Please review our profile

I thought some of the writing was confusing on what you are looking for.

get some pussy by being fake

Isn't it all fake, though?

Isn't the whole point that for a few hours we can foget about bills and problems and be rockstars for a while?

If I showed who I was, I would be in sweatpants with hairy legs drinking melted Ben and Jerry's straight from the container. But who would fuck that? So I show who I wish I was. This sexy, redhead bombshell who looks fit and fun and wants sex at the drop of a hat.

You're trying to write a cookie cutter profile like you see all over this accursed digital shithole. Don't do that. You look fine, the pics are ok. Give up on this crap. You live in a large city, go to clubs and parties. Use SLS to find them. When you get there, drink and be real. Slam your cock on the table and roll the dice, figuratively speaking of course, its just a metaphor. When you truly get to the point that you don't give a shit anymore, when you'd really honestly rather be hated for the real than get some pussy by being fake, then you will write the perfect profile for yourself.

Hopefully you've read some of the previous profile reviews and understand that sometimes the advice feels a bit cruel. Just remember that we may not like your profile but we like you and want your profile get the results you're looking for.

Velma has pretty much covered your pictures so I'll only say - smile, watch for clutter and/or visual chaos in the background and avoid selfies. Oh - and don't have duplicates (or near duplicates) in your gallery like you do now. You don't want it to look like all the pictures were taken on the same day (although they should all be within the past year).

Your text is a bit scattered - some things are in the proper section but not always. I'm not a fan of the sentence fragments but you have a charismatic writing style that just needs a bit of polish. Ellipses are three periods - not eight or ten. I'm not sure if you meant to use multiple question marks (one is plenty) - you may have tried to use emojis (they don't work and you end up with question marks). You can omit things in Description that are covered in stats (height & weight) or shown in pictures (curvy, hair color).

Actually in Description you should talk more about vanilla interests than about sex. I like to see a few sentences about you as a couple and a few about each of you individually. It gives people an idea about what you'll talk about over that drink at your initial meeting. Are you athletic or computer nerds, drink fancy wine or exotic cocktails, cook comfort food or trendy cuisine? Do you build treehouses for the kids (of any age), foster rescue dogs or go skiing every winter? Are you the life of the party or are you the one laughing at the bad jokes told by others?

I get glimpses of fun people so I think with a bit of a rewrite and some new pictures you'll be attracting the people you are looking for.

Good luck!

~Phoebert's Wife

Hi. Before I get to your profile, I would like to chime in on the facial hair question. I'm always for it, regardless of age, and find it particularly attractive when there's grey in it. ;-)

Okay, so as far as your profile is concerned, I'm going to say things that might feel mean and will definitely sound critical. Please don't take it personally, because it's about what you've written, not about you. I's kindly meant; I want you to have your pick of playmates and will be pointing out things I think are getting in the way.

I'll get to your tagline in a minute, because it relates to a similar issue in Description. But first, in Looking For, what you have is mostly good and makes you sound like warm people, but what is now quadruple question marks is just confusing. Spell it out or even just substitute "playmates." The last two sentences are terrific, but they don't belong here. I think they'd go better at the very end of Additional comments, where they would be a positive and flirty way to end.

So, onto the problem areas. Where you mention seduction explicitly and implicitly. It's not that seduction doesn't happen but in swinging it's generally much less drawn out and gentle than the way you've portrayed it. And because it's potential swing partners that are viewing your profile, it's possible many perfectly lovely couples who would otherwise be interested in you are noping out. There is a difference between lovers and playmates that isn't just a matter of semantics and by hitting so many beats in the neighborhood of the former, I think you're losing out on people who might get there with you some day, but won't be there the first few times they play with a new couple.

I would nope out, both as a solo woman and as part of a couple, because it sounds so serious and as if the stakes are much higher than my pay grade when it comes to swinging. And to give you some perspective on that, I tend to keep my playmates for years and am definitely in favor of seducing and being seduced. Just...not with someone I've just met or have only been with once or twice before. Oh, and I definitely don't want my partner seducing anyone who isn't me, unless it's a joint effort, because I'm possessive that way.

Anyway, I want you to have what you want, but you're going to have to give yourself a new tagline and consider how to make your desire for seduction sound less daunting.

In Description, what you actually want there is hiding down in Additional comments, where it doesn't belong. It belongs up here, instead of stuff that is much better handled in your stats and photos or things that are sex specific and probably the least likely things to garner you interest from a group of people that are not lacking for partners. So, move all but the last two lines of Additional comments up to Description and then fill it out with a little more about you. The part about what you're looking for needs to be cleaned up, because it's currently confusing (possibly due to punctuation issues) and moved to Looking For.

Fantasies is the only section I really don't like. It's partly because it sounds like you are only same room no swap and that, with your confusing statements around soft/soft up above, will be having people shrugging and moving on.

In Additional comments, if you get rid of what doesn't belong there and then put in the two sentences starting "We are discovering..." and follow them with "Let's have a drink" and its companion, you have a better than decent ending.

I'll leave your photos alone except to say you're both really cute and I hope you post new photos where you're both smiling.

Good luck!

One more thing... Don't take those strange snapshat pictures. Delete those too.

The whole point of this is to show someone how attractive you are so they might have sex with you You don't want to take unattractive pictures of pictures where you are making funny faces.

Of course, I also feel that costume pictures are a bad idea, although I am in the minority in that department.

Smile when you take pictures. Don't make funny faces. Be warm and welcoming.

I'm going to start with a little note about myself: Only Frank Perdue likes thighs my size, so there is a reason why my picture in a blue bikini next to the waterfall was taken with me partially in the water. I say that about myself because I have flaws... so many flaws. So I have learned to stand in certain ways and pose with arms and legs at certain angles to minimize what I don't like.

None of what I do is going to turrn me into a size 2, but I can be a sexy size 12.

Keep this in mind as you read my advice. i have been in your shoes and I just want you to be successful.

I review a lot of pictures, to the point where I created a method to give you the absolute best possible pictures. I call this the DEBauCH method for DATE, EVENT, BEACH, CHICK, HIM. You are mostly following this method, all we need to do is refine. All you really need is 5 pictures.

To start, I opened a private gallery for you to show you the kind of pictues you should have.

I'm going to start with some basics:

Either have a beard, or don't. If I see a guy who has a beard in some pictures, and not in others, I'm not going to be interested because I don't know which guy is going to show up. Stick with one look: clean shaven or not. The only exception to this would be a "three day" scruff that you have on vacation - but for a picture like that, I want to see the guy in a Tommy Bahama shirt with palm trees in the background.

Listen, I know you don't want to hear this advice, but for some reason, when guys hit their late 40's they suddenly decide to grow a goatee. I know why they do it - they think it covers their double chin. But it really just makes you old. The guy in this case looks better and younger clean shaven. Lose the goatee.

Guys should not pose shirtless unless at a beach or a pool. I have a section in the private gallery I opened for you to show you how to take pictures shirtless. Delete it.

Boob pictures on their own don't do much. I have a section in my private gallery where I show you how to pose nude. Delete the boob pic.

Selfies should only be taken "In Extremis." Stay away from them. All pictures should be taken full-body and preferably by somebody else. If I don't see at least one full body pic, the odds of me reaching out to you drop like a rock.

I'd like you to delete all of your pictures except for the black and white one.

I want you to get dressed up like you are going to a nice dinner. The woman should wear... maybe a Maxi dress? There's a resturant in your town called "The Duce" which looks like a funky comfort-food place. Go there and have a waitress take a few pictures of you.

Look at my private section at how my husband and I stand when people take our pictures. Stand like that and you will look great.

Then I want you to go to a Diamondbacks game. Wear some Diamondbacks gear and have someone take pictures at the game with the field in the background. This shows that you have a life outside of swinging.

You live in Arizona: someone has to have access to an inground pool. Have somone take a picture of you two at the pool. If you are uncomfortable with your bodies, take the picture in the water wth the water covering the parts you don't like... just like me.

Then take a fun or sexy picture of the CHICK and a fun pciture of HIM.

Get those pictures taken then repost so I can re-review. If you need help or ideas, just ask me.

I hope I'm doing this right.. could we get some ideas. I feel like we are missing something