Ep. 33: Sextortion

Transcript

the following podcast contains adult content including adult language i talk openly about sex and other adult topics if you are under the age of 18 or are uncomfortable listening to sexually explicit narratives please listen no further i am not a professional therapist counselor or doctor i'm just an average guy in the swinger lifestyle who likes to share his experiences. This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. Please seek a professional if you are in need of guidance or care as it relates to sexual health or alternative lifestyles.

Hi, everyone, and welcome to Evan Swings, a podcast about the swinger lifestyle from the perspective of a guy in the lifestyle. I'm your host, Evan. I swing with my beautiful wife, Eva. And man, I really wish I could show you how beautiful she is. We've been in the lifestyle for about three and a half years now. And I do this podcast to entertain and inform and I hope I succeed, especially today with this episode. If you are new here, welcome and I thank you for giving my show a chance.

I usually start by saying that if you are interested in hearing how Eva and I started our lifestyle adventure, you should stop listening now and check out some of my earliest episodes. The first five or six tell that tale. But if not, I'm glad you are here and hope you enjoy this episode and hope that it will leave you wanting to come back for more. To my returning listeners, thank you as always for coming back and listening and making me feel like what I have to say is actually worth listening to. Way to boost my ego. Today, I have a very important show for you.

Like I said, my intention for creating this podcast to begin with was to both entertain and inform. So this episode, I hope, will be very informative. It is my hope that hearing about the experience I'm about to talk to you about will end up keeping you safe and your wallet full. I've mentioned in this podcast many times how Eva and I enjoy the occasional separate playdate. it's exciting it it's naughty, and it's just a lot of fun. And it's not something we do very often.

But there are five or six different guys whom Eva knows well and could contact at any time or i could contact at any time and set up a solo date for her i don't have anyone like that anymore i had one for a while but that person is currently taking a break from the lifestyle. And I'm hoping, hoping she will want to re-engage eventually after her hiatus. So I won't lie. I'm keeping my eyes open. Okay. I'm looking. I keep hoping to find that one single lady or married lady who is allowed to play solo, who is willing to take a chance on a 48-year-old 5'7 bald guy.

Now, if you are a lady and you hear that, admit it. You are not trembling with intrigue. Most women, if they want separate play, or heck, even if they're just looking to do a four-way thing with another couple, they are looking for what my dad calls the bbd the bigger better deal they want the fit toned tall dark and handsome dude with luscious locks of hair and a chiseled jawline i I get that. Okay. I understand it. I accept it, but I keep looking and I've had my, I've had my interactions with single ladies.

In fact, my very first lifestyle interaction ever, and I've never mentioned this before on this podcast, my very first lifestyle interaction ever and I've never mentioned this before on this podcast my very first lifestyle interaction ever was with a single lady I distinctly remember it Eva and I had just made the decision to give the lifestyle a whirl and the first thing I did was get on some lifestyle apps. I didn't know which were good or reputable, but I tried out a few and I was contacted by a woman. She was from Montana and we ended up talking a lot.

Our profile must have been like fresh meat. So I think it stood out a bit. You know, we were rookies and it was quite obvious. This woman, on the other hand, seemed to be quite experienced. We established right away that we were most likely never going to meet. You know, we were realistic based on our distance, but it didn't stop her from being very flirtatious. She asked me questions about, you know, why we were trying out the lifestyle and what we were hoping to find. So we had some good conversations about that.

She claimed to be a divorced woman in a small town who was eager to meet other lifestyle men and women. And I know that sounds fishy, but looking back, I still feel like she was the real deal, but I'll never forget when she asked, she said, want me to tell you what I would do to you if we ever met? And I was like, sure. I mean, how could I turn that down? And she proceeded to write this novel of a message describing in detail every little thing she would do to me. As my first ever experience with sexting, or whatever you want to call it, I was so unbelievably turned on.

The thing she said she would do to me, and Eva. She talked about sitting on my dick and squeezing it so hard with her pussy while she kissed Eva. And sucking the cum out of my dick and swallowing every last drop, but only after I lick her pussy and feel how wet she is on my face. Graphic, I know, but that's what she said to me. So here I am, a complete rookie, and I'm getting this long, very explicit narrative about what this woman is going to do to me and Eva. And remember, when we first got into the lifestyle, the first goal, like our first goal was an FMF threesome.

So this woman was saying all the right things. It was incredible, especially as someone very new to the lifestyle. This was a new step into this into this whole new world now as time went on that of course fizzled out I mean come on a long distance lifestyle relationship with a single woman in Montana that was never going to materialize but it was a lot of fun, you know, at the time. And I thought it was, I still feel like it was a great first step into the lifestyle world. And it's something I will probably never forget.

So there was that experience and then many more, many more along the way. there was that experience and then many more many more along the way there was uh there's this one woman uh from from the dc area who somehow some way started communicating with us i can't remember how but she was 22 and married to a woman in her 60s and admittedly she was most Most of the time, I'm going definitely willing to in her words try cock again but she was definitely mostly into eva and was gorgeous. OK, and she she even chat with with Eva, like Eva joined the week. We had a group chat.

And so she chat with both of us fairly regularly. There were lots of pictures exchanged and apparently she was very interested in meeting us one day. The thing was, her wife knew nothing about this. She knew nothing about us. She didn't admit it, okay, but this girl seemed to be really unhappy. And I shouldn't say unhappy. Never mind. I should say unsatisfied. So she was looking to basically cheat on her wife. So there was a little bit of a moral dilemma with Eva and myself. We didn't really want to be the side pieces of someone who was cheating on their spouse. This is a test.

with Eva and myself. We didn't really want to be the side pieces of someone who was cheating on their spouse. But at the same time, we thought, you know what, she's an adult making her own decisions. And at the time, we were very eager to, you know, find a willing woman to fulfill my threesome fantasy. So we you know what we'll keep chatting and see where it goes we exchanged a lot of photos and had a lot of fun and to this day I really think she was genuinely serious about meeting us despite the distance but ultimately that whole situation fizzled out too.

She kept saying she wanted to come out, you know, to the Ohio area, but couldn't get away from her wife. And that was a believable excuse. But it was probably for the best.

You know, looking back, it was probably for the best you know looking back it was probably for the best we really didn't want to be the cause of a broken marriage eventually the chats became fewer and far in between and then ultimately they stopped so it's i would say time of this recording it's been over a year since our last message with her man was she gorgeous though okay so those were two decent interactions that I've had with um single women or you know women who um expressed interest interest in playing without their significant other. But there have also been the not-so-good ones.

Usually, they involve me getting ghosted and left wondering, was I even talking to a woman after all? You know, maybe, you know, maybe it was a guy, most likely a guy. You know, there was this supposedly single woman who wanted lots of photos of me ejaculating on Eva's body. and then suddenly, she stopped being so chatty when I asked her for a video where she said our names. So all of a sudden, that ended.

And then my previous episode, where I mentioned Nina, if you remember, I talked about her in a previous episode, and she seemed like a legit single woman, you know, we even made it to the point of setting up a meet and greet at a restaurant, but when I tried to finalize those plans, she conveniently wasn't checking her kick messages. Then a day after, she wrote something like, sorry, I don't have my phone notifications on and I didn't think to check kick. So I called her out on her BS and never heard back from her. So there have been plenty like that as well.

but nothing can compare to what I experienced recently in something that can often be referred to as sextortion. eva had a solo date set up um this was back in uh september of 2024 and that's a whole other long story, but I'm not sure I can share a lot of that story with you without accidentally painting my wife in a bad light. It was a situation where Eva and I were just not on the same page and it created a boat load of negative emotions for me. I actually ended up really hurt. So maybe someday I can talk about that, but certainly not now.

Anyway, because at the time this solo date was going to happen, I was feeling a little left out and I really wanted to find a date of my own. But again, zero prospects at the moment. So I posted a hot date posting on SLS.

And for those unaware, there's a section on the SLS site where you can post a hot date, which is like you're posting your, your availability for a date you know a lot of them are are couples who are traveling they'll they'll state like hey uh we're in columbus for the weekend and we'd love to find a couple to hang out with or uh a dude on a business trip hey i'm in cincinnati for the week and I would love to meet up with a woman or a couple. Things like that. You know, or even just couples, looking for other couples.

You know, for as little as dinner and drinks, or as much as a sexual encounter. So, things like that. And I usually shake my head at some of the single guys I see posting hot dates on that site, looking to meet a woman that way. And here I was doing the exact same thing. But of course, no bites for this fella. But I was still looking. So I was on SLS and I noticed a new matched profile and clicked on it. You know, it was a profile on the section that that was, you know, a new match for for me.

It was a girl, mid 3030s very attractive with her location set to Cincinnati I read her profile and it looked legit well-written and interesting and she was cute but not out of my league cute. So I figured, you know, what the hell? I'll reach out. Then, my friends, I did something stupid. I don't know what possessed me to do this, but I did it. It was a mistake and a lesson learned.

In her profile, it listed her kick username so instead of just reaching out to her through sls which is what i usually would do i inexplicably decided like i thought to myself yeah i'll just send her a kick message you know i i wanted to be able to send a recent photo of myself right away. Something you can't do very easily on SLS. You know, I'm not one of those people who hide what I look like until after we start talking. So I wanted to let her know what she was working with right away. I figured she would immediately turn me down and that would be the end of it. But she didn't.

I sent her a message introducing myself, but didn't give her my real name. That's kind of important. Along with an innocent face pic. All right. So, you know, nothing, you know, I wasn't like naked on a bed or anything, which, which I've never done, by the way, I've never taken a picture and sent that to anybody. Um, it was just an innocent face pic, just a normal, uh, headshot because again, I wanted her, um, I wanted her to know what she was working with. And she responded with, hi, thank you for reaching out. You're cute. You know, maybe not those exact words.

I can't remember the exact words. And I can't go back now because I deleted the conversation. A heaping pile of foreshadowing right there. but we started chatting back and forth and she seemed absolutely legit she told me what she was looking for and i explained what But we started chatting back and forth, and she seemed absolutely legit. She told me what she was looking for, and I explained what I was looking for, too. And what made it feel more legit is that we weren't an exact match. Okay, I would think that anybody trying to fake this sort of thing would be like, oh, me too.

Oh, yeah, me too. And everything would be kind of the same. But that wasn't what was going on here. She told me some things she was into that I told her I was not into, like BDSM. So that made it feel more real. Spoiler alert, it was not real. She said she was into really hung men and asked if I qualified. And I told her I was not. I said I'm pretty average. You know, average length, above average girth. She asked if she could see for herself.

so you know average length um above average girth she asked if she could see for herself so you know not completely out of the ordinary i've had people in the past not many but i have had people request dick pics and so i i sent her a couple i sent her a couple of dick pics nothing had my face in them or anything that could link them to my face. And she said she liked what she saw and we continued to chat. And that's where I made my next mistake.

I began to believe that this quote unquote girl was kind of interested in me me she said she hoped she could meet me someday and wondered you know what kind of schedule i had she said she hoped we could you know find a date to have some real fun that's how she put it i want to you know get together and have some real fun with you now was this overly aggressive and obvious should it have been a red flag to me Here we go. and have some real fun with you. Now, was this overly aggressive and obvious? Should it have been a red flag to me? Maybe. But here's the deal. Here's why it didn't click.

I am known as a very non-aggressive person. I have trouble, as I've mentioned many times, I have trouble making the first move. I have trouble getting comfortable when I'm with a woman because I have all these horrible feelings of self-doubt. Like, is this woman really attracted to me? Does this woman really want me to touch her? Does she really want me to make a move here? So I'm very passive. And I'm trying very hard to work on being more self-confident and being more assertive. So in this situation, I thought to myself, you know, this is normal, okay?

This is how normal people with confidence act in the lifestyle. I mean, we're all in it for the same thing, really. You know, it's not out of the question that some people would get right to the point and start cranking up the sexy dialogue. I mean, those hot dates on SLS, that's what they're for. You know, people are trying to find play dates. So I thought this person was just cutting to the chase and I was good with that. And let me just say again, this was all very believable. I'm confident in saying that I'm not an idiot. Okay.

I'm not trying to brag about my intelligence, but I'm not an idiot. Well, this person knew how to text in a believable manner. Had me convinced. Definitely had some experience with this in the past. she asked me if we could facetime and again i didn't see this as a red flag either in in previous similar experiences i wanted something like this you know i wanted a video or or some kind of proof that the person i was chatting with was real and I wasn't getting scammed or duped. So I thought to myself, okay, this is good. She's attempting to verify that I'm real and that I look like my photos.

And this way I could verify what she looked like and that she was real. But I was still a little bit leery. I told her I was not quite ready for a live video chat, but I would be happy to verify I was real in another way. Like I could take a photo holding, you know, a, a, a note with, with her name on it, or I would record a quick video of myself saying her name, something like that. And I also told her that I never gave my real phone number to anyone in the lifestyle who had not, who had not, who, who I had not yet met in person.

So FaceTime wasn't even an option because I'm not super tech savvy, but I'll see you next time. who I had not yet met in person. So FaceTime wasn't even an option because I'm not super tech savvy, but I don't think you can do FaceTime without, you know, an actual phone number, okay? I mean, I could be wrong on that. Then the shitstorm happened. After I sent that last message, her next message was just a barrage. She sent about 10 screenshots and a long message containing various threats. And I honestly don't know what all the photos were. Like all the screenshots, there were about 10 of them.

And I, they, they just scrolled past my, my screen, uh, so quickly with all the photos were like all the screenshots there were about 10 of them and I they they just scrolled past my my screen uh so quickly with all the other uh texts that she wrote but I know one of them was the pic that I originally sent her you know that the the innocent face pic and I and I said it's innocent but I mean I did I did not have a shirt on so it that kind of pic. And I believe the dick pics that I sent her, she sent back. And it seemed like there were also screenshots of my SDC account.

And I could have very well been hacked. My kick account uses the same email address as my SDC account. So it is possible, with some tech knowledge, that this person could have gotten into my SDC account. But I didn't go back and check, you know, any of those picks. I didn't even bother. Because I knew immediately immediately what had just happened it had happened to a friend of ours so I knew the last thing I read was something like pay me $300 or I will release all these photos on Facebook and ruin your life then maybe something like how do you like that dude something like that Here we go.

then maybe something like, how do you like that, dude? Something like that. It seemed quite obvious to me, I could be wrong, though, that I was dealing with a guy. It was a dude, a guy very good and very experienced with lifestyle chat lingo. So what did I do? Here we go. and very experienced with lifestyle chat lingo. So what did I do? I immediately deleted the thread, blocked his account on Kik. Then I went to SLS, where I first found his or her profile. First, I reported it with an explanation of what happened. Then I blocked it.

Then I probably went a little overboard, but I wanted to be very cautious. I changed all my passwords on SLS and SDC. Then, since he threatened Facebook, I went to Facebook and Instagram and I changed all my passwords there. I also made sure that two-factor authorization was set up. I even changed my Gmail passwords and made sure two-factor authorization was set up there too. Again, was I going overboard? Maybe. But I was not prepared to take any chances. As a teacher, my career could have been ruined in seconds.

The rest of the evening, I found myself scanning all the sites and apps and checking my email to see if any unusual activity was reported. I kept thinking I might, you know, see something posted on Facebook or posted on SDC under my name. If they hacked my account once, they could hack it again, even with the new password I set up. 24 hours passed, nothing. 48 hours passed, still nothing. Then 72 hours. And now, here we are months later with no further incident. Thankfully. I went onto a lifestyle group's Facebook page and anonymously posted about this incident.

I figured I was in the clear, but I wanted to see if anyone else had a similar experience. And there were several. Just about everyone that posted said that they didn't pay the ransom, they blocked the account, and then never heard from them again. Which is what I figured. One guy was actually a former police dispatcher, and he confirmed the same. It's a bluff. A bluff with intent of capitalizing on someone's panic. When this happens, you know, the person panics, sends the money, and then the scammer has them hooked and keeps asking them for money. So it is usually a bluff.

However, there was a person I remember who said that they had explicit private pics sent to family members in a similar situation. You know, someone said that they were going, if they didn't pay, then they were going to send the photos to family members. And it happened. So it was very possible, however unlikely. You know, I have to say, I appreciated one woman's response. She said it was impossible to blackmail her. She was such an exhibitionist, she would have encouraged and appreciated someone posting her private photos. So that made me laugh.

And our friend that I mentioned earlier that it happened to, that a similar sextortion attempt happened, same thing. He told the scammer, go ahead, go and post them. I have nothing to hide and never heard from them again. As I said, I like to say that my podcast entertains and informs. The key today is the inform part. I really hope that anyone listening to this podcast learns from what happened to me. There's some bad people out there, really bad people. They want your money any way they can get it.

Usually you hear about scammers calling older people, like elderly people on the phone, and scamming them out of money. Well, as I've just told you, they exist in the lifestyle too, unfortunately. Creating fake accounts so that people like me, honest people who are just looking to have a little lifestyle fun, will fall into their traps. I believe I did the right thing once I realized that I was being tricked. I immediately blocked the account on Kik. I reported the SLS account and blocked that too. I changed my passwords to the sites where I believed the scammer was showing me screenshots.

I can't go back and check, remember, because I blocked it right away, so I can't be sure. But when my reputation and my career is at stake, I just, I didn't want to take any chances at all. And again, I probably went overboard by changing all my passwords on Google, Gmail, Facebook, Instagram. But I'd rather be safe than sorry.

Now in that lifestyle group on Facebook that I mentioned, someone said that when it happened to them, they reported it the local police i suppose i could have done that too but you know but as long as i never hear from this scammer again i don't think it's necessary and you know doing that would actually it actually might open up more issues because then i would be telling a local police officer i was a swinger i work in the private sector too so private sector i meant public sector i work in the public sector too so that probably isn't the best idea so i think I handled it appropriately and hope that anyone else who happens to get tricked will react similarly.

But I do have to admit, it did make my heart race a little bit. I could not delete and block fast enough. It's just too bad. Too bad that assholes exist everywhere. Even lurking in the relatively safe confines of the lifestyle. Mostly good people in the lifestyle, I believe. Even after an incident like this. I really do believe most people in the lifestyle, I believe, even after an incident like this. I really do believe most people in the lifestyle are good people. I usually say at this point that I hope you enjoyed this episode, and I do hope that.

But more importantly, I hope you maybe had your eyes opened a little bit. If this has never happened to you before, please learn from what happened to me. Learn from my mistakes. Even though I call them mistakes, but I don't think they were massive mistakes. They were just, I don't know. You know, like I said, this, this person was really good, really believable. And, you know, again, I consider myself fairly intelligent. I know all about scams. I've watched plenty of YouTube videos on scams and I still fell for it. This person was good. Damn good.

so so believable so please be careful out there I actually have a new rule that came out of this. I will unfortunately never contact a single woman again. If they reach out to me, fine. I'll make a decision when that happens.

I would need immediate one thing I'm gonna I'm going to look at is their friends list if they don't have any friends on the site or it looks like they just joined that is going to be a red flag stay away you know even couples You know, I think from now on i i won't even respond if it doesn't appear that they have been on the site or the app for very long some sites do offer verifications and uh some call it verifications some call it certifications, but, um, even I really don't like them because we don't want to broadcast our sexual history in the lifestyle.

And that's what a lot of those verifications and, uh, oh, I forget the other word I just used,ifications that's what they do okay you're when speaking directly about SLS you can offer a validation or certification or a verification of someone that you have met in the lifestyle so that other people know that they're real So now I kind of see how it can be helpful to avoid situations like this. Not all verifications mention sexual encounters. You know, there are plenty that just say, hey, we met them and they are real. So maybe Eva and I need to rethink our stance on that. We shall see.

Right now, the situation, I don't know. I may touch on it again in a future episode. I'm assuming that, again, I'm in the clear. Nothing's going to come of it. But I may touch on it again in a future episode. I'm assuming, you know, that, again, I'm in the clear, nothing's going to come of it, but I may touch on it again in a future episode. And if you have questions about any of this, please feel free to reach out to me.

I would totally be happy to answer them, any questions you have, and tell you what I know, which isn't much more than what we already, or what I already just talked about in this episode, but I'd be happy to, uh, offer you any advice I could or answer any questions you have. Or of course, if you have any other lifestyle questions in general, please feel free, send them my way. You can reach me on on kick if you're not a scammer or instagram by searching for evan deanson you can also email me at evan deanson at gmail.com that's e-v-a-n-d-e-a-n-s-o-n evan deanson gmail.com.

You could also find me on Blue Sky. Blue Sky is becoming my Twitter alternative, and I really like it, and more and more users are getting on it. So I've kind of made that my current platform of choice in social media. So feel free to go to Blue Sky and search for Evan Swings and I should pop up there for you. You can communicate with me that way. I hope you'll come back and listen again sometime. Thanks for joining me today. Be safe. Be naughty. See you next time on Evan Swings.