Newer SM needing help with profile

It's kind of blah, like if Spock from Star Trek wrote it. Your responses here show more personality than your profile.

518 - Now you see the reason some write "disclaimers" or apologies in advance. You basically asked people what they thought, and they told you. The people that post here are a very tiny cross section of LSer's, and they're actually trying to be helpful.

Can you imagine, based on the input you got, what someone thinking only of their needs may be thinking? Those are the people you will never hear from. If you don't hear it, you don't know and you can't improve. It's a double-edged sword.

The lifestyle is generally pretty tolerant and welcoming. It's also, at least on line, an opportunity to say no twenty times a day. When you submit a request for a profile review, you get the distillation of all those reasons people will be saying no to you. You don't have to like it or think it's fair, but do accept that it's generally the case.

What you write and how you write it goes a long way toward determining who will be open to you and who will immediately nope out. Photos are important too.

Me, I'd be okay with your profile personally, unless you didn't disclose in the very first message that you were married and playing with permission. But it's not about me, because we'll never meet, and you have some problem areas that need to be fixed.

Imagine your wife called you and told to pick up some things from Target because your in-laws are coming over in an hour. You stop at Target and get what you need. When you come out, it's raining outside. So you run through the rain to your car.

Now imagine every raindrop is a dick.

That's basically what it is like as a woman on this site when you open your pictures up to single men. I call it the Dicknado.

We aren't being selfish and superficial. There are just so many men that its easy to get overwhelmed. I don't have the time to evaluate every single guy. So when I look a profile, I decide within seconds if I'm interested. You need to be really special to stand out.

In your case, I would look at the pics, look at the time you've been on with no certs and pass you by. It would probably take 5 seconds.

You need to understand that every other woman is doing this. They don't know you had Crohn’s. All they know is that you have a huge time gap. This isn't selfish or superficial, it's just efficient time management. I have too much shit to do to give someone any time if they aren't special.

So best suggestion... get some new pictures, get a new account and transfer your paid membership and start over.

You can listen to my suggestions, or you can not listen to my suggestions, but if you listen to my suggestions you will have a better outcome.

You may want to create a new, free profile and ask management to transfer payment from this one so that your profile "age" more accurately reflects your actual experience.

And "married, playing with permission" should be stated prominently in your description to counter all the red flags that Velma & others see (also mention if your wife will verify in any manner).

Good luck!

Thank you for all the sound advice. I say this in the most loving way, but I didn’t realize how quick to judgement and superficial the community(and society)are. Not to mention the many unspoken rules and expectations. It’s very tough to navigate for a newbie or even knowing how to share your authentic self. Which I’m very grateful for all the feedback and support in helping me navigate this. So please don’t think I’m upset, I just realize I’m different in the sense physical attraction isn’t the only thing that turns me on and need more DEPTH if I’m going to be deep inside another person

As for the questions as to what I’m hiding or why no certs for so long.
Though SLS has me listed being a member for 4-5 years , that’s not the case. I originally created it but never got the chance to explore after multiple hospitalization with Crohn’s disease(it’s not a STD for the ignorant)

Velma is correct in assuming I’m married, but in this case it isn’t about cheating at all.
I’m a very prominent business man in my community and abroad. I’m very visible in the public and have had many people attempt to blackmail and extort me for some lifestyle choices.

I made the mistake many years ago of “stepping out of my marriage” and when it became public knowledge, my business was in ruins because of the fall out. My wife and I reconciled and realized that this might be the best approach to saving our marriage.

As for the scruff, I realize where the feedback is coming from. It’s more a generational thing. The look is IN. (For people 40 and younger) most of the negative feedback came from you 50+. I realize not everyone is going to like facial hair, but it’s only scruff and comes off pretty easy. Hence you can always ask for me to shave for “the night out”.

All and all, grateful for the help. But as a community, “people” got some serious judgements and agendas and shit is fun or inviting if you want to attract more people to the lifestyle. Maybe they are more forgiving with women, but as a man that can confidently lean on his sensitive side....it can be a little much. Thanks again!

It looks like the 2-3 day scruff mentioned by Velma is your look, at least from the 2 pics you do have. While some like that look, it doesn't usually go well with "lots of oral". If that's your look, then that's your look, but if it's negotiable, I suspect more will prefer clean shaven. The smile is nice though, so don't lose that in any new pics.

I didn't think Looking For was awful, but could be better. Based on your preference toggles you are looking for women and couples, so perhaps just say that. You want to kiss, do oral, massage and other fun things. Are the other fun things with couples MFM? If yes, why not say it rather than let them guess what like minded means?

If you do your pictures right, there will be no need for physical descriptions. Your Description section is otherwise cryptic and it doesn't say what sorts of activities (besides sex) that you enjoy. These are potential conversation points for people to engage you with and tell them if you have common interests.

In the Fantasies section you may want to qualify why "discretion is a must" because it can set off some red flags. The Additional Comments is just more Description content. Do you play safe? Can you host? Are you willing to travel, and if yes, where to/how far? Things of that nature generally go in Additional Comments.

Velma must type faster than I do or she get interrupted less!

;-)

I actually looked at your profile earlier but didn't have enough coffee in me to deal with it. My first thought was - why does no one clean up the crap (duplicate pictures) before asking for a review? So I was thinking you're lazy. But then I realized that information in the flyover was different from what I see on your profile so maybe you did clean up some things and SLS is lagging (and making you look bad). Anyway - please don't take anything I say personally - that first thought was just knee jerk perception prior to coffee! The intent here is to let you know how your profile is perceived so it can be improved to get you the encounters you desire.

Your age preference is still showing as 18-55 in flyover - hopefully SLS will catch up to what your profile shows (that's what led me to believe you're a victim of SLS and not lazy). Raising that lower age to 25 probably won't make any difference in who contacts you and it looks more realistic.

Unfortunately your text is full of what I consider sound bites, lists and judgement calls. Don't tell us what can be seen in your pictures or stats (tall, fit, well dressed). And allow us to make decisions about you (well mannered, humble). Rather than broad generalizations give us some details. Where & how have you traveled (US, Europe; camping, cruising)? Are you reading self-help books, DIY manuals or sci-fi? Your profile should read as paragraphs rather than bullet points for a presentation so sit down with a word processor and try to make complete sentences - then run a grammar check when you're done to catch any remaining sentence fragments.

Some of your text belongs in other sections. Looking for should be mostly about others, Description should be mostly the vanilla you, Fantasies/Experience should be the sexy you and Add'l Comments should be anything that doesn't fit elsewhere. Your best section is Fantasies/Experience but even there you have info that belongs elsewhere.

It looks like you've deleted the duplicate photos that MsMolly noted but to be honest I'd delete that picture entirely - it's not a good look. Is the unshaved look in again? I'm not a fan (looks like it would scratch my tender skin) but whatever is normal for you should be evident in all you pictures - shaved, beard or stubble. You need to smile - a big smile, not that hint of a smile that veers into smirk territory. Hopefully Velma will pop by; otherwise go looking in other reviews for her advice on core photos to have in you public gallery.

Let us know when revisions are approved if you want additional advice.

Good luck & have fun!

~Phoebert's Wife

You have a couple of red flags I’d like to address.

First, I have this feeling that you are married. If you are 6’1, 39, well dressed and successful, you would have a girlfriend. That combined with the coy pictures that barely show your face lead me to believe you are a married man looking to cheat.

That combined with being on for 5 years with no certs leads me to think you want to cheat but can’t figure out how.

Maybe I’m wrong, but your profile just smells funny.

One of the other red flags is the word massage. I don’t want a massage by a guy who wants to give me a massage.

You need 3 full body pictures. 1 of you in a suit at a bar drinking something brown in a glass. One of you shirtless at the beach or a pool and one of you doing something athletic like running a 5K, rock climbing or squatting weights.

These pictures must be taken by somebody else. When I see selfies, I think either you have no friends or I think you are too timid to ask somebody to take your picture.

Both of these scenarios are bad.

I also want to talk about your goatee. Shave it off. Your pics should either have you with a beard or with no beard, but I hate seeing some with, some without because I want to know exactly what I am getting when you show up at the bar.

My preference is clean shaven because if the girl doesn’t like beards, you are vetoed immediately. The only exception would be a 2-3 day weekend scruff if the picture was obviously taken on vacation.

Take some new pictures and repost so we can re-review.

Hi. Here is where I give the disclaimer that the advice you get here is likely to be brutally frank. Please try to take it in the spirit in which it's offered, which is a benign wish for you to get all the sex you want. You're going to need that as you read what I have to say.

Okay, so unless something has changed in the last hour or so, you have four public photos, three of which are the exact same pic. I know SLS's photo managing leaves something (everything) to be desired, but it would be helpful to get that cleaned up. If Velma comes along and tells you what to do with your photos, listen to her.

Next, your profile is more than four years old and you don't have certs, which definitely cuts down the interest you'll get from others. If you can acquire a cert somehow, it will definitely widen your appeal.

Tagline - Yours is both false and trending towards needy, so it doesn't serve you well. Try for something pithy and amusing instead.

Looking For - What does "like minded" mean to you? Because that's what you should be writing instead of using a common but completely meaningless phrase. You'd do better generally concentrating more on the who than the what in this category anyway and while what you're looking for is important, sexually specific text is less interesting than you probably imagine. Complete sentences are your friend, here and elsewhere in your profile.

Description isn't terrible, but it's clear you didn't proofread. Also, I'd really rather know that you like to read than that you characterize yourself as well read. The philosophical musings about the human experience are less charming than listing some of your more concrete interests or hobbies. And, again, by inserting something that isn't actually true - well mannered and well dressed do not go hand in hand (except in romance novels) - you undercut any sincerity that might underlie what you've written.

Fantasies is really about your actual experience and then a g rated look at one or two of your fantasies. It's not about your musings, or at least not successfully so, since the point of a profile is to interest others, not to instruct them.

Additional comments is for what's left over when you've put the correct things in their sections, so a personal description doesn't go here. The part about discretion does (although that's a bit of a red flag in a single man's profile as it generally signals he's actually married and cheating), as perhaps does your interest in parties. That latter depends on phrasing, since it could also go in Fantasies if introduced a bit more narrowly.

That's all I have for the moment. I hope you collect more opinions, make some changes and then come back for a review. Good luck.

I know us SM have an uphill battle to get any attention. As a self proclaimed "nice guy" I realized I need some help with rebranding my image for the SLS community. Would love some feedback and help with my profile.