Episode 19: In a Rut

Transcript

Warning, the following podcast contains adult content, adult language, and adult situations. I talk openly about sex and explicit topics. If you are under the age of 18 or are uncomfortable listening to sexually explicit narratives, please listen no further. I am not a professional therapist, counselor, or doctor. I'm just an average guy in the swinger lifestyle who likes to share his experiences. This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. Please don't forget to subscribe to our channel. or doctor.

I'm just an average guy in the swinger lifestyle who likes to share his experiences. This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. Please seek a professional if you are in need of advice, guidance, or care as it relates to sexual health or alternative lifestyles. hello again my swinger friends welcome to evan swings a podcast about the swinger lifestyle from the perspective of a guy in the lifestyle. That's me. I'm your host, Evan, and I am half of a lifestyle couple with my amazing wife, Eva. Thank you so much for joining me today.

As always, if you are a new listener, I strongly suggest starting with my first episodes as they detail our journey into the lifestyle chronologically. Not necessary though. No context is needed if you decided to stay and listen to this episode. I'm glad you're here. Returning listeners, welcome back. Glad you are here as well. I'm going to go and I'm'm gonna get right into it today and i'm gonna be blunt here eva and i are in a little bit of a rut i'm a teacher i'm off for the summer and i kind of want to let loose and uh you know do lifestyle things as much as possible this summer.

The problem is the opportunities are just not there right now. I was at Walmart today doing some grocery shopping and I was, I was ready to check out. I approached the registers and I thought, you know what i'm usually in a huge rush and end up just going to the self checkout. But today I'm not. So I'll go to a register with, you know, with a with a cashier, you know, an actual person to communicate and interact with. So I sought out a, uh, a short line with a cashier and, um, you know, it was fairly busy, but I got in one line that seemed to be fairly short.

You know, there was, there was one person checking out, uh, almost done. And there was another person behind them with not much in their cart. And then there was me. Well, it turns out the person at the register, there, there was some issues, you know, something wasn't working, right? The payment wasn't going through or something wasn't ringing up properly. I'm not sure, but something was up and I admit I got a little impatient. So I got out of line and went through a self-checkout register after all. When I was done, I walked past all the registers with the cashiers, and there was no one.

OK, so these are the registers that just a few moments ago before before i did my self-checkout this is where there was there was a bunch of people like there were lines of people it was fairly busy but at this point there was no one there were there were two cashiers who were just standing there, not, not checking out any customers. They were just standing there. And this situation made me think it's all about timing and look, had I taken five minutes longer at a shop, you know, five to 10 minutes longer to shop or five to 10 minutes.

You know, if I arrived at the store five to 10 minutes later, when I approached the registers, there would have been no lines and no waiting. It was just bad timing and just bad luck that I ended up ready to check out when several other people were also ready. And that got me thinking. This is an analogy for the lifestyle. And what Eva and I are experiencing at the moment, we are in a bit of a rut, a bit of a lifestyle hole. You know, again, I'm a teacher off for the summer. And I just, I want nothing more, as always, than to have a super fun summer.

And being active in the lifestyle would definitely help with that. But unfortunately, Eva and I, we just don't have many options right now. Now, as you may or may not know, Eva and I focus on quality, not quantity when it comes to the lifestyle. So during our three years in the lifestyle, we've never had more than like two or three regular playmate couples at once. You know, right now at this very moment, as I speak to you, we only have one, possibly two couples that we regularly play with. So we are wide open to new prospects, but we just haven't had much contact at this time.

There have been times in our three years in the lifestyle where we have actually had too many couples, like too many options. And please don't think I'm bragging, all right? I'm not trying to toot our own horn here, okay? I'm just stating a fact. There have been times when we have had couples reach out to us. And, you know, we had lots of options. but since we had our our know, our regular two to three couples that we, that we enjoy hanging out with, we felt like we should politely pass on them. There's only so much lifestyle that can be on our plates at once. Okay.

And that, and that's, that's where our sanity, you know, because, you know, all that, that messaging and planning, it takes time. Okay.

It like all the, I call it the courtship where you're, where you're, you know, first communicating with a, with a new couple and you're learning about them, exchanging picks and things that that takes a lot of time so that's that's for our sanity and for the respect uh for the other couples okay we don't want to waste people's times we want to be respectful if we don't have time to spend time with you, makes sense then we need to politely decline okay and and that that kind of sucks sometimes because i'm sure we have passed on some fantastic couples and i'm not the type to be really organized about it like like i don keep notes.

Okay, we passed on this couple now, but if things die down, we've got to make sure we contact this couple in the future. I'm just not that organized. So we've had to pass on some good ones, and that's just the way it is. So there have definitely been some ups and downs with this whole process. Downtime, what I mean by downtime is when we don't seem to be chatting with anyone new and there doesn't seem to be many prospects. So we've had that. but so far in our three years, when there have been downtimes, we still had our, you know, our, our two or three regulars whom we would spend time with.

Well, for several different reasons, we have lost some of our regulars. Okay. And it's, and it's nothing bad. Okay. It's all been amicable. One couple, uh, had to leave due to, uh, had to leave the lifestyle due to medical reasons. And another, we just simply grew apart from, you know, they, they live over an hour and 20 minutes away and it seems they've decided to focus on, on, uh, couples that are closer to them, which I totally get Eva and I, we, we want to focus on, on couples that are more local as well.

The problem is, as I've've said many times there aren't many options for us in a small town outside of dayton ohio okay we just recently so we just recently lost two of our regular couples and you know we, we're hoping to find some new ones. We did meet a great local couple whom I discussed in my last episode, I believe, if I remember correctly, the woman who helped me fulfill my two big lifestyle fantasies. So they're great and we hope they they end up becoming, you know, quote unquote, regulars for us. Um, but, uh, our, our calendars lately have not meshed with them.

They haven't, you know, just lined up. So because of all this, we are admittedly actively searching and I've reached out to several new couples lately, but none of them have, have really panned out yet. And I don't want you to get the wrong idea, all right? I'm absolutely not upset about this. Like I said earlier, a lot of it has to do with luck and timing, okay? Just like with the checkout at Walmart. It's almost cyclical and Eva and I have to just unfortunately wait until things come back around. And, and we assume that other people like other couples feel similarly. Okay.

You know, at, at this moment, there are couples right now I'm predicting who are on the uptick part of that cycle. And we'll just have to wait until there are more couples available who are, uh, actively looking to meet new people now. All right. Uh, don't get me wrong. Okay. As I, as I said, we have made, we have made contact with some couples. Okay. You know, we we've reached out or they've reached out to us. It's, it's just that we have not hit it off with anyone just yet. okay.

There's, there's haven't, haven't been couples that have like really, you know, grabbed our attention and Eva and I are like, Oh, we really want to get to know them or, or vice versa. And that brings me to my next topic. Being in the lifestyle, it can be a lot of work okay i so i'm not really i'm not really frustrated with the rut that we are in right now but i am kind of frustrated with the the necessary work that it will take to find new matches for eva and and myself i Thank you. with the necessary work that it will take to find new matches for Eva and myself.

I mean, there's going to be time and effort to put into it. And let me further explain what I mean here, okay? Um, Eva and I are incredibly selective when it comes to finding play partners, we'll call them, okay? Our prospective couples, they have to, well, let me go through my list here, okay? I have a mental list here, okay right. So first of all, well, number one, of course, Eva and I, we both have to be attracted to the couple. Okay. So we prefer HWP people. And I, I suppose for those of you out there who, who don't know what HWP means, I should explain.

And I'm just going to be blunt and honest here, okay? If you prefer HWP people, which stands for height, weight, proportional, that is a polite way of saying that you are not physically attracted to heavier people. And again, I'm just being honest and telling it like it is. That's what it means. And that's not a knock against heavier people. There are plenty of people who don't feel like height, weight, proportionality is significant to physical attraction. It's a personal preference. I'm short. I'm 5'7". Eva and I have been turned down multiple times due to my height. It's a preference.

So HWP, that's important for physical attraction for eva and myself you don't have to be ken and barbie but general physical fitness is an important component for us when we when we look for new potential couples and there are other specifics too with with regard to appearance Let's do this. When we, when we look for new potential couples and there are other specifics too, with, uh, with regard to appearance, Eva absolutely hates long or bushy beards. I wish I could show you a picture of myself, but I have a beard, but it's, it's just above like stubble length.

I keep it real short because anything longer than mine and I'll see you next time. but i have a beard but it's it's just above like stubble length i keep it real short because anything longer than mine eva does not like and unfortunately there are a lot a lot of guys in the lifestyle who have longer beards and she also hates uh face and neck tattoos and ear gauges. And there's also a particular hair color she doesn't really find attractive. So yeah, we are admittedly pretty darn selective when it comes to appearance. And of course, the couple has to find us attractive too.

I don't hide the fact that i'm five foot seven and bald okay i don't hide that it's right there in my profile and i'm not in bad shape but i'm certainly not shredded okay i am i do not have a six-pack okay my muscles do not bulge all right i'm just like a normal, uh, guy with probably an evolving dad bod. There are a lot of couples out there, um, who put physical requirements for not only height, but also dick size on their profile. And you know what?

No one has ever said you must have a slightly above average size dick or you must be shorter than five eight no the ones that have those male physical requirements it's always the opposite of course okay you they they want the bigger dicks the taller guys oh and some some have even required i've seen profiles that have required body shaving okay they wanted no body hair you know i trim i do a lot but i don't shave every inch of my body. All right, so that was one thing. Let's see, what other things are on our list that are requirements for us and other couples? Driving distance.

Okay, we don't want to meet people who live three hours away. Okay, we don't have the time for that. And I admittedly do not enjoy traveling uh let's see what else uh the woman the woman and any couple we're looking for has to be by by curious or by comfortable eva enjoys playing with women so she is mandated that all couples i reach out to, the lady has to be at least bi curious. And of course, for me, the dude has to be straight because I am a hundred percent straight.

So, I mean, I guess, you know, the dude can be bi in some way, but, but I would not be interested in, uh, intentionally touching or being touched by another man. It's just, that's just the way I am. Uh, let's see what else we, uh, the couple has to be non-smokers, uh, drug free, disease free. Those are obvious. I know. And I probably didn't even need to say them. Uh, but, Oh, here, here's another one.

So Eva does not get involved in chatting over text you know until you know like using kick or telegram until we have all met in person and she knows that she is truly interested in the couple so that's another requirement okay the couple has to be okay with me doing all the communication until we meet. And admittedly there have been couples who were not okay with that. So there's a lot of requirements here that, that these couples have to meet. Uh, another one is I'm going to call it uncomfortable stuff. There can be no uncomfortable stuff.

And what I mean by that is, um, the couple can't be wanting, uh, like hardcore bondage or pain or dominance, that sort of thing.

Um, and then there's some other uncomfortable things I can think of like uh things that are red flags to us like i live in cincinnati my boyfriend lives in chicago but we still want to get together you know something like that stuff like that doesn't seem stable or legit so we kind of stay away from that but then there is also another huge one okay this one is huge the any couples that that are interested or that we might be interested in they have to enjoy one or both of the following dancing or playing games eva has learned over her time in the lifestyle that those two things really, really get her motor going.

So if you're not interested in dancing, or you're not willing to play some board or card games with us, then you not a match for us okay and and by games i'm i'm referring to like you know um playing a game of spoons or uh strip poker or just something like that so you know eva has said numerous times that i can't just walk into a room with a couple and start fucking them. You know, there needs to be some buildup for her. And I think we've actually discussed that in a previous episode. So with those two specific requirements, it has made finding new potential couples very difficult.

And regarding dancing, we don't live near a lifestyle club. We have to travel. And that makes things more expensive and more time consuming. As I've mentioned in other episodes, we're most interested in finding local couples right now and you know since and since we can't say hey let's meet at the lifestyle club down the street and dance that that kind of leaves the board and card game option as as the main the main thing and and let me tell you there are most likely a lot of couples out there who are turned off by something as nerdy as that.

Like if we like if we talk about how we love board games and card games, I don't know.

I just don't feel like many people find that very appealing okay now let me also say that they're missing out okay because we have turned many normal games into naughty ones the card game spoons we've changed to strip spoons and there is a another board game that i like called ticket to ride that we've changed to strip it to ride and then our most recent addition uh is sleazy parch easy parch easy is a classic game uh it's similar to sorry if you've never played it before and we've always enjoyed it we learned we learned how to play in college believe it or, and we came up with rules to make it X-rated.

It's a lot of fun. All this, again, because we are not the meet-and-fuck type of couple.

We insist on a vanilla first date to see if there's chemistry and even if there is immediate chemistry we still schedule a second date for the spicy fun i i will admit something here listeners okay this is mostly because of my wife's preferences all right i mean i'll just say it i i don't need the dancing i don't need the games i enjoy them but i don't need them and admittedly if eva was a meet and fuck type of person then i would have absolutely no problem doing that we have made these requirements for new couples mostly out of respect for her and her wishes.

You know, if we met a couple for dinner and everyone was attracted to each other and everyone was feeling it, I would have no problem saying, okay, well, why don't we uh let you know let's move this this uh to a hotel next or i would even let's let's go hop in the back of the suv i'd even do that but unfortunately eva is not like that at all and i need to respect her wishes unfortunately respecting her wishes and requirements that has made it more and more difficult to find couples now I am re realizing re realizing I hope that's a word I'm re realizing this as we are attempting to meet new couples again all right That's it.

I wouldn't even get on SLS or SDC. But now that I'm actively trying to find new potential dates for us, I realize just how frustrating it can be and how time consuming it can be. Case in point. Two weeks ago, a couple contacted us on SDC. Both of them were super hot. Okay. Eva and I were both very attracted to them. And that doesn't happen all that often. And they were local too. They lived in the Dayton area. So we chatted for a few days, then decided to go out to dinner. Okay. Again, because they're, they were fairly local.

You know, we could, we can just do like a weeknight you know we you know it was easy for us to get together well we met them for dinner and it was quite obvious that they did not meet our our social requirements i don't know what else to call them you know the types to play games. Uh, they were not the types to go dancing and they just, they just didn't fit with what we were looking for. Well, again, you know, Eva's requirements. All right. The three of us, I mean, we were ready to go. Okay. But Eva, despite being very attracted physically to them, had no interest in a second date.

It's this whole process that's just starting to wear on me. You put your profile out there. You wait for people to like your profile or you like their profile. You wait a little bit more um and this you you wait and see if if you're a match on one of these these sites and if so then you begin chatting then you exchange more pics to make sure there is physical attraction then you chat some more then you have to figure out a date to meet for a vanilla meet and greet. So you get everyone's, you know, you take into consideration that everyone's work and family schedules.

And if that works out, then you have to find a restaurant. Eva has many food sensitivities, so there are only certain places she can eat. we are usually the ones uh responsible for for finding that place to meet and because we live in small town ohio we have to coordinate where to meet you know what what's about the halfway point between us so we have to figure all that out then we have the meet and greet and as as I just hopefully proved a minute ago, there's no guarantee that will even work out. If it doesn't, then you're back to the drawing board.

If it does, then you have to go through the whole scheduling process again to find a VFF and figure out a babysitting because most couples that we meet, they have kids, you know, thankfully ours, ours are older and we don't have to worry about that much, but it's a factor. Okay. Oh, by the way, I did a second ago. I said VFF.

If you haven't listened to previous episodes, VFF is venue for fucking, you know, a place to actually do it okay all right so anyway um so all this it's taken a toll on me lately and i i just don't have as much enthusiasm for it i absolutely love being in the lifestyle and i i don't want to leave it but I just wish it was easier. I wish it was less time-consuming. Unfortunately, with our requirements or our criteria for new couples, it makes it very difficult. If it was as simple as, hey, we think you're hot, you think we're hot, let's fuck. Then it wouldn't be an issue at all.

But since that's not the way we operate, there's a vetting process that we have to go through. And since Eva refrains from using sites like SLS and SDC, that burden falls upon me. And I hope you don hope, I hope you don't think that Eva is being unreasonable. All right. This was our agreement when we first got into the lifestyle. If she was going to do this, I would handle all the initial messaging and all the vetting. I agreed. She agreed. We agreed. Okay. So I completely accept that this is my job to handle. If we are going to remain in the lifestyle.

I just can't, I just can't deny the fact that I'm growing a little tired of the process and it's, it's a necessary process. I'm well aware. I just wish it was easier and I wish it didn't take so much time. And again, I go back to the fact that we live in small town ohio i have no data to back this up but i assume that couples who live in larger cities have less frustration when it comes to all this you know there's a larger pool of candidates to choose from due to the higher population and you you have lifestyle clubs in your city. There are more location options for meet and greets.

And because you are all in that larger metro area, there is far less travel to worry about. I got so frustrated with all this that I admit yesterday I found myself wondering, do I, do I really want to stay in the lifestyle at this very moment? Like I said, we only have one couple that we regularly play with. And there's that other local couple that I mentioned my last episode that hopefully becomes a regular couple for us. We've only met once so far, all four of us. So, um, we're, we're hoping that we'll continue. So let's just say we have two couples right now that we regularly play with.

I was thinking, you know, you know what, uh, maybe, maybe I just stopped trying to meet other couples and just enjoy what we have with these two couples and that was yesterday still considering it today just because you know just so much frustration and the whole courtship and vetting processes now i know myself all right i love the lifestyle and i don't think i'm truly ready to call it quits, okay? I'm really not. I'm more or less saying all this out of frustration.

So I guess my point, if I really want to stick to my guns here and claim that this podcast is designed to not only entertain, but to help inform about the lifestyle lifestyle i guess my point is that the lifestyle can be frustrating at times you may have ruts or funks like the one eva and i appear to be in right now but it is cyclical and can and things can turn around in a flash that's all i got got for today's episode, folks. Thanks for tuning in.

I'm getting closer and closer to having a call-in episode where listeners can call in and ask questions and make comments and tell their own stories and just, you know, chat about the lifestyle with me it would be very easy to uh very easy for me to to set that up all right like i'm a novice with all this technology stuff but i figured out how to do that and it's very easy to do but i don't want to set it up and have no one call in So, I want to ask you this. If that is something that interests you, please shoot me a message on Kik or Instagram.

I can let you know about some potential dates for doing that, for recording that episode. It will most likely be a few weeks from when you're hearing this episode, but let me know. Let me know if you're interested, and I may put that on the schedule. And even if you're not willing to join me for an episode, you're always still welcome to hit me up with questions or comments or suggestions. Again, just find me on Kik or Instagram at my username, Evan Deenson. That's E-V-A-N-D-E-A-N-E-A-V-A-N-D-E-A-N-S-O-N, Evan Deanson. Or you know what?

I've never thrown this out there before, but I also have an email address you can reach me at, evandeanson at gmail.com. That's that's an account i i set up specifically for lifestyle stuff like this so i don't check it as often as i would my regular email address or my kick or instagram but if you are patient you can reach me there as well so i hope to hear hear from some of you guys. Take care, everyone. Be safe. Be naughty. And we'll see you next time on Evan's Wings.