Ep. 47: Do We Suck?

Transcript

the following podcast contains adult content including adult language i talk openly about sex and other adult topics if you are under the age of 18 or are uncomfortable listening to sexually explicit narratives please listen no further i am not a professional therapist counselor or doctor i'm just an average guy in the swinger lifestyle who likes to share his experiences. This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. Please seek a professional if you are in need of guidance or care as it relates to sexual health or alternative lifestyles.

Hi everyone and welcome to Evan Swings, a podcast about the swinger lifestyle from the perspective of a guy in the lifestyle. That would be me, I'm Evan. Welcome. Welcome to my podcast. For those new to the show, here's my quick little blurb I do every episode. I'm an average guy in my late 40s.

Been in the lifestyle for four years now with my wife Eva I am not an expert and never claimed to be just do this for a hobby I guess you'd say my returning listeners welcome back happy to have you here as always I warn you though, before I begin, I currently have a three-month-old yellow Labrador retriever puppy next to me. To say she is a handful would be a massive understatement. But after getting up early with her today and playing with her a lot, Finally have her worn down a bit where she's in a semi-relaxed state and I can sit and talk for a while.

But I may have to pause the recording should she start chewing on something she shouldn't be chewing on or, you know, getting into some other kind of trouble. She likes to chew on bones and the chair that I'm sitting on. So, you know, amongst other things. So hopefully if she does that, it won't come through the microphone. I'm not sure if you can tell by my voice, but I have chosen to record this episode after receiving some disappointing lifestyle news today. And I'm just really bummed right now. Really bummed. And I've actually never done this before. This is a first for me.

Usually I wait days, even weeks to, uh, prepare an episode after a specific experience. You know, I, I, I type up a whole bunch of notes, a lot of specifics. Um, so I don't forget to tell you particular details. And then I do my recording. And sometimes I do that literally months before I publish an episode. But I'm a teacher on summer break right now. The weather's been bad.

So I can't do the yard work I intended to do today today I figured I would sit down and record an episode with this situation fresh in my mind and this it happened about an hour ago so let me tell you all about it I mean that's that's what I want this podcast to be about real stuff stuff in the lifestyle, the good and the bad, the ups and the downs. These episodes, you know, my stories, I do them for the purpose of entertainment and information, informing my listeners through our experiences. Back in, I don't know, maybe February, we met a couple for dinner and they were fantastic.

Both Eva and I really enjoyed meeting them and we were really attracted to them and we couldn't wait to see them again. Thankfully, they felt at least partially the same way because they were willing to set up a spicier date with us pretty soon after. And we were thrilled. You know, we know they liked they like to attend club princeton in columbus as we do so we decided that that was going to be our our spicy date you know we'd meet up at the club and if and if all went well we expected it would be when that we expected it would go well we'd head head to a hotel afterwards.

They had actually decided to spend the night at the hotel while Eva and I decided to drive home afterwards. So therefore, they would be hosting us in their hotel room. And the theme of the evening at club princeton was alice in wonderland therefore i'm going to call the woman alice and the man tom why tom um i remember when i was a A kid, and I watched MTV all the time back when MTV had videos Tom Petty did an Alice in Wonderland themed video it was a song don't come around here no more so that's what I remembered So, Tom and Alice. We had an amazing time that evening. All four of us did.

So Tom and Alice We had an amazing time that evening All four of us did At least Tom and Alice Led us to believe they did It seemed like they did We met at the club And we sat at a table And just talked and laughed And Alice was Man she was looking damn fine She was dressed as A sexy version I don't know.

laughed and Alice was man she was looking damn fine she she was dressed as a sexy version of Alice from Alice in Wonderland and she had this top that that showed a lot of side boob and man did it look good it was it was hard not to stare she looked so damn hot i once again uh had my usual thoughts rush into my brain like uh how is this hot woman possibly attracted to me like you know out of my league she is just out of my league league. Let's see what else. Tom was dressed as the Mad Hatter. And Eva was dressed as this hot Cheshire Cat inspired outfit.

And me, I had the least elaborate costume, okay? I was the White rabbit, but all I did was I pinned some white ears to a black fedora and had a pocket watch and some big round fake glasses. Nothing too elaborate. Let's see, we talked and we flirted a bit. Uh, there was an interesting conversation about beards that came up. Um, as I think I've, I know I've mentioned in previous episodes, One of Eva's biggest turn-offs is long, bushy beards. Both Tom and I have short beards. We somehow got on the topic of beard softness, and Tom felt my beard with his hand, and I felt his.

Then And then Eva decided she needed to see how it felt when kissed so she kissed him and then of course I had to show Alice what mine felt like so I kissed her and that's it you know stuff like that we we had a very good time. Eventually, we made it out to the dance floor and danced a little bit. You know, lots of touching and flirting and kissing. And at some point, we all knew it was time to head back to the hotel.

uh i'm not gonna say that tom and alice were new to the lifestyle but they were newer and i i can't speak for eva but i i kind of felt like like we were uh like veteran swingers of sorts you know we we felt or i felt like we were the experienced ones here i brought our bluetooth speaker and and fun party lights um to the hotel room got out our our sexy song playlist on spotify and uh and oh and by the way as i've mentioned in previous episodes if any listeners out there would like that spotify playlist contact me and i will share with you the official evan and eva sexy song playlist on spotify anyway uh the room the room they got was a suite with a sitting area uh eva sat on the sofa and i sat on the bed with alice she was so i don't know the word uh inviting maybe, she just made me feel very comfortable.

And if you're a loyal listener, you'll know that that's uncommon. I'm usually a ball of nerves. I was worried about not being able to perform. You know, first time playing, super hot, super out of my league hot woman. You know, the usual nerves kick in for me in a situation like that.

But she, for some reason, made me feel very comfortable and relaxed and i can't remember how the play actually started but it started and it was incredible she was she was just amazing such a great kisser and such a fantastic body and and she seemed to appreciate I'll see take my time go slow I am more of a slow, soft, and sensual lover. I like to take my time, go slow, touch and kiss every inch of a woman's body. And she seemed very receptive to that style. Then, the icing on the cake, she got vocal.

and listeners, there are a lot of things that turn me on, but none I can think of more than when a woman is vocal in bed. A woman who talks and says dirty, sexy things while having sex. To me, that is so, so hot hot and that is exactly what alice did i won't repeat what she said but let me tell you no one has ever said what she said to me before and that got me to the point of no return um Then after Tom and I were both done, Eva and Alice continued playing. Tom and I just sat back and watched and loved every second of it. I suppose I need to mention something here, okay?

This is a podcast from my perspective, okay? I admittedly usually focus on my part of the story, but let me just state for the record that Eva had a great time too. Not every guy can make Eva squirt, but Tom did. It just seemed like all four of us had a blast. To prove that point, it wasn't long after that night that Alice reached out to us and asked if we could schedule another play date. Eva and I were like, hell yes. And then we got even more excited because Tom and Alice had shown some interest in playing board and card games with us. Allow me to explain for anyone new to the show.

Eva and I are board game and card game nerds. We love playing them. And we enjoy coming up with alternate, adult-oriented, swinger-friendly rules for the games to make them, you know, spicy. The two things that get Eva's motor running on a play date are dancing and playing spicy games.

And, you know, we're very proud of the sexy alternate versions of the games that we have invented so Tom and Alice seemed very interested in seeing what that was all about we set a date and that was that we kept in touch periodically the spicy date we had planned was set for I think it was about a month and a half from the the last date we had time, you know, just now just, just to put this in perspective in regard to time. Okay. Um, our date was that date was supposed to happen 10 days from now. Okay. 10 days from the date of this recording.

Well, four days ago, four days ago from today, Alice sent us a text saying how they were both so excited to see us again and how they love the idea of a game night. And she asked about venue suggestions. They said they could host, but were also willing to get an Airbnb or a hotel room. I responded that we would love to come to their place, but we were also okay with an Airbnb or a hotel room, and they could just let us know what their preference was, and we'd go from there. Four days ago, it was good to go. And that brings us to today. Just like an hour ago.

They didn't respond to that last message I sent until today. They not only canceled our date 10 days from today, but also said they no longer wish to see us again. Alice explained that they had a discussion about their lifestyle goals and decided they wanted to focus on finding local couples to play with more frequently. For the record, they live, I don't even know, an hour and 15 minutes, hour and a half from us in the Dayton area. I replied that I understood and respected their decision, but if they ever changed their minds, they knew how to contact us. And I meant those words.

I did understand. I do understand the desire to find local couples. That is actually what Eva and I have struggled with during our time in the lifestyle. The local couples we have met have either turned out to be I'll see you next time. what Eva and I have struggled with during our time in the lifestyle. The local couples we have met have either turned out to be batshit crazy insane or have flaked out on us or ghosted us.

It seems like all the couples we end up talking to or most of them, most of the ones that we end up being interested in are from the bigger cities cincinnati or columbus i get that and it will be easier for them to find local couples being near a larger city compared to us the dayton swinger scene sucks let me tell you It has been really hard in that respect. So I do really get that desire to find local couples but what i didn't tell them was just how bummed i truly am about this i i cannot put into words how much i was looking forward to our play date.

As a teacher, struggling, struggling to make it through the hectic final month of the school year. The knowledge of that play date was kind of something that kept me going. You know, it gave me something to look forward to. to just just to get to the end of the school year just to to make it to the end and then knowing that the following weekend I'd get to enjoy the company of Alice and and Tom of course well I made it I made it to the end of the school year, and I couldn't wait for our play date.

I know that loyal listeners of this podcast might think that Eva and I do lots of spicy dates all the time, considering the number of stories that I have shared. But that's not true at all. You know, we haven't had a play date since our last play date in April with Alice and Tom. We had one scheduled during the month of May, but we actually had to cancel that because we just had too much going on in our personal life. We had a death in the family. Our daughter was graduating high school. Our daughter was also having her 18th birthday. We're planning a 50th anniversary party for my parents.

Plus, you had the end of the school year. It was a crazy month. May was just crazy. So yeah, I was looking forward to letting loose and having some much needed, and dare I say much deserved, fun. And then I got that message this morning. Not only canceling, but saying they don't want to see us again. And I am bummed. I am just really, really bummed. And we only have one upcoming date on our lifestyle calendar right now. Eva and I are very selective. Very selective.

So when we find a couple we like, it means we really like them and we want to see them as friends with benefits one and dones happen okay but but it's never what we want or expect we never expected tom and Alice to be a one and and done that's for sure we really thought we had found more uh friends with benefits they are good people and it has become more and more difficult to find good people in the lifestyle and i guess i guess i should explain that i shouldn't say harder to find there's there's lots of good people out there but good people who mesh well with us is becoming harder and harder to find i texted eva at work after i received alice's message i wanted to warn her that i may be feeling down when she got home i explained why and she was just as surprised as i was we ended up having a brief texting chat because she happened to be in between clients.

And we both felt something was up. It was just odd. You don't text someone to tell them how excited you are to see them and then completely break it off four days later. It's just very odd. Eva and I have theories. Eva thinks maybe it's her. She is not much of a chatter when it comes to text messaging. Since our play date, she hadn't been on our group Telegram chat much at all. If at all. I'd have to go back and check that. She thinks that Tom may have considered or interpreted that as a sign of disinterest. And if so, that's not the case.

Eva was very interested and very excited for our next date. But we can understand if that's the way he interpreted it. But Eva proposed another possibility. One of them was that one of the two was more into us than the other, meaning one of them was taking one for the team. And this is very plausible, because again, they're kind of new to the lifestyle. And in our early stages of the lifestyle, it happened to us. I mean, we played with a couple where I was taking one for the team so that Eva could be with a dude she really liked.

But after a few dates and gaining some, you know, actual lifestyle experience, we realized that not taking one for the team was important to us.

we decided that or we realized that not taking one for the team was important to us we decided that or we realized that it wasn't fair to everyone involved so we established that rule that we do not take one for the team and we had to break it up break it off with that with that couple therefore that's a possibility that's that could have that could have happened my theory though it's this podcast against my better judgment i informed tom and alice about this podcast and they may have listened to it. Now, come on.

You've got to admit, listeners, I have told a lot of tales in 40-something episodes. I've bared my soul. I have talked about all kinds of topics, some of which make or might make those people we have played with uncomfortable. I mean, I've talked about things that most couples who get to know us wouldn't know. But by listening to this podcast, they do know.

I've talked about things like stis i've talked about separate play i mean that right there that right there may scare some people off that's a topic we have discovered uh can be really touchy with other couples a lot of lifestyle couples are against that like stead steadfast, if that's the word I'm looking for, steadfast against it. Maybe they were afraid. Maybe they were afraid that we might try to convince them to do something like that, you know, something they were not comfortable with. For the record, we would not, okay?

We would never, we would never pressure anyone to do anything they were not comfortable with. but also just all We would never pressure anyone to do anything they were not comfortable with. But also, just all the experiences we have had. Maybe it was overwhelming. Maybe it's the emotional attachment that I've talked about.

Because I do tend to get emotionally involved a lot maybe that scared them away who knows but regardless i am never telling anyone we play with about this podcast ever again ever talked with eva about that she agrees we are never never mentioning this podcast again or of course uh they could also very well be just telling the complete truth they had a discussion decided to focus on local couples only and that is most likely the the truth they seem like very trustworthy honest people but it makes eva and i wonder are we the common denominator no i think we are we seem to be the common denominator are we doing something wrong with how we go about our lifestyle business, how we act, how we talk?

This seems to be a pattern lately. In the last year, we have had several of our lifestyle friends leave the lifestyle, stop talking to us, or, like with this situation, no longer wish to see us anymore. Maybe we suck. Maybe we suck and just don't realize it. Maybe we think we are more fun than we actually are. Is that maybe the word is narcissism? I don't know. No, maybe not. That's more like power.

But maybe we think we're better than we actually are tommy lee from previous episodes if you've listened he texted us at one point to say he and his wife were leaving the lifestyle for good so long see you later and they were some of our best lifestyle friends another couple we met last summer suddenly just stopped talking to us just we've sent messages and they just don't respond we have reached out and you know said we'd love to get together again, but they don't respond. A few other long-distance couples whom we hope to see occasionally, nothing has materialized.

And then there's always Annie and Will from previous episodes, who we thought we established a good friendship with outside the bedroom. And they flat out ghosted us. So that's it, I guess. We suck. Evan and Eva suck. That's got to be it, right? Eva and I have done a lot in the lifestyle. We have fulfilled many fantasies and we have had a blast. But one thing that eludes us still is finding that group. I don't know if you can hear the neighbor's dogs. Those are not my dogs. The neighbor's dogs are barking right now. But finding that group is something that'll lose us.

We've talked to many couples in the lifestyle who have like a group of lifestyle friends that they can, you know, all go out on vacation together or, you know, just a weekend getaway or just have a big party. It's something that I've always hoped to have but now now, four years in, we seem to be losing lifestyle friends faster than we can make them. I would love to have a group of lifestyle friends who can all hang out together and go on trips together. But that can't happen if we can't maintain friendships. If people don't stay in the lifestyle, if people don't want to continue seeing us.

So what are we doing wrong? Are we dicks and just don't realize it? Or is this just, is this just bad luck? Typical Evan bad luck seems to rear its ugly head more often than not. Those are questions that I don't have an answer for, at least not yet. But as I always, always say, we learn and we evolve in the lifestyle. This latest situation has taught me something. My podcast, this podcast, is for strangers only from now on. For people who do not know Eva or myself. Or at least for people who we have no interest in playing with. So I've learned that.

And I've also learned, I'm going to try to be more mindful of the things I say and how I act. I may discover something that is leading people away from us rather than towards us. It has become very frustrating. I was just telling Eva a month ago that I was just so very content with our lifestyle options at this point or at that point. I didn't feel the need to put our profile out there and interact on all the, you know, the SLS website, the SDC website. I didn't feel the need to try and meet new couples. Now, our options have dwindled again.

but i just i don't i don't want to go through the quote unquote courtship process again with new couples. It can be exhausting. I don't want to deal with it. I reach out, they reach out, we say hello, we talk a little bit, then things start progressing, then we schedule a meet and greet, and if that goes well, then we get to the playdates. It's a process, and it takes time, and sometimes I just don't feel like I have the time. I just wish I had our established group, an established group of friends who we can just Let's do this.

like i have the time i just wish i had our established group an established group of friends who we can just meet with you know and and that's it but again we don't have that group so i'm exhausted by this i may need to do some more self-reflecting i may need some time away from the lifestyle who knows I may need to take some more self-reflecting. I may need some time away from the lifestyle. Who knows? I may need to take a break from this podcast. If you don't see a new episode in two weeks, that's why. I actually have two episodes that I've already recorded and ready to publish.

I may hold off I just I'm just kind of bummed right now this podcast has always been about offering friendly advice sharing experiences giving you guys insights to the lifestyle but now it seems like I'm the one who needs some advice Like, I need some suggestions. I need some, uh, some advising. So, so please contact me with any questions, suggestions, or comments you might have. But also if you have any advice, if you were listening to this, chances are you're in the lifestyle. And we lifestyle folks, we have to stick together and lift each other up, right?

I'll take advice if you send it my way. But I can also give it as well. So feel free to contact me with any of that. My email address, evandeanson at gmail.com. evan deanson is spelled e-v-a-nD-E-A-N-S-O-N. You can find me on Instagram at that same name. Or you can find me on Blue Sky. Just search for Evan Swings. I am on there. It'll pop right up for you. I hope to hear from you. Thank you for listening. I'm sorry this is more of a somber episode, but that's what happens. This podcast is real, okay?

It's all about the real stuff in the lifestyle, so if things are somber, you're going to get a somber podcast episode. But thank you for listening. I hope to be back with you with a much happier episode in the near future. Until then, be safe, be naughty, and remember to always live life to the fullest.