Episode 12: Good Grooming

Transcript

Warning, the following podcast contains adult content, adult language, and adult situations. I talk openly about sex and explicit topics. If you are under the age of 18 or are uncomfortable listening to sexually explicit narratives, please listen no further. I am not a professional therapist, counselor, or doctor. I'm just an average guy in the swinger lifestyle who likes to share his experiences. This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. Please don't forget to subscribe to our channel. or doctor.

I'm just an average guy in the swinger lifestyle who likes to share his experiences. This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. Please seek a professional if you are in need of advice, guidance, or care as it relates to sexual health or alternative lifestyles. hello my swinger friends welcome to evan swings a podcast about the swinger lifestyle from the perspective of someone in the lifestyle, me. I'm your host, Evan, and I'm half of a lifestyle couple. The other half, of course, is my wife, Eva.

If you didn't catch some of my other episodes, she's actually joined me as a co-host a couple of times, and I hope that she'll be joining me again at some point. I highly recommend going back and listening to some of those episodes. They were a lot of fun. In fact, if you are new to this podcast, I would actually like to just humbly recommend going back to episode one and starting there. My first several episodes talk about the first legs of our journey into the lifestyle, but the quick Cliff Notes version, if you're old enough to remember Cliff Notes, Eva and I are a couple in our late 40s.

We have been in the lifestyle for almost three years at the time of this recording, and we're having the time of our lives. This podcast is devoted to sharing our adventures just for entertainment and for informational purposes. It is my hope that hearing about our experiences will be of some interest to listeners who are also in the lifestyle. Myself, I have found it so helpful to listen to other podcasts about the lifestyle. It has changed my perspective on some things, and it's inspired me to do this podcast.

So yeah, if my voice sounds off, I am actually recording this shortly before leaving for a play date, I'm a little nervous no matter how how often Eva and I play with a couple I still always have some nervousness just you know some anxiety even if it's just a little and I hope that doesn't come through in my voice in this episode. But let's get into it. Let's get into today's episode. I'm going to warn you right now. This episode may get a little gross.

And I have a story to tell you, a narrative about an experience we had where the woman the woman did not have good hygiene we'll say so I'll get into that but I'm going to be very open and honest about what happened as I always am and it may come across as gross or a little bit nasty or off-putting to hear. But again, I want to be very honest about our experiences, so therefore I have to be very descriptive. So if you were bothered by that sort of thing, if you were squeamish in any way, I might recommend that you turn this podcast off when I get to my story.

So I'll let you know when that's coming up. But first, let's talk about the importance of good hygiene in the lifestyle. So I actually, I had to Google a definition of the word hygiene, and it was the practice of keeping yourself and your surroundings clean, especially in order to prevent illness or the spread of diseases. So I got to thinking maybe hygiene is not the best word to use here. Maybe not the most accurate term. So I did a little more research and I think the more accurate term that I'm looking for is grooming or preening. So I googled that definition, and I got this.

Grooming, also called preening, is the art and practice of cleaning and maintaining parts of the body. So let's go with that. Let's go with grooming. Okay, that's the word that I'm going to use here. And let's go with that. Let's go with grooming. Okay. That's the, that's the word that I'm going to use here. And let's talk about the importance of good grooming in the lifestyle. I think it goes without saying that you want to look your best when you go on a lifestyle date, you know, be it a vanilla dinner or an actual play date. You want to look your best. Okay.

You, you want to look as attractive as possible. Now, I guess that might not be the belief of others. You know, maybe some may think the, like the other couple either likes me for who I am without getting all prettied up, prettied up or I'm out, you know, and that is an absolutely fine way to go about it. But I'm going to just kind of guess that most people in the lifestyle agree with my assessment. You want to look your best. Eva and I both believe this to a T. Our stance is that people are going to be spending their valuable time with us. We want to make it worth their while.

We will not see these people very often. So when we do, we want to shine. We want to look our absolute best for them. So Eva and I, we literally take hours to prepare for a date. Hours. Okay, now Eva more than me. I don't have an actual physical checklist, but I have a mental checklist of all the things I need to do. I shower using a, uh, a particular soap. I have like a soap that I only use for lifestyle events because it costs me a little bit more money and it has a pretty strong scent to it. So I use that. I shave my head because I'm bald, in case you didn't know that already.

I shave my neck. I trim my beard. I dye my beard. Actually, I discovered Just for Men about a year ago, and it does a fantastic job. It looks natural, and it just makes me feel younger and more confident. I know there's a lot of women out there who prefer the salt-and-pepper beard, but for me, it adds confidence for me so I do that I trim nose hairs pluck ear hairs eyebrow hairs I trim my chest hair I trim downstairs I shave downstairs and you know I trim any other body part that's, that's needed. Um, I of course brush my teeth, uh, I use mouthwash, I trim my fingernails, I trim my toenails.

Um, I, and then I, I take probably more time than I should to pick out the perfect outfit. And actually a little side note here. Eva and i were just talking the other day that we need to start keeping a log of what we have worn on our lifestyle dates so that we don't accidentally wear the same thing twice in a row with the same couple so that's just a little side note there that that we might start doing uh let's see what else do i do um i put on body spray or cologne and then there's my breath okay I'll see you next time. that we might start doing. Let's see, what else do I do?

I put on body spray or cologne. And then there's my breath, okay? I suffer, mildly embarrassing here, but I suffer from mild but chronic halitosis. So I always make sure that my breath is minty fresh whenever possible. Like I said, I brush and I use mouthwash, but then I also use an internal breath freshener tablet. Plus I carry breath spray and I care it with me all the time and I use it fairly frequently.

Like it's at ocd levels i also found these interesting mints that stick to your gums like right above your teeth so they stay in your mouth and they just dissolve slowly and just continually keep your breath fresh so i use those too Yeah, I am pretty damn OCD about my breath. But again, I want my date to have a good time. I certainly don't want to want to be remembered as that dude with the bad breath. It may sound silly, but be honest, if you had a play date with someone whose whose breath bad, would you really have a good time? Would it not be distracting to you?

Would you be interested in scheduling future dates? My guess would be no. Now, Eva does a lot more than me, okay? Like shaving, front and back. The back part, we have this kind of routine for which I come into the bedroom and I inspect the goods. And then I help her wax and shave as needed. So she does that. She showers, shampoos, conditions, puts on all these different lotions and perfume, and she gets a spray tan, does her makeup. You know, those are just a few of the things that come to come to my mind off off the top of my head.

The point of all this is to illustrate just how serious we take personal grooming. We just feel that it's very important and we greatly appreciate it when our playdates feel the same, when they reciprocate, when it shows that they put in similar time to what we put in. There's only been one incident I can think of in our almost three years that we've been in the lifestyle. We're... it in. There's only been one incident I can think of in our almost three years that we've been in the lifestyle where personal hygiene or personal grooming became a huge issue for us. And that brings us to my story.

Now, remember, I'll warn you listeners when I come to the kind of gross part. So in case you want to turn it off at that time. All right. So Eva and I met a fairly local couple. They lived, I would say, about 20 minutes away. So we consider them local. Now, finding local couples has been a challenge for us. You know, we don't live in a big city, so there are far fewer options as you would probably guess. Well, we met this couple for dinner and drinks and it went pretty well.

She was very and she had this infectious laugh it was awesome and he was a he was a decent looking dude very strong he was an army dude and he liked to talk a lot he he did have this kind of annoying habit of being incredibly long-winded and and everything we said seemed to trigger a story of his own like he'd even he'd even cut us off while we were telling a story and start uh yammering on about about something that it reminded him of so it was it was annoying but eva and i we we understand nobody's perfect. All right. We're certainly not perfect.

So there's probably plenty of things that annoy the crap out of other people. So this was just, uh, kind of an inconvenience of sorts. We really liked them because they were down to earth and super, super nice. I mean, they were just such nice people. And he and I, the dude and I, we hit it off because he had a hobby that I was really interested in. Now, I'm not going to say what that hobby is because if anyone I know ever listens to this, it might give away his identity. And I, of course, want to protect his privacy. So let's just say he had a hobby that I found to be really cool.

He also collects something that I like to collect. So we had that in common too. So we had some great conversation topics whenever we wanted them. Things progressed nicely with them. We had two or three playdates. We went to a vanilla party or two that they hosted. We went out to a dinner event with them. And they had their other vanilla friends there. And we seemed to fit in seamlessly things were fine they did start to get a little clingy though i remember one night we went out to dinner with them on a friday evening okay so we we saw them on Friday night. The next evening. Saturday.

They randomly showed up. At our son's sporting event. So. That was a little strange for us. You know. Eva and I. We're social. But. We usually like our. Social life with others. In small doses, okay? If we hang out with you one weekend, chances are you won't see us the next weekend. What's that phrase? It's like absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? I think that's the phrase.

We just enjoy our space i guess you know eva finds too much social interaction overwhelming at times so showing up at our son's game was strange and just a little uncomfortable i mean i mean sure it was a high school sporting event and anyone can attend.

mean it's let's be honest you know it's if it's a high school sporting event it's advertised to the community and anybody can attend but again being honest the only reason they attended was because we were going to be there okay they did not have any interest in this particular sport they as far as i know had never been to this type of event before and i never saw them at a similar event after this uh let's see what else he he also texted us a lot not necessarily sexy or lifestyle stuff just random stuff as i said we had similar interests similar tastes and he knew that i really appreciated his hobby so he would invite me to do uh other things non-lifestyle things or or just to say hi or tell me something uh he saw online a product he saw online just just really random stuff and as I mentioned though Eva and I we like our space okay if there's going to be a crossover into our vanilla lives it has to be done in moderation we like having friends with benefits, but we don't particularly want close friends with benefits with whom we need to talk to every day or see every week or every weekend.

We need moderation, okay? That's just one of our preferences. Everybody has different preferences and that's just one of ours despite the clinginess and the weirdness things were still fine they or i guess i should say he annoyed us at times but again no one no one is perfect they were super nice okay fun and they lived close close to us and again i have to say it One more time. They were super nice. Okay. Fun. And they lived close, close to us. And again, I have to say it one more time. They were just super nice people.

So there was nothing bad enough that led Eva and I to think we got to end this. All right. Nothing like that until the gross part of our story. So if you are squeamish in any way or just don't like hearing about gross stuff, I would say maybe turn this off right now. Okay. So now I'm going to continue. Hopefully you turn it off if you were grossed out easily. Okay, we ended up going to this couple's house that I'm talking about today for a play date. Their kids were not home, so it was a perfect opportunity.

Now, in previous episodes, I mentioned that Eva and I had a rule at the time that there were certain trustworthy couples with whom we would play and not use condoms. So at this time, this was one of those couples. So we're playing and everything is fine. Until I am kind of getting close to finishing, and I started to smell something quite off-putting. Now, I was able to finish, but the smell got worse. In case I'm not being clear at all, the smell was coming from her, the downstairs area. When we stopped, it was so bad that I had to excuse myself to the restroom and rinse off my dick.

Now, I remember walking back out to the play area after that, and the smell was now just lingering in the air. And everyone just kind of acted like we didn't smell it, but I am 100% positive everyone did. It was that obvious. When Eva and I return home, we of course had to engage in our traditional reclaim sex, but we couldn't. The lingering smell on my body was so bad that neither one of us could take it. I had to shower right away to get it off my body. It was bad. It was just really, really bad.

now Eva and I were we were so grossed out by this that we never wanted to be put in that position again. It was that off-putting to both of us. And sure, it may have been a fluke. It was probably a fluke, okay, because we had played before and never had that issue. But neither Eva or myself wanted to risk it okay it it was very uncomfortable it was very awkward it was just very bad so that tried that kind of canceled out our desire to remain friends with them to remain or I say, remain friends with benefits with them.

Ladies and gentlemen, okay, I pride myself on saying that I am 100% honest in the lifestyle. I tell lifestyle couples that interact with me that they will always get 100% blunt, brutal honesty from me. but in a situation like this there they're just there's just no way I could I could be honest I I did not want to hurt her feelings and I can't imagine how awful it would feel to be told something like that so I had to break my rule I I had to be dishonest. By the way, there is only one other time where I find it is okay to be dishonest in the lifestyle.

And it involves being kind, courteous, and saving someone else's feelings. And I will get to that in a future episode. But in this this situation Eva and I both felt honesty was not the way to go I texted the wife a few days a few weeks I don't remember so a few days or a few weeks later and I told her that Eva and I had made the difficult decision not to play with them anymore. I told her without going into specifics that there were some issues between us, meaning Eva and myself, that we needed to resolve and we no longer wish to play with any of our previous play partners any longer.

She was very kind about it, seemed very understanding, and told me that they would still love to hang out together in a vanilla environment. And I said something like I didn't think that would be wise. I think I said something about feelings of jealousy and we didn't want to be reminded of things that happened in the past, which is kind of true.

But there just wasn't enough interest, Eva or myself, having interest in remaining vanilla friends friends this may sound absolutely terrible to say but even i really are not at this stage of our lives we're not interested in making any new vanilla friends at least at this time we go out two or three times a month. And when we do, we prefer by far that it's a life with, with a lifestyle couple, we have, we just have a better time in a lifestyle environment. You know, we can be our true selves.

And we thought that if we did hang out with this couple, you know, just vanilla stuff, it could get increasingly awkward. You know, it would be completely well inside the realm of possibility that we'd hang out on a few vanilla occasions. And then one of them might make a move or, you know, try to rekindle something or even just talk about it, you know, bring up the possibility of playing again. And we didn't we didn't want to deal with that. You know, this was already really awkward for us, really uncomfortable for us. So we just wanted to cut ties. And that's what we did.

Do they think we are huge assholes? Probably. Maybe they even feel like we led them on and then, you know, got what we wanted out of them and then kicked them to the curb. I could definitely understand if they think this. But I still think it's better than the alternative okay I just I can't see any way how the truth could be told to them without them or mainly her feeling like complete garbage okay that would be devastating to hear I would imagine do not, under any circumstances, ever want to hurt anyone's feelings or embarrass anyone. So we stuck to the story and never heard from them again.

Since they live close by to us, though, you know, we are no doubt going to run into them somewhere, someday, at some point. And when that happens, we'll say hello and, you know, and hope that they will be receptive and civil. But, you know, I would understand if they didn't want to talk to us. And, you know, we certainly don't want to lead them on by talking to them again. Like I said, in another episode, future episode, my dog is scratching her collar right now. Sorry if that's coming through the mic.

But anyway, in a future episode, I'll tell you about the only other time I am dishonest in the lifestyle. And again, it is to make sure that feelings are not hurt. I think feelings may have been hurt in this situation. But I think they would have been hurt a lot worse if I had actually told them the truth. But I couldn't tell them the truth, right? I mean, how could I possibly mention what truly happened? That would make me a huge jerk, wouldn't it? I mean, I would love to help, but there's just no good way to go about helping without coming off as a huge asshole.

So, I guess I'll just have to appear to be a regular-sized asshole. All right. off as a huge asshole. So I guess I'll just have to appear to be a regular sized asshole. My final thoughts on this. Good grooming is important in the lifestyle. If you're going to be intimate with someone, it is my strong opinion that you should cover all your bases beforehand. I feel like we owe it to the other couple to do that. You know, you want to show them the best time possible.

I know if I were about to move in for a kiss and the woman had like long nose hairs hanging, you know, sticking halfway or like way out of her nostril, that would be very distracting to me. Or if a woman and I were kissing and she had really bad breath. I mean, that's a turnoff. Kissing is huge for Eva and myself. So if that happened, that would essentially ruin the play date. And some people are more sensitive than others about these things. So my advice is very simply, give it your best.

You don't have to necessarily groom to the extent that Eva or I do, like I spoke about earlier, but just try to look your best. It could potentially make or break your date as I hopefully just prove that to you. That's all. All right. That's all for this episode of Evan's Wings. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you found it informative, at least to some degree. I hope you were not completely grossed out. But like I said, this podcast is all about being straight with you guys. I don't want to sugarcoat things. I want to tell it like it is.

I want to tell you my true feelings or our true feelings i want it to be real so um hope i haven't scared you off and i hope you will come back again and listen sometime in the meantime feel free to connect with me you can find me on instagram or kick at evan deanson that's e-v-a-n d-e-a-n-s-o-n evan deanson i'd be happy or even thrilled to answer any questions you might have and then maybe even use your questions or comments on future episodes of this podcast so so yeah hit me up there and until my next episode take care be naughty and happy swinging