Many years ago I read a book written by Larry King, the news talk show host, titled something to the effect of "How to Talk to Anyone about Anything". The gist of the book was that everyone loves talking about themselves, and therefore the way to keep a conversation going is to ask questions of the other person about themselves. Certainly one has to be a bit careful about what questions are appropriate in the current setting, but as others have said here in this thread, there are certain topics to steer away from and certain topics that are safe to steer towards. Until I was in my early 40's, I was a virtual wallflower socially. I distinctly remember one certain Saturday morning when I made the conscious decision that I was tired of being that wallflower and that I was going to make the necessary effort to transform myself, perhaps at about the same time as I was reading that King book. I am reminded of a certain life philosophy, credited to Wayne Gretzky, the great hockey player, that "you miss 100% of the shots that you DON'T take".
Confidence
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Full disclosure: some couples are more experienced, will notice your interest, and speed up this timeline. Others will be more shy and hit the brakes. Still others just won't be interested and will pull back totally. And when this happens it's good because this gets you all on the same page.
You have to decide how much time you want to invest talking and not advancing the ball. When we were just getting started we invested / wasted hours just talking with other couples in non-flirty ways only to learn at 1 am they weren't interested in playtime with us. Over time we got better at qualifying / pre-qualifying couples and recognizing signs of their interest like smiling back, asking us questions too, their moving closer too.
If you can get them on the dance floor, there's an opportunity to dance in sexy ways and get closer. Back at the bar or table, if one of them goes to the rest room, one of you two should too. If it's the wife, your wife should go too. If it's the husband, your husband should too. While each of you are with the opposite, ask the question, "Do you guys like to play with / fuck other people?" You'll likely get at least a general answer. If you and your wife are on the same page about them, let them know, "We're going to check out the play areas if you guys would like to come..."
The do you guys like to fuck other people question has opened up the conversation with a few couples we've met. And the check out the play area idea has worked well too. However, what has seemed to work really well for us is being on the dance floor with the other couple- more than a few times we did what we have heard called the sandwich maneuver. The two women are facing each other with the guys behind.. and then the guys slowly switch places. Before you know it we're all a lot closer, grinding, nibbling on necks, quick kisses.. etc. One of the more fun nights we had was when we were flirting with another couple, I got close to the other wife, but the other husband was a little shy. The guy's wife and I kept looking over, kissing each other, and checking to see if they were advancing. After a bit we didn't think it was going to happen, however, the next time we looked his hand was up her skirt! He figured out she wasn't wearing panties. Within seconds, they came to us and said "Let's go!" Zoom we were off to the playrooms.
There's no need to feel shy. In the early part of the game you're pre-qualifying and getting to know people a little so the risk is zero. But if your hope is to enjoy some playtime, you need to keep things moving. Your mention about playing together at the end of the night is more common than you might think- especially for quality control reasons. Probably 75% of the time we go to clubs we happily find ourselves banging away in the group room with others around.. and it's hot! Good luck :-)
When we go to a new club or hotel party where we haven't pre-connected with anyone, we'll look for a high-traffic zone; near the bar or at a high-top table where people are going to pass by. People seem to congregate in those spots and tend to be open to chatting. As for what to chat about- anything except sex, politics, religion, or very specific things about them such as where they work. For example, the cool outfit someone is wearing, a ring, tattoo, an accent, what they're drinking, the theme of the party/event, and things like that. Everything has a story behind it. Just say, "Hey, that's cool- where did you find it? Or "I bet there's a story behind that..." Or "We brought apple pie moon shine to share, would you like to try some?"
The conversation will drift from there so just keep building on it. "Oh, you got that ring when you went to Key West? We've been wanting to go there, what did you think of it? ..what was your favorite restaurant? etc. If they are even moderately interested in you, their answer will be verbose. If they aren't or they too are super shy, they'll keep their answers short. If their first two answers are short, take note of it and spin off and cast your fishing line in a new direction. If they are interested, they'll move to chat you up, if not, no biggie.
That having been written, your time and the time of others is valuable. If your hope is to hook up, adjust positions physically/position yourselves to talking with and smiling at the person of the opposite gender. Your Mrs. extending the conversation with the other husband and you with the other Mrs. - Smile a lot and notice if they are smiling back. - If the other couple is comfortable with the situation, they'll ease right into it. If not, you'll see them back off or excuse themselves for a bit. That's an opportunity for you to sync up with your partner to see if you're still interested in them too or if you two want to spin off in a new direction. There's a pattern here. Move forward, learn a little about another couple or group, and then pause to give everyone a minute to assess.
And it goes the same for the next step in flirting; getting closer and small physical interaction. If things are cruising, move a little closer, bump elbows, gently touch an arm for a half-second, whisper something in an ear like "do you guys like to dance?" or "you look yummy" and look them in the eyes and smile.. for about one second. Then look back to your spouse for a second so the person you just complimented can absorb and appreciate it. Now the other couple will either respond in kind and get closer.. or they won't.
We agree Swingers Clubs can be very cliqueish. You have to go a few times, and then it's iffy. We found going with another couples lowers the barriers a little.
Thus we pretty much stick to small resorts and House Parties.
Swing clubs can be cliquish. You may want to reach out to people you see signed up before you go & see if they'd be interested in having a drink & chatting when you go. Sort of an ice breaker instead of going in cold.
We have be in the lifestyle for years. Just recently we starting attending a local swingers club and really like it. The atmosphere is good and the people are great, but we still seem to be kind of shy when in larger groups ( not necessarily in the bedroom). We are having a good time going,and we still play with each other every time we go, but isn’t one of the reasons for going to meet new people. So my question is does anyone have any advice on over coming our shyness and make the whole club experience better? Thanks in advance