Episode 14: Should Have Pulled the Plug

Transcript

Warning, the following podcast contains adult content, adult language, and adult situations. I talk openly about sex and explicit topics. If you are under the age of 18 or are uncomfortable listening to sexually explicit narratives, please listen no further. I am not a professional therapist, counselor, or doctor. I'm just an average guy in the swinger lifestyle who likes to share his experiences. This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. Please don't forget to subscribe to our channel. or doctor.

I'm just an average guy in the swinger lifestyle who likes to share his experiences. This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. Please seek a professional if you are in need of advice, guidance, or care as it relates to sexual health or alternative lifestyles. Hi, everyone. Welcome to Evan Swings, a podcast about the swinger lifestyle from a male perspective. Mine, of course. I am Evan, your host, and I am half of a lifestyle couple. The other half is my beautiful, amazing wife, Eva.

We've been in the lifestyle for approximately three years at the time of this recording. We're both in our late 40s, but man, we are having more fun than we had in our 20s and 30s combined. It has been an absolutely incredible journey. We've had so many more ups than we have had downs. You know, just a few minor bumps in the road here and there, and we consider ourselves extremely lucky for that. There are horror stories out there, just absolute horror stories, you know, lifestyle experiences that have gone wrong, like horribly wrong.

We have heard several of these horror stories from couples that we have played with or or play with regularly and and some of it is just downright shocking what we've heard but as of the recording of this podcast and we are in the uh um may 2024 area um i have to say that eva and i have been very lucky to so far not have any major horror stories to share with you listeners episode eight which was about the alexa guy was was probably about as close as you can get to a horror story. But even that wasn't a shocking, horrible tale. It was actually kind of comical about how badly it went.

So it's a story that we can look back on and laugh and and joke about especially with others and when when someone else hears it they may laugh about it or they may shake their head and you know or or smile at least but thankfully we don't have any stories that yet that make make people gasp or cover their mouth with their hand in awe or terror. You know, we've heard those. You know, we've heard those from other people.

And we feel bad that, you know, our friends or really anyone who has had to experience that while the lifestyle is for the most part filled with lovely friendly kind caring and welcoming respectful people there are always a few bad apples so if you're new to the lifestyle and listening to this fear not Let's get started. There are always a few bad apples. So if you're new to the lifestyle and listening to this, fear not. The odds are in your favor. But just know that you may have some bumps in your journey. That is normal and expected.

The key is to learn from those poor experiences, which actually then makes them positive experiences. Not always fun to reminisce about, but good to look back on and realize how it was a stepping stone in some way, how it shaped your lifestyle journey. Looking back, there is probably one instance where Eva wishes she stood up, called it, and ended our evening before any playtime took place, you know, pulled the plug when she had the chance. That would be episode five, if you were interested in going back and listening.

Now for me, there was really only one incident I can think of where, looking back, I should have have called it now don't get me wrong the evening was fine I had a good time Eva had a good time but I think an evening can be both you know a fun experience but something that you, maybe didn't need to happen and wouldn't have been a huge loss in the long run if if it had been canceled or or even just called off suddenly. So I'm going to tell you about the circumstances behind that thought. Let me tell you about Ted and Sammy.

And as always, names have been changed to protect the identities of those involved in the story. The story takes place in year two of our lifestyle journey. And as I'm recording this, we are right around beginning year four. So we've been in the lifestyle about three years right now, Eva and myself. So this happened in about year two. I honestly can't tell you anything more specific than that, you know, in regards to the timeframe, because I honestly just don't remember. I don't remember the month or the season. My memory is just that bad sometimes.

Well, we met Ted and Sammy on SLS, which is, if you don't know already, a lifestyle site. We started chatting a little bit and we began to hit it off. of the main catalysts in a situation like this is eva i do all the messaging on these apps and on all these sites that that we have and i do all the vetting what's called vettingting. I pretty much weed out the non-contenders. Then, Eva ends up making the final call. She always makes the final call. Actually, two calls, now that I think about it, typically.

Usually, at two different points in the, we'll call it the courtship process, whatever you want to call it. So when I first make contact with a couple and we start chatting, face pics are an absolute requirement. I usually don't even respond to profiles without face photos. In fact, I'm not exaggerating here, okay? but when I occasionally do break my little personal rule and respond to profiles who reach out to us without face pics, because I'm a glutton for punishment, I guess, I am not exaggerating.

I cannot remember a single incident where a couple without face pics in their profile ended up being attractive to both Eva and myself. It just hasn't happened yet. No exaggeration, okay? I don't think these people were necessarily concealing their appearance to like suck us in or or trick us into talking to them. I don't think that's what's happened. It's it's just typically because they are shy or attempting to be overly discreet, in my opinion, overly discreet. And it just has never worked out that I can remember. So a quick word of advice. Have face pics on your profile.

Or if you're too shy or you just want to be extra discreet, fine, I get it, but it serves your, it's best to send them in the first message or two so we know who we're talking to. You know, I can't tell you how many times I foolishly began chatting with people only to eventually see their face pics and find out that there is just no physical attraction. And that turns out to be, I hate to say it, a massive waste of time. So it's just better to have those face pics available so people know who they're talking to. Now, again, that's just my opinion.

There may be people out there, maybe you listeners, who feel differently about that. But, you know, physical attraction is a big part of the lifestyle and having those face picks available at the start of the quote unquote courtship process is very important. So, okay. So anyway, I got off track there. So where was I going with this? Oh yeah, oh yeah. Eva makes the calls. So she makes the call when I show her a photo or photos of the couple. She completely trusts my judgment when it comes to vetting and determining if the couple would be fun to hang out with, fun to get to know, and safe.

But there has to be a physical attraction for there to be a play date. So if I'm attracted, I'll show Eva the pics. If she is attracted, then I keep talking. You know, talking to the couple. So that's one of the two checkpoints, we Then, uh, she'll make the final call as to whether we plan a play date. So after we keep talking and, um, you know, I, I think, okay, this is, this is going really well, you know, maybe we should meet this couple in person.

So then I kind of give her the, uh, you know, kind of like one more, one more chance to back out or you know one more chance to to give her final opinion and i can't think of a time where she has told me to back out you know because once i've done the vetting and i've shown her face pics and and we've kept talking it usually means she's okay with me setting up a play date. But I always be extra respectful and check with her one last time. That is what happened with this particular couple, Ted and Sammy.

I was chatting for a bit with them on SLS and based on their picks and the contents of their profile they seemed like a good match for us they they did live kind of far away though a little a little over two hours if I recall maybe two and a half but this was before Eva and I really decided to focus more on finding couples who live closer to us. We figured we would meet about halfway for a meet and greet and see if there was any chemistry in person. And when that happens, you know, if they're two or two and a half hours away, you know, an hour drive isn't isn't that horrible.

Now, Eva loves personality, and this guy had a lot of it. He was very outgoing and had a great sense of humor. So we left the restaurant after having a very nice dinner with them.

And this is the typical routine for eva and myself we we meet for dinner and drinks a vanilla evening and we even have a secret code we would use if at the dinner if one of us feels very uncomfortable and immediately wants out we'll have this this code phrase that we will say so the other couple won't know but Eva and I will know okay so I won't I won't give ours away on this podcast but it's something like did you remember to feed the dogs a phrase like that if you know one of us hears it we the other one knows that we need to make an excuse to get out of there quickly.

Now we've never needed it up until this point. And we hope we never do. Even if, you know, even if we're not interested, we can still get through a meal politely with anyone, really. I mean, that's, you know, we can get through a meal. Then after the meal, you know, we can talk in the car and ask each other what we thought and decide if we want to pursue anything further. We both agreed that we would like to see Ted and Sammy again, you know, for a spicy date, so to speak. At that point, now that Eva had met them and was comfortable talking to them, she was added to our group chat on Kik.

So we all, all four of us, chatted for a while and scheduled a play date about three weeks from that point so remember the story is all about me not pulling the plug when i think i should have maybe so uh two things made me think that okay looking back first of all the dude got really freaking annoying okay um remember i said we scheduled this play date of ours for a few weeks ahead of that time during that time he would message the group chat every single morning with a countdown. No other message with it, just 19 more days, 18 more days, 17 more days. So there was three weeks of that.

He would still chat later in the day with us, but it was his typical morning message to announce how many days it was until until our our play date i i hope this this opinion doesn't sound too mean but doing that just seemed really childish and annoying to me i would it was like dude i i know you're excited okay i'd be excited too i i know how hot my wife is okay i appreciate that but you know act like you've done this before act like you've been here before am i crazy for being annoyed by that you know listeners has this ever happened to you where someone has given you a countdown every single morning for three weeks up until your play date you know to me it was like you know it's on my calendar dude I know when our date is i'm an adult i know i don't need a daily update and if he was trying to show playful enthusiasm for our date i understand that but in my opinion there are just other ways to show it okay text eva and tell her how beautiful she is and how excited you are to see her.

I don't need to hear it and maybe not make it every single morning. Every couple of days, maybe, if you want to post something in the group chat about how much you are looking forward to our date. Great. Do it. That's fine. But for three weeks, every single day, knowing I'd see that damn countdown every single morning got just quite annoying for me. You know, I wasn't angry or anything. It just, it was just annoying. And then the other thing. So we're all in this group chat. Some of the conversation took a spicy turn, nothing too vulgar, just, you know, sexy stuff.

But then he said something that made me very uncomfortable. And this took place about, I'd say a week before our date he told eva in our group chat that he was looking forward to defiling her he used that word defile like i i can't wait to defile you i'm pretty sure that's what he said i can't wait to defile you i had never before heard someone use that in a sexy chat and have never since okay to me it is not a word you use why well well look let's look at the definition for the word defile. It means to desecrate something sacred.

Another definition is, and by the way, I googled all these, so another definition, to make foul, dirty, or unclean, to pollute or taint. So maybe I was just being overprotective of my wife, but my wife is precious, okay? She's the most beautiful thing in the world to me. Don't announce to me that you are going to defile her. So you are going to desecrate something sacred to me. You know, she's sacred to me. I don't want to read that you are going to defile her. That is just not a good choice of words.

I consider that something like deeply dirty and nasty and disturbing disturbing you're not going to defile my wife sure you're going to fuck her yeah you're going to spend time with her but damn it you're gonna fucking treat her like a lady like she deserves so you will speak to her like a lady as a gentleman I guess that sounds better You will speak to her like a lady, as a gentleman. I guess that sounds better. You will speak to her as a gentleman. Respect her as a lady. So I don't know. Maybe I'm blowing it out of proportion. Maybe I blew it out of proportion at the time.

But I responded sternly. I was like, not cool, dude. you're not going to defile my wife that is not the way I want a gentleman speaking to her and maybe it's because I love to write and I love words I play word games like all the time every day all right I am not joking I I play Boggle and Wordle and others every single day. Like I love Scrabble and Crosswords. So words mean a lot to me. Okay, I've written an unpublished children's book at this point in my life. I do just a lot of creative writing. So again, words just mean a lot to me. And that was just a very bad choice of words to me.

And it hit me hard. So I explained all this to him sternly in a private message on Kik, and he responded very apologetically. He explained that that was not what he meant. He hit me with every sorry phrase in the book because I think he knew he was suddenly in a very precarious situation. He was so excited to have sex with my wife as he clearly demonstrated every single fucking morning with his damn countdown and now he knew I was on the verge of calling it off or at least he suspected he even said if you want to cancel I. And that is probably what I should have done, but I didn't.

I accepted the apology, and from that time forward, there were no other controversial messages, you know, but those damn countdown messages continued looking back I probably should have called it off I I should have just pulled the plug right then and there now the evening like our spicy date night it went fine but what happened after that evening is what actually caused us to cut ties with this couple first uh the evening all right let's let's talk about that Thank you. Thank you. Bye-bye.

that evening is what actually caused us to cut ties with this couple first uh the evening all right let's let's talk about that we got together at an airbnb we got some food we played some games had some drinks and then we moved the party to the living room where we played a game called strip spoons now now hopefully everyone listening is familiar familiar with the game of spoons the card game it's the one where you you play with a standard deck of cards and you try to get four of a kind passing the cards around to the other players once you do you grab a spoon and well we altered the rules to spoons to make it naughty so if you're the one to not grab a spoon in the real game you would get a letter you know you would get like s and then the next time you get p and then if you spell the word spoon or spoons you're out you you lost the game but in our version the one that eva and i made you lost an article of clothing so in this way we all got naked or close to naked and you know once that point is reached when we play strip strip spoons everyone is all riled up and ready to move the fun to the bedroom so i i guess i guess i could say one one more thing that annoyed me about this dude is that once Eva lost her shirt and bra in the game, he found it necessary to get up from where he was sitting and then go sit immediately behind her with his legs around her sides and he started to grab her boobs and i i don't know i just thought that was weird you know maybe it was maybe it was just his awkward attempt to get the party moving i don't know i don't know but but we have played this game many many times with couples and no guy has ever done that before or since there's been plenty of fondling and and touching and wandering hands i think that's all part of the game but no one has ever physically got up and repositioned himself directly behind someone else and cupped their boobs that was just weird to me anyway so once everybody had removed all or most of their clothing we went upstairs and started getting down to business now i need to take this opportunity to tell you that sammy had probably the best nipples i've ever seen outside of my wife of course because i love my wife's nipples they're amazing but as for other couples none before came close to their awesomeness and none since have been their equal they were long and thick think about a pencil eraser okay not the kind that comes attached to the pencil but the kind that you would stick on the end of the pencil if the eraser was worn down too much and you had to put a new eraser on it.

They were that thick, that meaty. They were fantastic. I could not stop playing with them.

I had a hell of a lot of fun with them and she was uh she was also very good at blowjobs and her skin was so so smooth it was very nice and eva had fun too you know i remember thinking at this point or at one point wow he's really fucking her hard and he was you know at this point or at one point wow he's really fucking her hard and he was you know at this point in our lifetime lifestyle journey i don't i don't think she had ever been fucked that hard and i remember even being kind of worried that that she wouldn't enjoy it but thankfully there was nothing to worry about Eva really enjoys being fucked hard and you wouldn't enjoy it.

But thankfully, there was nothing to worry about. Eva really enjoys being fucked hard. And, you know, now, during, at some point during the action, Eva suggested to Ted that he have sex with her from behind on the end of the bed. Now, I'm not sure what this position is called, but Eva and I really enjoy it. It's one of our favorite positions. It's not, it's not just her bent over the edge of the bed. It's, it's her laying prone bone. I think it's called with her chest flat on the bed, ass up in the air, feet flat on the floor.

And with her butt towards the edge of the bed, she actually has plenty of room to maneuver a vibrator down there, like down to her pussy. So she is able to come a lot in this position. And there's probably a name for that position, but I just, I don't know what it is. But again, we love it. And listeners, you should try it if you haven't already. Well, Ted had never heard of it before and was really excited about it. So they tried it, and he really, really enjoyed it. That will come into play shortly in this story. But other than that, the sex was pretty unremarkable.

I mean, it was plenty enjoyable, but nothing major that I need to tell you listeners about. We had a good time, and those nipples are forever etched in my memory. In the day or two following our play date, Ted texted me to ask what Eva thought of him. Did she have a good time?

Did she say anything about what he could do better i was like leave me alone dude if you are that concerned about your performance ask her how you did ask eva how you did you have her kick name ask her and the thing is he did he started bugging eva and eva was okay with it for the most part until, I don't know, I would say a few weeks later, he overstepped the line in Eva's eyes. He began asking her about the position they tried, that one where she's bent over the bed.

He said he could not wait to do it again and eva asked him like then why haven't you with sammy and he gave some lame excuse like oh we just haven't had time lately and eva was kind of annoyed by this not just with his questions and persistence but she felt that trying a new position he seemed thrilled about that should have been something that he tried soon after with his actual wife. When I learned something new, like that fingering technique that I mentioned in episode three that I called the move, I wanted to try it out with my wife.

I was like, oh my gosh, I can't wait to try this with Eva. She's my wife and the most important person to me, she's the one I want to try out new fun stuff that I've learned with you know she's the one I want to to please as much as I can and pleasure as much as I can but now Ted was talking about how he wanted to do it again with Eva and really didn't seem to have any desire to try it with his wife. And that made Eva uncomfortable. She felt like she was not going to go on dates with him in order for her to perform a specific trick he liked when he could easily do it at home with his wife.

You know, I mean, it's like, you know, your wife comes first. And don't get me wrong, she's very glad when men express how much they enjoy their time with her, okay? But something about the way he was texting her was rubbing her the wrong way so she asked me to step in and end things and I did as politely as I could I just you know I texted him and I just told him that that things have changed and we were really no longer interested in seeing them again. Um, I, you know, I tried not to be too specific.

I thank them for the, for the fun evening and the, and the fun conversations, but ultimate, ultimately we thought it was time to go our separate ways. They were both really kind about it, but i can't remember exactly what what he said but i could tell he was super disappointed now i wanted to be more specific and tell him it was because you acted like a dumbass but i didn't you know i i was polite and respectful um but, I wasn't very specific because I wanted to be honest.

I wanted to be truthful, but going back to my main point to all this, I, I think maybe I should have pulled the plug and that whole awkward situation could have been avoided. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not like super upset that I didn't pull the plug all right it's just it's just an example of where I should have listened to my gut and my gut was telling me that maybe this this was something I should have put a stop to. Now, again, the evening was fine. The sex was good. Um, but if I, or we had known it was going to be a one and done type of thing, I would have definitely pulled the plug.

You know, Eva and I are not, we're not really one and done people. If we, if meet with you and we enjoy our time with you, we'll tell you that we hope to get together again. You know, have another spicy date with you sometime. You know, we love making friends with benefits. And we don't really enjoy being notches on someone's bedpost, all right? When we meet someone, it's usually because we think there's potential for there to be multiple meetings. So again, if we had known the way this was all going to turn out, we probably would have excused ourselves from the beginning.

But I didn't listen to my gut, even after that dude's stupid-ass countdowns and the offensive comment he made about defiling my wife. I always try to look back on experiences and think, you know, think about what we've learned from them and in this case I definitely learned to trust myself if I get a weird vibe from someone in any way I think from that point on I was more cognizant and I think that's the word I'm looking for, cognizant, of the content of messages and how people act. If I get a bad or uncomfortable vibe, then I immediately end things. And that's happened.

There's been cases of that. Always politelyitely always respectfully but I do end things if I start getting a bad vibe so I've learned to trust my gut yeah so as a just kind of a word of advice to all my listeners out there trust your gut trust your. I would say your gut is usually right. And with that, uh, I think I'm going to end this episode. Um, thank you for listening. I'm so glad that you decided to, to come back if you're a returning listener and take a listen again. If you enjoy what you heard, please come back again sometime. I'd love to have you listen again.

I'm trying to put new episodes out each week right now. As at this point, sometimes it's hard to do that. I'm trying to the hard part is finding time to record. You know, I have kids living in this house. Our walls are fairly thin. So I always have to wait until a time where there's no kids around. And I could be sure that, you know, nobody's going to hear me talking about these explicit topics. So I'm going to keep trying to put out one a week. Eva and I have lots more to share. So she would actually love to come back sometime.

And so in the meantime, though, as always, you can find me on Instagram if you want to connect with me or kick. Either one, you can find me at Evan Deenson. That's E-V-A-N-D-E-A-N-S-O-N, Evan Deanson. Please feel free to connect with me. Send me questions, comments, suggestions for topics, all that good stuff. I would love to eventually answer listener questions on the show. I think that would be a hell of a lot of fun.

I got some other ideas in store for the future, future too I'm actually hoping to have some guests on down the road so that'll be exciting so stick around subscribe like whatever you do for podcast I don't even know but I hope you come back and listen to my melodious voice not really but I hope you coming back to listen come back and listen to my voice again so be safe everyone be safe be naughty live life to the fullest okay life is so short so truly live life to the fullest and swing on see you next time