Show notes
My fourth episode in a seemingly endless series! Eva and I are kind of shy when it comes to in-person meetings. While some prefer going to clubs and events to meet new couples, we prefer to stick to lifestyle sites and apps to initiate conversations with potential matches. That unfortunately leads to a great deal of unexpected (or maybe I should say expected) interesting and infuriating interactions!
Transcript
the following podcast contains adult content including adult language i talk openly about sex and other adult topics if you are under the age of 18 or are uncomfortable listening to sexually explicit narratives please listen no further i am not a professional therapist counselor or doctor i'm just an average guy in the swinger lifestyle who likes to share his experiences. This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. Please seek a professional if you are in need of guidance or care as it relates to sexual health or alternative lifestyles.
Hi, lifestyle friends, and welcome to Evan Swings, a lifestyle podcast from a guy's perspective. Thank you so much for tuning in today. I've got to start with my usual introductory blurb here. If you're a new listener, welcome. A little about me. I'm your host, Evan. I'm a guy in my late 40s, married to my awesome wife, Eva. We've been in the lifestyle for going on four and a half years now. And what an incredible journey it has been. And that is why I do this podcast. I want to share the experiences we've had during that incredible journey.
There have been ups and downs but overall just a wonderful amazing awesome last four and a half years you can always go back way back to my earliest episodes if you'd like to hear about how eva and i got started in the lifestyle you know early adventures, man, have we learned a lot since. So again, thank you for giving my podcast a shot. Returning listeners, thank you as always for your support, for coming back and making me feel more significant than I actually am. Just a reminder to everyone, I am not an expert, I don't pretend to be one, I'm just an average guy here to entertain and inform.
So now, on with the show. It has been a while since I have done an episode like this. I have already done three. I call it interesting and infuriating interactions. As I've mentioned many, many times on this podcast, Eva and I are pretty shy when it comes to lifestyle events. If we don't already know you or haven't already been chatting with you, we're probably not going to approach you. You know, I'm talking like clubs or hotel takeovers, things like that. We rely on people approaching us, to be honest. Once we have chat with you for a minute or two, we open up super fast.
We are certainly not shy after a little conversation and we're certainly not shy in the bedroom, but that initial in-person stuff is just not our forte. I've heard many, many people say that the best way to meet other people in the lifestyle is to do it in person. Do it at the club, at the hotel takeovers, at the meet and greets. That may work for a lot of other people, but it really doesn't work for us. I am way, way more comfortable talking to someone behind the safety of my phone screen. And even I, we've met, I would say 95% of couples through lifestyle apps and sites.
With in mind as you could probably imagine we have had a lot of online interactions with others well to be honest i have had a lot of online interactions with others eva doesn't use the apps or sites and only engages in group chats on Telegram once she has met the couple in person and was interested in doing so. That is one of her rules because during our early lifestyle days, we wasted a lot of time chatting with people. She ultimately either ended up not meeting at all or deciding they were not a match once she met them in person.
So now she will not engage in a group chat until we have met the couple in person and know that we are both actually interested and that that is a that does not sit well with some couples admittedly as for me i'm like the gatekeeper i'm the one who makes first contact so to speak I make the introductions and I decide whether to even share their profile with Eva so we can make a decision about whether or not to pursue. So I've had a lot of interactions, and it never ceases to amaze me how a good number of them don't pan out. In fact, sometimes things just take very interesting turns.
I call them, well, I call them that interesting, or sometimes they can be quite infuriating. You see, I enjoy the safety, or should I say comfort, of remaining behind my phone screen with my on-screen keyboard. I feel like I can be myself. I've always thought of myself as a better writer than a speaker. Communicating with others with text messages, that's my comfort zone. But because of this, because of how much I use those apps and sites as a way to meet others, it leaves us susceptible to all kinds of interesting exchanges. In today's episode, I'd like to share some more of those with you.
I'd like to start off with one that happened recently that is only mildly infuriating and honestly probably not all that incredibly interesting, but I want to tell you about it to prove a point. On SDC, one of the main sites I use, you can easily see who has visited your profile. There's a tab on the bottom. And if you're listening to this, you probably already know this, but there's a tab at the bottom of the screen that it says views.
And every time you log Again, if someone has visited your profile there's an indicator a little little red number that lets you know how many people have visited your profile since you last logged in. Then if you click on it it shows who viewed it and when they viewed it. So, pretty convenient. I've been noticing that the same couple had been visiting our profile a lot.
They hadn't sent a message or anything, but they had viewed ours several times and their location was pretty close to ours it seemed to me that they were interested but Eva and I were not first of all please forgive me for saying this but they were way out of our desired age range age range he was in his late 60s like about to turn 70 and she was just a few years behind him i know what they say age is just the number and i'm sure there are plenty of really attractive really cool almost 70 year olds but but the odds of us being interested close to zero the other thing, a huge no-no for Evan and Eva, they didn't have any face pics.
So there was no way to tell what they looked like. And as I have said on many occasions, physical appearance is not the only thing that defines attractiveness, but it is still quite significant, at least to Eva and myself. But they never messaged us, so it didn't really matter. Until they did. They sent a very short message, didn't introduce themselves, just said, meet tonight for drinks and conversation. Six words. So this was mildly infuriating for several reasons. Number one, open your conversation politely, please. Introduce yourself or at least start off with an opening greeting.
Number two, you obviously didn't read our profile. And I have to say, I hate it when it's obvious that couples don't read our profile. Okay, I mean, we put in there exactly what we're looking for. You know, you got to read it so that you know, if, if we're a potential match. So I hate it when, when I know that couples don't read our profile and also if they have read it and don't care about something specific, we include in it. Second paragraph, first sentence, it says, we probably will not respond to you if you do not have face pics on your profile.
If other people out there feel differently than we do, great. Okay, you do you. But for us, we are not going to show up and meet someone blindly unless we know ahead of time what they look like. Sorry to say, but appearance has some importance to us. And number three, the third thing that made this mildly infuriating is that I had to decide how to respond. Now, I didn't have to. I mean, we specifically state in our profile toward the top one of the first things to read. We probably will not respond if you do not have face pics.
And to be fair, there is no rule that says you have to respond to anyone that messages you on a lifestyle site. You're not obligated. There's no rule that says you have to respond. Part of me wanted to be a little bit of a dick here.
I wanted to write back with something like, read the first sentence in the second paragraph of our profile but we were not interested okay that if i did that that might leave the door open they might come back with oh sorry didn't see that and then send face pics and i knew based on what they had shown in in the pics that they did include I'll see send that message. But after all was said and done, I felt like I did need to respond. I did a whole episode once where I talked about the best way to respond to couples in whom we had no interest.
To this day, I still don't know what the best way is. I have been ignored many, many times and I have never taken offense. Perhaps ignoring a message sent to you is the best way to politely reject them. Even though that may be the case, I still, for some reason, felt I needed to respond politely. I just, I did what I see a lot of people suggest doing, and that is sending a short, honest reply. So that's what I did. I wrote, hi, sorry, we are not interested. Thank you for reaching out and best of luck. Short and sweet. They never responded to that.
I have to admit though, I, I feel, I feel kind of bad here. Okay. I can only imagine being an almost 70 year old couple in the lifestyle, I would imagine that in itself is difficult. You know, I don't see many profiles of couples out there of that age. I imagine that it has been hard for them to find a match. And I also get the feeling since they had visited our profile several times before reaching out to us that they were kind of working up the courage to do so. Just the feeling, I obviously can't prove that, but after I typed that, the message to them, I felt bad.
Hopefully they know when they reach out to couples 20 years younger than them, there is a low probability of success. That would be like me trying to hook up with a 29-year-old. It's possible, but not probable. And that's actually a nice segue into my next story because it does involve a 29 year old who I was hoping to hook up with seriously, but it turned out to be an annoying waste of my time and has me wondering if it was a setup for a potential scam. I was recently invited to a telegram group featuring lifestyle people from the tri-state area.
And again, I'm in Ohio, so tri-state to me means Ohio, Indiana, Kentucky. As an introduction, I put a photo of Eva and myself. after posting it, I realized it wasn't really framed well, like our faces weren't really framed properly. The background was more prominent than I realized. So I posted another one with a caption that said, whoops, didn't realize that last photo wasn't framed well. Here's a better one. Well, the first photo got a bunch of likes anyway. One being someone with the initials DT.
Well, that same someone also replied to my caption with, It looked good to me, with a little kissy emoji. I didn't think anything of it. Fast forward to a day later. I'm skimming through posts for the group and I see a photo post from DT and she looked hot. The caption said, 29 year old female from Dayton here. DMs open. Remember what I said earlier. I know attempting to hook up with someone 20 years younger than me is most likely not going to happen. But sometimes in life, you got to shoot your shot, right? So I did.
I sent her a DM, introduced myself, sent her a few more pics, you know, just vanilla ones, of both Eva and myself. I explained that I was mostly looking for occasional solo playdates, possibly an FMF. I figured my message would probably be ignored, or at least rejected, but it wasn't. She responded that it was so nice to meet me and she was excited to receive a message from me because I seemed to be exactly what she was looking for. She called me her potential unicorn. I was like, I have to admit, I never thought I would ever be called that.
She responded that she simply meant finding a unique situation. She was hoping to find an older, married guy for some occasional solo fun. Too good to be true, right? I immediately began thinking this was a trick. I went back and saw some of her other photos, like that she posted on that Telegram page. There was no way this super hot 29-year-old was this excited to be with a short, bald, 49-year-old man. And I'll say it again, she was super hot. She was no doubt inundated with messages after her last post. I mean, she probably had dozens of guys to choose from within minutes.
Posting something like that, a single, hot, 29-year-old asking for DMs, yeah, she's going gonna get inundated with messages and i'm not stupid guys i i know how the lifestyle world works i figured this was a setup but i would play along just in case stranger things have happened i mean our our second ever lifestyle experience i had sex with a 27 year old so it happened once why couldn't it happen again we kept chatting but i was i was very careful never to let my guard down i never sent any additional photos and she never sent me any, which is strange because in my previous experiences with scam artists, they want to send you lots of pics.
They want you to be excited and eager to meet. But I never, I never received anything but polite texts. We actually had decent conversations about what we wanted out of the lifestyle. Her last question to me was this. Is your wife okay with you dating another woman? Here's my response, word for word. Actual dating? No. Not into polyamory or anything like that. Having playdates and chatting with another woman? Absolutely. We have learned it is a huge turn-on to know the person is out having sex with someone else. The reclaimed sex upon returning home is amazing.
Her response was the word OK with in caps with an exclamation point. The next day was a Friday, and I hadn't chat with her anymore, so I wanted to rekindle the conversation. I wrote, any fun plans for the weekend? Not only did she not respond, but she never even read the message. You can tell on Telegram once someone reads your message. There's these little two check marks that pop up if you don't know already. I thought maybe my explanation wasn't clear, and that her all capital OK with capital letters, that response was more of a OK, fine, I'll leave you the fuck alone.
Maybe I was reading too much into the exclamation point. I don't know. Who knows? Four days later, she still had not read my message. But I noticed that she had been on Telegram because it tells you that, too. Here we go. days later, she still had not read my message. But I noticed that she had been on Telegram because it tells you that too. And I noticed she was posting in that tri-state lifestyle group again. She was just choosing not to read my message. The good thing here is that I never got my hopes up even the slightest bit from the start.
I knew the probability of this actually leading to something was close to zero. But I figured, what the hell, I'll see where this goes. And then I sent her another message, just in case. I figured, if this was legit in any way, shape, or form, she may have misread what I said. The way I worded it, if I were reading it quickly, might suggest I was looking for something I am not. And again, I don't care. I didn't think this was a possibility. So I wrote, I wrote, perhaps I worded my previous response poorly. Yes, my wife is okay with me seeing other women, just not in a polyamorous relationship.
Neither she nor I want that. Just occasional play dates didn't get a response to that one either didn't even read the message very weird so i was kind of leading i guess i'm still kind of leaning towards this being a scam artist after a a week or two, I can't remember the exact time frame, a heart popped up on the message I sent, my most recent message. So she liked that message. Never said another word to me, never responded, but that was it. So again, still leaning towards this being a scam artist.
What they hoped for was this guy texting about wanting to get in her pants and what he wanted to do with her in the bedroom. What they got was a polite, intelligent conversationalist who didn't send any blackmail-worthy pics. No way to prove this, just my theory, but definitely a waste of my time. An annoying waste of my time.
But it really, really wasn't, since I knew what I was getting into into i guess this is a reminder that if it appears too good to be true it is probably not true all right my next story next story is about a dynamic that i do not understand i respect it as i do with all lifestyle dynamics. I just personally don't understand the thrill of it. Okay. And I know there's a lot of, a lot of people who feel differently. Okay. I don't understand why it means so much to some couples that there be a four-way group chat prior to meeting.
So let me explain what happened with this one we received a message on sdc from a very nice looking couple they were super polite and seemed to have a lot in common with us they also lived fairly close so it looked like it might be a good match the wife was the one in control of the account, so she was the one I was chatting with. She asked if we had Snapchat, and I explained that we did not. Then she asked if we had Telegram. I said that we did, and I would be happy to continue chatting with her on it.
But she wanted all four of us to chat on Telegram in a group chat she told me that that was one of their favorite parts of the lifestyle doing a bunch of sexting and and chatting and and pick and video swapping prior to meeting for the first time in person they found that uh very exciting and enjoyable kind of got them uh you know like all riled up prior to the the first meeting so i had to explain what i what i discussed earlier okay and that is that eva does not participate in group chats until we have all met in person i tried to explain why and said that we'd be happy to set up a vanilla dinner or or have drinks in the very near future i mean like i said they live close to us so i was like if you want to chat with us we can make this happen at that point you know if if everyone was still interested, Eva would be more than happy to join the group chat.
She responded politely, to her credit, that this unfortunately changed their interest level in us. Doing a pre-meet group chat was one of their favorite things to do, and it was a huge turn-on for them. So I simply explained, politely, that this was non-negotiable for Eva, but we would love to get together with them soon if they would be willing. And then, assuming it went well, we could all have the group chat that they wanted. Well, I guess they were not interested in that because they did not respond to my message and I never heard from them again.
I am not annoyed at all with what they find exciting and what they want in the lifestyle. Everyone is different, and it is important to respect all differences in the lifestyle. What turns someone else on may not turn me on. And that was the situation here. I don't have to understand it. I just have to accept it. And I did. But what annoyed me was after all that chatting, all the chatting we did, and after thinking we were such a good match, she couldn't have the decency to at least respond to my last message. Just a quick reply, like, sorry, but that unfortunately is a deal breaker for us.
Best of luck. If we see you at the club, maybe we'll make sure we say hello. Just something like that. But it was more like, you won't do what we want you to do, so fuck off. I didn't get the feeling that they were as accepting of our differences and desires as I was of theirs. Okay, one last one for today. Before I go into this one, I have to admit something. I watched the show Bridgerton with Eva. I have to admit, I really enjoy it. In the second season, I became a huge fan of the actress Simone Ashley. She is the woman of Indian descent who ends up marrying Antony.
And if you watch the show, you'll know who I'm talking about. but, um, I find this actress stunningly beautiful and it triggered a fantasy of mine. I would really love to be with a woman of Indian descent at some point, but to be very honest, I have not come across many so far in the lifestyle until about a month ago i was using the three fun app which i i don't use that app very often it's kind of like a um almost like a backup account i usually stick to sdc and sls um but i primarily use three fun and um oh what solo play options, which, to be honest, has not worked out.
But anyway, that's why I get on there usually. But I do put on the ThreeFun, you know, mostly looking for solo play, but also open to couples options. And I have pictures of their, of Eva and, uh, uh, pretty good profile description. So on that app, I matched with a couple who had seemingly Indian names.
and I usually don't like profiles that don't show face pics but my curiosity got the better of me so I clicked that like button and they liked our profile back but neither one of us began a conversation until suddenly a few days ago okay and remember this first started, the match happened about a month ago. A few days ago, they reached out to us, and it went from zero to 60 in no seconds flat. We had a very lengthy conversation, and the wife was the one texting with me, and it got very naughty very quickly.
She even sent me a short audio clip of herself saying hello with her sexy Indian accent. She seemed very eager to meet us in person and I of course had the thoughts of fulfilling this fantasy flying through my head. But there was a huge roadblock, a massive roadblock. They live in Chicago, which is about a five-hour drive from us. They said they enjoyed traveling, and they traveled a lot, actually, and wouldn't mind heading our way. Now, I've learned a lot in my almost four and a half years in the lifestyle. And one of the things I've learned is how to be cautious.
This was suddenly sounding fishy. There were some red flags. One was simply the eagerness to drop everything and drive over five hours to meet us. Another was the pics that she sent. She sent several pics of her boobs and they seem to be very different in a few of the pics. Okay. And any, any other heterosexual guy out there will agree with me on this.
When, when I say I've looked at a lot of boobs in my life i've seen a lot of boobs i can usually tell the difference between boobs in two different pictures and again and they seem to be very different in a few of the pics in one they were absolutely. In others, they were much smaller. In another, her areolas looked totally, totally different. So I became a little wary of something going on. Granted, I had no idea about the age of the photos. Pregnancy could have been a factor. You know, I'm sure that and other things could account for the size difference or shape differences.
But it made me want to be extra careful. Now, as always, I never sent any explicit photos that included our faces. The only other pics she saw were the ones included on our profile. I was very cautious. Well, we continued chatting fast and furious. Eva and I talked about it. She is an amazing, supportive wife.
She said we could plan something, if it meant uh driving a bit because she knew about this fantasy of mine but i had to make sure that this was real we have been burned before and i don't want to get burned again well the next day i decided to reach out and just casually mention that if we were actually going to pursue a meeting, we would insist that they verify in some way. A short video saying our names or a pic of themselves holding a sheet of paper with our names on it, something like that. And we would, of course, do the same. No response. Infuriating.
So I guess that means they were fake. So chatty until I mentioned verifying. I'm not surprised considering how often we have run into this sort of thing in our time in the lifestyle. But it doesn't make it less infuriating. Wasting my time is just something that just, oh, just makes me so angry. Another one, maybe six or so months ago, this one dude, part of a couple from New Jersey, and again, I'm in Ohio, messaged me on SLS, told me how much he loved our profile and how he owned an airplane so he and his wife could basically travel wherever and whenever they wanted.
He said he and his wife, who was pretty darn hot, would love to meet us somewhere someday i politely explained that eva and I weren't into that sort of thing. We were mostly looking for local friends with benefits. He asked about clubs in Ohio so I told him about the ones I knew of including Club Princeton in Columbus. He said he would try to head there soon and asked if we'd like to meet there. I reiterated what I said earlier. I was getting some really strong, pushy, douchey vibes from this guy.
He gave a lot of compliments about Eva and told me how he still hoped to see her one day because she looks like she'd be a lot of fun. I should have ended it there, maybe even blocked him, but I stupidly didn't. I thanked him for the compliments, but for a third time explained politely that we were not interested twice over the next few months he reached out with a douchey compliment man she is so incredible I'd love to get my hands on her someday man the four of us would have so much fun together things like that nothing too over the top But I stupidly didn't block him.
I simply laughed it off, thanked him for the compliments, wished him well. I figured that was the end of it. Then, last week, he messaged again. A fourth time. Dude, she is amazing. I would love to show her a good time he also mentioned something about how awesome he was in bed and that was it i don't need some douchey guy from the east coast message messaging me every month or two telling me about how bad he wants to fuck my wife. So this time I just blocked him. I was done with that.
Oh, and by the way, when I say douchey guy from the East coast, I don't mean that being from the East coast is synonymous with being douchey. Okay. I'm actually from the East coast myself, new Englander through and through. I was just trying to drive home the point that Eva and I are not interested in couples that live so far away. Whether they own an airplane or not. All right. I was going to stop there, but I got one more super quick one for you. Something that just happened yesterday. A couple liked our profile on one of the apps and I read their profile, thought they looked interesting.
I like their profile back. On this particular app, that allows you to start a chat. You know, when you match with another couple, then it allows you to start chatting with them. Last night, I get a message that reads, we are not a match based on what you have in your profile, but she is incredible. So either one of two things happened here. Either he, assuming he, could be a she, didn't read our profile until after we matched, or he wanted to match up simply to tell me my wife is hot. Either way, what the hell? OK, the lesson here, read someone's profile before you like it.
OK, make sure you would be a potential match.
okay um you know don't just look at the picture because there's so many different dynamics that you have to factor in okay if you like a profile just because you think the person's hot that may not work out based on what's in their profile they may something like they're only looking for girl on girl they may say something something like we say, we're only interested in local couples, you know, couples that live close to us, or only interested, I get this one a lot, only interested in guys six feet or taller, or only guys with a certain size dick, things like that, okay?
So make sure you read someone's profile before you click on it i know it can be uh kind of instinctive you see a hot woman or you know a hot couple and you you want to click that like button but on apps like that that's that means you're expressing interest you're not just liking the picture. You're expressing interest. So then we got matched up, and now I'm just getting this random compliment. Okay? And don't get me wrong. Okay? I mean, I appreciate it. Okay? And by the way, I responded with a polite, no worries, we appreciate the compliment. Okay, but geez, don't waste my time like that.
I mean, I really do appreciate the compliments. Eva is very hot, and I love when people say that she is very hot.
But I don't fake, you know, I don't, you know, I don't like them to, I don't fake you know i don't you know i don't like them to i don't like when people like our profile just to send us a compliment and i i truly believe that that was the case here they saw our profile hit the like button based on our appearance only then saw something they didn't like in our profile totally avoidable interested in a couple based on their appearance read their profile first okay save everyone valuable time if you are brand new to the lifestyle this is the sort of thing you can expect your own interesting and infuriating interactions.
I can almost guarantee you will have some of your own. That's all I got today. I'm sure I will have more. If you made it this far, thank you for spending the last 30 minutes or so with me. I don't even have my timer up, so I'm not sure how long it's been. But but I hope you enjoyed it and I hope you'll come back and give my show a listen again if you have any tales about interesting and or infuriating interactions I would love to hear about them you can commiserate with me send them my way or any questions comments, comments, thoughts, or suggestions.
I always appreciate hearing from listeners. You can connect with me in a number of ways. One is through my Blue Sky page. Just search for Evan Swings, and it should pop right up for you. You can also find me on Instagram, or even Kik, even though I don't check Kik very often. I don't i don't check kick very often um my username on both of those apps is evan deanson e-v-a-n-d-e-a-n-s-o-n Or you can simply email me at evandeanson at gmail.com. I believe I looking at the calendar, this is my last episode of 2025. It is the holiday season, so happy holidays.
I hope you have a safe holiday season and you can spend time with your loved ones and have some fun. Until next time, my friends, be safe, be wild. And remember, we only get one of them. So always live life to the fullest. Bye for now.
