Ep. 48: Evan Chokes

Transcript

the following podcast contains adult content including adult language i talk openly about sex and other adult topics if you are under the age of 18 or are uncomfortable listening to sexually explicit narratives please listen no further i am not a professional therapist counselor or doctor i'm just an average guy in the swinger lifestyle who likes to share his experiences. This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. Please seek a professional if you are in need of guidance or care as it relates to sexual health or alternative lifestyles.

hello again and welcome to evan swings this is a podcast about the swinger lifestyle from the perspective of a guy in the lifestyle my perspective of course i am evan I'll see you next time. Evan swings. This is a podcast about the swinger lifestyle from the perspective of a guy in the lifestyle. My perspective, of course, I am Evan and I thank you for tuning in today to hear me rant and rave about all things upside down pineapple related. If you have listened before, thank you for joining me again. I greatly appreciate my quote unquote fans.

Not sure if that's the correct word, but that's what I'm going with. And for those new to the show, I welcome you. I hope you like what you hear today and come back for more in the future. If you don't know already, I'm just an average guy, my late 40s, my wife Eva and I have been in the lifestyle for about four years now, and for the record, I am not a lifestyle expert. I'm just your normal, everyday, average guy. I like to entertain and inform with our lifestyle experiences. And I assume that's why you were here, to be entertained and or informed. So let's get into today's episode.

First of all, yes, I am back. I know my last episode was kind of a downer, and I said I may be taking a break for a while. But remember, my last episode was recorded in the heat of the moment, very shortly after receiving some very disappointing news. Usually I don't do that. I prepare for my episodes by compiling lots of notes and I basically put some time into it. I did not do that last episode. I got the disappointing news, sat down at my computer, and started recording. So everything was really fresh and raw in my mind, and I didn't allow myself a whole lot of time to process things first.

Now, I don't regret anything I said. Everything I said was true and from the heart, but I was obviously pretty bummed out. I have bounced back though, and I'm ready to talk to you today with a much more positive attitude, I'm happy to say. I'm not sure, I'm not quite sure how this recording is going to turn out though. This is actually the third time I have tried to record this episode. I have a four and a half month old yellow lab puppy. Her name is Ripley, and I love her to death. But she is a menace.

Last week, while I was recording this episode, she ran into my office, went over to the microphone cord that was plugged into my computer chomped on it once and severed it beyond repair so i had to order a new microphone cord i'm using that today and i noticed that somehow my recording settings in audacity which is the the free program that I use to record these episodes, the settings were reset. So I'm not sure how this is going to turn out in terms of audio quality. We'll see.

The second time I tried to record this episode it was bad there was something wrong with a setting that i adjusted i recorded the whole episode and then had to go back and here we are doing it again a third time if it's bad again just know if you're listening to this it may take a couple of episodes to work out the kinks and get it back to where it should be and also be warned Destructo Dog is currently sleeping if she awakens I may have to pause this recording and make sure she isn't wreaking havoc somewhere else in my house or she may actually just come in here and start barking and whining and growling because she wants to, she wants me to play with her.

Ah, the joys of a new puppy. And I'm serious. I, I'm not complaining one bit. I absolutely love having her, but she is quite a handful. Okay. Before I get into today's topic, I am going to answer a question that was asked of me. I don't get many of these, but when I do, I love to take some time to answer them. So here we go. And of course, if you would like to ask a question, I always provide my contact information at the end of each episode. I always do that, so if you're interested in doing that, you can hear that at the end. But the question was asked of me, what do you like about swinging?

That was sent to me by CR, assuming those are initials. Thank you for the question, CR. Thank you for listening. That's kind of a wide-open question. I could probably spend a whole episode about what Eva and I enjoy about being in the lifestyle. Actually, I think most of my episodes illustrate different aspects of the lifestyle that we enjoy. But I respect your question. I appreciate you taking the time to ask it. So I will give you some insight. I'll give you some highlights and my thoughts on this. I guess the most obvious answer is, well, sex. I mean, that's what swingers do, right?

Sex is highly enjoyable, so I enjoy the sex. I think one of the biggest things for me, though, is the variety. Eva and I have a great sex life. A fantastic one. But I'm going to let you in on a little secret here, okay? I see a sex therapist. I suffer from anxiety and depression. So seeing a counselor or a therapist is very helpful to me. But this guy, this therapist that I see, he's a huge help for me. Not only with the anxiety and depression, but the fact that he's a licensed sex therapist, that makes it ten times better because I can talk to him about any lifestyle topics I wish.

It's great. Any, anything that comes up that I'm thinking about, concerned about, or want to talk about, I can talk about with him. And at one point recently, he gave me the perfect analogy for swinging, and it involves oatmeal. Eva and I have a strong marriage and a great sex life. That is our oatmeal. Now, I love to eat oatmeal. We both eat oatmeal. But if you eat plain oatmeal over and over and over again, it can sometimes not taste as good, not taste as delicious as it once did. Still tastes great, still love it. But oftentimes we decide to add something to our oatmeal.

We might add some strawberries or some blueberries or maybe some cinnamon and sugar. We might try a different brand of oatmeal. You know, those instant oatmeal packets, they come in different flavors. So maybe you might, you know, maybe we might try a few different flavors once in a while. Well, that's what swinging is like. You take something you already love, oatmeal, and you're just adding something to it to make it more interesting once in a while. Something more exciting. And I'm not saying that all couples need to swing to add to their oatmeal.

That's just what Eva and I, that's just one thing Eva and I have done to add to our oatmeal. So to answer your question, that's the main thing I like about swinging. The variety. Different women have different styles. Different women have different features, different personalities. The variety enhances our sex lives. And there's more, of course. You know, I love the people, the people that we've met in the lifestyle. I love how I can be myself around them without having to worry about saying something offensive, like a, like a sex joke or a sexual comment.

I love how it has improved our social life, and how it has strengthened our marriage, Eva will tell you that has improved our social life and how it has strengthened our marriage, Eva will tell you that she finds being a swinger empowering. So lots of things we like about swinging. Oh, and one more thing, the thrill, the thrill of a new adventure, you know, trying out a new club or going to a hotel takeover or meet or meeting a couple for the first time. All that is exciting to us. It's exciting. You know, you don't you know, you're not quite sure what's going to happen.

You want to see how it unfolds. It adds excitement to our lives. I hope that answered your question, CR, and thanks again for asking. But now I want to move on to the title of today's episode. Evan Chokes. This has a double meaning, as you will soon learn. I need to preface this by saying that Eva and I are not into pain or domination in the bedroom. Sure, Eva enjoys being spanked on occasion and likes when I use a crop or a flogger. But she enjoys that stuff in moderation. For the most part, we're fairly tame when it comes to bedroom play.

I don't enjoy being on the receiving end of any of that stuff. I'm not into pain at all. And I'm not sure if I told this story in a previous episode, but one time we met some lifestyle friends of ours at a hotel for a play date. And the woman started getting really riled up and got pretty aggressive with me.

She decided to grab my balls and squeeze them hard like just squeeze the crap out of them like they were i don't know oranges and she wanted to just to juice them i don't know and i screamed like literally screamed in pain it was one of the highest pain levels i have ever experienced in my life that i remember it hurt bad it was it was quite embarrassing but also kind of humorous because eva was right next to on the bed, riding a guy while this happened. And she was like, are you OK? But just kept riding on him, just kept bouncing on his dick, just grinding away.

So that was very funny as well.

She was she was concerned, but not enough to stop what she was doing and of course the the woman felt bad too you know definitely not what she expected to happen and i think she was if i remember correctly she'd been drinking so um you know that could have played a part in it as well but we all look back on it now and we can laugh it definitely illustrates what i'm saying here though i do not like pain during sex neither does eva okay it just not our styles some people do and that is 100 fine for them not us though and i should mention not only do we not like Thank you.

Some people do, and that is 100% fine for them. Not us, though. And I should mention, not only do we not like receiving pain, we're also not into inflicting pain. Besides spanking, flogging, and paddling, we're good with that stuff. And again, in moderation. I never take that to an extreme. We know, or I know, Eva's limits. So I'm good with that.

And I don't think Eva has ever really been presented with the opportunity, but I don't think she'd be into that sort of thing either like like causing pain but anyway I'm mostly talking about extreme stuff here you know like causing bruising causing bleeding strangling choking whipping that stuff to an extreme this all ties in with an experience that I want to share with you today. If you are a fan of the podcast and have been listening to most or all of my episodes. You might remember a story I told about meeting a couple at Club Princeton in Columbus on New Year's Eve.

Well, they have actually become pretty good friends of ours. We have played with them a couple of times now and spent some good quality time with them, socially speaking. Just really cool people. Well, a few weeks ago, they hosted us at their home, and as per usual with Evan and Eva, we decided to play some sexy games. Remember, listeners, there are two main ways to get Eva's motor revved up and ready to go. and playing games we played this game where you had to answer mostly x-rated questions it was pretty fun it allowed us to learn stuff about each other's sexual preferences, and fantasies.

Now, again, we'd only played with this couple a couple of times prior to this particular evening. It wasn't like we were play partners for years and years. At this point, we're still learning about each other, learning what each other likes and dislikes. Well, it came out during the game that this woman enjoys being choked in bed.

In fact, the guy even said that they were having sex in the shower one day and she asked him to choke her harder and harder and harder until she actually blacked out for a second now i mean he he caught her and she came back pretty quick but they admittedly said that that was too far they learned from the experience and now they only do that sort of extreme stuff in the bedroom now. But as they told this story, the look on my face must have said it all. Because she turned to me and said, what's the matter? You didn't realize I was such a freak?

Well, that was actually one of the two things I was thinking. The other was, oh crap, I have not been pleasing this woman the last couple of times we have met. Can I, can I satisfy this woman? You know, choking was not something I have ever done with anyone or plan to do with anyone. I responded, well, I'm just thinking I may have to change up my game plan for later. We all just kind of chuckled a bit and moved on with the game.

However, if you know me, if you know me well, you know that I get in my own head i overthink things i let thoughts overwhelm me for the next i don't know next while it was in the back of my mind i was thinking oh crap we're going to play later and she's going to want me to choke her. I have never done that. I am not entirely comfortable with that. Can I possibly overcome my hesitation? My goal is to satisfy this woman. And if she wants to be choked to be satisfied, shouldn't I do it? All those thoughts just raced around my brain.

And normally I'm not able to put them to the side, but I'm kind of proud of myself. I did. I put the thought out of my mind and the evening continued. And of course, eventually, the fun moved into the bedroom. Things started off very smoothly. This woman is insanely beautiful and just very awesome. Her personality, she's amazing. Her man is also a stud, if I do say so myself. as a completely 100% heterosexual man. He is a stud. All four of us are on the bed, having a great time. The whole choking discussion from earlier couldn't have been further from my mind. Didn't even think of it.

I was just focused on pleasing this woman and just enjoying myself. So I'm on top of her in the middle of to her neck and says, put your hand here. I froze. My hand was on her neck and I squeezed gently. But my brain would not give my hand the signal to squeeze any harder. In fact, I became hyper-focused on the fact that I was choking this woman. Well, not really. I mean, I only gently had my hand on her neck. So I wasn't even choking her. But my brain was telling me, I'm choking this woman. My hand stayed on her neck for, I would say, about a minute. That's it.

And then the inevitable happened. I lost my erection. Completely. My brain, once again, was my worst enemy. Thrust into something I was uncomfortable doing, my body reacted. And unfortunately, I could not rebound. I tried, I could not. I choked, in two senses of the word, right? I was done for the evening, completely choked, could not perform anymore. There was just too much on my mind now. We all had a good time. It wasn't like the evening was ruined. There was plenty of sex prior to her moving my hand to her neck, but I was done.

When we were leaving to go home, I whispered in her ear, I said, next time I'll be braver. And looking back, I was very proud of myself, even though she technically initiated it. I was proud that I stepped out of my comfort zone and tried something new especially because I was not doing it for my benefit at all I was doing it to help satisfy a woman I was doing it at her request doing something she wanted me to do.

that's what I feel is my top priority like on a play date like being a fun guy you know being a fun guy and be and a fun experience a satisfying experience for the for the woman I'm with if she wanted to choke the hell out of me and beat me with a spiked paddle, well then no, no. I would have drawn the line there and not allowed that. But this I felt was a little different. I was not receiving any pain and I was doing something to her that was for her pleasure. You know, it wasn't causing me any physical pain or discomfort. I was just doing something that she wanted me to do.

We have plans to see them again in about a month and a half from the recording of this episode. And I told her that I would be braver next time so I've been kind of grappling with this a bit choking someone to the point where they're almost blacking out is not something I ever want to do with anyone that makes me way too uncomfortable I draw the line on that one but I feel like I'll be I'll see okay with like putting my hand on someone's neck, if she wants me to put it there, and applying a little more pressure, being a little more aggressive.

It's not really in my nature to be aggressive in the bedroom. I am mostly a slow and sensual type of guy, but I can, I, you know, I can be rougher on occasion. And this is being rougher in just a different way than what I'm normally used to. It's not something I want or expect to do with every woman I meet. But if it is specifically requested of me, now that I have a little bit of experience in my pocket, I think I'll be okay with it. I think I can handle it. But because this was something new and different, this particular incident was an uncomfortable situation for me. Big picture here.

I think it is good to occasionally step out of our comfort zones and try new things. And I mean that in a general sense, like in life, in or outside of the lifestyle. Joining the lifestyle in itself was a huge step out of Eva and I, like our comfort zones. And it has turned into a fantastic adventure that we're obviously very comfortable with at this point. We're, we're glad we took that step. The important thing I think is that if you try something and don't like it, then please know you don't have to do it again.

This is If you try something and don't like it, then please know you don't have to do it again. This is especially important in the lifestyle. You should never, ever feel obligated to do something you are not comfortable with. Now, if you're willing to try something once to see if you like it, then so be it. Do it. But if you feel there's little chance or no chance that you will enjoy something, then I would say don't do it. I'm going to give you a little, what I think is a humorous example here. You're about to learn something about me that may seem weird.

Might be one of those TMI situations. But here it goes. I don't like my nipples touched during sex. Ever, really. You can literally touch any other part of my exterior body, and I will enjoy it. Except my nipples. I don't know why. They're overly sensitive, yes. But I don't even like very light touching of them.

now i also know that touching a guy's nipples isn't exactly a top priority for women you know i can't imagine i can't imagine any woman going oh man i can't wait to suck that guy's dick and then when i'm done with that i'm just gonna ravage his nips i mean, I guess it's possible that there are women out there who think that, but regardless, you're not touching mine. So if a woman were to mention that she wanted to bite my nipples in bed or pinch them, that would definitely be stepping too far outside my comfort zone. But it's also something I definitely would not like.

Like I know for a fact I would not like that. So I wouldn't even bother trying it. But that's my point, okay? Stepping out of your comfort zone in the lifestyle to try new things can be a very good thing. A very good thing. You can learn things about yourself and about your partner that you may never otherwise know. But there are also things that are not worth stepping out of your comfort zone for the things that you know you will not enjoy. Sorry, my phone just went off there. So in those cases, in the situations that you know, you will not enjoy them.

My personal opinion is they're not worth it. They're not worth trying. If you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you will not enjoy something like for me with pinching my nipples, then don't even bother trying. And everyone should respect that by the way. And that my friends, that's all I have for you today.

thank you for joining me for this episode i hope you enjoyed it i hope you will join me again for a future episode as always if you would like to connect with me comments questions suggestions etc you could find me on blue sky just search for evan swings and my page should just pop right up for you or you can find me on Blue Sky, just search for Evan Swings, and my page should just pop right up for you. Or you can find me on Instagram at evandeanson, that's E-V-A-N-D-E-A-N-S-O-N. Or you can even use old-fashioned email. My email address is evandeanson at gmail.com.

I don't get a whole lot of questions, but when I do, I always like to address them in an episode like I did today. So, feel free to send anything on your mind my way. I would love to hear from you. Until next time on Evan Swings, be safe, be naughty, and always live life to the fullest.