Ep. 23: The Stallers

Transcript

Warning, the following podcast contains adult content, adult language, and adult situations. I talk openly about sex and explicit topics. If you are under the age of 18 or are uncomfortable listening to sexually explicit narratives, please listen no further. I am not a professional therapist, counselor, or doctor. I'm just an average guy in the swinger lifestyle who likes to share his experiences. This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. Please don't forget to subscribe to our channel. or doctor.

I'm just an average guy in the swinger lifestyle who likes to share his experiences. This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. Please seek a professional if you are in need of advice, guidance, or care as it relates to sexual health or alternative lifestyles. Hello lifestyle friends, welcome to Evan Swings, a podcast about the swinger lifestyle from the perspective of a guy in the lifestyle. I'm your host, Evan. I am half of a lifestyle couple, the other half being my amazing and downright gorgeous wife, Eva.

We've been in the lifestyle for three years, and I always start my podcast episodes this way, by saying, if you are new here, welcome, I'm so glad you've decided to give my show a try. No context from previous episodes is needed to stay and listen and enjoy, hopefully, but I do highly recommend starting with some of my earlier episodes as they chronologically detail our journey into the lifestyle from the very beginning. For those of you returning, welcome back. So happy, as always, to have you as a returning listener.

Now, if you've been listening to my most recent episodes you'll know that Eva and I have been in a little bit of a slump or a rut is what I'm calling it just haven't been able to um make any new connections with with lifestyle couples Um, so don't really have any any new stories new adventures to share with you guys but i do have a story for you today it's um you know not recent because of the little rut that we've been in um you it has, it's definitely not been the exciting summer that I was anticipating, but that's life. So I would like to share an old story with you.

And, and I say old, but not really old. I mean, again, we've only been in the lifestyle for three years and this happened in, most recent winter time and it's kind of one of those negative experiences that we've had that I've shared in the past and I'm going to say something that I've said many times on this podcast. The negative experiences are the ones that are more fun to share with you listeners. Okay. So they're more entertaining and are often looking back. They're learning experiences. You know, we've learned, learned stuff from them. So those are the ones I like to share. Okay.

However, I want to be clear again, that the vast majority of experiences we have had in our three years in the lifestyle have been positive ones. Okay. They're, they're just not as interesting in my opinion. Okay. In, in order to share on a podcast. So the negative ones are typically the ones I tend to share. And I don't want anyone out there thinking, man, there's something wrong with this couple. Always talking about bad experiences. No, not the case. The lifestyle has been amazing for us.

And this is just one of those fun little anecdotes that, that I just thought listeners would enjoy hearing about. I'll preface the story by, by telling you about a decision that Eva and I have arrived at due to what you'll hear about in the story and in a few other experiences we are done with recommending couples to other couples or taking recommendations about other couples from other couples. So, we have recommended couples to others, you know, that we have had a good time with and we thought that other friends of ours might have a good time with.

And couples have recommended for us so far it has never worked out never for one reason or another okay so we suggested some of our lifestyle friends meet some of our other lifestyle friends didn't work out several occasions multiple different reasons that I'm not going to go into and some couples suggested we meet some others and that didn't work out those didn't work out for again a multitude of reasons this story is about one of those situations these people were recommended to us by a couple that we played with a few times and really liked. So this is one of those couples.

I found them on one of the lifestyle sites that I use. I think it was SLS and they were from Columbus. And you've heard me say this before, a majority of the couples that we find interesting on SLS or other sites, they seem to always be from Columbus or Cincinnati. And again, I'm Eva and I were from the Dayton area, Dayton, Ohio. And Columbus, Cincinnati, those are all about an hour and a half from us.

So this couple lived on the east side of Columbus, which is a little more than an hour and a half away from us you know especially with traffic considerations not the most optimal situation when it comes to distance we obviously hope to find uh you know we want to find couples who live closer to us but they had something that is getting harder and harder to find. And that is that Eva and I both found them physically attractive. Finding a four-way physical attraction is not the easiest thing in the world. Trust me.

So we were very interested despite the distance distance uh they were they were very busy people but we chatted with them off and on after our profiles matched meaning you know we liked theirs and they liked ours they seemed very nice veryth, and of course, they were very sexy looking. For the purpose of this story, I'm going to call them Mork and Mindy. Don't ask how I came up with those fake names. They really have nothing to do with their personality, nothing to do with their appearance or the situation.

Those names just popped into my head for some strange reason, so we're going to go with their appearance or the situation. Those names just popped into my head for some strange reason. So we're going to go with it. Well, we were chatting back and forth and at about that time, we had a date with some other friends of ours who lived in the Columbus area. And during that date, you know, just during conversation, the guy started talking about some friends of theirs and how they would love for us to, to meet them. They were, they were sure that we would really hit it off.

And at one point, he accidentally let their name slip. And I was like, oh, oh, my God, I've been chatting with them. I know them. So it was this big eye-opening moment. And we were all pretty excited, especially our friends, because it seemed we had just made a connection with some pretty cool possibilities for future get-togethers. Like, maybe with all six of us. So, we all told Mork and Mindy about our mutual friends, and everyone seemed pretty excited about it. Now, we really, really liked this couple.

And if they spoke so highly of Mork and Mindy, we thought this was a can't-miss situation. And we really looked forward to meeting them in person. That took place soon after. Okay, we decided to meet at a restaurant in the Dayton area. Okay. They were willing, uh, to stay out here. They, they were going to be in the area anyway. So they were willing to stay a little bit longer. So we took advantage.

we grabbed the opportunity to meet them while they were here first impressions overall good our friends thought we would really hit it off and we did we had a lovely time lots of great stimulating conversation values, their interests, their lifestyle desires, what they were looking for in the lifestyle, it all seemed to line up with ours. So it was a good time.

The only thing I will say was that Mindy did not look the same as she did in her photos she was still very attractive okay but it was very very obvious that all the pictures that I had seen so far that that she's posted all those photos that that are that are in her profile they were heavily filtered heavily i don't particularly like that by the way okay i i think there's a term for it i think i think it's called catfishing where you deliberately try to alter your appearance so your online appearance is different than your in-person appearance.

So this wasn't really extreme catfishing, but she definitely looked a lot different in person. But again, I was still attracted to her, and Eva was attracted to the guy. And for the most part, he did not look different from his online pictures so you know quick side note there when eva and i post pictures we don't use filters what you see is what you get we we want to be honest with uh the people who are viewing our profile so if they do meet us in person a situation like this doesn't happen worse.

I mean, there's been situations where we have met couples, you may have heard this in one of my previous episodes, where they look a lot different from their profile, and I was not attracted. So here was, you know, I guess we were lucky, still very attracted to her. It was almost instantly agreed by all four of us that we wanted to see each other again and that we wanted to make it a spicy date, okay? We hit it off that well. Everyone was on board.

And honestly, that is kind of a rarity, at least for us, you know, to have all four people seemingly equally enthusiastic about seeing each other again. Very rare. Well, it took a while. We have busy schedules, and so did they, so it was over a month from that dinner date that we were able to set something up to see them again. They were empty nesters, so they invited us to their home east of Columbus, and we jumped at that opportunity.

The the lifestyle as i have explained in a previous episode is very expensive and you know when when someone invites us to their home even if we have to drive an hour and a half, we'll take it. You know, hotel rooms are increasingly expensive. I would rather save the hundred bucks or so and spend a little more time driving. And that's exactly what we did. We decided to drive the 90 minutes to their home so that we didn't have to worry about a hotel. Plus, a home is way more comfortable than a hotel, at least in my opinion. You have just much more room.

You have more options for seating, a table where you can sit at and play games if you want to so yeah yeah we jumped at the opportunity to go to their house now the times involved here are very important to the story we arrive at their house at about 6 p.m okay so you need to keep that in mind because the times here are going to play a factor shortly after arriving maybe around like 6 30 ish i made my way to a bathroom and took uh my viagra so if you remember i i have anxiety i admit it and i never want to ruin an evening because i can't rise to the occasion okay you know people they're putting time and effort into this the woman is expecting a good time i want to deliver so even if i don't technically need it i want to want to make sure.

So as a precaution, I will always take an ED medication as a precaution. And that, again, was somewhere around 630-ish.

We had already had an early meal, so we were there to hang out and hopefully play all right so in my mind i figured we'd probably hang out play some games for an hour or so then the naughty fun would begin and viagra can take about an hour to kick in so i figured i was playing this perfectly and again i want to remind you of the time okay we arrived around six and we showed up with a large bag of board and card games eva and i are board game and card game nerds so we have plenty and mork and mindy expressed a high level of interest in playing some games with us i mean it was talked about a lot in our in our chats and i mean we're coming to their house so what can what can two lifestyle couples do at a home besides have sex talk yep play games yep but what else is there if there was a hot tub or pool you can swim If there's a pool table or darts, you know, you could do those types of things while you talk and drink and hang out.

But there weren't any of those things. You're not going to sit around and watch TV or movies because obviously you're there to interact. So, in our opinion, playing board games or card games seemed like a great option. Well, we got there. We set the bag of board games down and that was the last they were touched until the evening ended. And I know what you might be thinking.

Oh, things escalated quickly and we jumped right to the bedroom so that's why we didn't touch them again no we did not almost the complete opposite when we arrived we started talking at their kitchen island and that's where we stayed for two and a half hours. We just talked. And I'm not complaining about the conversation. It was decent conversation. Not complaining about that at all. But there were only two chairs at this kitchen island. There was a kitchen table with six chairs, only a few feet away from us.

You would think that at some point they would have offered to move to the table to sit and chat or to a living room with couches and love seats or something like that. Nope. We were just standing around the kitchen island. Eva finally got tired of standing and sat in one of the chairs, one of the two chairs that were around the island. It was kind of like a barstool type thing. And then Mork sat in the other one a few moments later.

Mindy and I, we just stood and we just leaned and we were at opposite ends of the island so there wasn't even any uh of that like sexy casual contact that could possibly happen no we just talked and talked and they're very nice people and we enjoy talking to them but we were we, we were not really comfortable, I guess. And they made no attempts as, as hosts to make us more comfortable. I mean, if I had somebody leaning around my kitchen Island for an hour, I mean, probably even less than that, but let's just say an hour.

I'd be like, Oh my gosh oh my gosh I'm so sorry let's sit down no and we stayed there for over two hours then there was their dog Eva loves dogs I really love dogs I am a dog lover through and through so when their dog came bounding in to greet us when we arrived, I was very happy to pet and play with this dog. But even I have a limit. I was there to spend time with Mork and Mindy, not their dog.

Well, this dog would not leave me alone he was an in-your-face type of dog constantly wanting to play uh jumping up on me with his paws and he like repeatedly brought me this stuffed toy that got completely drenched with dog drool. And I made comments about this. I didn't want to, you know, I didn't want to be mean. And I didn't want to be like, go away, dog. I just, I'm not like that. So I tried to make like hints that I was ready to be done with this dog. But this went on for over two fucking hours.

At some point, any good host would have offered to pen the dog up or offer to move us to a different location without the dog and again i love dogs i love petting them hugging them kissing them playing with them but i was not there to play with the dog. I would say after 30 minutes, I had my dog fix. Okay. I I'm done playing with your dog now. Now let's have some human interaction time, but that never happened. And that, that dog did not get tired.

Let me tell you did not get tired eventually he ended up laying down by my side and I was able to, uh, avoid interacting with him for a while, but we just continued standing, not sitting in a kitchen, just talking and occasionally being pestered by a super friendly dog for about, I would say about 90 minutes. And that's when Eva decided to get things rolling and said, why don't we play a game? You may think I'm lying when I tell you this, but I am not. Eva's comment was completely ignored.

It was like Mork and Mindy didn't hear it but I'm telling you they had to but they just pretty much ignored the comment and just kept talking about random shit and that was about 90 minutes in and then Eva again said something maybe I don't know 20 minutes later So let's play a game. And at that point, we got, Mork said, yeah, we can do that. But then just kept on talking about other random stuff. It was insane. So I would say two and a half hours. I may be slightly off on that, and I may be exaggerating, but it certainly felt that long.

So I'm just going to say after two and a half hours, Mork asked us, Hey, do you want to go upstairs? Meaning to their bedroom. Eva and I were like, hell yeah, let's finally get this party started. And we were led upstairs to their bedroom, without the dog, thankfully. What was interesting about their bedroom, besides a cool assortment of party lights, was that they had a small stage, kind of like a little platform in the corner. On that stage was a microphone on a microphone stand. I'll see you next time. Kind of like a little platform in the corner.

On that stage was a microphone on a microphone stand. You see, Mindy was a singer. She loved to sing. So I guess their bedroom doubled as a recording studio slash rehearsal area., we were invited to get up on their large bed with them. Not to play, but to talk more. Eva and I were, we were under the impression we were about to play. We were going to their bedroom, we were about to play.

But it seemed Mork and Mindy were not ready maybe not comfortable yet I'm not sure but we wanted to be respectful you know we understand people move at different speeds so we just went along with that and we all got on this bed but they got on first and and they sat across like like they sat next to each other across For more information, visit www.fema.org in this bed but they got on first and and they sat across like like they sat next to each other across from eva and me so still no touchy feely flirty opportunities we talked for i would say another hour and then it got even weirder.

Without any warning, Mindy gets up, changes into a sexy outfit, which I liked. But then she headed to the stage to start singing. She performed three songs for us. She was very, very good. Excellent voice. But we were not in her bedroom for a concert. But we showed respect, applauded, complimented her. And then when she returned to the bed, Eva had covertly switched spots. So now she was sitting next to Mork and I was sitting next to Mindy. Finally, we're getting somewhere, right? Nope, more talking. Now, I never make the first move and it seemed like neither Mork or Mindy were going to.

So that put the job on Eva, always the hero. I got to hand it to her. She was giving it her all. I mean, she flat out asked the guy to kiss her, which he did, but then pulled away and started talking again you know we thought that was gonna jumpstart it and and she she flat out said I hope you're gonna fuck me soon something like that and it can't get any more blunt and obvious than that, but we just kept talking and I was getting irritated. You know, it was, it was now, it was now around midnight and we still had a 90 minute drive home. We had been there for almost six hours, six hours.

Yeah, six hours. I was, I was ready to either get to business or go home. I pretended I received a text message on my phone and instead I typed, I am ready to leave. Then I, I showed it to Eva. I, I, I pretended it was a text from our daughter. She sensed my irritation and decided to, to take further action. I mean, I, I love Eva's attitude. Okay. She has the attitude of a shit or get off the pot, but I was starting to get really annoyed and aggravated. Okay. This was not a couple who did not have lifestyle experience. They have played before. They have swapped before.

So this wasn't like they were super new to all this. I don't know why they were so shy and stalling so much. But because I was getting so annoyed and aggravated, my mind was no longer focused on playing with this woman. It was more focused on, I cannot believe it's so late and nothing has happened and we've just been talking this whole time and I still have to drive an hour and a half to get home. So I was quite annoyed. So I was ready to go. But I guess Eva wanted to make one last ditch effort.

So, and I want to say again, okay, I want to make it clear that we were not taking advantage of this couple in any way. Okay. They had, like I said, played with other couples and we had discussed what was going to happen that night this was not a surprise that we were expecting to play with them so I really think it was just extreme shyness which is why Eva took control when Mork didn't take the bait with her very blatant advances she did the next thing. She just leaned over and started kissing Mindy. And Mindy was receptive to it. So that seemed to get the ball rolling.

So eventually, clothes started coming off, finally. But the way things were going, it seemed almost a foregone conclusion that this would not end up being a great night. I could not perform. I could not get hard. And there were three factors that I think contributed to this. Number one, I was annoyed, no longer focused. I wasn't really in the mood anymore. Aggravation, irritation, that kind of sucked the sexual energy out of me. Number two, I had taken Viagra about five and a half hours prior, and I think it's supposed to last four to six hours. So I think it was wearing off.

Who would have thought we would still not be playing five and a half hours later? And then number three, she did not do anything to help. Now, I can't say this for sure, but I believe the term is pillow princess. And I could be wrong on that, okay? But if I'm right, she was a pillow princess to the extreme.

When I say she just laid there, she just laid there, did not move, didn't attempt to change position, didn't even touch my dick or anywhere else for that matter, didn't attempt to kiss me anywhere other than my lips, which I was initiating because i was kissing her i was touching her all over touching her boobs uh sucking on her nipples fingering her giving her oral kissing her all over and she literally just laid there she did not help me get aroused at all. And then the icing on the cake. Mork could not get hard either. He apologized and he claimed it was nerves. And I believe him.

The way the evening went, I had no doubt that he was nervous, no matter how awesome Eva was with foreplay. And Eva's amazing in bed, amazing kisser, amazing with her hands, amazing with her mouth, but he just wasn't feeling it. So yeah, the ladies were on a bed with two limp dicks a short time later it was just obvious to all that So yeah, the ladies were on a bed with two limp dicks. A short time later, it was just obvious to all that this was a lost cause, and we decided to call it a night. And it was on a positive note, I guess.

Everyone was smiling and pleasant, and we talked about trying again sometime you know he was like you know next time I will not be nervous so it was in our minds that we were going to do this again and they even said they they enjoyed our company very much and next time they would be much more comfortable but to date, there has not been a next time. We were willing, more than willing, to give them another chance. But Eva and I agreed that the evening kind of left a bad taste in our mouths. We thought we were so compatible with this couple based on our dinner and our chats.

But now we weren't quite so sure. So again, we agreed that we'd be willing to give them another chance. But that hasn't come yet. We stayed in touch for a few months after that, ch sent more pics they were great at sending pics and we proposed a few dates for another get together they proposed some too but they were always too busy or we were always too busy our calendars just never meshed so what happened if you listen to one my recent episodes, you'll know what I mean when I say, it looks like the final fizzle happened. Things just fizzled out.

At the time of this recording, I honestly can't remember the last time we heard from them. It has been quite some time And as time passes The can't remember the last time we heard from them it has been quite some time and as time passes the less motivated we are to see them again i'm not sure if we'll ever have that chance it's it's just a it was just a weird evening all around and so now we're just not all that excited to make it happen again. And I guess that is to be expected sometimes in the lifestyle. But I hope the title of this episode now makes sense to you.

We were there five and a half hours before we even started the process of playing. And it was not like we didn't try, or I guess I should say it was not like we didn't try or I guess I should say it was not like Eva didn't try they just kept stalling for whatever reason and you know we just we look back and we just think they were just really shy and and that's fine you know I'm shy I get it just a lot of nerves in in situations like this but it was just it was definitely just a weird I don't know. I'm shy. I get it. Just a lot of nerves in situations like this.

But it was definitely just a weird experience for us. So I hope you enjoyed today's episode of Evan Swings. I'm going to wrap things up here. Please come back and see me sometime. Or hear me. Listen to me again sometime. Until then, you can always interact with me by finding me on kick or instagram just search for evan deanson that's e-v-a-n-d-e-a-n-s-o-n or you can even email me at evan deanson at gmail.com now i don't check i don't check the email or the instagram account very often kick is probably probably the fastest way to reach me, but I do check occasionally.

But just be patient with me. Eva and I would love to hear any questions, comments, or suggestions you have for the show. And if you enjoy listening, please tell a friend. I honestly am not in this for fame and fortune, but if you think this podcast will help someone in their lifestyle journey or just simply be entertaining for them, please let them know about me. Let them know about this podcast. The more listeners, the better. So with that, I bid you farewell, be safe, be naughty, and we'll see you next time.