Are we missing anything? or need any clarification?

Hilarious.. One Year Later..

Pass The Popcorn!

Apologies to all that replied to our post. Simply didn't know there were replies till just now...OVER a YEAR later.

Sincerely appreciate your time and effort taken to help out.

Keep the faith,

John & MC

FWIW - We (or I should say I) started down a similar path of trying to have the profile cover just about every possible thing. It grew as the OPs did to try to include all of the things we did/didn't want. At some point it became too overwhelming for people to read. Some will not read it regardless, but even ones that might would balk at it.

We have had the vast majority of our LS experiences be very fun and positive, but it's the times that wasn't the case that tend to stick in your memory. There is the tendency to want to try to thwart that with your profile, but it just comes across as negative. People want to be with positive and fun people so anything you can do to make you sound more that way is only going to help you.

It became more apparent at one point that instead of helping us and others determine if we were a match, our profile had become more of an obstacle, and in some cases, pushing people away. Ours is still on the long side but has been pulled back over that hump to be closer to that middle ground that is actually helping more than hurting. In the case of the OP, IMHO it is on the other side of that hump and needs to be pulled back to the middle ground between too much and not enough info.

I'm noping out here. There is no couple hot enough for me to read that wall o' text and you couldn't pay me enough if it was my job to do it.

So, yeah, you're missing something: An understanding of what intelligent, discriminating people will do in order to fuck you. That leaves you with the ones who are not those things. If you're okay with that, I certainly am. If you want more choices, then pare that nonsense down, insert extra line breaks in between paragraphs, and take an approach that isn't reminiscent of what Velma correctly characterizes as a student manifesto.

Had a bit more time and read through this. At a bare minimum, you can say the same things in a lot less words, which would be my biggest suggestion.

The written word likely comes easy to you. The harder task is saying the most in the least (or at least a lessor) amount of words.

It's very likely that the majority of people reaching out to you are doing so based solely on her pictures and more luck that they meet your criteria. Considering what you're trying to do (filter people), you're probably defeating that purpose with a "wall of words" as someone put it.

I'll admit that I did not read your profile. But I still have negative opinion of your profile - the sheer length and no breaks just makes the text unreadable. What little did catch my attention made me think - these people are too much work and no fun.

If you want people to read your profile the text needs to be relatively short (less than ten sentences per section with extra lines for readability) and sweet (kill the negativity). Your pictures should be appealing to both sexes - cut back on all the risque shots of her and add pictures of him and of you as a couple. Velma has a great system for core pictures for your public gallery.

You might also want to adjust your desired age range - he's almost sixty and range is 25-65. You might want to bump the upper limit - you'll soon be too old for yourselves!

Good luck!

~Phoebert's Wife

The biggest problem is that you AREN'T missing anything. And at the same time, you are. Because while you've listed what you want from others and put in a long description of yourselves, it's still unclear what you are trying to communicate on both fronts. More text doesn't necessarily mean more information, in fact it's quite often the opposite.

There's a bit of psychology to consider with text-heavy profiles as well. Namely, that a large number of people won't bother to finish reading a wall-o-text profile. Basically, if it requires more than two swipes of a mouse scroll-wheel to get to the bottom, you definitely should look at paring things down.

And yeah, the whole thing with being demanding isn't going to do you any favors. I get that you're picky about who you play with. Nothing wrong with that, but you need to find a way to communicate that without coming off as unpleasantly demanding.

Good luck.

If you do pare things down, it will be a lot more readable if you put breaks between paragraphs. Seeing big blobs of text make most people's eyes glaze over and stop reading.

It’s way too long.

I think there is you could be that people are reading the whole profile because it’s so long-so they make it longer with more restrictions, so people read even less.

They also have lines like:

“Personality and compatibility are very important with us unless just looking for a quick and dirty encounter.”

Well fuck-do you even know what you want?

My husband said if the Unabomber was a swinger this will be his manifesto.

Well it's very long

The first thing I’m going to say is that I opened a private gallery for you to show you the kind of pictures you should have.

That’s about the nicest thing I’m going to say in this post. The next few things I say are going to sound really bitchy. I’m not doing it because I want to be mean, I’m doing it because I want you to be successful.

I want to start this by saying I’m coming to Philadelphia next week for a convention. I’m all alone and I play separately when I travel. If I had thought your profile was funny or interesting or sexy, I might’ve been interested in fucking you while I was up there.

That’s right-you had a chance at fucking a 41-year-old bisexual triathlete who takes it up the ass. But you’re never going to get that chance, not with that shit show of a profile and no pictures of the guy.

You have two choices if you choose to read below this line. You can either be offended, or you can take a look in the mirror and choose to change. One of these paths will get you laid. The other path will get you a string of low-quality couples and a lot of frustration.

If you choose my path I will help you.

First of all, I did not read your entire profile. My eyes glazed over. Your profile is entirely too long and contains a lot of demands. The two of you sound like your weapons grade drama.

READING the first PARAGRAPH sounds like a list of DEMANDS from the STUDENT REVOLUTIONARY COMMITTEE. Because you took the administration building and you are NOT giving it up until the IMPERIALIST pigs agree your demands.

Seriously-who the hell capitalizes words for emphasis? Stop doing that. I am not going to jump through a bunch of hoops for you.

Second, there isn’t a single picture of the guy in the default section. When I don’t see a single picture of the guy I take that as a huge red flag because I assume he is not as fit as my husband. When you have 20 pictures of a woman and most of them are of her nude, you’re going to attract the kind of couples are you trying to avoid with that whole Student Union screed that you wrote.

If feels like you are an unattractive guy who is using your wife as bait. The only people who are going to be interested are low-quality single men and other Couples with about a hot wife and an equally unattractive guy. Now, maybe I’m totally wrong. Maybe you’re really handsome guy, but there’s too many couples out there who have pictures of the guy to risk that awkward moment of writing you and then having to say we’re not a match.

Need proof? Look at the last couple who certed you. They are basically you-there’s 20 some pictures of the woman in various states of undress and no pictures of the guy.

My best advice for you is to create five pictures based on the private gallery I opened for you. You need a full body picture of the two of you on a date dressed up the way you would meet a couple. You need a picture of the two of you at the beach. You need a picture of the two of you doing something fun like going to the Phillies game. Finally, you need a picture of her full body and a picture of you full body.

If you pare down your text to something that sounds like less of a list of demands and more like a couple who is in love, I guarantee that you’ll get more interest.

I strongly suggest you start cutting out your profile to at least half of its length and take the five new pictures I suggested. Take all those other new shots and put them in a separate area-in your private section.

Do this and then repost and will re-review.

Remember-your profile is in a laundry list of everything you must and must not have. You were trying to make yourself as attractive as possible so people have sex with you. Right now you’re not doing that.

Don't have time, so want to put as much info out there as to find compatible people.