Send us Fan MailLifestyle Interview | Herpes and the Lifestyle: Dianna’s Story of Overcoming the Diagnosis | Episode 161In this powerful episode of The Swing Nation Podcast, the top-rated lifestyle podcast about non-monogamy and swinging, Dan and Lacy sit down with Dianna, a valued Swinger Society employee who recently tested positive for Herpes (HSV2). Dianna opens up about the emotional rollercoaster she faced following her diagnosis, sharing the mental and emotional challenges that came with the news.Dan and Lacy guide an honest and compassionate conversation as Dianna discusses how her friends, partners, and the swinging community have reacted, and how she’s learning to navigate the lifestyle now while living with the virus. From breaking down the stigma around STIs to practical advice for moving forward, this episode sheds light on an important topic that many face but few openly discuss.Tune in to hear Dianna’s inspiring journey of resilience, self-acceptance, and how she continues to embrace her lifestyle while managing her health. This is a must-listen for anyone curious about how to navigate relationships, communication, and intimacy when dealing with an STI.- The Swing Nation - Main Website Quick Navigation Website: -- (Find all our social media links more!)- Swinger Society - Our Website to meet, connect events Swinger Society Discord Our Facebook Group- Swinger Websites -Kasadie 90 day free trialUsername: TheSwingNation SDC 14 day free trial Username: TheSwingNation** Use code 36313 for 14 days free! ** SLSUsername: NorthernGuynSouthernGirl- Merch More -Order Your Merch Here!- Lacy’s Fun Links -VIP OnlyFansPREMIUM OnlyFans-- THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS --Wisp : Making sexual healthcare inclusive, cost-effective, and accessible—for everyoneUse Code SWING at checkout for 15% off your oder!Shameless Care: ED Medication and at home STD testingUse Code TSN at checkout for $30 off your order!Promescent® Make Love Longer, It’s Time for Great SexUse Code SwingNation for 5% off!Sing it Bikinis: adjustable one-size styles, thoughtfully crafted to flatter every body type.- Thank you for the support! -
Transcript
This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18, it contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice.
welcome to the swing nation podcast a podcast by swingers for swingers where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe interview the experts learn and grow together. Join the nation. So, Lacey, people are asking, how do they get to go to a party or an event with us? They check out swingersociety.net.
You create a profile, you sign up for an event, and you come hang out with us. Super easy. That's right. If you want to party with us and the other faces and names that you know from social media and TikTok, head on over to swingersociety.net. Can't wait to see you there. Sexual health care can be so much more than STI testing. WISP offers services like emergency contraception, help in delaying your period, UTI treatments, and so much more. Thank you.
health care can be so much more than STI testing. WISP offers services like emergency contraception, help in delaying your period, UTI treatments, and so much more. They even have a product called the OMG Cream that helps provide more fulfilling orgasms for women. WISP provides same-day prescriptions and can give you discreet treatment in the comfort and privacy of your own home. Check out the link in our show notes or go to HelloWiz.com and use code SWING for 15% off.
Most people have unprotected oral sex, right? Be honest. Now think about your last STD test. Did your doctor tickle your throat with something that looked like a giant Q-tip? Probably not.
Yet that's the only way to check for oral gonorrhea or chlamydia which are often asymptomatic you need a better doctor you need shamelesscare.com use coupon code tsn at checkout hey there pineapple people and welcome to the swing nation podcast we are your hosts northern guy and southern girl and today we have another special episode for you we do we have somebody in the in the new this is our first actually it's the first time we've had somebody in our studio yeah like ever we've done podcasts with people but usually we're like in a hotel room in person like events and stuff yeah but never had to meet in the studio so um we'll hold off on announcing who that is yeah but before we get into that um little little life update lacy so we were supposed to be um arriving at splash not atlanta splash fort lauderdale today and we will not be in attendance and I'm super sad about it but my mom took a little bit of turn for the worse this week and ended up in the hospital so we chose to stay home and luckily the management and owners of Splash are wonderful and pretty much before they even really knew what was going on called and was like if you can't come we totally get it and so we kind of just took that opportunity because i was trying to send you there without me because i just felt like i didn't want to let him down because dan hosts the pool party and stuff and i just didn't want you know i didn't want to let him down so i was trying to send you but they kind of gave us an out and we took it right so no splash fort laerdale, which I almost feel like we have bad luck with that event.
We've never been. We've never been. And this is the second time I think an emergency has happened where we couldn't go. Yeah. Well, last year we had secrets at the same time. But the year before that, we had booked it. And then you were still active duty military, and they sent you somewhere in Georgia.
I can't remember we couldn't we couldn't go to florida so this is the third time now that we have not been able to go all right so you know and again thank you for everybody that's reached out and um you know said words of encouragement to us and lacy and about her mom i'm always super appreciative of that we've had a lot of that over the last people have emailed and like told us to ask for things from the doctor or do certain this looks so nice and so kind yeah okay so this episode we have our first guest ever in the studio welcome diana thank you for having me she's a little nervous she's a little nervous it's okay it's okay yeah uh and so she came in here and so if you don't know diana she's been around us forever when how long i mean you've been working for us for a little over a year now it was a year in may right yeah yeah and then but you've been around the discord and part of the community for about three years almost three years so basically close basically close to the beginning.
Uh, and if you are part of our discord community, or if you're on our Facebook group, um, you've seen her, she, she's everywhere. Uh, and really kind of some of the glue that's, uh, keeps us in the swinger society, uh, functioning and together.
She does a lot of stuff on the discord, a lot of stuff on the Facebook group, um, a lot of stuff with our events and stuff like that um but she is one of the few people that we know that is open about being diagnosed with herpes in the lifestyle um and so she actually came to help us because we've been so behind because we've been dealing with you know family matters and stuff she came to help us get ready for secrets and not only did she come like she hopped in the car and came like drove eight hours she said can i come and help you and then like two hours later she was on the road so like i think that's worth notating because we were pretty far behind getting ready for secrets which is like two weeks away and she just she just dropped everything and came and helped us so we really appreciate that right so she's literally been staying at our house with us and coming to the work with us and and helping us get ready for secrets but part of that was we're like man we got to do a podcast and we really hadn't planned out an episode for this week and so lacy had said well you know diana's public about being diagnosed with herpes is that something that you'd like to talk about and she was like yeah absolutely yeah yeah and me and her actually were heat pressing today and we're having like a very open frank conversation about it and i think like that's good for people to hear and so if she was willing to do it i thought that it was like it was really good because a lot of people don't know what questions to ask or how to handle it and that's what i told her we actually had this conversation today i was like i don't know the answers i don't you know and so i think that the more we talk about this the more now that we become comfortable with it because i don't i don't think ever anybody ever wants to be super comfortable with it it's kind of like one of those things but i think it's important to have this conversation okay so before we get into you know all the stuff about herpes let's talk a little bit about just you diana can you give us like we like to when we have swingers on the podcast give us the like how'd you get in the lifestyle what got you started uh you know just kind of the the quick how your your lifestyle journey how you ended up here okay so i've been in the lifestyle close to three years now and originally originally I started this with a previous partner, and it was actually his fantasy to watch.
Oh, wow. So we started as a hot wife dynamic, and life happens, life changes. And that situation and relationship is no longer not lifestyle related, but not going to talk about it here. And I was really connected to the community and they just kind of loved on me through it. And while I took that break, I was still, you know, just on the backside of things. And when I was ready, I stuck my toes back out there again as a single.
So I've tried some different styles, I guess i guess within the lifestyle yeah so how long total you've been in the lifestyle three years so a true unicorn now yeah yeah which is really crazy because i don't think of you as a unicorn most people don't yeah because you always have the guys around you which most unicorns do actually but yeah i mean i forget sometimes that you're like single and you're ready to mingle you can do all the things that makes me sound way cooler than i actually am just take it well it is i mean you've kind of you went from a hot wife couple to a full swap couple yes to now a unicorn so you really have ran the gambit as far as uh you know roles and lifestyle or whatever you want to call dynamics in the lifestyle so that is that is pretty interesting um okay so now let's get into a little bit um the herpes thing so i guess is when you first joined the lifestyle how did you learn like what did you do for stds and stis like what was your knowledge base did you know much before when you got in the lifestyle how did that kind of evolve so when entering into lifestyle I'll be honest I didn't know much about a lot of STD and STI I'd been monogamous for 10 years at that point obviously I'd had screenings during pregnancy like that.
I knew I was fine upon entering though, because I'm an anxious person. I absolutely did testing. I did testing like three times a year at least. And I did full panels and my full panels actually did include herpes testing. So I didn't know much about the individual infections or diseases and things, but I knew I was testing for it. I knew I was asking partners about their testing and I was using protection because I think that there's a lot of responsibility with the lifestyle that we live.
Yeah. And it's actually interesting because you, you said you went, did you go to a family doctor for testing? Where did you get your testing? Was it a clinic or a doc family doctor my ob-gyn yeah that's awesome did you tell your ob-gyn you were the lifestyle or how did you get around i'm just curious and not that it really matters i was just kind of curious how you were able to get three scd testing tested a year without i did eventually yeah tell them that i was lifestyle um but I didn't.
Um, and I used my separation and wanting to get back out there as, you know, a reason for one. But once I became more comfortable, I'm dating again, I'm sexually active. I want to be safe. Yeah. That's a great way to do it. So when your OBGYN started testing you, they started testing you from herpes right on the get go. They asked me what I wanted to be tested for, and I said full panel. That's how I described it. I didn't know another way, but I was always tested for it.
I've confirmed looking back at records because everybody was like, there's no way. I was like, I'm telling you, I was. Okay. Which is very uncommon. I think that's worth noting.
It's very uncommon when somebody says, I have a full panel SC scd test a lot of times that does not include herpes even um we talked about this with dr store even um content creators who go to like what is it called um talent talent testing sorry i couldn't think of it and they do that they don't even test for it there and that's considered like the like most detailed tests you're going to get. So, um, the fact that you were tested for it is actually pretty, pretty uncommon. Correct.
So when I initially thought that this might be a diagnosis that I was going to be going towards because of symptoms I was experiencing, T and Gal Nicole is my best friend.
So I'm over here Snapchatting her crying and I'm freaking out.'m like oh my god what's happening and i was like i just tested for this and she was like no you didn't i was like i'm tell nicole and you know when she sinks her teeth in she's not gonna buy it like i ended up like at one point i was screenshotting and i was like no i'm telling you i did so it was a valuable lesson to me because i assumed all full panels were the same yeah and because I was testing I thought everybody was yeah and I learned the other way yeah so in case other people haven't listened to our other podcast let's just kind of break down herpes a little bit okay so there's two types so in in a test it'll show up as HSV1 and hsv2V-1 is typically oral herpes, although you can get oral herpes anywhere on your body.
And this is where it gets a little confusing. HSV-2 is genital herpes. But again, you can get genital herpes anywhere on your body.
I suggest if you want to learn more about herpes in general, go back, listen to the, we did a podcast with dr store who is an obgyn and she went specifically over the different types and we kind of talked about testing and all this stuff so if you're curious this is more about like um diana dealing with this in the lifestyle that's what this podcast for not really the education of of herpes so if you are looking for more education on herpes please go back and listen to the the doctor store episode but yes so something to note with hsv one and two is it's not typically tested for in routine sti and std testing um even talent testing which is what most porn um people use regularly um and they do it like every two weeks or you know in between you know shoots and stuff like that so they're tested very very frequently they don't test for hsv1 or 2 um and from talking to dr store it seems like part of the reason for that is because if you don't know it's like 80 of the u.s population has hsv1 i in this please don't like write me a mean email if i get these stats exactly wrong but it's like 30 ish i think that has hsv2 20 30 some somewhere in that ballpark yeah there's conflicting information but the most common it seems is about 25 is what they say has it now confirmed unknown because doctors don't test for it yeah and then also something dr sword told us is most of the tests come with an hsv1 hsv2 like combination test like they test for both at the same time So most doctors, if you go to them and get an STI or STD panel, will not test for either one of them unless you complain about symptoms.
And the reason for that is because 80% of the people are going to come back with a positive test for HSV1. And from talking to Dr.
Stor, most doctors just don't want to deal with that if you don't have some it's pretty confusing even talking to a doctor even having so many podcasts about this subject it is very confusing so i can see how a doctor just doesn't want to open that can of worms basically they're saying if you're not having symptoms there's nothing for me to treat there's no point in going down this rabbit hole of getting people upset and you know so that seems to me that's the the most explanation i have gotten from like talking to doctor store and other people is it seems like they just don't want to upheave people's lives if they don't have symptoms that even need to be treated yeah so they don't do routine testing now why they don't do it on talent testing for porn stars as well i don't understand that yeah that part of it and maybe it's the same reason because 80% of them have HSV one and they don't want to, they can't rule out 80% of the people from, from filming.
Do you have a theory? I do actually. Um, I have had three blood tests post diagnosis cause I had a positive swab because I had an outbreak.
So when you got, so let's i just want to back up a little bit so you are in the lifestyle you happen to be being tested for both hsv1 and hsv2 correct so you had negative tests correct and this is so you've been in lifestyle for three years at what point how long ago was it that you got your positive results so i got a negative test a month before tempted in february i believe that was february's event and i had been abstinent so january 2024 right and i'd been abstinent we were between events i don't have anybody local um so i knew that i was okay and then went to the event in february came in contact pretty much went into instant outbreak because my life is stressful is what my doctor says.
And so they did a swab test cause I was experiencing symptoms. The swab came back positive. I've had three separate blood tests post that none of my blood tests are positive yet, including one that was five months post outbreak. And that's because everybody takes a different amount of time for antibodies.
So I feel like, especially for talent testing, you'd be giving a false sense of safety to people by testing their blood and telling them they're fine when there's such a long dormancy period with this. Because had I have never outbroke, because they say 80% of HSV2 people will never have a symptom. They'll never outbreak. So they won't even know unless their doctor does test them. So had I have not been living high stress, not had an outbreak, I wouldn't know.
I wouldn't have had anything to disclose to anybody. So earlier today, you and I were having a conversation about this.
And you were telling me kind of like a little bit of a scenario of how this all came to be like the you basically did as far as everything that people in lifestyle teaches to do like did you ask questions did you get to know the person did you ask about std testing you did all of those things and you still ended up here so can we talk a little bit about like because i just want people like hearing you say that out loud to me sunk in Because you did everything that we're supposed to do, but yet you're sitting here having this conversation with us.
So I think that's important for people to hear that story. Do you mind telling that? I don't mind it at all, and I think that you're right because I think the stigma is that you're dirty. And then the number of times I've seen in our Facebook group alone or somewhere else where people make comments saying that you make poor life decisions and all these other things because there's this assumption, the diagnosis, that you assume these things.
But the reality is I'm probably one of the most slow to play swingers you've ever met in your line. And I am a little anxious. I'm very health conscious. And when I started this journey, my mindset, because I'm a parent, was there's never going to be anything or an experience that I could have that's worth me coming home with something or not coming home to my babies or whatever. So I'm very, very cautious about these things. So this play partner, so you had these conversations, you asked them.
What all did you ask? I'm just curious. So this is not a new play partner. It's a repeat play partner. And even though we had been established, I still actually asked about testing every few months when we would see each other or whatever like hey have you tested recently everything come back okay so even though it was somebody that i at this point i've known for years we are very well established we understand boundaries all these questions i still would periodically have questions.
But the thing is, they were not testing for it. I did not know that because I have always been tested for it. And I simply just asked for a full panel. My doctor never pushed back, never made it seem like I was getting a special treatment. I didn't pay a special price. So I just assumed everybody's full panel was the same and my play partners was not. So upon me experiencing symptoms, I let them know they went and tested their blood comes back positive.
So they probably had it for a while because they have enough antibodies. And here we are. Can I ask a personal question? If you don't want to answer it, we don't have to put this in or we can edit it out. Did you use protection with this partner? This partner is not. It's my only unprotected partner. Okay. Okay. I thought you were going to say a girl. I was like, really? No. No. Okay. So it was an unprotected play partner. Right. Yeah.
But if people don't know, even with or without protection, it's skin-to-skin contact. Yes, correct. So you can use protection and still catch HSV-2 and 1. Absolutely. For that matter. Dan and I have told this story before on the podcast, and I think it's worth noting. That person was doing everything they were supposed to do, as far as they knew and as far as you knew. But we've had play partners.
We used to have one play partner that we did not use protection with and we trusted them like we would leave our kids with them we would we never did but if if it was an emergency situation we were that close like we were really good friends and we had all agreed to not use protection and then we went on an event and it was um like it was at hedo and we saw that couple having sex with multiple other people without protection and it like totally changed our view about having that one partner that you play without we learned like we looked at each other and we were like we're the only ones you can trust yeah you me and you are the only people that we could trust and in this case you had every right to trust that person they did everything they were supposed to do but even that is not enough you know yeah and i also think something worth noting that person thought they were doing everything correct correct too and and frankly was doing everything correct absolutely tested they they just had no idea because this test is not included on the vast majority of um full panel sti std tests absolutely i want to reiterate like that they did not know yeah they had not been on a test no ill will no ill no zero zero to be honest with you that could happen to dan and i any time like we could play with somebody we could say we could show them right we've exchanged tests with people and we do that especially in the content creator realm it's very frequently yeah but i know even the people that are getting the most you know these talent tests which are some of the the highest end tests you can get they're not being tested for hsv1 and hsv2 and even with protection this could still happen absolutely and yeah and and that's part to remember because remember hsv1 can be anywhere hsv2 can be anywhere so it could be a matter of giving oral to a person or anything else so and and let's be honest people aren't putting condoms on for that most of the time they're not yeah it's kind of like that risk you take yeah absolutely so i want to be clear i mean a condom would not have protected this and it would have been an inevitability.
I mean, the person didn't know that they were experiencing any symptoms or anything like that. And it's, it's a lesson learned and they were very forthcoming with their status because they went and got tested afterwards and whatnot. So, I mean, it's, it's unfortunate. I did everything. I've cried about it.
But from but from day one when the results came back I knew that I wanted to live the journey out loud just to remind us that it's about protecting your friends it's about being responsible that a certain degree of this is preventable but it takes us learning what we didn't know I didn't know what a full panel really was for everybody else I't think doctors even know to be honest it's their opinion it's what they think a full panel is there's not like a guaranteed this is absolutely yeah and we've told this story before in the podcast but we we had a friend that tested positive for an sti we went and got tested and we asked for a full panel um and we asked to be throat tested yes and they just did blood work and they're and then we're like hey are you gonna swab our throat and they're like oh no we just we just test for that in the blood and the only reason we knew that was bullshit is because we did this podcast and have talked to doctors about it and we're like no that you can't do that and they're like what do you mean we're like you have to swab a throat to test the throat that's the only way and they're like oh we don do that here.
And that was from a doctor. That was from a medical doctor. Yeah. So fun fact, when I was experiencing the first outbreak and those symptoms, I went to an urgent care facility in my town, which actually has primary care doctors as well. And I expressed what was happening, what I suspected that it was. And I went ahead and was honest that I was part of an alternative lifestyle. Cause I'm like, this isn't the time to hide things from my healthcare professionals.
And she was adamant that I only needed to pee in a cup and she only needed to test my urine upon me pushing and really advocating for myself. She's like, okay, I can do blood. And I'm like, that's not it.
So she was was gonna give you a routine STI test yes and she was then gonna do blood and I was like that won't do it if I just came in contact you're not gonna find it you have to swab me and she was like we don't do that now and it took me insisting yeah and that's the only reason I got a diagnosis was because I knew how you tested for this illness And I forced the issue. Yeah.
No, and that's, so again, you could have went with symptoms thinking you had something and if you just weren't educated enough correct they could have gave you a test and those tests could have came back negative because they wouldn't have been tested for herpes and be like no you're fine everything's good and then you could have went right back to doing what you were doing and so she actually called me and told me that my blood and my urine because they came back the day before and she forgot that they drew my blood and she called me and told me that i was negative that i was fine that i it was probably a skin irritation or my razor or whatever so here i am like okay i'm good because i thought she got all well i thought she got all three tests back she didn't the next day my blood came back there was a delay did she have to call you she did and she had to tell me that she was wrong and the blood didn't come in she forgot and that in fact i was positive uh okay so since you've went through this yeah can you talk about the symptoms a little bit because i think yeah i think there's are people that have like razor bumps and things that get super.
Well, to be honest with you. I know I've had stuff like that happen to me before. We've played with people that have had like a razor bump or something. And I'm always like, I don't want to be that person. Like, are you sure? You know, but you need to be that person. So, yes, give us all the information. So, I think that the most important thing that I can tell you is everybody's going to experience the symptoms differently.
It has a lot to do with your immune system, your stress levels, all these different things. So for me, I went into instant outbreak. I mean, you mean like days, uh, like within two days I had, I had blisters within two days. Um, but I was uncomfortable on the airplane ride home from tempted. I knew my body was not right. And initially I'm thinking yeast infection condoms Because off my pH. It happens every event, whatever. But I'm like, this is a little more. This ain't quite right.
The next day I'm like, oh, no. We have a problem. And look, we're all spicy. We take pictures. We do what we do. And I'm like, look, there's certain things I can't see what's happening. Oh, no. We're going. We got see somebody. Um, so I actually did have blisters, not like what they showed you in health class in the seventh grade, because they're trying to scar you from sex for the rest of your life. It is not, can it be that way? I'm sure. Yeah.
I don't think that that's the majority or what's common though. That is severe. Um, it was very uncomfortable. It hurt to sit all the things.
things however the partner that i contracted from was in fact in a shed or an outbreak um and the symptoms that they experienced now that they they have identified that that's what it was they thought they needed a new razor they thought they had razor so they the partner you contracted it from was in an active outbreak yeah at that time they just didn't realize that's what it was because there was was not to the degree of mine they did not have physical blisters but they were uncomfortable and it was the first time they had ever outbroke so they didn't know what they were starting they like they were in the very beginning stages at tempted basically yeah and they had just shaved to come to an event it's hot jeans are rubbing so they assumed that you know it was just some friction and razor burn popping up um and i had confided in dan in this i i may have re-watched some spicy videos a million times and zoomed in because i'm like what did i miss yeah and it's not there it's not the person had no reason to suspect that that's what it was we've all probably had razor burn and then got hot and been annoyed but there wasn't even any physical signs of razor burn i mean but now they can identify and understand that that sensation was the start of something which is good for them to protect themselves and any other partners in the future but they they didn't know what they didn't know yeah i dated a guy who had who who was positive and he could tell like nerve pain like he knew like two or three days before and we just there would be no sex for like a month to be honest with you we were very very cautious but he wouldn't he would know immediately and we just kind of learned those symptoms yeah yeah another thing i will say because this is confusing to some people is you do not have to be in an active outbreak to spread herpes right right?
So your skin sheds the virus, I guess, constantly or can shed it all the time. So it is possible to not be in an active outbreak and spread it. But from my understanding, from talking to Dr. Soar, if you are in an active outbreak, it makes it more likely to spread. So active outbreak, don't do anything, period. That's it.
For me, because of the experience I i have with outbreak i don't want you to touch me with a 10-foot pole anyways i don't really understand what would be tempting there personally i can understand that my partner experienced different symptoms so that wasn't the initial inclination right um but yes you can shed when you're not in an outbreak but the transmission rate of that is less than 3%. The most conservative results will tell you can be up to 10, but even Dr.
Storer said that like those were not reputable sources. And the most common that you see is it's like less than a 3% chance and it is reduced by condom usage, but it's just like everything else. It's not a hundred percent.
It else it's not 100 correct so i guess that's basically the point is once you get the disease correct you're always possible of spreading it although there are things that you can do that makes it very unlikely to spread correct so and we'll get into that i don't want to preempt that okay Okay. So I honestly think maybe we stop there and take a little break. Yeah, I think so too.
Because really what I want to talk about, you know, so that's kind of the what happened, your story and things like that. I think on the back side of the break, I really want to get into, okay, you get this diagnosis. Yeah. Then what happens? Okay. So we're going to take a little break. Hear from the partners and sponsors of the Swing Nation podcast.
And then when we get back, we'll continue our conversation with diana i am super excited to announce this you know we have partnered with sling it bikinis we are now going to be carrying them at our events yep that's right at secrets just coming up two weeks, we will have Sling It bikinis there so you can look at them, you can touch them, you can purchase them and take them home that day. I'm so excited.
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And you can even order the tests right there, have them shipped to your house and make sure you're good to go for your next lifestyle event all right guys welcome back welcome back we appreciate you listening to our sponsors we love our sponsors we sure do all right so we're sitting here with diana so she kind of gave us the rundown how she joined the lifestyle uh and then how she ended up with the unfortunate diagnosis of herpes um but then what i really wanted to get into and we went over some of the you know what is herpes and and you know how to get tested and all that um but i guess like you know this is really a hard subject right and and it And it's hard because I think the truth of herpes in the lifestyle is the vast majority of the people in the lifestyle are not getting tested for it.
So there are people that are running around with herpes that are spreading it. They probably don't even know they're spreading it. And they're not bad guys. They're not bad women.
They're just people that don't know you know right and so it's it's really an issue that i think and i appreciate you coming on the podcast and talking about this um so i i guess what i want to start with is once you get that diagnosis what happens like what do you feel what do you do what's your reaction so i'll be totally vulnerable and honest and'm going to tell you, I spiraled for about a week. Um, because at this point I was already working for you guys.
I was already an admin on the server and on the Facebook group. And I went through the whole gamut of feeling like I had really invested in this community. These are my best friends. I felt like I was probably now not welcome in my own community that I had invested so much in. Like just volunteer time. I don't even mean the spicy time.
Like literally advocating and fighting and giving advice and trying to help people on this journey and trying really hard like for body confidence and inclusivity. Because if you've never seen me, I'm often one of the biggest girls in the room. That's okay. I hate when you say that. I hate when you say that. But it's the reality. And the difference is just because I'm a bigger girl doesn't mean I'm ugly. You're not. And you're not the biggest girl in the room. I'm going to prove to you.
I don't want to point out people because that's mean. No. But I just, I don't want you to feel that way. But that's another topic for another day. It is. And I think it's important, like, just to say, like, that I've had my own struggles and fears in joining. And I joke that I have the confidence of a turnip. And I've come a long way, but I've grown in this community to spill that love out to others and to help them on it.
Because I know what it meant for me and the way it changed the way I looked at myself in the mirror. It changed the way that I parent and the things that I say in front of my kids. And so they don't manifest those things. Right. So now I've got these results and the community that I love and my best friends. And I'm like, Oh my God, I, I don't have a community anymore. I don't belong anymore. I'm fixing to lose the first genuine friends that I felt like I had in a long time.
And I told y'all I thought I was going to lose my job, not because I thought you guys would take it from me. I knew instantly I would be safe to talk to you guys about this. But because my love and passion for the community was so strong, and it still is, that I felt like the negative stigma of having somebody dirty, the way that people see it. Yeah.
was so strong and it still is that I felt like the negative stigma of having somebody dirty the way that people see it would genuinely hurt the company and the brand and you bringing in a person to an event knowing they're positive would make you look bad and I won't do that so I was fully prepared with giving you my status to also give you my resignation no way I was ready I'll see you next time.
so i was fully prepared with giving you my status to also give you my resignation no way i was ready there is no way we would ever let that happen first of all we were like absolutely not we're not doing that but i do get that it's part of the spiral yeah i do think your feelings are valid and to be honest with you i might have went as i'm very similar to you in that way i probably would have went down that road too. So I get that. But yeah. What do they call it? The catastrophizing, right?
Yeah. I do that. When you have something negative happen, you assume worst case scenario in every aspect. Oh God. And then when you have anxiety and now it's shot through the roof and your doctor's like, well, that's because you're stressed. And I'm like, well, thanks, jackass, because you didn't help this any. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, but from day one, I knew that if I was going to stay in this community that I was going to choose to live this out loud, I am a loud person.
I am an opinionated person and I tend to be a little bit of a force. I know that. And if I genuinely, and I still do do to my core feel like i did everything i could to avoid this and here i am if it could be me it could be anybody yeah and that my passion and advocacy for this community couldn't just stop there so day one while i'm crying and freaking out i'm literally talking to nicole and my friends and i'm like if i'm gonna do this and i'm doing it out loud because it's like this.
I know that even though I'm crying and freaking out. I'm literally talking to Nicole and my friends. And I'm like, if I'm going to do this and I'm doing it out loud, because it's like this. I know that even though I'm not required to disclose it, I would, it's the person that I am. I operate in transparency and I knew I was going to disclose it. People talk, let's be honest. So I could either be part of the conversation or I could be the topic and I'd rather be part of it.
I would rather people, even if it means nobody plays with me, that's fine. Cool. I can take care of myself. Um, but if it means that I can protect the community that I love because people learn that they're not testing for what they should be, or that it could be as simple as taking a suppressant to protect themselves or others. Then I'll be the example. I'll do it any day. And it's not been an easy walk. God, that I've gotten nasty messages because I've lived it publicly on our forums.
But you know what? I've gotten a lot of really amazing messages from people that aren't comfortable living it out loud, but have the same diagnosis that felt safe for the first time because somebody was willing to have the scary conversation out loud. Who is mean to you? Give me their name. You give me the name of the people that's mean to you. I'll trade you. I don't mind. You can be mean to them. I don't care. No, I'm just joking. But yeah, that hurts my heart. Yeah.
So those are your fears when you get diagnosed. Yeah.
What's the reality when you start taking this and talking about it to people because you're like nine months out right eight nine months yeah so um i immediately told anybody that i had any type of interaction with attented because i didn't know like at what point well yeah things happen with lots of people in the room so i don't know i mean jesus was in my mouth and then i had your dick like okay let's so i told everybody instantly because it's about protecting them too and just being transparent and then my next message the next day was immediately to any ongoing play partners that i had even if i had not had experiences recently um because it's scary people need to do their own research and decide like i have taken a firm stance that i won't educate anybody that i'm interested in i will lead them to show or i'll lead them to your podcast i will encourage them to research themselves but i don't ever want it to feel like coercion yeah i need them to have research and feel enthusiastic for themselves yeah that's smart like no don't let me convince you on why it's okay for your stay to still play with me go out and do your own you also don't want to be like at a swingers club and like listing statistics and stuff like that that's not sexy none of this conversation is sexy yeah and at the end of the day especially somebody who struggled with confidence i still deserve to feel like somebody is enthusiastic and wants to have an experience with me not that i'm'm like begging for it to happen.
It doesn't have to be that way. So I told partners, um, I lost quite a few. I'll, I'll be honest. Um, and the hardest part was it felt like I lost friendships in it too. Part of it. I, and the kicker is, is even though I could be upset about the lost friendship, like I understand the loss of play. No problem. I respect it. And I'm not dishonest enough to tell you that I know how I would have reacted on the other side because that's not my reality. And I am an anxious person.
But the loss of the friendship part, I think I wasn't prepared for that side of it. Do you think they just didn't know how to still be a friend and not have sex and not and and not they just didn't know how to deal with this so I do think we don't have the education like swingers in general just don't know enough and so because like when you and I were having this conversation earlier I said the answer is I don't know correct you know I don't know what you do with somebody that has herpes.
Like if some, cause someone had actually just like a little backstory. Someone had asked me at tempted this past him did. So just a month ago, um, what do we play with Diana? What are, what are, what do we do?
And I might, my truth is we've never, we've never played with Diana because she's an employee and we tried super, you know, we sometimes with that but we try super hard to be professional around here but um and i my response to that person was i don't know i've never we personally in all the years we've been in the lifestyle we've never had anyone come to us and say we have been diagnosed with herpes or we have herpes how do you feel and we all know that we've played with someone that has it dozens of people we have to have we've had to have there's no way and that's that that's what i told that girl i don't have the knowledge to give a straight answer and i'm wondering if the people that you're saying you lost their friendship with just did not know how to deal with it and it was easier just to kind of like back away it doesn't make it right that they should have educated themselves and still remained your friend but i i can understand i can see it i can do i'll still defend them till the end of time um i think that it was out of fear i think it was out of a lack of understanding but at the end of the day either my friendship's enough for you to research it and understand it and still just be my friend yeah or it's not i wish you well i genuinely think they're great people um and i get that it's a scary topic and i understand why they reacted the way they reacted and i won't shame anybody for it i won't shame anybody that tells me no or that it's a deal breaker either yeah okay so guess my question is now, what is the lifestyle look like for you?
So how, how do you go about this? And then what is your understanding of the reality of the likelihood of you to spread it to other, other people? Okay. That's a few questions I feel like. So I think my play style has always been more to get to know people beforehand and to know my partners. I'm not great at gauging interest in people flirting with me to begin with. I kind of think they're talking about somebody else normally. So I don't feel like in that aspect, it's changed a lot.
But what I will tell you is like, when people do start to flirt with me now, like it's trying to figure out how to have that Mack truck of a conversation, like, and kill it. Because I feel like if you know the person or, you know, you already have like that attraction or whatever, you're more receptive to hearing it and like actually wanting to like make a decision. Then if you don't know them at all, if a stranger tells you, then cool, I don't have to get to know you enough.
I'm interested because I'm just going to cut the risk. Right.'m learning when and how to drop that information to me that would be hard in the swingers club yeah because people are drinking they're just trying to have quick fun i mean i don't mean that that sounds terrible but let's be honest you know a lot of people yeah you only have a couple hours to make a connection make something happen and so to me that would be a very hard commerce you can barely even get a conversation in period. Yeah.
So I think for my play style, it didn't probably hurt a lot. Um, but personally, I don't feel morally or consciously like that. I would probably be able to do like a same day play thing. Like some people, I mean, I've, I've done it previously, but that's no longer going to be a thing just because I don't feel like that is something I can bring up at a club necessarily. Um, or maybe if you like meet them online and you have that conversation. Yeah.
So I try to mingle pre events, like in event channels and stuff like that. I also am trying very hard to live this journey out loud. So if they've interacted with me on these platforms, then they already know. Yeah. So I know that like for example, there was somebody attempted that the local there, um, they came up and started flirting with me. I'm like, Hey, I need to know that you saw my post. He's like, Oh, I knew me and my wife, we've already talked. We're good.
And like, so I was very fortunate that because I have lived it out loud, the people that are choosing to engage with me that have already seen and know they, they were able to make those decisions for themselves. And that's helped a lot. And honestly, that's a conversation that a couple needs to have together. They need to sit down. They need to talk about it. It doesn't need to be a rush. Like we're horny. He's got a hard on. Let's make that decision. Correct.
I think that's that that person handled that perfectly. Absolutely. Kudos to them. Yeah. I've been, I require it even like if they're going to chat with me that way, there was a new male that started chatting with me. He was okay with it. He's like, I'm sure my wife will be too. Well, guess what? I need you to talk to her. And it turns out she wasn't. And that's okay. That's her prerogative and her right, but I'm an enthusiasm or bust girl. And that's, so that's not going to work for me.
And that's actually been quite a common occurrence is one partner knows more about it and they're comfortable and the other isn't. And I'm an advocate that you go at your slowest person's pace. And if somebody says no, they say no, that's it. So, yeah. So I guess the second part of them, that question is what is your understanding of the, of the safety when you, you play with people? Yeah.
So, I mean, the bulk of what I know is from Stower and from my primary care and OB, the chance of transmission is very, very low. And it's even lower if you do a daily suppressant. I take it religiously and I am actually on a max dose because I don't ever want to do that again, if I can help it. I asked all the questions, will this hurt my immune system? Does it have any side effects if I take the max dose? She's like, absolutely not.
And the longer you're on it, the less often you have outbreaks. And that suppressant, it suppresses your shedding. It suppresses all the different things. So in a way, it's going to help. Even though the transmission rate is less than 3% without suppressants, I figure I'm going to stack the deck in my favor and I'm going to take it anyway because I don't want to experience it, but I also want to protect others too. So you don't want to have those phone calls again. You don't want to do all that.
While I'm living it and I'm proof that you can live it and you can live it out loud, even if it's not easy by any stretch of the means, I wouldn't want my friends to have to go through it if they don't have to. I mean, it doesn't have any health side effects. This is not going to shorten my life. It is not going to give me cancer. It's not, I think that that's also what people are so scared of herpes, but not HPV and so many other things.
And it's just like, it's, it's like, you realize this doesn't actually have health effects. It's embarrassing. It's uncomfortable when it outbreaks, but this does not end my life. It doesn't shorten my life.
It it doesn't change any of that but if i can still protect my friends from having to disclose this or experience the symptoms then i'm gonna do it every day and the meds without insurance or is less than 15 a month and according to dr short that medicine is actually pretty like it's a very easy medicine there's not a lot of side effects it's like pretty much anybody can take it and it's not gonna it's not gonna hurt anything and i really think you know because we got kind of in the weeds with this conversation with dr store talking about you know taking valtrex is to use one as a suppressant but then two there's some studies that show if even if you don't have herpes if you take valtrex it will help protect you from catching the virus but again there's just not there's not grant money there you mean they're not like studying swingers come on now but this is set i know i'm just saying but there's just not the data there that backs up you know so nobody really knows like what if you if you were somebody that's on that has herpes and you don't have an active outbreak and you're on a suppressant, there's not like it's a 0.002%.
Like there's no – nobody knows that number, at least not that I've seen. So you mean nobody's volunteering to sleep with somebody with herpes and see if they get it? Right, yeah. Yeah, I can't imagine. Yeah, yeah. But to your point, from my understanding of it is if you don't have an active outbreak and you are on a suppressant, it's a very low percentage of spread, if it's even possible. Correct. And speaking with Dr. Sharks, so she's been a great resource for us.
Those of you that don't know, she has a free like advice column and everything in our Discord. She's on the Discord. You can message her. She'll DM with you. Yes, doctors will do. Like that is pretty fucking amazing that she'll do that.
She on the phone with me yeah when i got this diagnosis and stuff she got on the phone when we had the gonorrhea scare and talked to us as well she has been such a lifesaver she made me feel so normal and she was just so blunt with her delivery in the way that she did things i can't appreciate her enough honestly but she had told me she was like i be honest.
She's like, it's safer to play with you knowing that you have it and being on suppressants than any other swinger out there that's not testing for it. Yeah. And that was kind of, kind of be my point. So me and Lacey really even had, I don't think we've ever had the conversation of, would we play with somebody with herpes? We've never had it. No.
But my personal opinion is somebody that knows they have herpes and is watching for the symptoms and is taking a suppressant it is beyond the shadow of my you know every part of my being knows that you're way safer playing with that person than you are the average swinger that has no idea if they have herpes or not because there's probably 30 percent of the people that we play with probably have herpes probably are not on suppressants and the chance of us catching it from them is probably greater than catching it from somebody that knows they have it and is taking the steps to protect people in the community and i think that's really the message that people need to understand is it and we talked about this a little bit off off the podcast but i think the vast majority of swingers don't want to know if they have it or not And I'll see you next time.
that people need to understand is it I think we talked about this a little bit off off the podcast but I think the vast majority of swingers don't want to know if they have it or not yeah they don't want to know if the people they were playing with yeah or not yeah I just want to pretend like this herpy things just does not exist yeah I want to talk about it I don't want to know about it yeah don't ask me I'm not getting tested for it because I don't have symptoms I kind of feel that way to be honest with you I'm not lying like as we're having this conversation truthfully i'm like should we order a test like should we then i'm like well what if it says yes full transparency i had a blood test one time come back positive and it was through a company not shameless care this was before we even worked with shameless care the doctor called me on a friday afternoon at45, and the doctor, because they won't give you your results through the website, if you're positive, they call you.
And the doctor was like, do not believe this. This company is notorious, and it's a very well-known company, and I'm not going to throw them under the bus, but if you Google STD at home test, you're going to pull it up. But they, he said, do not test this test. Go to your family doctor. Go to the first of the week. If that comes back positive, okay, maybe. But do not freak out. I freaked the fuck out all weekend. Yeah, of course. You know, that's what I do. I did go. I was negative.
There was nothing to swab because there was no outbreak. I've been, I've had a few tests since then that have all been negative, but I just had that, like, I guess it was 48 hours of thinking I may or may not have herpes. And I was devastated. I'm not going to lie. I was 100%. I told Dan, I was like, we're not doing the podcast. We're done. I'm not swinging anymore.
It was just like a whole lot of emotions that, I mean, so I could only imagine like actually been getting yeah i'm real positive i can't imagine but but the truth is she probably wouldn't know i know she never got a real positive she got it on the outbreak and i still don't have like i still want to know again i still want to test one more you know one more time one more time but it's also very scary to think of. This is a conversation more people need to have.
I think if you learn anything from this, though, it's really not, this disease is not that scary. It's not. It's not that scary, but I still don't want it. I mean, no offense. No. I love you. Nobody wants it. I mean, if I could not have this conversation with you because I didn't have it, I would rather be there, too. That's okay. I know.
It's's heavy it's a lot it is it's a lot it's a lot to take in and think about and it's a lot i think couples need to listen to this and hopefully have some like good conversations about like their place out how they're going to do things what they're going to what most of them are going to probably do is just continue flying for sure yeah and that's i guess that's the issue that's the issue what i wish would happen is everybody would all go out get the test find out for sure if you have it or not and if you do have it just start taking suppressants before you go to events right if you don't have it you should probably start taking suppressants before you go to events right and if we all if this if everybody in the community did that we would probably nip this shit in the butt right and you know 10 years from now nobody it would this thing would be gone you know i mean like at least within our community because everybody would be educated they'd be taking the thing the medicine they wouldn't be spreading it around and then you know 10 20 years from now it wouldn't be an issue anymore we protect each other that way but i think worst case scenario this is we've talked about this before if i can have all the sex and all the fun and do all the dirty shit that i've done over the last eight years of my life and i catch this and all that means is i have to take a pill you know dan would still every day or uh you know some people only take it when they have outbreak like yeah you know most people only get outbreaks once or twice a year like it's fucking worth it like it's totally fucking worth it like and i know that's not a popular opinion people are like oh my god he wants herpes i don't want fucking herpes but i'm telling you what i i'll take a little rash and some blisters once or twice a year to do all the fucking shit i've done over the last eight years like give it to me like i'm not scared you know what i mean 80 will never have one ever that's my husband y'all that's him that's him look imagine me i got it my very first experience with group play and i'm like are you there's so much i haven't done are you kidding me yeah no this is bullshit yeah i'm finally getting brave and here we are you know kudos to you because i really do think yeah the more we talk about this as a community the more people will realize this isn't the big bad scary thing that we've all been made made out to think that it is um and the more people that actually get tested and and get on suppressants if they need to or even if you don't have it it's probably a good idea to take valtrex before you go to an event just because hey guess what 80 not probably more than i bet 98 of the people that go to lifestyle events have no idea if they have herpes or not yeah you know what i mean because 98 of the people including us because we've not had a test in years yeah it's because your doctors don't like to test for it for a million reasons but you mentioned getting a false positive and my doctor actually the first one that read the results was like this could be a false positive because she didn't understand swab tests that i had to fight her to do to begin with didn't understand she's like because it's actually related to shingles and chickenpox if you've ever had it you can actually trigger an hsv test for it yeah and that's why they need a confirmed positive test go back and listen to doctor store but yeah the the strands of yeah it's confused and to be honest with you i have had jingles before so i had a prescription for valtrex anyway so when um when uh we had the podcast with dr store i just like refilled my valtrex and now we don't really take it we did a good job like right after the podcast we did a very good job two next two or three events we did it yeah we would take them like two or three days before you know an event and like throughout the event and a few days after but we've kind of got away with it but getting a prescription for val i mean obviously consult your doctor but most people get cold sores or something right you can go on wisp right now yeah and say that you have a cold sore or get cold sore outbreaks and they they will write you a prescription for Valtrex, and they'll send it to your door.
Or they'll send it to the local pharmacy to pick up. Yep, and save with your code while they're at it. Yeah, we have a code, dieslingnation.info. Yeah, it's swing. That's the code? I use WISP all the time, to be honest with you. You use it for me.
No, actually, I mean, this is not like a sponsored podcast or anything, but truth be told i and i know you love wisp too um it's super convenient for std medicines uti yeast infections all of that it's it's very i even get my zofran and stuff like that from there too now um just because i'm always nauseous for some reason or another and so it's just nice to have some but if you especially women if you need stuff like that Wisp is pretty awesome I even recommended it to my hairdresser who is not a swinger she was like where's this been all my life I'm like I know right you know it's it's pretty cool website yeah so go check out Wisp theswingnation.info would you say code swing swing you get what 10 or something something like that okay uh okay all right so diana anything else you want to to say to the swing nation listeners about the realities of dealing with herpes in the lifestyle i think i'd tell you that it's okay to say no and that it's a deal breaker for you but i would really challenge the way that you deliver your messages um the stigma and saying clean and dirty on your results and things like that i never thought about it before and i've sat back and thought a million times like how did i word it i don't know i've caught myself even now you know and i don't sure i've said it on the podcast yeah and i don't mean to and if i catch myself i get so mad at myself right so i think that that i would just challenge you on how you deliver it's okay to say no it's okay for it to be a deal breaker but i would really challenge you as to why to do your research to to know how to protect yourself if it is the big scary thing for you that's valid that's okay but what are you doing to protect yourself because if you're not testing then you're not as scared of it as you say you are right period well that's the thing you know i've seen some of your posts in the facebook group and on discord and stuff and then i i see some of the clearly unadjudicated responses to it that are saying things like you know i would never play with somebody that's 30 and all this stuff and i'm gonna fight him that's your you know i am of the opinion where i would play with somebody yeah if knowing that they you know were on the suppressant and didn't have an active outbreak um but to your point if your answer to that is i won't play with that person well then if you're not being tested for hsv show me your last one and two frequently and not demanding that test from everybody that you play with you're being probably more unsafe than you would be if you played with that person um that knows they have the disease and you're part of the problem at that time said what i said you're part of the problem you're part of the problem yeah you're if you're not doing those things yeah you could very likely be one of the people that are spreading yep you're not spreading knowledge and in the groups and stuff you'll see where they'll say hsb1 is a deal breaker.
And I'm like, you're not going to be a successful swinger because – You just narrowed your pool by 80%. I mean, the amount of people that we have all kissed at an event, let's be real. That's not it. Can you imagine like before you go to make out with a hot girl, you're like, hey, when's the last time you checked for HSV-1? I just look and see if they have a cold sore. Yeah, that's it. If you got an active one, I'm not going in for that.
You're not even going to get a kiss to know if there's chemistry and you're going to ask about that? Yeah. And truth be told, we've gotten into this a little bit with Dr. Source podcast. If you're okay, if 80% of us are okay with HSV 2 or 1, right?
So if we know 80% of the people out there have HSV 1 and we're all making out with each other,'re you're scared of it being like you're not scared of cold sore or you know cold sores on your face but you're scared of it on your general you know i mean like it doesn't it's a very similar disease no matter where it manifests itself yeah so absolutely because hsb1 can be in your genitals yeah and if somebody with hsb1 could literally they give you a blowjob could you could end up with it on your genitals.
So moral of the story is, boys and girls, don't play with any unknown bumps. Yeah. Right. And get tested and get some fucking Valtrex. Absolutely. Thank you for coming on. I know this was literally kind of thrown on her, but I gave her all the opportunities to back out. You did.
But also know that I'm an anxious person too person too and i said it's coming out tomorrow so we don't have a lot of time to like undo this but i really appreciate you this is a hard a hard conversation that i think people need to hear and i'm super grateful that you were able to to talk with us about this i thank you guys for having the conversation with me because i think that the only way we do better is to know better.
So just by, I think there are people that are just afraid to talk about it. I'm one of them. Yeah. I mean, to be honest with you. And on a personal level, there's nothing that feels as supportive as knowing that your bosses, your friends, your community is willing to have the conversation with you. That's it.
And I, I can't thank y'all enough for being willing like because this was your idea so we're going to make sure you have credit i didn't bring this to you i know i've lived it out loud but you approached me because you thought this was something the community would benefit from and i i think it matters i benefit from to be honest with you like personally and i think if i know that if i benefit somebody else will too so okay um one other thing come join us at Secrets yeah got a few rooms left swinner study.net book your room october 3rd through the 6th few rooms left go on swinner study book them come hang out with us diana will be there me and lacy will be there uh we're looking fun dj life is looking fun dj life isice.
It's going to be a good time. Yeah. All right. Anything else? That's it. All right. I think with that, in a world full of apples. Be the pineapple. Be the pineapple, guys. Bye. Bye. If you've enjoyed our podcast and want to support us, leave a five-star review wherever you're listening. If you want to see more of our content, you can find links to Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, OnlyFans, and more in the show notes.
Come join the conversation with us and other Swinger content creators on our Swinger Society Discord server. If you have questions or feedback, email them to us at the swing nation at gmail.com make sure you head on over to the swing nation.net and keep up to date on all things swing nation we thank you so much for joining us and we'll see you next time goodbye
