Show notes
Will they ever stop? Part three of my (I guess) ongoing series of stories of our online interactions with couples. I can't make these up. These are all real stories. Eva and I love being in the lifestyle. But sometimes you run into people that make it less than fun.
Transcript
the following podcast contains adult content including adult language i talk openly about sex and other adult topics if you are under the age of 18 or are uncomfortable listening to sexually explicit narratives please listen no further i am not a professional therapist counselor or doctor i'm just an average guy in the swinger lifestyle who likes to share his experiences. This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. Please seek a professional if you are in need of guidance or care as it relates to sexual health or alternative lifestyles.
Hello again and welcome to Evan Swings, a podcast about the swinger lifestyle from the perspective of a guy in the lifestyle. I am Evan, and yes, I do in fact swing. I'm half of a lifestyle couple, the other half is of course Eva, my awesome sexy wife. We have been in the lifestyle for three and a half wonderful years. if you're new to the podcast, thank you for giving me a shot here. I hope you enjoy my ramblings about the lifestyle and tales of our experiences. If you want to hear about our early adventures and how we got into the lifestyle, please consider listening to my earliest episodes.
And for those of you returning, welcome back. So glad to have you here. It really does mean so much to me. Really appreciate it, guys. I really do. As you can see by the title, this is part three of my seemingly ongoing series of interesting and infuriating interactions. By that, I mean, of course, the adventures in text messaging that I seem to find myself in as we court other couples. Now, Eva and I have profiles on, um, several of the major lifestyle sites, two of which are SLS, Swing Lifestyle, and SDC, and I don't remember what SDC stands for.
That's where most of these interactions occur. I want to remind everyone that although we seem to have a lot of these types of stories, our overall lifestyle experience so far has been, in general, an amazingly good one. I've said it many times before, the last three and a half years have been the most fun we've ever had. Being in the lifestyle has actually made our marriage stronger. Eva and I feel closer to each other and more in love than ever before. As cheesy as that sounds, but it is the truth. The stories I'm going to tell you today, we consider just, unfortunately, par for the course.
They just happen. They're a part of this. While the majority of the people we have met in the lifestyle have been amazing. Not everyone can be amazing. Not all experiences can be amazing. Not all interactions, you know, via text messaging and, uh, you know, online messaging can be amazing. Every bunch can have a few bad apples, right? Isn't that what the old saying goes? To begin, I want to mention that I have no update on the slapper from a couple of episodes ago. No new messages, no new threats. In fact, I haven't seen any posts from that couple on any sites for a couple of weeks now.
At this point, I would usually think that a couple is no longer active. Maybe left the lifestyle either permanently or on a temporary hiatus. Or, you never know, maybe they pissed other people off and got kicked out. Who knows. But happily for me, and sadly for this podcast, I have no new updates on The Slapper. But, I will throw this out there. I was chatting with someone who I met through that particular site where I received those threats. this... We'll throw this out there. I was chatting with someone who I met through that particular site where I received those threats.
And suddenly got ghosted. So I don't know if maybe he saw those posts and thought, you know what? That Evan guy, I don't know if we should continue talking with him. But everything seemed to be going great, and then all of a sudden, nothing. So it makes me wonder. I do have some other stories to tell you today regarding interactions I've had online with other lifestyle couples. And of course, I find them either interesting or infuriating, or both. My first story I call, Applebee's Ain't Casual Enough for Us. Last summer, I ended up talking to a couple from the Columbus area.
Sorry, I had to move my mic there. And just as a reminder, Eva and I live in the Dayton, Ohio area. columbus area sorry i had to move my mic there um and just as a reminder eva and i live in the dayton ohio area columbus is roughly 90 minutes maybe maybe 75 between 75 and 90 minutes away from us depending on traffic i don't know who initiated the contact i don't remember but it seemed at first like there was a good connection. And we continued to chat for a bit. And Eva and I still laugh at this to this day. We still laugh about it.
All the parties in the situation, so us and them, agree that we should meet for a vanilla dinner, and another detail I don't remember, I don't know why this happened, but they insisted on us coming out to the Columbus area, like, towards them, and honestly, we didn't mind too much. As I have said multiple times on this show, most of the lifestyle action for us is located in Columbus, Cincinnati, Cleveland, Indianapolis. Dayton's lifestyle scene is not a very active one. Unless there's something we don't know about.
therefore it is not uncommon for us to meet others from the columbus area and for us to drive out that way to meet them that was the plan here as you may be aware and I don't remember if I've said this before in previous episodes I think I have Eva has some significant food allergies and sensitivities that we unfortunately have to take into consideration every time we select a restaurant. I explained all this to this particular couple and they seemed okay with it. So I took the time and I researched several restaurants in their area of Columbus.
And by researched, I simply mean I just looked at their websites and I, you know, checked out their menus with Eva. We found a place in the general vicinity of where they were located and we were excited to check with the couple they shot it down they said they had a bad experience there and didn't want to go back okay no problem there really wasn't a whole lot of other options in that area so we said fuck it fuck it, let's just go to Applebee's. Surely Eva could find something to eat at Applebee's. I sent them a message and said, hey, you know what, let's just do Applebee's.
Then I suggested a time, and I figured we were about good to go. The woman replied and said, and this is what Eva and I laugh about to this day, we were hoping we could go someplace a little more casual. Eva and I were like, what the heck? Something more casual than Applebee's?
We don't know how you could get more casual than that honestly at this point we were we were a little annoyed they shot down the first restaurant now they were shooting down the second restaurant I was like okay what do you suggest then I mean at this point you're like we're like you know the most important thing is that we're getting together and meeting you know you don't have to absolutely love the restaurant but you know damn it i'm going to make sure that eva is at least able to eat something there they suggested a bar maybe bar grill type place on the opposite side of town I was trying to do them a favor and pick something close to them then they suddenly suggest a place that not only would we have to drive a long way to reach but they had to as well like it was a longer drive for both of us.
Eva and I were frustrated, but before we responded, we checked out that bar online. It was a very small bar that featured live music and honestly a seating chart, like a arrangement that that was not conducive to meeting people on a first date there weren't any booths or anything it was just like like a counter bar with a couple of high top tables with like you know two seats next to them first of all eva checked out their bar food menu there was nothing for her to eat there Here we go.
you know two seats next to him first of all eva checked out their bar food menu there was nothing for her to eat there and that irritated us because we explicitly explained that we had to pick a place where eva could order something we had already given them two and they shot them both down and now they wanted us to drive farther and then sit in a presumably tiny uncomfortable bar with loud music where we couldn't have any conversations to get to know one another last straw final chance here i reached out and explained our concerns not a good menu not good seating loud music where we couldn't talk to each other I even explained that that Eva and I are really not into the live music scene I know a lot of people are and it's not like we dislike live music but for us that's not really a um you know a bonus for where we're going i politely asked if we could choose something else the response we got was not at all surprising they said something had come up and that they wouldn't be able to meet.
Could we reschedule for another time? I honestly forget the excuse they used. I think it was babysitting or something like that, some kind of family thing. I wrote back, sure, just let us know when you are free but i think both they and we knew that there was just something not working out with the situation we just seemed to be on two different wavelengths and we never heard from them again not shocking just didn't work out but it was so frustrating, to just put all that time in, you know, researching restaurant menus. And then to be told, could we go someplace more casual than Applebee's?
Applebee's. I mean, Eva and I, we, we kind of chuckle now every time we drive by an Applebee's because of this. Sometimes add man that look that place looks fancy definitely not casual you know things like that that was story one story two i call it our haunted no condom past i was chatting with this couple for a few days, and things seemed to be going very well. We had some great conversations, and we decided that we wanted to, in fact, meet in person. The woman did all the chatting on their end, and she asked if we got tested routinely for STIs. like did we do STI screenings?
And I also asked, what our most recent results were? I explained that we did in fact get tested or screened regularly, explained our schedule, and informed her of our most recent test results, which were, of course, negative because she asked. The way she worded it was very strange. She just wrote, how often do you guys get tested and what were your most recent results? It was just like that. I was going to let my sense of humor loose and say something dumb. But instead, I just told her the truth straight out. Then she asked about our rules.
I told her our rules and it included that condom use was a must, was a must, unless there was an unusual circumstance where all four of us happened to get screened right before we met and we all shared our results. I knew that was very unlikely. Her response was quite surprising. She said something like, Based on your response, it seems like you have played without condoms before. And that is a deal breaker for us. We wish you the best of luck. I was like, what the hell just happened?
She surmised because I said that, that we played without condoms at some point, like in the past, and that was a deal breaker for them. For clarification, I wrote back and said, yes, we have played in the past without condoms. I saw no need to lie in the situation. I was very truthful. And then I asked, that is a deal breaker for you? And she confirmed it was. I didn't, like, I didn't bother to ask for clarification on that, but I sure wanted to. But it was obvious that this was over. So there was no use pushing, no use pushing for the explanations. I just let it go.
Now this whole interaction here. Okay. All this, all these conversations, the whole interaction was polite and we parted ways amicably, but I just thought that was really weird. Now this would not have worked out anyway. Okay. Because we do play And I'll see you next time. really weird. Now this would not have worked out anyway. Okay. Because we do play with one and only one couple without condoms because we have an agreement in place with them. We are their only condom-free couple and we are theirs. So I would have, I would have had to, of course, uh, tell this woman about this situation.
I wasn't going to hide that. But at this point, she didn't know that she didn't know anything about that. She knew our rule was that we use condoms. It is a must that we use condoms. She knew we got tested regularly. She knew we were prepared to share negative results. Yet, because at some point in the past, and for all she knew, it could have been like three years ago, without condoms, it was a deal breaker for them. And I just found that quite odd. Let's say during our first year in the lifestyle, we played without condoms.
Then we realized that was kind of a mistake and decided to change our ways. We got tested, were negative, and vowed to always use condoms going forward. That wouldn't be good enough for you? What are you afraid of? You have the negative results in front of you that we've given you. You know we'd be using condoms with you. So what's the big deal there?
Why does that matter if we had played years ago without condoms of course there are two sides to every story and for all we know there was some kind of traumatic incident that that triggered this reaction i just thought it was kind of an over reaction. And again, it would not have worked out, okay, because of our agreement that we have with our friends. But I just found it quite interesting. Not necessarily infuriating, just interesting.
We have met very few couples in our 3.5 years in the lifestyle that have never, at some point, even once, for whatever reason, gone condom free for a play date. and maybe this is an exception rather than the rule but i can only think of one couple that we have ever met in the lifestyle that have always used condoms, never even experimented once. One couple, one couple that we've ever met.
It makes me wonder how easy it would be to find a couple who have absolutely never gone without condoms at least once and and i'm not making any assumptions here i'm just saying based on what we have experienced that is a rarity i will call my next story no deal if your picks't Real. This is just a short one, but a frustrating one because it was, as they all are, a waste of my time. All of these interactions. And kind of a stupid situation in my opinion. So a couple contacted us on SDC, and they looked pretty damn attractive.
It started out with some usual pleasantries, hi, how are you, that sort of thing. Then, in one message, it went completely off the rails. They said, we were wondering if you'd like to meet some time for dinner. But just so you know, the pics in our profile are not of us. We have to be very discreet, so we don't include actual photos of ourselves on this site. What the hell? I was taken aback by this, but I asked if they would share some actual pictures of themselves with me privately, you know, through a messaging app so it wouldn't be posted on the site. They refused.
So they were looking for a couple to show up completely blind to a meet and greet. Not knowing what they looked like at all. I immediately but politely refused. That is a huge risk. And a huge chance to take some... Sorry, my chair is making sound. That's my elbow rubbing against the chair, I promise. It's a huge chance to do something like that. And I'm sure it's done, but it will not be done by Eva and myself. I can't imagine. And again, I know it's done, but I just, I can't imagine anyone doing that in the lifestyle. But again, that's just me. That's just me. I'm sure it's done.
But I also can't imagine people going through with that. To me, you're just asking for trouble. I mean, you show up at a bar or restaurant not knowing what to expect. You walk in and see that this couple is definitely not what you find attractive. Now what do you do? I suppose you could sit and have a nice meal, maybe make a couple of new friends who don't play, but that is just not me, not us, Eva and myself. Here's my opinion. And it is exactly that, okay? An opinion. I guarantee there are others who feel differently. I am not correct and neither are they. Okay, they are just opinions.
My opinion is that if you're going to be in the lifestyle, you have to put yourself out there in some way, shape or form. There is an inherent risk to joining the lifestyle with regard to discretion. I get that. I still think I could lose my job as a teacher if it were made public that I was a swinger. But if you're going to be in the lifestyle and hope to meet real people, you have to take some risk. Eva and I take some risk, or I should say some risks, in order to get our profile where it will be seen. We don't list our exact location. We just put date and area.
Our profile pic does not include our faces. People have to click on our profile and click through the photos to see our faces. But they are there. And we don't include any photos anywhere on any site that is both explicit in nature and shows our faces. So if you want to see pics of Eva's boobs, they're there. There are plenty of those. But her face is not shown in any of those. That is just a very thin layer of protection we have. If someone wants to save our pics and broadcast them to the world, they can do that. But they would never be able to prove those are actually Eva's boobs.
Because her face doesn't appear in those photos. We'll see you next time. but they would never be able to prove those are actually Eva's boobs because her face doesn't appear in those photos. So to completely deceive people, like this couple has done, I think that's kind of crappy. Now, I have seen plenty of profile pics that have just photos of body parts, you know, like just boobs or a butt or chests, that's fine. That establishes some mystery. And if people want to find out more, they can certainly ask.
But to blatantly use face pics of other attractive people who are not you to get people to click on your profile that way. I just don't think that's right at all. My next story, not all that interesting, I guess, but I want to share it briefly because I guess it kind of shows the frustration that comes with the lifestyle, like most of these previous stories. We met this wonderful couple at the end of December, and as I prepare this episode, we hope to see them again, but have not yet. But at that point, December of 2024, I was flying high. I complained last Thank you.
again but have not yet but at that point december of 2024 i was flying high i complained last summer of being in a rut or a slump you know not many connections were being made well december rolls around and all of a sudden we had the one couple i just mentioned plus not one two, but three Dayton area couples who I had been chatting with and looked very promising to have, you know, just like a dinner meet and greet. Remember that that's a requirement for us. Okay. We, we meet first for a vanilla dinner, then decide if there's going to be a second spicier date after that.
I told Eva that it looked like we were going to be having a bunch of dinner dates in the near future. Long story short we didn't have any. All three fell through in different ways. one couple i had actually been chatting with since last summer, like summer of 2024. The dude and I, we hit it off because we were discussing how our bodies were falling apart. Okay. We were both having surgery.
We kept chatting and agreed that once we were healed up we would all get together but by january of 2025 i finally realized and it took me a while to realize this but i finally realized that this guy was giving me the runaround we were both healed up by september ready to meet. I told him, give us some dates. The dates never came. But he would always say things like, Oh, my wife and I have just been so busy, but we really want to meet you guys. We'll get you some dates here soon. Then I wouldn't hear from him for a week or two.
Then he'd pop back on giving excuses like he had to delete his entire account because he got hacked. So now he was back and they would have some free time coming up and they'd let us know about a dinner date soon. I was polite the entire time and kept chatting. But it seemed very clear at that point that something something was going on here there is no way that if i was super excited about meeting someone that that i would not be able to find a single free evening for dinner in five months september through January. That's five months.
And we live like, uh, like 30 minutes apart from each other. There's just no way. I mean, if they were really interested, they could find, they could find one single night for us that we could meet.
that was very frustrating and i wish i came to my senses sooner so that was one couple another couple same thing started chatting on one of the sites things seemed to be going well move the conversations to kick things seemed to be going well on kick as well i mean we hit we were having a nice conversation and i asked if they would like to get together for dinner sometime they responded in capital letters absolutely he and i both agreed that things were busy with the holidays but shortly after the new year we would have plenty of free time and we could set something up Thank you.
that things were busy with the holidays but shortly after the new year we would have plenty of free time and we could set something up. About a week, a week after New Year's, I sent him a message on Kik. I wished them Happy New Year, I hoped he was doing well, and I said that we would love to still meet them if they were still interested, just let us know when they were free. They read the message. Kik shows you a tiny little letter R when the message is read, but never responded. And that just pisses me off because we talked for days and days and everything seemed great. Then they ghosted us.
It just pisses me off. I mean, if you're going to do that, if you're going to talk to us for days and days, weeks even, and you change your mind, then damn it, man up and tell me that. Be an adult and say, hey, I'm sorry, but we changed our minds or I'm sorry, you know, things have changed. We're not going to be able to meet you. Do that. All right. Be an adult about it and just man up. Then the third couple. And I wish you can see me right now because I use, I'm using air quotes around the third couple. And I wish you can see me right now because I'm using air quotes around the word couple.
The third couple. You see, we chatted a bunch, okay? And then things seemed to be going very well. Okay, just like the previous two couples. We swapped picks. Everything seemed great. He said they were visiting family out of state, uh, for the holidays, but we should get together when we returned. Sounded awesome. I kept in touch. It was, it was the dude that I was texting.
So I kept in touch with him and he, um, and I'm'm i keep saying he just that that's kind of a a little foreshadowing there you know i wished him a merry christmas i wished we wished each other a happy new year we like i said we kept in touch this went on for weeks he said he couldn't wait until they were back home so we could all get together. That finally happened, him being back home, a week or two after New Year's. So this went on for over a month. I proposed some dates when Eva and I were available. And then, that's when I believe his true intentions shined through.
He said that it looked like his wife was just going to be too busy to meet for a while. But would we be interested in having him as a third? I wasted a crap ton of time on this guy. only to discover that his wife probably had no idea we even existed. He was looking to be a third in a threesome. Disingenuous, disingenuous asshole, if I had to guess.
I wanted to call him him out but instead i took the high road and said something like nope that is not something we are interested in but please message us when your wife has some free time and we can get together you'll never guess you'll never guess this but we never heard from him again shocker right i got one more for you today Here we go. guess this, but we never heard from him again. Shocker, right? I got one more for you today. So the, I call it the, the couple that called us out.
In another episode of this podcast, I talked about some of the things I still haven't learned in the lifestyle. One of those things is the proper way to turn couples down. Some say just ignore the messages. Now, I usually send a polite response. When I do that, I expect the couple to be gracious and understand, whatever the reason, we didn't think we were a match for them. I expect it to be over and done with at that point. I expect them to say something like, no worries, best wishes, please say hello to us if you see us at the club sometime. Something like that.
Well, this one couple decided my polite response was not good enough for them. They responded with kind of a snarky comment. So I want to read you the interaction here. I have my phone out and I'm going to read you the exact, uh, text um so i said to them and i don't have this exact message i didn't save this one but i said something like i'm sorry but we're not a match um you know then i probably said something like but if you see us at the club sometime feel free to say hello something like that but i definitely use the words know, we don't feel like we're a good match.
So here's their response. Interesting. I'm not sure how folks decide non-matches without ever meeting and starting a friendship. But okay, good luck and all the best. I found that kind of snarky. Okay, you didn't have to say any of that. I'm not sure how folks decide non-matches without ever meeting and starting a friendship, but okay. So I felt I needed to respond because I, you know, I, I've said so in the past. I kind of feel like I need to start calling people out on their bullshit.
Now that backf recently with the slapper but here's my response several reasons that we were just trying to be polite and not mention we read profiles very carefully and are very selective first of all my wife does not like laser removed hair on a guy because that was mentioned in their profile. He had laser-removal treatment on his entire body, and Eva's not into that. She doesn't find that very attractive. Then I put, I do not find a 36DD chest as provocative as most other men.
And i i do like 36 triple d chests but i also like very small boobs as well the reason i wrote that is because the way they put it in their profile the way they worded it was like that was supposed to make men just jump at the opportunity nothing else mattered because if she had a 36 triple d chest oh then definitely interested and it's not the case i also wrote uh you stated that men must be shaved or neatly manscaped i do not fit that description because i am not shaved i do manscape i do trim but you know I have chest hair I have a pair other places in my body that I don't shave I also put you stated you don't enjoy the local club scene we do and are interested in finding other couples interested in going to places like Princeton, Sinday, and Tempted.
You stated, full play is not guaranteed. Well, we are a full swap couple, only interested in full swap experiences. If we schedule a play date, we expect a full swap to happen our lifestyle time is limited and i'm trying to find the continuation of that i can't find the continuation of that. Our lifestyle time is limited. And I'm missing a line here, but then it says something. We know what we want to happen. So, like on that lifestyle date. So that is why we decided before having seen your face pics that we didn't feel we were a match.
We could have easily just let your comment slide, but we felt like you kind of called us out. So we wanted to explain. Best of luck to you as well. So thankfully, I think my point got through because they backed off. They said, no worries. We just approach it with friendship. But if you are looking for guaranteed full swap then we understand and I wrote back yep everyone has their own things unfortunately ours just don't match up no hard feelings and they wrote back for sure all the best but so yeah all right they they called us out I guess I felt like I needed to explain.
Ladies and gentlemen, here's my take, my opinion on this. If someone responds that they are not interested, don't make a snarky little comment. They might just be being polite. They might not want to tell you the real reason they don't think they are a match with you. They might not find you attractive, plain and simple. They might just find something in your profile they don't agree with. Whatever it is, if you get turned down, just accept it. Be polite and move on. You should not require a reason or make a comment like this couple did for us.
Just accept that it is not a match for whatever reason and move on. No explanation is needed. This couple should have just said, Okay, best of luck. That's it. They did not have to include that snarky comment about not being sure how we could know we are not a match without ever meeting. It's none of their business, and there's no need to explain. Just move on. And move on from this episode is what I will do now. How do you like that segue? That was my last little story for today. I look back and I just have to shake my head at all of these interactions that we have had.
And it makes me wonder, do other couples have as many of these as we do? Or do we just have bad luck with this? I just, I would really like to know. All those I just talked about, all those stories that I just talked about were from the last six to nine months.
There are probably some I can't even remember from our, from our first year in the lifestyle and I am absolutely sure there will be more when there are I will note them and bring them to you listeners again in a future episode as always thank you so much for listening if you have any questions comments or suggestions you can find my Evan Swings account on Blue Sky you can also email, evandeanson at gmail.com, or find me on Instagram at evandeanson. And that's E-V-A-N-D-E-A-N-S-O-N, Evan Deanson.
Always eager to interact with listeners, so feel free to shoot me a message until next my friend next till next time my friends be safe be naughty take care
