always wanted to mention on this podcast because i wonder if other couples out there have experienced the same thing i mean i i tend to believe most guys out there, not all, but most, have a similar picture in mind of, you know, a similar idea of what an attractive woman looks like. Like if I was talking to a bunch of guys and I brought up the name of a hot celebrity, all the guys would be like, oh, yeah, damn, she's hot.

No one would be like, no way, man, she's an ugger. There are not many males in the school where I teach, but we all agree that one particular staff member is the hottest. And we all pretty much agree on the others we find attractive. So we all have fairly similar standards when it comes to physical attraction. That's why when I see an Eskimo brother of mine and I think, or thinks he is very unattractive, it makes me wonder, is that my level of attractiveness? Is that the tier I am on? And if so, I don't like it. It's a very sobering feeling.

Now, saying all that, you know, it's really it really hasn't been an issue. I mean, I, you know, it's not something we dwell on or continue to think about. It's not like that. It's just something interesting we've talked about. It's not, um, it has not contributed to me feeling less confident as a person, um, or, you know, self-conscious in, uh, in the lifestyle at all. It's just, again, so a little topic that I wanted to talk about next topic. I want to talk about the importance of reclaim sex, at least the importance of it to Eva and myself.

After playing with other people, we believe it is extremely important to have reclaimed sex and reestablish the loving bond we have as a husband and a wife. And I know that sounds corny, so here's something that's not so corny. We also find reclaimed sex to be incredibly hot. The thought that we just fucked other people is still fresh in our minds, and it is a huge turn-on for both of us. Therefore, those are the main reasons we do it, or, you know, why we find it so important, and dare I say necessary, after a playdate.

Well, it doesn't happen often, but sometimes circumstances prevent reclaimed sex from happening soon after a play date. And I guess I should clarify here, okay, we usually engage in reclaimed sex very soon after a play date. You know, if we're at a hotel and our guests leave, it usually occurs within minutes after they leave. If we're at an Airbnb, it usually occurs, you know, as soon as we turn in for the night and head to our own bedroom. And if another couple is hosting, it happens very soon after we return to our own home.

You know, we check in with our daughter, we say hello to our dogs, maybe put our unused drinks away, and then we head to bed and get down to business before trying to fall asleep. Occasionally, though, very infrequently, circumstances prevent this. A prime example is what happened to us about two weeks ago. We visited some lifestyle friends of ours at their home. They are fairly frequent play partners of ours, and we consider them really good friends.

The night before our date, Eva had eaten a gummy that she had never tried before, and it wreaked havoc on her stomach and interrupted her sleep, making her very tired the morning of our date. I asked her if she wanted to cancel, and she said that she preferred to power through it.

So we went on this playdate, had a lot of fun but eva still wasn't feeling herself when we got in the car to return home she was exhausted and reclined in her seat so that she could get some sleep in the car then when we reached home she wanted nothing more than to just get right in bed and go to sleep, and I certainly could not fault her for that. We agreed that we'd have reclaimed sex in the morning, but Eva was even more tired than she expected.

When I woke up, she was still fast asleep and knowing she was still recovering from the bad gummy that that horrid experience she had i of course did not want to wake her i quietly slipped out of bed and went about my morning and eva ended up sleeping to i don't know like 11 30 or noon and when she finally stumbled out into our family room I could tell she was still out of it just still not quite herself this gummy just rocked her early afternoon rolled around and she apologized that we didn't have reclaimed sex yet.

And I told her I completely understood, and that we could just do it as soon as she was ready. I went grocery shopping, as I usually do on Sundays, and when I came home, she said she was feeling better, but not quite up to snuff yet. I asked her, if it was at all possible, could she power through it tonight? Like later on that evening. This may sound stupid to you listeners out there, but I said, even if I could just slip it in for two seconds, just to say I had sex with her, just to say that we had reclaimed sex. And that's when I told her my morbid reasoning for this.

I already felt uneasy going grocery shopping. You see, what if something happened to me while I was away? What if I was killed in a car accident what if what if something happened to me while I was away what if I was killed in a car accident what if what if we didn't have sex that evening and and then one of us was killed on the way to work or on the way home from work or hell even at work on Monday that means if I died the last person she had sex with was another man and not her husband. If she died, that means the last person I had sex with was another woman, not my wife.

If that sounds stupid, I don't care. I'm not going to apologize for my feelings on this one. Intimacy is a very important part of our marriage. And if the worst actually happened, the knowledge that my wife was not the last person I was intimate with before she passed, that would haunt me. It would. And I explained all this to Eva, and she actually agreed wholeheartedly. It was something she didn't even consider, but she felt the exact same way. So without further delay, we decided to have a quickie.

And this may be be tmi but it turned out to be more than a quickie eva was feeling better and decided she wanted to go a little longer than the the quick little uh slip in and slip out two second job i proposed so that was a lot of fun But without specifically saying it, we kind of made a pact that we definitely want to avoid waiting on the reclaimed sex whenever possible. The next morning would be fine, but we don't want to push our luck. how about you, listeners? Does reclaimed sex hold the level of importance and significance that it does for us? I'd love to hear about it.

Alright, last quick topic for this episode. And I may have discussed this briefly in another episode. let's say you were turned down by a couple you were interested in.

Or better yet, what if you actually met up with and played with a couple, then were told by that couple, politely for the record, that they were not interested in seeing you again what would be the reason they keep returning to your profile on a lifestyle site this is happening to us right now and i'm just very intrigued not angry or weirded out in any way just intrigued another couple did just that to us all right we we met with them had a great time played with them on the next date had a great time then a few days before our next play date they messaged us and said they decided they no longer wish to see us again.

Politely, all right? I want to make that clear. But on both lifestyle sites I visit the most, which are SDC and SLS, it shows you who has visited your profile. On SDC, it even gives you an exact time. Well, since we were told they no longer wish to see us anymore, they have visited our profile, I would say at least five times. What could possibly be the reason for that?

It is a huge mystery to Eva and even myself which has spawned a theory we think that maybe one of them was still very much interested in seeing us again but the other was not and since they share the account our theory is that whichever one was still very much interested in seeing us again, that one keeps clicking on our profile and checking our pictures. Hmm. So, um, hmm.

perhaps seeing if there are you know any new pictures perhaps as a reminder of the great evening we had and thinking oh what could have been you know something like that or or perhaps and this is admittedly a long shot one of them is trying to send a hint by continuing to visit our profile maybe one of them is saying hey you know just to let you know i was interested my spouse was not but i'm gonna you know i'm to visit your profile once in a while as a covert compliment that I had a great time and wish we could still hang out again.

Now, admittedly, Eva is the one who subscribes more to this theory than I do, that one of them is still interested and wishing know wishing his or her spouse was as well as for me i just don't know i can't embrace any of those theories because i just have no idea it is just very confusing to me if i turned down a couple i certainly wouldn't keep snooping on their profile because I would know they If I turned down a couple, I certainly wouldn't keep snooping on their profile because I would know they would know when I did so. And this couple is a highly intelligent couple.

So I'm just confused and find it very mysterious. Surely by visiting our our profile they know we would be notified we would know that they visited our profile but why would they keep doing it you know no messages no hi guys just want to say hello hope you guys doing well none of that just visits to to our profile that show up on our tab that says views on it. And granted, we haven't had any visits in a while now. You know, maybe a month. But if they visit our profile again, it's just going to reignite the mystery.

I have to admit, just to see what happened one time when i saw they visited our profile i clicked on theirs kind of like a you know like a little nod and a wink like i know you know i know but what do you think listeners any other theories that ev and I should consider? Like why a couple would do that? All right, well, that's going to wrap up today's episode. If you'd like to reach out and tell us what you're thinking, Eva and I would love to hear it. Or, if you have any other questions, suggestions, or comments, you can search for Evan Swings on Blue Sky and send me a DM.

Or you can find me on Instagram or Kik at Evan Deenson. E-V-A-N-D-E-A-N-S-O-N. Although Kik has become practically unusable recently.

So many ads, pop-ups, glitcheses but i do still check it on occasion you can also reach me via email at evan deanson at gmail.com i would love to hear from you i always appreciate when fans reach out i'm going to wrap things up here now thank you for tuning in i will try as always to put out another episode in two weeks i hope you'll consider coming back and taking a listen until then be safe be naughty and remember to always live life to the fullest because that's what the lifestyle is all about having fun and living it to the fullest take care everyone