Ep. 60: What Money Can't Buy

Transcript

the following podcast contains adult content including adult language i talk openly about sex and other adult topics if you are under the age of 18 or are uncomfortable listening to sexually explicit narratives please listen no further i am not a professional therapist counselor or doctor i'm just an average guy in the swinger lifestyle who likes to share his experiences. This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. Please seek a professional if you are in need of guidance or care as it relates to sexual health or alternative lifestyles.

Hello, my lifestyle friends, and welcome to Evan Swings, a lifestyle podcast from a guy's perspective. Thank you so much for joining me today. I'm your host, Evan, and I indeed swing. And for those of you who are new to the program, just a little background. My wife, Eva, and I, we reside in the Dayton, Ohio area, and we've been in the lifestyle for about four and a half years at this point. I'm recording this at the very beginning of January 2026. Happy New Year to everyone. I hope everyone's holidays were merry and safe. And as I always say, I'm not an expert. I never claim to be one.

I'm just an average guy in the lifestyle here to share his experiences and hopefully entertain and inform. And by the way, if you are new to the show and want to learn about how Eva and I got into the lifestyle and hear about our first adventures, you'll just need to go back, way back to my very first episodes. Check those out. All are available on whichever podcast listening service you are currently using right now. And of course, if you are not a first time listener and you've decided to come back for more, thank you. Thank you very much.

I greatly appreciate you listening to me and supporting the show. This is, again, beginning of January. I have an episode, or my next episode is going to be all about, um, our experience on New Year's Eve. So, uh, this episode, uh, goes back a little bit, but, uh, next time you join me, I'll tell you all about our New Year's Eve adventure.

All to start i want to start today's episode by going back to something i discussed in my last episode and and give you a little update i like to give updates when i when i have them so if you've listened to to some of my stories and wondered if there's any news, I can give you some information. Last time I talked about how this couple from Chicago contacted me. And normally I would have written them off pretty quickly.

You know, I would have politely backed out of the conversation and then just moved on but this couple they were of Indian descent and out of the conversation, and then just moved on. But this couple, they were of Indian descent, and I discussed how that remains one of my fantasies. Embarrassingly enough, or maybe not so embarrassing, I guess, it's not that big of a deal, but this fantasy is largely due to the TV show Bridgerton and the beautiful actress, Simone Ashley.

Anyway, they started a conversation with me, mostly the sexy wife, and things were going very well, and then all of a sudden they like ghosted me, just completely stopped talking to me. At that point, I recorded my last episode. So I figured it was over, and I would never hear from them again. But then, they reached out again and continued the conversation. I was very pleasantly surprised.

and living living about five hours away from them I knew the chances of meeting them were very slim but when we have fantasies sometimes we will put in a little extra effort to make them happen right so this was something that I knew I knew couldn't happen in the very near future. Like we couldn't just drop everything and drive to Chicago or even the halfway point between here and Chicago. Because things have been absolutely bonkers crazy during this holiday season.

so i told them when things settle down Eva and I would definitely be interested in seeing if we could make this happen actually I I I even told Eva that I didn't want much for Christmas this year you know I I didn't want her to spend money on me instead i wanted her to to save it and then we could you know use it for experiences you know like vacations or a trip to meet a sexy couple and fulfill a fantasy so this wasn't necessarily um a pipe dream, okay? This was something that could legitimately happen. Therefore, I wanted to stay in touch with this couple.

I told them that until we could schedule something, I would send them at least one sexy pic each week and say hello to keep them interested and let them know I don't know. I would send them at least one sexy pic each week and say hello to keep them interested and let them know that, you know, we would continue to be interested. I've learned that in the lifestyle. If you lose touch with someone for a while, it could very easily lead to you permanently losing touch with them. I mean, it has happened before to us. It's like too much time has passed.

And so you just kind of mutually agree that it's over. So that was my plan. Okay.

Send a pic each week, say hello, say hello chat a bit you know keep that flame burning and then i got on the app that i was communicating with um and i think it was field yeah yeah field um and the conversation was gone vanished no message saying sorry we changed our minds or sorry we decided this was not worth our time nothing just gone like like i couldn't even go back to the conversation like the the conversation was like deleted their profile was deleted so that was quite the roller coaster Here Here I was thinking I might fulfill a fantasy of mine. Then I think they ghost us.

Then they come back to rekindle the hope. And then they completely disappear. Just very strange. And of course, disappointing. But I'm not surprised, okay? You know, things like this happen in the lifestyle all the time. There are so many fakes, flakes, and non-genuine people that I've learned to never get my hopes too high until we actually meet in person. Because then at that point, then it's real. Okay. You get, you get the, uh, the true, uh, personalities that come out and you can see if everyone has chemistry. I'll see you next time.

true uh personalities that come out and you can see if everyone has chemistry all right i'll have another update before i tell you that um i think i've i think i've mentioned this many times i have dogs and i just do this from my home office um and they are currently chewing on some treats but when they get done they may they may come in and start to bother so if that happens i will pause the recording um and take care of that so i apologize if that comes through any barking any chewing any toys that squeak it's gonna happen all right another update i wanted to give you is about Poison Ivy.

A few episodes back, I told the story of a woman that I nicknamed Poison Ivy. I met with her once. Hope to meet her again. But then she said that she had to work on her relationship with her partner, so she was stepping away from non-monogamy for a bit. Until things settle down, she said. That was her words, you know, until things settle down. But it had been over a month, and I still hadn't heard back from her.

i all right I guess I need to backtrack a bit because I forgot something crucial to my story okay when we met at the hotel she took a shower immediately upon arrival and after she left I was cleaning up and when I checked the bathroom I noticed she had left her bottle of body wash in the shower. And it wasn't like a branded bottle. You know, it looked like it was part of like a matching set that she herself poured liquid soap into. So I was right because I contacted her and she wanted it and we agreed that I would just give it to her the next time we saw each other.

Well, that damn bottle has been sitting on my dresser since July. I was ready to get rid of it. I figured I would never see her again anyway, so I literally had it in my hand above a trash can ready to drop it in. But then for some reason I felt bad. I decided to just contact her. And there's my dog growling.

Anyway, I texted her and I said, Hey, I haven't heard from you in a long time and I'm not stupid okay I figured I figured that means we we won't be having another date again and that's fine no hard feelings it happens in the lifestyle I understand but I didn't want to throw out this bottle of your body wash until I checked with you so I asked her if I should just throw it out, if I should arrange to drop it off to her somewhere, or, or should I hold on to it? And I honestly figured she would just tell me to throw it out. But I was surprised by her answer.

She said, coincidentally, her and her partner had just reopened the conversation about separate play and had even discussed me. They agreed they weren't ready yet, but were making progress and she hoped to contact me again in the future. I told her okay, and I would just put aside the body wash in hopes that we would meet again eva thinks i am wasting my time and she is just stringing me along maybe but man would i feel bad if the day came where she contacted me uh asked to get together and i had disposed of that bottle.

I just, I, I just feel like it's the, it's the kind, polite thing to do at least for now. Okay. But I mean, if, if this goes on another six months, maybe even less than that, I don't know, then I'm, I'm just going to pitch the thing. I will buy her a new one if we end up meeting after that and she's in any way upset about it. But I'm a realist and I know the chances are slim. Okay, one more story before I get to my main topic for today. As I have mentioned before, eva and I have had some bad luck lately with the lifestyle.

Couples whom we thought were our very good friends, or I should say very good friends with benefits, turned out to no longer be good friends at all. Like ghosted us, ditched us, no goodbyes or good lucks, just stopped talking to us, stopped responding to our messages, just ignored them basically. And then we see them posting on lifestyle sites. So they are active. They're active in the lifestyle community. They just don't want to be our friends anymore, I guess. And that bothers me, people.

If you're friends with someone and you don't have like a falling out, then I believe you should at least have the decency, the common courtesy to to them know you no longer wish to be friends. I'm not saying you even have to give a good reason, but damn it, once you develop a close friendship with someone, like think of this like even outside of the lifestyle, I believe you should have the decency to let them know. Don't just ignore their messages.

Two couples, okay, two couples that this happened with, two couples that this happened with, okay, our last messages were showing concern about something personal happening in their lives. It our messages, Eva and I, we sent them messages showing concern about something that was going on in their lives. And that's what friends do. They show concern. And in both situations, our messages were read, but ignored. No, thank you for your concern, or we appreciate you thinking of us. Nope. I would have even preferred a curt fuck off rather than be completely ignored.

Because that's at least some closure. It just really bothered me because with these two couples, our friendship reached a high level. Like a high enough level where gifts were given. We've given gifts to each other. We've had dinners. Dinners were prepared and shared at our homes.

were friends not just fuck buddies we were friends we cared about each other not to sound corny and sappy but but we did and to just suddenly ignore someone after all that it's very rude in my opinion and so so don't be rude people my advice and and again this is just my opinion okay this this whole podcast is just my opinion so i'm not saying this is what uh is like the the law here okay but my opinion if you don't want to see someone anymore that is your your right. You are allowed to feel that way. It is okay to feel that way. But, be kind and courteous. Give the couple some closure.

It just really sucks for them if you don't. Let them know. I'm sorry. This is not working out. We don't wish to continue seeing each other. Something like that. Anyway, I'm telling you all this because even I have just...

We have just two couples right now who we consider friends with benefits and I've complained before how after four and a half years I would have assumed I would I would have assumed we would have more than just two couples that are friends with benefits but we're happy we're you know of course to have these two couples you know one lives uh one lives about an hour from us and we recently we recently invited them to our house for a date and this couple is so much fun uh he is absolutely hilarious and she is absolutely stunningly hot and we have plenty in common we seem to get along really well but uh we decided to invite them to dinner first and we we took them to a local like a dive bar and grill that we really enjoy it's kind of our go-to place when we have friends and family visit and we we took them there and it seemed to go pretty well besides the bad service we got then we got back to our house played some games and then decided to take things upstairs to our playroom we got things going and then two very bad things happened this was the first time that we had hosted since we got our puppy last spring and she was not used to having guests in our house or being separated from us so we locked her downstairs but she was not happy about that and kept barking I get easily distracted people so this woman is trying to give me a blowjob, and let me tell you, four and a half years in the lifestyle, and I've never had a better blowjob than this woman gives, she's fucking incredible at it, but she's sucking my dick and I just can't tune out the damn dog barking.

So I started going soft during a blowjob from the best blowjob giver ever. So I had to stop for a moment. We gave the dog a treat to keep her quiet before resuming. But shortly after resuming, the dude excuses himself to use the bathroom. And I began to get concerned because he wasn't returning. Well, I wanted to get some water anyway, so I left the ladies in the playroom. And I headed downstairs to the kitchen.

And that's where the dude met me and told me he had just gotten sick thrown up his dinner in the bathroom i felt terrible i felt so bad for the guy he's usually one of the most bubbly happy guys ever but he was hurting at this point the play date was over and i just i felt felt awful.

I, I, I know it wasn't my fault, but I still, I still felt bad for taking someone to a restaurant, touting it as a favorite of ours, and then having him get sick because of it, having to end our play date because of it, it and and then having to drive an hour back home while sick this was a first for us we have never had a play date suddenly come to an end due to illness and i just i felt so bad and and he listens to this podcast so I just hope he's not embarrassed or upset about what happened, and that he and his wife, I hope that they still wish to see us again.

I just feel like something like this can be kind of traumatic, leave a bad taste in someone's mouth, pun intended there, but we'd, uh, we really hope to see them again. And that brings me to today's main topic. Months before our date, like this date that I was just telling you about, I had actually discussed, uh, what I'm about to talk to you about. I discussed this with the dude. Because I told him that after several play dates with him and his wife, his wife is so hot and so far out of my league that I actually have had difficulty performing.

I get so in my own head that it sometimes prevents the response I want, like down below. Now, and I've said this before in other episodes, I have no issues getting hard with Eva. No issues. So it is 100% a mental thing. So it got me thinking. There are lots of things that you can buy in the lifestyle to help you, to help you stay hard, help your chances with another couple, to help you look better. But there's one thing you can't buy. You can buy clothes and outfits to make yourself look more attractive at a club or event to grab people's attention.

You can buy hair products and makeup to make you look and feel sexier or even sluttier you could buy you know perfumes and and lotions to make your skin feel nice and to smell nice you can spend money to rent an upscale hotel room show off you know if this is your thing it's not my thing, but show off high-end materials that you think might impress someone. Like show off your nice car or that you can afford a super upscale hotel room. And if you want performance enhancement, you can buy that too. I've talked before about all the ED medications that are available.

And if all that fails, you can even buy injections. And I think they're called Trimix or Trimax, something like that. You know, you insert a needle into your dick and it makes it super hard and keeps you super hard. so yeah you can buy almost anything to better your chances of scoring with someone in the lifestyle heck you can you can even get cosmetic surgery you can even buy that but there is one thing you cannot buy and unfortunately i believe it is the one, it is, I'll say, I won't say the one, but one of the most important things to have in the lifestyle. And that is confidence.

You cannot buy confidence. You can maybe learn confidence. You can build confidence, but you can't buy it. And I know because if they made confidence in a pill, I would immediately buy a lifetime supply because that is what I have struggled the most with in my four and a half years in the lifestyle. Confidence. First of all, I know from experience that there are a lot of women, not saying all, but a lot of women who are attracted to confidence. Confident men are a turn on.

in fact one of the the two couples i mentioned earlier who became our good friends of ours and then ignored us and stopped talking to us completely, the wife told me the night we met that what she is attracted to most is confidence. Confidence in men. And I truly believe that's why they decided not not to see us anymore i have struggled with confidence big time and i i know you can't see me right now but perhaps you can picture me i'm short for um guy standards. I'm 5 for guy standards. I'm 5'7 on a good day. I'm not particularly shredded or muscular either.

I'm not fat, but I'm not very toned. Four elbow surgeries and a knee surgery have virtually eliminated my ability to work out. I'm almost 50 years old, and I'm bald. I shave my head, and to make matters worse with that, not only am I bald, but I have two dents in the back of my head where my skull didn't fuse properly as a baby. And on top of that, I have a large pinkish-reddish-blotchy birthmark right around those dents. And on top of that, I have a large scar and bump from where I had a benign tumor removed about 10 to 12 years ago. So I'm making it sound worse than it is.

But as somebody who lacks a whole lot of confidence, I'm really self-conscious about that. So yeah, my confidence is very low when it comes to my appearance. Walking around a club, seeing all the tall, well-built guys with flowing locks of hair. As I said earlier, I'm a realist. are most women at that club looking for a short, bald, not very muscular dude when they go to a club? No way. No way. You know, I guess there's exceptions, but in general, no way. And don't get me wrong, okay?

I'm a decent-looking guy, and considering that I have had some moderate success having sex with other women during my time in the lifestyle, I can't be that unappealing, okay? I'm just, admittedly, not the ideal specimen. There are plenty of guys out there that are less attractive than me, who I believe get way more action than me in the lifestyle. Why? Because they have confidence. Okay.

And while I'm thinking about it, I will also say that say that you know there i said walking around a club there's you know all these guys that i feel are are better specimens than me but you know don't get me wrong i also know again i'm a realist i know that there's also guys I see who I feel I'm definitely more attractive than, okay, you know, I, you know, I notice things, I, I'm, I'm heterosexual, but I can see, I can tell a good looking guy when I see one, and that means I can also tell when someone is not quite attractive, so again, I am not, I'm not saying I'm a bad looking guy all right but again i just don't have the confidence and i know that confidence is an important aspect there's this one dude that eva and i know uh we play with him and his wife rarely very rarely it's been over a year now but we still stay in touch he has kind of a smaller dick and knows it he accepts it and jokes about it and he's absolutely hilarious And he's a super nice guy and he has an amazing personality.

So, of course, women find him attractive. Eva sure does. But it is unfortunately something that we unconfident, I don't even know if that's a word, non-confident, unconfident guys, we can't just walk into a store and buy some confidence. We can't just order some confidence online. I admit that I see a counselor who also happens to be a licensed sex therapist. And this is an issue that we have discussed. We have discussed a lot of issues, and he has helped me immensely, except with confidence. That, that is elusive. His explanations are sound, okay?

He said things like, you know, women aren't just attracted to looks they're they're attracted also to personality and i admit i think my personality and my sense of humor those are my best qualities he says that i should have a ton of confidence because i am not only attractive but I'm smart. I have a good career. I'm kind not only attractive, but I'm smart. I have a good career. I'm kind. I'm compassionate. I'm giving. I'm sincere and honest. You know, all those things. Yes, great.

But if a woman sees me on the other side of a club, she's not going to say, Ooh, you know, I can tell that guy is intelligent and has a good career. I want to go talk to him. No. Physical appearance is what makes the first impression. Not just in person, okay, but also on lifestyle sites and apps as well. You're going to get the initial impression. Your initial impression is based on how someone looks. If you find someone attractive, then you pursue. Then you read their profile further. Then you learn about personalities and know, personalities and professions and all that stuff.

But yes, in person, I believe that confidence can trump appearance. I can't prove this myself, but Eva will back me up on this when I say, if someone only moderately attractive comes up to you and starts talking to you, but they have a great personality and just radiates self-confidence, you're going to be more than just moderately attracted back to them. Confidence or their confidence will make them seem more attractive. Confidence is a huge boon. And if you suffer from lack of confidence, guys, just like me, I'm sorry to say that I don't have a solution yet.

If you kept listening to this episode, hoping I would tell you what the magical fix was, I'm sorry, but I don't have it. I always want to be honest and open on this podcast. So that's what I'm doing here. Confidence is, in my opinion, again, an important aspect to being successful in the lifestyle but if you are not a confident person you may struggle more than others who are all that said I have to say in the four and a half years we've been in the lifestyle, I've actually gained a lot of confidence. And I know based on what I just said, you probably think I'm not a very confident person.

But the fact is, I've actually become more confident. The lifestyle has helped me to gain confidence. So I was a lot worse than what I am now, but it remains a struggle for me. I like to give friendly advice on this podcast when I can. I just can't here. I would actually really appreciate listener advice if anyone out there has any. How have you overcome low self-confidence? Was it an experience or experiences that helped change that? Was it just time? Did it just take time to develop? Was there some sort of epiphany that happened? So I'm very curious to know.

To me, confidence is not something you can learn, but it is something that you can earn and build. Something that you can gain over time with positive experiences. And I have had a lot of positive experiences. And like I said, I feel like my self-confidence is a lot higher than it was when I first started off in the lifestyle. But despite the improvement, I still consider it my biggest flaw. Man, if I was more confident. I've mentioned before that Eva and I both are shy when it comes to approaching, um, new couples in person.

I wish I had more confidence to just walk up to people, introduce ourselves and have a friendly conversation because I bet we would have a lot more connections than we do now. I really do. And some say that alcohol helps. Like alcohol will help with confidence. And I'm not saying it does. I'm not saying it doesn't. I kind of think that it does. but I stay sober at clubs and events. I had a bad experience with, I don't know what the technical term is, but the casual term is whiskey dick. So I had a bad experience with whiskey dick once and I don't want it to happen again.

So I just, I keep trucking along here, hoping that my confidence levels will continue to rise in time. Here we go. So I just, I keep trucking along here, hoping that my confidence levels will continue to rise in time. That's all I got for today. If you made it this far, thanks for listening, listening to me ramble on.

As I mentioned at the beginning, my next episode is going to be about our New Year's eve experience we attended club princeton in columbus ohio and it was a little sneak preview here it was equally super fun and disappointing so that'll be a little teaser for next time i'll tell you all about it in the meantime if you'd like to get in touch with me, please feel free to reach out. You can comment on the topics of today's episode or any other you wish. I would love to hear any and all your lifestyle comments, questions, thoughts, and suggestions. You can contact me by visiting my Blue Sky page.

Go to Blue Sky and search for Evan Swings. Or you can find me on Instagram at Evan Deenson. That's E-V-A-N-D-E-A-N-S-O-N. Or you can email me. Old-fashioned email. EvanDeenson at gmail.com. I hope to connect with more of you as this program grows, and I thank you so much for your support. Until next time, take care, everyone, and again, Happy New Year. Remember, be safe, be wild. We only get one of these guys, so live life to the fullest.