Ep. 62: Power Through it?

Transcript

the following podcast contains adult content including adult language i talk openly about sex and other adult topics if you are under the age of 18 or are uncomfortable listening to sexually explicit narratives please listen no further i am not a professional therapist counselor or doctor i'm just an average guy in the swinger lifestyle who likes to share his experiences. This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. Please seek a professional if you are in need of guidance or care as it relates to sexual health or alternative lifestyles.

Hello again everybody and welcome to Evan's Wings, a lifestyle podcast from an average guy's perspective. My name is Evan and I'm your host. For those new to the show, I'm just your average, everyday, late 40s, late 40s guy in the lifestyle. My wife, Eva, and I have been in the lifestyle for the last four and a half years here in the Dayton, Ohio area. Returning listeners, thank you as always for your continued support. I truly appreciate it. And just one more thing, please remember, I am not an expert. I don't pretend to be one. I don't do this for fame and fortune.

I just enjoy sharing our experiences in hopes that my listeners can relate and, of course, be entertained and informed. I have to admit, there is a part of me that hopes that people tune into my podcasts hoping to learn something, hoping to not just be entertained, but also to hear how Evan handled something, how someone else in the lifestyle experienced something similar. I'm not sure if anyone actually does that, but I do admit that I hope listeners have I'll see you next time.

I'm not sure if anyone actually does that, but I do admit that I hope listeners have received some decent advice, at least once in a while, from listening to my show. But today, I will confess, I am turning the tables. I have no advice to offer today. No suggestions or answers to questions. I have two segments today and both are going to be more open-ended. In fact, I'm going to be the one with questions today. With my first topic, I really want to know if I am at fault because I honestly don't know.

I want to put the blame mostly on the other couple involved in this situation, but I'll get to that shortly. And then my second topic, I have no freaking clue. All right, no clue what to do going forward. I always include my contact information at the end of every show. So if you listen to these two topics today and can actually offer me any guidance or insight on either of them, please feel free to share your thoughts. My first topic today deals with an interaction with a couple with whom Eva and I really hoped a friendship with benefits would blossom.

And if you listened to my last episode about our neutral New Year's, you'll remember that we hoped to meet five different couples at Club Princeton's New Year's Eve event. We only met one. Four other couples expressed interest in meeting us, but then either never showed up or never followed through on seeking us out. None of them had reserved a table for this particular event, Eva and I did. So, um, we had an established point of contact where we'd hoped, um, uh, to make introductions in person. We hoped that people would visit our table and we could say hello.

But only one couple showed up the entire evening. And that couple was a lot of fun.

They were both very attractive and very nice they were they were there with another couple and you know we we didn't want to interfere but we we did end up talking to them plenty and and dancing with them on the dance floor so we had a we had a good time and they even apologized to us saying they really wanted to hang out with us more but didn't want to ditch the couple they arrived with and we of course totally understood this we would have wanted the same but we all made it very clear that we definitely wanted to get together sometime outside of the club on another evening.

In fact, we had first interacted with them through the SLS website, so we learned a lot about each other ahead of time. Therefore, uh new year's new year's eve event we left it that we would be in touch on that site and we would figure out a date where we could all get together everyone seemed to be very excited but as you can probably guess things did not go according to plan and so before I go any further let me just say that I am fully aware that there are two sides to every story. And that's where I would love to know if Eva and I were at fault here. Because I don't think we were.

I guess there are some etiquette things that come into play here. So maybe I'm off. Maybe I'm wrong. And I truly do want to know so I can be better in the future if I am at fault here. But I'm going to read things We'll see you next time. want to know so I can be better in the future if I am at fault here. But I'm going to read things word for word, okay? I'm not going to omit anything, of course, except names to protect identities. But everything else is going to be word for word. I'm going to read you some texts so you can hear exactly what was said. Here is what happened.

After the New Year's Eve event, we stayed in touch. Like the next day, we were already chatting back and forth expressing our interest in getting together again. And I think it was the husband who was messaging me. I gave him a list of several dates in the next month or two that Eva and I were free. Including January 10th, January 16th, and January 17th. Okay, so we've got to remember those dates. January 10th, January 16th, January 17th. He responded, thanking me for the dates, and said he would look into it. He wrote back that the 10th and 16th would work for them.

Okay, so let's stop there and understand something. I sent him dates, we were free. He responded with the dates that they were also free, the 10th and 16th. Well, the 10th was just over a week away. And honestly, Eva was feeling a bit overwhelmed after spending two out of the last four nights at the club. So she really didn't want to do something on the 10th at this point. She just wanted to take a weekend off. So I wrote back and I explained, you know, why we couldn't do the 10th, But my last sentence was this. So we can shoot for the 16th? Question mark. And I read that incorrectly.

I said, so can we shoot for the 16th? Question mark. Okay, so I was asking him, can we do it on the 16th? Can we get together on the 16th? And he wrote back, that is completely understandable. Just let us know whenever, and we can figure something out. We are flexible. I was like, what the hell? Did he not see my last sentence asking if we could shoot for the 16th? So I responded, did you see my last sentence, LOL? We'd love to plan something for the 16th if that still works. Four days go by and they still had not responded to that. And I noticed that they had been on the site several times.

They had been on SLS several times, but did not acknowledge my message. So after four days, I decided to reach out again. And I said, hey, did we scare you off? Hopefully not. Let us know about the 16th. We are holding off, making other plans for that evening until we hear from you. They wrote back, apologizing, saying they had simply forgotten to respond to us. That's fine, whatever, no biggie. But then he said that they actually have a sporting event on the 16th, but nothing on the 17th. Well, I didn't understand why they never said to begin with that they had the 17th free.

Like, if they had that free all along, why didn't they say that? But that's besides the point, okay? Eva and I were in fact free on the 17th as well, so I wrote back, we are good to go for the 17th, smiley face. Now, my dear listeners, what would you do if you received that message from me? And I'll repeat it again. We are good to go for the 17th. Smiley face. Here's what I would have done. I would have responded with something like, okay, let's stay in touch and work out the details. Or even getting started on the details. Like, okay, where would you guys like to go?

Or where would you guys like to meet? Something like that. Something. We got nothing. We got no response. And that was on January 8th. They did not respond. Then it was the evening of January 15th. A full week later, seven days later. And again, they had been on the site and had not responded to our message saying we were good to go for the 17th. So at that point, a full week later, Eva and I, since we did not hear from them, we accepted an invitation to do something with our family. But we really liked this couple, so we wanted to reach out and let them know and possibly reschedule something.

And keep in mind, this is now less than 48 hours before we were supposed to hang out with them. Less than 48 hours before we were supposed to meet them. them less than 48 hours before we were supposed to meet them so I messaged them and said hey guys it's been a week and it's wait I'm gonna read this exactly hey guys it has been a week and we hadn't heard back from you about Saturday so we decided to commit to a family thing but we'd really still love to get together with you if you are still interested then I explained that we had lots of availability until Valentine's Day I don't know.

but we'd really still love to get together with you if you are still interested. Then I explained that we had lots of availability until Valentine's Day. I said, feel free to pick a date and we would be very happy to reschedule. We got a response a day later. So now, 24 hours before we are supposed to meet this couple. It said, sorry, we locked in the 17th. Thought it was confirmed. Okay, we will circle back if we are able to do another date. If. If we are able. That if stood out to me.

It seemed a little curt, to to be honest and i know tone is difficult to interpret over text messaging but this certainly seemed like they were not pleased and insinuating that we were to blame uh bailing on them but we locked in the 17th and thought it was confirmed? How? How did you confirm that? When was this confirmed? I sent you a message eight days ago and you did not acknowledge it. I said we were good to go for the 17th. That was your cue to write back and confirm. And then we could have worked out whatever details.

But to claim you had it locked in with no details, no set plans whatsoever, 24 hours before you were supposed to meet a couple? am i Am I crazy here to think that the blame for this miscommunication falls mostly upon them? You already misunderstood one message I sent you. You already told us you were free on one date when you obviously weren't. And then you don't respond for eight days?

and then assume we were all going to go somewhere and fuck 24 hours later i just don't get it here i don't see how we can be at fault here and and how how they could assume everything was good to go for, for a date and how they can seemingly blame us. Like we, we told you we're good to go. You didn't write back for eight days. And then we're, we're still supposed to assume we're doing something 24 hours later.

I mean, are we the only ones, ones hopefully not who take time to prepare for a lifestyle date i mean eva likes to get a spray tan a day or two before so we at least at the bare minimum need a day or two's notice well i took the high road ladies and gentlemen i apologize for the miscommunication and i reiterated that we would love to get together with them And I'll see you next time. two's notice. Well, I took the high road, ladies and gentlemen.

I apologized for the miscommunication and I reiterated that we would love to get together with them and ask them to send us some dates they were available. And at the time that I record this, that was over a week ago. No response. And again, on SLS, you can see when a user last visits the site and they have been visiting they have been choosing not to respond or forgetting but this whole situation has irked me because Eva and I have not had good luck meeting new couples in the last year. And this seemed like a great match.

And then to see it go to shit because of miscommunication, in my opinion, on their end, it really sucks. And it kind of felt like they were insinuating it was our fault. And that sucks even more. But what sucks the most is just the wholehearted belief that I believe it was not our fault. They should be the ones apologizing and asking us to reschedule. Instead, they said they would circle back to us if they are able to do another date. That seems to me like a screw you comment. Why wouldn't they be able to do another date?

Are they booked solid for the next years but again all right i will i'll i'll say it again tone is difficult to determine over text messages so we are willing to give them a pass here but they certainly don't seem interested and the only reason in our opinion that they were suddenly disinterested is because they think we blew them off. And we obviously did not. So that's my first topic of the day. Please feel free to chime in. Let me know if I have a legit gripe here or if I'm missing something, I will gladly eat crow if someone points out to me what we did wrong.

You know, why it's really our fault here. And that brings me to topic number two. I will preface this first of all by saying this may be a sensitive topic and an awkward one or an uncomfortable one, but I pride myself on being willing to tackle all lifestyle topics on this podcast, no matter how awkward or uncomfortable. And please remember, I am a guy. I, I tout this podcast as being one from a guy's perspective. So please keep that in mind. Here we go. Eva and I played with a couple recently and the evening went splendidly. We met at a club. We hung out. We talked. We danced. We drank.

It was a lot of fun. And everyone seemed very eager to go back to their hotel, which they invited us to do. So we went back and talked for a little bit before things started to inevitably escalate. Everything was going swimmingly until I removed her panties. Is that the correct term, by the way? Panties? Undies? Underwear? Whatever. I'm just going to go with panties for this, but maybe there's a different term I should be using. Anyway, the second I removed them, I smelled something and it did not smell good. I knew exactly where it was emanating from.

How can I describe this without sounding like a complete ass? It was different. Almost like it smelled like unclean. Let's just go with that. It smelled unclean. And again, being honest and upfront, I could be wrong here. but it did not smell like a chemical imbalance or BV because I've I've smelled that type of odor before. And again, I'm a guy, so maybe there isn't a particular scent for those sorts of things. Maybe, you know, just every woman is different. But all I know is that it did not smell inviting at all. In fact, it was off-putting. I have enough problems with my anxiety.

I don't do well with distractions when it comes to sex. This was a bad distraction and it, it did affect my performance to some degree. Now, what are we as guys supposed to do in that situation? I'm going to tell you what I would do and what I did in this situation, but I wonder if there is a different, better option. What I did was I powered through. I obviously couldn't say anything. I mean, that would be ridiculously rude and obnoxious, but I am sensitive to smells. Okay. I'm, I'm the type of person who can feel nauseous due to a particular scent or even the thought of a particular smell.

Have you ever had White Castle burgers? I don't know if you've heard of White Castle, maybe you even haven't, but they exist out here. I've had White Castle Burgers once, once in my life, and that was way back in college. But even now, just the smell of them turns my stomach. Eva really likes White Castle burgers. My brother really loves White Castle burgers. But if they eat them while they're with me, it turns my stomach just to smell it. So that puts me in an even worse predicament. What can I do except power through? So that's what I did. I powered through. I'll see I powered through.

I, I honestly, I could not bring myself to give her oral sex, but I powered through and fingered her making her squirt a few times. So I feel like I did my job and I had, you know, penetrative sex with her. But what I couldn't figure out was her husband. Her husband went to town on her. He gave her oral and it didn't seem to faze him in the slightest. It made me wonder, was he just used to it? Was this normal for him? And therefore, it was something that he grew accustomed to.

Did he not have a good sense of taste or smell i don't know but even eva said that she couldn't handle going down on her i mean it it wasn't just when i was close to her like you know close to her uh downstairs area when i took those panties off it it kind of like filled the room it was fairly strong and i i just don't understand how she or her husband didn't seemed didn't seem to notice and again maybe it's because they think that's normal. Maybe that's what they're used to. Eva told me that she would have been mortified.

In fact, she takes many precautions to make sure she is always springtime fresh, we'll say. And she has made it very clear to me that if I were to notice that she is not smelling her freshest, I'll see you next time. And she has made it very clear to me that if I were to notice that she is not smelling her freshest, that I'm supposed to notify her right away. You know, obviously I wouldn't shout it out or anything, but I would somehow let her know in a, uh, covert, respectful, subtle way. Now, thankfully I've never been put in that position. Eva does an amazing job.

It just makes me wonder though, how it can, how can it, how it, how can it even be a thing at all in this day and age? So with wonder comes research. And I have to admit that I was wrong about something. In one of my very early episodes, and off the top of my head, I can't remember which one I told a story about how Eva and I decided to completely stop seeing a couple due to a horrible odor. In that episode, I talked about the importance of hygiene because I assume that that's what it was, but I have learned. Okay. There are all sorts of things that can contribute to a bad scent down there.

And most have nothing to do with hygiene. So women, I guess, have, um, than others maintaining a clean smell due to things like BV, other bacteria, and then, you know, other factors like infections or, or just, just the way the woman is. Okay. Like she may, that just may be her natural smell. So when I'm wrong, I'm wrong and I admit it. So I am admitting right here, right now, I was wrong in that episode to assume it was a hygiene issue. It may not have been. I have definitely learned. And that brings me to a dilemma. Eva and I really like this couple.

We really want to hang out with them again. But I will admit it, I am very hesitant to play with her again. I did fine powering through it and refraining from giving her oral, but that doesn't seem like it would be sustainable. At some point, she may ask me to do it or notice that I'm avoiding it. And that's if there is a bad scent. You know, it could have been an anomaly. It could have been a one-time thing, an off night for her, but the way her husband dove right in and stayed down there, it makes me wonder, it makes me wonder if that's her normal scent, and he's just accustomed to it.

and i would feel terrible to play with them again only to only to have to make up an excuse to call things off if there was still that scent. I feel it would be better to end it like after the first time. It's more respectful if you ask me. It feels like you know I'm not leading them on, granted in the lifestyle, you should always be able to walk away for whatever reason, no hard feelings from any party involved. I get that. And I understand that. But it just sucks to be put in a position like this.

And I have scoured the internet, scoured Reddit, a good place for information on stuff like this. I looked all over Reddit for conversations about this exact issue. Many seem to agree that powering through it was the right choice. But one thing is for sure, my experience wasn't the first in the lifestyle. There are lots of posts about this topic and a wide range of opinions and advice. One poster suggested that I should discreetly talk to the husband about it. And I'm not comfortable with that at all. Hey man, I need to talk to you about your wife's vaginal odor.

No, that's, that's not going to happen. Another suggested that my wife discreetly talk to the other wife about it. You know, like when they go to the restroom. And I'm not sure about that one either, but I know Eva would probably be thankful if someone took her aside and inform her of the problem, but it would most definitely be embarrassing. She would be embarrassed in the, And the whole situation in that moment would be very awkward. But.

embarrassing she would be embarrassed and the whole situation in that moment would be very awkward but it would most likely prevent some awkwardness later on but again Eva she she doesn't want to tell this woman about it so I don't know guys I I wish I could be the advice giver here, but this is a tough one. I'm not sure what the correct answer is, if there is one. Like I said, I looked all over some Reddit groups, Reddit conversations, and there is not a definitive answer here. And I, I pride myself on being kind and respectful. So any solution would have to be just that, okay?

It would have to be kind and respectful, and I can't think of one. I'd love to hear if anyone out there has some thoughts on this. As I said, there are lots of discussions out there, but none of the suggestions I have seen have really resonated with me as viable options besides just ending things with the couple and not chancing it, you know, not chancing that happening again. But again, we'd rather not do that. They're really nice, really fun with several common interests. They're really attractive and they live relatively close to us. I just, I wish there was an easy solution here.

if you'd like to chime in on this topic or any other, you can contact me in a plethora of ways. If you're on Blue Sky, simply search for Evan Swings. You can also find me on Instagram and kick at evandeanson. That's E-V-A-N-D-E-A-N-S-O-N, or send me an email, old-fashioned email, I can be reached at evandeanson at gmail.com. I welcome all your thoughts, questions, comments, and suggestions. I'd love to hear from you. Feel free to hit me up. I'm going to sign off now for today. I hope you come back and give me a listen in the future.

Until then, be safe, be wild, and remember, we only get one life, so live it to the fullest. Take care, everyone.