Ep. 38: A Solo No-Go

Transcript

the following podcast contains adult content including adult language i talk openly about sex and other adult topics if you are under the age of 18 or are uncomfortable listening to sexually explicit narratives please listen no further i am not a professional therapist counselor or doctor i'm just an average guy in the swinger lifestyle who likes to share his experiences. This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. Please seek a professional if you are in need of guidance or care as it relates to sexual health or alternative lifestyles.

Hello and welcome to Evan Swings, a podcast about the swinger lifestyle from the perspective of a guy in the swinger lifestyle. Me, my perspective. I'm your host, Evan, and I am half of a lifestyle couple. The other half is, of course, the lovely, the beautiful Eva. Returning listeners, welcome back. Thank you, as always, for joining me. I always like to start off mentioning my gratitude. I discovered I have some new fans, so thank you. You know who you are. Thank you for your support. And if you are new, I welcome you. Welcome to this podcast.

I hope you enjoy it, and I hope I will make a returning fan out of you. Now, my earliest episodes detail our foray into the lifestyle. If you are ever interested in checking those out, you can go back to my earliest episodes. Just remember, I am not an expert. i am just your average guy we've been in the lifestyle for three uh three and a half years and we've learned a hell of a lot about the lifestyle during that time with that in mind though i just like to share our stories and entertain with some hopefully relatable lifestyle experiences. We are not experts, Eva and I, not experts at all.

We just like to share. Today, I want to talk about solo play and an interesting story that goes along with it. I hope you'll find it interesting. Solo play, or a separate play, was never on the table for us when we first started out in the lifestyle. Both Eva and I agreed we were strictly a same-room, full-swap couple. In fact, if you go all the way back to episode 5, you can hear... We were strictly a same-room, full-swap couple. In fact, if you go all the way back to episode 5, you can hear my story about our first real experience playing in separate rooms.

And how it, frankly, did not work out well. Eva was not comfortable with it at all. But if you have listened to this podcast previously, you may have heard me say several times that things can change. Things evolve. Expectations change. Rules change. Desires change.

As we continue to explore and, you know, explore our sexuality, we found we were interested in experimenting with different things we went from only same room play to same roof play meaning you know as long as we were under the same roof you know we might be playing uh separately but we were kind of still together because we were under the same roof. And then eventually we allowed some separate play, completely separate. Now, Eva and I don't do it often. As I record this, I haven't done it in almost a year due to lack of options, admittedly, not lack of interest on my part.

And Eva, I would say, has done it four or five times in that same time frame. It has been a while, so the details I'm about to share with you may be slightly fuzzy, but our first ever experience with full solo play or separate play was when Eva went out to lunch with the male half of a couple we played with regularly. She happened to be in the area where the where the guy worked so they decided to meet for lunch after lunch they went back to eva's car in a parking garage nearby and fucked in the back seat of her car i was at work and will never forget the text i got from ev.

She sent me a selfie taken from her driver's seat, big smile on her face, and had the message, this is the face of a girl who just had a hell of a lot of fun in her backseat. I was very turned on and couldn't wait to get home to hear all about it. And it kind of took off from there. I realized I could be comfortable, well, we, we realized we could be comfortable with playing separately. We never really pursued solo play options, but we knew it was now something that was no longer off the table. And for the record, Eva fucked the guy in the parking garage with my approval. Okay.

We, we talked about the possibility of it happening and i was very much okay with it so please don't get the wrong idea and think eva would have done something like that without uh us explicitly agreeing that it would be okay there's just something something about solo play that is just so very exciting to us. And I think a big part of it is the feeling that we're doing something very naughty, very dirty. I mean, being in the lifestyle is in itself a sexy secret that we keep, you know, we keep from most of our vanilla lives. But solo play brought another element of that into the fold.

We were having sex with someone else and our spouse was not there, but they knew about it and they liked it. Thank you. We were having sex with someone else, and our spouse was not there. But they knew about it, and they liked it. It is just, it's hard to describe. It's just an incredibly sexy thing. It requires a lot of trust, though, and communication. In my opinion, for separate play to work, you have to have a lot of trust though and communication. In my opinion for separate play to work you have to have a lot of trust between you and your spouse.

You have to be good communicators and you can't be the jealous types. Jealousy would be a killer in a situation like this. And you have to trust the other person involved. There has to be trust and there has to be respect. I don't want Eva to play with a random guy that she finds on the internet. There has to be, like, I have to know the guy well. Eva is, of course, the love of my life, and her safety and respect towards her are of the utmost importance. Therefore, it can't be a random guy I don't know or hardly know.

It has to be someone who is either part of a couple we have already played with or someone with whom I have a damn good established relationship. It has to be someone who respects me. I'm not loaning out my wife for any guy's pleasure. I am allowing my wife to experience a sexual adventure she wants to have with him. Although I'm not there, I'm a part of it. So you got to respect me. This was an issue that came up in September of 2024.

I had just had knee surgery and was planning to be, you know, out of commission, you know, regarding the lifestyle for for a while i was thinking four or five weeks i was all set during this time to let eva have a solo date with a dude half of a couple who we have played with in the past several times but But I changed my mind. There are some other factors here that are involved that I'm not going to bore you with. You know, those details, I'm just, I'm going to leave out.

But if I agreed to let her play solo with this guy guy this particular guy neither one of us Eva or myself could play with anyone else like any other couples for five weeks long story involving the dude's wife with medical issues I don't want get into it. But I changed my mind about her doing this solo date, not only because my knee recovery was much faster than expected, meaning I didn't need to take a lifestyle break for four or five weeks like I thought, but the main reason why I changed my mind is because I felt like the guy didn't respect me enough. Thank you.

But the main reason why I changed my mind is because I felt like the guy didn't respect me enough. He and his wife did all the chatting with Eva. In fact, it was mostly the wife. The guy never reached out to me. He has never even messaged me once in his life. And for me to feel comfortable with Eva doing something like this, I need that feeling of respect and security. Warranted or not, that's what I need to feel. He should appreciate the fact that I am, you know, allowing my wife to do this. And I'm not saying he needed my permission. Okay.

You know, Eva is her own person, but it would have been, it would have been nice to chat a little bit and have some assurances. I told you, I haven't played solo in about a year when I did. And his wife and his wife and I worked out the details for our play date I sent a message to the husband I thanked him for putting his trust in me I assured him that I would be nothing but respectful and would keep his wife safe and I said that said that if at any point he felt even the slightest bit uncomfortable, he could call or text me. My phone would always be on and we would call it off immediately.

No questions asked, no hard feelings. I am not sure of the proper etiquette in this type of situation, but I believe what I did was the right way to go about it. On another solo date that Eva had, the dude texted with me ahead of time, and we chatted a lot. I actually consider him a fairly close friend of mine. It made me feel comfortable. You know, it made me feel that Eva was going to be safe with this gentleman. I did not get that feeling in September of 2024.

And that led to some tension between Eva and myself myself in the end however she she understood my point of view she did and the date never happened and by the way um my strong feelings about that Eva is a little more lax about it. My my strong feelings about that eva is a little uh more lax about it my uh solo my last solo date that happened almost a year ago um we had not played with that couple before it was this was like a first time thing and eva was fine with that so you, different people have different opinions, different comfort levels. And that should be respected.

I've said it many times before, okay? The lifestyle is a woman's world. It is so much easier for women to fulfill their fantasies than men. I guarantee you that if Eva wanted to have a solo date and I was okay with it, Thank you. women to fulfill their fantasies than men. I guarantee you that if Eva wanted to have a solo date and I was okay with it, I could have a date for her planned in 15 minutes, either by texting one of our lifestyle friends or by posting something on one of the lifestyle sites or apps that I visit. It would be so easy. For a guy like me, though, not so easy.

Since Eva has had multiple solo dates in the past year, and I haven't had any, I admit that I have been hoping for one. I thought I had one lined up in late december 2024 but that never materialized i messaged a lifestyle friend of ours about it and he said he was good with it and she was good with it i proposed some dates but it just never materialized i was disappointed eva was out of town and had essentially given me a hall pass. But I just had no way to take advantage of it. Shortly after that, so now time frame wise we're up to January 2025. I thought I found someone.

And that's my story for you today. A woman contacted me on SDC, which is one of the two main sites we use for finding lifestyle connections. She was very well versed, very polite. And she was in a situation that we don't run into very often she and her husband had had plenty of lifestyle adventures but he no longer wished to participate he wanted his wife to go out and have all the fun she wanted. I'm still foggy on the definition of a hot wife, but I believe that's what this situation was.

She was bisexual and wanted to find couples for both threesomes and a guy able to play with her on solo dates. I was sold almost immediately. Let's start off with her appearance. She seemed very cute. not drop dead gorgeous not supermodel-looking, not slutty-looking. You know what? I would not even call her hot. I would just call her cute, very pretty, attractive.

But I was honestly judging her appearance through a collage of photos that she sent me it was about the it's hard to explain about this uh about the size of a normal profile pic but it had like 12 different little photos so it was hard to zoom in on and really get a good feel for what she looked like. But I could tell she was cute. And then, what really got me excited was that she loved hockey, and somehow, one of my favorite movies ever, Tron Legacy. Don't judge me, okay? I'm a geeky sci-fi nerd, and I own it. I'm proud of it.

So here was this cute woman who enjoyed sci-fi movies and could actually quote Tron Legacy. Very few people I have ever met could do that. She enjoyed watching hockey and was looking for someone for FMF threesomes and solo play. I showed Eva the pics and our messages, and she was good with it too. Now, she wasn't over the moon thrilled with doing another fmf we have only done one before to this date and she enjoyed it wasn't like she disliked the experience but she would much rather have um another guy involved you you know, a full swap situation.

But that said, Eva said she would definitely be on board with this. She knew it would make me happy. And again, it's not like she wouldn't get any enjoyment out of it. She would, it would be fun. I relayed all this information to this woman who I will call Abigail. I was very upfront and honest with her. I told her that Eva and I were happy to meet her and that if things went well, Eva would be happy to do an FMF.

But I was primarily interested in finding a solo partner like that was the main thing that attracted me to this situation and Abigail was good with this we we were really hitting it off we were having lengthy conversations over text message about all kinds of topics Let's do this.

hitting it off we were having lengthy conversations over text message about all kinds of topics eventually the topics turned spicy as they always seem to do she told me about uh some of her other sexy adventures like like meeting up with uh eight other women for like a nine person all women orgy party and then that same night because she wanted to be completely fulfilled uh meaning you know by a man she met a guy at a hotel along with her husband that same evening for an MFM.

She talked about meeting a guy at a restaurant for lunch one time, very similar to what Eva did, thinking it was just lunch, but then they decided to go on a hike after that and ended up having sex in the woods by a stream. All this was very exciting for me to hear. Like I was super excited to meet her. Abigail and her husband, they have a rule. Even though her husband wasn't joining in the playdates, he would insist on being at any meet and greets. And I love that about him. Protective of his wife. Wanting to make sure she was safe.

so we decided to meet at an applebee's for dinner one evening and all this took place by the way in about um about So we decided to meet at an Applebee's for dinner one evening. And all this took place, by the way, in about two weeks. So things moved fairly quickly. She had sent a couple other pics during that time, but nothing revealing and nothing that made me think she was less than attractive. The night of our dinner date arrived, and Eva and I, we showed up at the restaurant, and we met them there, and I will be honest here, Eva was a little annoyed.

It seemed that Abigail did not put much time into her preparation, physically speaking. Eva, as always, wanted to make her best impression. she she did her hair made sure her makeup was spot on put on a sexy but not overly sexy for Applebee's top that accentuated her her boobs and put on jewelry abigail seemingly wore no makeup and wore this frumpy sweater this frumpy bulky sweater i want to reiterate though okay wearing makeup is not a necessity we know others in the lifestyle who wear little to none and look damn good.

But Abigail's face looked different from the few pictures she had sent to me. Deep bags under her eyes. She just did not look like someone who was on a lifestyle date intending to impress someone. Eva and I, whether it's the correct way to go about this or not, we always dress to impress. We put forth the effort. So Eva was admittedly annoyed.

She felt like she put in all this time to look her best and Abigail did not but there's a big but here Abigail was getting over the flu therefore I gave her a pass she may not have been looking her best but I know from experience how the flu can drain you. I mean, it can knock you on your butt big time, and it can take a while to get back. I assumed she was still recovering and was not looking completely healthy, not looking 100% just yet. We had a great time at dinner, though.

We talked hockey, her favorite team versus my favorite team we talked about Tron Legacy and other sci-fi movies and her husband was great by the way okay kind considerate funny charming all those things we left the restaurant, Eva said she wasn't really feeling the, she wasn't really interested in the FMF anymore. She would do it for me, but that was it. I, of course, told her that I didn't want her to do that. But she also said I was free to see Abigail on a solo date if I wanted. She was still cool with that. And she was actually very excited for me.

She knew how exciting I find solo dates to be. And how, a year ago, it really ended up turning her on. I remember coming home from that date and she wanted to tear my clothes off and hear all about it. Therefore, it was a go. I kept in touch with Abigail and another thing that excited me was the fact that she apparently really wanted me. That is an amazing feeling. When a woman outright tells me how bad she wants to fuck me, I was flying high. She said that she had her house to herself after work one day the following week. She said her husband would be away on a hunting trip.

So she wanted to know if I was interested in stopping at her house after work. Excuse me. That was another thing I forgot to mention. Okay, she lived in the Dayton area like us. A local woman who wanted to have sex with me and was up for playing with me solo. I was on cloud nine. then two things happened that led to this quickly falling apart. She revisited my profile on SDC. And on SDC, you can have a private folder with a password. So only people with that password that you give them the password for can view those photos.

I had given her my password so she was now able to see a little bit more explicit photos of Eva and myself. She said she noticed Eva was shaved. You know, downstairs. She explained she was not. And asked if that was a deal breaker. Listeners, I am sorry to say.

But I am just not a big fan of an untamed bush now we all have our things guys um eva's thing is long beards okay not attracted to guys with long beards um not attracted to a particular hair color not attracted to face and neck neck tattoos not attracted to ear gauges we all have our things and that is unfortunately one of my things trimmed up is fine but when a woman leaves things completely as is i just unfortunately don't find that very sexy. And I'm going to be pretty vulgar here and I apologize, but you, you know, I try to make this podcast as honest as I can. So I'm just going to say it.

You know what I also find completely unattractive? Hair on the backside. Again, I'm just going to say it specifically, butthole hair. I find it very unappealing. I'm sorry to say. eva waxes hers and i have never been with another woman in the lifestyle in the lifestyle who didn't femscape or whatever you want to call it back there when abigail told me about this i was a little worried now she ended up sending me a close-up shot of her downstairs region. She didn't have to do that. I didn't ask for it, but she was trying to be forthright with me, which I appreciated.

And she asked if this was a deal-breaker. I wanted to say it was. I thought if she left things au naturel downstairs in the front, it was almost definitely the same way in the back as well. But I thought to myself, Evan, are you really that shallow? It's been almost a year since you've enjoyed a solo date, something that excites you very much. And here you have someone practically throwing themselves at you. Can you get over this? I decided I could. I told Abigail that I indeed preferred things trimmed, but it wasn't going to be a deal breaker.

And we continued chatting and planning for our date, which was at that point about a week away. I was already having second thoughts, as you just heard. Then came the deal breaker. She texted me one morning and told me that she had bought some new lingerie and swimsuits. She was going to do a photo sheet for me and send me pics.

Her and her husband were heading down to Mexico the next month and so she had bought these swimsuits and lingerie and I was going to be the beneficiary of her trying them on I was like hell yeah send them my way question for you listeners out there if you were doing a sexy photo shoot for someone you plan to have sex with for the first time in the very near future wouldn't you want to look your best Let's get started.

someone you plan to have sex with for the first time in the very near future wouldn't you want to look your best wouldn't you want to i don't know maybe throw on some makeup maybe do your hair nice maybe wear some jewelry. Anything to make it look like you felt it was important to impress the guy that you were hoping to have sex with in the very near future. I can't tell you the amount of time Eva and I, Eva especially, the amount of time we spend preparing for our playdates, and even for our meet and greets. Abigail did not show the same attitude.

Her appearance at the restaurant, which I assume was due to her getting over a bad bout with the flu, hadn changed much and she seemingly did not even do her hair it looked like it had never been brushed that day it honestly looked like she just woke up she seemingly didn't wear any makeup for, this big photo shoot she was sending me. I don't think I'm a very shallow person. I mean, look at me. I mean, I know you can't look at me, but picture, picture this, all right? I am short, I am bald, I can't work out anymore due to injuries.

I have a scar, too dense, and a blotchy looking birthmark on the back of my head. I am not, I'm not exactly the world's hottest male specimen here, okay? But I put forth an effort. The bottom line was I found myself no longer attracted to this woman. She was kind enough to do this photo shoot for me, modeling swimwear and lingerie and even one naked shot from the side.

And I felt nothing, no excitement excitement no longer any attraction no longer a person that I wanted to touch and kiss and caress and do more stuff with I thanked her for the pics I sent a fire emoji or two I was very polite but. But then I did some thinking. We had really hit off with our text messages. She was down to fuck. Next week. I had been nothing but excited. And now I had some thinking to do. I slept on it. I talked with Eva about it. I talked with another lifestyle friend of mine. Got all their advice. They were thinking the same thing I was thinking.

This was not going to work out. This was not something I should try to force for the sake of having a solo playdate with someone. I needed to end things right away, nip them in the bud now, and not let them spiral into anything worse. I was honest with Abigail without being overly specific I certainly did not want to hurt her feelings she was a really she is a really nice person and seemed like she would be a lot of fun just not my cup of tea, I guess, physically speaking. It really sucks because I could tell she was excited about being with me and I was excited too.

Hell, Eva was so excited for me because she knows how much I enjoy separate playdates and knows that I'm a bit envious that she has plenty of options currently for solo play. She was crossing her fingers for me. Really hoped it would work out. Alas, it was not meant to be. Abigail was very nice about it, by the way.

Very understanding and kind, as I expected her to be it would have been great it it just wasn't in the cards and that's my story for today any women out there want to play solo make this guy's day it's all good okay i'm I say that but I I'm confident that I will one day get to experience that thrill again it just may be a while we currently have a couple of couples a couple of couples that we you know play with semi-regularly i would say that they are or you know we consider them friends with benefits and although we are completely comfortable with each other and have become really good friends even outside the bedroom the topic of solo play can be a delicate one.

I've been honestly a little afraid to bring it up. I don't want to ruin the great relationship we have by proposing something that makes someone uncomfortable. Don't want and the fact is Eva has like I said other solo options right now she says she doesn't want any more you know she doesn't need any more nor does she want to be put in the awkward position where I indicate a desire to play solo with the wife, but Eva has no interest in playing solo with the dude.

Actually, if I'm being honest here, one of the couples, friends of ours, we have discussed it and agreed that it's on the table, but that's all it is, on the table. Not something we have actively pursued, not something we're trying to force into the great relationship we currently have. It can be a slippery slope, and I think we all just want to be careful. Friendship comes first. And that's all for me today. If you made it this far, thank you so much. I hope you enjoyed it, maybe even related to it. I'm happy to answer any questions you have. In fact, I forgot.

I have one question to answer from a listener. Jordan P. Thanks for the question. He asked, do you guys ever go to house parties? I would like to hear more about those. Sorry to say, Jordan, thanks for the question. But and that's the first one I've gotten in a while. So thank you.

But we we have only been to one house party in our three and a half years in the lifestyle and it was okay i did do an episode about it it's called surprise sex party you can look that up eva and i don't really have an interest in them showing up meeting new people and then having sex with them at the party not really our thing now what would be our thing I'll see you next time. meeting new people, and then having sex with them at the party, not really our thing. Now, what would be our thing is a house party with only guests who we have played with and are interested in playing with again.

Now, that would be awesome. But, number one, we don't know all that many couples who would be up for that. I'm assuming. I haven't really asked. And number two, finding a bunch of couples who all get along and all find each other attractive and are all willing to play with each other that seems like a daunting task i would love love to have that happen but that would be very difficult to arrange maybe someday i've actually told eva that i would love to host a party at our house once our last kid moves out.

We have a small but five bedroom house with a game room in our basement that also has a futon couch. So lots of places to play. But again, pulling that off would be tough. Still hoping though. and we know there are people out there that have been lucky enough to find that group of lifestyle friends where everybody is just willing to to do everyone else everybody is happy to play with everyone else it just hasn't happened for us yet and i'm I'm not sure it ever will. It's a tough thing to find I think. And anybody who has that dynamic right now. If you have that group of friends.

Where everybody is attracted to each other. And you can all play together interchangeably. Man. I'm jealous of you. And you should consider yourself very lucky because that's awesome. Keep your fingers crossed for us though, Jordan, maybe one day. And thanks again for the email. And that's actually a nice segue into my conclusion here. I appreciate everybody listening today.

If you would like to send me an email, you know, a question, a comment, comment suggestion you can do so by emailing me at evandeanson at gmail.com that's e-v-a-n-d-e-a-n-s-o-n at gmail.com you can find me on instagram as evandeanson or search for my Blue Sky page. Just search for Evan Swings and my page should pop right up for you. I would love to hear from you. Until next time, be safe, be naughty. We'll see you back here in about two weeks. Bye for now.